Hostility of Human Prerogative

Trust Jesus to do the work in and through us, or otherwise defy Him.

There's a paradoxical duality to our nature, especially of those who know and long after Christ--those who have received salvation through Him, becoming sanctified, having been regenerate of Spirit. We are to walk by faith, not by sight. We are to be led of the Holy Spirit, indwelling, knowing all our steps are ordered of God, Himself--aware that every good work we do has been prepared beforehand, by Him, for us to walk in.

So, nothing of ourselves is exalted as sufficient--every good work is ordained and manifest of God's will: Even as through us, then we are led into these things. Regardless our intents, regardless our uncertainties, regardless our expectations or plans. And often quite despite all these things, moreover...mercifully.

Because the plans of man are many, but it's the will of God which prevails (Prov. 19:21).
And the carnal mind is enmity against Him (Romans 8:7), wherever it's set on ways and understanding which profits according to the flesh.

There's a problem there, though, for a creature which walks on this earth:

How can we do and delight in the will of God, when our very minds are inclined to be set against Him? And when our hearts are unknowable to us, except that He reveal them to us (Jeremiah 17:9; Matthew 13:15)?--furthermore, knowing that even recognizing truths concealed in Scripture requires divine intervention, and increasingly so even to begin to understand (2 Peter 1:20-21; John 14:17; John 16:13)?

The only way is through and in Christ Jesus. He didn't intend for us to come to Him nor to pursue godliness (living/walking/being as He did and is) in our own strength, but by His Spirit, by abiding in Him (even as He did always abide in the Father). Even abiding in His Word requires His abiding Spirit--as the very presence of Christ constantly manifest in and through us. Otherwise, we're empty of all but self.

These concepts, in practice, go against everything we know--everything we attempt, everything all the world presses upon us--and even against certain means of interpreting what Scripture seems to say. Because there's very much about doing recorded even in the New Testament. Very much. Yet, taken in context of all that Christ has said--doing is only properly done when it's done in Him and through Him and by His Spirit. Not of ourselves: Not of our own inclinations, tendencies, or designs, but according to His manifest will.

Which is where another problem seemingly presents itself: How are we to discern what is His will, for each of us?

Because it's obviously not to just sit and twiddle our thumbs--doing nothing except passing time, mindlessly: Not at all.

Everything about His call is to serve, actively. To serve Him, to serve others, forsaking self.

But not in our own strength, nor by our own will, nor according to our own understanding of what is His will.

Rather, His will has to be sought out, desired above all else, to be known--otherwise, cares of the world overshadow and drown out His voice, His leading, and even the joy of His presence. Perhaps difficulty on this point partially arises because serving Him diligently often seems to manifest without overt showing, at the outset--there are necessary times of study, ardent application to prayer and fasting, concerted private seeking of Him, out of sight of others. But even these, always, are actually an active pursuit of service. How can we serve One whose will we don't know?

Prayer always remains the foremost call of service. Without prayer, we have nothing and are nothing in service to God--we're only striving in our own strength, apart from prayer. Yet in order to pray sincerely, we need increasingly to know Him whom we beseech for assistance, know Him whom we praise and rejoice in through prayer. Even as the very act of praying draws us nearer to Him, in essence, then still we must approach Him via any means He directs, especially as Scripture is given specifically that we might know Him on His terms, even relayed in ours.

And the very act of studying Scripture with a heart desiring Him--desiring to know Him and to love Him, to receive wisdom and knowledge of Him--draws us nearer to Him, according to His will.

Just so, with whatever good deeds He ordains--even if utterly and completely debilitating, in terms of requiring every ounce of strength (and more--given by God, in the process), then the sustenance of His presence and keeping power, throughout--giving direction and prompting continuation in the midst of efforts--still, is wholly a boon to the spirit which loves God and longs to know Him better. Experientially, being preserved and strengthened by Him in a moment of service fosters a deeper trust through the experience of His keeping power. Such works are not toil, despite being incapacitating to a point of requiring divine assistance. Nor are they laborious, despite requiring divine strength as to finish. Nor are they devastating in the midst of requiring His love manifest, so to continue. But experiential dependence upon His manifest presence so to endure and accomplish and work...is up-lifting. Even being completely--physically, emotionally, or mentally--draining, then the spiritual result of being wholly thrown upon Christ's strength edifies, all the more. Still, prospering spiritually in and unto Christ, by forcing complete dependence upon Him, even as to be capable to undertake or complete a work.

Efforts in the flesh are only or primarily draining, though. They distract from Christ, not forcing reliance upon Him from the outset, thus not prompting gratitude throughout the course. Efforts in the flesh edify self, at varying stages--tending toward self-justification rather than deeper realms of humility, latter being wrought per furthered, experiential realization of the depths of Christ's love and grace.

It's a very slight difference, in instance--one which is only discernible per the Spirit, as He is sought for examination and revelation of one's own heart and intents. He, alone, can reveal the truth of these matters, moment by moment.

Rationalization or attempted analysis only confounds us--we explicitly cannot tally our own doings, being limited in our perception of the sum total state of our being, also being inherently limited against sum total understanding, or full revelation, of God's ways. And anyone who would otherwise claim, then claims to know God, in sum as unto entirety...then, that one is serving a different god than the One eternal, infinite, who came as Christ: The One who shut down Moses' questioning by saying He would have mercy on whom He would have mercy, who revealed to Isaiah that His ways are so far beyond our own that we cannot even conceive the expanse of difference.

Point of this being, we're not capable of knowing what is good, of both intent and practice, unless the Lord, Himself, direct us and guide us into it...moment by moment. We don't know how all things are being ordered, in sum total from the beginning of creation unto it's final subjection to Christ. As like the "butterfly effect" theory proposes, there very much is an effect to each and every thought and action--whether initially visible or not, consequences are still wrought. Initially within, then as out-workings. Just as from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. And actions proceed. Then, on and on. Forsake self, deny self--that which was plagued by sin is delivered wholly unto Christ, at regeneration--become dead with Him, then risen to new life in Him, only: No life for self, any longer. But only life in Christ.

According to which, we have no choice except to trust that He will order our steps in righteousness--we don't know enough about our own hearts or the actual needs of others as to otherwise proceed in righteousness. Even as there are things He's explicitly revealed to us, in finite terms--practices which are very much against His will...these require His deliverance and keeping (grace)...and also, there are matters of necessary practice...which likewise still require His turning of the heart, unto right intent and practice (grace, as well).

Because we're evil (God alone is good; actively opposed to God = actively opposed to good = evil), apart from His intervention: Apart from His preservation and deliverance. Apart from Christ's Spirit coming to dwell in us, regenerating our own spirit unto a desire for good. And, even then...the flesh must be brought into subjection to the Spirit or otherwise would continue to work evil---but the Spirit of Lord keeps and directs, as our minds are set on Him, becoming increasingly transformed, even unto having the mind of Jesus Christ.

He actively empowers us to overcome wicked desires of the flesh, actively bringing all thoughts into subjection to Christ. As we lead a life which is given to the Spirit. Not living according to understanding, but according to faith. A knowing of God, ever increasingly trusting in Him to guide and direct and preserve, ever having come to know Him.

The whole process is faith-based, though. Knowing and trusting. Pursuing unto knowledge, trusting more. Experientially, as per all means by which to learn of Him.

Again and again, I'm reminded that a Shepherd protects and gathers and directs those which are His charge. We stray, we are distracted, we are distractible, but He mercifully delivers us even from the snares of our own making. We entangle ourselves in brambles, but He mercifully and meticulously unbinds. And draws us near.

If we are His sheep, then what wool we produce is per our very nature, but given wholly unto the Shepherd who both protects the growth and shears when time is ripe.

Foremost, we are to abide in Him, in His Word, to be led of Him, by His Spirit...even to hear and obey His Word.

It's not tangible, although the out-workings are. But in a society focused on doing--being told to wait, to seek first the kingdom by longing after God, desiring Him and seeking Him with one's whole heart...is almost an offense to the senses.

But we are to wait, to seek with all our heart, to pursue with all our mind, crying out for God, in humility and brokenness, contrite--rather than necessarily being embroiled in constant action, as attempt to please Him per efforts. Even as all our strength is to be given in love, to Him. Then by what means, except first to seek to know Him and love Him as our Heavenly Father?

Patient waiting goes against everything the world calls good, though: A call to wait upon God wrests the power to "do well" and to "please Him" entirely out of our hands, in terms of visible, manifest, tangible, measurable means of gauging ourselves in well-doing. The whole deal is grace, though--it's only in and through our abiding in Christ that we do please God.

Not that He doesn't mercifully allow us to approach Him, still, even through such strange means as "works" contrived to be according to His will: He does draw many nearer Himself, despite that approach--an out-growth of self focus, an exaltation of human understanding. He does mercifully still work through those such means, though. Otherwise, we'd all be lost. Because none of us does perfectly well, none does perfectly right, by Him. Christ, alone, did so. His worthiness is our salvation. And our righteousness (good works).

So, He saves us, despite ourselves. And works through us, despite our inclinations to rest upon our own understanding and act in our own strength.

Yet, coming into a position of such mercy, becoming aware of such grace, should we continue to strive through blind efforts which do such disservice to Him? Should we not instead ask Him to direct us only in obedience which is according to His will? And largely wait, then, trusting He'll direct.

He has to direct. He does direct. Even when we fail to acknowledge it's the case, for those who are His, through Christ. He does order our steps, regardless whether we acknowledge it's the case.

So why not be all the more diligent in pursuing constant conscious surrender to Him, rather than continuing to strive for a means, through the flesh, to please Him? We didn't deliver ourselves, so how can we please Him, of ourselves? We can pray for these things, knowing He's faithful.

And He will and does direct into good works, even if not ones necessarily given to recognition. Maybe entirely ones given to obscurity, even. Or, perhaps only until a time as temptation to pride isn't a particular snare.

Turning to Him involves turning from self, is all. So, why, after initially turning from self, unto salvation, would we then revert to striving for obedience according to our own understanding? We prayed, seeking salvation. Why, afterward, would we cease to pray and ask Him for direction and strength in all else we are to do...waiting for His response and direction?

Paul wrote about it, briefly considering the absurdity of beginning in the spirit only to revert to dependence upon the flesh. And He counted the entirety of his service to God as being wholly directed and empowered by Christ--not of his own strength, not of his own will, but only manifestation of grace through him. In weakness, Christ was evident strength.

In constant toiling, suffering, death, and uncertainty...the power of God, through Christ, was manifest. Paul counted himself dead, that Christ was all life.

So, as much as he may have written about doing many things, it was yet in context of recognizing that all manifest deeds were either of Spirit or of flesh, and that those manifest of flesh were fundamentally in defiance of God. It's not a "fake it till you make it" ideology that we pursue, through Christ. If we lack something, we are to pray.

We're not to pretend, which only adds to any faltering. He knows the heart, after all. He didn't delight in Israel's empty sacrifices and offerings, when their hearts were far from Him--He won't delight in ours, either. Because He is the strength of the weak, He is our deliverer. He's not pretended capability given an identity. Rather, surrender and direction are even given by Him--as is every means to continuation which exceeds comprehension or defies ability.

He does the impossible. In us and through us. And He gets glory for Himself by doing so.

Along such lines...and whether the following story is true or not, the idea is valid:

A Chinese Christian came to visit America; at the end of his visit, he was asked what most impacted him about the American church. He responded with (paraphrase), "That you accomplish so much without God."(1)

We are busy, so busy...attempting pursuits we believe conform to expectations laid out in Scripture. But without prayerfully waiting upon God, prior to embarking, we're neglecting direction. Without constant prayer, awaiting certainty of His guidance, we're acting according to a belief that we're capable of discerning what's right and wrong.

Over and over again, going and doing, because it's considered better to err in doing than to err in waiting, in this world. We consider sins of omission far more grievous than sins of commission. The "better to ask forgiveness than permission"-ideology, in effect.

But even this requires balance. It's still another line to walk. Because neither immobility nor action without diligent, prayerful seeking are correct--His is a fine line we walk, not given to extremes.
And He gives the discernment, or otherwise there is none.

So, if love entails obedience, which oft manifests as action, then what is there except to persistently discern His will? Or otherwise, be more concerned with obedience to the dictates of one's own mind rather than obedience to the Spirit of God.

He alone can direct us--make possible that we would have His mind, as He gives discernment of His will. But He gives as we ask and continue asking. So, do we continue to ask? Do we persistently seek His will? Do we strive to know His will on His terms, moment to moment, situation to situation?

Or do we revert to blanket-statements, continually? Are we proceeding, prayerfully, or have we mapped out a methodology by which to proceed, as means of developing "security in our understandings," rather than trust in God, Himself?

It's a fine line.

But how can we know His will, unless He reveals it to us? Otherwise, we're continually attributing meaning which we've established per momentary understanding, unto conclusions regarding whatever seems right. That's madness--it was the central point of original sin. And of the failing of God's people, time and again, from ages past. To know and do what's right in our own eyes, considering it our prerogative to ever do so, we equate ourselves with God. And doing so is an act of defiance.

So, with that being the case, throughout history...why would we think continuing to perpetrate that same ideology should have any different outcome, now, than it ever has? Always unto judgment.

And if the Law only ever revealed sin, without ability to do away with it, then why would we expect ourselves to have developed the strength, now, to overcome sin and do what's right in the eyes of God by further attempting to adapt methodology, and obey strictures, by rote?

Isn't it rather by Christ's own Spirit that we're saved? And, that, not according to our own works, our own understanding--but, by His Spirit, by grace, alone?

It's all impossible in our strength--from salvation, to obedience, to sanctification.
He didn't come to restore us to our own strength, but to a right relationship with Him, whereby and through which we would be empowered by His indwelling Spirit. Not by might/intention, not by power/strength.

He didn't deliver us from the machinations of our own understanding, which wrought sin after sin, so as to allow us to continue to flounder along that same course. No, but He delivered us to seek after Him in truth, as led by His Spirit.

To be led by Him, into all righteousness. Not of our own strength or will.

But by His Spirit.
We often keep trying to do things in our own strength because we don't like waiting for directions, is all. It's difficult--seeing pain, seeing suffering, seeing insufficiency, and feeling as though you possess all that need be brought to the table, as a resource, in order to address what seems at odds. But it's also the height of arrogance for us to take on that stance--we're superseding God's own will, without having sought His will. Assuming it's His will, always, to alleviate.

That stance is compounded by the frustration of exercise of patience in the face of torment. Having nothing in your hands to bring, at a particular moment, except to say...I am praying...is simultaneously both humiliating and a point of despondency, outside of a complete faith and absolute reliance upon the knowledge of God's faithfulness in response. And especially as many others, suffering, are wont to fail to trust in God in favor of what they see in front of them.

We can't make ourselves God to others, though, without suffering in turn for it, judged for stepping in, in His stead. It's not enough to consider our intentions good. We don't know our own hearts, as to know. And if we don't know His heart, in the matter, then we may be apt to countermand or interpose our own will, when He has other intentions. If even only to test us.

But how often do we mock, deride, and despise the idea of primarily relying upon prayer, to the exclusion of unprompted interventions?

There's a dual problem on that front, is the thing. On the one hand, if we act, intervene, without regard for God's will...we are apt to even unconsciously exalt ourselves in the stead of God in the minds and lives of those whom we seek to assist. And that is far more detrimental to their well-being than is physical or mental anguish, or incapacitation.

Secondarily, that such stance devastates or expresses a sincere fault in our relationship with God, Himself. If we act in His stead, without regard for His will...we have even if unconsciously exalted ourselves above Him, in practice. I'm not sure that requires any further elaboration, as far as the depth of horror which that constitutes, in terms of One who is perfectly good and loving and just. Even as mocking prayer is in effect mocking the One to whom prayer is directed...if we question the efficacy of prayer, considering it ineffective or insufficient without accompanying manifest action...we're toeing a very dangerous line, in terms of what our perspective on God, Himself, actually entails.

Because we don't pray to a God who is unconcerned. We don't pray to a God who refrains from action for reasons which are paltry. If He doesn't answer with immediacy, then He has reasons far beyond our knowing. And His reasons are good.

So, to think we're doing nothing if we spend time in prayer, spend time studying Scripture and asking the Lord for clarification? Or even to think we're "only" taking small steps in loving others gradually, by means of praying for them and waiting upon the Lord's direction unto interaction or intervention, rather than proceeding always according to grandiose, enterprising schemes intent upon saving all and sundry near us? Slippery slope mentality, there. Perhaps already fully distorted, to have so low a view of God as to consider prayer inaction...and to consider waiting upon Him inaction.

To act without waiting signifies a higher view of man than of God--whether out of self-idolizing interest, given to doing what self deems justified in difficult circumstances...or even as compounded by idolization of others, who pressure for deliverance from suffering and pain in the presence of those perceived as being capable of providing solace. All this, rather than seeking the will of God, as all such matters are in His hands.

He has reasons for doing things the way He does. And they're beyond our ability to comprehend, so we have only to trust Him. And move as He wills, seeking Him first.

With everything.

Just whatever is right in front of us--guided step by step. Even as, sometimes, He does apparently have larger-scale pursuits for many--even incorporating and allowing and requiring ongoing prayer, during and unto planning, and development. Though, still, continually grounded in prayer--not arbitrary decisions according to what seems right.

Nor arbitrary actions according to what seems necessary.

All and sundry which occurs often seems intended to draw and turn us to Him, even as to glorify Him as a result and in the midst of suffering.
And all of it--everything that is part of the process of growth in Him--requires continual seeking of Him, continual pleas for His intervention. Nothing wavering.

So, if salvation and sanctification proceed only according to the Spirit, why would it be any different, as regards good works?
If we attempt such things in our own strength--apart from total reliance upon Him--then in what capacity are we producing His fruit?

Only by grace, at that point, if at all--He mercifully works through us, perhaps, despite our lack of reverential deference: Mercifully producing fruit through us, despite our lack of reverent surrender...despite our impatience.

But it's not meant to be that way, in Christ. How many years did He wait to begin ministry, even? By the logic of needing to act, because of the prevalence and presence of suffering, we all would scoff at our own Lord's patience in waiting to begin ministry "in earnest," as public service.

Yet, until we despair of ourselves--cease attempting to find new ways of doing things, cease the ongoing attempt to reason out new ways of pleasing Him according to our own efforts and understanding--we're just going to continue to work without regard for His will.

But He's patient. He's loving enough to allow this and yet still to save us, despite our blind irreverence. And He's merciful enough to yet work through us, unto the salvation of others, regardless our lack of deference to Him.

Although it's not meant to be that way: We're meant to be surrendered to Him, to walk in complete dependence--always rejoicing in Christ and being moved by love for Him, love for others. Prompted by the Holy Spirit, even as Philip was, to go and do--not per our own understanding, but according to His direction.

And on that count, if He changes--if He has changed in the way He interacts with His creation--then how could anything He has said stand? Furthermore, so long as we thus doubt His consistency by questioning whether He would still prompt in such direct manner as He did after Christ's resurrection and ascension--moreover, doubting He would still act in such a way, based upon present, skeptical observations--how could we begin to ask Him for that sort of direct intervention, let alone expect it, while professing unbelief?

So long as we continue to believe that He no longer moves as once He did, how could we come to such a point of surrender as to forsake mechanisms of self and be wholly yielded to Him?

If we don't believe He's willing, then with what desperation will we ever ask Him to deliver us fully into His service?

If we don't believe He's capable of bringing our resistance to heel, of bringing us into compliance with His will--of continually prompting us to act and move according to His intents, more precisely--then how will we even begin to expect that He would do these things?

All of which culminates in begging the questions:
If we don't expressly believe He is who He's said He is, then in what fashion do we actually have trust that He will keep us?
How can we profess to have faith, if our actions express disbelief and lack of trust?

Because either He is everything He's said and proven--whereby we who have salvation in Him have great hope for all things good, having every good reason to always seek Him first in prayer and wait upon Him diligently--or we're all lost, everyone, everywhere, anyways.

Because if He's somehow explicitly no longer operating expressly according to what is recorded of His ways from history past--having "apparently" changed but without revealing it explicitly through the prophets that such lasting change was to come--then that which is being served is a different god than the God spoken of in the Bible, He who came as Christ to deliver unto Himself a Bride and empower her for service, to His glory.

Consider, though, it was foretold that people would change. It was foretold that we would turn away from Him more completely as time passed--becoming more and more insolent, more and more blasphemous, more and more resistant against Him. To the point of even forgetting what it is to be human, again--women forgetting what it is to be a woman, men forgetting what it is to be a man. Acting, instead with themselves as they were designed for one another, for marriage. Without realization of it being disorder, moreover.

Because of the total disorder of humanity--having forsaken God in favor of a lie--worshipping selves rather than Creator was expected and foretold as to be the order of the coming day. Even to creep in among those called to God.

So, should it be a surprise that worldly tendencies have crept into the Church? Such that we would begin to falter in our appreciation of God's power and will toward us, toward one another?...given that we live in a world which has increasingly turned toward exaltation of man's strength, understanding, and wisdom, to the hostile exclusion of reverence for God's very existence, let alone acknowledgment of His complete and unwavering sovereign prerogative?

Isn't it written that He allows this, too?...that He sits in heaven, unfazed by our derision of Him--allowing international hostility for an allotted time? We only accumulate greater wrath unto ourselves, per this course: Judgment breaks forth, as He periodically and gradually refrains from restraining the consequences of sin. We're seeing so much, already.

Blindness was one of the first bits of judgment to come, though. Seared consciences, blinded eyes, deafness against the Word. Unto greater and vaster and more incapacitating manifestations of the consequences of turning away from right order, of turning against God.

Acting in our strength is being hostile to God, is the problem--such practice innately denounces His vaster, more encompassing, sovereign prerogative and resources per refusal to await His direction. Even if unconsciously, proceeding according to our own strength and understanding refutes the superiority of God's wisdom per thus abject refusal to await, thus honor, His will.

Yet, He alone can deliver us from ourselves, even in this.

Pray that He have mercy.
For He is merciful.

He alone can do this.

____________________________

Ref:
(1) http://www.swi.org/through-kevins-eyes/featured-articles/why-isnt-the-american-church-growing/

A Brief Consideration of Mercy

In the middle of a major transition, right now--been praying for months. Apparently started in October, on October 2 I called out to Jesus to have mercy on me. I was locked up on one front, into deep confusion--knowing the truth of Christ, growing in a knowledge of His character, growing in trust of Him post- and mid-trials...but so confused by so many things, in terms of personal action and personal direction...

So confused as to be completely immobilized by anxiety and fear--having ceased public witnessing, except in those instances where the Lord explicitly put me in someone's path. But fearful. Anxious.

Strange how He can and does still use such imperfect vessels, such broken vessels...even in the midst of their brokenness.

But this place, coming and testifying of the truths revealed (even incrementally) was a solace--a means of remaining focused on the truth of who He is, in the midst of even otherwise confusion.

Ceasing from thought only helped so much. The attacks continued and increased, in terms of attempts at condemnation, attempts at panic, attempts to derail into complete despair. All, on the battlefield of the mind--no overt actions or speech required.

Merely, the enemy used even good speech and twisted it to torment me. Used even teaching from the Bible to condemn and attempt me to offer self-justification--attempting to unseat me from total dependence upon Christ. Attempting to derail from realization that Christ bore my condemnation--that, yes, I am worthy of condemnation, have earned condemnation...but Christ paid that, when He took my sins upon Himself on the cross. And when He revealed Himself to me, revealing the truth of who He is and what He'd done, and further revealed to me my own wretched, horrid, loathesome condition as someone who had acted in blatant malice and disregard against One so precious, so pure, so wholly good, so completely loving as Him...He turned my heart to absolutely despise the sin, despair of the sin that meant such suffering for Him in His cause to free me from it, and it made me love Him beyond all else.

Absolutely all else passed away, at that moment. Everything became absolutely nothing--merely fell away from awareness, from conscious regard total, in light of seeing Him as He is. As He was, upon the cross.

I died in that moment--I died to the world. I died to my own paltry, limited, short-sighted and self-indulgent desires. I died to desire.

Desire was reborn, as an consuming passion for Christ. To draw nearer to Him, to love Him as He deserves, as He is due, and to do any and all things which He would will, anything, anything which would please Him. Because He's worth it, and His joy is my strength. Knowing that He's been pleased delivers me from all concern. And He's most pleased when I'm most satisfied in Him.

Just as He's most glorified when I'm most satisfied in Him (as Bro. John Piper has said).

So, the anxieties, the confusion, the panic, the despair? All of these things merely mean I've not been as wholeheartedly focused on Him as is necessary--I've been focused on myself.

And as has been recently told me, there's a very fine line with testimony--one must be very careful not to glorify man undue, when speaking of what God has done in one's life.

Thing is, though, so long as I'm focused on toeing the line and minding my p's and q's, I'm not seeking and trusting Christ to direct and keep me and order my steps.

It's a fine line to walk, walking with Christ--yes, indeed. Moreso than any other. But the thing is...He is the line, and He's also the One who keeps us on course.

He doesn't allow us to falter unduly, as our hearts are set on pursuing Him--nothing wavering, no part dark (increasingly asking for these things, moreover, that He would increasingly deliver unto those states of abject devotion).

He's the one who does the work in us, though. It's all Him, or it wouldn't be done.
The turning toward Himself, the revelation of the sinfulness of sin, the revelation of His preciousness and goodness, the desire to be quit of sin and draw near to Him, and on and on, continually.

If we long for truth, then we long for Him. If we long for true love, we long for Him. Not a love as the world gives--instead....transcending, purifying, unto deliverance from self. And He keeps us from error, being the very One who delivered us from it, in the first place.

He delivers and He preserves. He cleanses and He purifies. We are the recipients of great love and mercy, in Christ. He loves us deeply, and longs to draw us nearer. He will keep that which we entrust to Him. And deliver us, as we seek Him to do so. Even giving us the desire to seek Him.

All good things, in Him.

Through Him.

Ask Him.
And continue asking.

Mire of Self-Reliance OR Destruction Per Knowledge Which Dishonors God

Self-reliance is a snare. It's a trap.

As a signifier of quite how horrid and treacherous that route is, one need only consider that The Satanic Temple touts moral autonomy and personal responsibility as the core tenets of their ideology. And knowledge as a core component of ardent practical pursuit.

I don't recommend doing the research on those things--we aren't to fill our minds with them, because that literally invites havoc by fixating on evil rather than on the Lord.  Prior living made those things a lamentable port of call, is all. And the Lord has turned even that evil to good, in terms of allowing shared insight...per having been delivered, into grace, now clinging to Christ.

Moreover, the point is that...wandering into those sorts of ideologies seems utterly harmless. Except that such things are in direct opposition to God's sovereign grace.

What we accomplish by attempting to rely on our own strength, whether Christian or not, is resistance against God. The flesh is opposed to the Spirit. The carnal mind is enmity against God.

Not slightly. Totally. And it'll be that way until we're delivered into the presence of Christ, in full. Transformed, completely.

Again and again, turning to one's own understanding will only yield confusion, pain, false confidence, arrogance, and rebellion against God. He's been merciful to deliver from all these, and His keeping power is all which restrains any given individual from falling prey to them, ever.

The bondage there is very real. And it's very sneaky. Creeps up, slowly, for having such an appearance of goodness. Appearance of goodness being the key consideration...

It's a fruit which looks good for food. Self-reliance looks really good, really upright.

But it only indicates and comprises a resistance against God perhaps most largely founded in distrust of His willingness and desire to direct and keep our steps in order.

The best way to know if you know the Lord is to be able to look back on life, after the fact of believing oneself saved, and be able to see / receive witness from the Holy Spirit...that life conforms to descriptions in Scripture. Not before the fact. Can't do it before the fact, in a lot of ways.

That's the part which is perhaps most confounding to the human mind--being unable to comprehend prophecy until it's come to pass. And even then only once direct revelation is received, precisely.

As an example of this, consider Jewish reception of the Messiah, our Lord Jesus. Some followed Him. Few believed He was Messiah. Some did. Not many. But the most authoritative legal/religious figures...seemingly, for the most part...were totally blind to His identity. Full of knowledge, full of a sense of morality (far exceeding that of surrounding nations: keep in mind they attempted to base moral code on God's revealed will, which is the standard of morality), completely focused on the strict adherence to what constituted their version of personal responsibilities (per Scripture). Completely self-reliant, though, in interpretation.

To such extent that so many completely failed to interpret prophecy regarding Messiah correctly that Paul has forever been recorded as lamenting the blindness of his brethren, longing for them to come to a knowledge of truth.

So, it's not about knowing Scripture. It's not about piecing things together. It's not about taking a retrospective look at one's life in light of Scripture and just doing a comparative analysis.

If those things worked, effective in their own right, then all of Israel would have come to salvation 2,000 years ago. Because those in positions such as Saul's...made it a life-work to precisely know and study and interpret Scripture. Even through commentary of revered forefathers, of some.

But God didn't then open their eyes to see. He is now. But He didn't, then.

Point being, though--the foremost experts on matters Scriptural completely and totally missed something which seems utterly obvious to many people today. Those who know Christ tend to take it for granted that things which seem "simple" are simple to understand. That's a major point of contention, even, amongst us.

But these things we consider simple aren't--they're only "simple" on one of two fronts: either we think we understand them, according to human reasoning and understanding, because they superficially have an appearance of utmost straightforwardness...
...or the Lord has so cleanly and explicitly revealed meaning to us that we are totally unaware of His active revelation, as to have never even considered there could be alternate interpretations.

Not to say that all things in Scripture are as such, no. Not at all.

But even there...no one would argue that everyone in the world agrees on the basic truths of Scripture. Because there are many who are deluded, unable to recognize truth.

So what seems false, egregious, offensive, or even nonsensical to those who are continuing to rebel against God's truths...is actually very clear truth, when plainly revealed by the Holy Spirit.

The "problem" you run into there...as far as the attempt to interpret goes...is that if you are attempting a "one size fits all" interpretation, for the sake of "clarifying" for others what Scripture means?...when you consider the basic truth that the world cannot know or comprehend truth, as it does not have and refuses to receive the Spirit of truth...it can be known with utmost certainty that even the most explicit commentator, the most diligent information analyst, or the most thorough scholar of Biblical languages...is still limited by awareness of their own interpretations, and thus inherently incapable of interpreting in a way which will change what's rejected into something accepted.

Unless the very image of what's written is changed, that is. And, at that point, the Spirit of truth will prevent those reading from accepting the altered image. Because He is truth. And all truth comes through Him.

Or not at all.

So, if we try to set up a checklist, we're only as thorough as our ability to know all the potential interpretations. And potential implications. And this, even regarding that which we intend to "hold up against Scripture" as to compare.

Take two dishrags into a room completely devoid of light and compare the colors, compare patterns. What do you see?

You'll feel texture, especially if it's varied...but you won't be able to compare visible patterns. Unless there's light.

We have to have light to see.

And that's where mercy comes in, very drastically, in terms of instances where the Lord allows knowledge of His truths to come despite our self-reliance....in spite of our unwillingness to submit to His guidance, entirely.

Insisting upon our own abilities to interpret and understand. And to know and prepare. To discern and distinguish.

He is soooooo merciful on that count, to all of us. Period.

Because we're all defiant. We all tend toward self-reliance, reliance upon our own understanding. All of us. He came to save us, though, to deliver us. From punishment due such rampant rebellion. Save us from wretched rebellion unto wrath, into loving obedience through grace.

His love prevails.

The point is that we are completely lost, blind, and incapable of knowing truth, except that He reveal it. Even in terms of self-examination using Scripture.

But the good news...is that, despairing of self, realizing it's inherent incapability...we can simultaneously realize that He is both willing and fully capable of leading us into all truth and righteousness. Nothing wavering.

Just means having to surrender. Having to trust.

He did all the work necessary. Jesus gave His life to save us from sin, from wrath. We just have to turn from relying upon ourselves, even crying out to Him in despair at inability to turn from that course...knowing He will help...He will help us turn from sin! For reals. Even by helping us want to turn from sin and want to turn toward Him--toward total reliance upon Him. He'll help on all counts, all we have to do is...begin to just:

Ask Him.

And continue asking.

All hope and power is in Christ Jesus, God of all which exists. Turn to Him, He will help.
He paid the highest price to redeem us. He is willing.

Drawing Nearer: Brief Contemplation of Maturity in Christ

We are all struggling onward toward our Lord. None of us has attained the full measure of freedom in Him, quite yet. If Paul hadn't, then certainly we haven't. Though...maturity does come in fits and starts, as it seems.

According to His will, though.

That's been one of the most difficult things to grasp and come to grips with, in terms of seeing the despair of the Church, of seeing the suffering of the saints, of seeing the state of the world: It's all by His will--even if only by refraining from drawing us near enough to Himself as to free us more completely from self and sin...then, still, He is allowing these things (yet, since He's perfectly good, we can fully know there's a good purpose for all present things...especially given they grieve Him).

Moreover, since we generally won't ask Him to deliver us into His ready arms, He allows us our thus preferred blindness. So, He's currently allowing us to have what we will to have ("They may have what they will," moreover).

Problem is...we wander, except that He constantly keep us near Himself. We tend to stray, and we tend to compromise--by nature of the flesh, we tend toward self-indulgence and self-exaltation even when attempting to pursue Him and somehow especially when attempting to maintain order according to our own understanding. And we have mixed motives, except that He purify us. And double-minds and faltering hearts, unless He deliver into holiness.

These things are all recorded in Scripture. Just as it's recorded that no one seeks Him, and no one is righteous--not one of us. (Only Christ, the Anointed of God....God Incarnate, was holy.)

God revealed all the consequences of straying, though--yet every one of us strayed from Him. And He disclosed the consequences of acting in defiance of Him and His ways, and yet we have all done so, regardless. And those revelations, disclosures, are even seared within our own consciences at the outset of life--same as they're proclaimed throughout all creation, for anyone who would be willing to see.

Yet none of us have refrained from sin, none of us has sought Him for Himself. None of us, except that He draw us.

So, it's painful to see the pain, painful to experience the suffering of sin's consequences...but except that He deliver us all, none of us will mature in Him. Doing the difficult things, stepping out in faith--testing all things through continuous Scripture, prayer, and fasting: Awaiting direction, refusing to be rushed.

By grace, still. Entirely by His Spirit.

Just to move forward. In knowing Him more deeply. In being delivered more completely from self, from self-concern and self-esteem. To a place of utmost deeper trust, love, compassion, peace, joy, and wholehearted, passionate obedience. For sake of His name and for sake of those whom He loves.

He doesn't save us to a place of being inert, but into a position of being empowered to intercede for others, on His behalf. The Great Commission. Each and all who are His.

Whether of prayer, writing, evangelism, teaching, prophesying, or whatever and all else is necessary within the Body of Christ's operation within this world--He said the gates of hell wouldn't prevail against us. They would not be able to stand against our assault, in other words.

Because we're saved to wage war on what spiritual forces of darkness would otherwise attempt to drown out Christ's message of hope and deliverance.

Depending upon Him for every step, for every thought, for every word, is the thing.

Becoming mature in Christ is more about losing all sense of self, in favor of awareness of Christ...than about gaining "understanding." And especially given we don't battle flesh and blood--our warfare is with spiritual entities. Meaning, moreover, our only means of succeeding is to proceed according to the Spirit. Not by sight, nor by our own power--by His Spirit, entirely. Walking by faith. Nothing wavering. Increasingly.

No part dark.

Meaning there's no part which is given to self-indulgence or willfulness. No part of us which even can remember what it means to "want our own way," let alone to actually desire such a thing. But focused on God, focused on others.

Only Christ can do that work. We're not capable of delivering ourselves from ourself. Not possible. But, He's the God for whom all things are possible. It's true. So ask Him to do the work in you. And continue to ask Him to do whatever is necessary to reach such point of deliverance into His Spirit--continue asking, until He carries out His will in your heart and life (He wants us to be one with Him, same as He and the Father are one--He wants us to abide in Him completely, unwaveringly).

He will do this. He prayed the Father that these things would be so for us, so He's certainly going to answer that prayer, when we reiterate His intent (John 17:20-21).

And the cost is absolutely everything. He's worthy of that, and so much more. Total surrender.

Drawing us near to Himself, we are freed the more completely from the distractions of the flesh and of the world. And increasingly find all fulfillment and joy and hope and peace and love, in Him. Increasingly.

Nothing which is unholy can be in His presence, so draw near to Him. Be transformed by the renewing of Your mind, through Scripture, prayer, fasting, and ardent desire for His fellowship. And receive increasingly vast revelations of Him, images of His goodness and majesty becoming ever more encompassing and riveting and vital...and from image to image, becoming more aware of His being and presence...draw nearer Him, He draws nearer us. And we're transformed in His presence.

That which is not like Him will pass away, incrementally, as entering more deeply into constant fellowship with the Master. The Lord of all the earth, of all the universe.

Our Heavenly Father, who loves.
Draw near, through Christ.
Draw near, be transformed by His love. Purified.

Freed.
To worship and to serve, with all rejoicing.

Despair of Self: Christ is the Only Hope

Our only hope is that Christ is faithful. And that He's good. He, Himself...Jesus Christ...is our only hope. For all the nations of the world, and each individual, this is true.

We all depend upon God, whether we acknowledge Him or not.

He created, He gave life to all which is, yet He provided us--His creatures--the ability to reason, even as to choose. Simultaneously, He also delineated and has for all time described to us the consequences--both positive and negative--of our thoughts and actions.

We're allowed a certain amount of liberty in proceeding according to what we consider "good." And despite that our choices don't actually have power to redefine or institute absolutes, our ability to reason also propagates revision of our own internal landscapes so to accommodate for any express, apparent inconsistencies and contradictions with what actually is absolute good.

Thus, the further we've wandered from God's ways, the more drastic have been the internal revisions of our perception both of ourselves and of Him. To such extent that when we are at our most depraved, we cast Him in entirely different light (or even attempt to ignore Him, altogether), so to attempt to make peace with our own wretchedness as being unwilling to forsake depravity and make peace with Him to whom we have become so opposed.

The further from truth we wander, the more we attempt to malign truth. Unto such a place of confusion as calling good "evil" and calling evil "good"--again and again, this has been the case, throughout recorded history. As it is, now.

Again and again, to extents that defy any semblance of actual truth, humanity has sought to intellectually and practically dethrone God so to make greater concessions for our own version of what is "good and right," thus considering ourselves wise to "reject" Him upon basis of offenses to "our sensibilities."

This does no harm to Him, but it utterly warps and completely contorts our own ability to reason soundly. Exponentially so (apparently). Because He is truth, ultimately. And He is the ultimate of all which is good. So, to reason against Him--whether due to short-sightedness, lack of understanding, inability to concede one's own wrongness, or howsoever else has arisen such a vast departure from all which right and good...?

That course entails oppositions to truth and to goodness, inherently. So, explicitly, moreover. Opposition to truth undermines all ability to reason--reason which isn't founded upon absolute truth is inherently flawed, inherently illogical as unsound, unfounded. Compoundingly so.

Thus, such course signifies dire spiritual and mental disorder.

As particularly regards consequences which God revealed to us, we can know that standing in such blatant opposition to Him ultimately completely destroys individuals (diseases proliferate and mental disorder increases), societies (family loses meaning and social structures collapse, while in-fighting and rioting increases), and nations (economic collapse, administrative breakdown, and invasions occur, etc.). To such extent that eventually--when opposition becomes ardent and utmost expressed in all manner of wickedness done even further to spite Him--the very land becomes increasingly unsettled by such wretchedness, beginning to "spew out" its inhabitants.

By whatever means land does such a thing.

And this is just part of the natural order by which all things have been created--these things merely arise as external responses, manifestations of our spiritual brokenness, spiritual wickedness. Even as diseases proliferate according to the manifestation of sin, then it's only a visible means of seeing how dire is the situation, spiritually--and all people suffer as a result of the sins of any, as we're not disconnected.

But do we repent, seeing these things become more manifest?

Do we turn from our evil--beg forgiveness and seek Him desperately, that He would heal us?

He said that's what it would take to be healed and for the land to be healed. But that requires forsaking all the notions, ideals, and so-called liberties which exalt themselves against God: forsaking them, mourning and grieving over having erred against One who is so utterly and completely good and loving...and turning to Him, completely--beseeching Him endlessly for forgiveness, for direction.

For help.

Individually, societally, nationally. Internationally.

Because, aren't we so much an international society, at this juncture?

Looking at a portion of how things were with Israel, before Christ's incarnation...

God apparently had long restrained the consequences of sin from greatly affecting (and obliterating) the people, the nation. He restrained the consequences of sin--just ponder that, alone.

Our God is long-suffering...in His patience with all the world.

So, when Israel was taken captive, was slaughtered, was left destitute and ravaged--the judgment come upon them was effectively only come as the Lord withdrew restraint, then allowing a portion of actual consequences of sin to fall.

He didn't go out of His way to make them suffer. And He didn't concoct something out of nowhere, as judgment--their particular suffering was only a partial, prescribed consequence of lives they'd been leading. God had only ceased to fully restrain the consequences wrought by their sin.

Just as, even now, He restrains both the evil we would perpetuate, internationally, while He simultaneously still continues to restrain the vast majority of consequences of the evil which has already been and which is still being perpetuated. The consequences are all laid out in Scripture--it's all been revealed, already, but He's just restraining so many things, still. Were He to allow the full measure of consequences due to proceed without restraint, no one would still be alive.

If our present punishment were to fit the crime, all would have long since been destroyed. Infinite crimes against an infinite being...by finite creatures. Whereas, His wrath is completely justified, and as He is a just God...if restitution is not presently exacted, then it will be at some point. In order for justice to be maintained.

Furthermore, enacted opposition to an infinitely pure and good Being constitutes an expression of egregious evil, in contrast. So, how could evil ever rightly judge that which is good? And, alternately, how would one who is wholly good neglect justice?

Along those lines, we can't compare ourselves against one another, unto self-justification--none of us are wholly good, we've all erred against God. And God is absolutely good. So, it's His measure which matters, and all the more given He's our Creator, and thus ultimately the owner of all which is.

He has prerogative, in other words, regardless and exempting commentary.

And He could have justifiably destroyed humanity for defying Him, in Eden. He could justifiably have destroyed even Noah and his family, in the flood. He could have justifiably chosen to allow us to self-destruct, even, ages ago--we definitely tend toward that extreme.

But He took on flesh, instead, and came to save that which is lost.

Despite that we refused to come to Him--to heed or to listen. And especially despite that we refused to love, which is the greatest of all which is right and good and justly due Him and, thus, one another.

But, God came and walked among us--talked to us, and revealed Himself even more plainly than ever. And He even offered Himself as sacrifice, so we could be reconciled to Him: We killed Him, slaughtered Him. And before that, He was mocked, despised, rejected, and abandoned by all. But He went willingly--even into the torment of bearing our gravest iniquities, and bearing the curses and diseases come consequence our defiance and blasphemies.

He willingly took all our ills upon Himself. He bore all our curse, knowing we were incapable of paying the infinite debt which was unavoidably due--infinite wrath wrought per our rebellion, a justice demanding satisfaction--He satisfied that, for us. An infinite Being paid the infinite debt of His finite creation. He willingly satisfied the just demand of that infinite retribution due for our infinitely grievous error against an infinitely good God:

Paid in full, for any and all who turn to Him, seeking forgiveness and salvation.

He did this, so we could be free from brokenness, from sin, from death, from the curse wrought by our own rebellion...free from our debt to Him. So we could be restored to Him. To fellowship. To worship. To all which is good and right. In Him.

None of us have the ability to repay what was due. Just as none of us have a means of warranting His incomprehensible sacrifice of love. None of us can in any way merit such sacrifice in our favor.

We can't and couldn't pay what we owe, despite that the debt is ours all the same. So, we either remain indebted to God, under wrath--refusing to seek Him and find reconciliation through Christ, then to endure eternal wrath--or we acknowledge our grievous errors as warranted wrath, acknowledge our offensiveness, and call out to Jesus with every fiber of our beings--pleading that He would have mercy, forgive us, save our souls, help us honor Him as Lord of all, help us increasingly do His will--thereafter become increasingly surrendered to Christ, under grace.

He paid the highest price to make possible that we could be reconciled into right relationship with Him: God incarnate--the Word become flesh--shed blood, became a curse, and endured death.

Holiness and Life, Himself, became a curse and entered death for us.

And He came back to life--death could not hold Him, it could not restrain Him. So, now, because of His sacrifice and resurrection and ascension to reign the universe, forever, we may experience forgiveness of sins and deliverance into eternal life--through, in, and with Him.

He is eminently willing to save.
But the status quo oft seems preferred to legitimate surrender to God. (Despite that surrender to Him will come, regardless whether here or hereafter--He will not be denied.)

Complete surrender means some very hard things, though, for all of us who are so very self-consumed and even social-minded. Ongoing self-denial is required, and He leads in process and development and enaction...meaning, also, we no longer rely on our own ideas of what's right and necessary, in regard both to ourselves and others. And surrender means doing His will, even if unto public destruction. And trusting Him completely, even as unto death. And ultimately through it, into life eternal.

All this, without expectation of reward or comfort in this life. And without expectation of acceptance or understanding, in this life. But always longing, instead, to draw nearer to Him. To know Him and His will more clearly, more completely.

Because, in His presence is all fullness of life. In His presence is joy unspeakable, peace unwavering, and love all-consuming. And His is a love which doesn't operate according to the nature of the flesh, as never does it pander to the flesh. His is a love which transcends...completely transcends. Unto absolute fulfillment, yet wholly of a spiritual nature.

Pure, chaste, and yet more consuming and fulfilling than any which the world could even begin to comprehend. Nothing like the world. Even though certain things of the world are shadows meant to, in their purest and most holy forms, provide a faltering approximation of what the truth of experiencing His blessed favor and presence actually entails...of joy, elation, hope, fulfillment, and all things spiritually and mentally good.

These are necessary points of note, as there are so many false interpretations and impressions abounding. But that which is like the world is not of God. And that which is of God is not like the world: The world is opposed to God, in essence and in nature. Even as the flesh, the carnal mind, are enmity against the Holy Spirit, against God.

Those don't intermingle: flesh and spirit. They don't mix. So, where there is mixture, there's error abounding. And the greater the mixture is of the flesh, the more debilitating and destructive is the error.

But even then, only Christ Jesus can deliver.

Those who are drawn to Him, He won't drive away. Those who seek shelter in Him, He won't cast out. And those who trust in Him will not be ashamed or let down. He saves those who cry out to Him, in spirit and truth, for salvation.

We can't work it up. We can't talk it out. We can't ordain it. We can't set up a bullet-point production.

But we can trust Him to do what He's said He will do, as we do what He's said we can and ought. We can pray to Him at all times, rejoice always to know the truth of His goodness and mercy, seek Him with all our heart, yearn for Him as our utmost necessity, and never give Him rest until He answers.

Because it's all Him. From beginning to end. And everything in between, ultimately.

He's merciful and gracious, or otherwise we'd have no hope. He's loving and is worthy of all devotion. While the commandment is to love Him...it's only what's due, it's only what arises out of knowing Him, when one's heart isn't wholly opposed to Him.

Seek Him early. And late. Just seek Him.

Whatever it takes.
Because He is willing.

Confession and Resolve

Again and again, distraction comes. In so many ways, whispering darkly to my heart--songs of yesteryear, when no thought of God was honest or revered.

Temptations to fear. Temptations to lust. Temptations to covet. Temptations to idolize the inclinations of the flesh, moreover.

And I'm not immune.

And falling in even one way--failing to pray as I ought, failing to spend time in fellowship with the Lord, failing to meditate wholly and constantly upon Scripture...give way to greater temptation. To larger missteps. Even unto overindulgence in food, which also equates to misappropriation of finances.

And step by step, willingness and desire to dwell fully upon the Lord wanes--the joy of His presence fades slightly from memory, as temptations unto anxiety and further self-indulgence loom larger.

Speech falters, too, more concerned with trivial, earthly matters than with heavenly concerns. Those latter being that which we've been admonished to keep our minds upon as we travail on this earth.

Many things.

And the battle is constant.

On spiritual, mental, and physical fronts. Even if so much milder than those so many face, then still debilitating, personally. Except that the Lord keeps me.

Constantly.

Even in the midst of stumbling, He's my foundation. And I lament my sin, heartbroken again to have proven myself so utterly incapable of adhering to diligent adoration of the One who has utterly given Himself as to save me...the One whose love preserves me, cleanses and delivers me.

That I could turn from Him is heart-wrenching. Grievous.

And I am so sorry, again and again, to continue this...turning.

But all I know, the only hope I have, is that He's merciful. And just. And He does forgive those who confess. And purifies.

He is my only hope.

I hear so often of the works that need be done, to approach Him. And the approach that makes sense to me...is moreso that there are certain things He's given me as means to draw near to Him. And He is my greatest need, so drawing near to Him is what must be done just to live.

So, whatever it takes, I must do those things. As He gives me strength to do them.
And I will expect Him to do so. Because He is good. And faithful.
And His love is unfailing.

He will not deny me any good thing. He will deny me a means to draw nearer to Him.
He will not deny deliverance. He will not deny salvation.

He will not deny Himself to those who seek Him, truly.

That is my hope, in the midst of darkness.
He is my hope.

Because it's all about who He is.
About what He's done.
And what He continues to do.

Because of who He is.
And how He is.

I will look to Him, expecting His deliverance.
Trusting Him to keep me.

And trusting Him to even keep me from taking His salvation for granted.

I would not know repentance, except that He guided me into it.
I would not know truth, except that He reveals it to me.
I would not know peace, except that He keep fears at bay.
I would not know Him, except that He revealed Himself.

I don't keep myself. Right doctrine doesn't keep me.
Stringent focus doesn't keep me.
And even as much as it is a constant and steady, blessed need, it's not even Scripture which keeps me.

But God.
Jesus, Himself.
His Holy Spirit living in me.

He makes my feet as hinds' feet.
Though the terrain is steep, sharp, slippery, and more treacherous than I could ever begin to comprehend...He makes my feet so steady that it were as if I were quite designed to walk easily on such a trek. He keeps me steady, in the midst of a world of darkness.

He is the light, even within me.

And I won't fear, because He is with me. And His rod and His staff..they do comfort me.
Because He does restrain and rebuke my enemies, turning them away quickly, except that He has a purpose in allowing them near. And, even then, only within constraints He ordains.
And He guides my every step, in so many ways, preventing me from far more grievous errors...restraining me, and although He has yet to have fully sanctified He preserves according to His own purposes.

He turns hearts, after all. Hardens or softens them, according to His will.

Ultimately, to His glory.

I hope and pray to always have a heart which is increasingly turned toward Him, ever more fully. Because He is worthy. He's worthy of total surrender. He is worthy of complete obedience.

Even as those things are to my good, then it's so much more pressing that they be embodied as a rightful service to One so worthy.

And it's beyond my ability, such a wretch I am, even to manage a day in His presence without faltering. It's beyond my ability to manage to serve Him in any way, rightly. And utterly beyond my ability to maintain a right heart in seeking Him--so quick does devotion become a rote ritual, habitually and perfunctorily performed.

But He is capable. And I know He is willing.
He died as to make it so, as to make it possible. Resurrected as to prove the truth of His being and His love and strength.

So, I'll trust Him to keep me.
I'm going to trust Him to deliver me, further.

And, all over again, even day to day...I'm surrendering to knowledge of the truth of His absolute worthiness and my abject incapacity. In context of His willingness and desire to conform me, to empower me, and to lead me. To be led by His Spirit into all truth, into all good works prepared beforehand. Walking by faith, then, as to be a light, a living image of the One true light. But only ever in as much as His Spirit empowers and emboldens so to do.

Because it's not of the flesh to walk according to the Spirit of truth.
No, but an act of faith, perpetual.

Seeing, but not seeing.
Hearing, but not hearing.

Focused on His will and upon His being, so wholly, even as to be delivered from the concerns and the fears of the world. Not neglectful, yet as His Spirit leads. And always in accord with all the things He's ever spoken.

Onward, then. Trusting He will lead.

The Lord's Battle

The victory is Christ's. The battle has already been won, though fighting continues. Warfare continues, though the Victor reigns.

More to His glory, that each battle results in a greater testimony to the truth of His all-sufficiency and love.

The greater the attacks, the more blatant, the more deeply they cut to the quick of one's emotions...the nearer to defeat is the enemy, on such front. And the enemy tries all sorts of things to regain some semblance of footing, but without success, ultimately.

Because there's no foothold in Christ for the devil. The devil has absolutely no part with Him, whatsoever.

And couldn't, no matter how hard he tried to undermine or overturn Christ's purposes...no matter what angle of attack is attempted: Even pressing Christ unto death, in suffering, and through derision, mockery, rejection, and all manner of likewise assaults on both Himself, and thereafter, upon those whom He loves...Christ remains steadfast, thus so do those who abide in Him.

He is unwavering, strong, a high tower, a shield, and strong defense.

He is absolutely imperturbable, in the midst of even the most chaotic storm.

Nothing can overrule Him nor unsettle Him, and nothing can wrest from His keeping those who are His. Nothing. He was very explicit and utterly direct on that point, in particular--which for a One who used so many parables, to convey messages?: His complete transparence on that matter resounds with clarion authority.

So--no doubt. No second-guessing. No point entertaining alternate possibilities, alternate endings. There's only one--that which has been ordained by God. Period.

Even free will only exists within the limits which He ordained: Being God gives Him absolute prerogative on all matters, and He will have His way.

With hearts, with lives, with nations, with the whole world.

We will all bow to Him--to Christ Jesus, God incarnate. We will all acknowledge the absolute sovereignty of God.

Because He owns us--all the earth and all that's on it...all which exists, ultimately. So we are all His, whether we wish to acknowledge Him as our ruler or not, in the here and now. But, ultimately there'll be no denying that truth. Whatsoever.

He said so. It is written...every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.

Honestly, even knowing Him, loving Him, and longing to serve Him...the absolute truth of what it will mean to stand before an all-powerful, all-knowing, thrice holy God unsettles, terrifies. ...though love for Him does reassure...longing for His nearness does offset terror of Him...and joy at His goodness and mercy tempers all else, yet unto a sense of being all the more unworthy...and all the more grateful...

...still, knowledge regarding what that will be to appear before Him--even so slight a knowledge--makes the eventuality all the more fearsome.

All the more impetus to continually and increasingly make peace with Him while still on the way, while there's still time to further conform to His ways, His image, His being.

To never cease making peace with Him, is so vital.

When a resistance to admit to sinfulness, a resistance to wholly acknowledge His absolute supremacy, or anywise irksomeness of being confronted with inherent personal wrongness creeps up when considering any matter (though especially regarding God), it often seems primarily to indicate the flesh has taken hold, given room to the devil. Such as then asserts pride and desire for self-exaltation as reasonable.

Accepting the blame, then, although Christ accepted the consequences. He paid the price in full. So, what harm is there is accepting even wholly undue blame? None. Especially not when our own God and Lord willingly accepted the total brunt of the consequences for our own wrongdoings. And especially as sin has so stained us that none is good, apart from Christ.

Pride loathes the idea of accepting the blame when it's not due, though. Pride wants to present its own case, give its own justification. Pride wants to speak on its own behalf, rather than humbling self and doing as God decreed, to allow Him to defend His own. To exalt them.

There are so many different instances, though, that this even is a prayerful course--the Lord has to lead.

But just of recent...

...those instances of which this is the necessary course have been recurrent.

Very much like He told Jehoshaphat (2 Chron. 20:17)...is often, so often the case...

You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf... 

For it's not against flesh and blood that we battle.

And, even so, then the battle is the Lord's.

Prayers

Just a very brief note is all that's intended (hopefully, but however the Lord wills) right now...

Jesus has been answering so many prayers, quickly and explicitly, recently. He said He would, once He had ascended--so to further be glorified, to glorify the Father. So long as we ask, believing. And so long as it's in accord with His will, from what James epistle mentions.

But, asking...believing.

And isn't there even something He said, about where two touch in agreement, that it would be done as they ask?

So, either way--whether individually or jointly.

He's answered so many recent prayers, so many long-standing prayers are beginning to manifest answers, and He's revealed Himself active in other situations which are yet being prayed over.

Of the latter, when you're issued a multi-faceted death threat by one who also says--within the same conversation--they "know Peter and Paul but don't know you"...a death threat against continuing to pray for for someone? *ahem* Life threatened if you continue to pray?

Yeah, that's a pretty explicit indication that Jesus is actively answering those prayers and that continual prayer will be answered.

Because the Lord is in control. He's the one who matters, anyway--not me, I just happen to serve Him. And act on His behalf, as He leads me, when He so directs.

He's the one that matters. And that's all that matters, to me.

Fasting and praying. For reals. It's far under-appreciated and too easily undermined in this present age...despite that Jesus said His disciples would fast when He departed.

Fasting means different things for different folks, though, and when it's of the Lord it's beneficial. It exercises discipline, bringing the will of the flesh into subjection to the will of the Spirit, as requiring prayerful seeking of the Lord for strength even as to refrain from giving in.

Prior to coming to know Christ, there were instances when fasting was a thing done so to survive dire emotional traumas (before alcohol became the go-to and thereafter, compulsive). It helped overcome the pain, helped weather the pain.

And in some way that's much more effective now, when done unto Christ, rather than just as an attempted means to trump emotional pain with physical struggle...there's a freedom from anxieties, stresses, and other emotional burdens, which far surpasses what once occurred. Because the freedom isn't unto a temporary "calm," but unto a greater experience of the presence of Christ, as pressing in toward His peace even as to maintain the fast.

He has to lead, though, or it doesn't work out. Even if it's a fast from...say...Facebook. Or donuts. Or coffee. Or food (but not water--the point of the fast isn't to threaten one's life, after all, but to draw nearer to God: drawing nearer to Jesus Christ certainly doesn't entail reckless endangerment, as a general rule, particularly given that self-control/discipline and a sound mind are fruits of the Holy Spirit).

Whatever, the point is being driven more fully to a conscious reliance on Christ as to weather a thing (in my case, generally). So to overcome darkness, to break bonds. Or, as He put it...as to have more to share with others who are hungry and in need (spiritually or physically, moreover). And to be available to those in need. On God's terms, always.

That lattermost is of particular importance right now, in my present life and circumstances. There's a great temptation to rush into a situation with family, to attempt to apply band-aids, so-to-speak...just for the sake of easing a pain. It hurts to know loved ones hurt. But the greater need is for the Lord. And He wounds so as to heal, sometimes. He uncovers festering wounds so as to even begin to cleanse and bind them, often. Even as He allows them to fester, just so that we might see how deep is our need of Him, unto total surrender.

I keep being reminded of how He drew me, those last couple months up to regeneration, spiritual rebirth. Being completely incapacitated--emotionally, spiritually, physically, socially, and financially. Completely incapacitated. Hadn't become homeless, but was looking at that as a very real possibility...in a moment of stark pain and devastating reality, being confronted with the possibility of partial paralysis in context of being separated far from family, friends with means to assist, and without sufficient means to survive on any front. No perceivable means of providing for myself on any front, in context of those particular circumstances. No means.

He allowed me to come to the end of myself, that way. Being completely incapacitated on all the fronts which were considered my means of survival-against-all-odds, in as far as I could conceive of possibilities. Just to reach a point of conceding that God's means were superior to my own and that He could and would make ways where there were none. And He did. And over the subsequent few months, and now the subsequent two years even, He completely changed my heart and my life. Increasingly.

So, to see family members struggling desperately is heart-wrenching all the more, in context of recalling my own experience of coming to the end of myself and the beginning of total surrender to Christ (still increasing). My love for them has to be great enough to direct them to Christ for solace, except as He enable me to intervene more directly than prayerful conversations and prayer and fasting, apart.

I have to love Christ enough to trust Him with them, beyond all appearances. Knowing He's good. Knowing He's sovereign. And knowing He answers prayer. And it's His will to save. He paid a high price to be in position to do so.

I have to love Him enough to submit to His will for them. And love them enough to be willing to speak truth in love and do the Lord's will, besides.

It is so difficult, the struggle against self on this front. Especially knowing there are so many fronts on which attack from the enemy could be mounted as attempt to undermine devotion to Christ, in terms of seeking His will prior to acting and not acting unless He expressly empowers to do so. Such attack has already come, twice. But I defer to Christ.

And, honestly, on this front I count it a serious relief to be incapacitated, still, except for the strength given by Christ on a moment-to-moment basis. Being unable to function apart from ongoing dependence upon Him, conscious and continual, means that there's even inability to act apart from Him in many ways.

One such instance was recently proven in terms of attempting to take part in an activity which wasn't prayerfully considered, but instead was undertaken with personal intent--pain which otherwise is incapacitating, except that He shield, came full on so strongly as to make walking difficult. This, not as some sort of "punishment," but just part of the experience of living...which, being near to Him and greatly conscious of His presence prevents awareness of, to a very large, very real degree.

Acting consciously, intentionally in blatant opposition to His will notably makes my heart grow cold to Him, though. And simultaneously, in acting in known opposition to Him, I turn away from His presence...and am not as fully conscious of His peace. So, the things which otherwise plague?...become prominent, again, for having been allowed free entry.

Not sure the way that's explained makes very clear sense, but it's all spiritual-type stuff, anyway, so the carnal mind isn't apt to well comprehend what the Spirit isn't sought regarding.

Just, suffice it to say--I have two very real and constant options: Christ or death.
If I turn from Him, concertedly...the other is waiting with bated breath for another opportunity to attempt to strike. Turning from Him would be death.

So, that makes the choice a lot simpler, honestly...in terms of even the pain of being rejected by friends, family, and all and sundry--I can experience peace, love, and joy in Christ, and He is willing to help them in ways I never could so long as I walk in righteousness and seek Him and beseech that He move on their behalf...or...I can do what the carnal mind considers reasonable and either die by my own hand (the most likely, given prior tendency to listen to those particular lies when not shielded by Christ's Spirit) or otherwise, in short order (thus effecting no good for either others or myself).

Not much need to deliberate, on that front.

Thing is, though, my "dilemma," in terms of that choice...is actually the very same one which everyone is in, constantly. Only difference being that the Lord has allowed me to see how dire and drastic is the situation, per having allowed me to taste death so many times and yet be stalked by it, even now.

We're all dependent upon Him. Completely. For every breath.

Things have been becoming concertedly more intense lately, is all. It seems like brethren internationally are being accosted by all manner of attempted chaos and death, at an increasing level. Even while, simultaneously, the Lord has been answering prayers with a rapidity and intensity which apparently had long been unheard of (at least in western society, perhaps?).

And in the midst, it's next week a tower to perhaps the oldest recorded idol in the Bible is being erected in Times Square and Trafalgar Square, April 19. With intent to erect something along the lines of 1,000 such "monuments" internationally, in the coming years.

Absolute madness. So, I'm praying still for mercy...individually and collectively. He won't be mocked. Yet it awaits to be seen what further curses would be unleashed on the land by such blatant rebellion. ...which, hopefully, the things won't go. Hopefully, something...mercifully...will prevent them being placed.

...so much for a short note--there are so many things going on.

Jesus, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.
Dear God, please have mercy.

Considering Emotion: To Sing of His Love?

Again, just to speak of Him is enough.

I wandered, many months ago, across a scathing argument between brethren--one of whom is a second-person acquaintance (i.e., known by many I know personally)--the central point of which dealt with the particular regard for Christ characterized by praises of a body of worshippers. There was contention that love for the Lord was expressed effusively to such extreme as to be inexcusably excessive. Implication thereabouts such a stance is that love for God need be somehow restrained, clinical, sterile, stoic, or otherwise without actual, ardent emotion.

Is it so for love between parents and children, in well-functioning, godly households?
Is the relationship there clinical--without emotion, but rather a matter of rote reverence?

In some households, I've definitely seen that the case--love isn't expressed overtly, but taken as understood per strictly regimented order. Love is assumed, rather than being consciously acknowledged and expressed. Some cultures operate in this fashion, as a whole. Some strata of society are the same: Emotion is unconsciously considered superfluous, even to a point of being considered weakness if expressed sincerely...or, otherwise, considered an eccentricity.

Alternately, there are groups in which emotion is expressed without restraint, without regard for rationality or reception. Groups that operate in this fashion, unrestrainedly, can be suspicious of emotion perceived as shallow--considered insincerity, if insufficiently expressive. Such may expect to witness varying expression of the full range of emotions--from rage to ardor, and all in between--or otherwise, suspect pretense per what's considered "unwarranted," or even "unhealthy," restraint. This isn't as common an overt stance, especially nowadays--though there are pockets which persist in various realms of society and culture. And reverberations still persist in various psychological and spiritual practices, overtly: There are fringe groups and cultures where unrestrained emotion is still considered an ideal norm, is the thing. This, although some who live as such are blatantly considered dysfunctional, per the abuses which oft result from tendency to unrestrainedly indulge expressions of anger, especially.

But those are two extremes. And anyone situated especially firmly in either of them is going to be particularly likely to consider those who aren't similarly expressive or unexpressive as disordered, just per the stance of considering themselves in proper order.

So, as always, we have to judge the fruit. Not the tree. Not the roots. But just the flavor of the fruit.

Increasingly, I've come to suspect that we've effectively grafted in quite a bit of unhelpful and even destructive patterns of doctrine and ideology--contaminating the fruit, on all fronts, but to varying degrees and in varying ways. Just per noting that--as one apologist has put it--the fruit of the Holy Spirit is singular, yet with a complex flavor. Then, so be the fruit of the flesh...and of demonic origin. Though, perhaps there's not need to distinguish between the latter two, as the lattermost perhaps only works to exacerbate that which the flesh would otherwise tend of its own volition to do, as ever inherently opposed to God.

We can do bad all by ourselves at this juncture, in other words: We don't need nor require any sort of demonic influence, to err--all we have to do is fail to submit to God, thus instead catering to the flesh...and the flesh--even if only the carnal mind--works enmity against God. Without needing further influence than its own inherent contamination, per the workings of manifest sin, even only thoughts and speech quickly turn against God when not consciously kept in subjection to Him.

For those who follow Christ, though...for those who have been delivered to serve Him...we are attacked, with intent to get us to stumble. This, just to mock Him by tormenting us, even. Out of spite.

It needn't be any more personal than that, except that those who are known to be Christ's are seen as a way to vex Him.

I only know this, in terms of seeing it go on with family--can only imagine, then, how much more painful it might be to see it go in a child of my own, rather than in beloved siblings, parents, friends...

...but to witness someone you love being tormented? No. Just...no.

Which says there's all the more reason that He has for allowing these things, unto our good and His glory. For Him to allow His children to be tormented at all is no minor thing. Even as perhaps it's largely to get us to more fully draw near to Him, where there's safety and purpose, peace even in trial. Unto the perfecting of our faith.

As nearer to Him, there's cleansing, there's sanctuary like none other. Because no darkness can approach Him. It just can't, by nature. Anything that remains in His presence...can only remain so near as His nature permits, unless He grants some momentary favor, otherwise.. ...which, even still, yields a very poignant influence upon such a one brought near.

Look to Isaiah, on that count. It was recently brought to my attention that Isaiah was a preacher of righteousness prior to the vision of God recorded as Isaiah chapter 6. He was calling the nation to repent, even prior to that vision. And yet, the very one calling all others to repent...when he was brought into God's very presence...himself repented as one who was utterly unclean, in the presence of true holiness.

And John, who walked with Christ, who saw Him at the mount of transfiguration, who witnessed Him crucified, and who blessedly spoke with Him, resurrected...who was led, thereafter, even by Jesus very own Holy Spirit...no less fell on his face, repenting in terror, when he found himself in the presence of the ascended Christ.

Holiness is not of us. We can't work it up. We can't manifest it. We can't approach it through right doctrine or sound theology. God, alone, can make us holy. He, alone, can make us like Him.

Even as He called His own people, the nation of Israel, to be holy as He is holy--a people entirely set apart from all the nations of the world, not only by their worship of Him, the one true God, but also by the carrying of the laws entrusted to them. And they did not, have not, and do not obey as He commanded.

But neither do we, except that He directly intervene.

As He did, through Christ Jesus. He walked among us, holy and humble. Servant of all, Son of God, son of man. And we crucified Him for that. Even as He went willingly--He gave Himself to that purpose. He chose it, knowing it was the only way to reconcile us to Himself. Our kinsman redeemer. He purchased us with His own blood. Drinking the cup of wrath due us for our rebellion against God. He took our sins upon Himself, to the last, bearing the punishment due them. Offense against an infinitely good Creator equates to an infinitely grievous event, and the punishment thus due, for justice to be maintained...must be sufficient to satisfy the offense, in order for justice to be served.

So, there's no such thing as small sins or slight matters, ever. Because the weighing isn't in terms of the act but in terms of the actual offense against the one who has been wronged.

Put another way...

Neither of these scenarios is good, but, just to consider this on human terms for a moment...

...does it seem a more tragic offense for someone to murder:
...a stranger, in defense and with remorse?
...or a family member, yet without premeditation or remorse?

If the act and the result to another party is the same, then where does the difference rest?

I think the argument would more easily be made from any angle that it's entirely more tragic, more devastating, more heart-breaking, and more offensive to even the law of the land for someone to murder a family member in cold blood than a stranger out of defense.

And regardless what argument someone might make, in terms of evolutionary psychology or sociology or howsoever else one might try to weasel out of acknowledging the truth that morality exists as an absolute...the fact remains that the one is more innately offensive to sensibilities and conscience and society than the other is. (Except as regards abortion, though that's a whole other matter that is rife with pain and difficulties for so, so many--not something to be lightly discussed, although it is tangent the scenario.)

 Point being, though, there's a greater offense for the one than the other, although the act itself isn't effectively different--part of that difference arises directly out of consideration of the one who was wronged, even as it's also very much tied up the emotional and mental state of the one committing the act.

As goes sin against God, this is the case, too.

We each have had and have innate knowledge of who He is and of his holiness and goodness, but we each choose to act against Him. We each have done so. And each time we do, we must make a choice to do so--along the lines of an unstated reasoning like, "I don't feel entirely right about this, but I want to do it anyway...how can I change my view of it, in order not to feel bad about doing this?" Which, basically, means that when we sin, we choose to act against the moral compass given us by God. And no matter how bleak or destructive the society we're born into--no matter how devastating the circumstances, no matter how horrific or controlling the influences...we, each one of us, have to make those particular choices for ourselves.

And we, each one of us, are accountable for our individual decisions to act, although those who influence us to evil will definitely also be held accountable for so doing....yet, still, we each are responsible for choosing to act against God's good and just will.

Every time that series of rationale goes through the process, within--every time there's an unconscious or conscious series of reasonings for or against acting in opposition to the moral law of creation...when sin is chosen, when it's internally rationalized...it defiles the conscience, per that act of erring against it. The conscience then effectively gets gummed up...further and further out of whack with reality. Until an entirely new reality has been instituted, an entirely self-derived set of moral standards established which have no bearing in truth, whatsoever.

And the outworkings of sin are manifestly visible in all of creation, in terms of what destruction is wrought. Death entered creation per sin. Disease did likewise...and proliferates and diversifies according to the physical manifestations of the spiritual devastation of sin. Without respecting persons or beings, though. Children suffering. Nations suffering. So many, suffering.

And yet we refuse to turn from sin, still.

He told Moses what would happen to people and to the land if sin abounded. Just a matter of natural order, in terms of the effective workings of moral law: If you break a law, there are consequences. And it goes the same on all levels, on all fronts...where laws of the land or moral laws.

Moral laws are only those which accord with God's actual nature. So, perfect goodness, perfection righteousness, perfect love, perfect truth, perfect justice, perfect patience. And mercy...which He exercised most plainly, most clearly evidenced...in and through Christ.

He is those ways and He created us to be likewise. So, when we choose not to do so, we err against Him, even while simultaneously erring against one another. But He is the lifegiver. He created us able to procreate, but life is from Him. He originated it in us, and at the origin of creation He instituted the order to follow, knowing all things perfectly, always.

But we err against Him, when we sin. He who gave us life, who holds all of creation together. He is the universe in which we live. All of creation exists in Him. It's not entirely metaphorical, is the thing. He holds all things together.

And it's by His good will that the sun rises, the flowers bloom, and the rain ever falls. All these despite that our sin is marring and devastating creation, thus utterly mocking Him and His goodness and mercy and love, lavished.

Infinitely good. So how bad is sin? That He would become flesh, manifesting Himself on our terms since we refused to listen to Him on His. Despite that He has every right to destroy us. Instead, He took on flesh.

And rent the very fabric of reality, to reconcile us to Himself. God...life, Himself...became sin. He endured the suffering due for an infinite offense. Only an infinite being could satisfy an infinite debt. And He entered death. Life entered death. For three days. Before overcoming, resurrecting. He endured...all pain, all suffering, all torment, bore our diseases, all our trials, the weight of all our sin, even unto death. That we could be reconciled to Him, in love.

That was not a lifeless matter. It was not something lightly entered. It wasn't a course stoically endeavored without emotion, nor one which was given to irreverent outbursts of emotion.

He embodied all which is perfectly right, perfectly good. And He wept, and He rejoiced. He loved deeply, moved with such compassion as even to raise the dead so to ease the suffering of others and to glorify the Heavenly Father. He spoke pointedly to those who were resistant to truth, yet who nonetheless continued to question Him. He even brusquely confronted the falsity of the pretenses being maintained. And He cleared the temple of greed and covetousness, with sharp rebuke and decisive, authoritative actions which sent such ones scampering in terror of Him.

He was not a man without emotions. But neither was He ruled by them. Even as His love for us was so much that He endured all suffering, all torment, all pain beyond our imagining...for one so pure...as to reconcile us to Himself.

Jesus is worthy of devotion. He is worthy of all love. Not in a way the world can understand, no--the love the world gives is often tainted with self-indulgent thoughts and desires. But the love He gave and the love He warrants is pure, holy, and self-denying. It transcends all reckoning. And it is worth singing about.