Things have been so strange. Absolutely everything has changed, within the past year. Or...okay, not on the surface, perhaps--I'm still single, childless, and reasonably healthy. However--even in regard to these sorts of things--perspective has completely changed.
Becoming increasingly focused on the Lord as utmost priority, of and in all things, has changed everything, is all. Learning and understanding more about Him--now possessing a more thorough comprehension per direct experience of His nature--has completely altered the frame of reference for all things else.
Everything takes on new character, new meaning, and wholly different import, in light of increasingly understanding who He is and increasingly seeking to embody what it means to serve Him. Perhaps primarily because "self-fulfillment" as a desired end of being is now understood to require self-denial and glad submission to the will of God, where prior it was perceived as wholly self-referential and self-derived.
My idea of a meaningful life has continually shifted further and further away from wanton self-indulgence (even as evidenced by endless, self-directed academic pursuit or professional success, when excluding reverence of God) and increasingly into the desire to know and do the will of God--whatever He requires, at all times, so to draw nearer Him.
There's still a major struggle to refrain from needless fixations (minor case-in-point: my blog design has been overhauled twice within the past six months--a serious waste of time in terms of toying with nearly undetectable tweaks, such that unless restraint is now exercised, I could continue wasting endless hours mindlessly varying fonts and color combinations). There's still ongoing struggle to remain single-mindedly devoted to seeking the Lord, despite knowing that the alternative is death. This, even as spending time seeking Him--learning about Him, praying and fellowshipping, worshiping--is more comprehensively, substantially enjoyable than anything else ever prior experienced. Yet still there's a battle against constant distraction, and a continual tendency for attention to wander.
I'm still completely uncertain about what presently needs focus, in terms of research and applied efforts.
Now that something of "stability" has become a norm, a desire for concerted efforts and particular focus has arisen--this, as opposed to continuing to blindly grasp toward anything and everything which seems it might lead to another facet of understanding the Lord and being conformed to His will.
