Another day completed

Jealousy troubles me. My own, once, even as still that combatant seeks entry time to time. Just...no.

Of all the many things, besides outright pride, which are so utterly destructive...jealousy is so ripe for destruction. Covetousness, moreover.

It's one of the perambulations by which pride seeks to destroy. Pride, in that it would assert self as so worthy that any which another might have had ought also be personally possessed. And, should it not be, then derision arises for the one who has, as a sort of offended self-pity settles upon the one who "has not."

Jealousy.

It's so rampant.

SO rampant...that people who "mean well" end up giving destructive advice, out of a misdirected desire to at least assert their influence into a sphere which isn't theirs.

That sort of a thing, wherein advice is sourced from self rather than counsel given by Word and Spirit, is a very tricky business.

Having been on both sides of it, I praise the Lord for deliverance and for understanding.

It seeks to destroy Love's work, is most all. For, where jealousy reigns, Love is shackled.
Just as where derisive pity reigns, Love is shackled.

The only way I've found to extricate myself from such binds is through surrender to Christ and ardent pursuit of the Lord's will. Being guided by the Holy Spirit.

Walking in/by/with the Spirit, there's freedom.

The only freedom I've ever known.

Being humbled as to maintain more reverent fear of the Lord, so as to miss the mark less and less. As to be less tempted into sin.

If it were possible, there would be no speech.

Communication is such a strange thing, regardless. The last of all which I'd studied ardently, before surrendering to the Lord.

I wanted to find a way to circumnavigate preconceived notions and prejudices, a way to circumnavigate connotational comprehensions and developed understandings, as to relay ideas without the taint which perspective defers upon interpretation.

And I'd experienced success, in doing so.

By communicating directly to each, from where they were, rather than from where I was. "Connecting" with them, I called it. Sincere connection.

Without regard for who they were or where they were coming from, just meeting them on their terms and interacting along those lines.

Because truth is always personal.

But all that...all that is nothing. It means nothing, absolutely nothing, in consideration of the work and the glory of the Lord.

I could do nothing, ultimately.

But He can do all things. Through Him, all things ARE possible.

It's just something which has to be remembered, during communication with others. If I try to do it through my own understanding, it comes to naught. The Holy Spirit has to guide and direct, has to draw each of us in, in order for us to even be able to receive Truth.

Revelation of Truth isn't something done by works of man. Even as the Holy Spirit can and may work through whatsoever works He chooses, as to accomplish the will of the Father.

...

Today has been odd, again. Every day is an adventure.
One more day, then to go back to things which need to be continued.

Tomorrow will be a full day again, Lord willing. A new venture, though. A new "project."
Even as it's still an expansion upon current ones. Not sure what I'll learn, but there's always something.

Been reading some Tozer, today. And another dude whose name I can't remember.
And 2 Kings, first. And learning about Jeremiah.

There've been a lot of things wondered about, lately. Wondering about something equates to asking the Lord about it, moreover.

Some things are more prominent in mind than others. One which came back to mind today regards celibacy. It seems the best course, the desired course. Despite that it's one which makes no sense to most folks. But...I can't conceive of compromising my relationship with the Lord in any capacity, to take on more earthly distractions...no matter that those particular "distractions" are ones which most folks count as first and foremost life priorities.

I got caught up in all that sort of mentality for so long, is all. Yearning for an earthly companion. Someone to sit and talk with at any hour, mostly. Someone to share in all things with. Someone to support me in all ways necessary. Someone who would understand me and who would help me understand all things.

So, without the (literal) trappings of such a relationship as they do entail, I have that with the Lord.

Denial of the flesh is what yields an ability for greater communion with the Holy Spirit, in many ways, and so I'm glad not to be in a position where the flesh is yielded to as a point of interaction. Because the flesh is so corrupt, it need be surrendered as part of this living sacrifice...NOT indulged.

There've been those who have expressed envy of the freedom I've been experiencing in present ability to seek the Lord first in all things. But they don't generally realize that it's only possible as a point of not indulging the flesh. No marriage, no children...in addition to other things.

Things which many value very highly as a fulfilling part of their lives. Which just can't be a part of mine, without compromising my fellowship with the Lord. And I WON'T do that.

I'd attempted it in the past, before surrendering to the will of the Lord. And it was never complete. Not even nearly. Beaten by one, abused in so many ways. Abused by others in so many other ways. And even in the instances where I was as much to blame as anyone, the sense of a vital lack was too pervasive. I've repented. And still repent. And renounced that course.

I want none of that. None of it.
Putting Jesus first in all things has meant surrendering my so-called dreams, completely.

It means that nothing can be done without asking first. Even as instance still comes wherein I forget, then I'm reminded and repent...unto a point where I'll remember in all things. To listen for direction.

Because, seriously--I'd been such a wretch. I don't deserve to live, let alone to find fulfillment and joy in Christ. And He's saved me. He's delivered me. He's sanctified me, and is still doing so.

So, I can't compromise. No matter who might misunderstand the whole of things.

It doesn't really matter.

All that matters is the Lord.

Surrendering to Him, coming to know Him and love Him, learning His ways, being transformed and renewed according to His will, and submitting wholly to His guidance as to fulfill His perfect will.

That's all which matters.

Ah, sleep, now.

God bless you all.