Sharing in His Sufferings

Then Jesus told his disciples, 
“If anyone would come after me,
let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. Matthew 16:24

This may be brief, depending on various factors. 

The Lord has led me to reflect upon His keeping in the midst of turmoil, again recently. Even as He is keeping me now, in the midst of turmoil.

Since having come to know Christ, there has been a solidarity with Him that prevails in the midst of being pressed on all sides. And even so, He has been leading me in how to articulate what has been the case. At times, I dare not speak of the circumstances at hand, for fear of being tempted to falter in trusting the Lord and due to a sense of holy reverence for the severity of what is underway. 

Surely each of us experience such things, and perhaps just don't reach a point of yearning to be able to reflect openly upon them--understanding is not as desired, perhaps. 

As Darkness Closes In: Fix Your Eyes Upon the Light of the World

Temptation increasingly abounds to be enrapt with the world's schemes and narratives--selfishness all the more exalted under a guise of righteousness. Death is increasingly a fixation, blatant--anything to avert, just anything to preserve self and those things which self wants. This, as though we have control of life and death. I can tell you from personal experience that even suicide attempts aren't successful unless the Lord allows. Which is not something to be taken lightly. Period. 

I wouldn't generally speak so flagrantly about such wretchedness, but in the noxious cacophony which is standard fare for discourse these days, such searing has occurred that little bears weight. 

Speaking plainly, though prayerfully, is what's seemed best. 

He gives wisdom for each instance, however. 

But if you're here, online, I fear that you may be consumed with much of the current mania, also. 

Return to Love

These themes, lately:

Abide in Christ.
Abide in His love.
Love.

And others, but for the past many months...even in terms of merciful judgment to come...love has been the focus.

I've been reminded again, lately, at the vast disparity between Christ's love and what the world conceives of as being love.

The world's version of love is alway self-gratifying, in some way. Even if only as a matter of seeking to avoid emotional pain. ...even a mother's love has become entirely contorted, outside of Christ, to such extent that mothers even kill their children. Whereas others leech, emotionally. And still others count accomplishment as a marker for emotion.

Witnessed, only partially experienced (as on the receiving end), but not otherwise known.

And yet, a father's love is supposed to be as strong. Or, if it really is to be an epitomization of Christ's love, the Father's love, then...hadn't it ought be more fierce and unwavering? Or is a mother's love just a well an epitomization of God's love?

There's much talk, these past couple of weeks (months?) about the family as a representation of relationship with God. On the whole.

So, how contorted are things, then?

Pursue Discernment

We need have discernment. If you believe you have it, and yet don't continually refer to Scripture to test even that sense of certainty...there's a good chance it lacks truth.

Thank of it in terms of flavor.

(granted, not the absolute best of all means of considering supernatural reality, and yet...)

If you cook using various seasonings you will develop a familiarity which what each particular seasoning adds, how each complements others, and you may even come to a point of being able to recognize a particular note of flavor yet lacking in a dish, then being able to identify what need be added per a deep familiarity with its individual bouquet and flourish.

Alternately, you can also...quite similarly...tell when something is just a tad off. When there's too much garlic, or when someone used mint instead of oregano. And it just tastes wrong. The flavors don't completely meld together. Something is just...off.

And even if you can't quite "put your finger" on what that flavor is...the one which disrupts the composition of the all...

...still, you can taste that something isn't right.

And the more familiar you become with each individual herb and spice...the more familiar you become with the way different herbs and spices complement and accentuate one another, even--coming together into various harmonies and layers of complexity..

...the more readily and easily you can identify what's right and what's wrong, and in what measure.

Discernment is like that.

Constantly developing, even.

The deeper the familiarity with Christ, with the Holy Spirit, with the recorded word as Scripture (given so as to have a physical means of discerning and rightly judging, amongst so many things)...the more readily a wrong, sour note with be recognized and understood for what it is.

To put it slightly differently...

Spiritually speaking, you might not know what malice "tastes" like. But...if you hear someone speaking even Scripture with a certain edge to their voice which makes you shudder in revulsion as a cold chill runs down your spine at the pointed edge and vitriol with which they're speaking...then, still, not recognizing that distinct "flavor," you would recognize that response as being completely different to the warmth and gladness evoked within by anything spoken truly in love.

Not good examples, not very precise...especially as I would imagine these things are experienced slightly differently, person-to-person, even according to that which the Holy Spirit impresses and clarifies...

...but just to have something as somewhat a point of reference.

We're to test every spirit, after all. Every spirit does not exclude the Holy Spirit, given that John's epistle makes it plain by further stating that we test to see if it is from God. Meaning, even that which is from God...is being tested.

That's not done lightly, though.

 Look to Galatians 5 for a decent overview of some commonly understood terms which are laced with "flavors" which constitute (in any way, as any part of composition) an "off"-note:

19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,
20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

...in other words, if you know what it is to experience something regarding sexual immorality (lustful covetousness having incited such, especially), impurity (conceit being a large factor, as self-idolatry made evident as reality), and all the rest...

...if you have ever experienced any of these, which you have in this world, then you will know what it "feels" like to act in such a way, to act according to such a spirit.

Mockery is of the same, even, in large part...as divisive, discordant, selfish/self-centered.
...and so are many other things, not mentioned.

But, yeah.

Further, it seems there can also be division between the spirit in which something was given/intended and that according to which it is received. Something can be done in love and received jealously and with hatred. Something can be done with an undertone of covetousness and yet still received (even filtered, so to speak) in a spirit of love.

Love is of God. But not love as the world gives. Unconditional love.
Peace is of God.
True joy is of God...

...and really, just again, look to Galatians.

And if there's something you're not sure about, press further into Scripture. Continue to pray for clarity. He will reveal the truth.

Just...it seemed right and good to share something to this effect, given recent messages.
I have to test myself, constantly. I have to test the spirit in which I operate, constantly, and constantly seek that I could less and less obstructively give heed to the Holy Spirit, alone.

But I am yet human, and being at all self-conscious means that there is an off-note which may persist too much, making it possible for reception to be set off-kilter. Moreso than it otherwise might.

And the whole deal of progressing too, it seems, is that there's an ongoing increase in clarity which makes apparent that certain things which once seemed clear were rather skewed and contorted, compared to that which is realized and understood and known as truth, even know.

Through a glass, darkly, after all.

All things must be done in love, though, and of matters which are so very urgent and concerning as those of late, I know part of my passage has been colored by frustration, meaning that there's definitely an off-note, already. So, some persistent obscuring of truth is possible, in other words. Otherwise, personal frustration wouldn't be part of the composition.

Hatred isn't of God. Frustration...well, really...it depends upon its source and object. And there...there is where the need for discernment comes in.

Because things which are right and good, in instance, are wholly wrong in other instance, dependent entirely upon the spirit from whence inspiration has come and per which action has been wrought.

Where is it sourced from and what is the foundation upon which it rests, in other words.

And even in terms of frustration...

...read Isaiah. There's a deeper layer than mere frustration, but superficial assessment of certain chapters evidences a frustration of sorts. And yet, it's not same as the frustration which we experience. But how can you know that, except for discernment?

All is sourced from love, a deep abiding love for those whose faithlessness is lamented.
Even unto grief, lamented.
Even as expressed, at time, as frustration...even per sarcasm..

Yet, sourced wholly from and resting soundly upon a foundation of abiding, unwavering, unconditional love.

Whereas...our frustration?...if it's not sourced in and from Him, even as such..

...then it's sourced from self, and some sense of self-sufficiency which can only be wholly wrong given there's no such thing as self-sufficiency, in truth.

So, sourced from the Spirit of God, or from that of pride?

How can you know, except for discernment?

We must learn to love.
The author of it is the only Teacher.

Seek Him.
He will show you. He will teach you, if you seek Him.

With all your heart.
...even having no idea what that means, then begin to seek to know what it means, so as to know how to do what is required and necessary.

Humbled in His Wake

So many things going on, right now. (Always, yeah...)

Moving again, day after next. A month in the place I presently am, not having intended to move here (hoping, but not knowing how nor when it might be possible). And in two days, I will have a room of my own. Officially.

And yet every time I begin to get caught in thoughts of what might be enjoyable for accumulation, I'm reminded it's not for me. Not for me, to give in to those cravings as to make plans to accumulate or beautify. Or even to make plans, in terms of tenure.

I can only know, for now, that I'll be moving in on Monday. And I know it's a year's lease, but that doesn't serve as my security in terms of being assured I'll be there for a year. Explicitly because my position, my placement, my location...are wholly dependent upon the Lord's will. Meaning that, were He to have planned that I move, it would be so.

Same as even with the move a month ago, for instance.

Even so recently, still...the movement has been so rapid, there's a struggle to grasp details fully.

I came to church. Spent time talking, after church. Ended up spending the night with a couple friends.

It was fine to stay over. And then there was talk of staying till Tuesday, to celebrate the birthday of one of my sisters in Christ...perhaps even to assist with set-up and planning. But on Monday, I was invited to accompany one friend's mother to Georgia, to assist a move.

The Lord had made circumstances coordinate such that it was possible to go without feeling a burden for having been absent so long. So I went, to assist in whatever way seemed possible. No idea whether that was successful, but it certainly assisted me.

Preliminary Perusal of Practicality

Learning to witness. What it means. No longer being completely held sway of by fear...for having a clearer picture of Christ, alone.

There's a pervasive and persistent dichotomy which absolutely vexes me, though. And as it's something that exists within me, then it stands to reason (as according to Scripture, even) that others struggle with the same.

Comes and goes, though. As though walking in two worlds, when in actuality they're one.

He doesn't exist separate from us. We exist in Him. Period. All things subsist in Him, ever having been created by Christ...by the living Word of God. God Himself.

No separation.

So, why then do those moments still come on as though somehow He is of another realm?...as though, somehow, dealing with taxes...or buying groceries...or being in public...or going online...

...is somehow distinctly separate from...not His purview, per se...but from even so much an acknowledgment as there is of His sovereignty in moments of worship, devotion, study. Prayer.

Church. Such awareness of and desirous of subjection to His Presence, conscious.

There is not a separate sphere, is all. He is to be revered, regardless of circumstance--He's no less a part of ordering at McDonald's than He is of entering into the benediction. Yet, somehow, each and every bit of interaction isn't maintained per such a view to His Presence and sovereignty and omnipresence and omnipotence and will.

A Longing to Approach

We need to come awake. To reality.

People yet deny His existence. Rationalizing it a million ways and back, as though mere rationalization after the fact of having decided a wrong course then somehow makes it valid.

Not so.

A thing is and then might find explanation (according to His order is it so).

But not the other way around. Our words don't create reality.

And no matter how far we might go with any projected attempt at becoming so, yet still, we are not our own creators. Thus, nor the ones who control our destiny.

You created yourself no more than I did. Thus, neither are we ever capable of doing so, no matter how deep the attempt might reach as to rationalize it so or attempt a facade enacted per such course attempted, after the fact ever of being born.

But For Love

To say that the process is awkward would be an understatement. Yet...only to the flesh--to that which craves self-centered indulgences at the expense of any else. To that sneaking, slithering bit which so loathes the thought of being restrained from any varied hint of nonsense which might otherwise, anywise, eventual seek a giving in...rationalized, per course.

But no.

That is self, exalted against Christ. That is the world, yet to be sloughed off, along course of increasing in conformity, moving nearer His glorious being, transformed from image to image, as He comes revealed.

No Good, Apart from Christ

Learning to trust. Such a strange concept, that it should be difficult to trust the Master of all that exists. How wretched must I be, to be able to in any way remain anxious over what goes or what may come...knowing the One who ordains, decrees, and allows everything which ever passes, to the utmost degree. And knowing that, as one whom He has forgiven, all things will work to good.

Whether to mine or no isn't a concern. To higher good is the concern. As to His glory.

That's all. Just to His glory, whatever comes.

What Needs Be, Regardless What Has Been

Knowing what to say and when to say it seems such a heavy matter. Discernment is an abject necessity, always.

Often remembering that the Lord told His disciples not to even consider what they would say, when taken before kings and courts--the Holy Spirit would give them what speech was necessary, in the very moment of passage.

This, even as James made case that the tongue is untameable. Wicked, unruly. So much so that those who controlled it could be counted perfect (Christ, alone, then).

In tandem, though?

Perhaps just abiding in His Spirit, in the strength of His love. To a deeper degree than generally is conceived possible or requisite any circumstance.

The Bible is our source for instruction on these matters. Our translator, the Holy Spirit.

These matters are particularly pressing, at present, as coming upon a time of necessary divulgence. As means of cleansing, unto sanctification per leadership of the Holy Spirit into a circumstance of counsel, per fellowship.

"The Chocolate Soldier" or "Heroism--The Lost Chord of Christianity" by C.T. Studd

"The Chocolate Soldier"

or "Heroism—The Lost Chord of Christianity"

by C. T. Studd

HEROISM is the lost chord; the missing note of present-day Christianity!

Every true soldier is a hero! A SOLDIER WITHOUT HEROISM IS A CHOCOLATE SOLDIER! Who has not been stirred to scorn and mirth at the very thought of a Chocolate Soldier? In peace true soldiers are captive lions, fretting in their cages. War gives them their liberty and sends them, like boys bounding out of school, to obtain their heart's desire or perish in the attempt. Battle is the soldier's vital breath! Peace turns him into a stooping asthmatic. War makes him a whole man again, and gives him the heart, strength, and vigour of a hero.

EVERY TRUE CHRISTIAN IS A SOLDIER—of Christ—a hero "par excellence!" Braver than the bravest—scorning the soft seductions of peace and her oft-repeated warnings against hardship, disease, danger, and death, whom he counts among his bosom friends.

THE OTHERWISE CHRISTIAN IS A CHOCOLATE CHRISTIAN! Dissolving in water and melting at the smell of fire. "Sweeties" they are! Bonbons, lollipops! Living their lives on a glass dish or in a cardboard box, each clad in his soft clothing, a little frilled white paper to preserve his dear little delicate constitution.

Considering Work

Things have been so strange. Absolutely everything has changed, within the past year. Or...okay, not on the surface, perhaps--I'm still single, childless, and reasonably healthy. However--even in regard to these sorts of things--perspective has completely changed.

Becoming increasingly focused on the Lord as utmost priority, of and in all things, has changed everything, is all. Learning and understanding more about Him--now possessing a more thorough comprehension per direct experience of His nature--has completely altered the frame of reference for all things else.

Everything takes on new character, new meaning, and wholly different import, in light of increasingly understanding who He is and increasingly seeking to embody what it means to serve Him. Perhaps primarily because "self-fulfillment" as a desired end of being is now understood to require self-denial and glad submission to the will of God, where prior it was perceived as wholly self-referential and self-derived.

My idea of a meaningful life has continually shifted further and further away from wanton self-indulgence (even as evidenced by endless, self-directed academic pursuit or professional success, when excluding reverence of God) and increasingly into the desire to know and do the will of God--whatever He requires, at all times, so to draw nearer Him.

There's still a major struggle to refrain from needless fixations (minor case-in-point: my blog design has been overhauled twice within the past six months--a serious waste of time in terms of toying with nearly undetectable tweaks, such that unless restraint is now exercised, I could continue wasting endless hours mindlessly varying fonts and color combinations). There's still ongoing struggle to remain single-mindedly devoted to seeking the Lord, despite knowing that the alternative is death. This, even as spending time seeking Him--learning about Him, praying and fellowshipping, worshiping--is more comprehensively, substantially enjoyable than anything else ever prior experienced. Yet still there's a battle against constant distraction, and a continual tendency for attention to wander.

I'm still completely uncertain about what presently needs focus, in terms of research and applied efforts.

Now that something of "stability" has become a norm, a desire for concerted efforts and particular focus has arisen--this, as opposed to continuing to blindly grasp toward anything and everything which seems it might lead to another facet of understanding the Lord and being conformed to His will.

Eschatological Chaos: Errant Extremes

Another distinction which need be considered seems often given to one of some few variety of extremes (i.e., excluding Christ as primary focus):

"End-time" stuff.

Recent teaching at church did justice on this account: The matter of knowing precisely "when" isn't relevant to our lives, even as we must live believing in the ever-imminent culmination of this age, as Christ's return must be expected possible in any instant.

To the flesh, that sounds completely nonsensical, as circularly illogical: "How could it be possible or necessary to continually expect an event's immediate occurrence, yet simultaneously live as though the specific time of that event is absolutely irrelevant?"

There's a disregard for any "absolute" sense of time thereabouts which completely goes against the grain of the flesh, is all. (The flesh wants to know and to plan as to assert dominance, ultimately--it wants to live by sight, not by faith, as to maintain a sense of self-esteem sourced in the observable world.)

Walking the Line

Matthew 7:14
Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.

The gate is narrow and few there be who find it. The way of/life is straight and narrow, but the path to destruction is broad.

...many are called, but few are chosen.

Bits of paraphrase, for you. In regard to present considerations.

Pray for discernment, dear friend. Seek the Lord steadfastly, with all your heart--by whatsoever means are available to you, seek Him. And pray for discernment.

In these days, even the elect would be deceived...if it were possible. Except for His hand of mercy, ever extended to those who are His. Except for the grace lavished upon those who love Him.
Except for the love of Truth which breathes so deeply from each such spirit touched and wholly transformed by His wondrous, abiding presence...the Holy Spirit, indwelling..

Similar Distinctives

There's desire to write, but no idea what.

So many things again, as always. Much consideration, still, of the spirit/s of delusion which have been allowed to permeate the religious world and society. Much consideration, still, of judgment.

Seems there's been an undercurrent of focus pervading, regarding study of the wrath of God, along those lines. The cup of His wrath, poured out.

Within the past week, two others have directly mentioned having personal, private study revolving around that idea. It doesn't sound as though their studies have been focused on that specific, in terms of the house of God, however. Nor in specific regard to observable manifestations, as warning.

Immanence.

Branching out, a bit. It's taken a few days to line everything out, and there's been very little in the way of certainty, alongside the going. Such as goes, with multi-day migraines, but no matter.

Something considered, still being prayed about, but is at least for-now "done"--a website. Just a blog, is all. Just this, only elsewhere.

Things are still strange, but it's up, now. By the grace of God, it is.

Still asking whether it's the right course, but everything is still...in limbo, regardless. He'll direct, as is necessary.