There seems some bit of middle ground which goes along with being led of the Spirit. Much, of not counting anything other than Christ as esteemed. Knowing God to be the ultimate of all joys, delights, and loves. Exclusively, in a sense, as so superior. Though love for others is still very real, it still absolutely pales in comparison--seeking to love, honor, and obey God, foremost to the extent of being effectively exclusive, always. Just, as what- or whom-soever He also ordains to mediate His will and love unto us, in His stead, then is honored too. But only in context of remaining primarily focused upon and surrendered to and seeking His will, always first. No compromise. In a sense, then, forsaking whatsoever is not strictly of Him and giving up all things to Him, foremost, then to receive howsoever He wills of whatsoever He gives or returns or retains within one's realm of being. Retaining perspective that it's only by His grace than anything is received to be cherished--always, then, acknowledging all things good are experienced only by His grace, so to rejoice.
Put another way, as Job said--He gives and He takes away. Living in light of that reality, perpetually.
Along that line, then:
Renounce, per dictionary.com:
1.
to give up or put aside voluntarily:
to renounce worldly pleasures.
2.
to give up by formal declaration:
to renounce a claim.
3.
And per the Cambridge English Dictionary:
to repudiate; disown:
to renounce one's son.
to say publicly that you no longer own, support, believe in, or have a connection with something
And 1 definition per Google:
formally declare one's abandonment of (a claim, right, or possession).
Surrender, per dictionary.com (as inclusive of the other resources' definitions):
1.
to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress:
to surrender the fort to the enemy; to surrender the stolen goods tothe police.
2.
to give (oneself) up, as to the police.
3.
to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, etc.:
He surrendered himself to a life of hardship.
4.
to give up, abandon, or relinquish (comfort, hope, etc.).
5.
So...there's some overlap. One is a bit more formal in nature and effect, is all.
to yield or resign (an office, privilege, etc.) in favor of another.
The core of the problem, regarding the need to renounce the world and all desires, is one of rebellion against God. The fallen human stance looks to an innate desire to manifest one's own perception of what's right and what's necessary to well-being, such as inherently exalts our own will to the exclusion of honoring God's sovereign will.
We strive after what's right in our own eyes and refuse to acknowledge, seek, or heed God's leading, in other words. Exalting our own sense of "necessity," thus completely unduly, we refute that God's perspective and prerogative are supreme, per actions which implicitly malign His goodness and righteousness per "claiming" there's "a better way."
There's no better way than God's way, though. None. Regardless how much it hurts or even devastates us to our core, at times.
Attempting anything outside of His will is working evil, effectively. That's the heart of our human conundrum, as sin--and we don't even want consider that our ways and thoughts and ideas are evil outside of following God's will, except that Christ intervene that we might realize the truth of the matter.
But we've all chosen to go "our own way" and attempt our own path to working good in the world--even sometimes done in the name of God, despite being of human conception. Without consulting Him, first, though--through prayer, especially...and without seeking His guidance, throughout the process? It's not good.
Jesus has to work these things out, in us. He's willing. And maybe some of you haven't required as much reworking and prodding to surrender as I have--maybe He brought you to surrender through a yielding to Him that's been easy and relatively painless. Either way, the need to remain yielded and continually seek His will would be much the same regardless how He brought us to initial surrender.
He said we only bear fruit as we abide in Him. Ongoing, active.
I cringe to say this, shameful as it is...but I've been defiant against the Lord pretty much the whole way through knowing Him. And it's only been a little over two years, now, that He was so merciful as to break me under the weight of realizing He's Lord and Master of my life, whether I like it or not, and that it's far better to embrace the fact now rather than to have to deal with consequences for putting it off, later.
That really put things in perspective, for me.
And, yeah--He's taken me from that kind of defiance to learning to rejoice in suffering, while finding great pleasure in knowing He's sovereign. And I'm not capable of doing anything apart from Him. At all. Not even mundane daily tasks.
For instance, months ago, I was (having a moment) lamenting what might happen if I got distracted from Jesus for a while--despairing over how that would go, asking Him what would happen, concerned He might let me stray to a point of forgetting I need Him so desperately. In the midst of those thoughts/prayers, I inhaled a large chunk of food (breathing while eating is such a hazard, after all). Not for the first time in my life, He calmly helped me dislodge, simultaneously reminding me that He's completely capable of maintaining my awareness of my total dependence upon Him. This was especially memorable for being such a striking physical reminder that my every breath is from Him, having had it completely denied for a few moments--very effective reinforcement of trust in His keeping abilities and of the actual goodness of His will, while well evidencing a deeper degree of dependence upon Him than I'd truly been contemplating.
I'm grateful for being largely incapacitated from depending on my own "strength," in general. Being consciously reliant upon Him for even the "mundane" means pride leads pretty quickly to a fall, rather than allowing for extended build-ups--I start becoming self-congratulatory and pretty much immediately wind up incapacitated for having deviated from seeking His help and guidance. Doesn't mean I don't still fall prey, and doesn't mean pride's been quelled to a degree which truly honors Him...
...but it does mean that very little is required in terms of straying from Him, before everything in my life utterly unravels at the seams for being so entirely dependent upon His keeping as to maintain any semblance of wellness, in general.
Which, really...we're all that dependent upon Him, truthfully.
Every single one of us is held together by His will that it be so--the molecules that comprise us are bound together by the force of His will. The particles which comprise our physical universe are the same--held together because He wills it to be so, moment by moment.
And the grace He lavishes on all of us, in the midst of such rebellion as we perpetuate, is incomprehensible.
Many suffer disease and atrocities, terror and trauma--the ravages of sin yet have been manifest through creation; but the sun still rises. Rain still falls, in most places. Crops still grow--if not everywhere, then in many places, still. Children still laugh in some streets. And goodwill is still manifest through the actions of some, per God's grace.
And in the midst of the grace lavished on us all, He's also actively redeeming His due portion--Any who would come to Christ in repentant surrender, becoming reconciled to God. He draws all men, having been lifted up, so those who come to Him and repent--realizing guilt, acknowledging His divinity and atonement and resurrection as true and real, becoming a living sacrifice unto Him--will be salvaged from sin's dominion, being sanctified unto Him.
Increasingly.
Surrendering all, part and parcel. Renouncing all, for sake of having Him. Moreover, then--forsaking all, for the sake of having Christ, Himself. Coming effectively to realize all things are His, in truth.
So...perspective.
Regarding bits shared yesterday, one point which wasn't really delved into (or mentioned?)--primarily because of need to continue praying--was regarding an ongoing surrender.
I don't know if this is something everyone does, but I have a tendency to worship people and look to them for deliverance, safety, comfort, emotional support, and direction in life--always at the expense of seeking God's will and provision in these such matters which are only fully and well met in Him.
He's been teaching me how to remain balanced, though, as surrender. Slowly.
Part of the problem has been that the tendency to depend upon others unduly is often wrongly encouraged--and I'm guilty of doing the same, by encouraging others to look to me or turn to me, when really they need to go to the Lord. Which...is everything, really. We have no alternative but to receive all we need for life and godliness from Him, in truth (He does use many channels though, I guess).
That sort of tendency is a slippery slope that's impossible to navigate without the Lord's assistance, is all. But He does help.
And He's been helping me realize relationships with people can be loving without being dependent in a way which dishonors or denies Him His due honor and reverence. He's been showing me He's willing and able to maintain right dependence and surrender to Him, going forward.
I certainly don't know how, nor do I really understand it all. But He does.
And He will lead. He keeps me breathing, after all, so I know He can also handle assisting me with endeavoring navigation of human interaction in a way that consistently glorifies and honors Him.
There something there about always remembering the Lord, first. And loving others only within context of acknowledging that each interaction and relationship is a gift He's ordained, sovereignly--some, to pain or testing, others to a fellowship of rejoicing and growth in understanding Christ. Either way, though, He ordains what is necessary to our sanctification and/or to His glory.
And...He does prosper us in so many ways, too (still, to His glory).
And I don't understand why I need to go over these things--seems like so many people are able to just do things without needing or wanting reflection or open dialogue with the Lord, but while still honoring Him nonetheless. But, whatever. This is the way things are for me, so that's well enough.
This whole emotional pain deal, too, though. It's so weird. There was a full day of temptation toward self-pity--still maybe broiling, maybe somewhat surfacing? Not even sure. But when I praise Him, then it's wonderful to rejoice in being able to feel.
And I am actively fighting the inclination to ask how long this pain will last (or whether it can just continue indefinitely, with Him keeping me well in the midst) and inclination to ask what the purpose of it is, on all fronts, and inclination to ask whether there'll be anything, this time, to constitute a major development manifest alongside whatsoever this is otherwise spiritually effecting. I'm fighting the compulsion to ask Him what the deal is, yeah--on all fronts.
And I'm going to continue to deny that/those compulsion/s. Because. I trust Him. And...He's going to continue helping me deny those inclinations. And He's going to continue teaching things which are permissible and good.
And, besides all that, sometimes suspense/uncertainty/surprise is really nice--especially where regards something the Lord is doing.
And...now there are other things I need to go and do today. I think.
Leaving the house again, though--yes, to that. And denying temptation toward ice cream. Very much denial of that temptation, just as soon as I get to Dairy Queen. It will be a very prayerful experience with friends from church group.
I'm still feeling mildly feverish, but eh. It'll pass eventually.
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