Coming through so much, right now. Every time the Lord opens my eyes to see my sin, it's as though all the world has been completely changed. As though everything has to be completely reassessed, as brought into deeper submission to the truth of who He is.
Doctrine has been a stumbling-block for me, again and again. Longing to know the Lord, longing to understand Him, and struggling to comprehend so many things...again and again, rather than solely focusing on Scripture, I have continually begun to put great weight in various doctrines. As though they were equal to His word, for having been able to relay any glimmer of His revelations from Scripture.
Some people, maybe they can read and learn from doctrine and be very much profited by the process, overtly. Maybe learning doctrine does allow some people to draw nearer to Jesus, outright.
But every time I've got caught up on doctrine, or even on focusing too much on a particular passage of Scripture to the exclusion of consideration of the whole (and especially neglecting regard for Christ, Himself, as revealed throughout Scripture)...
...every time, I get trapped in some error or another, noticeably manifesting anxiety, confusion, fear, bloodthirsty desire to see judgment (painful to admit), arrogant self-congratulation, disdain for others, lack of love of others perceived to be sinners (despite that I'm a sinner, too, saved by grace)...and on, and on, and on the list goes.
Most recently, an attempt to walk in a way which focused continually on Calvin's precepts (not even completely, only at arm's length even)...just, yeah...madness. No.
Some folks may do very well with that teaching. Some people may prosper in drawing nearer to the Lord, while reading the writings of Calvin. But I'm not one of those people.
Instead, I became hypercritical, over-analytical, judgmental, divisive, double-minded, and manipulative. All...things which were so very, very characteristic of life before coming to personally know Jesus as Savior and Lord.
He's been gracious, so gracious. Even to allow the anxiety to reach such a pitch that there was no option but to either revert to drugs or distance myself from the doctrine. Doesn't seem like a very difficult decision, put that way.
Some of the things which have been most distressing of this recent foray into error...
...is how it's led to a weird sort of dissociative manner of interaction with people, for having gotten into a habit of...1) constantly assessing self for conformity to Scriptural precepts, which (of course) led almost immediately to 2) doing the same of other people. Seeking on both counts to assess and determine standing with the Lord based upon "fruits" or whatever appears to be in compliance with bits and pieces of Scripture which attest to one's salvation in Christ.
So, suspicion of self led to suspicion of others. All, initially under the guise of "self-examination" described by Scripture, as a means of "determining whether I am in the faith/remaining in the faith," and same of others. All, under the guise of seeking the ultimate well-being of myself and others--that I and they would be saved and remain secure in Christ.
Yeah.
Thing is, all the while along all the teachings of the doctrine, there's continual mention of grace and of being saved by Christ alone, through faith alone. And there were those alongside who made a point of mentioning the need to take many more thoughts toward the Lord than toward self, along course of any self-examination.
But somewhere, somehow, that just hasn't worked at all, for me.
The answers aren't in me. And as goes my own self-determinations and self-assessments...unless He reveals the state of my heart, I remain totally oblivious to how great is the need for repentance.
He does that. When and as I seek Him, which He even leads that...but as I seek Him, He leads me to repentance.
For every deeper glimpse of His holiness, there's been a greater despair of sin come totally in tandem with a greater desire to be conformed to His likeness, His righteousness, His purity, His goodness, His love. His mercy.
For every broader awareness of His love has come a greater awareness of the comparative lifelessness and coldness of my own heart, arisen alongside a soul-deep yearning to love so deeply in response as that love which is experienced. And to love others, as well.
For every greater revelation of how vast the mercy shown is and has been and will be, there's been a deeper despairing of my own wretched inability to cease from all sin...come alongside a deeper appreciation of His patience, a more total abandonment of self in favor of dependence upon His mercies, and a greater degree of yearning for reconciliation of others to His goodness, alongside.
None of those things have come from looking into my own heart, my own actions, my own motives, my own thoughts. The opposite has been the case, in fact.
When He's been so gracious as to deliver me from self-consumption, as to focus on Him...then, it begins to become clear that my motives have been so very mixed, so very self-indulgent. When He delivers me to rest in His peace, then the hope of being further sanctified rests in awareness of His goodness and in reflection upon His faithfulness, as already evidenced.
But every time doctrine starts to hold sway over thoughts and tendencies. Every time there's a methodology considered or pursued--apart from His leading, explicitly (He leads to fast, periodically...to read Scripture, daily, or otherwise be overset by anxieties...and to reflect upon His goodness, often)..
...every time doctrine and methodology have begun to gain ground in my heart and mind, I've wound up a wreck. This, including leaning too heavily on the guidance of others, expecting to be able to fully follow others just because they have been pursuing Christ longer.
No, that hasn't gone well at all.
I idolize people, rather than affording "extra respect or honor" to them. There's not much middle ground, there--at least none yet been found. Either I idolize someone or I consider them an equal. I haven't found any middle ground, there. And it's not really something new to life following Christ, either.
The problem with the idolization, though, especially...is that the tendency I have, in becoming uncomfortable with idolization there's great inclination toward mentally/emotionally/verbally deriding the person as to "take them down a notch" in my own estimations. That's still idolatry, even though it's taken malicious undertones out of resentment for being idolatry. So, it's idolatry compounded by slander, if that temptation is heeded.
It's so bad, and it's a downward spiral, and I'd rather just not.
Because none of us are perfect. None but our Lord.
So, it's ridiculous to expect perfection of myself or others. But it's worse to search out the faults for the sake of fault-finding. We all stand or fall before Christ, alone, ultimately. And we all are full to the brim of faults. So, it's both petty and mean-spirited to seek out faults and flaws.
And for whatever reason, when I spend time reflecting on most doctrine...that's what tends to happen--looking for faults or flaws in myself or in others. Seeking out details by which to discriminate according to the tenets of a doctrinal ideology.
I don't think it goes that way for everybody. Some people seem to draw nearer to the Lord, looking at bits and pieces of doctrine. Just, personally--has to be very carefully contemplated. And, maybe...may just set it to the side, in favor of only reading Scripture. Not sure, yet.
There are doctrines I've not studied yet, so whether they'll end up derailing faith if only considered loosely rather than taken as though Scripture, themselves...awaits to be seen, very prayerfully.
But this whole thing with Calvinism taken alongside consideration of "false conversions," which has been the deal for the past year and a half (yeah, it has been that long)...
...I'm praying still that the Lord would help, would continue to deliver me from the double-mindedness. Although it's not been much a double-mindedness in terms of doubting God, it has been so in terms of maintaining an unnatural level of objectivity in interaction with pretty much everyone else to the extent that interaction has been, at times, almost completely duplicitous--yet, thinking it a good and beneficial practice.
That's not of God, though. It's just not.
Constantly attempting to "plan for" how to determine whether someone truly knows the Lord, and plan for how to attempt to get them to go to church, or how to work in a conversation about the Lord...is just falseness, duplicity. Operating with ulterior motives, all throughout interaction--the Lord makes way for those things, or they won't be of Him. Although He may bless such misguided efforts, still, just for sake of being so merciful as He is...still, it seems very wrong to be duplicitous in that way.
For instance, I can't simultaneously cross-examine someone, with intent to determine their standing with the Lord just according to all their actions and speech, while acting as though I'm interacting without the ulterior motive of determining their present need for salvation...and consider that an honest interaction. The world does those things, without a second thought--I used to, without a second thought. Even just to determine my own standing, at times.
And in all the many years before coming to know Christ, whenever I'd mention to newly met people that one of my foremost interests was psychology, there'd be an immediate (visible) recoil and the question, "Well, you're not going to analyze me, are you?"
Obviously, their concerns were well founded. But at the same time, their natural inclination to withdraw from that type of interaction is very understandable. The type of objectivity required in order to always be analytically assessing while continuing a seeming-sincere interaction means that sincerity of interaction is superficial. Because there are ulterior, intentional processes consciously being tracked throughout interaction.
There are a whole vale of considerations, offshoots from that, which could be considered in terms of hypocrisy--just given what hypocrisy actually is. The word's a transliteration of the actual Greek term, which means actor, basically.
To have one intent while displaying another. That is to act.
My life before Christ was full of that, even having only been so much part of a very broken means of emotional and mental survival (eking by, at that--barely, so many hospitalizations)...so, it's definitely not something I'd never done before. But it's that much more distressing to have just stepped right back into it, now, while seeking Christ.
He has to do all the things. He has to free from this, and from all sin and sinful tendencies. Over time, and eventually completely (oh, what a day!). His is the power--not mine, not yours.
And while there are things that I purposefully refrain from doing because they are sin, and because there's some restraint possessed regarding those matters--then, still, the strength of will to do so is only by His grace. Because some matters of sin which would maybe seem like things that could be "easily" turned away from...they used to rule me completely, even knowing they were wrong and being convicted over them greatly and even despairing of the inability to cease.
I just didn't have the power. I didn't have the strength of will to stop and stay stopped. Even though some of the things were killing me.
He had mercy on me, though.
So, with the hypocrisy, with various sinful thoughts, with hardness of heart, with self-indulgence, with self-interest, with lack of discipline (in so many ways)...I'm continuing to strive against these things, all while throwing myself on His mercy for help.
One thing at a time.
One step at a time.
By faith, though.
Seeking to know Him, seeking to draw nearer to the God who took on flesh and died to redeem me...us...from sin. Jesus is worthy.
And He is faithful to deliver.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Don't Labor in Vain
Current things the Lord is clarifying and helping regarding:
Following Him is about following Him, regardless who understands or doesn't understand.
The temptation to justify self is serious struggle. And the temptation to exalt self is serious struggle.
Moreover, focus on people rather than God is a serious, serious shortcoming, still.
This is evident, in that consideration of self and others only has any semblance of meaning when taken entirely out of context for reverencing the truth of who God is.
As someone mentioned in some talk, months ago...even making clear that this example still falls way, way short of being accurate (infinity is...infinite...whereas this example centers upon a comprehensible scale for comparison):
Comparing or considering self in light of anything other than God makes as much sense as debating the difference between Michael Jordan and a 3-year-old child's nearness to the sun, in terms of height, if they were standing side-by-side.
Whatever case can be made, it's entirely insignificant, both being so absolutely far from the sun as to make the difference in height completely meaningless.
Isaiah got a glimpse of that, experientially, coming into the presence of the Almighty.
Prior to that point, according to Isaiah's recorded writings he'd already been out in society, preaching and admonishing--pleading and insisting the need for repentance.
Coming into the presence of the Lord, he found himself utterly wretched and in need of repentance, as well. That, comparatively, he was no less wretched than all those whom he had been admonishing to repent.
He saw himself as utterly lost, as well, in the presence of absolute holiness. And was utterly devastated, utterly and completely broken to realize himself so base and so totally corrupt--as though every word he might speak was only loathsome, being only putrid and false in contrast against utmost purity and perfect righteousness.
And so it is, crying out in desperation, counting himself worthy of destruction, crying out that the justice of his eradication be done...the Lord had mercy.
With a coal of fire, cleansed him.
Would that sanctification, entire, were instantaneous...but He has his purposes. His will be done.
Isaiah was changed. The fire purified, cleansed. And he threw himself all the more completely into reverent worship, grateful and in awe. Overcome, to receive such mercy. Grace--wholly unmerited favor. He knew himself worthy of destruction. He had seen himself as utterly depraved.
He knew he was worthy of death.
And God had mercy on him, a sinner.
He cleansed Him.
Extended grace to Him.
And enlisted him. Commissioned him.
I wonder whether he was as solitary as Elijah was. I wonder whether those, who were so markedly called of the Lord, had many earthly companions at all.
So many things.
But Isaiah...he was changed.
I wonder whether, when his message offended, he was ever given to respond. Or always to leave fully his fate in the Lord's hands, to defend or release.
He surely remembered the knowledge of such justified self-condemnation as experienced in the presence of God. Surely he never quite lost a sense of being due all destruction, and a simultaneous sense of being given a reprieve that could never be earned. Ever remembered, even as not to bemoan difficulties.
Perhaps, by grace, even as not to bemoan torture and a horrific murder. Knowing it justified and still so much less than was rightfully remembered as being due.
And even then, if he didn't fear, but counted it just to die in a manner torturous and horrific--ever forsaking thought of reputation, rather being committed to ever and only defend God's own truth and character...
...or even if he did fear, then so merciful a God as had mercy ever before...
...is faithful, to the very end.
Of speech, though. The past week has been all about speech. What is worthwhile, what is wretched.
And where the line is very finely walked, in terms of seeking counsel of brethren, then what but that the line has maybe been crossed?
Into sin.
Just another point of oddness, being considered. Seeking the Lord for clarification, seeking Him to examine my heart and mind, to reveal sin and convict. To bring repentance, for sake of His name and for even His love's sake, so faithful.
He, alone, can convict and change a heart. He, alone, can reveal truth. No matter how plainly any of us may think we speak it, unless He gives it life by shedding light unto blind eyes and bringing understanding to closed minds...
...it's just dust.
So many times, there've been moments of condemnation which were taken to be conviction...which only led to discouragement and despair and despondency, eventually to a complete forsaking of attempt, finding attempt to change utterly falling flat. Incapable of change, but told to change, or otherwise remaining condemned. After so many years, I walked away from even attempting to pursue the Lord, in part over that point. So as not to "reach the point where repentance was no longer possible."
Because the point made always implied that repentance only "counted" if it was sincere. And if it was sincere, then that meant not continuing to do the thing that had been "repented" of...because if you did continue, after repenting...then there were only so many times you could repent and not be sincere before you just couldn't repent anymore.
That was the underlying logic, at least.
Turn to Jesus. Repent of sin.
Repent of sin. Turn to Jesus.
Ask for forgiveness. Ask Him to be Lord.
And don't continue in sin.
Again and again, sin would continue. And I'd despair, constantly being unable to resist temptation. And many times not even trying, so ruled by sin as not even to realize it as the case.
But to feel condemned again, come Sunday.
And to pray again. Asking for forgiveness. Saying I'd stop.
And finding myself unable.
Till it seemed better to stop repenting, so as not to "run out of chances." Seemed better to wait, save up my few remaining chances to repent...until I'd gotten to a point where I could stop sinning.
And on another count, having completely forgotten about all those times...but returning to church, about 6 years ago with any regularity..
...I'd sometimes weep in His presence--the relief, the peace, the comfort.
But still didn't stop sinning--even having become so desperate as to have ever prayed to Him, to Jesus, again. Because death was so close, because of my lifestyle...and nothing I tried was sufficient to help me break away. Not even knowing death was fast approaching was enough to empower to stop.
I despaired of being unable to stop sinning, stop doing the things which were blatantly, literally killing me. And it wasn't till sometime 2012 that the Lord allowed me to begin to realize that grace means He's the one who does the things, makes the changes.
He doesn't condone sin. He doesn't encourage it. But the power to overcome comes from Him.
I had no power to refrain. And, in large part, though things were killing me, I still couldn't even really muster the desire to stop (except for fearing for my life, but even that wasn't really desire to stop so much as desire just not to die).
He drew me nearer. I sought Him, even like a blind man groping along a wall--even reaching out in all directions, floundering, but desperate to find something secure to latch upon. He led me, though.
I had no idea. And still have no idea. Even less so now than then, even, perhaps. Or, maybe just blind in different ways, now.
But He's done the work. I long after Him, long for His presence, long for His appearing. Yet even that desire is from Him, a gift. Grace.
Delighting in Him, as it's written, He has given me the desires of my heart. Even as unto a deeper walk with Him, a deeper awareness of Him, a deeper trust in Him. He has given those desires and fulfilled them, too. And increasingly, on all counts.
He keeps His word.
So, the work of sanctification continues.
And what need be routed, He'll have to route.
Because again and again, since having come to walk with Him, now...matters and practices which for years and even my lifetime have seemed entirely innocuous, ways of being...
...He's suddenly convicted regarding. And, despairing to find myself in a position of having erred against the Lord, my Savior...I've cried out for deliverance, for forgiveness, even pleading He would keep me from continuing in sin, but rather draw me nearer Himself. He's given me that, again and again--He's given me repentance.
And turned my heart from sin. Again and again. To the point where it's grievous. Even knowing that temptation is nothing to be mocked, but ever avoided for the sake of Christ, for the sake of His love, for the sake of what He's done.
Lovingly, gratefully, hope-filled submission to a desire to continue apart from those sins, yet knowing that pride goeth before the fall. And that pride on any one count...except that He continue to restrain, could precede a fall.
So, as in the past, even having direct mention made, discussion endeavored...all without conviction of a matter...
...all I know is to trust Him to convict.
Trust Him to banish doubt, fear, and confusion. Because He doesn't author these. He gives power, love, and a sound mind. Peace. Perfect peace.
Fearing people will do no favors, then. And even there...conviction is unto an ongoing plea for deliverance, forgiveness, and greater nearness to Him. Because He alone is capable.
Those who build the house labor in vain, unless the Lord builds it.
Following Him is about following Him, regardless who understands or doesn't understand.
The temptation to justify self is serious struggle. And the temptation to exalt self is serious struggle.
Moreover, focus on people rather than God is a serious, serious shortcoming, still.
This is evident, in that consideration of self and others only has any semblance of meaning when taken entirely out of context for reverencing the truth of who God is.
As someone mentioned in some talk, months ago...even making clear that this example still falls way, way short of being accurate (infinity is...infinite...whereas this example centers upon a comprehensible scale for comparison):
Comparing or considering self in light of anything other than God makes as much sense as debating the difference between Michael Jordan and a 3-year-old child's nearness to the sun, in terms of height, if they were standing side-by-side.
Whatever case can be made, it's entirely insignificant, both being so absolutely far from the sun as to make the difference in height completely meaningless.
Isaiah got a glimpse of that, experientially, coming into the presence of the Almighty.
Prior to that point, according to Isaiah's recorded writings he'd already been out in society, preaching and admonishing--pleading and insisting the need for repentance.
Coming into the presence of the Lord, he found himself utterly wretched and in need of repentance, as well. That, comparatively, he was no less wretched than all those whom he had been admonishing to repent.
He saw himself as utterly lost, as well, in the presence of absolute holiness. And was utterly devastated, utterly and completely broken to realize himself so base and so totally corrupt--as though every word he might speak was only loathsome, being only putrid and false in contrast against utmost purity and perfect righteousness.
And so it is, crying out in desperation, counting himself worthy of destruction, crying out that the justice of his eradication be done...the Lord had mercy.
With a coal of fire, cleansed him.
Would that sanctification, entire, were instantaneous...but He has his purposes. His will be done.
Isaiah was changed. The fire purified, cleansed. And he threw himself all the more completely into reverent worship, grateful and in awe. Overcome, to receive such mercy. Grace--wholly unmerited favor. He knew himself worthy of destruction. He had seen himself as utterly depraved.
He knew he was worthy of death.
And God had mercy on him, a sinner.
He cleansed Him.
Extended grace to Him.
And enlisted him. Commissioned him.
I wonder whether he was as solitary as Elijah was. I wonder whether those, who were so markedly called of the Lord, had many earthly companions at all.
So many things.
But Isaiah...he was changed.
I wonder whether, when his message offended, he was ever given to respond. Or always to leave fully his fate in the Lord's hands, to defend or release.
He surely remembered the knowledge of such justified self-condemnation as experienced in the presence of God. Surely he never quite lost a sense of being due all destruction, and a simultaneous sense of being given a reprieve that could never be earned. Ever remembered, even as not to bemoan difficulties.
Perhaps, by grace, even as not to bemoan torture and a horrific murder. Knowing it justified and still so much less than was rightfully remembered as being due.
And even then, if he didn't fear, but counted it just to die in a manner torturous and horrific--ever forsaking thought of reputation, rather being committed to ever and only defend God's own truth and character...
...or even if he did fear, then so merciful a God as had mercy ever before...
...is faithful, to the very end.
Of speech, though. The past week has been all about speech. What is worthwhile, what is wretched.
And where the line is very finely walked, in terms of seeking counsel of brethren, then what but that the line has maybe been crossed?
Into sin.
Just another point of oddness, being considered. Seeking the Lord for clarification, seeking Him to examine my heart and mind, to reveal sin and convict. To bring repentance, for sake of His name and for even His love's sake, so faithful.
He, alone, can convict and change a heart. He, alone, can reveal truth. No matter how plainly any of us may think we speak it, unless He gives it life by shedding light unto blind eyes and bringing understanding to closed minds...
...it's just dust.
So many times, there've been moments of condemnation which were taken to be conviction...which only led to discouragement and despair and despondency, eventually to a complete forsaking of attempt, finding attempt to change utterly falling flat. Incapable of change, but told to change, or otherwise remaining condemned. After so many years, I walked away from even attempting to pursue the Lord, in part over that point. So as not to "reach the point where repentance was no longer possible."
Because the point made always implied that repentance only "counted" if it was sincere. And if it was sincere, then that meant not continuing to do the thing that had been "repented" of...because if you did continue, after repenting...then there were only so many times you could repent and not be sincere before you just couldn't repent anymore.
That was the underlying logic, at least.
Turn to Jesus. Repent of sin.
Repent of sin. Turn to Jesus.
Ask for forgiveness. Ask Him to be Lord.
And don't continue in sin.
Again and again, sin would continue. And I'd despair, constantly being unable to resist temptation. And many times not even trying, so ruled by sin as not even to realize it as the case.
But to feel condemned again, come Sunday.
And to pray again. Asking for forgiveness. Saying I'd stop.
And finding myself unable.
Till it seemed better to stop repenting, so as not to "run out of chances." Seemed better to wait, save up my few remaining chances to repent...until I'd gotten to a point where I could stop sinning.
And on another count, having completely forgotten about all those times...but returning to church, about 6 years ago with any regularity..
...I'd sometimes weep in His presence--the relief, the peace, the comfort.
But still didn't stop sinning--even having become so desperate as to have ever prayed to Him, to Jesus, again. Because death was so close, because of my lifestyle...and nothing I tried was sufficient to help me break away. Not even knowing death was fast approaching was enough to empower to stop.
I despaired of being unable to stop sinning, stop doing the things which were blatantly, literally killing me. And it wasn't till sometime 2012 that the Lord allowed me to begin to realize that grace means He's the one who does the things, makes the changes.
He doesn't condone sin. He doesn't encourage it. But the power to overcome comes from Him.
I had no power to refrain. And, in large part, though things were killing me, I still couldn't even really muster the desire to stop (except for fearing for my life, but even that wasn't really desire to stop so much as desire just not to die).
He drew me nearer. I sought Him, even like a blind man groping along a wall--even reaching out in all directions, floundering, but desperate to find something secure to latch upon. He led me, though.
I had no idea. And still have no idea. Even less so now than then, even, perhaps. Or, maybe just blind in different ways, now.
But He's done the work. I long after Him, long for His presence, long for His appearing. Yet even that desire is from Him, a gift. Grace.
Delighting in Him, as it's written, He has given me the desires of my heart. Even as unto a deeper walk with Him, a deeper awareness of Him, a deeper trust in Him. He has given those desires and fulfilled them, too. And increasingly, on all counts.
He keeps His word.
So, the work of sanctification continues.
And what need be routed, He'll have to route.
Because again and again, since having come to walk with Him, now...matters and practices which for years and even my lifetime have seemed entirely innocuous, ways of being...
...He's suddenly convicted regarding. And, despairing to find myself in a position of having erred against the Lord, my Savior...I've cried out for deliverance, for forgiveness, even pleading He would keep me from continuing in sin, but rather draw me nearer Himself. He's given me that, again and again--He's given me repentance.
And turned my heart from sin. Again and again. To the point where it's grievous. Even knowing that temptation is nothing to be mocked, but ever avoided for the sake of Christ, for the sake of His love, for the sake of what He's done.
Lovingly, gratefully, hope-filled submission to a desire to continue apart from those sins, yet knowing that pride goeth before the fall. And that pride on any one count...except that He continue to restrain, could precede a fall.
So, as in the past, even having direct mention made, discussion endeavored...all without conviction of a matter...
...all I know is to trust Him to convict.
Trust Him to banish doubt, fear, and confusion. Because He doesn't author these. He gives power, love, and a sound mind. Peace. Perfect peace.
Fearing people will do no favors, then. And even there...conviction is unto an ongoing plea for deliverance, forgiveness, and greater nearness to Him. Because He alone is capable.
Those who build the house labor in vain, unless the Lord builds it.
Friday, May 13, 2016
Holy Desperation: Dependence Upon God
Contemplating the beauty of holiness.
God, alone, is truly holy. All else which approaches unto holiness merely approaches unto Him.
Pristine, unapproachable light.
So many things, lately, in terms of worldliness.
And the thing of that...is of the heart, and not mere action. Any dependence upon self is a usurpation of God's authority of that realm.
This is very difficult to consider, as words don't really well convey. Because it's not a matter of despondency which lingers in abysmal despair, but rather a forsaking of preference and consideration, in favor of something which is an often wordless rejoicing to seek His will.
As best can presently be regarded, this seems to apply in all directs. Giving thanks, always. Giving Him glory for all ability and for all opportunities to spiritually overcome circumstances which might otherwise discourage or derail.
The part of all this which is most confounding, though, is something of how there's need for an encompassing desire for such things, even as to begin to approach unto embodiment. Whereby, even that such desire is a progressive revelation by the Holy Spirit of Christ.
He works these things in us, in other words, as we seek Him. As we draw nearer to Him, He changes us--from image to image, glory to glory. As we see Him, then so as we transformed to be like Him, to His glory.
He could do these things in an instant, and yet He takes time. The process is seemingly gradual, incremental, even as there are points of vast change within brief spans of time. Spurts of growth.
There's so much blindness, though, in general. We are, so many, so very blind. Seeing only circumstances, seeing only what seems logical according to precepts and philosophies of long study. Mercifully, He hasn't completely given us over to sin, or there'd be no salvation, no proclamation of the Gospel. But for His name's sake, for the sake of gathering His sheep which He purchased with His own blood...for the sake of His steadfast love...He hasn't completely given us over to our own devices.
Though we're so far distant, on so many fronts. Each to each, we each one need to seek Him, is the thing. In prayer, through Scripture, through fasting and fellowship. Through study and contemplation of the Word. Always testing all things. And praising Him, all the while.
But we are each called to this. All who are called by His name are called to a life of self-denial, of putting to death the desires of the flesh, of casting off the cares and concerns of the world. Being about the Father's business, forsaking self.
We're all called to be holy, as He is holy.
We're called to be pure, as He is pure.
We're called to walk in the same manner that Jesus walked, as a matter of lifestyle and inclination.
We are called.
He does the work, we walk it out. He calls, He draws. We seek, we approach. He opens our eyes to the truth of who He is, He gives us faith, He regenerates our spirit. We repent of our sin, we cry out to Him for salvation, we rejoice in coming to know Him. Personally. Individually. Or not at all.
Not everyone seems to be as consciously aware of a knowledge of Him, a relationship with Him. But He mercifully, apparently doesn't require that so long as we respond to Him.
Step by step, He leads. Even us being unaware of the process, unaware of the progress, unaware of His abiding presence...then, still, He leads. Grace, manifest.
He said that in the end times, even the elect would be deceived, if it were possible. Many would fall away from a true knowledge of Him. Many would be deceived.
And affections--true, genuine, sincere, legitimate affection...love...would grow cold. Offenses would abound. Even amongst brethren.
And, because of Him, because of the truth of who He is...even households would be split against themselves. Over truth. Division, because of truth.
Truth does divide, merely per contrast against anything which doesn't align. And while there are many things that take only shades of difference, altering only minor points, but to such an extent as to constitute deviation from absolute truth...
...while there are those, then we're called to be all the more dependent upon Him and grateful to Him, that He would give us sight. Guiding through the valley of the shadow of death, as it were.
His rod and His staff are a comfort. Even being completely uncertain of all matters, proceeding...then, His guidance is always sure.
One interpretation that recurs, regarding those who are His, is as the wind. You know it for what it is, you feel its influence as it comes. But no one really can say where its utmost origin is, being a convergence of so many influences, even unto so many others...that no one truly can know where that specific breeze goes thereafter. You don't see it, but you can witness the evidence of presence in numerous ways.
His guidance is oft like that: Tested, to ensure. Prayer, constant, to seek after His will. Reading and rereading Scripture, again and again, to better discern His voice and ways--always to test and to seek for further revelation and adoption of His ways, His will.
Yet, He moves us each step by step, even with the barest of an urge to step right or left, as to ever remain on the path. Always, to walk in His will. Seeking this, foremost. Desiring it, foremost. And knowing He is faithful. And He will forgive confessed sin, and cleanse, and sanctify progressively, all along the while.
Ever leading in a way which is according to His will. Sidestepping pitfalls, even unawares, as He guides steps so gently yet securely--largely unconsciously enacted. Guiding into His will, guiding away from sin.
Ever, though, nearer to Himself. We walk, He directs. He gives the strength even to walk, though.
As we seek Him for that. And continue seeking Him for it. Just, never to cease asking, knowing He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. He is.
It's not by our will, though. Nor by our might or ability, though He will utilize these to His glory.
Still, He's most glorified when we are most dependent.
Being absolutely unworthy, being absolutely incapable, being the least qualified to speak on any such things, as being so utterly wretched and broken and inconsistent and disloyal and undependable and depraved...the only good that there is, is of Him. And any which does shine through, that is of loyalty, tenderness, righteousness, and consistency...is all the more evident as solely of Him.
In weakness is His strength most manifest.
God, alone, is truly holy. All else which approaches unto holiness merely approaches unto Him.
Pristine, unapproachable light.
So many things, lately, in terms of worldliness.
And the thing of that...is of the heart, and not mere action. Any dependence upon self is a usurpation of God's authority of that realm.
This is very difficult to consider, as words don't really well convey. Because it's not a matter of despondency which lingers in abysmal despair, but rather a forsaking of preference and consideration, in favor of something which is an often wordless rejoicing to seek His will.
As best can presently be regarded, this seems to apply in all directs. Giving thanks, always. Giving Him glory for all ability and for all opportunities to spiritually overcome circumstances which might otherwise discourage or derail.
The part of all this which is most confounding, though, is something of how there's need for an encompassing desire for such things, even as to begin to approach unto embodiment. Whereby, even that such desire is a progressive revelation by the Holy Spirit of Christ.
He works these things in us, in other words, as we seek Him. As we draw nearer to Him, He changes us--from image to image, glory to glory. As we see Him, then so as we transformed to be like Him, to His glory.
He could do these things in an instant, and yet He takes time. The process is seemingly gradual, incremental, even as there are points of vast change within brief spans of time. Spurts of growth.
There's so much blindness, though, in general. We are, so many, so very blind. Seeing only circumstances, seeing only what seems logical according to precepts and philosophies of long study. Mercifully, He hasn't completely given us over to sin, or there'd be no salvation, no proclamation of the Gospel. But for His name's sake, for the sake of gathering His sheep which He purchased with His own blood...for the sake of His steadfast love...He hasn't completely given us over to our own devices.
Though we're so far distant, on so many fronts. Each to each, we each one need to seek Him, is the thing. In prayer, through Scripture, through fasting and fellowship. Through study and contemplation of the Word. Always testing all things. And praising Him, all the while.
But we are each called to this. All who are called by His name are called to a life of self-denial, of putting to death the desires of the flesh, of casting off the cares and concerns of the world. Being about the Father's business, forsaking self.
We're all called to be holy, as He is holy.
We're called to be pure, as He is pure.
We're called to walk in the same manner that Jesus walked, as a matter of lifestyle and inclination.
We are called.
He does the work, we walk it out. He calls, He draws. We seek, we approach. He opens our eyes to the truth of who He is, He gives us faith, He regenerates our spirit. We repent of our sin, we cry out to Him for salvation, we rejoice in coming to know Him. Personally. Individually. Or not at all.
Not everyone seems to be as consciously aware of a knowledge of Him, a relationship with Him. But He mercifully, apparently doesn't require that so long as we respond to Him.
Step by step, He leads. Even us being unaware of the process, unaware of the progress, unaware of His abiding presence...then, still, He leads. Grace, manifest.
He said that in the end times, even the elect would be deceived, if it were possible. Many would fall away from a true knowledge of Him. Many would be deceived.
And affections--true, genuine, sincere, legitimate affection...love...would grow cold. Offenses would abound. Even amongst brethren.
And, because of Him, because of the truth of who He is...even households would be split against themselves. Over truth. Division, because of truth.
Truth does divide, merely per contrast against anything which doesn't align. And while there are many things that take only shades of difference, altering only minor points, but to such an extent as to constitute deviation from absolute truth...
...while there are those, then we're called to be all the more dependent upon Him and grateful to Him, that He would give us sight. Guiding through the valley of the shadow of death, as it were.
His rod and His staff are a comfort. Even being completely uncertain of all matters, proceeding...then, His guidance is always sure.
One interpretation that recurs, regarding those who are His, is as the wind. You know it for what it is, you feel its influence as it comes. But no one really can say where its utmost origin is, being a convergence of so many influences, even unto so many others...that no one truly can know where that specific breeze goes thereafter. You don't see it, but you can witness the evidence of presence in numerous ways.
His guidance is oft like that: Tested, to ensure. Prayer, constant, to seek after His will. Reading and rereading Scripture, again and again, to better discern His voice and ways--always to test and to seek for further revelation and adoption of His ways, His will.
Yet, He moves us each step by step, even with the barest of an urge to step right or left, as to ever remain on the path. Always, to walk in His will. Seeking this, foremost. Desiring it, foremost. And knowing He is faithful. And He will forgive confessed sin, and cleanse, and sanctify progressively, all along the while.
Ever leading in a way which is according to His will. Sidestepping pitfalls, even unawares, as He guides steps so gently yet securely--largely unconsciously enacted. Guiding into His will, guiding away from sin.
Ever, though, nearer to Himself. We walk, He directs. He gives the strength even to walk, though.
As we seek Him for that. And continue seeking Him for it. Just, never to cease asking, knowing He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. He is.
It's not by our will, though. Nor by our might or ability, though He will utilize these to His glory.
Still, He's most glorified when we are most dependent.
Being absolutely unworthy, being absolutely incapable, being the least qualified to speak on any such things, as being so utterly wretched and broken and inconsistent and disloyal and undependable and depraved...the only good that there is, is of Him. And any which does shine through, that is of loyalty, tenderness, righteousness, and consistency...is all the more evident as solely of Him.
In weakness is His strength most manifest.
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Speaking Truth: An Act of Faith
The line between being an accessory per complicit (i.e., non-confrontational) awareness of sin and being led of God to speak in love to reveal the truth of how horrendous is sin...
...is one that's being sought, increasingly, now.
You can't make argument that Christians have always taken strong, public stands in terms of denouncing sin, when there exists tradition of code used by our ancient brothers and sisters so to identify themselves to one another without alerting the secular world of their devotion to Christ.
Literally having gone into hiding, Christians obviously weren't engaging in large-scale public proclamation of the horrors of ever having turned from God. Their concern wasn't taking a stance against the world, publicly.
And yet, if they hadn't ever spoken of Christ and of His sacrifice to atone for sin--even speaking, as part of that revelation, of the truth of sins' horrors...
...if they hadn't spoken to some about the treachery and horror of sin, none would have been added to the number of those redeemed by Christ--not through their lives, through their ministry, at least (granted, the Lord does draw many without human intervention, apparently...still, we are all told to make disciples).
Yet, it was surely person by person, then? Divine appointment by divine appointment?
Even as the law given to Israel made it clear they were to correct their neighbor when wrongdoing was noticed--otherwise such a person who refused to confront their neighbor would be counted guilty as well--then still (Leviticus 19:17)...such a thing is not a light or easy matter to consider or approach. And it's not something that apparently applies to all and sundry, everywhere, at all times, now--except that the Lord leads in that particular way (sometimes He definitely does--check out the commissions given the Old Testament prophets, keeping in mind that God doesn't change).
Point being, those of us who know truth have a deep responsibility to share it. With a great deal of discernment and love, in terms of being guided by the Lord, in how and with whom to do so.
Guided by Him rather than being a "bull in a China shop," as the saying goes--rather than awkwardly bludgeoning everyone and wreaking havoc, we are called to speak the truth in love. Love doesn't mean compromise, though.
That's the part that's hard. The flesh would rather do what's easy, what's less painful, what causes less friction--saving face, preserving reputation, not "rocking the boat."
Speaking truth with great love, all the while being torn apart to see the pain that's caused, is extremely difficult. Especially as it seems that there's simultaneous longing, all the while, of wanting to soothe the obvious offense or pain--wanting to deliver from it, yet while remaining steadfastly devoted to speaking true.
This is an ongoing learning process, as coming to more fully know the Lord, apparently. Truth is true, even as we are all laboring under various and multifaceted delusions which He delivers us from incrementally, over time. We come to know and recognize and be equipped to speak truth more deeply as time passes, just as we come to know God more encompassingly, through our loving pursuit of an increasingly single-minded devotion to and awareness of Him.
Even in this, though--while there's heartache from speaking truth when it's given to say, then there's a solemn peace and quiet resolve secured, for having submitted to God per speaking. This seems never given to justify self, but always striving to justify God and truly help others--that is the desire, that is the pursuit.
And that's a point at which temptation is all the more apt to arise: In speaking any manner of truth, attacks on self, especially on one's own ways and faults, are quite likely to be experienced (whether mental/spiritual assault or through others). Go in, knowing this. Expect it, and surrender from prior to embarking to the total awareness that self has no stake in this, but the Lord's will is that which need be done and maintained. We don't need to and truly can't justify ourselves, is the thing--we have all failed. And we are all in need of ongoing correction.
Jesus is the One who has justified those who are His. And He is the One who preserves us. And the One who will defend us and deliver us from our attackers, too--whether even delivered into glory with Him, at this very moment, then still He is faithful and He will act of behalf of His own. Here or hereafter, whatever is of His will to the good of those who love Him, by either route. There is a day of judgment coming, and He will make all things right then, even if He doesn't now.
Patience on that point can be challenging in the midst of pressing through to seek Him despite impossible circumstances: always testing His leading against His Word--ever only to seek His will, by seeking to do as He said even by testing all spirits. This, just to to ensure leading is of and from Him and not from self, when there comes a point of feeling pressed to speak a difficult truth.
We have no defense, in and of ourselves, is the thing. So, we can't be justified in speaking unless the Lord leads--He's the only One who's ever been sinless. Speaking from a stance which considers self justified to correct another--taking up a crusade based on personal agendas and private understanding of Scripture (i.e., not given by the Holy Spirit)...while the Lord is so gracious and merciful that oft He has and does bless such things, regardless our cold-heartedness and lack of regard for Him...taking such a stance equates to refusing to submit to the Lord.
Because we're all guilty, apart from Christ. And even in Him, the truth of what He's done humbles and doesn't drive one to mock those who haven't come to repentance. Knowledge does increase sorrow--to know Christ means seeing the truth of the state of the world, which is to sorrow over the state of those who don't know Him.
This doesn't lead to mockery, and certainly not to exalting oneself as superior to those who haven't come to recognize the truth of who Christ Jesus is. But it leads to reverence for a burden of truth, recognizing the state we're all in. And coming to know Christ especially inspires grief over sin and grieving what sin has done and is doing and what its end will be for all those who don't come to repentance, who refuse to acknowledge Christ as Lord prior to casting off their mortal coil.
So, to see truth increases desire to share it with those who are laboring under delusion from sin. This, even while remembering and realizing, complete lack of awareness isn't the problem.
Problem is--we all have known the truth, in the very depths of our being, from the outset of life. We all have known that so many things we chose to do were utterly wrong. We all had experienced a shrill cry of terror from somewhere deep within, at some instance in our past--whether prior to present memory's reach, or not. We all erred against what we knew to be true, thus departing from truth.
We all chose to act against what we knew to be right. We all departed from God--turned our backs on Him, thumbed our noses at Him and sneered. We all did. We have all despised Him. And if to varying degrees, then it's only been by grace that He's restrained some more than others. From beginning to end, any who have been saved out of sin and into relationship with God have only come to reconciliation through Christ's work, alone. He has saved, and He will preserve that which He has taken for His own.
Nevertheless, there's a heavy-heartedness in contemplating sin, even being aware of Christ's saving presence--He paid so high a price, ever more deeply cherishing Him means being grieved at having contributed whatsoever to His sufferings. Means despairing, in part, to ever and always recall that He has paid that price and for you, for me, realizing we did contribute only the sin which made our salvation necessary (J. Edwards).
He loved us that much, though. And He loves us no less, now. Despite our abject wickedness and aversion to Him. Still, He loved us that much. And loves us still.
In that awareness, there's a forsaking of self in favor of desiring His will alone. And that self-denial further entails a necessary turning from what seems perhaps easiest in favor of turning toward what He deems right.
His will is to redeem others. He didn't die for us or for them so that we would not experience difficulties, but that we could be saved out of sin which deserves such wrath as He absorbed, for us.
So, as He leads, we have to speak. But that doesn't mean bullhorns for everyone. It doesn't mean pulpits for everyone. It doesn't mean the same thing for any of each of us, and it never has.
That's part of this walking by the Spirit, walking by faith:
We are given and expected to trust Him to guide us to where we ought to be, and trust Him to give us the words we need to speak when we get there. Even if that's just starting by being prompted to tell the cashier God bless you--He is willing to meet us where we are, but doesn't leave us where He found us.
Thing is--regardless whether we're consciously aware of the process or not, if we're in Christ, He is leading us. Regardless. He does that. It's His prerogative, and He's completely able.
God can do what He wants, as it goes.
And He does, ever as in keeping with His nature.
It's not as though we have a "part to play," is the thing--we don't necessarily "contribute," really...but at the same time, His desire for us is that we move nearer to Him, that we seek active fellowship with Him, that we come to know Him on His terms, and that we do His will out of love for Him.
Even knowing, of that lattermost, that His will is to our good: We benefit, by the whole process. Mentally and spiritually, here and now, and in all ways, hereafter.
He's just good, that way and so many...all...other ways.
So, when He directs to speak truths that are difficult...when He directs to take a stand that is difficult...He gives the strength and direction as to do so. Even if He doesn't give such speech as allows for self-justification in the eyes of man, then there's an element of trust in God which is ever implicitly necessary.
And with all things which are given to speak?: Always, always, always testing against Scripture, for consistency. And testing the Spirit, itself--we have been told quite explicitly that the Holy Spirit has love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. And He will not contradict Himself. But there are many spirits and even leaders in various communities and even churches which would lead astray.
The spirits which take such a stance do so knowingly--maliciously, with intent to mock Him by harming us, or even with intent only to harm for the sake of harming. Such liars, they are--attempting all manner of rationalization and attempting even to garner sympathy, when evil is at the very heart of every matter. Some even are so vile as to take on the guise of the young or of dearly departed loved ones, just to injure the guileless or the bereaved by leading them into lies, away from truth. They have no shame, no sympathy, no scruples. And would plead and cajole and even appear to grieve, some of them, just to garner sympathy, so to destroy. While others even use humor, but to the same end. And still others, terror--attempting even to mimic what fear it is to come into the presence of God, Himself, so to attempt to overwhelm and overcome, as to wreak havoc unto destruction. And still, there are so many others. So many, many fronts they attempt. And the only way to discern between them, between one's own thoughts, and between the Holy Spirit of Christ...is know and remain firmly grounded in the truth.
There's only one truth with that power. Only one truth capable of cutting through all those facades. And He's living and active. And willing, as we ask and seek Him:
Jesus Christ is the only means of discerning truth. His is the very Spirit of Truth. He gives discernment, moment to moment, every day. He directs, He leads, He guides into all truth. On a moment-by-moment basis.
His Holy Spirit, the very Spirit of Jesus, Himself...guides and protects all those who are His.
There's no other way to discern truth. There's no means. No method.
So, there's no other way to speak truth, either:
If we cannot know truth, except by His Spirit, then how are we to speak it, apart from Him?
Not as though entering into relationship with Jesus suddenly makes us capable of righteousness and capable of knowing truth, in our own strength, when before being indwelt by His Spirit...we were bereft of these abilities.
Not at all! In fact, the opposite is the case.
In coming into relationship with Jesus, the more deeply we enter into fellowship with Him--being taught by Him, being led into all truth, being instructed in the ways of righteousness, being established on the Holy Way--the more deeply we come to know Him, the more we even automatically begin to deny ourselves, as increasingly the deeds of the flesh are put to death merely per force the increasing depth of communion with His Spirit.
We weren't able to do such things, ourselves, from the outset (not apart from grace); likewise, we weren't able to know or recognize truth from delusion, prior to being instructed by Him. So, how would we know what to say and to whom, in what right moment, apart from His guidance--since He, after all, is the only one who will impress truth upon the heart of the hearer?
We weren't able to free ourselves from the bondage of any sin, prior to Him moving in us, bringing us to life through His Spirit as our old natures increasingly have fallen away in light of the truth of our death with Him, on the cross. He does this. And inspires us to desire it all the more, then just as much so is this the case in terms of speaking truth in love.
As we seek Him for it, which is ever as He leads.
Seek first His kingdom and righteousness, and all else will be added to us.
Meaning we no longer crave the things of this world, which is the implied crux of that statement. As we seek Him, we die to self, and are handed more fully into His keeping. We no longer will crave status, we no longer will crave financial excesses, we no longer will crave increasing comfort, we no longer will latch onto the appearance of earthly security. Not because we've somehow suddenly forgotten these things exist, nor that we've progressively developed some new means of seeing these matters, per a new ideology or a new methodology of life-work-play balance.
No, not at all. Jesus works all these things out--giving us truth instead of delusions, as we seek Him, we come to see how frail and faltering are the things of the world, simultaneous as we come to be increasingly aware of His power and might and will toward us, which is good. As we see Him for who He is--increasingly come to be aware of the truth of how He is...we are transformed. Humbled. Gladdened. Made secure. Into rejoicing even in the midst of absolute uncertainty and horrors, just to know such a God as Him is in control.
He does this, though. We can't "muster up and maintain" the means to do these things and have them be continual and sincere in the midst of even chaos and tragedies. But He can give us that joy and peace which allows us to mourn with others, even while simultaneously prompting us to cry out with utmost hope to the God who hears.
He still raises the dead.
And, the dry bones...
He knows when they will live.
...is one that's being sought, increasingly, now.
You can't make argument that Christians have always taken strong, public stands in terms of denouncing sin, when there exists tradition of code used by our ancient brothers and sisters so to identify themselves to one another without alerting the secular world of their devotion to Christ.
Literally having gone into hiding, Christians obviously weren't engaging in large-scale public proclamation of the horrors of ever having turned from God. Their concern wasn't taking a stance against the world, publicly.
And yet, if they hadn't ever spoken of Christ and of His sacrifice to atone for sin--even speaking, as part of that revelation, of the truth of sins' horrors...
...if they hadn't spoken to some about the treachery and horror of sin, none would have been added to the number of those redeemed by Christ--not through their lives, through their ministry, at least (granted, the Lord does draw many without human intervention, apparently...still, we are all told to make disciples).
Yet, it was surely person by person, then? Divine appointment by divine appointment?
Even as the law given to Israel made it clear they were to correct their neighbor when wrongdoing was noticed--otherwise such a person who refused to confront their neighbor would be counted guilty as well--then still (Leviticus 19:17)...such a thing is not a light or easy matter to consider or approach. And it's not something that apparently applies to all and sundry, everywhere, at all times, now--except that the Lord leads in that particular way (sometimes He definitely does--check out the commissions given the Old Testament prophets, keeping in mind that God doesn't change).
Point being, those of us who know truth have a deep responsibility to share it. With a great deal of discernment and love, in terms of being guided by the Lord, in how and with whom to do so.
Guided by Him rather than being a "bull in a China shop," as the saying goes--rather than awkwardly bludgeoning everyone and wreaking havoc, we are called to speak the truth in love. Love doesn't mean compromise, though.
That's the part that's hard. The flesh would rather do what's easy, what's less painful, what causes less friction--saving face, preserving reputation, not "rocking the boat."
Speaking truth with great love, all the while being torn apart to see the pain that's caused, is extremely difficult. Especially as it seems that there's simultaneous longing, all the while, of wanting to soothe the obvious offense or pain--wanting to deliver from it, yet while remaining steadfastly devoted to speaking true.
This is an ongoing learning process, as coming to more fully know the Lord, apparently. Truth is true, even as we are all laboring under various and multifaceted delusions which He delivers us from incrementally, over time. We come to know and recognize and be equipped to speak truth more deeply as time passes, just as we come to know God more encompassingly, through our loving pursuit of an increasingly single-minded devotion to and awareness of Him.
Even in this, though--while there's heartache from speaking truth when it's given to say, then there's a solemn peace and quiet resolve secured, for having submitted to God per speaking. This seems never given to justify self, but always striving to justify God and truly help others--that is the desire, that is the pursuit.
And that's a point at which temptation is all the more apt to arise: In speaking any manner of truth, attacks on self, especially on one's own ways and faults, are quite likely to be experienced (whether mental/spiritual assault or through others). Go in, knowing this. Expect it, and surrender from prior to embarking to the total awareness that self has no stake in this, but the Lord's will is that which need be done and maintained. We don't need to and truly can't justify ourselves, is the thing--we have all failed. And we are all in need of ongoing correction.
Jesus is the One who has justified those who are His. And He is the One who preserves us. And the One who will defend us and deliver us from our attackers, too--whether even delivered into glory with Him, at this very moment, then still He is faithful and He will act of behalf of His own. Here or hereafter, whatever is of His will to the good of those who love Him, by either route. There is a day of judgment coming, and He will make all things right then, even if He doesn't now.
Patience on that point can be challenging in the midst of pressing through to seek Him despite impossible circumstances: always testing His leading against His Word--ever only to seek His will, by seeking to do as He said even by testing all spirits. This, just to to ensure leading is of and from Him and not from self, when there comes a point of feeling pressed to speak a difficult truth.
We have no defense, in and of ourselves, is the thing. So, we can't be justified in speaking unless the Lord leads--He's the only One who's ever been sinless. Speaking from a stance which considers self justified to correct another--taking up a crusade based on personal agendas and private understanding of Scripture (i.e., not given by the Holy Spirit)...while the Lord is so gracious and merciful that oft He has and does bless such things, regardless our cold-heartedness and lack of regard for Him...taking such a stance equates to refusing to submit to the Lord.
Because we're all guilty, apart from Christ. And even in Him, the truth of what He's done humbles and doesn't drive one to mock those who haven't come to repentance. Knowledge does increase sorrow--to know Christ means seeing the truth of the state of the world, which is to sorrow over the state of those who don't know Him.
This doesn't lead to mockery, and certainly not to exalting oneself as superior to those who haven't come to recognize the truth of who Christ Jesus is. But it leads to reverence for a burden of truth, recognizing the state we're all in. And coming to know Christ especially inspires grief over sin and grieving what sin has done and is doing and what its end will be for all those who don't come to repentance, who refuse to acknowledge Christ as Lord prior to casting off their mortal coil.
So, to see truth increases desire to share it with those who are laboring under delusion from sin. This, even while remembering and realizing, complete lack of awareness isn't the problem.
Problem is--we all have known the truth, in the very depths of our being, from the outset of life. We all have known that so many things we chose to do were utterly wrong. We all had experienced a shrill cry of terror from somewhere deep within, at some instance in our past--whether prior to present memory's reach, or not. We all erred against what we knew to be true, thus departing from truth.
We all chose to act against what we knew to be right. We all departed from God--turned our backs on Him, thumbed our noses at Him and sneered. We all did. We have all despised Him. And if to varying degrees, then it's only been by grace that He's restrained some more than others. From beginning to end, any who have been saved out of sin and into relationship with God have only come to reconciliation through Christ's work, alone. He has saved, and He will preserve that which He has taken for His own.
Nevertheless, there's a heavy-heartedness in contemplating sin, even being aware of Christ's saving presence--He paid so high a price, ever more deeply cherishing Him means being grieved at having contributed whatsoever to His sufferings. Means despairing, in part, to ever and always recall that He has paid that price and for you, for me, realizing we did contribute only the sin which made our salvation necessary (J. Edwards).
He loved us that much, though. And He loves us no less, now. Despite our abject wickedness and aversion to Him. Still, He loved us that much. And loves us still.
In that awareness, there's a forsaking of self in favor of desiring His will alone. And that self-denial further entails a necessary turning from what seems perhaps easiest in favor of turning toward what He deems right.
His will is to redeem others. He didn't die for us or for them so that we would not experience difficulties, but that we could be saved out of sin which deserves such wrath as He absorbed, for us.
So, as He leads, we have to speak. But that doesn't mean bullhorns for everyone. It doesn't mean pulpits for everyone. It doesn't mean the same thing for any of each of us, and it never has.
That's part of this walking by the Spirit, walking by faith:
We are given and expected to trust Him to guide us to where we ought to be, and trust Him to give us the words we need to speak when we get there. Even if that's just starting by being prompted to tell the cashier God bless you--He is willing to meet us where we are, but doesn't leave us where He found us.
Thing is--regardless whether we're consciously aware of the process or not, if we're in Christ, He is leading us. Regardless. He does that. It's His prerogative, and He's completely able.
God can do what He wants, as it goes.
And He does, ever as in keeping with His nature.
It's not as though we have a "part to play," is the thing--we don't necessarily "contribute," really...but at the same time, His desire for us is that we move nearer to Him, that we seek active fellowship with Him, that we come to know Him on His terms, and that we do His will out of love for Him.
Even knowing, of that lattermost, that His will is to our good: We benefit, by the whole process. Mentally and spiritually, here and now, and in all ways, hereafter.
He's just good, that way and so many...all...other ways.
So, when He directs to speak truths that are difficult...when He directs to take a stand that is difficult...He gives the strength and direction as to do so. Even if He doesn't give such speech as allows for self-justification in the eyes of man, then there's an element of trust in God which is ever implicitly necessary.
And with all things which are given to speak?: Always, always, always testing against Scripture, for consistency. And testing the Spirit, itself--we have been told quite explicitly that the Holy Spirit has love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. And He will not contradict Himself. But there are many spirits and even leaders in various communities and even churches which would lead astray.
The spirits which take such a stance do so knowingly--maliciously, with intent to mock Him by harming us, or even with intent only to harm for the sake of harming. Such liars, they are--attempting all manner of rationalization and attempting even to garner sympathy, when evil is at the very heart of every matter. Some even are so vile as to take on the guise of the young or of dearly departed loved ones, just to injure the guileless or the bereaved by leading them into lies, away from truth. They have no shame, no sympathy, no scruples. And would plead and cajole and even appear to grieve, some of them, just to garner sympathy, so to destroy. While others even use humor, but to the same end. And still others, terror--attempting even to mimic what fear it is to come into the presence of God, Himself, so to attempt to overwhelm and overcome, as to wreak havoc unto destruction. And still, there are so many others. So many, many fronts they attempt. And the only way to discern between them, between one's own thoughts, and between the Holy Spirit of Christ...is know and remain firmly grounded in the truth.
There's only one truth with that power. Only one truth capable of cutting through all those facades. And He's living and active. And willing, as we ask and seek Him:
Jesus Christ is the only means of discerning truth. His is the very Spirit of Truth. He gives discernment, moment to moment, every day. He directs, He leads, He guides into all truth. On a moment-by-moment basis.
His Holy Spirit, the very Spirit of Jesus, Himself...guides and protects all those who are His.
There's no other way to discern truth. There's no means. No method.
So, there's no other way to speak truth, either:
If we cannot know truth, except by His Spirit, then how are we to speak it, apart from Him?
Not as though entering into relationship with Jesus suddenly makes us capable of righteousness and capable of knowing truth, in our own strength, when before being indwelt by His Spirit...we were bereft of these abilities.
Not at all! In fact, the opposite is the case.
In coming into relationship with Jesus, the more deeply we enter into fellowship with Him--being taught by Him, being led into all truth, being instructed in the ways of righteousness, being established on the Holy Way--the more deeply we come to know Him, the more we even automatically begin to deny ourselves, as increasingly the deeds of the flesh are put to death merely per force the increasing depth of communion with His Spirit.
We weren't able to do such things, ourselves, from the outset (not apart from grace); likewise, we weren't able to know or recognize truth from delusion, prior to being instructed by Him. So, how would we know what to say and to whom, in what right moment, apart from His guidance--since He, after all, is the only one who will impress truth upon the heart of the hearer?
We weren't able to free ourselves from the bondage of any sin, prior to Him moving in us, bringing us to life through His Spirit as our old natures increasingly have fallen away in light of the truth of our death with Him, on the cross. He does this. And inspires us to desire it all the more, then just as much so is this the case in terms of speaking truth in love.
As we seek Him for it, which is ever as He leads.
Seek first His kingdom and righteousness, and all else will be added to us.
Meaning we no longer crave the things of this world, which is the implied crux of that statement. As we seek Him, we die to self, and are handed more fully into His keeping. We no longer will crave status, we no longer will crave financial excesses, we no longer will crave increasing comfort, we no longer will latch onto the appearance of earthly security. Not because we've somehow suddenly forgotten these things exist, nor that we've progressively developed some new means of seeing these matters, per a new ideology or a new methodology of life-work-play balance.
No, not at all. Jesus works all these things out--giving us truth instead of delusions, as we seek Him, we come to see how frail and faltering are the things of the world, simultaneous as we come to be increasingly aware of His power and might and will toward us, which is good. As we see Him for who He is--increasingly come to be aware of the truth of how He is...we are transformed. Humbled. Gladdened. Made secure. Into rejoicing even in the midst of absolute uncertainty and horrors, just to know such a God as Him is in control.
He does this, though. We can't "muster up and maintain" the means to do these things and have them be continual and sincere in the midst of even chaos and tragedies. But He can give us that joy and peace which allows us to mourn with others, even while simultaneously prompting us to cry out with utmost hope to the God who hears.
He still raises the dead.
And, the dry bones...
He knows when they will live.
Monday, May 2, 2016
Repentance
Two points have come into somewhat sharper focus, very recently.
First, as regards the call to humble ourselves, turn from wickedness, and seek the Lord, so that He'll heal us and our land...in that proclamation, it's His people who are being told to do so. He calls His own people to humble themselves.
Not the pagan nations. Not visitors and aliens.
God calls His own people to humble themselves, turn from wickedness and seek Him.
Secondarily, the repentance described there isn't one that carries a burden for its own sins, alone.
It's one described in Leviticus 26, such as given expression through Nehemiah and Daniel, both.
They saw how grievously they had sinned against God--not only themselves, but as counting themselves in complete accord with the sins of all God's people. They confessed the sins of all the people of God as their own sin--fully embraced it as their own, counting it their own error against God. Confessing it to Him, terribly grieved over how wretchedly they'd acted against Him, then.
Mourning deeply how far they had fallen away from Him. Even as to totally ignore Him, completely turn their backs on Him...in favor of doing always what was right in their own eyes, in favor of a form of godliness without power, in favor of self-indulgence and idolatry of every sort. Esteeming the desires of man above the will of God. Completely erring against Him in all ways possible, or at in as many ways as they had ever conceived as to stray from Him and act against Him.
They were grieved over this, terribly.
And Daniel especially gave example of the full of what the Lord described in Leviticus 26, as he didn't merely cease with grieving while repenting and confessing all those sins as his own...he acknowledged the presence of God's judgment already largely enacted upon His people. And he embraced that judgment as justly due. And submitted to that judgment as right.
And asked for mercy.
Daniel was relentless with this. He humbled himself until he got answer. He grieved until the Lord responded to him, directly, even as through a messenger.
He didn't stop at having only confessed sin, acknowledging judgement, and asking mercy. He continued to grieve. He continued to mourn over the state of his people. He continued to cry out to God over these things. And if the Lord had waited longer than three weeks to respond, then it would have been a longer process on Daniel's part (if cyclic, perhaps).
Not a part he played, but it was a burden upon his heart so that he could do nothing else except cry out to God.
He isn't far off from us, you all. God isn't distant. Merely, we're so entrenched in indulgences and distractions and all manner of ideas and ideologies that we largely just don't even know what it is to seek Him and desire Him with all our heart.
He increases desire for the pursuit, though, as we ask Him to help us even on this front.
He will do the things which He has said He will do. And as we ask Him for help, increasingly growing in sincerity per continual asking (which, itself, is divine intervention as such occurs)...He increasing answers. According to His will, still, ultimately.
There are so many things, though. And we don't even ask.
Largely due to fear. There is something of a spiritual sabotage attempted, with intent to prevent our progress in seeking Christ wholeheartedly, whereby whispers give way to "self-preserving" inclinations, giving way to a false desire for "self-preservation."
The whole deal is a lie. The eternal is our pursuit, as Christians. And this, even as we have many things by which to glorify God daily, so as never to discount to blessing of any given moment of life. But that's still an eternal purpose manifest in time--it's not disconnected from our life in Christ.
Whereas, with what calls itself by "self-preservation," we denounce the value of the eternal by refusing to seek the will of God. Anything which comes by His will is to be unto His glory, so is worthwhile. For those who love Him and desire to please Our Father...then even suffering can be a point of rejoicing, yes...for being entrusted with that such opportunity to openly display faith, as rejoicing per belief in who He is, regardless circumstances, regardless pain.
Paul said we could even look to his life as an example in how we ought to pursue Christ's will and how we ought to glorify God and magnify Him and worship Him in every situation. It was a recommendation, though. Not really. It was direction of how the Lord desires us to live.
So long as we're clinging to the things of the world, though, faith seems nebulous and uncertain. Largely because that sort of double-mindedness really does just have a very low view of God.
To cling tightly to the things of the world is a manifestation of one's own doubts about God's goodness and love and keeping power. It's manifest evidence of an unwillingness to trust.
He's been sorely convicting me on these points, lately. Because it's grievous. It's not what He would have for us. He would have us be free from the bondage of the world. He would have us be free to trust Him, knowing Him that deeply. Walking in fellowship in that way, as to be willing to take every hurt and pain to Him, first, and trust that He will make every necessary accommodation for all our utmost needs. Sometimes miraculously, other times by way or divine ordination of events or divine direction. But ever by His will and guidance.
We have to seek Him for these things, ask Him for them. Continue asking.
I've erred against Him so much on these fronts, the past many months especially. Or maybe it only seems especially these past months, when actually it's only been this recently that He's made such point to convict and draw to repentance, into deliverance.
So many things, though.
Longing to hear His voice, again, to be directed as plainly. Emotion is one thing, of deeper knowings--inclinations per peace, grief, compassion, love, and the like.
What grieves the most, though, is to know He's not the one who turned away. He never does.
First, as regards the call to humble ourselves, turn from wickedness, and seek the Lord, so that He'll heal us and our land...in that proclamation, it's His people who are being told to do so. He calls His own people to humble themselves.
Not the pagan nations. Not visitors and aliens.
God calls His own people to humble themselves, turn from wickedness and seek Him.
Secondarily, the repentance described there isn't one that carries a burden for its own sins, alone.
It's one described in Leviticus 26, such as given expression through Nehemiah and Daniel, both.
They saw how grievously they had sinned against God--not only themselves, but as counting themselves in complete accord with the sins of all God's people. They confessed the sins of all the people of God as their own sin--fully embraced it as their own, counting it their own error against God. Confessing it to Him, terribly grieved over how wretchedly they'd acted against Him, then.
Mourning deeply how far they had fallen away from Him. Even as to totally ignore Him, completely turn their backs on Him...in favor of doing always what was right in their own eyes, in favor of a form of godliness without power, in favor of self-indulgence and idolatry of every sort. Esteeming the desires of man above the will of God. Completely erring against Him in all ways possible, or at in as many ways as they had ever conceived as to stray from Him and act against Him.
They were grieved over this, terribly.
And Daniel especially gave example of the full of what the Lord described in Leviticus 26, as he didn't merely cease with grieving while repenting and confessing all those sins as his own...he acknowledged the presence of God's judgment already largely enacted upon His people. And he embraced that judgment as justly due. And submitted to that judgment as right.
And asked for mercy.
Daniel was relentless with this. He humbled himself until he got answer. He grieved until the Lord responded to him, directly, even as through a messenger.
He didn't stop at having only confessed sin, acknowledging judgement, and asking mercy. He continued to grieve. He continued to mourn over the state of his people. He continued to cry out to God over these things. And if the Lord had waited longer than three weeks to respond, then it would have been a longer process on Daniel's part (if cyclic, perhaps).
Not a part he played, but it was a burden upon his heart so that he could do nothing else except cry out to God.
He isn't far off from us, you all. God isn't distant. Merely, we're so entrenched in indulgences and distractions and all manner of ideas and ideologies that we largely just don't even know what it is to seek Him and desire Him with all our heart.
He increases desire for the pursuit, though, as we ask Him to help us even on this front.
He will do the things which He has said He will do. And as we ask Him for help, increasingly growing in sincerity per continual asking (which, itself, is divine intervention as such occurs)...He increasing answers. According to His will, still, ultimately.
There are so many things, though. And we don't even ask.
Largely due to fear. There is something of a spiritual sabotage attempted, with intent to prevent our progress in seeking Christ wholeheartedly, whereby whispers give way to "self-preserving" inclinations, giving way to a false desire for "self-preservation."
The whole deal is a lie. The eternal is our pursuit, as Christians. And this, even as we have many things by which to glorify God daily, so as never to discount to blessing of any given moment of life. But that's still an eternal purpose manifest in time--it's not disconnected from our life in Christ.
Whereas, with what calls itself by "self-preservation," we denounce the value of the eternal by refusing to seek the will of God. Anything which comes by His will is to be unto His glory, so is worthwhile. For those who love Him and desire to please Our Father...then even suffering can be a point of rejoicing, yes...for being entrusted with that such opportunity to openly display faith, as rejoicing per belief in who He is, regardless circumstances, regardless pain.
Paul said we could even look to his life as an example in how we ought to pursue Christ's will and how we ought to glorify God and magnify Him and worship Him in every situation. It was a recommendation, though. Not really. It was direction of how the Lord desires us to live.
So long as we're clinging to the things of the world, though, faith seems nebulous and uncertain. Largely because that sort of double-mindedness really does just have a very low view of God.
To cling tightly to the things of the world is a manifestation of one's own doubts about God's goodness and love and keeping power. It's manifest evidence of an unwillingness to trust.
He's been sorely convicting me on these points, lately. Because it's grievous. It's not what He would have for us. He would have us be free from the bondage of the world. He would have us be free to trust Him, knowing Him that deeply. Walking in fellowship in that way, as to be willing to take every hurt and pain to Him, first, and trust that He will make every necessary accommodation for all our utmost needs. Sometimes miraculously, other times by way or divine ordination of events or divine direction. But ever by His will and guidance.
We have to seek Him for these things, ask Him for them. Continue asking.
I've erred against Him so much on these fronts, the past many months especially. Or maybe it only seems especially these past months, when actually it's only been this recently that He's made such point to convict and draw to repentance, into deliverance.
So many things, though.
Longing to hear His voice, again, to be directed as plainly. Emotion is one thing, of deeper knowings--inclinations per peace, grief, compassion, love, and the like.
What grieves the most, though, is to know He's not the one who turned away. He never does.
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