Preliminary Perusal of Practicality

Learning to witness. What it means. No longer being completely held sway of by fear...for having a clearer picture of Christ, alone.

There's a pervasive and persistent dichotomy which absolutely vexes me, though. And as it's something that exists within me, then it stands to reason (as according to Scripture, even) that others struggle with the same.

Comes and goes, though. As though walking in two worlds, when in actuality they're one.

He doesn't exist separate from us. We exist in Him. Period. All things subsist in Him, ever having been created by Christ...by the living Word of God. God Himself.

No separation.

So, why then do those moments still come on as though somehow He is of another realm?...as though, somehow, dealing with taxes...or buying groceries...or being in public...or going online...

...is somehow distinctly separate from...not His purview, per se...but from even so much an acknowledgment as there is of His sovereignty in moments of worship, devotion, study. Prayer.

Church. Such awareness of and desirous of subjection to His Presence, conscious.

There is not a separate sphere, is all. He is to be revered, regardless of circumstance--He's no less a part of ordering at McDonald's than He is of entering into the benediction. Yet, somehow, each and every bit of interaction isn't maintained per such a view to His Presence and sovereignty and omnipresence and omnipotence and will.



Does that sound at all absurd to you?

Then...why?..or why not--just let us meditate on this!--On Him!

I'm struggling, is all...but with the Lord's help, in even desiring to more fully acknowledge Him throughout all aspects of every moment of life. Work, primarily, has been the off-putting factor. A new field of experience--becoming able to serve Him with awareness, in such capacity.

Strategy doesn't work for me, is all--I can't just set a plan and keep it. Partially because of traumatic brain injury (best I can figure) which affects memory and basic mental processes. Partially just because it's the way of things, now, regardless the reason. As soon as a "plan" enters my mind, it pretty much evaporates. And reminders don't help, in general.

I can only trust and pray that the Lord will  (continue to) lead. And, as becoming increasingly aware of how much and how vast is the limitation, in truth...I'm becoming increasingly aware of the grace He's lavished upon me, in keeping and leading and directing me.. ..even prior to conversion, quite frankly. In so many ways:

I could write down a million things, attempting to plan...and they all become equal, near immediately upon passage--priority fades, urgency fades. And...looking back at so many instances, in terms of jobs...I know it was grace,that all went as it did for so long as it did. Only, so blasphemous as it was then, I used to put my stock in "trusting my subconscious" to guide...as an "internal spiritual director," moreover. It was grace.

Blind to it, all the while.

That's the thing, though. We're all blind. Just to varying degrees.

The dichotomous sense of reality is a sort of spiritual blindness--yet prideful and relying upon self, is all. But it will not be tolerated: just as it's possible to pray about and...knowing He's good, trusting He'll eradicate what yet exalts itself against Him--having made it apparent unto prayer...then it will not be tolerated, according to His goodness and mercies.

All is cyclic, in that capacity. Unto further sanctification.

Oh, it's so odd to write in this way, again. Half-phrased, partially constructed thoughts. And it's been building to this for months. And I don't understand it, but as it is, then so it is.

And so be it.

Another bit, along this same line...

...there is yet a fear...of drawing too near to Him, as would require even further incapacitation of self. Even unto further realization of incapacity, moreover. Such that, oft, seemingly there's no desire. But fear wrought.

But no...

...let His name be exalted. We are nothing, except that we are in Him, in whom we become nothing for sake of loving and knowing Him as all. So let Him work what He will, to His glory. yes, to the praise of the glory of His grace

That He would take what the world rejects and mocks and scorns--what the world considers dross and loss and refuse...

...and purify it, unto a jewel for His own crown...

...refining, even unto the working of silver, the trying of gold...faith, as gold purified in the fire..

...to His glory.

To the praise of His name, the knowledge of His sovereignty, the desire for His will being done...

...using that which is broken, made new to His purpose, according to His loving pleasure, His goodwill, and endless mercies.

Revealing Himself unto simpletons and babes, while the wise of the world blindly mock, working wrath unto themselves. Even unto the praise of His glory, no less.

Yet blind.

That's the part which gets me, so often. Knowing Him means trusting Him explicitly and implicitly, and yet there's been this duplicitousness of late, worked out through me, in terms of giving in to anxieties and fears and self-consumption unto absolute unkindness, in moments (for it's the heart which matters, not even that which is enacted...and even the intonations of words have barbs, looks have blades). And I have been wretched. Even as I am, in all ways, except that He keeps me.

Which is just to say...

Except that He directs every moment, every thought being brought into captivity to Christ, i fumble unto falling. There is no part of me which can maintain any semblance of well-being and goodness and kindness and love...except...as fully abiding in Him. Constantly.

And the part of that which rankles flesh all the most is that I am incapable of such a thing. He must do it, in and through and of me, or it cannot and will not be done.

Period.

So...knowing that is what is necessary...I pray that He will do it and continue it in and through me. Knowing only He is capable of making it and keeping it so. Period.

There's no "I managed to maintain and remain diligent for (insert any span time) this time! I'm doing so much better!"

Yeah, no.

Not even a little bit.

If there is any good...whatsoever...

it's only by grace--per His unmerited favor being lavished upon us.

And of mercy.

Otherwise we're only working evil. Not good. Anything and everything wrought outside of Christ...

...and this is the part which absolutely enrages the flesh, so as to make it want to utterly reject such an idea merely upon premise that it might even be so...

...everything wrought outside of Christ...is unto death.

Not good. Not a help. Not a benefit. Whatsoever. Period.


The flesh can only corrupt, no matter how "good" its intentions. Period.

The flesh...of its own nature...can only work corruption, even seeking to save and succour and lavish love.

This, no matter how long and far-distant the projection which any given plan has been wrought of and with in mind. Period.

Granted, this isn't to say that...

...sometimes...

...God won't and doesn't condescend to yet blessing even wretchedness wrought of error. Because, He does. Sometimes.

Otherwise, we'd all be dead a million times over and there'd be no light nor breath, nor hope nor life. Period.

So...He does. Sometimes.

But never according to our will. Of His own, alone.

And that...is good. Otherwise, there would be chaos. Rather than order. Even as painful as the working and out-shoots of sin may be to view and consider...still, they are present according to the pattern of their own methods of destruction--ever unto further depravity, suffering, terror, devastation, disease, and death.

Which is what there is, outside of Christ. No matter how "good" the intentions.

For, He alone is good. Meaning nothing else is...nothing apart from Him.

That's all that need be known, ultimately. Once having come to know of Him: we know we aren't good,  we work evil if we try to act apart from Him--no matter what we try, we would work evil in acting as though we somehow could be apart--"not subject"--to Him..we thus would work evil, in acting "apart" from Him...which is only ever acting willfully against Him. Because if you are not completely with Him, you are against Him. There's no middle ground.

He's just that good.

So...we're lost, really, unless we're reconciled to His will.

And He made a way to be reconciled. A way for us to experience mercy, without doing away with the order of...malicious separation we work, requiring justice enacted--unto what is right...

...He clothed Himself in flesh and came and dwelt among us...

...never once acting against what is right and good. Never once wavering in love. Despite the weakness of flesh. Which He bore. Giving Himself as a sacrifice, unblemished. A perfect sacrifice.

Pure. Holy. Good. Love. And so fully aware.

Knowingly done. He became a curse. Became accursed. Bore the wrath. Satisfied it, in Himself. That those who would find mercy in Him can find mercy in Him. That those who love Him and strive and long to obey Him could be attributed His righteousness, even as our sins then had become attributed to Him...wrath satisfied, justice upheld while mercy might yet still be shown...per grace.

A deep mystery.

Fathomless.

Funny, though, how the deepest of mysteries can have a simultaneous simplicity. Such simplicity even as to be easily overlooked and readily, summarily dismissed...for seeming somehow superficially trite or absurd, having not been truly pondered.

Words are that way. He is that way.

That even those who perish will be to the praise of His glory. While those who are sanctified are to the praise of His glory. And His glory will be and is praised, eternal.

Faith, then, is knowing Him in so many ways. As to walk simultaneous in both realms, with increasingly fewer missteps. Faith is given by Him, produced by Him, refined by Him. Sharpened and secured and strengthened and maintained...by Him. As in Him.

So, walking by faith. Not by sight. Is to know the deeper truths, reconciled as reality...unquestioningly known as truth, accepted and secure. To know Him, then. To trust Him at His Word. And be led by Him into all truth. Even unto remembrance of all that which He has ever said.

Not knowing, even moment by moment, what the next moment holds. Planning superficially, but only as He wills. Only as He allows. Unto His will. Not our own.

There's always so much more and less than is ever presented.

I confess to struggling with the idea of putting Him in a box, though. Of claiming that He does one thing primarily over others. Or that He does one particular way over others. Or that He will only do things in so many ways. He never contradicts Himself, and yet...He does new things. If you even want the Biblical accounts, look to what He has yet to carry out. Because He described, and yet...as we have always been wont to do...we're blind to what He meant, because we're basically incapable of conceiving of that which isn't yet in existence, in space-time.

Because...ya know...He is the creator. We cannot conceive of what He has yet to bring into being in this realm. Except that He would directly reveal it, more entire, but...even then...

...He told Isaiah and Jeremiah precisely what was to come, in so many ways (the prophets, in general, yeah)...but who understood it? ...did they even fully understand?

He will reveal what He will reveal unto whom He will reveal it, and no amount of arguing back and forth about the way He does things will or has ever changed that, is the thing. It's not up to us.

Which...two things which really confound me about the particular restrictions currently...confounding me...first off, as far as "practicality" goes--when pitted against spirituality, as it for some reason is, so often...which...seriously confounds: walking in step with God is far more practical than attempting to plot and plan everything according to understanding, for reals--He understands everything, we understand minor bits and pieces of next to nothing. Like...just next to nothing, in any given circumstance, of any given circumstance.

Really, knowing Christ is knowing more about any given circumstance than actually knowing details about that circumstance could even begin to equate to. Knowing all the "things" the world has ever contrived to know and to understand and build upon...is absolutely knowing nothing, if Christ isn't known. It's actually knowing less than knowing anything, if you realize it in terms of Christ being truth. Because...not only is it not knowing Christ, but not knowing Him entails having refused innate knowledge...choosing delusion...which is believing a lie, thus having moved away from knowledge, actively--refusing truth, thus knowing less than just simply knowing nothing.

That's a pretty rough spot to be in, if all the "knowledge" known is founded upon lies. That's really rough.

But yeah, as far as this false dilemma, in terms of some apparent weirdness over "spirituality" vs. "practicality." As best has yet been discerned and given, part of the problem is confusion over terms.

Confusion oft arises out of fear. Lack of knowledge, moreover (consider...the beginning of knowledge). I know this for wrestling with it so very frequently (i.e., as with all things, this translates to: it's been made known to me{same as for anyone who knows any amount of truth, then it's been revealed by the Holy Spirit...per Scripture, even}, to be known at all...and even then, is still only an incomplete knowing...a partial, momentary view between where once I was and where once I will be...as seems go the process of striving to understand the Infinite...oh, bless Him!). And, in terms of the other side, it's precisely the same. (ahem, I know this for wrestling with it so very frequently...and so on..)

When all is Christ, these things resolve. In Him, they are resolved. Seriously.

And maybe it's not time, right now, to go into all the many details. Because sleep would be good.

Just, suffice to say...He is, and He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Much love to all of you. The Lord bless you and keep you.