As is the case seemingly often, absolutely everything is in especial flux. All sorts of warfare in the midst of particular developments--of freedom and love and hope and peace and pursuit of Christ. And there are people whom I care very deeply about who are being sorely tormented.
I have been and will continue remembering them before the Lord and expecting His help (no one else can help). He's already been so kind as to bring to light something which otherwise would have remained utterly hidden, intentionally so--but through the work of one being used to protect His own, He did bring to light something which otherwise would have been impossible to find. Even if it perhaps seemed a simple matter to find, at the end. Which...if so, if quite odd--the whole deal was utterly a point of impossibility.
But He is helping and will help. Just, the opposition is vast. The darkness has congregated against my friends and against myself in beseeching the Lord on their behalf and per ongoing fellowship without regard to whatsoever attempted damage would be wrought. With special attack regarding other matters, thereby. I'm still incredulous of being accepted.
But however the Lord wills. I will trust the Lord, even if I am utterly shattered over the course. Still, He'll use that to good. So I'll love and serve as He gives strength and leads. And that's enough. I'm grateful.
Part of current developments has also entailed seeking the Lord regarding fasting. And I need time away from the internet, particularly. It seems as though from June to at least mid-August, but however He leads. Just...it seems likely there'll be that span here, too.
Too much distraction. Too easy to get mired in thoughts aside of pursuit of Him, given the lack of effortful direction toward Him as afforded by all the many points of interest to be pursued online--even of godly resources, then still it's not the same as actual time concertedly spent in fellowship with Him. And that fellowship is vitally necessary right now, for so many reasons.
Please, be praying for me and my friends. That He would be near and would direct steps and guard and guide by His peace. And may Jesus be with you all, also, whoever you are and wherever He finds you.
Our Lord is gracious and full of love toward us who seek Him and love Him, and He will guard us and protect us by His Spirit, according to the will of the Father. May He lead you in truth and guard your hearts with His peace.
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
Sunday, May 28, 2017
Saturday, May 27, 2017
Thoughts on Control and Persecution
Learning patience. Is learning trust, too. And dependence.
Because, humanly speaking (regarding fallen nature, rather), I want to know the end at the beginning. Part of wanting to be as God.
But, realistically, that's just not even feasible. We're not infinite. We're not eternal. We don't have perfect understanding. And our very perspective is so limited as part of being a created, finite being that it's just impossible for us to perceive all things as would be required to comprehend all things as unto the ending.
But, still, the lie that I need to know how a particular matter will "end" is especially tempting. I don't need to know what will become of me. I don't need to know what the Lord has in store for me. If I did, He would have been more specific to us all when making it plain that He has "plans for good" for us and that "all things work to good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." He would have given specifics rather than calling us to look to who He is and how He is and what His will toward us is, if He intended us to know each bit rather than intending us to trust Him. To wait and walk by faith in Him, rather than faith in our understanding.
Thing is, if I don't have peace in the Lord now during the uncertainties...I'll be just as prone to fall away to temptation to be anxious and unrested in Him when things are perceived as "known." The latter just being something of a further delusion, is all--except that He periodically and sometimes gives specific revelation regarding the way a particular matter will go, we just tend to equate apparent consistency in circumstance (i.e., routine) as being of a "known." But it's not the full truth of the matter regarding what all is going on at any particular instance, is the thing--we're all, who are in Christ, in a battle. We are not disjointed from the rest of the body, no matter how insular or isolated or disconnected we may seem in our own perception of our realm in terms of the whole of reality. That's pretty clear, given the terminology of us being "a body" and each being "parts" and there being absurdity for an eye or ear or however to lament not being a foot, or vice-versa as was used. And also regards referring to us collectively as The Bride. We each are the bride, and yet we are a collective whole, too, in Christ. Unified in Him and the Father, then unified amongst ourselves as well. Or not unified with Him at all, in other words.
So there's an especially weird disconnect evidenced unto me, per the Lord's grace to observe, when we pray for persecution elsewhere while being utterly blind to our own. And this is a very dicey prospect to discuss, given fallen nature's tendency to compare ills as though striving to be "winner" of experienced griefs, to trump all others with revelation of the greatest atrocity endured...while unconsciously undermining the griefs of all by at the least striving to place oneself alongside as equal, if unable to "win" the game. The things endured are grievous. The persecutions each to each and on the whole are not to be discounted or undermined.
But are we perceiving reality or simply bolstering our own sense of purpose by attempting also to take on the persecutions of another to gain sympathy, ourselves? This, too, is a mire.
Rather, can we not seek the Lord give us ability to perceive the condition of our brothers and of ourselves without some sort of worked up emotionalism...but instead with true empathy, compassion, and honest submission to Himself, of the while? We are to grieve with those who grieve, and we are to rejoice with those who rejoice. There's honesty there. Sincerity implied. Not the adoption of emotions, but the love of another sufficient to prompt genuine concern for their lot...unto grief or rejoicing, even, as the case may be.
He's the only One who can effect that, in a world so geared toward self-obsession and self-consumption. Self-awareness, moreover: Mindfulness to the extent of attempting objectivity rather than experience.
Unto disconnect from reality, in so many senses.
And the confounding thing along those lines, in terms of modern western appraisal of such disconnect is that "dissociation"--which indicates development of excessively disconnected perception of self from reality as to be effectively detached from reality--is utterly rife, given we're all so willfully disjointed from and irreverent of our Creator God (who is our constant sustainer and provider) that dissociation is actual par for course of living in our society and yet we only diagnose as ill those who are so dissociated from reality in capacities and to degrees as make interaction along societally accepted norms impossible...and along those lines there's increasing tendency to view Christ's own, who believe and trust in God, as delusional and dissociated from reality. This, amongst those increasing and vocal many who are realistically the most deluded.
How much sense does it make for someone professing atheistic beliefs to attempt to diagnose someone else of being dissociated from reality?, is the point. There's a blatant and vital detachment from reality to adopt that stance, is the thing, yet it's increasingly an accepted perspective...as somehow valid.
And that's the world we live in, in the west. Where control is expected and sought daily, of all things. We are perceived as having freedom to create our own reality and to be absolutely anything we want to be (including becoming "dragons," becoming "babies," becoming paraplegic, or whatsoever else we each deem desirable--entirely without regard for our design and created order). And rage is so present and barely restrained that an any instant, if we refuse to cower or compromise, we could be assaulted. I've had it happen once, regarding refusal to back down about being the Lord's and not needing nor wanting a man because of being Christ's.
And even if there's not physical assault, the spiritual onslaught is absurd. So I just don't understand why folks are so blind to these things.
The "persecution" here isn't generally physical. But where there's honest attempt to honor God and walk in His ways, there are spiritual forces that contract to attempt to not only intimidate but also destroy. All in the midst of a society which refuses to acknowledge spiritual reality, as a general rule. Even unto questioning a person's sanity if there's belief in the spiritual.
If we feel safe in this world (except for of Christ, that is), we're deluded, is the point. And I hear from those who attempt to make a case for us as Christ's having some overt directive to conquer the world and take back what's been stolen, and such like. But I don't see that in Scripture. What I do see is that we can expect suffering, even as the judgment of God begins with His own people--unto our refinement and even unto drawing many to salvation in Christ (the Pilot of our salvation: the wrath of God against sin was made evident and satisfied upon and by Him).
And what I do read is that we who are the called are called to share in Christ's sufferings. Period.
No way around that.
For Him to say we've gotta take up our cross and follow Him?...keeping in mind: this was said well before He was crucified and thus was probably taken as some sort of very strange reference to a method of torturous death and humiliation as was considered utterly and totally inconceivable to be referenced in any literal capacity...much as it's often considered, nowadays.
But His actual experience of carrying a cross unto death (and resurrection, we must not forget) was literal, thereafter. Which doesn't indicate literal crucifixion for everyone who follows after Him, but in keeping with the all of how He speaks and spoke...does indicate clearly that we will share in something of that same crucifixion experience in a very real capacity, parallel. Because He said what He said for a reason. And He told us to take up our cross if we're going to follow Him.
Paul even said he was crucified with Christ. Daily dying, even. That's not insignificant, coming from someone who was given of God to explicitly instruct others to follow after him in the same manner as he follows/followed after Christ.
And Jesus said we are to take up our crosses. Anyone who intends to follow Him must take up their own cross. Period. If we're going to follow Him, that is.
But if we know Him and trust Him and believe Him and walk with Him, we won't fear these things of persecution and rejection and pain (increasingly freed from fears, at least, as we increasingly come to know and rely upon God) because we will know that He guides and gives strength and/or provision for every step along the way. And it is merciful that we should experience these things now, unto salvation--children are chastised, as it were--rather than being let to slide through this life remaining given to our delusions, refusing Him and despising Him.
We are all in active warfare, though. Just on varied fronts, in varied ways. And if we aren't engaged in active battle, then where have we come to rest? Not to say the Lord doesn't provide and ensure times of respite. He certainly does. And blessed, sweet fellowship.
But we tend, humanly and of the fallen carnal nature, to stray from Him and become complacent and self-indulgent when we're not actively striving. Happened to the Israelites, and they've been given us as foremost portrait of His people and what it is to walk with Him.
Just, we all need prayer. Hearts breaking for one another. Aching, knowing the suffering--physical and mental and social...are foremost spiritual--being endured by many of our brethren, worldwide. But if we know Him, we know that He gives grace sufficient to endure, comfort in the midst of chaos. He is the peace in the storm. So we can pray even as we know He is true to Himself and will help in whatsoever ways necessary those who are His--abundantly so. Such sweet fellowship, in the midst of suffering, too. He is so gracious.
So long as we turn to Him.
So let us turn to Jesus, individually and collectively. And abide in His love.
He will give grace to endure whatever He places in front of us. Even as a testimony and evidence of the truth of who He is. Even as Paul suffered multiple stonings, beatings, rejection, mockery, and ultimately was beheaded, then, too, I know He'll give grace for brothers and sisters enduring much the same. And will give such peace in His presence as usurps the fear and pain.
God is kind, is the thing. We are not.
And we're actively being pressed on all sides by an unseen enemy that wants only to steal, kill, and destroy. So much greater the need to rely on Jesus, foremost and wholly! Much greater the need to seek to know Him and walk in the light of truth.
He can and will do this, as we seek Him and draw near to Him.
Thursday, May 25, 2017
Hidden (Song): He Guides.
He does guide through the many shadows. My continued existence on this plane of reality attests to that fact, especially given the many years of intentional wandering thereabouts.
Jesus is the victor. Period. The battle may rage, but the war is won. And though we are counted as sheep for the slaughter, facing death all day long...yet in these very things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. And nothing can separate us from His love. Nothing in heaven or on earth. Nothing. (Romans 8:36-38ish)
That includes ourselves, as far as I'm concerned. He's the stronger party in this relationship, and for those who do love Him...He will draw us and preserve us, despite ourselves. All things working to good.
John 1:5
New International Version
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
New International Version
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
New Living Translation
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.
English Standard Version
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
Berean Study Bible
The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
Berean Literal Bible
And the Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
And the Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
New American Standard Bible
The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.
The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.
King James Bible
And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.
And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.
Holman Christian Standard Bible
That light shines in the darkness, yet the darkness did not overcome it.
That light shines in the darkness, yet the darkness did not overcome it.
International Standard Version
And the light shines on in the darkness, and the darkness has never put it out.
And the light shines on in the darkness, and the darkness has never put it out.
NET Bible
And the light shines on in the darkness, but the darkness has not mastered it.
And the light shines on in the darkness, but the darkness has not mastered it.
New Heart English Bible
And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness hasn't overcome it.
And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness hasn't overcome it.
Aramaic Bible in Plain English
And The Light is shining in the darkness, and the darkness did not overtake it.
And The Light is shining in the darkness, and the darkness did not overtake it.
GOD'S WORD
® Translation
The light shines in the dark, and the dark has never extinguished it.
® TranslationThe light shines in the dark, and the dark has never extinguished it.
New American Standard 1977
And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.
And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.
Jubilee Bible 2000
And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness apprehended it not.
And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness apprehended it not.
King James 2000 Bible
And the light shines in darkness; and the darkness overcame it not.
And the light shines in darkness; and the darkness overcame it not.
American King James Version
And the light shines in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.
And the light shines in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.
American Standard Version
And the light shineth in the darkness; and the darkness apprehended it not.
And the light shineth in the darkness; and the darkness apprehended it not.
Douay-Rheims Bible
And the light shineth in darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.
And the light shineth in darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.
Darby Bible Translation
And the light appears in darkness, and the darkness apprehended it not.
And the light appears in darkness, and the darkness apprehended it not.
English Revised Version
And the light shineth in the darkness; and the darkness apprehended it not.
And the light shineth in the darkness; and the darkness apprehended it not.
Webster's Bible Translation
And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.
And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.
Weymouth New Testament
The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overpowered it.
The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overpowered it.
World English Bible
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness hasn't overcome it.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness hasn't overcome it.
Young's Literal Translation
and the light in the darkness did shine, and the darkness did not perceive it.
and the light in the darkness did shine, and the darkness did not perceive it.
And now...sleep.
He gives His beloved rest.
He gives His beloved rest.
Monday, May 22, 2017
Further Surrender: Willing to Wait, Whatever the Case
The thing about "things" (specifically, regarding relationships with other people as the "entity" in question at the moment)...is they're not ultimately beneficial, apart from Christ.
And there's so much impossibility and improbability--potential for all sorts of wreckage to be made, surrounding current circumstances.
It would have been far simpler, in my estimation, for the Lord not to have romantic love be a thing for me--especially given the difficulties being faced. On all sides. So I'm just waiting for the Lord, and that's all I'm going to do. To pre-empt Him would be all sorts of ill. And that's even knowing that I have no idea of anything, except that I need His constant help.
Especially in context of the all. Period. There's no certainty of anything to come. Loving someone doesn't equate to certainty of what will happen or even whether anything will--the entirety may just be of the Lord to prompt to pray for him, while also using the situation to teach me many things and draw me nearer to God, to further surrender. Really, apart from ongoing surrender to and dependence upon Christ, the whole deal of interaction (period: romantic or otherwise) is utterly and absolutely impossible, anyway.
That's just how things are: it's impossible to interact in a fashion that truly honors God, unless walking in constant, ongoing submissive surrender to Him. Which entails constantly accepting whatever comes, without requirement or expectation, as from God's own hand. And that goes against everything in me which is yet being surrendered to Christ's sovereign will, as unto conformity to His perfect submission to the Father (which wasn't without grief).
Otherwise, without that submissive surrender...self-indulgent inclinations would hold sway: Wanting for immediacy of progression rather than relying upon the Lord to direct my steps. Wanting to know the end from the beginning. Indulging in expectations for behavior and progression. These and other such things would take precedence in thought, in my heart, and attempt to rule me.
Which would be to the detriment of my love of God and walk with Him. And that's not acceptable. Period. Because I don't want to not keep Him first (I'd rather die). But He won't let me falter as such, gladly. Because He's a good Shepherd and He's in control and can do as is necessary to draw and keep me near. And He will do so.
But I had been asking Him these past few weeks how it's even possible to have relationships with people, when there's such innate tendency to idolize others by seeking to depend on friends, family, beloved for primary direction, encouragement, clarity, support, love, and validation...all of which is inherently to the exclusion of worshipping and serving and trusting and reverencing God as who He is. Can't serve two masters is all. Can't submit to the love and desire for acceptance of man to the detriment and exclusion of submitting to and loving God and still walk with Him at all well.
All my life, though, I'd sought the approval of others and my wellness and sense of purpose had been founded upon what others think of me--even when rebelling against those things, actions were per knowing others' opposition in such a way as still constituted being overtly influenced by it, thus controlled. In keeping with this idolatry, of all the "things" relied upon before turning to Christ, the one which gave perceived semblance of meaning to life--the one which has lingered most deeply as a point of dire distraction--regards serving others and being enfolded in community. I found so much meaning thereby, even if it was never something I excelled at finding and maintaining.
But the few points of contact were enough to sustain me through some of life's darkest moments. But by grace, still. And so very merciful, that I wasn't overwhelmed and utterly consumed in the midst of such idolatry and so much destructive living as was the case.
Anyway. I have been asking Him to show me how these things go. Since He's made me accept I've been basically lying to myself about marriage--somewhat having renounced it on principle after coming to Him, seeing it such an idol and having endured so much destruction per attempts along those lines...but also, seeking to control something beyond my control by rejecting it outright.
And also, I still can't conceive of being able to have family-type relationships and friendship which are healthy, having lived a life of relationship with family that's manipulative and power-based and destructive: There's always been the element of control, even if only the manipulation of speech geared toward maintaining particular image and eliciting particular emotional responses.
But I've been out of touch with family for many months now, for the first time in my life. I'm just beginning to see what sort of brokenness has been at the core of interactions with them: Compulsive and emotional manipulation and pleading isn't love. Avoiding difficult subjects but speaking in ways intended to shock and dismay and upset in order to prompt behavioral change isn't love. And, again--I'm still being instructed on how things have been, having been given the strength to refrain from turning back to them. So painful, but the Lord has been calming fears and comforting me in the midst of grief.
In the midst of also helping me learn what healthy interaction is, even. Gradually. Like with speaking truth in love, without expectation, without manipulative intent. But out of love, hoping in Christ. And sometimes this has entailed really difficult truths, too--all the more of seeking Him prior to so-speaking, then waiting for His lead.
And the previous matter of dependence and looking to others for approval--wanting to lean overmuch on others for all sufficiency, as not to be responsible for myself, and also wanting to be able to give over the responsibility for my own thoughts and actions per seeking others' judgment of same, for direction? It's seriously destructive, seriously idolatrous.
It's very unhealthy. Very unhealthy. Totally forsakes God, in fact, by esteeming others more highly, which thus also esteems self per having enacted the judgment call which turns away from God and unto others for direction.
That's a potential danger in fellowship, period. A sense of collaborative agreement can yield to the sensation of ability to discern what's right apart from God, so long as agreement is maintained. And, even further fallen, anything which ruffles feathers or disturbs the surface of the water can or might then be seen as ungodly, just perforce having disturbed the group's sense of consistent agreement. All the more is this possible in smaller groups, perhaps especially marriage--deciding that agreement is sufficient to constitute determination of right and wrong...but apart from God. Apart from abject and joint reliance upon Him, seeking Him always for guidance, preservation, provision, and direction.
This all is even potential pitfall regarding rifling through Scripture with particular intent, assuming it's possible to discern right and wrong without God's guidance and intervention even while the reading. If and when we do receive truth through His Word, truth applicable to immediate life...it's not by our own impetus or determination per determining particular words match up with what we perceive as our need for undertaking daily doings. No, but our need for truth is met as He gives light and clarity through and unto what's been codified, preserved, gifted. Otherwise we're merely on par with the Pharisees and Sadducees.
When He was said to have fulfilled the law, not coming to destroy it, there's idiomatic language that's lost in translation. From what I gather, it's a turn of phrase denoting right interpretation rather than so grievously misinterpreting as to "destroy" intended meaning. And yet there's also the current interpretation per English that strands, too--He did fulfill all the law, and He did not destroy it. But He did come as the Way by which we are able to know and discern and apply truth, as well. In Him, not apart from Him. Intimately related to Him, intimately dependent upon Him for all things.
And the need for His constant guidance to know right and discern truth and be loving is no different as regards reading Scripture than as necessary in interaction with others (all things, really). There's prayerful dependence necessary. He'll reveal whatsoever He reveals, if sometimes only the guiding during the moment of fellowship with no additional revelation unto and regarding one's own heart and part in the scheme of all things.
The whole deal of relation and marriage apparently has much to do with still loving Christ utterly first to such extent beyond love of others as equating to somewhat the exclusion of them. So far surpassing that comparatively love for others is nil. And I'm not quite there, but He's faithful and He's already done so much on this front that I'd never even known was necessary or possible (well, it's not possible for me to have accomplished these things, but He's God)...I rest assured knowing He'll do what work is good and right.
Leading and guiding and helping me hold loosely and walk surrendered to Him in the midst of loving others. All the while acknowledging and knowing I belong foremost to God's, as do others. So all the while surrendering self and my concern for others to Him, consciously remembering each and every concern is actually more properly His, not my own. Never my own, independently. Ever. Even if the Lord were to somehow ordain marriage, then still each concern would be His. And even if there were ever children, still they would be God's own and only mine as being His gift moment by moment for however many moments allotted. He gives and takes away. All is His. And He doesn't give or take with apathy, but with great compassion and concern for our nearness to Him--He is our greatest need, after all.
God is God. He sustains us. He has given us life. He has the prerogative to take it, too. And He doesn't begrudge grief at loss, but mourns too: He did not author the evil nor sin which brought disorder, disease, and death into being. These consequences were simply arisen out of breaking right order, as evidence of brokenness of function. Increasingly evident as order is increasingly broken.
All the more call to heed Him, if we love one another. All the more to grieve of sin, seeing the consequences. And all the more to give thanks that He's long-suffering toward us all.
This thing of marriage and relationships with others, though--He's not finished teaching me, but there's apparently a lot concentric of walking surrendered. Accepting whatever comes, without requirement or expectation, but just trusting the Lord and finding all peace and security and hope and love in Him. So whether entering suffering or joy, then we're still to rejoice in Him as remaining so rooted in and focused upon Him that pain sharpens experience of His constant loving presence and joy yields more clarion witness of His merciful goodness. Unto rejoicing, either way.
Along this line of surrender and submission to the good and kind will of the Father, it's possible and right to love without expectation. Meaning it's possible to love without attempt to manipulate into any sort of response, whatsoever. Just to love, serve, give while continually surrendering whatever else comes up--jealousy, pain, fear, discomfort, uncertainty...and did I mention fear?--to Jesus. Bringing it all to Him--the love and the pains. Because He's still and will remain the utmost of all center of hope, joy, love, and peace--not experiences, not the hope of fellowship, not the wonder of being loved, not the gift of being accepted and cherished: Jesus remains utterly the center of love. And He can and will keep in peace, even if while grieving deeply, in the midst of whatever comes. He's given me tastes of this, already. He alone can do this. And when He lets us see that we're utterly incapable of being and doing what need be, then all the more can we see our need to despair of ourselves and turn to Him for all sufficiency even in loving others well and rightly.
We're not capable of outmaneuvering the wiles of the enemy, either--let alone being able to put to rest our own inherent fallen natures. And there is active attempt to destroy. So all the more to rejoice that Jesus overcame and still does overcome. Thus, in the middle of uncertainty and of waiting upon Him to move, we can rest assured of His love and His provision and sustaining power through suffering, all while knowing His will is good and knowing He is ours and we are His.
Whatever comes, then, it's enough just to know He's faithful and able and willing and desirous to carry us through. That's enough. He is enough. More than enough. And His mercies are new every morning.
Those who are His He will keep. That's our hope--He is who He has said He is, and we can rest in knowing He will do what He has said He will do. It's not up to us to be strong to be knowledgeable. But He guides, leads, instructs, corrects, and preserves. For which I'm grateful: Trying to figure things out is not possible from a limited human perspective, especially when there's all sorts of madness and pain and suffering on the line--especially when there's opposition on every side and threats of all sorts of harm, especially to people cherished and loved. All the less do I want to rely on my own strength, my own understanding, or the understanding of others who are only human...no matter how well meaning...when there's so much pain, so much uncertainty, so much need and so little ability to see the all of how things have come together, how they actually are, and where they're headed.
I've had a lot of really bad advice over course of my life, regarding this lattermost: Some of it from people I have considered and still consider really godly and very close to the Lord. Some of it ensconced in terms of Scripture--references and sermons included. And I've let myself be led away from trusting God that way, time and again, because I thought that someone being older than me was enough to mean I had to take their word as being sound. I heard it mentioned not long back, a couple months perhaps, that there's the tendency to idolize people who are perceived as especially godly to the exclusion of testing their advice, but instead taking it for granted as being sound and godly. Especially if they're perceived as having a close walk with the Lord.
All the more reason to wait on the Lord and test things diligently, rather than taking anyone's word. He will lead. He does. He has to or we would be still lost and would remain so.
He protects, preserves, shields, and delivers. Into His love, foremost.
So whatever comes or goes, it's all in His hands. We are in His hands. And I might not understand what's going on, but I don't have to. There may continue to be periodic grief like nothing I'd ever known before, but in Christ (and even in fellowshipping and worshipping with those who are His), there's also joy like nothing I could have ever imagined.
So whatever comes or goes, I will trust the Lord.
In Christ, all things are possible. In Christ, things can change in an instant despite all the world being utterly dark and contorted and people abusing and abasing and mocking and hating outright. In Christ, love overcomes. His love is supreme, covering a multitude of sins and casting out fear. And He is sufficient to guide and preserve and provide through every need. He will teach what we need to know, bit by bit.
And there's so much impossibility and improbability--potential for all sorts of wreckage to be made, surrounding current circumstances.
It would have been far simpler, in my estimation, for the Lord not to have romantic love be a thing for me--especially given the difficulties being faced. On all sides. So I'm just waiting for the Lord, and that's all I'm going to do. To pre-empt Him would be all sorts of ill. And that's even knowing that I have no idea of anything, except that I need His constant help.
Especially in context of the all. Period. There's no certainty of anything to come. Loving someone doesn't equate to certainty of what will happen or even whether anything will--the entirety may just be of the Lord to prompt to pray for him, while also using the situation to teach me many things and draw me nearer to God, to further surrender. Really, apart from ongoing surrender to and dependence upon Christ, the whole deal of interaction (period: romantic or otherwise) is utterly and absolutely impossible, anyway.
That's just how things are: it's impossible to interact in a fashion that truly honors God, unless walking in constant, ongoing submissive surrender to Him. Which entails constantly accepting whatever comes, without requirement or expectation, as from God's own hand. And that goes against everything in me which is yet being surrendered to Christ's sovereign will, as unto conformity to His perfect submission to the Father (which wasn't without grief).
Otherwise, without that submissive surrender...self-indulgent inclinations would hold sway: Wanting for immediacy of progression rather than relying upon the Lord to direct my steps. Wanting to know the end from the beginning. Indulging in expectations for behavior and progression. These and other such things would take precedence in thought, in my heart, and attempt to rule me.
Which would be to the detriment of my love of God and walk with Him. And that's not acceptable. Period. Because I don't want to not keep Him first (I'd rather die). But He won't let me falter as such, gladly. Because He's a good Shepherd and He's in control and can do as is necessary to draw and keep me near. And He will do so.
But I had been asking Him these past few weeks how it's even possible to have relationships with people, when there's such innate tendency to idolize others by seeking to depend on friends, family, beloved for primary direction, encouragement, clarity, support, love, and validation...all of which is inherently to the exclusion of worshipping and serving and trusting and reverencing God as who He is. Can't serve two masters is all. Can't submit to the love and desire for acceptance of man to the detriment and exclusion of submitting to and loving God and still walk with Him at all well.
All my life, though, I'd sought the approval of others and my wellness and sense of purpose had been founded upon what others think of me--even when rebelling against those things, actions were per knowing others' opposition in such a way as still constituted being overtly influenced by it, thus controlled. In keeping with this idolatry, of all the "things" relied upon before turning to Christ, the one which gave perceived semblance of meaning to life--the one which has lingered most deeply as a point of dire distraction--regards serving others and being enfolded in community. I found so much meaning thereby, even if it was never something I excelled at finding and maintaining.
But the few points of contact were enough to sustain me through some of life's darkest moments. But by grace, still. And so very merciful, that I wasn't overwhelmed and utterly consumed in the midst of such idolatry and so much destructive living as was the case.
Anyway. I have been asking Him to show me how these things go. Since He's made me accept I've been basically lying to myself about marriage--somewhat having renounced it on principle after coming to Him, seeing it such an idol and having endured so much destruction per attempts along those lines...but also, seeking to control something beyond my control by rejecting it outright.
And also, I still can't conceive of being able to have family-type relationships and friendship which are healthy, having lived a life of relationship with family that's manipulative and power-based and destructive: There's always been the element of control, even if only the manipulation of speech geared toward maintaining particular image and eliciting particular emotional responses.
But I've been out of touch with family for many months now, for the first time in my life. I'm just beginning to see what sort of brokenness has been at the core of interactions with them: Compulsive and emotional manipulation and pleading isn't love. Avoiding difficult subjects but speaking in ways intended to shock and dismay and upset in order to prompt behavioral change isn't love. And, again--I'm still being instructed on how things have been, having been given the strength to refrain from turning back to them. So painful, but the Lord has been calming fears and comforting me in the midst of grief.
In the midst of also helping me learn what healthy interaction is, even. Gradually. Like with speaking truth in love, without expectation, without manipulative intent. But out of love, hoping in Christ. And sometimes this has entailed really difficult truths, too--all the more of seeking Him prior to so-speaking, then waiting for His lead.
And the previous matter of dependence and looking to others for approval--wanting to lean overmuch on others for all sufficiency, as not to be responsible for myself, and also wanting to be able to give over the responsibility for my own thoughts and actions per seeking others' judgment of same, for direction? It's seriously destructive, seriously idolatrous.
It's very unhealthy. Very unhealthy. Totally forsakes God, in fact, by esteeming others more highly, which thus also esteems self per having enacted the judgment call which turns away from God and unto others for direction.
That's a potential danger in fellowship, period. A sense of collaborative agreement can yield to the sensation of ability to discern what's right apart from God, so long as agreement is maintained. And, even further fallen, anything which ruffles feathers or disturbs the surface of the water can or might then be seen as ungodly, just perforce having disturbed the group's sense of consistent agreement. All the more is this possible in smaller groups, perhaps especially marriage--deciding that agreement is sufficient to constitute determination of right and wrong...but apart from God. Apart from abject and joint reliance upon Him, seeking Him always for guidance, preservation, provision, and direction.
This all is even potential pitfall regarding rifling through Scripture with particular intent, assuming it's possible to discern right and wrong without God's guidance and intervention even while the reading. If and when we do receive truth through His Word, truth applicable to immediate life...it's not by our own impetus or determination per determining particular words match up with what we perceive as our need for undertaking daily doings. No, but our need for truth is met as He gives light and clarity through and unto what's been codified, preserved, gifted. Otherwise we're merely on par with the Pharisees and Sadducees.
When He was said to have fulfilled the law, not coming to destroy it, there's idiomatic language that's lost in translation. From what I gather, it's a turn of phrase denoting right interpretation rather than so grievously misinterpreting as to "destroy" intended meaning. And yet there's also the current interpretation per English that strands, too--He did fulfill all the law, and He did not destroy it. But He did come as the Way by which we are able to know and discern and apply truth, as well. In Him, not apart from Him. Intimately related to Him, intimately dependent upon Him for all things.
And the need for His constant guidance to know right and discern truth and be loving is no different as regards reading Scripture than as necessary in interaction with others (all things, really). There's prayerful dependence necessary. He'll reveal whatsoever He reveals, if sometimes only the guiding during the moment of fellowship with no additional revelation unto and regarding one's own heart and part in the scheme of all things.
The whole deal of relation and marriage apparently has much to do with still loving Christ utterly first to such extent beyond love of others as equating to somewhat the exclusion of them. So far surpassing that comparatively love for others is nil. And I'm not quite there, but He's faithful and He's already done so much on this front that I'd never even known was necessary or possible (well, it's not possible for me to have accomplished these things, but He's God)...I rest assured knowing He'll do what work is good and right.
Leading and guiding and helping me hold loosely and walk surrendered to Him in the midst of loving others. All the while acknowledging and knowing I belong foremost to God's, as do others. So all the while surrendering self and my concern for others to Him, consciously remembering each and every concern is actually more properly His, not my own. Never my own, independently. Ever. Even if the Lord were to somehow ordain marriage, then still each concern would be His. And even if there were ever children, still they would be God's own and only mine as being His gift moment by moment for however many moments allotted. He gives and takes away. All is His. And He doesn't give or take with apathy, but with great compassion and concern for our nearness to Him--He is our greatest need, after all.
God is God. He sustains us. He has given us life. He has the prerogative to take it, too. And He doesn't begrudge grief at loss, but mourns too: He did not author the evil nor sin which brought disorder, disease, and death into being. These consequences were simply arisen out of breaking right order, as evidence of brokenness of function. Increasingly evident as order is increasingly broken.
All the more call to heed Him, if we love one another. All the more to grieve of sin, seeing the consequences. And all the more to give thanks that He's long-suffering toward us all.
This thing of marriage and relationships with others, though--He's not finished teaching me, but there's apparently a lot concentric of walking surrendered. Accepting whatever comes, without requirement or expectation, but just trusting the Lord and finding all peace and security and hope and love in Him. So whether entering suffering or joy, then we're still to rejoice in Him as remaining so rooted in and focused upon Him that pain sharpens experience of His constant loving presence and joy yields more clarion witness of His merciful goodness. Unto rejoicing, either way.
Along this line of surrender and submission to the good and kind will of the Father, it's possible and right to love without expectation. Meaning it's possible to love without attempt to manipulate into any sort of response, whatsoever. Just to love, serve, give while continually surrendering whatever else comes up--jealousy, pain, fear, discomfort, uncertainty...and did I mention fear?--to Jesus. Bringing it all to Him--the love and the pains. Because He's still and will remain the utmost of all center of hope, joy, love, and peace--not experiences, not the hope of fellowship, not the wonder of being loved, not the gift of being accepted and cherished: Jesus remains utterly the center of love. And He can and will keep in peace, even if while grieving deeply, in the midst of whatever comes. He's given me tastes of this, already. He alone can do this. And when He lets us see that we're utterly incapable of being and doing what need be, then all the more can we see our need to despair of ourselves and turn to Him for all sufficiency even in loving others well and rightly.
We're not capable of outmaneuvering the wiles of the enemy, either--let alone being able to put to rest our own inherent fallen natures. And there is active attempt to destroy. So all the more to rejoice that Jesus overcame and still does overcome. Thus, in the middle of uncertainty and of waiting upon Him to move, we can rest assured of His love and His provision and sustaining power through suffering, all while knowing His will is good and knowing He is ours and we are His.
Whatever comes, then, it's enough just to know He's faithful and able and willing and desirous to carry us through. That's enough. He is enough. More than enough. And His mercies are new every morning.
Those who are His He will keep. That's our hope--He is who He has said He is, and we can rest in knowing He will do what He has said He will do. It's not up to us to be strong to be knowledgeable. But He guides, leads, instructs, corrects, and preserves. For which I'm grateful: Trying to figure things out is not possible from a limited human perspective, especially when there's all sorts of madness and pain and suffering on the line--especially when there's opposition on every side and threats of all sorts of harm, especially to people cherished and loved. All the less do I want to rely on my own strength, my own understanding, or the understanding of others who are only human...no matter how well meaning...when there's so much pain, so much uncertainty, so much need and so little ability to see the all of how things have come together, how they actually are, and where they're headed.
I've had a lot of really bad advice over course of my life, regarding this lattermost: Some of it from people I have considered and still consider really godly and very close to the Lord. Some of it ensconced in terms of Scripture--references and sermons included. And I've let myself be led away from trusting God that way, time and again, because I thought that someone being older than me was enough to mean I had to take their word as being sound. I heard it mentioned not long back, a couple months perhaps, that there's the tendency to idolize people who are perceived as especially godly to the exclusion of testing their advice, but instead taking it for granted as being sound and godly. Especially if they're perceived as having a close walk with the Lord.
All the more reason to wait on the Lord and test things diligently, rather than taking anyone's word. He will lead. He does. He has to or we would be still lost and would remain so.
He protects, preserves, shields, and delivers. Into His love, foremost.
So whatever comes or goes, it's all in His hands. We are in His hands. And I might not understand what's going on, but I don't have to. There may continue to be periodic grief like nothing I'd ever known before, but in Christ (and even in fellowshipping and worshipping with those who are His), there's also joy like nothing I could have ever imagined.
So whatever comes or goes, I will trust the Lord.
In Christ, all things are possible. In Christ, things can change in an instant despite all the world being utterly dark and contorted and people abusing and abasing and mocking and hating outright. In Christ, love overcomes. His love is supreme, covering a multitude of sins and casting out fear. And He is sufficient to guide and preserve and provide through every need. He will teach what we need to know, bit by bit.
Friday, May 19, 2017
Wounds to Heal
He knows the end from the beginning. And He's actively involved in everything in the here and now, no matter how bleak, dark, and painfully horrific things seem. He's actively working all things together, for good. Though it appears as though everything is utterly broken, and is broken. Then, still, far deeper runs that scarlet thread which is the redemption He wove through His own blood, the inception and giving of His own life into the tapestry of creation.
Thing is, we can trust Him. He is trustworthy. I find in myself still an unwillingness to speak overtly and openly about trusting Him, actively and consciously. The last time I did so, in midst of group a month and some ago, there was some pretty sharp dissent. And even attempted conciliatory discussion of how "it's that way for [me] because [I'm] in a different place with the Lord." Well and good--so, then, where is everyone else?
I spent days in conflict and confusion over that, and a week later as much as recanted to compromise. As though there's not need to wait on Him for decisions, as though He's not actively willing to engage and endeavor leading us in the day to day and "mundane" as well as the "far reaching." Which of either "type" action is of what sort, to Him?
Is it more vital to Him to lead us in war than in endeavoring work? Is it more pertinent to our devotion to Him that we seek His will in which church to attend, but weigh things practically speaking according to logic and other worldly precepts when it comes to a spouse? And of finances? And food? And all the things?
People talk about being incapacitated by waiting for decisions. And about how absurd it seems to wait upon Him for "trivial" things. But either it's all trivial to Him or it's all relevant--He's omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, sustainer of all which is who knows all things ever to be from the beginning. So, either every single thing is utterly of no consequence and matter to Him, or it all is--He's sustaining it all, as it goes, and yet permitting those things which ardently defy Him, for the meantime till He restores all of creation to Himself.
So why would He not be pleased to be included in all things which are of any significance as any-ways necessary or convenient to life? He allows us the breath and sustained life to be capable of so endeavoring and pursuing, so why wouldn't He also be concerned with what ways our thoughts and inclinations tend while we yet breathe by grace?
Just, there's a disconnect. A major disconnect. And I experience it, still, when I find my heart catch on a twinge of fear regarding being entirely open about how dependent upon Him I am, and in regard to what manner of "trivialities." Even thereafter fearing that to speak on them as matters submitted to Him would then somehow be put to a trial by others, mocking. In kind with what happened weeks ago. And in keeping with what's been going on, of other matters.
There's even been insinuation (blatant enough to be caustic) that it's another spirit I'm heeding. We all have to test the spirits come through those who are our leaders, and those in which we operate. So it's good to test the spirit in which our companions persist and even momentarily find themselves. It's vital to do so, really. And especially of those which come to us, of impulse and inclination, understanding and "epiphany."
We're told we must do so. We've been told we are not to be deceived. Not that we "shouldn't be" or that we have to try very hard not to be. But in the same manner as being told we're to seek His Kingdom first, rather than financial, material, worldly securities and subsistences (food and clothing are as preliminary as you can get where goes security and earthly subsistence...)...we're told not to be deceived. To test the spirits.
Period.
And it's a pretty heady lesson to consider that one of Jesus's closest disciples, immediately after speaking from the Father that Jesus is the Son of God went on to speak for Satan. Every thought then has need to be brought into subjection to Christ. His work, though--we're pretty incapable.
He's willing, though.
There's just still also this disconnect which is part of the other discussed, wherein we have it in our heads to some extent that we have to do the things in our own strength, by our own understanding, as though we'd been left as orphans and just handed a book to guide us with instructions. He said we weren't left as orphans. We're not abandoned. We have His Spirit working in and through us, if we're His. If we love Him, we are in Him and He in us. And we will obey Him, as we abide thus. By His Spirit--not growing fruit of our own will, by our own means and manners and methods, but because we are in the Vine. Branches don't independently produce fruit or growth. And they don't prune themselves. Everything they are and become is from that upon which they thrive and draw all sustenance and nourishment and they are shaped by forces external, along the while.
Why can't we just trust Him? And ask Him to help? Why do we have to believe we can figure things out, apart from Him, still? As though He'll be proud of us, or something, if we somehow prove ourselves capable of doing well?
If there's good that comes, it's of Him and by Him. If we see truth, if we are aware of our sin, if we see how wretched and horrible we are (and, oh my, but we are so much more terrifying than we want to know), and how apt to inflict pain and wound and do dire damage...then it's only because He's allowed us, drawing back some bit of deluded thinking to allow clarity to realize the truth of our separation and fall from grace. But we're not our own. We were bought with a price. And His grace is sufficient. Period.
We don't depend on ourselves for salvation, nor can we for sanctification. Paul made that utterly clear for the church at Galatia, but we...oh, we still like to think we can do things that will help us, foster our sanctification, and do all the things. We so easily forget the grace that saved us wasn't of our effort, ultimately. We play up any impulses toward Him we've had, neglecting that we still are apt to sin--otherwise to acknowledge this would make it so clear that we're not the ones at cause for our capitulation, nor our continuation in grace.
He told Moses He would have mercy on those whom He would have mercy. He could just as easily allow us all to perish under wrath. And if things were fair, He would. If things were fair, as humans count fairness, we'd all pay the penalty for turning against our perfectly good and infinitely loving Creator and Sustainer God. If things were fair, He wouldn't have suffered and died, taking the penalty for our sins upon Himself in order to make a way for us to receive mercy while still upholding justice through His own flesh.
If things were fair, we would be in a state of existence befitting our wretchedness.
Instead, He's long-suffering toward us. And merciful. And kind--raining on the just and unjust. Enduring our hatred and allowing us to have it rather than to cherish Him. Allowing us despite that He would prefer that none perish.
He is good. He is loving. And He is faithful. He won't let us fall forever. He will use whatever comes and whatever is to glorify Himself, which benefits us--He gets the glory when we get boons we don't deserve and are delivered from impossible situations into peace, provision, love, and hope. When our faith and patience are steadfast, He is glorified in answering. And should He choose not to, He is glorified in sustaining us throughout. And in delivering us into greater peace and dependence, as created dependents.
He loves us. Why would He neglect us? But perhaps what we count as neglect is something else entirely.
And when we fear to do harm to those we love, we need to remember He's the strong one in this relationship. He's in charge. If He allows wounds, it's to heal. To know Him, in truth, and to rest in Him and trust Him and wait upon Him and walk with Him...all these are greater than anything which could come of life, otherwise.
He is truth. He is our sustainer and the lover of our souls. He provides, shields, and instructs. Where these things are, it's as He gives grace. To know Him is to have life.
Thing is, we can trust Him. He is trustworthy. I find in myself still an unwillingness to speak overtly and openly about trusting Him, actively and consciously. The last time I did so, in midst of group a month and some ago, there was some pretty sharp dissent. And even attempted conciliatory discussion of how "it's that way for [me] because [I'm] in a different place with the Lord." Well and good--so, then, where is everyone else?
I spent days in conflict and confusion over that, and a week later as much as recanted to compromise. As though there's not need to wait on Him for decisions, as though He's not actively willing to engage and endeavor leading us in the day to day and "mundane" as well as the "far reaching." Which of either "type" action is of what sort, to Him?
Is it more vital to Him to lead us in war than in endeavoring work? Is it more pertinent to our devotion to Him that we seek His will in which church to attend, but weigh things practically speaking according to logic and other worldly precepts when it comes to a spouse? And of finances? And food? And all the things?
People talk about being incapacitated by waiting for decisions. And about how absurd it seems to wait upon Him for "trivial" things. But either it's all trivial to Him or it's all relevant--He's omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, sustainer of all which is who knows all things ever to be from the beginning. So, either every single thing is utterly of no consequence and matter to Him, or it all is--He's sustaining it all, as it goes, and yet permitting those things which ardently defy Him, for the meantime till He restores all of creation to Himself.
So why would He not be pleased to be included in all things which are of any significance as any-ways necessary or convenient to life? He allows us the breath and sustained life to be capable of so endeavoring and pursuing, so why wouldn't He also be concerned with what ways our thoughts and inclinations tend while we yet breathe by grace?
Just, there's a disconnect. A major disconnect. And I experience it, still, when I find my heart catch on a twinge of fear regarding being entirely open about how dependent upon Him I am, and in regard to what manner of "trivialities." Even thereafter fearing that to speak on them as matters submitted to Him would then somehow be put to a trial by others, mocking. In kind with what happened weeks ago. And in keeping with what's been going on, of other matters.
There's even been insinuation (blatant enough to be caustic) that it's another spirit I'm heeding. We all have to test the spirits come through those who are our leaders, and those in which we operate. So it's good to test the spirit in which our companions persist and even momentarily find themselves. It's vital to do so, really. And especially of those which come to us, of impulse and inclination, understanding and "epiphany."
We're told we must do so. We've been told we are not to be deceived. Not that we "shouldn't be" or that we have to try very hard not to be. But in the same manner as being told we're to seek His Kingdom first, rather than financial, material, worldly securities and subsistences (food and clothing are as preliminary as you can get where goes security and earthly subsistence...)...we're told not to be deceived. To test the spirits.
Period.
And it's a pretty heady lesson to consider that one of Jesus's closest disciples, immediately after speaking from the Father that Jesus is the Son of God went on to speak for Satan. Every thought then has need to be brought into subjection to Christ. His work, though--we're pretty incapable.
He's willing, though.
There's just still also this disconnect which is part of the other discussed, wherein we have it in our heads to some extent that we have to do the things in our own strength, by our own understanding, as though we'd been left as orphans and just handed a book to guide us with instructions. He said we weren't left as orphans. We're not abandoned. We have His Spirit working in and through us, if we're His. If we love Him, we are in Him and He in us. And we will obey Him, as we abide thus. By His Spirit--not growing fruit of our own will, by our own means and manners and methods, but because we are in the Vine. Branches don't independently produce fruit or growth. And they don't prune themselves. Everything they are and become is from that upon which they thrive and draw all sustenance and nourishment and they are shaped by forces external, along the while.
Why can't we just trust Him? And ask Him to help? Why do we have to believe we can figure things out, apart from Him, still? As though He'll be proud of us, or something, if we somehow prove ourselves capable of doing well?
If there's good that comes, it's of Him and by Him. If we see truth, if we are aware of our sin, if we see how wretched and horrible we are (and, oh my, but we are so much more terrifying than we want to know), and how apt to inflict pain and wound and do dire damage...then it's only because He's allowed us, drawing back some bit of deluded thinking to allow clarity to realize the truth of our separation and fall from grace. But we're not our own. We were bought with a price. And His grace is sufficient. Period.
We don't depend on ourselves for salvation, nor can we for sanctification. Paul made that utterly clear for the church at Galatia, but we...oh, we still like to think we can do things that will help us, foster our sanctification, and do all the things. We so easily forget the grace that saved us wasn't of our effort, ultimately. We play up any impulses toward Him we've had, neglecting that we still are apt to sin--otherwise to acknowledge this would make it so clear that we're not the ones at cause for our capitulation, nor our continuation in grace.
He told Moses He would have mercy on those whom He would have mercy. He could just as easily allow us all to perish under wrath. And if things were fair, He would. If things were fair, as humans count fairness, we'd all pay the penalty for turning against our perfectly good and infinitely loving Creator and Sustainer God. If things were fair, He wouldn't have suffered and died, taking the penalty for our sins upon Himself in order to make a way for us to receive mercy while still upholding justice through His own flesh.
If things were fair, we would be in a state of existence befitting our wretchedness.
Instead, He's long-suffering toward us. And merciful. And kind--raining on the just and unjust. Enduring our hatred and allowing us to have it rather than to cherish Him. Allowing us despite that He would prefer that none perish.
He is good. He is loving. And He is faithful. He won't let us fall forever. He will use whatever comes and whatever is to glorify Himself, which benefits us--He gets the glory when we get boons we don't deserve and are delivered from impossible situations into peace, provision, love, and hope. When our faith and patience are steadfast, He is glorified in answering. And should He choose not to, He is glorified in sustaining us throughout. And in delivering us into greater peace and dependence, as created dependents.
He loves us. Why would He neglect us? But perhaps what we count as neglect is something else entirely.
And when we fear to do harm to those we love, we need to remember He's the strong one in this relationship. He's in charge. If He allows wounds, it's to heal. To know Him, in truth, and to rest in Him and trust Him and wait upon Him and walk with Him...all these are greater than anything which could come of life, otherwise.
He is truth. He is our sustainer and the lover of our souls. He provides, shields, and instructs. Where these things are, it's as He gives grace. To know Him is to have life.
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
Desiring God: If Love is God, Love Will Fail
If Love Is God, Love Will Fail
I was never any good at romantic love. I feared falling in love — being vulnerable with my emotions. I knew whoever I married would need to be a worthy man according to Scripture, but also someone I could fall in love with, and that second part scared me. As I dated my husband, two big questions hovered over our relationship:
Was he godly? Yes.
Do I love him? Yes, I do.
Do I love him? Yes, I do.
But it did not end there, like I had thought it would. Because I had overcome my fear of falling in love and “took the plunge,” I thought I had arrived. I thought we had arrived. Instead, I realized that, though I had fallen in love, I did not know a thing about true love. In fact, God walked me and all my fears about love through the door of romantic love on my wedding day in order to teach me about his true and lasting love in new and deeper ways.
Two Loves
There is a clear distinction between biblical love and romantic love. Biblicallove is unnatural to us, so it is always worked in us by the Holy Spirit. No one loves like God without God’s help. Romantic love comes more naturally to us, and therefore happens easily.
Romantic love is a good gift of God’s common grace meant for our enjoyment, and it is good for this type of love to develop into marriage. Biblical love is a different category altogether. At its core, biblical love is selfless, committed to truth, and driven by a divine work inside of us. It never happens unless we draw near to God in Christ. Biblical love can also be expressed and experienced in any relationship, while romantic love is exclusive — designed to be expressed and experienced (at least ultimately) with one person in marriage.
Romantic feelings only scratch the surface of God’s design for us. They give us a glimmer of the ecstatic feelings God has for us, the kind of feelings that lead him to sing over us (Zephaniah 3:17). Biblical love takes us even deeper into that wondrous love. Our love for one another models his covenant love for us — a love so zealous to uphold his covenant with us that he will die for us, even when he had every reason to leave us.
Death is at the center of God’s love for us, and death is at the heart of all biblical love. The covenant vows we make on our wedding day are a death sentence of love. We vow to die to self, in every season of marriage, for the other — to keep the covenant at all costs, doing whatever it takes to serve our spouse’s joy in Jesus.
God Is Love
This is biblically defined love: to consistently die to ourselves for the sake of someone else’s joy in God. True love is not based on feelings alone, but grounded in deep eternal truths. This kind of love comes out of who God is. God is love (1 John 4:8). His very essence and makeup and character is love defined. Because of this, we must seek our love for one another from him. In order to love our spouse biblically, rightly, and deeply we need the love of the Father to be infused in us.
In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis discusses this idea of love being a part of who God is. He mentions that when most people throw around the phrase, “God is love”, they really mean, “Love is God.” But he says for Christians, “God is love,” means, “The living, dynamic activity of love has been going on in God forever and has created everything else.”
Lewis goes on to say that this love works through us, and if we want to truly love as God does, we must draw close to him. Lewis calls this an “infection,” meaning that the Holy Spirit works a spiritual life inside of us when we get close to God through Christ. The Spirit is working in us to “infect” us with Christlikeness. As we love by the power of this Spirit, we share in the life, death, resurrection, and love of Christ.
Greater Love
This was God’s plan for our love all along. He saves us so that we might experience this great love, and then become channels of his love to everyone in our lives. This love happens inside and outside of marriage, but it’s helpful to remember that this love is the ultimate purpose of every marriage. Romantic love is not the highest peak in marriage. God gives us a love for one another far more beautiful and powerful than Hollywood love.
Marriage is God’s means for showing us a truer, deeper, and lasting love that is rooted in the divine, and it is also his means of imparting this love to us. In order to know and live out biblical love, we must draw near to the center of love itself. He will supernaturally work this love in us. Romantic love is for believer and non-believer alike, but biblical love is something that can only be experienced and expressed by a true follower of Christ.
The Power of True Love
The love of Christ working in us is the anchor underneath the rise and fall of romantic waves in marriage. The love God calls us to is a long process. It goes well beyond love at first sight, and focuses ahead instead on eternity. This love is a choice and a well-developed practice — a grace-filled, day-by-day effort. Biblical love is going long distance, whereas romantic love is often more like a sprint.
On my wedding day, I felt like I had finally mastered romantic love. After years of marriage, though, I now realize I’m barely just learning how to love. I always thought I was afraid of strong romantic feelings, but really I was afraid of dying to myself. I was afraid of true love — the kind of love that dies to itself, even after months and years of struggle and pain, in order to then rise again to a greater and deeper love. This is the resurrection power of faithful, sacrificial, joyful, biblical love.
Our marriages can share in the power of Christ’s death and resurrection (Romans 6:5). All we have to do is admit we are empty of this type of love, and ask for God to fill us with himself and his love. We must, as Lewis has said, draw near enough to him to catch the infection.
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