Exclusive Ownership

Awoke screaming, again, just now. Earliest I've been to sleep in a week--and I was very self-congratulatory about the whole deal.

I started reciting a verse that's been the lock screen on my phone, toward the end--the Lord interceded to help remember the words. That was the turning point and what made it possible to wrench free. I mean, it's not as though the Lord abandons in the midst of those things--no, just my mind is so utterly away from Him, unfortunately. Jesus never abandons me, though--my awareness of His constant presence just wavers, at times. But, the moment I came to fuller consciousness--enough to open my eyes--everything was held at bay by the presence of the Lord. I'm so grateful.

All day, though--all day there's been so much nonsense mounting attacks. All day, constant intimidation and threats. All day, ongoing, massive attempts to crush me. All day. It's been ridiculous.

And even on the way home, attacks continued. Along course of driving, though, I became aware of the need to be taught how to rejoice in suffering, how to count affliction as joy. I want to learn.

And, in addition to that bit of information, I just awoke to have it made known that one particular person whom I interacted with today is the object of a false claim of ownership. She doesn't belong to them. But, not only that, thing is...ultimately, all things actually belong to Christ. Including those making the false claims of ownership.

I'm just restating the obvious, here.

Again and again, and again, every time I get threats on my life:
The only things that can happen to me are those which God allows. And whatsoever He allows, He will turn to good (even by my death, then).
He will get glory through whatever happens to me--His Word has assured me of this.
So, if He permits any of the threats to be carried out, then let it be done to me as He wills, and only as He wills. Even as He permits.

Because whatever comes, it will be to His glory. So I will rest in knowing that--I will continue to find peace and assurance in knowing His will for me is good, and He will be glorified through whatever comes of me.
And I also rest in knowing that He'll be with me when I go through deep waters--He's promised they won't submerge me past His ability to preserve me.
And I take comfort in knowing that when I'm thrown into the fire, He will continue going in alongside me.

He won't leave me, nor forsake me.
And the smell of smoke won't even linger on my garments, so tenderly will He wrap me in His love in the midst of the fiery trials come to temper my faith.

He is my strong tower, my fortress. My friend. My redeemer. My husband--He provides, shelters, protects, defends, and counts me beloved and precious, cherished.

I forget, a lot of the time, how much pain I'm in--it's a mercy, really, as the presence of the Lord generally shields me from much. But my body really is wrecked--so many accidents and injuries. I've been broken from head to toe, inside and out.

My life hangs by a thread, in general, it seems. The past couple years has seen near-death continued at an increased rate of one brush with Death roughly every six months. And by near-death, I mean an unintentional instance which has been across the line of what ought to permit continued life. Unintentional and without warning.

I don't usually tell people about it, when these things are going on, either. There's too much a weight of need to remain steadfastly focused on the Lord, without providing opportunity for doubt to manifest through the fearfulness of others.

Thing is, I'll maintain life in this body every bit as long as the Lord sustains me. Not a moment longer, though. Quite frankly, that's actually the same state everyone's in, just a bit more regularly clarified and to a greater degree than most seem to retain long after the moment of being preserved from Death.

Yeah, though. No worries.

And, in other developments: I was told on Tuesday--on a level and in a way which cannot be denied (without blatant rebellion, at least)--surrendering hope to the Lord is not optional. He is my only hope, and anything placed anywhere even remotely alongside Him constitutes idolatry (which...yeah, actually--sorry, Lord. I am sorry. Please, forgive me.)

Some people, He permits them retain a larger degree of ongoing idolatry. But He's worth renouncing all the earth and everything and everyone in it, just as to draw nearer to Him, and regardless sincere affection for or otherwise beneficial aspects of relation with each renounced entity.

But that's what I've just been taken to task for, a few moments ago. I do need to continually renounce all the world, for the sake of Christ. I'm His. And that's kind of that. So as much as I may, at times, forget myself and whose I am...He's faithful to remind me.

It doesn't matter what I might want, in my frail humanity--that He would manifest His will for me and for all those whom I love is more desirable than anything else I might dare scheme per feeble, blind desires at what short-sighted results might seem to me to be "good" or "right" or "necessary." I know nothing.

Jesus did teach me, while dealing with the demons my sister was so taken by two years ago, that a life of fasting and prayer is right and good when confronting such beings, though. I've been confronted by them, openly, most of my life.

I finally left behind the calling card I'd been given, last year--one where I'd been told to get in touch anytime, for any reason, for anything at all I might want or need. Just no. All sorts of "no." And...even "absolutely never." That engagement is truly and has fully been renounced.

Jesus is God incarnate. He's Lord of all. He is in control, so He's sovereign over them. Historically, it's been made very, amply evident that He gets glory even from the suffering of His people. The greater the trials, the greater the glory.
So, I just can't even begin to understand what they think they're going to accomplish through what's been going on. Such things as are being done make no sense.

He will get glory, after all. And even if things fade into less obvious threats and attempted derailments and oppression again, then Christ's ways and directions still remain totally inscrutable and will still entail the ongoing sovereign power to secure His portion due Him.

Nothing's going to change that. Nothing. His will will be done. Whether we're consciously compliant or not.

Period. Being God means exclusive dominion.

There's no other way. The declension of society is only by his permission, even. And to a greater good, ultimately, otherwise it wouldn't be permitted. I know this and attest to it wholeheartedly because I know Him. He will be glorified.

So, since He's just told me to renounce something, I have. And He's instructed to renounce continually, whenever thoughts come.

Which isn't for my own sake. But for the sake of those whom He's given me knowledge of, as to pray for. And for the sake of love for God.

He is worthy.
I will bring Him the sacrifice of praise, in the midst of darkest night.

He is worthy and due all honor and glory.

So, so what if the spirit of an entire corporate entity has set itself to crush me?
Jesus is greater. He's more powerful. He could fell a mountain with a thought, cast it into the sea never to be remembered, if He so desired. He's more than capable of utterly demolishing whatever would rise against me.
So, if He were to permit me to be crushed, then He will make Himself known in the process--whether only to me or to others, also. Whichever and howsoever He would choose, then He will get glory, regardless.
And that's reason to praise, because He's worthy all praise, and He is so gracious as to redeem the most deplorable circumstances to His own glory!

And these are fighting words. They're a call to arms. They're a notification of intent to remain in battle, and to continue storming the gates of hell.
By God's grace and per His direction.

Christ is my strength and He will not falter.
And I will not taunt nor mock the enemy,
because it would not be worthy of my Master.

But neither will I be intimidated with lies and threats and mockery intended to undermine my faith in God and get me to yield a foothold to Satan, in doubt.

No.
By Christ's will and preserving power, I won't yield.
Not in my own strength, of which there is none.
But by His grace and through His love and mercy,
I will be preserved and will continue to pursue God.

And I will be strengthened in Him all the more, as flesh is mortified.

He will teach me to count it all joy when afflictions come.
He is teaching me to rejoice in sufferings.

Gratefully so.

He's shown me many times how He can take and turn a situation on a dime--such that malice and rage are transformed, without warning, into peaceable affability, unawares those in whom the shift has taken place, yet utterly and blatantly obvious.

He's shown me that He can move hands and feet without understanding or intent--accomplishing particular ends without thought being required in the process.

He's shown me He does still raise the dead .

And He's shown me through experience that absolutely no scheme of hell can overwhelm His own intents and purposes--no matter how violently they rage and scream otherwise in blind, self-deceived defiance, Jesus will have His way and when He speaks, everything goes silent.

He's shown me that the enemy cannot overwhelm, completely, and cannot oust Him--He's shown that in the midst of the most severe and long-lasting assaults He's utterly capable of holding a heart still in peace and love while providing His own fellowship, to preserve.

He's shown me so many things.

So, I'm not going to fear.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do.
But...I trust Jesus. So I know that when I get there (wherever that happens to be), He'll make my way plain and will direct my every breath.

No matter how difficult things are or become.

He will keep me still in the midst of any pain.

I'm just so tired of fear, again.

I'm sick of being dominated by it.
Especially sick of fear, knowing it doesn't rule me.
Jesus does.

And that's what matters.

Ah, perspective!

Thank You, Lord!