Still confounded by theology.

Hm. There's a partial inclination toward sleep at this juncture, but no real impetus. Too much yet to do, considering the many hours spent elsewhere, today.

Learning about so many things, right now, and I have no idea why. Something will entirely randomly come to mind or catch my eye, and five hours later, there's been a perusal of three or four different topics to varying degrees of depth and intensity. He takes me to sites, and something will catch at my attention to the extent that there's no inclination to do else but read. ...considering, lately, that reading has been historical in nature? Yeah--not something which has ever been of interest, except now there's developed in me a fascination with the development of the church...of the Church.

No idea why.

Same as with theological considerations. They seem largely pointless, in terms of actually, legitimately fellowshipping with the Lord. Just...oh, what was it?...some 19th century book preliminarily perused earlier, regarding certain theological constraints of Methodism.. ..and it all makes sense, but it's ultimately just logical pursuit of an adequate expression for the infinitely  ineffable being and ways of God. Which, really--okay, there's absolutely and completely nothing wrong with that. Personally, there's a great deal of enjoyment wrought from spending time contemplating the Lord, as to find more vastly expressive and gloriously revelatory means of considering His majesty, to the umpteenth variety of degrees in means of approach.

It's a wondrously fulfilling past-time--contemplating the Lord. Meditating upon His precepts. Delighting in Him, even as to hope to somehow share that joy unto another beloved soul so as to revel in fellowship unto His glory!

But, increasingly, the more familiar He becomes to me (thus, ultimately, the more overwhelmingly awe-inspiring and fearsome and wonderful and beloved)...the less concern there is about adhering to distinctions which serve as points of disagreement, or even potential points of disagreement.

Just...the more clear and in-focus He becomes, the less sense it makes to adhere to perceptions of superiority or exclusion, according to my own expressed accounts of interpretation/appreciation of His majesty and His miraculous works. ...this, increasingly for realizing that even coming to know Him more nearly and dearly entails a broadening in scope and interpretation which refuses to be completely mired upon single points, in favor of seeking a greater degree of His Truth.

So, then, even knowing my own perspective is limited, moment-to-moment, by the yet-restricted breadths of my comprehension of His infinitude...howbeit one could then truly disdain someone else's interpretations or stances in regard to Him, truly? Rather, any points for potential concern serve moreover as a reminder of my own persistent foibles and need for prayer unto further deliverance into clarity of revelation. So, then, just to pray for them and for myself.

For the Lord is good, and mighty to save. He will deliver.

Lot of things being considered, in the above. Some gentle rebukes the Spirit has yet again, recently, given me. And meditation upon them, even as concerns the ideas considered last writing.

Because, yeah--I crave with all my heart to be whatsoever the Lord wills. And having read that He desired His people to be holy, as He is holy...then I yearn for that. Yet, even realizing the course is to remain in Him, spiritually, always...still, I need the grace as to do so. Which He will provide, per His will. Just...according to His will, as to time and development.

So many things going on. And there's nothing to be concerned about, because Jesus is sovereign. Just, my patience is yet being tried and tested--praise the Lord for His mercies! One step at a time, waiting on Him.

So, so many things.

God bless you all.

...

Addendum*

Okay, so after reading the Scriptures given for this, a moment's more to write.

Not sure at what juncture or if any discussion of various circumstances regarding demonic oppression have been covered, these past many months...aside of mentioning the hearing and such of certain things...

...but, research this evening yielded way to a blog by someone who, by all accounts, legitimately has insight. To what end, I don't know. But...well, when I'd sought counsel in regard to the oppression/possession of a family member from a pastor, back in August/September, I was told I had the authority to handle it, myself. And...well, yeah.

Any of us who are believers do, and if this sort of stuff is going to continue manifesting (with discernment of the state of things given by the Holy Spirit), then perhaps the course is set to learn. Just, same as likely anyone, there's been a yearning to have someone with whom direct verbal exchange can be made, as regards these matters. I'm...not sure...about the eventual permissibility of discussing these things with the spiritual leaders at the church I've been attending, recently. I keep asking about it, after the fact, and getting a resounding "No." Without any indication of why or whether it's a time-sensitive disclosure, yet awaiting the proper passage of time. ...so as not to be yielded to the great inquisition, in regard to discussing such matters, for one.

One of these days, that's likely going to happen. No point inciting it, pre-emptively.

...

Just to say...because, retrospectively, it still is somewhat humbling, in an amusing sort of way.

The looks people give, when they ask for justification or rationalization or explanation for some action, course of action, or perspective which doesn't whatsoever make sense by any apparent rationale... ...and the only response they receive, on any count, is a completely chipper, very assured, "Oh, I prayed about it!" followed by a modest smile and curt nod, without any further comment...

...those looks never get through in the moment they're received. But, in retrospect, the speechless perplexity evoked, seeming universally...?

Very strange, considering.

I mean, seriously. If you're going to pray about something--a decision or action of any sort, especially--then aren't you either going to wait on a response or just not act, if you're resolved to do whatsoever is the will of the Lord?

Granted, it means exercising patience. And remaining in prayer. And trusting in the Lord. And waiting upon Him in all things, ultimately.

But what's all that, compared to knowing that through faith can we please the Lord, and that obedience is better than sacrifice, to Him? Seriously.

Not that it's a particular forte, no, but...it's just been beat into my head, over the course of having been lavished with mercy...that my plans come to naught but destruction (largely self-destruction, always). And, given that Jesus Christ is my Lord...and that He is wonderful, and faithful, and loving, and all works to the good of those who love Him...it just kind of follows that His plans for me are far preferable to any bit of nonsense I might contrive, apart from Him.

Which, again, entails a lot of exercise of patience, so to do. Like now.
But...there's such joy to be found in waiting on the Lord, as a time to seek Him ardently, too.

So, really--total win-win. Even given that one particular circumstance as currently on hold, pending His revealed direction, is one which wholly tends (pretty universally) toward a great deal of anxiety. But, no. I refuse. It's an opportunity to trust Him, and He has never failed me.

He is faithful. Always. And He's faithful in this, too.
Merely, I'm just periodically giving into bits of impatience.
Terrible.

No more of that. He'll provide, as He always has--by whatsoever means He wills.
Hallelujah, for His goodness!

Considering Sanctification

From Mike Bickle's book, Growing in the Prophetic, (1996):

The Lord simply said, “I will change the understanding and expression of
Christianity in the earth in one generation.” It was a simple, straightforward
statement, but I felt God’s power with each word as I received the
Spirit’s interpretation. God Himself will make drastic changes in Christianity
across the whole world. This reformation revival will be by His
sovereign initiative.

So, yeah. There's that.

And something which needed to be addressed, although I have no idea at present what it was, which means all the rest goes first.

We all have common faults, common temptations, common sins--some to varying degrees more seemingly offensive than other, yet the core of all is a rebellion against the nature of God, which is wholly good and charitable. There's some aspect of wanton self-indulgence in any sin which is what most fosters idolatry, as indulgence tends toward affording greater degrees of worth unto the object of indulgence (i.e., worship).

The whole of all is that it comes per course of not being in accord with the Lord, as it is a discordance against the Lord.

Further meditating on Finney's assessment, so far as how it was in err for a man to attempt to logically backtrack along the course of a seemingly progressive sinfulness as to route the root...
...the root is routed through deliverance by Christ, as he observed. Anything else really just equates to a patch-job, per inability to eradicate the root--it's an attempt to mitigate a spiritual problem utilizing physical means (mental/"natural"/emotional/logical/reasonable, etc.), which just isn't possible.

Like trying to perform heart surgery on someone inside a sealed airplane...from the outside of the plane. ...any way you propose to do it, the prognosis remains suspended because you--personally--would be incapable of such a feat (according to all standard, present-day methods of surgical operation).

Trying to resolve spiritual matters using physical means is akin to that. Do what you will, you'll only ever be able to alter the external features and traits and processes--never coming near to touching the spirit. The soul is a slightly different matter, but not presently necessary for discussion beyond acknowledgment (eventually, given further revelation).

The difference, though...between spiritual approach and physical/mental approach? One requires faith.

One requires an acknowledgment of personal ineptitude, as reliance upon the spiritual Progenitor.

While the other permits for continuation of perceptions of self-worth, independent of God.
Which is wherein lies the problem.

Sanctification is something, as is salvation...regeneration...that just isn't within our power to achieve. Anything which equates to perception of an individual's ability to self-sanctify unto God equates to delusion. Consider Romans 7--even Paul acknowledged himself incapable of sanctification, lamenting that, except for the blood and glory of Jesus Christ, he would be incapable of doing what he knows he ought and would continue in always doing what he knew he ought not.

It's the same for all of us, ultimately. Some may present an exterior facade of morality, even, per the force of their own self-disciplined efforts unto variations upon ascetism...but, internally? Whited sepulchres, Christ called them...us...all of us who try to achieve sanctification by our own means, according to our own perceptions of what it entails.

Sin's inception, the core of which has ever since utterly perverted mankind's race, is that we strive to be self-reliant, self-sufficient, self-justified--we afford ourselves an inordinate amount of worth per our perceived capabilities. Meaning, ultimately, that we strive to be gods, in our own right...we worship our own abilities--equating to an act of hostile defiance, per implicit, wholly inherent disregard to the incomprehensibly superior majesty and sovereignty embodied within THE God of our creation.

His charity, His faithfulness, His goodness, and all which there is about Him...so far exceeds our utterly limited comprehension of even merely the concepts, let alone their actual expression IN Him--we can't begin to conceive of how utterly, infinitely, wholly transcendently glorious He is, how infinitely superior to us He is..

Yet to add to the travesty inherent of "worshipping self"--self-idolatry, despite total inferiority and incapacity evidenced per the most precursory consideration of God's glory... ...further hostility against His complete holiness is constituted by our refusal to acknowledge the complete insanity inherent of perpetuating such willfully myopic, futile attempts at what equates to treason.

Completely absurd, in all ways. And it constitutes a flagrant offense, just for standing even remotely opposed to One who is so infinitely good and faithful and loving and sovereign--in all ways, completely superior and set apart from us...so holy as is God.  Any such act of offense constitutes total rebellion, even in seemingly minor ways as an errant thought. Which, even so seemingly small a thing then actually equates to the most horrendous act of violent hostility, as to the degree of offense--per the sheer force of being in opposition to One who is infinitely holy.

Because He is infinitely good, beyond comprehension, and infinitely powerful, beyond comparison...because He is loving and just and holy, to an infinite degree...then anything which is in opposition to Him...to any degree, whatsoever...stands as infinitely horrendous, beyond the pale of our most grievous conception of hostility, merely per contrast to His goodness.

That degree of offense is constituted by even just an errant thought unto self-sufficiency, as apart from God. So, to go so much further as to indulge in all manner of depravity unto even willful, knowing blasphemy? Yeah...

Just makes the miracle of Jesus's sacrifice for our salvation that much more incomprehensible and precious...

...but, yeah...in contemplating sanctification...

...my tendency has been still along the lines of discerning sinfulness--indulgence in one thing or another to the extent that it detracts from my worship of God, or even begins to become uncharitable to others or harmful to self in some capacity, or begins to esteem something other than God...

...discerning sinfulness, then seeking to plan for ways to oust it. Because...if I got myself into something, I should be able to get myself out--makes sense, right? Only, apparently not...except as by the grace of God. Otherwise, works-based salvation would also be a "thing"...and it's definitely not.

He allows various of us to operate under varying degrees of conscious reliance upon Him, though. It's not presently given to understand all that, but the whole is entirely operative of His designs for each individual, regardless. Same as ever for why each of us has a different walk with Him.

Just...even as Paul said that all should pray to prophesy...then so shouldn't we each seek to know Him as our closest friend and confidant?...our nearest and dearest counselor and advisor?...our most trusted source of necessary rebuke and correction?...our greatest comfort and most strident supporter?

Such as the course of sanctification.

Even as salvation.

As is not of us.

It's HIM.
Jesus Christ, Lord Almighty--Savior and King.

It's all, always Jesus. Always has been, always will be--regardless of whether any one of us is conscious of that fact, still He remains the end all, be all, in all.

So, I can sit and make plans for how to stop sinning and stop doing this, that, and the other, all day. And, sure, perhaps there'll be varying degrees of success in maintaining discipline. But outside of  faith, all things are sin. So, if I'm doing it in my own effort, on my own justification, and per my own discretion...? ...even if I'm maintaining the "law," I'd still be sinning. Because I'd be doing it without consideration for God's glory...I'd be doing it as a means of glorying in self, as a means of being able to achieve satisfaction in "acquiring" a greater projection of holiness.

The distinction, as it's actually experienced, is very, very subtle. The difference between praising the Lord and being self-satisfied in the act of praising Him. The distinction is undiscernable, except by the grace of God, so there's a lot of prayer necessary for those who are on each side of that line.

My plans amount to nothing, is all, except that I rest in the Lord as the one to inspire them. And, even then, ofttimes those plans are only given moment-to-moment. With plans which are more far-reaching across time oft "forming" along the way.

Just--it's all the same, whether in regard to a "10-year plan," grocery shopping, attending church, compiling research materials, listening to music, praying, fasting, or whatsoever else...there's the need for Him in whom all consists, otherwise nothing would exist so to be planned or partaken. Thus, He is to be glorified and acknowledged in all, and even as by grace so to do.

Read Brother Lawrence's letter, compiled. He talks about the same thing, only from another perspective slightly.

We must rest in the Lord, as to venture this walk in Christianity. There is no other way. All other ways lead to destruction. Jesus is the ONLY way. A narrow gate, a narrow path.

Him.

Resting in Him, evermore, increasingly.

That is the way of sanctification.

For, any time I see myself beginning to take on sinfulness again, rather than looking to the external details as to which is what and how each led to the next... ...as they do... ...one temptation yielded to equates to a momentary departure from complete reliance upon the Lord, unto a self-reliance which denies Him... ...and as one step away from Him yields to a further degree of self-reliance, then further temptation may yield to a further departure from rest in the Lord.

Someday, I hope to describe that in terms which will be adequate. It's not up to me, though.

Just...I'm tired of hearing preachers justify sin. I'm sick of it, really. It's disgusting to hear.

Yes--we are all sinful beings. Yes, we are full of sin. We do "drink it like water," most oft. But if we rest in the Lord, abiding always in Christ...? Therein, there's the knowing that sin resides in the flesh, but that we are victorious over it...that we need not continue in sin...that we need not always succumb, when there is the exceedingly superior option of remaining in Christ's love which constrains us from capitulation...wherein even all thoughts are brought into subjection to the Lord.

Not that we might never sin again, but that we won't freely give way to it, ever. The Lord will keep us, and He will teach us, and He will guide us as we need be given. For, even as those who say they have no sin are not of God, then so are those which habitually sin. The balance is in Christ, always.

There will come deliverance.
Through much prayer and fasting, by whatsoever means as the Lord directs.

Above all, just to love.

Still learning, of course, but one major theme of pursuit has been regarding the various gifts of the Spirit.

New light, this past week, in regard to a couple of things. Fairly perpetual, really, as pertains especially to prophecy.

There's a vast amount of interest, presently, in regard to what basically equates to "prophecy on demand" in the church. Entirely disheartening, as the mentality implied by such a trend indicates certain varying extents of willful, self-indulgence...and no small amount of desperation. The latter of all is actually a good thing. Desperation for the Lord yields so much, it's become a prayer for unending continuance.

Yes, though--apparently, the trend toward prophecy has come and gone, over course of time. This past century, though...now, to the point where it's sought as a sort of means of divination. Which--the temptation is one which has been experienced, and it's strong as to be fearfully distanced.

Much prayer, is all. Much, much prayer. We need to help one another, on this account, and apparently one means of doing so is to prayerfully inform one another of ways unto Christ, in regard to this all.

Not self-seeking, in other words. It has to be about the Lord. Period.

If it's not, then it's ungodly.

Period.

The Holy Spirit always directs to Christ. Not to God, even--to Jesus. He said so, so it is.
And, if for some reason, whatsoever spirit isn't directing to Christ...?

Be very wary. We have to be, in all things, really. Just...it's not a matter of being anxious. It's not a matter of being scared. It's not a matter of being on pins and needles, always. It's not a matter of continually fretting over what to do or where to look or how to tell.

It's a matter of prayer and trusting the Lord to guide. He does and He will. He will show the references. The Holy Spirit will always direct to Christ Jesus, and will always agree with Scripture. Scripture always refers to Christ, ultimately...so it goes.

If, for some reason, something doesn't quite jive. Do, please, keep in mind that in the mouths of two or three witnesses truth can be established. But...again...still has to be prayerfully approached.

And, honestly, there are some things wherein that's taken months. Because it has seemed better to wait on the Lord than to jump to conclusions. Seriously--He's infinite, He's omniscient, He's extratemporal...if He has refrained from providing revelation on a particular point, then there's reason. And He's faithful to answer all things, in due time and due course.

Like, for instance, one thing which has been asserted and reasserted over the course of this past month and some is that the gifts are all well and good, but love is what makes the difference.

Today, that reassertion came by way of teaching (Piper--Desiring God Ministries) which reinforced the notion that, not only is love the most important of all which comes by the Spirit, but to possess gifts without love is to be in very dangerous--likely damning--territory.

Which...yeah. Because if those gifts are received and utilized outside the constraining influence of love? ...then tend toward self-idolatry, outright.

Oh, pride. I'm seriously praying for greater revelation, thus deliverance, on that count.

Paul talked about how it consumed some folks, outright. ...and it does. Give it one moment's worth of indulgence, and there comes a taste for pride...self-indulgence in self-glorification, ultimately...seeking worship, even if that worship only comes by way of self-idolatry. The whole "patting on the back" of self, even unto seeking similar appropriations as collaboration from others.

The fellow who made the Holy Ghost movie talked about it fairly well at the movie premier, saying it was very, very tempting to want to revel in even just a teensy bit of the glory...but that's not right, because God deserves all the glory (always).

Which...makes it really difficult to clap after "performances" at various churches...

...same dude, though, put things in such a way--invited people to "bless them," by clapping.

That's been something big on my mind, lately--what to do when people expect thanksgiving unto a worshipful response to a self-defined "good deed." You can tell. Seriously. Maybe you've never thought about it, but it's a common thing we've all done at some point (most likely--at least, I've been guilty)... ...doing something nice for someone, going out of one's own way for someone, feeling very self-congratulatory about doing such a good, nice thing, and expecting to be adequately appreciated and to receive gushing gratitude for so doing and being? Yeah, that's a desire for worship, and it's self-idolatry.

it's prideful

...and, it's in opposition to God, as all of the sort.

So, what to do? Because there's an admonition not to knowingly bring offense. And folks who are of that mindset are definitely offended when "adequate" recognition isn't proffered (again--previously guilty...praise the Lord for sanctification!).. ..so..

...what to do?

After...however many months of praying, there've been a couple of developments. The all of which do come back to as that fellow said--bless them, instead of thanking them.

There will still be folks who won't particularly respond well to that, most likely, but in all honestly--think about it...

...okay, so secular folks won't necessarily even want to consider the magnitude of what it means to be blessed of God...

...but, still, even then...

...to be blessed of God is of utmost desirability. Same as knowing folks are praying for a person's good--seriously, good stuff.

As opposed to indulging them in a momentary glorification which equates to abomination before the Lord? Yeah. Much preferable. Even as it's going to take grace and what equates to a miracle to get to the point where it's a reality.

The trend toward desiring prophecy "on-demand" is along that line, though--very self-congratulatory. My exposure to certain of what's going on, nationally (internationally?...maybe--not going to research credentials), has been first-hand...and the observable decline unto derisiveness was fairly quick and thorough. Lamentable, entirely. Still prayerfully recalled.

Folks don't quite comprehend some of Paul's instructions in regard to "order" in the church, pertaining to the operation of gifts. Largely because they haven't experienced it, or even...moreover, that they've not been aware of what they've been experiencing when they have experienced precisely what Paul was talking about.

And, just to note--I know I'm not the first one to realize this, it's just been a weird sort of side-road lately wherein it seems that most folks are really rather confused about this, and given direct experience with it...there's feeling of obligation placed unto sharing insight (what's given in the dark/privately then to be shared in the light/publicly--yet, prayerfully).

Public exercises in being so led by the Holy Spirit, as the Church, can include...
...prayer meetings, wherein the group discusses afore what needs be (without becoming a gossip session, dear Lord forbid!)...then, all agree to begin praying as one begins, all praying solemnly in accordance with whatsoever the leader intercedes...silent accord...then, as they're led to conclude their thanksgiving, prayer, and supplication...the next led by the Spirit to begin interceding does pray aloud...and, when all are praying in earnest, the Spirit does keep all in accord. Period. One after another. No interruption. Many necessary things prayed.

Spirit-led, organized, directed, and concluded.

Same, with prophecy. One person who has received revelation from the Spirit speaks, then someone else who's received revelation... and.. experience has been that the Spirit will often provide further revelation to another in the group, in accord with revelation shared by one of the others--building upon, to a deeper level... ...and then, that person will also listen. And anyone else who also prophesies who receives revelation that anything said was not entirely in accord with the Spirit (sometimes, folks do get off on a tangent into "natural" musings)... ...then, that person who prophesies can speak to redirect toward the Spirit, unto the Lord.

The same goes, with tongues. Which, honestly--at this point, there's only been one experience of the Scriptural process. It was the most powerful service... ...but, even moreso perhaps for quite what was spoken, even beyond the manner of proceedings.

But it proceeded the exact same was as those others. I mean, seriously--and it had never quite occurred to me, in thought as such, but heard it said not long back (don't remember by whom)--the Holy Spirit is not going to interrupt Himself. Period. He just doesn't. So, when those in the congregation are truly expressing, in all love, the gifts of the Spirit? ...it's VERY orderly. And very solemn. And very, mind-numbingly (literally) edifying.

With the service which included the Spirit operating through the range of the gift of tongues, though? The first to begin speaking in tongues was the pastor. He was caught up in beginning to describe the process of Christ's sacrifice. Then, completely gave way to the power of the Spirit, began speaking in Hebrew. For a good few minutes.

Jaw-dropping. Electrifying.

And he actually ended up translating. The entire portion of his part of the dialogue. For it was a dialogue, as it went.

I just...I'd been wondering, at that point for a few months...what the "weeping and gnashing of teeth" was about. What it meant, why it was so perceivedly horrid to consider.

When the portion of his dialogue came to completion... ...the entire congregation responded.
It was as if the air had been sucked out of the room, as though darkness so deep it was unfathomable and limitless had descended, and such a heart-wrenching, gut-wrenching, mind-altering, soul-destroying grief as exceeded absolutely anything I had ever experienced before (even so far beyond the loss of my mother to suicide that there really is no compare, except that my mind periodically has been utterly stalled in reflecting that there could be such a vastness in increase of grief beyond her loss)... ...I don't know what everyone was doing--I collapsed in grief, and only recall the fathomless depths of it, and how unsearchable they were and how unreachable He seemed...so far gone from us, so far gone...and to begin to hear, in the darkness all the sounds of shrieking and groaning...and gnashing of teeth, even as there were those other than myself who were also weeping inconsolably...it was beyond surreal..

...and, then, just as all was absolutely void...someone stood, a woman began speaking, telling a tale of likewise grief and of the lamentable necessity for the course, that it had been as was required as was necessary and that there was no love less for having so done... ...and the things she spoke, there was just such a force... ...reconciliation.

And even the moment she ceased, the pastor began again, acknowledging all that had been spoken.

And there was a moment, then, when even his voice changed and his manner. And there was such peace.

The moment the woman had begun there was peace, even, of a sort. Solemnity, in recognition and acknowledgment.

But when the pastor spoke again...just...hope sprang to life again, in such a way as makes no literal sense. It wasn't him, the fellow speaking. Just...the things spoken, the tone of it. That voice.
Not the pastor's, but the one behind it.

Such love. Such resolution. Even as before, the first time he'd begun...with the Hebrew--the grief, the resignation, the love, the sorrow...just overwhelming.

Then, so was the love and power evident, over the second course of speech.

The second portion of his second portion of dialogue was the most compelling of all--it included directive, provision, and covenant. Certainty and love. Faithfulness and reassurance. Beyond all measure.

He will go before us and make the ways straight. Every road. Every time.
We are His. He will never leave us, never forsake us. Ever.
...

Needless to say, driving the three hours to Roanoke along the dark road, "alone," that particular night...was yet a very moving experience.

...

Point being...when the Holy Spirit moves, there IS order. It all refers to Christ, to who we are in Him, to how best to be sanctified and to serve Him...and it will agree with Scripture.

Period.

Which is why, hearing one pastor today talk about how...prophecy now is different from so-called "Old Testament" prophecy...?

...makes me wonder in what capacity he believes God has changed.

He does NEW things, but He doesn't change. Which is wherein there seems to be a lot of confusion regarding the gifts of the Spirit, apparently.

Because, as that same pastor pointed out in regard to himself--he had never had any means of classifying a gift of prophecy.

Which...yeah. At what point do we really begin to classify God?
...it would also do well to note that, regardless of what some may think--it is possible to receive salvation without being an adherent to Calvinism. Or Arminianism, for that matter.

Which I thank the Lord for, so much! If salvation were dependent upon doctrine, who would be saved? It's such a glory and wonder that salvation, instead, rests upon the gospel of Jesus Christ by the grace of the work of the Holy Spirit, through faith! Not through the tenets of man, blessedly!

If we had to depend upon man for salvation, we'd all be right where we started...and the worse for the wear. Chaos unto chaos. Rather than the glory of God--which is much preferable to all things.

So, yeah, when folks start talking about means of classifying the gifts, according to points of observation and according to doctrinal ideologies...rather than according to revelation by the Holy Spirit and according to Scriptural accordance? I'm out. By the grace of God, though--otherwise, there'd be absolutely no discernment between the all.

That's the thing--there's continual need to discern, and it's given by the Spirit, alone.

So, yeah.

As to everyone wanting to classify and break down means of distinguishing...

...the thing is...how are you supposed to distinguish between things which have to be discerned?

...wherein "distinguishing" entails natural orders of mental determinations....as opposed to "discernment" which is entirely a course of perception yielded on the spiritual level?

Don't get me wrong--you can describe spiritual things all day, as regard how they seem to operate, how they appear to be, and of the evidences and describing experience of them... ...but can you experience mentally what occurs solely on the spiritual level of existence?

No.

One can be affected by the other, and vice versa...but you can't trade them out, one for the other.

And especially can you not really describe the working of God. Which, for a converted spirit...means that we're in Christ, spiritually, so how are we to restrict that into word?

There are only bits and pieces, ever evidenced as momentary glimpses--that's all. You just simply can't restrict the infinite into a momentary conception. So, nor can we really, fully and wholly explicitly restrict the work of the Holy Spirit into a set of tenets.

Despite that folks want to.

Again--we all are utterly tempted to be able to somehow bring Him down to our level, as to be able to understand Him on our terms...which, perhaps it was Carter Conlon...someone once pointed out was the core desire behind what drove the Israelites to seek that Aaron build them a god while Moses was 40 days on Mount Horeb with the Lord... ...they wanted a tangible god--one they could see, and touch, and feel, and understand, on their own level.

They wanted something they could wrap their minds around. Something on their own level.
They wanted something made in their own image, to worship.

Because there's a vast amount of vulnerability entailed in worshipping a God which exceeds comprehension. And that vulnerability is utterly humiliating, as brought to fore merely by course of ever being forced to acknowledged one's own ineptitude and incapacity and sheer insufficiency in the face of a God which is sovereign, omnipotent, omniscient, and holy.

Which, really, is what becomes so irksome about theology and doctrine. As a means to further one's appreciation and love and reverence unto God...then, yes--by all means! Just...there seems to be such a tendency toward learning for learning's sake.

Knowledge, for the sake of knowing, rather than for edification unto the Lord...and the pride which oft comes by way of those courses (again--have been guilty of this all, in various matters of pursuit)...again, ends up in a line of self-idolatry which becomes unloving as judgmental of others.

Know things, but know them for the glorification of God! Know them as to edify ourselves and one another, in Christ! Please!

Just...hearing someone talk about classifying the work of the Holy Spirit, according to observable traits which seem consistent according to reason...? ...seek God, using the scientific method?

Contradiction, thereabouts.

We're all just so confused, but the thing is...there's rest in Christ. there's certainty IN CHRIST

But, in Him, ONLY.

Seeking details, ultimately tends toward deviation from focus upon the Lord. Seeking to understand His ways is... ...yeah. Have fun with that. Seriously. He'll catch you, when you fall. He caught me, after all.

It's all just glimpses, y'all. Seeing now through a glass darkly, much? Now we see in part, for real, because that's ALL WE'RE CAPABLE OF. We are yet temporal beings contemplating and extratemporal Creator--that, alone, sums up the sheer impossibility of accomplishing full revelation.

Which...is where...faith comes in.

Do you trust Him? You can. Period. He CAN be trusted.
He IS faithful.

So.

Do you trust Him?

...do you trust Him enough to not feel as though you must understand absolutely everything about Him, as to be able to seek Him first in all things?

...do you trust Him enough to put your life in His hands and do whatever He leads?
No matter what that happens to be, or where it takes you...from one state to another, to the next, and thrice back again?

Do YOU trust Him?

Do.

Trusting means letting some things just be. Comprehending the work of the Holy Spirit is one of those sort, for many...

Although He will give revelation to some, it might not be to you. There are certain things He hasn't, and may not ever, reveal to me...yet which He's revealed to others. But those points are some which I need to simply trust Him in, rather than seeking to fulfill an errant desire for self-justification through their revelation...

I trust Him to keep me in His ways--it's utterly beyond me to be able to walk in them, on my own accord and by my own will, as it were...but, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. As can you.

Just...we all have a tendency to go to extremes, in regard to interpretation. Either knowing everything or absolutely nothing, rather than seeking the Lord to guide in what's necessary...

...such as the debate over whether He still gives apostles.

I mean--does it matter, really? If He does, it's His business, and they'll do as they're given, regardless of what anybody thinks on any account, one way or the other. And, as with Paul and the initial apostles...they'll likely be the most persecuted, most despised, most unintentionally controversial folks even amongst the church...even as they walk in abject humility and seek only the good of those around them. Or, perhaps I've read things wrong? But...it sounds to me as though Paul was talked unfavorably of by those in some of the churches, to the extent that some folks attempted to usurp his position...wherein there were others who ended up basically worshipping him and other apostle, much to his chagrin...and he was constantly fighting for his life, in one way or another...yet, all the more dependent upon the Lord, consciously so, because of that abjectly dire state of being. Even unto death.

So, while I could in no way give you a checklist which would tell you whether you're given to be an apostle, I can point you to the experiences of apostles past...and we could likely agree that the experiences of that degree of responsibility would probably entail similar degrees of reliance upon the Lord, similar extents of communion with the Holy Spirit as to be adequately and constantly equipped to accomplish the requirements of such a position.

Because, while I hear a lot of people talk about the giftings...it seems there's generally not much discussion of the responsibilities entailed. Like, for instance, with that of prophets...was it Ezekiel, or Isaiah, or Jeremiah, or...probably every single prophet of the Lord?...who was let to know they'd be held personally responsible for the blood of all the people who were to die in condemnation, if they were to refrain from doing precisely as the Lord gave them to do, in prophesying?

That's a pretty big burden. The blood of an entire nation on your head, unless you do precisely as the Lord wills you to do--even as He's also simultaneously preparing you by way of letting you know that every single thing you say will be completely and utterly rejected by everyone who hears you. That you'll be mocked, you'll be persecuted, you'll perhaps even face a horrible death...but that your commitment and due service is to Him, and that it is ultimately, truly a privilege and honor to be duty-bound by Him into such service?

And, again--that was the office of a prophet. The blood of a nation on their head. Persecution. Horrible death.

The office of an apostle is listed as higher responsibility, thus greater extent of service and subjugation than of a prophet.

So, let's consider the implication thereby, if we really must consider what all the administrative gifts truly entail.

You want prestige? Realize that you are personally going to be held responsible for the blood (i.e., condemnation) of everyone you meet, see, walk near, or even come into shouting distance of...whom you don't share the gospel with. Take that with you.

And meditate on that for a few days... ...in every chance meeting you have on the street, in the hallway, in the aisles of stores.

And, even if you're not given to the office of an apostle, or a prophet...if you are a God-fearing person, I would fair guarantee you'll still begin to feel increasingly desperate for spreading the gospel in whatsoever ways and manners and moments the Lord allows and directs, at all times, in any way possible, to anyone given. Period.

Again, just consider--the prophets seemed generally to be responsible for a nation. And, a couple places down on the list...pastors, who are responsible for their congregation...
...teachers, perhaps for their class...

So, if we do want to apply reason to this, it would then seem that apostles would certainly be responsible for more than a single nation.

Whereas, perhaps evangelists are responsible for subsets of nations, but yet for more than a single congregation?

Honestly, it seems much more reasonable that the distinction between these offices--as observable distinctions--is concentric entirely about their scope of responsibility, even thereby entailing likewise expanses according to the geographical range of their service.

Which, something learned today through one pastor (no idea who he was...just listened)...there's definite distinction between "nation" and "country" which we don't generally consider, nowadays.
Nations are groups of people (Samaritans, Israelites, Cherokee, etc.), whereas countries are land designations according to political delineations (ofttimes encompassing numerous nations of people--think "nationality"). Along those lines, it just came to mind that, where prophets were responsible for nations...perhaps it is that apostles became responsible for countries, to some extent.

Rather than that apostles are people who had first-hand experience with Jesus. Which, in all honestly, it seems that the argument along that line is that they were eye-witnesses to Jesus. Seems spurious, and nothing I've read in the New Testament seems to either imply or corroborate that argument.
...whereas, at least with the idea of the scope of their responsibility (the extent of their subjugation in service, in ministry, as serving so many people...being responsible for them..)...there's definitely something about the prophets in the Old Testament being held responsible for groups of people, and there's definitely information about pastors being accountable for their responsibility to a congregation.

Okay, this is ridiculous, but it just came to mind that there's corresponding sort of adoption of the hierarchy of Christ's Church in modern corporate structure. Oh. yeah.

Corporate-level managers (each of which generally has a particular focus area of specialty) which are responsible for coordinating all of the geographically-organized district-level managers (again, each of which generally has a particular area of specialty correspondent to a corporate-level variation in specialty), store-level managers which are responsible for coordinating all activities within an individual operation (which will have varying specialties, themselves, but generally are necessarily more focused on general operations), then department-level managers which have subset areas of specialization within the individual operation (corresponding to a variation in specialty evidenced at every other level), and then general employees...which management is responsible for grooming for higher degrees of responsibility so as they acquire promotion within the organization dependent upon inherent skill and interests.

Not that the Church is organized exactly like that, no, but things in the world do tend to mimic God's ways, to varying extents and in varying ways. Political structure is more or less the same, although there are far more variations in structure according to "operating dynamic." ...ideology?

Yeah.

That's weird, but it makes more sense of the idea of their being different "parts" in the body of Christ. Just...been thinking on Wigglesworth, for the past 24-hours, curious of how he fits in alongside guys like Charles Finney and Duncan Campbell and Billy Graham. Curious of how they all fit in to the entirety of the Lord's schematic of His Church, according to delineation in the "member parts."

...the apostle of faith, though. That's quite a moniker.

What would Wesley have been? ...Luther?

And now, who? There are things going on, but even as certain have been realized, there's a great degree which isn't yet discernable.

Something, though, which a theologian in the Holy Ghost movie mentioned...which hasn't quite left my mind, since hearing--so very exciting...
...he talked about how there are generally two camps of Christians: those who believe in the inerrancy and total sufficiency of scripture (yet who either believe the Holy Spirit no longer operates as at Pentecost or who just overlook the operation of the Holy Spirit, except as some "muted helper")...and those who believe the Holy Spirit's operation in the church is of vital importance to the church (yet who are largely overlooking the necessity of dwelling in the Bible)...
...he said that both are right, as to the overt premises...but that, given each is only part of the picture, they're both limiting themselves basically.

...but that where there comes a union of the two...?

A church which relies wholly upon the entirety of Scripture and which also believes in and relies upon the full operation of the Holy Spirit, in all the capacities described by the Scriptures...?

I'm excited.

It's exciting.
And even as it's something which will entirely be an act of the Lord, then so be it.

None of this "five-fold" ministry stuff where people basically attempt to collect divine appointments like trading cards, in order to consider their own personal church "complete," oh no.

It's a matter of divinely appointed structure unto proper, fully-empowered and grace-filled operation--in the beauty and majesty of the Lord's gift to us all, as we were given by His unspeakable gift to us...

...operating truly in the divine service we're given, in divine authority so granted and bestowed. Truly as ambassadors, rather than merely as mouth-pieces proclaiming a gospel we don't truly feel and see and know with every ounce of our being as utmost truth beyond any else we'd ever heard or experienced...

...given that He yet speaks to us, daily...

...knowing Him so...?

That is to witness.

We are called to be witnesses, first and foremost--those of us who receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, truly and blatantly so. We are called to be His witnesses in all the world, to all the world.

Aside of what He revealed to John at Patmos, directly, that was the last face-to-face revelation given by the Lord--when the Holy Spirit comes upon us, we are to witness in all the world.

But...I know the argument comes that those things which He spoke to the original disciples were for them, especially or only...

...if that were the case, then where would the Church be? If the Great Commission were limited to them, then how would the Church have propagated? If baptism were to have been performed by the apostles, alone, then how could any of us have received the benefit? If faith comes by hearing, and yet only the original apostles and disciples were truly given to share the gospel and witness of Christ, then how could any who came after them ever have had faith unto salvation? God-given, yes, and come by hearing. As Paul basically said...Without someone to preach the gospel, though, who could hear?

The argument against present-day baptism of the Holy Spirit is tedious, is all. People are just afraid, is all--I was. I sought it, regardless, though...and was subdued and soothed and reassured, even prior to receiving. Seeking wholeheartedly, though.

There've been those, too, that don't seek because they're afraid of what the Lord will require of them. The thing is...as has been my experience...yeah, He's required absolutely everything of me, as is right and good. But it's not as though one day I just woke up and was confronted with the decision to either serve the Lord and forsake all else, or be put aside. No. Just...it's been a matter of progressing in a relationship with Him, coming to know Him, to love His Word, His fellowship, His ways...above all else, beyond all else...to the extent that, when it's come time that He's asked me to turn away from certain things, the sacrifice is gladly done so as to dwell more richly in Him and His word--the joy of His fellowship, abounding, far exceeds everything which has gone by the wayside.

Materially, socially, financially, and in all ways physical...possessing less than ever before...but, although periodically tempted back toward such things...still, so gladly fulfilled and wholly satisfied in the humbling peace and joy of His presence that there's nothing (but by grace, oh hallelujah!)...absolutely nothing which would be preferable.

So, yes--He may well require you to give up your job, your house, your "dreams," your plans, your "security," and everything in this world. But you gain Him, increasingly along the way so long as you're actually pursuing Him wholeheartedly and being obedient to His will..
..so long as you're His, ultimately, He'll keep you and draw you ever nearer.

And the joy of knowing Him...just knowing Him, talking with Him, listening to Him...exceeds anything you could ever conceive of as well-doing and gladly received in this world. Exceeding the puerile "joys" of complete self-indulgence in a societal, geographical, occupational, financial, psychological paradise to such an extent that the attempt to compare is ultimately pointless--there is NO comparison.

Otherwise, I'd either still be in hotel management in the French Quarter, painting faces in Tampa, or now bartending in Key West. Because the indulgences, the extents to which worldly success could be attained per any of those courses were wide-open. How much would you wager a hotel general manager in a tourism-based economy for an international vacation spot might garnish as recompense? That would have been possible, within a brief span of a few years. Even as the face painting position would have led into management and further training in the trade which would have yielded further opportunity for gainful employ, even unto self-employment...in an atmosphere of "open acceptance" which gladly welcomed, so long as Christianity wasn't a serious topic of discussion. Or, the temptation to phone a friend with a beach-front apartment on the southernmost isle in the States...whom I miss dearly and pray for near-daily, or whensoever as the Lord prompts...and to step back into such a lifestyle of reckless abandon and heady reveries as we ever were wont, meeting and embracing the all of humanity for the sake of sharing a moment in loving, accepting conversation?

All of that, yet Christ is more. So much more.

Loving them all, yet having come to a point of realizing it's all for nothing except that He's my Lord and the Light in my life.

Love covers a multitude of sins.

So, ultimately, it doesn't matter what the distinctions are. Ultimately, it doesn't matter who does what, who holds what position, what gifts the Lord has gives us each...so long as we love each other, the rest will come and will be ordered by the Holy Spirit. And if I have to start calling Him according to leaving off the preceding article, then I'd rather just call Him Ruach Elohim.

Because it feels weird to call Him by Holy Spirit, as though that were His name. His name, as "the Holy Spirit," is as a superlative moreover from how it seems when saying. So, to go with the transliteration of the Hebrew for so distinguishing Him seems more apt than to drop the indication of such a superlative state, in English.

Same as...oh, yeah...I've heard arguments on both sides, and heard folks speak it on numerous occasions, and even tried to do so myself...but it's just not in me to call my Heavenly Father "Daddy."
Abba may well have particular connotations of familiarity, but I'd prefer to even call Him that than this other English term with foundation in childish familiarity, even wrought unto varied societally adopted perversions denoting arrangements of willful dependency.

Abba moreso has connotational implications which, while they do entail familiarity, yet imply an innate reverence for acknowledged disparity in status, inherently referring to one's own position of relative subordination rather than to mere dependence. So, yeah.

Those things have been roiling for a few months, and it's just...a part of the nature of where I'm at in my walk with the Lord, that they're even currently remarkable to note. Ridiculous, really--completely irrelevant, either way.

If someone else feels the need to go by either of those terms, so be it for them. Just...I can't, I won't. And those are the reasons as to why, even as it was previously entirely beyond me to even begin to delineate. Still. There they are.

It doesn't matter, either way, perhaps. Just, not for me. I'm just as happy for anyone who can go by those lines as for my own ability not to, though. And would be curious to hear of their relationship with the Lord, as to the delineations along with those particulars have developed. Maybe He's given to be called those things--dunno.

For whatever reason, the transliterated Hebrew names are generally the ones given me. Elohim works as well as Ruach Elohim, so far as has been given. Adonai. Yeshua.

Jehovah. ...Yahweh. Howsoever. And His name, ultimately, is beyond comprehension...ultimately beyond contraction into mortal terms, so far as I've been led to understand. Same as is He. ...we just get glimpses, per His goodness as to so condescend into acquiescing to our desire to know Him in any degree, even unto whatsoever degree..

Always more, then.

So... ...God bless you.

=)

Again, mind now goes to thinking on that bit of teaching shared by brother Washer...in regard to the highest order of blessing which a good God could give to His creation would be to further reveal Himself. (linked it a couple days ago, in consideration of God's glory being to our good--such a fascination, overwhelming, awe-inspiring, love-inciting concept)

So, God bless you.

Hallelujah!

Beautiful day.

The Lord is so good. And, today...given to love and to humble, grateful remembrance of His willing condescension into humanity. So many messages lately have either been concentric about that point or have touched very significantly upon the idea of God becoming incarnate. Love incarnate. Wisdom incarnate. So many things. All God, wholly man.

Considering even the idea of how He did that is beyond comprehension. It doesn't make any sort of natural sense, to think how God...infinity, omnipotence, omniscience, omnipresence...became also fully man. Without losing any of Himself, nor compromising any of Himself, yet while be subject to all the things which are inherent of being human. Subject to physical limitation, and yet a limitless being. Subject to circumstantial emotion, and yet sovereign of all. Subject to the limitations of human expression, and yet omniscient. Subject to natural, human processes of maturing and chronological progression, and yet extratemporal.

His humility is astonishing, beyond comprehension. Utterly to be sought for personal expression, so to be.

The God of the Universe, and yet he thought it nothing to be sought, nothing to brag, nothing to flaunt nor to even be asserted. He humbled Himself in all ways, then, in all things, even as to remain utterly subject to God the Father, wholly and continually at all times. Subject always to God the Father. He sought not His own purposes, ever, but always the will of the Father. Being God incarnate, and yet subject to the force of the will of God, never to the will of the flesh. Never, ever to the will of the flesh.

He was the only who ever has, the only who ever will.

The only begotten son.

He fulfilled the law, in its entirety. He erred in no way, remaining always subject to God the Father. Subject, always, to the ways of God, to the will of God, to the highest order of holiness.

And, by course of that all, by course of being who He was, who He is, and who the Father has restored Him as to be...yet, ever having been, and ever being...

...by course of who He is, and all He did, in coming here. In maintaining a wholehearted, persistent, unfaltering adherence to God the Father's highest will...always, in all things...being tempted, even as we are, and yet never sinning... ...even unto death, fulfilling the will of the Father, who then was satisfied to crush Him in His wrath, as a propitiation...a lawful, substitutionary atonement...an acceptable sacrifice which was the first ever to be satisfactory for not only covering, but also wiping clean from sin...

...by course of His perfect walk, even as God incarnate wholly humbled, without self-seeking--subject always to the external force of God the Father's love and will, always seeking the good of others above His own... Jesus Christ was the only one who could stand in as a willing sacrifice for all of us who haven't fulfilled the whole of the law.

We deserve God's wrath, is the crux of the matter. God's wrath is justifiable--always warranted by humans, and thus it simply must be meted out unto satisfaction.

And it's about so much more than just the idea of a set of "laws." The thing is, at this point in time, when we think of laws, there are generally only a few sorts of conceptions by which they're considered. And all those sort have a sense of the arbitrary to them, even as those concepts often acknowledge that there's a sense of good (if oft short-sighted) intent inherent of legislature. Yet, in an age where litigation has become a course of arbitrary restrictions which purport largely to legitimize socially-agreed personal preferences, without reference beyond societal norms as a means of justification...? ...the very idea of law has become rather tedious, because of the superficiality of much of the course. So, the idea of God having "laws" seems, on the surface, potentially similar in arbitrariness. ...especially given that our main point of reference as to what purpose law serves is one which points to law as being seemingly arbitrary, as per the course of our humanist, pluralistic, normative (yet purportedly empirical) mentality.

The thing is...we want it both ways. We want law to serve us and to make sense. We want law to protect us and to keep our interests safe. But, yet, we don't want to whatsoever be restricted from indulging any random imperative which seems justifiable along (self-defined and self-referential) "rational" lines. Along that line there comes a serious problem, is all.

Without a point of reference which is both fixed and wholly good, any such pursuit of lawfulness will inevitably decline into a state of declension unto varied, increasing degrees of depravity.

It's simply the way of our order that we go to all extremes, even if seemingly gradually, just by a process of continual rationalization which yields unto increasing levels of desensitization.

Which is wherein there's great good in God having outlined, through Moses, an order of law. Not that conscience didn't already serve to point out that certain things were "wrong," but there was apparently every bit as much (if not more) a tendency toward wantonness and utter depravity, regardless.

The thing is...God IS good. Writing a few days ago about how good He is...that when He glorifies Himself in anyone's life, it's ALWAYS to their direct benefit... ...just, think... ...not a half-done, partially-fulfilling benefit, but one which exceeds all expectations. Like with the fellow J.D. from church, a month and some ago--God glorified Himself in J.D.'s life. And what that ended up being, in a moment's time, to J.D...is that he was completely healed of brain cancer.

Just...that's how good God is--when He seeks His own glory (and rightly so), it benefits His creation. When He glorifies Himself in my life, even, it's to the tune of having shown such mercy and grace as to have allowed me not only to live but to be whole despite a 25 foot fall onto concrete, head-first, backwards. Yeah, it broke my neck. Yeah, it damaged pretty much all of my brain--to such an extent the attending neurosurgeon wasn't able to reconcile himself to any explanation by which I could possibly still be breathing, let alone conscious...and, beyond even being conscious, also able to move and reason, and speak, and see. He had absolutely no means of understanding it, because there's not a rational, scientific explanation for it. Period.

Same as with J.D.'s brain cancer just disappearing. And with a pastor's wife having ovarian cancer disappear. And with that same pastor having a pulmonary embolism AND lung cancer all disappear (he was on blood thinners for the clotting, but no treatment for the cancer). And all those, without any treatment for the cancer, aside of praise and prayer and testimony.

Just...when God glorifies Himself, those are the sort of things which happen--the miraculous, without explanation, scientifically impossible, and always to the good of those so blessed as to receive.

All of that, only to establish that with as good as God is, He is not arbitrary in having outlined a course of written laws. Certain things were shadows, typification, of things to come--prophetic ordinances, meant to establish a course of pursuit and indicate a course of fulfillment. Much was a means of keeping people set apart to Himself--the only course of fulfillment, for humanity.

Bottom line, we don't presently really have a point of reference, societally, for comprehending the inherent goodness of God's law. Ultimately, really, there even really rests the whole upon the Ten Commandments. Even though, as Jesus said, the points which are of utmost priority are, foremost, to love God, and secondarily, to love others above self. ...how much of all the rest of what's in Leviticus and Deuteronomy which is given portionately as a course of Moses' interpretation of societal needs, as typification of future events, and even as representation which was to keep reverence of God foremost in the minds and hearts of people...? ...no present idea, so not relevant.

Just...to keep the whole of the law, though.

Because the law of the Commandments really serves us all as much as they are due service to God, when you think about it, and yet we couldn't even manage to keep them. Just... Serve God always, above all? Have no idols, never take His name in vain, and keep His sabbath? Honor parents? No murder, no adultery? No stealing, no lying? No coveting?

Those are the basic ones, and yet...who hasn't coveted something? Who hasn't looked at something and let a little bit of lust for it creep in--whether a car, or a new outfit, or a particular meal when you're really hungry, or even a glass of water on a sweltering summer afternoon? Who hasn't experienced a moment of envy, at some point, looking at someone and just for a second "wishing" whatever it is they have were yours?

Perhaps there are those who haven't given in to those things. Who have never even had a moment of back-talking parents, or of acting out against God's authority in some capacity...

Perhaps there are those.

But to simultaneously, always, keep all of them? In regard to the Sabbath, and to the due reverence to God, even--to always love God, wholeheartedly and with all one's being...?

To do so ends up bringing a person into subjection to the goodwill of all, really. A little at a time, even as it also fulfills all a heart's desires. Complete satisfaction.

And, even as such a love for God wholly satisfies a person's heart and desires, keeping them in a state of peace and joy...to maintain that state, always? ...in the face of constant distraction and attempted anxiety? ...in the face of being tempted to pride, which equates to a self-reverence, idolizing self-worth (thus is in err of the Commandments), through moments of "self-reliance" which forsake proper acknowledgment of God?

The moments in which we err are so many, so, so many. And...if it weren't for that God is so absolutely, magnificently, wholly, gloriously holy and good and faithful and just...then, perhaps it wouldn't be the absolute travesty and utter abomination which it is, just to take one's eyes off of the goodness of God for just a moment, even, as to reference self.

But He is. He is glorious above all, to the extent that it can incapacitate a person wholly to be stricken with His presence to even minor degrees (wasn't it Daniel who was basically bedridden for three-days, utterly physically overwhelmed by the presence of the Lord?...or was it Ezekiel?...or both?)...
...to even witness, first-hand, His glory would completely destroy us, except that He would make it so that we could survive the experience.

He created the universe. So, really--if you think of it from that point, alone... ...a God, Creator of the Universe--the stars, the planets, the Earth and all upon her...moved to whatever point He decreed, unquestioningly and without remark. The sea and the land, all subject without remark, to His decrees. And, each and every one--all the heavens proclaiming His glory. Every tree, every blade of grass, every bird, every wild creature...living as a testament to His majesty, without either sideways glance as to question their being or their Creator--glorifying Him through the sheer force of their unbending adherence unto the order along which they were created...apple trees yielding fruit without question, always in due season...the tide turning according to the times, subject always to the order which it was ever created... ...all things glorifying Him in their adherence to His given order, testifying to His might and majesty as a matter of course of their unerring adherence, within the realm of their given schema.

And, then...humans.

Created according to His likeness. And yet self-seeking.

A Creator which was so benevolent as to give us life, and yet from almost the first...we yielded to temptation to seek our own benefit, rather than the benefit which He always gives. He gives to such greater degrees than we could ever conceive of--be it of wisdom, understanding, knowledge, provision, fulfillment, or whatsoever is desired that is truly to our good...

...He always gives to our good, to a greater degree than we could ever conceive off, when we worship Him and glorify Him for who He is.

Just think of what glorious surroundings were given Adam and Eve! A garden of such beauty, freedom of such terrain and provision for every need...an environment and atmosphere or such perfection...and companionship not only between themselves but directly with the Creator, God Himself! And, yet still...they sought for themselves, apart from God.

How heart-rending would that be? I can't even imagine. To so love as to provide for every conceivable need...and then to receive the equivalent of a slap in the face, for your goodness and love? And even then, He didn't destroy them. He could have wiped the slate clean. He could have just put it all to the side.

But He's not like us. He's faithful.

Just...from that first moment of turning away from God, seeking self-fulfillment through some other means...humanity was changed. To turn away from God in any capacity yields to a darkness of heart and of mind.

He IS the Light. So to turn away, is to yield to a darkness.

And what sits in darkness hardens, even unto desiccation. Until there's nothing left but a shriveled mass which once knew what it was to love and love the light of truthfulness.

Without maintaining that necessary, external reference point, which is God and God's decree for us...we become self-seeking and begin to objectify everything to the point where nothing truly fulfills. "Contentment" becomes the norm, and quasi-derivatives of what would purport to be happiness...the course of pursuit to "fulfillment of self."

There is none, apart from God, though.

And there can be none in God, either, except that we reconcile our hearts to Him. Once they've been tainted by darkness, though, we're turned against Him. And that's what it is, to be in this world--an exposure to darkness which taints us all, to varying degrees. But, to any degree, we're at odds with God. He has NO darkness in Him, and cannot abide it. That darkness which infested our species, at that first self-indulgence...was an irreconcilable deviation from God's nature in us. We retained "reason," we retained "authority" of a sort, but we were then set apart from Him, by that darkness in our heart. He just...cannot embrace it.

A lot of folks don't care for the duplicity which exists between the status of God, and the status of man, as an example of the results from such deviation which was wrought as to ultimately mean we are as a species now opposed to God. People resent the idea that God has the final say. They resent the idea that God pronounces judgment without their ability to defend themselves, even as they simultaneously are asserting per such an idea that they have a justifiable stance in being in anything opposed to His decrees. Just the idea of conforming to the will of God or face damnation utterly riles a lot of folks, they're so opposed to God.

But His laws are good. His will is good. Our lack of comprehension of the whole schematic doesn't justify us in picking out bits and pieces of circumstance as an attempt to justify our stance against Him. I hear, periodically, people going on about people eating their babies, and about entire nations of people being slaughtered according to the will of God. Yeah, and? Nowadays, there's mass murder being perpetrated, according to the design of human convenience, internationally considered justifiable--just as a matter of personal convenience, generally...and it's considered commonplace and without flaw, according to political, "scientific," "philosophical," "psychological" standards for what's good and right for "women's rights." Not that there's any comparison there, no. Just that one murder doesn't equate to another, and if it's God's will that someone die, then that's that. I wouldn't want to be the one holding the sword, necessarily, but if it were His decree--so be it.

Even as...it's just that people don't want to be accountable. False accountability abounds. To bosses. To the government. To peers. To self, ultimately, but not even there--it's all internally derived and justified, so wherein is the accountability? If we're only accountable to self, there IS not accountability. There's only self-justification, rationalization, and self-persecution or redirection. But not accountability. If the only incentive is internally derived, there's no incentive.

I lived that lie far too long, having experienced something now far surpassing, to allow it credence. Just...we are in a pit, as a society. We dig it deeper, by the day. And, I don't know about you all...but in case you've never had experience being trapped in a hole--just as a hint: continuing to dig won't get you out. Which is why even the idea of apologetics is rather glumly and reluctantly considered, whenever it is.

You can't dig yourself out of a hole by continuing to dig it deeper.

We stand, as a species, diametrically opposed to God. We do the equivalent of spitting in His face, really, merely by existing without giving due reverence to Him, given the grace shown per fact we're alive. We are opposed to Him, so there must be a judgment. Created eternal, and standing spiritually opposed to Him...we condemn ourselves by remaining opposed. You can't be both. You can't love God and exist in any sort of opposition to Him. You can't love Him and yet not know who He is. Loving Him means desiring to know Him, and requiring Him in all things, for having realized how wonderful He is.

But, we've put ourselves in the position of being opposed to Him, by acting against Him. And, having acted against Him...for the longest time, a series of sacrifices were given, as to make "atonement" for "sin"...for "iniquity"...for lawlessness...for defiance....for rebellion, basically. And those sacrifices served as acts of willful obedience which made it possible to approach God, in ways, even without ever really changing the heart. Covering the lawlessness, but not changing it.

We have just...we exist in such opposition to Him, as natural creatures born into a world where we're absorbed wholly in self, from nearly the point of birth. Jesus is the only one who was ever able to walk in compliance, unfalteringly, to God's law...God in the flesh, even as subjected to all the same temptations as we are. He stayed in such total subjection to God the Father, though, such total humility. Complete humility.

...only someone who inerrantly, unceasingly fulfilled absolutely every requirement of the law of God could have been in the position to even be able to stand in for the rest of us, offering Himself a satisfactory sacrifice unto God's wrath, so that the entirety of humanity who would come to Him afterwards could then be delivered from the bondage of their lawlessness.

So as to be reconciled to God, by being spiritually recreated, transformed into a creature of Light.

...from the inside, out.

Jesus was the only, first off...to remain so completely, incessantly humble as to always, always, always be in complete subjection to God the Father...the way of lawfulness.

Just...He humbled Himself, even as to become human. And, even as it's a struggle to lay self aside, for us...yet He did so, to such an extent in taking on the flesh...it's incomprehensible. Infinite, and yet within the womb of a virgin.

He was humble, even while remaining steadfast in His adherence to the Father's will, even as that pursuit put Him in places and circumstances which yielded to a directed manifestation of the power of God. Yet, humility, always. Unapologetically obedient, in all ways, to God...no matter what the cost, nor what the requirement. He did, said, and went in whatever ways He was given by the Father. That, and ONLY that. So He said.

So, it's always strange to hear folks (like one pastor, today) argue against that sort of obedience to the Lord. If we are to be transformed into Christ's image, which is truly one of the works which the Holy Spirit is performing in those who are His...then, it only follows that those who are being transformed will strive to that end, as to be directed unto obedience in ALL things.

 Period.

Just...that's a battle, in itself. As all things are, really, even as they ultimately are wholly brought into subjection to Christ. There are a veritable endless myriad of voices which seek to direct a person, these days--internally and externally, as discernable by those more attuned to the Lord's voice, who may so attest. So, there must be constant discernment. Constant, unending. Even as that's impossible.

Which...really, means it's a good thing that all things are possible for God.

The entirety hinges upon that. From first to last, and it's by the grace of God, through faith.

Seriously.

Just to think of Him, who He was...who He was, in spirit and in truth, and yet even after 40 days of fasting...even then, He refused to seek for Himself but chose rather to remain wholly obedient and reverent to the Father. Regardless of His hunger, still it was preferable to Him that He remain wholly subject to whatsoever was the Father's will for Him--trusting explicitly in whatsoever the Father willed, trusting Him always for the highest good, no matter circumstances. Even unto His crucifixion.

And yet, consider Him with Mary and Martha, going to resurrect Lazarus. He knew that Lazarus was to be resurrected. He knew that Lazarus would arise. He trusted the Father utterly and completely, that He would fulfill His request. And yet, He felt their grief so keenly, saw it so keenly...that He wept with them. He loved them so. He loves us so.

Even then, facing the crucifixion. And I can't imagine how it must have utterly shattered His heart, to sit and sup with Judas, knowing his betrayal and yet knowing it necessary. Knowing Judas was condemning himself by rebelling to the utmost against God, as even literally giving Satan place. I can't imagine the grief.

Yet it was part of the course by which things needed to progress, given that state of matters we'd gotten ourselves into as group...such lawlessness as we're in, such opposition to God, and the only way to reconcile us as to save us from the condemnation we've ever chosen...

...was to sacrifice Himself, blameless yet accepting our punishment. Someone recently spoke about that, in terms of the judgment for rebellion against God requiring, perforce, eternal retribution...as that it was only Christ who could have taken it, in ever a finite amount of time--an infinite punishment meted upon an infinite being incarnate, even temporally. He was able to sustain the infinite force of God's wrath, the warranted restitution for our rebellion, in a finite amount of time merely because He is infinite. But just to imagine what that suffering was...

...stricken, in all ways. The inseparable, infinite, yet self-opposed and wounded unto death for our sake. Never prior alone, and yet stricken solitary under wrath. He became a curse, that ours would be broken.

He drank our wrath. He went into our death. And He remained there for three days, entombed in death. But death couldn't hold Him. Captivity was taken captive by Him. And He was glorified by the Father, to His rightful place of ascension--reigning at His right hand, in heaven. Evermore, as forever.

He is everything. Created all things. All things which are..consist in Him.
And He humbled Himself as to become a babe in a manger. No room in the inn.

Just...it's so difficult to try to explain why it's such an absolutely, completely terrible thing to sin. Just...the idea of sin--it's lawlessness...it's rebellion...it's acting against God. He has given us so many good things, and wants good for us in all things. So, when we do things which abuse or overindulge or pervert the inherent goodness of what He's given us...?

Without having a clear idea of quite how wonderful He is, how absolutely awesome, how just...completely, wholly good and glorious and powerful and all-knowing, above and beyond all things and loving beyond all things...sovereign, majestic, all-wise, all-powerful, all-knowing...

...it's really not possible to see how absolutely and utterly terrible acting against or even outside of God's will really is.

Just that thing which I keep reading, about how all of creation moves to His Word, obeying immediately and completely subject to Him...and then, man would say "No." That kind of, in a small way, puts a slight bit of perspective on how terrible it is.

But...without understanding how terrible sin is, it's difficult to see how astonishing and humbling is the sacrifice Christ made, and how absolutely wonderful it is to be able to be reconciled to the Father through Him.

Relying entirely on Christ, though.

Entirely.

He is everything.
...in so many ways.

In the wilderness.

Lately, every time I sit down here to write, immediately a sensation of overwhelming physical, mental exhaustion nearly overwhelms. A very strange thing, indeed.

So much of what's been going on just isn't open to any sort of disclosure, at this juncture.

For as various an array of reasons as is the variation of matters which all concern. So, so many things.

Things I've been talking to the Lord about, and it's not that He's not responded...but there's a sort of open area that's been created by my continued insistence. Which isn't well, perhaps.

And, then, perhaps the answer really just is in quite what He's been telling me for the past...oh, four months? (I'm just a ...little... slow.) ((*edit*...okay, so thinking back through that, now that it's been expressed... Yes, it's definitely in what He's been insisting, and it's ludicrous to assert otherwise--seriously, of all the people to doubt...He is the last one to be doubted. Such a horrid tendency to question Him, though))

...the kind which come out by prayer and fasting.

And wilderness experiences, all around.

And, did you all realize the implications of those particular temptations wrought unto Jesus while He was in the wilderness?

Multi-fold, each, but the primary implications for each are rather blatantly manifest in so much of what is prevalent nowadays regarding us all.

...as to the bread... ...tempted to rely upon one's own provision, rather than upon the Lord's (...when it was in Jesus' case, upon God the Father). ...tempted to pre-empt God's provision for our survival/needs, rather than to remain patiently trusting and reliant upon His goodwill and faithfulness. ...lack of faith, as doubting God's time-frame/intent/faithfulness in fulfilling our required necessities.

...as to the fall, the jump... ...tempted to pre-empt the will of the Lord, as to "force His hand" into compliance with our own will. ...tempted to step out, not in faith, but in an act of recklessness which has a mockery of God at its core. ..the opposite of patient obedience, in other words.

...as to the kingship... ...tempted to put favor and honor upon the things of this world, above and beyond worship of the Lord. ...tempted to put convenience, comfort, prestige, social/political/religious authority, acceptance, and perceived security (external, temporal indulgences) above obedience to the Lord and above the glories of the kingdom of God, which dwell within. ...tempted to idolatry, in all ways.

And there's more than just that, but those are the few which are currently brought to mind.

That's as much as can be, for now.

And Merry Christmas. =)

Briefly, just to pray...for all the lost and the weary.

Pray with me, at this commemoration of our Lord's birth, for the unbelievers in the world.

Yeshua HaMashiach became Emmanuel for a reason, and not for those who are well, but for those who are in need of a great physician. 

Please, let us all pray for those who are militantly atheistic, for those who are bound by delusion of spiritual pluralism as thinking all ways are equal. Let us pray especially for those who have wandered by the ways of Christ without ever having truly come to know Him, then wandering off on varied other "logical," "reasonable," or "compelling" paths...for having never known the Lord, Himself, aside of through the tenets which we as Christians profess...and oft-falteringly propose and purport to practice.

Please, let us all pray for the lost and the weary and the angry, and the despondent and anxious and the malicious. Let us pray for the confused and the confounded and the bloodthirsty, even amongst our own ranks.

Our Lord is mighty to save, so let His name be glorified in all the world!

The Inherent Goodness of God's Glory

The Lord is so good. So, so good.

There are people now with whom I can fairly regularly fellowship who faithfully admonish, rebuke,  correct, exhort, edify, and encourage me, by the Spirit and through the Word. An increasing number of people, by the grace of God.

After hearing for months of a need to have folks to whom I'm accountable, then praying for guidance on the matter and beginning to long for increased fellowship, the Lord has made a way. Regardless that there are considerations which make the whole scenario a bit distended, seemingly, the whole has been very prayerfully approached and acknowledged as His will. So, nothing doing regarding anxiety.

All will be as He wills, and that's just all there is to it.

There remains an increasing burden for further deliverance and, as experiencing the joy of deliverance unto greater revelation of the Lord's love, faithfulness, and goodness...there's increasing yearning for others to experience the absolute glory of His fellowship in greater measures.

I ache for others to know Him. I yearn for those of our brothers and sisters in the Lord who remain in bondage to fear and anxiety and confusion and worry. Heart-rending, as there's such freedom...such liberty in dwelling continually in His Presence, in resting in His incomprehensible love, in fellowshipping perpetually with the Holy Spirit through. It IS possible, and He is faithful to provide all which is necessary...just, there is need to ask...there is need to begin to desire such an experience, ongoing. And it takes increasing desperation for Him. Wholehearted devotion, pursuit in all ways which He opens--through Scripture, prayer, devotional readings, listening to sermons by those anointed of the Lord, and whatsoever else He leads.

The Scriptures help so much, as to come to know Him and recognize His voice. Yes, there's the internal witness of the same, yet with all the many voices in this world which are perpetually whispering to us...being able to hear that same tone, that same timbre, that same cadence and vivre...being able to continually return to that external witness which holds ever true to the internal witness, and vice versa, does utterly well to drive out attempted interlopers and imposters. His sheep know His voice.

So, it's heartbreaking to hear and see and come into stilted contact with those who so very obviously utterly yearn for His companionship, in varied degrees, yet who seem to be somehow adrift at a means to come to better know Him and more closely walk with Him. I'm praying. So praying. He'll make some way, for them. He'll reveal Himself in greater degrees to us each, who seek, dispelling delusions further and further and increasing our peace and understanding of His love and adherence to His commandments and knowledge of His ways and law...increase our awareness and direct experience of Him.

We need Him so, there's no other course. Whatever it takes, so to all require Him as an absolute necessity in all things, in all ways, at all times, to ever-increasing degrees. Because we need Him, as such, regardless...merely, we're so very short-sighted as lacking such an awareness. So, to know Him, then, and to become increasingly aware of His goodness and what a blessing it is to be so utterly dependent upon One who is so faithful and so glorious in all ways.

Started listening to a Youtube series by brother Paul Washer on God's Glory and the Creature's Good, a little over a month ago, and it's been perpetually on my mind since having begun. Just the preliminary concepts have utterly transfixed thought for over a month, so whether the series will ever be finished (or the book read...wow, yeah)...no idea. Just, the preliminary thoughts are so absolutely mind-shatteringly powerful, I can't yet bring myself to consider moving beyond them.

To consider His goodness. God's goodness--so absolute. So utterly glorious and wholly good, beyond all reckoning, that the highest blessing for one of His created beings is to receive a revelation of Him. He is so innately wonderful and majestically glorious that receiving an increased awareness of Him utterly uplifts, transforms, and...just BLESSES...the created one who is so graced as to receive. Our highest good is found in KNOWING God. Our lives are made whole, made complete, made full, made joyous, made peaceful...our lives are wholly fulfilled, in a relationship with our Creator. His very essence is so gloriously, transcendently good... ...that, to worship Him, to praise His name...delivers us from bondage. We are made free, by praising Him. He has created things in such a way, with such love for us and such goodness manifested unto all creation...that, as glorious as He is, as worthy of all worship and praise and honor and reverence and awe...as worthy of all as He is, and yet He has made creation so that we are wholly benefitted by praising Him as He is due. When He is glorified in us, it always benefits us. He is just that GOOD. His glorification does good to us, and that's how He has made things. That what glorifies Him benefits His creation.

I just...it's so frustrating to try to put into words. A month later, and my mind is still utterly blown by that realization of the fathomless wonder of His absolute, total, infinite goodness.

Do yourself good, go listen to the first two videos in this teaching series--they're less than 10 minutes each, so it won't take much time, and the blessing is exceedingly beyond comprehension. HERE IS A LINK. Because, yeah, I bookmarked it for further review and future completion.

Here's the blurb-thing under the video: "It is extremely important to understand that God does not seek His own glory apart from His creatures greatest good. In fact, the greatest good that God could ever accomplish for His creatures and the greatest kindness He could ever show them is to glorify Himself - to direct all things and work in all things so that the fullness of all that He is might be displayed before them. If God is of infinite value, splendor, and beauty, then it follows that the most valuable, most splendid, and most beautiful gift He could ever give to His creatures is the fullest revelation of Himself."

Nothing doing, if not well done--and then, by grace alone.

Ended up reading bits and pieces of some of Charles Finney's writing, yesterday. Trying to figure out how to refrain from continuing the course of perpetually failing and falling prey to the same temptations--besetting sin, isn't that what folks call it, or some?

Finney made reference to some fellow of his acquaintance who perpetually went about figuring out how not to sin by trying to route out the source of the initial deviation, then piecing it apart and resolving not to continue in similar ways.

More or less the same bit of stuff that's gotten me absolutely nowhere.

Grieving to sin, becoming absolutely desperate over lack of control over impulse, attempting to abstain from all things which might tempt or even put in the way of potential for temptation (asceticism was more or less the by-line along which recent courses developed, since May), and just basically living out the majority of that bit in Romans 7, wherein Paul talked about not being able to do the things he wanted to do and yet doing the things he didn't want to do.

Yeah...so, about that..

The part where he resolves the chapter by referring to our Lord? Yeah. 

That's everything.

Finney talked about it, in terms of how it's a complete reliance upon Christ which effectually frees a person from sin. Not a mental reliance, though. A spiritual reliance.

Which...that's a distinction which goes beyond adequate ability to relay in words.

And I'm rather ashamed to admit the amount of timidity experienced in regard to considering that course, for the all. Just...I don't trust myself. At all.

I don't trust myself to be able to continue to rely on Him, in that way. Because it's something that goes beyond just thinking about relying on Him. 

Fasting provides the clearest means of expressing the way it seems, as it goes. Wherein there comes a point, during fasting, wherein the impulse to consume something...anything...becomes a physical yearning, beyond just a craving. And there's a choice, then--either give in, or find solace in Christ as to weather the cravings. Either rely more deeply on the peace of His presence, or give into temptation.

...just, it's a choice as to whether to continue and press through to a further, deeper experience of His presence...or give in, and indulge in fleshly desires. 

Which, yeah--the belly for meat, and meat for the belly. But what of the part where the body is for the Lord? If the body is yielded wholly to physical satiety, then wherein is the Lord's due?

I just keep being reminded, too, that He keeps me...not the other way around. 

So, if I've faltered, there are certainly reasons. Whether they ever become known is of no matter, overall, so long as the course continues...so long as progress ultimately results, cumulative and comprehensive.

The whole idea of walking with the Lord is just so daunting, honestly. I talk to Him about that, periodically, but especially in moments like this one--when there's just been another faltering step, when He's caught me up again to Himself just as I'd nearly completely lost all sense of awareness...or, this latter, at least to such an extent as to have constituted a substantial, lasting regression.

I ask Him a lot about how this all does seem, in very odd yet distinctly different ways...to somewhat mirror the way things had been all along. Periods of ardent progress, passionately pursued with complete abandon...movement gradually halted by a perpetually amassed onslaught of information being accumulated far in excess of capacity for assimilation...which lack of movement allows for processing and cumulative comprehension, while also beginning to allow for a certain amount of degradation of perspective...degradation leading to certain amounts of regression, which then must be corrected for prior to entirely proceeding. 

Things have changed, though. I don't understand the whole of it, either. Just that...He comforts me, and He's been the one to keep me from declining too far, even. He stopped me in my tracks, twice, yesterday. Not with reason, either, which is what had always been referred to as the means of correction... ...no, but with comforting reassurance. 

It's just a further revelation, on the whole, that I can't do this. I'm not capable. 

He is.

And apparently, it's time to read Ecclesiastes. 

May append to this, after doing so. 

...

wow.

So, yeah. Solomon.

Except that he believed in God, he was basically a nihilist. Going to have to read over the last three chapters a good bit, to glean. And I'm constantly reminded of how much a fool I am, but...eh, what to do, except to pray?

Most days, it would seem better to be mocked as a fool than contemned as wise. Not an intentional path, though, so the larger part of hindsight is an attempt to reconcile self to the state of matters.
What does it matter, though? Whether people think I'm foolish or wise, it doesn't change anything.

And compared to the wisdom of God, everything is folly. As Paul put it, compared to the foolishness of God, man's highest wisdom is even yet folly.

So, the only point which matters is of Christ Jesus. The only one who ultimately matters is Him--our Lord.

Reading through some of Basilea Schlink's books, a bit...and yeah.

...just had a moment, again. I only have excerpts from her books, as from sermonindex.net. Tried to see what else could be found, wandered across a pit of darkness. And...yeah, still lurked too long.

Just...pursuant to a conversation with one of my brothers, a couple days ago...it's all the more apparent, even here--there's a division, in the world, whereby some choose misery and others joy.

I'm fed up of misery. It doesn't suit me, and I'm sick of it. There's more than enough to go around, honestly, so why pass the plate? I don't want it, don't need it, and so long as Jesus is my Lord--and, by His grace, so shall He ever be, as it's written that none can snatch those who are given Him by the Father out of His hand...so long as I'm His (ah, forever), then joy of Him is my strength and misery isn't mine.

I mean, goodness...the apostles rejoiced in their persecutions! Surely it's possible to here and now aspire to and attain something of that same resilience in the Lord. Because none of that sort of stance comes outside of the Lord, no, but given possibility...

...

Just remembered some anomalous goings-on, from these past few weeks. The whole "other spirit"-stuff Paul talked about. (Prefaced, now, by saying "Why not?" to going wheresoever the Lord leads...)

It's a coldness, bounding across and trying to find access. Skittering comes to mind, to describe. Just...such a coldness. Clinical in its coldness.

Very strange.

I trusted the Lord to keep me safe, though. This time, aware that something was "off," prior to beginning prayer. Praying to the Lord all the while, then. And no pain came in, this time... ...the weird fluttering went from one place to another, but only superficial--no point of entry. All the Lord's doing, preventing.

No idea, though, on the whole. That just makes two individual sources, is all. Each seemingly possessing the same odd effect, although there's absolutely no way for me to know anything beyond what the Lord allows...and all that's given thus far is just what's been recorded immediately above.

Many, much prayer.

If I'm going to have to deal with this sort of stuff, randomly and without expectation, the Lord will provide all that's necessary to resist and to do whatsoever He wills, along the course.

Especially given that tonight has served as a confirmation of prior, uncertain observations (tonight marks a fourth instance). Just...so very strange.

If there's anyone out there who's not given to complete insanity or tangent Christianity who has insight into these sorts of things, I'm sure the Lord will make a way. Unless He chooses to further instruct and guide, personally...which, really, is probably the better of all options.

I'm so glad He's with me. Seriously. It means I don't need to be afraid of anything, really. Being His means that nothing can or will happen to me unless it's through or by His will. And, as all things work to the good of those who love Him...and I am beloved...then, it's not a far reach to realize He's got a lot more incentive to seeing me well kept than even I'm capable of mustering (on my best day).

Just...it's really getting tiresome, dealing with some of these nuisances. Even as the Lord's preparing each and every one of us to deal with all we needs must as to overcome, then so need this be done. I am so over these things. So, so over them.

And, then, there's the fact that really...the only thing worthy of mention is the Lord's name and His marvelous graces. Jesus, King of all, Lord of all, God Almighty and Everlasting Father. Wonderful. Counselor. He who overcame the world, and who took captivity captive.

I know there will be other days, and He'll remain. Things will change, but He won't. And, even as much as He's prepared me for this moment, up to this moment, so is He preparing me for the next, even up to that very instance.

He has never forsaken me, and He won't. He's not a man, that He should lie. And He hasn't. And He doesn't. And He never will.

His promises are sure, and are yea and amen. And there's no one in whose care any of us should rather prefer, than His. He cares for us beyond our ability to comprehend or even to conceive the depths and breadth thereabouts. His love is all-encompassing. Our God is a consuming fire.

Hallelujah!

And, just to say...no matter who were to read--that He is "Our" Lord and "Our" God doesn't change, regardless of beliefs. Truth is true, regardless of acceptance. And Jesus is most assuredly the Way, the Truth, and THE Life.