Trusting God to save and deliver from sin, to sanctify and cleanse...seems a very humbling process. Especially as there's inherently required an increasing awareness of quite how deep and wretched is the expanse of sin once committed and some even yet continued, unawares.
Didn't David ask that the Lord would search his heart, try his thoughts, to find any sin in him? To reveal it to him. Cleanse him.
Maybe it's always been so, that sin has run deep and wide throughout the entirety of all the human world. Maybe it's always been so, that in choosing sin over righteousness, we've continually been utterly blinded to the goodness of God, and comprehensively deluded to the depths of that blindness.
But it's been utterly confounding to be confronted, again and again, with incrementally revelatory awareness of yet further, then further, and then further still depths of my own sin. Once heard these matters compared to the peeling of an onion. Each layer removed reveals another layer yet in need of removal. And on, and on.
Something of the flesh still wants to revolt in horror against being confronted with the prospect of limitless depths of sin, in self. Something of the flesh still wants to reject the notion of unending revelation of increasing, endless depths in need of the Lord's cleansing, restorative blood, unto deliverance.
Something of the flesh still wants to be capable of finding some point of perceived descent into awareness of sinfulness which would be sufficient to end the descent in humility before the Lord and all of humanity. This, so that something of flesh could then find a foothold upon which to again gain ground in exerting a sense of self-justification.
But Paul said, which is to say, the Lord wanted it be known...we are to put to death the deeds of the flesh. Which fully includes that tendency toward self-justification.
And even tonight, I floundered on that front. Failing entirely, except that the Lord allowed me to speak in a way which neither directly countered accusation nor overtly justified conditions, but only ultimately gave notice of intent to cast all concerns upon the Lord, pleading mercy.
Yet, still, to speak at all wasn't necessarily right. He let me, but it may not have been the best course as it did initially spring from a desire to defend myself and justify my actions, in terms of a course set by the Lord.
So, the flesh...the flesh still needs to be put to death. As crucified with Christ, buried with Him. And resurrected unto a new life, only--but not one which is self-indulgent or self-glorifying or self-justifying or self-esteeming. But given only to God.
Surrendered to Him.
And the flesh itself wants immediacy. Carnal nature wants an immediate and complete transformation, that there would be no more toil and struggle against temptation, against sin.
But so much of what's recorded in the New Testament makes it clear that although that death to the flesh is a fait accompli for those who are in Christ and indwelt by His Spirit...then, still, the deeds of that dead flesh still have to be continually put to death, continually rejected, continually turned from.
Except that the Lord would give strength, this would be impossible. Except that He does give strength, it will be impossible. But He's given strength before, and transformed desires so completely, and He promises to continue to do so for those who seek Him, those who delight in Him. For to seek Him, in spirit and truth, is to find Him. And to find Him is to be brought to repentance. And to repent is an humbling, having become truly grieved over guiltiness and broken over sin. And He is near to those who are broken hearted and saves those who are broken in spirit.
And, then, to be reconciled with Him, to be saved...is to love Him. And to love Him is to desire to know Him and do His will. And it's His will that we would know Him, seek Him, obey Him, and love Him. And to love Him is to rejoice in Him, to be delighted in Him. And for those who delight in Him, He gives them the desires of their hearts. For those who delight in Him, longing to be obedient to Him, to please Him, to obey Him, He increasing gives us the desire and ability to do His will.
Even as from every greater revelation, realization of Christ's glory, we're further transformed just as to have seen Him in greater part for who He truly is...then to long to know Him is to be drawn into His presence.
Hanging on His every word. Sixty-six books' worth of words, and every ounce which pours from His Spirit to our own. Always knowing He does speak, yet remembering He never contradicts Himself. What's recorded is foremost.
What's recorded in Scripture takes all precedence. Even prayerfully, just to begun to be understood, in any meaningful capacity, spiritually. But always, always, always with an eye to seeing the Savior. With an ear to hearing the voice of the Beloved.
Yearning to hear the beckoning call of the Good Shepherd, as He leads in paths of righteousness for His own name's sake.
