Having all the world come crashing down has a way of making dependence and trust in the Lord a life or death matter. Everything is far too complicated, far beyond even preliminary understanding, furthermore.
There's absolutely no recourse except to trust Him. And how many times was request given of Him to destroy self completely, that He would lead? How many times request for solitude that the only solidarity may be in Spirit? Even to turning all.
And yet I'm so fickle and so flighty and so fearful and so given to hiding and running away from forthrightness. Except that the Lord lead. And overcome.
So, hopeless. Hopeless, apart from Him.
I can't do anything. I can't even speak forthrightly. I can't manage to be present, mentally. I can't drive from one place to another. I can't get into and out of bed in a reasonable manner. I can't manage daily functions. I can't maintain anything necessary to life. And am utterly and totally and completely incapable of interacting with others in a way that's not harmful to them and myself. I am utterly and horribly wretched. And I want Him to crush every last bit of all this which exalts itself, still.
Because it's horrible. And people I love get hurt. And I get hurt. And it's dishonoring to God. And that's utterly unacceptable in the midst of a world that already defies Him. I don't want to be a reason that other people scoff and mock at Him. I don't want to be a reason that my brethren stumble. And except that He sanctify and cleanse and transform and conform, though, there's such continual irritability and impatience and fearfulness and abashedness and shame as makes a mockery of my own testimony. I can't in one instance be ashamed to acknowledge Him before others and in the next tell Him I love Him. Can't be ashamed of myself as loving Him, in one instance, and the next speak of my devotion.
These aren't to be so. And they are unacceptable. And I would rather pit my own stomach than continue in such a way.
But as with today, coming to that crux of determination...there arose a fear-driven impetus to speak willfully about Him. And it seemed just as wrong. I prayed and asked Him to direct me in what to say and how. Asked Him to guide and lead and give speech. And waited, willing to speak plainly whatsoever. Willing to ignore the fear of rejection for the sake of loving her whom I would have liked to speak with of Him, and for the sake of loving Him (who also loves her). Willing to speak and to ignore fear and to ignore embarrassment at seeming foolish. Which is wretched to even acknowledge, let alone to experience.
But it's so. And I despise it, of myself. But I await His deliverance and His leading, nonetheless. He has, He will. And in the meantime, I'm hoping and praying He'll keep crushing me to the point where there'll be nothing recognizable remaining, except for what resembles Him and His explicit will for my being.
I love my God, my Savior, my King. My Jesus. Or ours, as you will.
I do. And I'm tired of being knotted up in fear over rejection.
I mean, yeah, being physically assaulted for calling Him sufficient to be my husband, while attesting to love of Him...did definitely leave a psychological mark. But it's no excuse for backing down.
He will help me be bold and will help me be unabashed in proclaiming my love and devotion. Even as He'll help me in living these, in becoming loving and devoted...in ways I've never known.
I still feel as though I don't know love. I feel as though I don't know how to love. But I saw what He did. He let me see His own heart in that instant, and what was there was beyond comprehension. And unwavering. Even being so human in that instant. Absolutely devastating.
But aside of that, aside of Jesus, Himself...I haven't much known love. I've known what it passes for in this world. But that's not love. Not at all. Self-gratification and self-indulgence and arrangements of convenience and felt obligation...are not at all love. Or, if any smattering exists therein, then only by God's grace.
Jesus endured, though. He endured all my scoffing, my mockery, my rejection, my sneering defiance, my enraged resentment, my horrid embarrassment over Him. He endured all these, and my lies--self-deceptions manifest in so many ways, and otherwise constituting duplicity. He endured and took them from me, unto Himself. To free me from them. Then, why are they all so present, still?
Why is there so much tendency toward wretchedness?
If He's allowing me to see this, now, He will heal me. And if it takes me acknowledging my most shameful of all acts...being embarrassed to acknowledge the one I love in the presence of others--for fear of rejection and mockery and derision...to whatsoever extent publicly, again and again, just to be free from so doing? Then I am going to prayerfully proceed in so doing.
Because it grieves Him, and I end up a broken mess over even that knowledge. And it's unworthy. And wretched. And I am so sorry.
I don't deserve His forgiveness. But He does forgive. And I just hope and pray He'll keep me from this wretchedness and rewrite my heart not to be so fickle and faltering. Because though Jesus forgives, there are still real consequences.
I can't do anything. I have no idea what else to do.
Whatever the Lord's will. I can't do this on my own.
He will help. There's nothing else for it.
And in the midst of all things being tested, yet again.
However He wills.
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
My Utmost for His Highest, Feb 21: Spiritual Tenacity
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Thursday, February 23, 2017
Light Prevails, Love Delights; Zephaniah 3; Wait On You
The darkness is weird. When it mounts an assault, it's especially strange.
Forgetting to rest in the Lord in the midst of that isn't good. Not quite a week ago, that allowed for giving place. Infiltration per confusion, per unwitting concession. Under the preliminary guise of conceding to civility.
But there's no room for concession on that front, instead to be given entirely to the Lord.
What's so disconcerting on the human front of this all is the continual assault of being tempted to believe that outward expressions of civility are warranted in all instances. But...in instance, there's no room for being complacent on any front.
In instance, there's room for naught but steadfast, staunch defiance against evil. Not as a personal stance, but per course of remaining wholly given to the Lord's protective and unyielding embrace.
Otherwise, if there's a personal stake taken...in many instances there's a sliver of room yet yielded to an alternate attack from the enemy, whereby hard-heartedness can begin to come in as a requirement for attaining and maintaining a sense of self-justification.
We're not justified, in ourselves. As neither are we righteous, in ourselves.
Both are in Christ, alone, ultimately. And anything short of yielding up to that truth, in spirit and as a whole (to what extents He ever increasingly graciously yields)...allows for that dependence upon self which would also begin to wield weapons of the flesh against spiritual forces. Which isn't effective, ultimately.
A slower falter, maybe. Slower than the immediacy of giving place per unwitting concession to evil's presence. But no less a falter, ultimately.
The Lord can and does recover ground, though. He protects His own. Despite our efforts apart from Him.
There's no sufficient strategy to combat evil, though. Spiritual machinations are too nefarious and slippery--seeking any and all concessions, in the heat of battle, unto any immediate or eventual decline.
But the thing is, Jesus knows all about it. He's not slow to react. He's not slow to act. And He's not uninvolved. Whatever He permits, He does so as unto a greater good. So whatever ground might have seemed to be yielded or given over, per unwitting concession or malappropriation of resources or unwarranted leaning upon human understanding...no less will He nonetheless overcome.
In His own time. In His own way. By His will and according to His infinite wisdom and love toward those who are His.
He remains undaunted, no matter what's done. And no amount of trickery or treachery or taunting or tainting of processes can ultimately interrupt His designs. Period.
The gates of hell itself can't stand and did not stand against Him. Nor against those whom He has ordained to likewise act on His behalf, driven thusly by His Spirit and led by such and of His Word.
He speaks and there's no recourse but submission. Period. Nothing can stand against Him.
So there's no call for likewise taunting.
There's no need. My Lord isn't a sore winner. He doesn't gloat. He presides and prevails and reigns supreme, undaunted.
And He has no use for taunts or threats. He needs none.
His Presence is enough to strike terror in the hearts of any which would dare exalt itself against Him. To flee, then. Even to flee.
We can't strategize, as such. We can act as prayerfully is given as best appropriate. And we can trust Him and strive to know Him more intimately, seeking Him in His Word and through prayer and fellowship (iron sharpening iron, and even as with the Lord, Himself).
But we rest. We wait.
He goes before us and behind us. And surrounds us. Above and beneath.
On all fronts. Our fortress and shield.
In the fire with us.
And when He calls us to enter the very depths of hell, then He is with us all the while. And it can't prevail against us. Setting captives free, then? Taking captivity captive?
I don't know. But His will will be done.
By whatever means and to whatever end--immediate or eventual, but unto His glory, even as our good.
He has called us in love. And to love.
And yet not to have fellowship with darkness.
To walk and yet not be a part. To be other, to be His.
Led, daily. Moment by moment.
He will strengthen, He will sustain, He will provide. He will lead.
Even in paths of righteousness, for His very name's sake.
Preparing a table before us in the presence of our enemies.
Anointing us. To serve. Set apart. Dwelling forever with Him.
Goodness and mercy, forever.
And that's enough.
He is enough.
Far beyond any we could ever reckon.
Forgetting to rest in the Lord in the midst of that isn't good. Not quite a week ago, that allowed for giving place. Infiltration per confusion, per unwitting concession. Under the preliminary guise of conceding to civility.
But there's no room for concession on that front, instead to be given entirely to the Lord.
What's so disconcerting on the human front of this all is the continual assault of being tempted to believe that outward expressions of civility are warranted in all instances. But...in instance, there's no room for being complacent on any front.
In instance, there's room for naught but steadfast, staunch defiance against evil. Not as a personal stance, but per course of remaining wholly given to the Lord's protective and unyielding embrace.
Otherwise, if there's a personal stake taken...in many instances there's a sliver of room yet yielded to an alternate attack from the enemy, whereby hard-heartedness can begin to come in as a requirement for attaining and maintaining a sense of self-justification.
We're not justified, in ourselves. As neither are we righteous, in ourselves.
Both are in Christ, alone, ultimately. And anything short of yielding up to that truth, in spirit and as a whole (to what extents He ever increasingly graciously yields)...allows for that dependence upon self which would also begin to wield weapons of the flesh against spiritual forces. Which isn't effective, ultimately.
A slower falter, maybe. Slower than the immediacy of giving place per unwitting concession to evil's presence. But no less a falter, ultimately.
The Lord can and does recover ground, though. He protects His own. Despite our efforts apart from Him.
There's no sufficient strategy to combat evil, though. Spiritual machinations are too nefarious and slippery--seeking any and all concessions, in the heat of battle, unto any immediate or eventual decline.
But the thing is, Jesus knows all about it. He's not slow to react. He's not slow to act. And He's not uninvolved. Whatever He permits, He does so as unto a greater good. So whatever ground might have seemed to be yielded or given over, per unwitting concession or malappropriation of resources or unwarranted leaning upon human understanding...no less will He nonetheless overcome.
In His own time. In His own way. By His will and according to His infinite wisdom and love toward those who are His.
He remains undaunted, no matter what's done. And no amount of trickery or treachery or taunting or tainting of processes can ultimately interrupt His designs. Period.
The gates of hell itself can't stand and did not stand against Him. Nor against those whom He has ordained to likewise act on His behalf, driven thusly by His Spirit and led by such and of His Word.
He speaks and there's no recourse but submission. Period. Nothing can stand against Him.
So there's no call for likewise taunting.
There's no need. My Lord isn't a sore winner. He doesn't gloat. He presides and prevails and reigns supreme, undaunted.
And He has no use for taunts or threats. He needs none.
His Presence is enough to strike terror in the hearts of any which would dare exalt itself against Him. To flee, then. Even to flee.
We can't strategize, as such. We can act as prayerfully is given as best appropriate. And we can trust Him and strive to know Him more intimately, seeking Him in His Word and through prayer and fellowship (iron sharpening iron, and even as with the Lord, Himself).
But we rest. We wait.
He goes before us and behind us. And surrounds us. Above and beneath.
On all fronts. Our fortress and shield.
In the fire with us.
And when He calls us to enter the very depths of hell, then He is with us all the while. And it can't prevail against us. Setting captives free, then? Taking captivity captive?
I don't know. But His will will be done.
By whatever means and to whatever end--immediate or eventual, but unto His glory, even as our good.
He has called us in love. And to love.
And yet not to have fellowship with darkness.
To walk and yet not be a part. To be other, to be His.
Led, daily. Moment by moment.
He will strengthen, He will sustain, He will provide. He will lead.
Even in paths of righteousness, for His very name's sake.
Preparing a table before us in the presence of our enemies.
Anointing us. To serve. Set apart. Dwelling forever with Him.
Goodness and mercy, forever.
And that's enough.
He is enough.
Far beyond any we could ever reckon.
Zephaniah 3King James Version (KJV)3 Woe to her that is filthy and polluted, to the oppressing city!2 She obeyed not the voice; she received not correction; she trusted not in the Lord; she drew not near to her God.3 Her princes within her are roaring lions; her judges are evening wolves; they gnaw not the bones till the morrow.4 Her prophets are light and treacherous persons: her priests have polluted the sanctuary, they have done violence to the law.5 The just Lord is in the midst thereof; he will not do iniquity: every morning doth he bring his judgment to light, he faileth not; but the unjust knoweth no shame.6 I have cut off the nations: their towers are desolate; I made their streets waste, that none passeth by: their cities are destroyed, so that there is no man, that there is none inhabitant.7 I said, Surely thou wilt fear me, thou wilt receive instruction; so their dwelling should not be cut off, howsoever I punished them: but they rose early, and corrupted all their doings.8 Therefore wait ye upon me, saith the Lord, until the day that I rise up to the prey: for my determination is to gather the nations, that I may assemble the kingdoms, to pour upon them mine indignation, even all my fierce anger: for all the earth shall be devoured with the fire of my jealousy.9 For then will I turn to the people a pure language, that they may all call upon the name of the Lord, to serve him with one consent.10 From beyond the rivers of Ethiopia my suppliants, even the daughter of my dispersed, shall bring mine offering.11 In that day shalt thou not be ashamed for all thy doings, wherein thou hast transgressed against me: for then I will take away out of the midst of thee them that rejoice in thy pride, and thou shalt no more be haughty because of my holy mountain.12 I will also leave in the midst of thee an afflicted and poor people, and they shall trust in the name of the Lord.13 The remnant of Israel shall not do iniquity, nor speak lies; neither shall a deceitful tongue be found in their mouth: for they shall feed and lie down, and none shall make them afraid.14 Sing, O daughter of Zion; shout, O Israel; be glad and rejoice with all the heart, O daughter of Jerusalem.15 The Lord hath taken away thy judgments, he hath cast out thine enemy: the king of Israel, even the Lord, is in the midst of thee: thou shalt not see evil any more.16 In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem, Fear thou not: and to Zion, Let not thine hands be slack.17 The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.18 I will gather them that are sorrowful for the solemn assembly, who are of thee, to whom the reproach of it was a burden.19 Behold, at that time I will undo all that afflict thee: and I will save her that halteth, and gather her that was driven out; and I will get them praise and fame in every land where they have been put to shame.20 At that time will I bring you again, even in the time that I gather you: for I will make you a name and a praise among all people of the earth, when I turn back your captivity before your eyes, saith the Lord.
Saturday, February 18, 2017
Broken Society
Sometimes it feels like every single post starts with, "Things are so strange right now," or some variation thereabouts.
Seriously, though. Would be apt.
Though, if things weren't strange, I'd be bored and would end up endangering my life (even more) needlessly. Because.
Not in big ways, though.
And there's also the fact that the Lord is very gracious. Not that I test Him intentionally. Because that would be total idiocy. And He wouldn't quite stand for it.
May not sleep tonight, though. Probably won't go home. Probably. There's something I need to do. And there'll be no internet. So, time here and now.
There are just so many things, lately. So much pain. So much grief.
I don't even know. And strategy?
I don't like attempting to intentionally strategize. Used to attempt those sorts machinations in relationships of all sorts. Destructive. Impression management, even. So many things. All bad. Evil.
As apart from God's guidance. And defiant against His will, intentionally if without continually consciously regarding it so.
Why can't people talk, also? I don't mean talk in ways which are intentioned toward any particular, but just...talk? Why is there always something seen, thereby, as intended toward some particular?
I don't remember being in public being this odd. Yes, all the social posturing has kind of been a thing, regardless. But people don't at all make eye contact without it being interpreted to signify weirdness?
It's heartbreaking. I can't have conversation without inciting odd expectations regarding my intent. And that's been the case since leaving New Orleans. At least in New Orleans, of all the horrid depravity that there was there...you could talk with people and share a moment in company without their being expectation or interpretation of anything more than fellowship. Or maybe I was just blind to it being so.
So guarded. All of us.
And this all really need not be shared in this space online, but...it just highlights how deviant from the Lord we've become. No love. No compassion.
Loneliness and self-seeking. Self-preservation and consumption.
All defiant. And all the while, He would long for reconciliation into peace and loving fellowship with Himself. Yet we won't concede to acknowledge Him as who He is. As it entails acknowledging how deeply wrong and grievously errant we are.
As maudlin as thoughts are, though it's not well to do so, there still need be more writing. Whether shared or not, taking this party elsewhere.
Seriously, though. Would be apt.
Though, if things weren't strange, I'd be bored and would end up endangering my life (even more) needlessly. Because.
Not in big ways, though.
And there's also the fact that the Lord is very gracious. Not that I test Him intentionally. Because that would be total idiocy. And He wouldn't quite stand for it.
May not sleep tonight, though. Probably won't go home. Probably. There's something I need to do. And there'll be no internet. So, time here and now.
There are just so many things, lately. So much pain. So much grief.
I don't even know. And strategy?
I don't like attempting to intentionally strategize. Used to attempt those sorts machinations in relationships of all sorts. Destructive. Impression management, even. So many things. All bad. Evil.
As apart from God's guidance. And defiant against His will, intentionally if without continually consciously regarding it so.
Why can't people talk, also? I don't mean talk in ways which are intentioned toward any particular, but just...talk? Why is there always something seen, thereby, as intended toward some particular?
I don't remember being in public being this odd. Yes, all the social posturing has kind of been a thing, regardless. But people don't at all make eye contact without it being interpreted to signify weirdness?
It's heartbreaking. I can't have conversation without inciting odd expectations regarding my intent. And that's been the case since leaving New Orleans. At least in New Orleans, of all the horrid depravity that there was there...you could talk with people and share a moment in company without their being expectation or interpretation of anything more than fellowship. Or maybe I was just blind to it being so.
So guarded. All of us.
And this all really need not be shared in this space online, but...it just highlights how deviant from the Lord we've become. No love. No compassion.
Loneliness and self-seeking. Self-preservation and consumption.
All defiant. And all the while, He would long for reconciliation into peace and loving fellowship with Himself. Yet we won't concede to acknowledge Him as who He is. As it entails acknowledging how deeply wrong and grievously errant we are.
As maudlin as thoughts are, though it's not well to do so, there still need be more writing. Whether shared or not, taking this party elsewhere.
Friday, February 17, 2017
Entering the Darkness
He's been so present and active for the past few weeks, more than I'm accustomed of late. So many things He's been showing me. Bringing into the light, rather. Of my past. Of my sin. Of forgiveness. Of grace. Of adoption.
Of hope in the midst of despair.
Of trust.
And of love, foremost.
I had still been very convinced I'd known love prior to coming into right relationship with Jesus. And...there were contorted reflections, yeah, but...self-indulgent, destructive, self-serving. Lustful and grasping. Fueled by desire for distraction from reality and desire for worship.
Jesus isn't like that, though. He speaks difficult truths. Wanting to see wellness come about.
And He embraces despite pain. He enters into pain with me, willingly.
I was reminded, yesterday, of a movie that used to be my favorite--What Dreams May Come. And I liked the cinematography, very vivid imagery with surreal depictions. And I liked the overt reference to spiritual reality, despite the pervading weirdness of it all--totally not based in truth, with barely even glimmers of reality. Next to none, really.
But what I most liked was the stark devotion, unyielding and unwavering, of the redemptive love depicted. Entering into impossibility to redeem the beloved. Entering willingly, knowing all odds are against. Knowing self-destruction is fairly a certainty but refusing to forsake hope. And, ultimately, forsaking self for the sake of being with the beloved.
Entering wholly into the wretchedness and despair and depravity and total lostness alongside the beloved. Willing to endure all suffering. For the sake of even the most remote chance of delivering the beloved. But all the more for the sake of being alongside, no matter the cost. At any cost. And at the cost of self, entirely, ultimately.
And it was that last giving over, losing self entirely but refusing to forsake the beloved...that was what was so compelling. And was what turned the tide.
Driving, yesterday, thoughts of the movie were with me and just at the point of remembering that scene of loss and despair and refusal to leave...I remembered the lead character's name, heard it said at that moment when capitulation occured in the beloved, unexpectedly...just at the point when he fell prey, lost himself.
"Christy," she said--reaching for him in desperation, seeing him become lost. At that moment, driving past a sign for "Camp Christi," founded by a local church.
He entered in, though. Jesus did. He didn't hold back. He didn't stop.
He didn't withhold any part of Himself against entering into and enduring our sufferings. But came to be with us, in the midst. Alongside and with us.
Even to bear the burdens, Himself.
And out of love, He still wants to bear those burdens--our fears, our strivings, our griefs. Everything. Our hopes and dreams.
He is here. With us, still. In Spirit. Amongst us. His love has never left us to our own devices. He entered in, delivering Himself up to destruction so we could be delivered from it. Into His love again. Despite that we were even the ones to deliver ourselves over to destruction at the outset. His love covers a multitude of sins.
But that movie. I longed for that love. Wanted to know it and to embody it. Unwavering. Undaunted. Self-sacrificing. At any cost. Still.
It's a dream which hasn't died. So, all the more gladly to pursue Christ. And howsoever as He wills, otherwise. Even to love those He puts me alongside for howsoever long He sees fit and good.
Love doesn't cease when there's distance, even. Just...surrenders to the Lord and seeks His continued intervention.
And His light will shine all the brighter in the darkness.
Speaking with a woman who was a dear friend of my mother's about circumstances with my father, a year and so prior, she was given to say that being enshrouded in darkness then all the more will the light of Christ stand out.
A light which can't be overcome. A light which can't be dimmed.
And which can't be comprehended, exhausted, or discounted.
He is here, ever waiting.
Of hope in the midst of despair.
Of trust.
And of love, foremost.
I had still been very convinced I'd known love prior to coming into right relationship with Jesus. And...there were contorted reflections, yeah, but...self-indulgent, destructive, self-serving. Lustful and grasping. Fueled by desire for distraction from reality and desire for worship.
Jesus isn't like that, though. He speaks difficult truths. Wanting to see wellness come about.
And He embraces despite pain. He enters into pain with me, willingly.
I was reminded, yesterday, of a movie that used to be my favorite--What Dreams May Come. And I liked the cinematography, very vivid imagery with surreal depictions. And I liked the overt reference to spiritual reality, despite the pervading weirdness of it all--totally not based in truth, with barely even glimmers of reality. Next to none, really.
But what I most liked was the stark devotion, unyielding and unwavering, of the redemptive love depicted. Entering into impossibility to redeem the beloved. Entering willingly, knowing all odds are against. Knowing self-destruction is fairly a certainty but refusing to forsake hope. And, ultimately, forsaking self for the sake of being with the beloved.
Entering wholly into the wretchedness and despair and depravity and total lostness alongside the beloved. Willing to endure all suffering. For the sake of even the most remote chance of delivering the beloved. But all the more for the sake of being alongside, no matter the cost. At any cost. And at the cost of self, entirely, ultimately.
And it was that last giving over, losing self entirely but refusing to forsake the beloved...that was what was so compelling. And was what turned the tide.
Driving, yesterday, thoughts of the movie were with me and just at the point of remembering that scene of loss and despair and refusal to leave...I remembered the lead character's name, heard it said at that moment when capitulation occured in the beloved, unexpectedly...just at the point when he fell prey, lost himself.
"Christy," she said--reaching for him in desperation, seeing him become lost. At that moment, driving past a sign for "Camp Christi," founded by a local church.
He entered in, though. Jesus did. He didn't hold back. He didn't stop.
He didn't withhold any part of Himself against entering into and enduring our sufferings. But came to be with us, in the midst. Alongside and with us.
Even to bear the burdens, Himself.
And out of love, He still wants to bear those burdens--our fears, our strivings, our griefs. Everything. Our hopes and dreams.
He is here. With us, still. In Spirit. Amongst us. His love has never left us to our own devices. He entered in, delivering Himself up to destruction so we could be delivered from it. Into His love again. Despite that we were even the ones to deliver ourselves over to destruction at the outset. His love covers a multitude of sins.
But that movie. I longed for that love. Wanted to know it and to embody it. Unwavering. Undaunted. Self-sacrificing. At any cost. Still.
It's a dream which hasn't died. So, all the more gladly to pursue Christ. And howsoever as He wills, otherwise. Even to love those He puts me alongside for howsoever long He sees fit and good.
Love doesn't cease when there's distance, even. Just...surrenders to the Lord and seeks His continued intervention.
And His light will shine all the brighter in the darkness.
Speaking with a woman who was a dear friend of my mother's about circumstances with my father, a year and so prior, she was given to say that being enshrouded in darkness then all the more will the light of Christ stand out.
A light which can't be overcome. A light which can't be dimmed.
And which can't be comprehended, exhausted, or discounted.
He is here, ever waiting.
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Isaiah 11
Righteous Reign of the Branch
1Then a shoot will spring from the stem of Jesse,
And a branch from his roots will bear fruit.
The Restored Remnant
11Then it will happen on that day that the Lord
Will again recover the second time with His hand
The remnant of His people, who will remain,
From Assyria, Egypt, Pathros, Cush, Elam, Shinar, Hamath,
And from the islands of the sea.
1Then a shoot will spring from the stem of Jesse,
And a branch from his roots will bear fruit.
2The Spirit of the LORD will rest on Him,
The spirit of wisdom and understanding,
The spirit of counsel and strength,
The spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.
The spirit of wisdom and understanding,
The spirit of counsel and strength,
The spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.
3And He will delight in the fear of the LORD,
And He will not judge by what His eyes see,
Nor make a decision by what His ears hear;
And He will not judge by what His eyes see,
Nor make a decision by what His ears hear;
4But with righteousness He will judge the poor,
And decide with fairness for the afflicted of the earth;
And He will strike the earth with the rod of His mouth,
And with the breath of His lips He will slay the wicked.
And decide with fairness for the afflicted of the earth;
And He will strike the earth with the rod of His mouth,
And with the breath of His lips He will slay the wicked.
5Also righteousness will be the belt about His loins,
And faithfulness the belt about His waist.
And faithfulness the belt about His waist.
6And the wolf will dwell with the lamb,
And the leopard will lie down with the young goat,
And the calf and the young lion and the fatling together;
And a little boy will lead them.
And the leopard will lie down with the young goat,
And the calf and the young lion and the fatling together;
And a little boy will lead them.
7Also the cow and the bear will graze,
Their young will lie down together,
And the lion will eat straw like the ox.
Their young will lie down together,
And the lion will eat straw like the ox.
8The nursing child will play by the hole of the cobra,
And the weaned child will put his hand on the viper’s den.
And the weaned child will put his hand on the viper’s den.
9They will not hurt or destroy in all My holy mountain,
For the earth will be full of the knowledge of the LORD
As the waters cover the sea.
For the earth will be full of the knowledge of the LORD
As the waters cover the sea.
10Then in that day
The nations will resort to the root of Jesse,
Who will stand as a signal for the peoples;
And His resting place will be glorious.
The nations will resort to the root of Jesse,
Who will stand as a signal for the peoples;
And His resting place will be glorious.
The Restored Remnant
11Then it will happen on that day that the Lord
Will again recover the second time with His hand
The remnant of His people, who will remain,
From Assyria, Egypt, Pathros, Cush, Elam, Shinar, Hamath,
And from the islands of the sea.
12And He will lift up a standard for the nations
And assemble the banished ones of Israel,
And will gather the dispersed of Judah
From the four corners of the earth.
And assemble the banished ones of Israel,
And will gather the dispersed of Judah
From the four corners of the earth.
13Then the jealousy of Ephraim will depart,
And those who harass Judah will be cut off;
Ephraim will not be jealous of Judah,
And Judah will not harass Ephraim.
And those who harass Judah will be cut off;
Ephraim will not be jealous of Judah,
And Judah will not harass Ephraim.
14They will swoop down on the slopes of the Philistines on the west;
Together they will plunder the sons of the east;
They will possess Edom and Moab,
And the sons of Ammon will be subject to them.
Together they will plunder the sons of the east;
They will possess Edom and Moab,
And the sons of Ammon will be subject to them.
15And the LORD will utterly destroy
The tongue of the Sea of Egypt;
And He will wave His hand over the River
With His scorching wind;
And He will strike it into seven streams
And make men walk over dry-shod.
The tongue of the Sea of Egypt;
And He will wave His hand over the River
With His scorching wind;
And He will strike it into seven streams
And make men walk over dry-shod.
16And there will be a highway from Assyria
For the remnant of His people who will be left,
Just as there was for Israel
In the day that they came up out of the land of Egypt.
For the remnant of His people who will be left,
Just as there was for Israel
In the day that they came up out of the land of Egypt.
Monday, February 6, 2017
Truth and Denial
Taking a step further back, there is awareness of general human tendency to want to interpret "fairly" according to assessment of all circumstances. But that's a wrong approach. It assumes the ability to be objective. We can't attain to objectivity, ultimately, because of who we are...what we are.
It's the worldview problem that Jason Lisle talks about, really. We bring presuppositions inherent our worldview silently into any attempt to assess and analyze and interpret. Which is how science works, even--based upon the ideas that it's possible to observe and to seek for consistency in such a way as allows description of the dynamics by which our universe operates. But we're still not being objective--we're still subject to those same dynamics, all the while. And our understanding of them is colored by that fact.
When it comes to situations regarding people, though, things are that much trickier.
The field I'm in apparently "teaches" how to be "clinical" at master's level education. Which is how to be uninvolved emotionally, unaffected, and unimpacted so as to assess objectively. Thing is...that's not exactly sound logic.
Attempting to be something other than who and what you are doesn't somehow position you more appropriately to assess the experiences of others, because you can't be other than yourself. No point going further down that small thought trail--it's all just an off-shoot of that idea, no matter which perspective the whole deal is viewed from.
And at the core of that, as regards all the things...who and what we are is not exempt from being considered in context of who God is, or otherwise there's just a more fundamental deviation from truth.
From what I understand (which is pretty simplistic), you can't accommodate a deviation from absolute truth on a fundamental level without significantly detracting from the overall ability to comprehend truth. An error in analysis follows, always.
So, the more deviant from truth, the less ability to discern it.
Jesus said none of us can know truth. Can't even recognize it. The Spirit of Truth isn't in us.
Not until we come to Him, drawn to Him.
But either way, point being...knowing truth isn't something of us.
Human nature has been too corrupted by workings of sin to be capable of discerning truth. So any ideas about being able to "fairly assess" situations are going to be pretty off target--only as the Lord leads can we discern fairly.
And this isn't very well relayed...I feel like there are a lot of gaps, but I'm not inclined to fill them in right now. And there's probably a bit where I'm either borderline or over the line with conclusions. But whatever. One step at a time.
Working where I do, where "clinical interventions" are a Thing...this has all just been a point of prayerful consideration. My position isn't clinical, quite. It's odd.
And I don't care who pressures me to do so, I'm not going back to college. Unless the Lord wills. In which case, He would carry me through. Otherwise, I'd end up an absolute wreck and probably homeless. I hope. Better than the alternative of being conformed.
I've got enough a mess already from falling prey to so many worldly aspirations.
So the idea of clinical thought has been a thing pondered.
And more recently, thinking/praying on what the Lord has meant of us not being ashamed before others. Not being ashamed of Him. Which...prior to that, thoughts had been turned to counting the cost of following Him and doing His will, again.
My roommate had a guy friend over last summer who helped her start a small garden in the backyard. I spent time with them both briefly, but long enough for the Lord to give opportunity to somewhat discuss Truth. Not well received, but not outright mocked either. And conversation ended on reasonable terms. They continued talking, and I went to spend time with the Lord.
Saw him with some of his friends at a store not long afterward. With one of the (yeah, not very great but something at least) evangelistic-type shirts on, as was constant. There was the whole looking away, pretending not to see. And later, when away from his friends, he acknowledged me without fanfare but without further pretending not to see me. I didn't attempt conversation, though, seeing he was afraid someone might notice he knew me.
It's odd when people pretend not to know me or treat me differently around others, just to prevent people from judging them. Running away from interaction rather than dealing with that is much preferred. No less painful, either way.
And alternately, church people scare me a lot more than those of the world-general. So I do run from them a lot in order to avoid pain. I'm not ashamed of them, though. I'm just scared, sometimes, when anxiety is speaking too loudly. Which isn't good, either.
I know the tendency is still there, though. To mock or pretend not to be close to someone because they're not "cool" or "acceptable." It's not something I ever got very far into, more generally being on the receiving end--and I usually just dealt with the fact that some folks wouldn't speak to me when other people were around, just accepted it. For the sake of just still being able to interact with them, elsewhere, even if it hurts to know people think so lowly of you that they treat you like a stranger when the "cool" people are around, if they speak to you or look at you, at all.
But I did as much to the Lord, when I was young. A lot. Mocked Him with others, even. And I remember how it seared my soul the first time I did it. Or even like a white-hot blade to the heart. And a terror. But I did it anyway. Mocking my God and Savior, pretending not to know Him...in order to be cool, to fit in. And I was ashamed to acknowledge Jesus in front of others. And that sense of shame lingers, still, and I hate it. And the response has sometimes been to want to just act in defiance of it, belligerently talking about Him without regard for His leading. Just to defy shame. Just to defy the temptation to still deny Him.
The Lord has been dealing with me over that point a lot, lately. Because it's not really so much a loving thing to do, to pretend not to care for someone because others don't approve. Thing is, I know I'm wretched on that point. I know so much of my every self-seeking, fallen, prideful, self-preserving tendency is to save face in front of other folks whose opinion of myself I esteem more highly than the feelings of my Beloved...by either not talking about Him as He leads or refusing to acknowledge Him in their presence...or even by denying His leading and being defiant in speaking about Him with another spirit than that of love.
Fear is how it plays out, though. Being afraid to talk about Him and acknowledge Him. Because, (as with CCR) there have been sharp rebukes, snide comments as mockery, and a general rejection from even society, otherwise. All this, often regardless of whether I speak or remain silent of my love for the Lord, now.
Being in a different church doesn't mean people won't reject. Doesn't mean they won't mock. Doesn't mean they won't wrongly rebuke.
And doubly so, of the world.
But if I love Jesus, my Redeemer and King, I won't let the fear and the remembrance of pain and expectation of mockery or rejection control me.
I will honor His love for me and mine for Him.
And given He is so gracious and kind and understanding--long-suffering regarding even this wretched defiance which would so easily turn against Him who loves so much--I have been and will and am asking Him to help me acknowledge Him more openly, as He would lead.
So, still not just a free-for-all going around and blasting "truth" in the face of others for sake of somehow attempting compliance by being annoying. But lovingly, I want to acknowledge Him increasingly openly. As He leads.
Even being honest about such a wretched thing as being sometimes ashamed to acknowledge and speak of the One who has love me so much as to die for me is heart-rending. Grievous.
There's nothing quite like being publicly rejected by someone you love, is all. It cuts to the quick. I'm thus all the more grateful to know love covers a multitude of sins. Hoping and praying the Lord will help. I can't do anything except trust myself in His capable hands to help me.
I get so scared and overwhelmed sometimes, though...I run without reason. Too afraid to speak. Too uncertain, even. And I have no one to hide behind. I have no one other than the Lord to protect me, and unfortunately He's not physically present. So when I get especially scared or am especially hurting, I run. Unless He holds me still.
I don't know what else to do. I run to Him, which almost exclusively means running away from everything and everyone else (including myself).
But there's got to be a balance brought to that line of thought--remembering the spiritual is more vital than the physical, and more real. Otherwise, having no one other than the Lord can be a very desolate thing. Unless I'm actually remembering who He is and rejoicing in His presence.
Also, if I'm not remembering who He is, then I'm causing Him grief by considering Him less than enough. And He is long-suffering, but I don't want to grieve Him...because I do love Him. He's all I have on earth, except for momentary bits which He allots.
I have gotten caught up in wanting to have family, though. Caught up in wanting the daily companionship of others who know Him. Caught up in wanting people who love me to go home to. Caught up in wanting a place which is like home.
But I will have that. Someday. Hereafter. And I can't really allow myself to hope for anything other than that, as far as for here goes--it hurts too much, distracting just further and further from the Lord. Distracting further from resting in His love, His peace.
He will keep me, though. And part of initially confronting this tendency to shy away from public acknowledgement was opening this space to write of Him--at least to be publicly professing Him some way openly.
I miss the ability to wear evangelistic material on clothing, daily. And...well, He does lead me to speak of Him with others. And gives me the strength to do so. And the will to do so.
So maybe it's more a fear of denying Him that lingers than the actual act. But I remember the act and loathe it, in myself. And ever having been there, there's still the potential.
I'll trust Him to keep me on that count, too. And trust in His grace, for when I fail. Because I do love Him. And I want to love Him more wholeheartedly. And to walk more closely with Him.
But that's up to Him to work out. Even as from the outset, it's all been up to Him--except that I've been held still and incapacitated from running, I did run even from Him. And still would do so, except that His love constrains me and I can't bear to part from Him.
I depend upon the Lord to be well. And the more I've gotten to know Him, the more I've come to love Him, the more I've come to depend upon Him for all my emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, social needs. For everything. So turning away from Him would be all the more devastating, for being all the more His.
Yet that temptation is sometimes there. But I trust Him to help even on that front.
It's the worldview problem that Jason Lisle talks about, really. We bring presuppositions inherent our worldview silently into any attempt to assess and analyze and interpret. Which is how science works, even--based upon the ideas that it's possible to observe and to seek for consistency in such a way as allows description of the dynamics by which our universe operates. But we're still not being objective--we're still subject to those same dynamics, all the while. And our understanding of them is colored by that fact.
When it comes to situations regarding people, though, things are that much trickier.
The field I'm in apparently "teaches" how to be "clinical" at master's level education. Which is how to be uninvolved emotionally, unaffected, and unimpacted so as to assess objectively. Thing is...that's not exactly sound logic.
Attempting to be something other than who and what you are doesn't somehow position you more appropriately to assess the experiences of others, because you can't be other than yourself. No point going further down that small thought trail--it's all just an off-shoot of that idea, no matter which perspective the whole deal is viewed from.
And at the core of that, as regards all the things...who and what we are is not exempt from being considered in context of who God is, or otherwise there's just a more fundamental deviation from truth.
From what I understand (which is pretty simplistic), you can't accommodate a deviation from absolute truth on a fundamental level without significantly detracting from the overall ability to comprehend truth. An error in analysis follows, always.
So, the more deviant from truth, the less ability to discern it.
Jesus said none of us can know truth. Can't even recognize it. The Spirit of Truth isn't in us.
Not until we come to Him, drawn to Him.
But either way, point being...knowing truth isn't something of us.
Human nature has been too corrupted by workings of sin to be capable of discerning truth. So any ideas about being able to "fairly assess" situations are going to be pretty off target--only as the Lord leads can we discern fairly.
And this isn't very well relayed...I feel like there are a lot of gaps, but I'm not inclined to fill them in right now. And there's probably a bit where I'm either borderline or over the line with conclusions. But whatever. One step at a time.
Working where I do, where "clinical interventions" are a Thing...this has all just been a point of prayerful consideration. My position isn't clinical, quite. It's odd.
And I don't care who pressures me to do so, I'm not going back to college. Unless the Lord wills. In which case, He would carry me through. Otherwise, I'd end up an absolute wreck and probably homeless. I hope. Better than the alternative of being conformed.
I've got enough a mess already from falling prey to so many worldly aspirations.
So the idea of clinical thought has been a thing pondered.
And more recently, thinking/praying on what the Lord has meant of us not being ashamed before others. Not being ashamed of Him. Which...prior to that, thoughts had been turned to counting the cost of following Him and doing His will, again.
My roommate had a guy friend over last summer who helped her start a small garden in the backyard. I spent time with them both briefly, but long enough for the Lord to give opportunity to somewhat discuss Truth. Not well received, but not outright mocked either. And conversation ended on reasonable terms. They continued talking, and I went to spend time with the Lord.
Saw him with some of his friends at a store not long afterward. With one of the (yeah, not very great but something at least) evangelistic-type shirts on, as was constant. There was the whole looking away, pretending not to see. And later, when away from his friends, he acknowledged me without fanfare but without further pretending not to see me. I didn't attempt conversation, though, seeing he was afraid someone might notice he knew me.
It's odd when people pretend not to know me or treat me differently around others, just to prevent people from judging them. Running away from interaction rather than dealing with that is much preferred. No less painful, either way.
And alternately, church people scare me a lot more than those of the world-general. So I do run from them a lot in order to avoid pain. I'm not ashamed of them, though. I'm just scared, sometimes, when anxiety is speaking too loudly. Which isn't good, either.
I know the tendency is still there, though. To mock or pretend not to be close to someone because they're not "cool" or "acceptable." It's not something I ever got very far into, more generally being on the receiving end--and I usually just dealt with the fact that some folks wouldn't speak to me when other people were around, just accepted it. For the sake of just still being able to interact with them, elsewhere, even if it hurts to know people think so lowly of you that they treat you like a stranger when the "cool" people are around, if they speak to you or look at you, at all.
But I did as much to the Lord, when I was young. A lot. Mocked Him with others, even. And I remember how it seared my soul the first time I did it. Or even like a white-hot blade to the heart. And a terror. But I did it anyway. Mocking my God and Savior, pretending not to know Him...in order to be cool, to fit in. And I was ashamed to acknowledge Jesus in front of others. And that sense of shame lingers, still, and I hate it. And the response has sometimes been to want to just act in defiance of it, belligerently talking about Him without regard for His leading. Just to defy shame. Just to defy the temptation to still deny Him.
The Lord has been dealing with me over that point a lot, lately. Because it's not really so much a loving thing to do, to pretend not to care for someone because others don't approve. Thing is, I know I'm wretched on that point. I know so much of my every self-seeking, fallen, prideful, self-preserving tendency is to save face in front of other folks whose opinion of myself I esteem more highly than the feelings of my Beloved...by either not talking about Him as He leads or refusing to acknowledge Him in their presence...or even by denying His leading and being defiant in speaking about Him with another spirit than that of love.
Fear is how it plays out, though. Being afraid to talk about Him and acknowledge Him. Because, (as with CCR) there have been sharp rebukes, snide comments as mockery, and a general rejection from even society, otherwise. All this, often regardless of whether I speak or remain silent of my love for the Lord, now.
Being in a different church doesn't mean people won't reject. Doesn't mean they won't mock. Doesn't mean they won't wrongly rebuke.
And doubly so, of the world.
But if I love Jesus, my Redeemer and King, I won't let the fear and the remembrance of pain and expectation of mockery or rejection control me.
I will honor His love for me and mine for Him.
And given He is so gracious and kind and understanding--long-suffering regarding even this wretched defiance which would so easily turn against Him who loves so much--I have been and will and am asking Him to help me acknowledge Him more openly, as He would lead.
So, still not just a free-for-all going around and blasting "truth" in the face of others for sake of somehow attempting compliance by being annoying. But lovingly, I want to acknowledge Him increasingly openly. As He leads.
Even being honest about such a wretched thing as being sometimes ashamed to acknowledge and speak of the One who has love me so much as to die for me is heart-rending. Grievous.
There's nothing quite like being publicly rejected by someone you love, is all. It cuts to the quick. I'm thus all the more grateful to know love covers a multitude of sins. Hoping and praying the Lord will help. I can't do anything except trust myself in His capable hands to help me.
I get so scared and overwhelmed sometimes, though...I run without reason. Too afraid to speak. Too uncertain, even. And I have no one to hide behind. I have no one other than the Lord to protect me, and unfortunately He's not physically present. So when I get especially scared or am especially hurting, I run. Unless He holds me still.
I don't know what else to do. I run to Him, which almost exclusively means running away from everything and everyone else (including myself).
But there's got to be a balance brought to that line of thought--remembering the spiritual is more vital than the physical, and more real. Otherwise, having no one other than the Lord can be a very desolate thing. Unless I'm actually remembering who He is and rejoicing in His presence.
Also, if I'm not remembering who He is, then I'm causing Him grief by considering Him less than enough. And He is long-suffering, but I don't want to grieve Him...because I do love Him. He's all I have on earth, except for momentary bits which He allots.
I have gotten caught up in wanting to have family, though. Caught up in wanting the daily companionship of others who know Him. Caught up in wanting people who love me to go home to. Caught up in wanting a place which is like home.
But I will have that. Someday. Hereafter. And I can't really allow myself to hope for anything other than that, as far as for here goes--it hurts too much, distracting just further and further from the Lord. Distracting further from resting in His love, His peace.
He will keep me, though. And part of initially confronting this tendency to shy away from public acknowledgement was opening this space to write of Him--at least to be publicly professing Him some way openly.
I miss the ability to wear evangelistic material on clothing, daily. And...well, He does lead me to speak of Him with others. And gives me the strength to do so. And the will to do so.
So maybe it's more a fear of denying Him that lingers than the actual act. But I remember the act and loathe it, in myself. And ever having been there, there's still the potential.
I'll trust Him to keep me on that count, too. And trust in His grace, for when I fail. Because I do love Him. And I want to love Him more wholeheartedly. And to walk more closely with Him.
But that's up to Him to work out. Even as from the outset, it's all been up to Him--except that I've been held still and incapacitated from running, I did run even from Him. And still would do so, except that His love constrains me and I can't bear to part from Him.
I depend upon the Lord to be well. And the more I've gotten to know Him, the more I've come to love Him, the more I've come to depend upon Him for all my emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, social needs. For everything. So turning away from Him would be all the more devastating, for being all the more His.
Yet that temptation is sometimes there. But I trust Him to help even on that front.
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