So many things. One which was a fairly major rebuke...which had been brought up for a while, without comprehension...we are to be innocent of evil.
Romans 16
19For your obedience is come abroad unto all men. I am glad therefore on your behalf: but yet I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple concerning evil.
We don't need to know how evil operates. We don't need to comprehend how the devil works. We do not need to "forearm" ourselves for attack by means of studying his tactics. We don't need to know the devil to be protected against him.
Because the very next verse:
20And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.
God takes care of Satan. Period. We don't have to concern ourselves.
Arming ourselves properly doesn't entail taking courses on satanic methodology. Seriously.
Or, at least, none of the Bibles I've read have said anything in Ephesians 6 about taking up knowledge of the ways of the enemy, as part of our required arsenal.
Rather, everything is concentric about the Lord. Salvation, righteousness, truth, the gospel, the Spirit--the Word of God, and prayer. Nothing in all that about learning about the tactics of the enemy.
The only thing we need to know about Satan is that he stands condemned, he's been overcome, his works have been destroyed, and that he can do nothing except that God allows him to do so. Effectively, he's powerless, in other words--the only things he can do are things he's allowed to do, and even then, anything he does to someone called of God is going to work to their good as to God's glory (howsoever that goes, it always is true).
Just, this is such a temptation for me. Given particular experiences, these past many months...there's such a temptation to want to study the ways of the enemy, thinking knowledge of his tactics will somehow empower me to overcome. That...is just...ridiculous.
Seriously.
I mean, there's just such a huge temptation...to study demonology, as a means of "becoming empowered" to fight back. But, no.
Nothing in me, apart from Christ, can in any way overcome all the nonsense of the enemy. Period. I just get distracted from that, so often. I get distracted, and start thinking that if I can somehow wrap my mind around all the stuff that's going on in the world, all the evil that's being perpetuated, all the falsehoods invading the church, all the points of distinction in belief between various Christians, all the multifarious means of variance in Christian modes of actions, and so on and so forth, ad infinitum... ...I start thinking that if I can somehow get my mind around all those things, individually, then I'll somehow have some sort of control over them and be able to glorify God in either debunking things which are deviant, dispersing the darkness, or howsoever else has clouded my mind into thinking somehow I can have any sort of control.
It's absurd.
Seriously.
But when I start thinking those things, I end up looking at things which "confirm" those lines of thought. Not the Bible, in other words. Nope.
I start looking at websites which are talking about the fulfillment of end-time prophecies, and end up getting hyped up about the nearness of judgment, and start jumping at the thought of it all being over. Until the Lord taps me on the shoulder and redirects me to the necessity of being about His work, and reminds me of the horror of destructions which those who yet stand condemned are still facing. And reminds me of His goodness, and His faithfulness, and His love, and how great a blessing it is to serve Him and to serve others, in His name.
And I start looking at websites which talk about false prophets and false prophecy and the manifold deceptions which are in such manifestation throughout the world, then becoming indignant at the thought of how folks could perpetuate such atrocities and becoming fearful at the thought of being deceived and becoming upset even at the false claims made against truly God-fearing men and women and end up becoming prideful at being able to perceive distinctions of truth. And it's all a matter of nonsense, and gets worse and worse, until the Lord sets me back and chastises me for becoming prideful and self-satisfied and condemning of others, reminding me that it's only by grace that anything is even slightly apparent, even as it's not wholly so to any degree. He gently brings remembrance of the mercy He's shown me, and resurrects compassion for the plight of us all--that He's our hope for deliverance and clarity and insight, and better it is to pray for us all that He will deliver us all from delusions than for me to condemn others who are only a step apart from my own stance, even still. He is so good.
But I also start looking at all the people around me, then, in those moments when I stumble. I start looking at them and their actions and their speech, and start finding fault. I start picking apart the things which seem dubious, and start building towers of terror in regard to their potential for faltering...in regard to potential that their status is dubious, on the whole. Atrocious. Alternately, also, I start looking at those who are judged to be of a more spiritual state, in closer communion with God...and I start doing something which is now lamentably recognized as worshipping them, mentally, in beginning to fear their similar-type fault-finding as to my own state of lack. It's all terrible. Period. By the time I get so deluded as to wind up in these states of mind, the Lord speaks to me primarily through the Word, and even moreso as given through brothers and sisters in Christ...because, by the time I've gotten to the point where I've started pointing fingers in all directions, I've basically just stopped listening to Him, altogether, and it's recently taken the spiritual equivalent of a bucket of cold water over my head and a sharp slap to my face to even begin to bring me out of the stupor. A month's worth of continual rebuke and correction, with an increasingly sharp, burning sense of guilt and return to a deeper sense of humility in regard to my own fallibility, especially for so condemning myself through such hypocrisy.
Just...I've been struggling with the latter of these all. Period. It keeps coming back. And it's rooted in fear and in pride. And it's terrible. And there's nothing I can do about it except trust in the Lord.
Which, He's faithful. He provides. He delivers me. And I know these things are going to be overcome, because He has overcome the world. So, I'm not going to fret--that would be ridiculous.
This has to go, though. Pride has to go. By whatever means. Doesn't matter. It has to go.
So long as pride remains, being an abomination before Him as it is...? Yeah, no.
It has to go.
Only He can make that happen. To whatever end, as it goes. By whatever means.
Doesn't even matter.
The Lord humbled Himself to a degree beyond comprehension...
...I pray that He helps each of us to reach such a degree of humility, so we can each then moreso embody and wholeheartedly express His love to all those around us. Turning the other cheek, always. Always preferring others, serving others, loving others better than ourselves, in all ways. Letting our sense of self dwell only in Him, denying ourselves wholly, that He can reach others more vastly than ever conceived possible...through wholly yielded vessels.
We have to go through the uncomfortable situations, knowing He's with us. We have to bear through the difficult self-sacrifices, knowing He calls us to serve Him and all others. It doesn't always take much, but...doing things which "aren't my job," doing things which are just right in front of me but which others are responsible for yet won't be offended for being pre-empted in.
I'm just so tired of messing up so much in regard to others. I can't even keep myself lined out, period--only the Lord keeps me. Why would it ever come to my mind, though, that I can figure out where other folks need to be, though, when I can't even keep myself lined out?
It's but by grace, and that alone.
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