Broken Society

Sometimes it feels like every single post starts with, "Things are so strange right now," or some variation thereabouts.

Seriously, though. Would be apt.

Though, if things weren't strange, I'd be bored and would end up endangering my life (even more) needlessly. Because.

Not in big ways, though.

And there's also the fact that the Lord is very gracious. Not that I test Him intentionally. Because that would be total idiocy. And He wouldn't quite stand for it.

May not sleep tonight, though. Probably won't go home. Probably. There's something I need to do. And there'll be no internet. So, time here and now.

There are just so many things, lately. So much pain. So much grief.
I don't even know. And strategy?

I don't like attempting to intentionally strategize. Used to attempt those sorts machinations in relationships of all sorts. Destructive. Impression management, even. So many things. All bad. Evil.

As apart from God's guidance. And defiant against His will, intentionally if without continually consciously regarding it so.

Why can't people talk, also? I don't mean talk in ways which are intentioned toward any particular, but just...talk? Why is there always something seen, thereby, as intended toward some particular?

I don't remember being in public being this odd. Yes, all the social posturing has kind of been a thing, regardless. But people don't at all make eye contact without it being interpreted to signify weirdness?

It's heartbreaking. I can't have conversation without inciting odd expectations regarding my intent. And that's been the case since leaving New Orleans. At least in New Orleans, of all the horrid depravity that there was there...you could talk with people and share a moment in company without their being expectation or interpretation of anything more than fellowship. Or maybe I was just blind to it being so.

So guarded. All of us.

And this all really need not be shared in this space online, but...it just highlights how deviant from the Lord we've become. No love. No compassion.
Loneliness and self-seeking. Self-preservation and consumption.

All defiant. And all the while, He would long for reconciliation into peace and loving fellowship with Himself. Yet we won't concede to acknowledge Him as who He is. As it entails acknowledging how deeply wrong and grievously errant we are.

As maudlin as thoughts are, though it's not well to do so, there still need be more writing. Whether shared or not, taking this party elsewhere.