Everything is so strange, right now. Completely in suspension.
Striving unto holiness, striving unto Christ is the most blessed and demanding pursuit. Many difficulties. Many. Yet, the things which have been the most difficult have driven me further to rely upon Him. There's no alternative, in those moments of abject pain and uncertainty. Nothing within me, of my own will or ability, is capable of weathering such storms.
Prior to coming to know Christ, efforts would hold up for a while, but under continued stress (which was constant) and recurrent trauma (which was regular)...constant unraveling would occur. Continual breakdown. Perpetual uncertainty.
Such a distorted path to travel--always conceiving everything and anything possible, given enough motivation and effort, while continually falling apart under the strain of unrelenting chaos and destruction.
