When Temptation Comes: Reflecting Upon Egypt & The Wilderness, Even Unto Praise...

Sitting, being tempted for a moment. Sometimes these thoughts come. Thoughts of going back to things I once relished--thoughts that those things would once again be somehow enjoyable.

The nature of temptation is to lie.

The present vein regards karaoke. Alcohol.

And since I have to endure the temptation, at least momentarily, it seemed well to elaborate on the process, as it seems to go...having only gone a certain extent privately, thus far.

It usually goes as this...

...tempted to think upon what it would be to spend an evening in such dark revelry as once there was. "For fun." Just to go.

And there's a very mild fear which rises up just at that thought, alongside the temptation to do such a thing--fear that I might be able to actually enjoy such depravity as once was the norm.

So, a two fold temptation, from the outset. Temptation to fear, temptation unto depravity.

Because it's not merely an alcoholic beverage that's the temptation, but the entire course of what once comprised many regular nights.

The thing is, though...

Blessed Respite: Briefly Noted

Everything has changed, again. By grace.

Still so much need for humility, for a greater awareness of and responsiveness to the needs of others, above self. Yet, the experience of being loved is increasingly humbling.

For being unconditional. For being so unworthy of such unconditional love. Yet being unconditionally loved, nonetheless.

Enough so as that everything would be changed.

There's an awareness, simultaneously arisen, that even as this moment here and now is one of solace, refuge, fellowship, growth...sanctuary in His love..

..then, still, circumstances aren't the peace. Circumstances aren't the joy. Nor the comfort. Nor what succours.

He does. Christ, my Lord. Our Lord.

Not circumstances.

Not even so blessedly comforting and serene as He has made way, for the moment. I could weep, for the sheer blessedness and gratitude wrought of such release, such a relief--even momentary.

He knows our needs, so much more deeply, precisely, and lovingly than we could ever contrive to imagine or conceive. And He tends them, so gently, thoroughly, compassionately, and with such loving grace, such mercy.

We are all so unworthy. We've all done so many things, so many, many things...which absolutely defy Him, mocking even His goodness and love--so pure and holy is He, in all His ways, as any such act seemingly even so slight is all the more horrendous for so sharp as infinite contrast. Such travesty.

Absolute travesty.

And, yet He loves.

And provides.

Unceasingly.
Unwaveringly.
Eternally.
Faithfully.

As He is, has been, and always will be.

So, this moment, now...with all the world held strangely at bay by the indomitable force of His will, as a moment of rest, in grace and buffeted by His love on all sides...

...is so deep a comfort, so severe a mercy...

I could weep, for the absolute depth of such an experience of love unimaginable, compassion and concern inconceivable, for one so wretched as me. That, yet, He loves.

Each of us. And the pastor said that these matters are not even the barest tip of the iceberg, in terms of the riches of His grace.

How it makes me long to trust Him absolutely! Trust Him unwaveringly, unceasingly to love Him to all depths and heights of possibility!

For He is worthy. He is worthy!

He is so good, so kind. So gentle. So loving.

That He would even condescend to melt a heart of stone, that it might love and experience love and joy.

Everything has changed, again. Everything is changing.

And it's all Him.