Humbled in His Wake

So many things going on, right now. (Always, yeah...)

Moving again, day after next. A month in the place I presently am, not having intended to move here (hoping, but not knowing how nor when it might be possible). And in two days, I will have a room of my own. Officially.

And yet every time I begin to get caught in thoughts of what might be enjoyable for accumulation, I'm reminded it's not for me. Not for me, to give in to those cravings as to make plans to accumulate or beautify. Or even to make plans, in terms of tenure.

I can only know, for now, that I'll be moving in on Monday. And I know it's a year's lease, but that doesn't serve as my security in terms of being assured I'll be there for a year. Explicitly because my position, my placement, my location...are wholly dependent upon the Lord's will. Meaning that, were He to have planned that I move, it would be so.

Same as even with the move a month ago, for instance.

Even so recently, still...the movement has been so rapid, there's a struggle to grasp details fully.

I came to church. Spent time talking, after church. Ended up spending the night with a couple friends.

It was fine to stay over. And then there was talk of staying till Tuesday, to celebrate the birthday of one of my sisters in Christ...perhaps even to assist with set-up and planning. But on Monday, I was invited to accompany one friend's mother to Georgia, to assist a move.

The Lord had made circumstances coordinate such that it was possible to go without feeling a burden for having been absent so long. So I went, to assist in whatever way seemed possible. No idea whether that was successful, but it certainly assisted me.

A Longing to Approach

We need to come awake. To reality.

People yet deny His existence. Rationalizing it a million ways and back, as though mere rationalization after the fact of having decided a wrong course then somehow makes it valid.

Not so.

A thing is and then might find explanation (according to His order is it so).

But not the other way around. Our words don't create reality.

And no matter how far we might go with any projected attempt at becoming so, yet still, we are not our own creators. Thus, nor the ones who control our destiny.

You created yourself no more than I did. Thus, neither are we ever capable of doing so, no matter how deep the attempt might reach as to rationalize it so or attempt a facade enacted per such course attempted, after the fact ever of being born.

Attempted Stability...And Then, There Was Christ.

This may not last long, but there's a moment presently afforded to peace.

Everything is so strange, right now. Completely in suspension.

Striving unto holiness, striving unto Christ is the most blessed and demanding pursuit. Many difficulties. Many. Yet, the things which have been the most difficult have driven me further to rely upon Him. There's no alternative, in those moments of abject pain and uncertainty. Nothing within me, of my own will or ability, is capable of weathering such storms.

Prior to coming to know Christ, efforts would hold up for a while, but under continued stress (which was constant) and recurrent trauma (which was regular)...constant unraveling would occur. Continual breakdown. Perpetual uncertainty.

Such a distorted path to travel--always conceiving everything and anything possible, given enough motivation and effort, while continually falling apart under the strain of unrelenting chaos and destruction.