Having been so completely redeemed and "accepted in the beloved," Christ now beseeches us by His own infinite and many tender mercies to present our bodies a reasonable, living, holy, acceptable sacrifice to Himself. As we lay our hands upon the sacred and holy head of our Burnt Offering we know (let it be the language of a lively faith) that in Him we are a sweet savor unto God--a sweet savor of perfect obedience, perfect consecration, and perfect sacrifice "far above our poor power to add or detract." What power! What persuasion! What perfect peace! His is the perfect satisfaction--a sweet savor offering made by fire--ours the sweet privilege of being burned out for Him. Can we not trust Him? Shall we not let Him carry us where He will? O hesitating believer, are we not ready to sign away our rights and reserves for all coming days? Come. Give Him all. "It is more blessed to give than to receive." The Lord loves a hilarious giver. Let us launch forth with Him on any uncharted sea. Those who sail the high seas in treacherous times commit themselves to His Majesty the King: "At your service, Sir, with scaled orders." It was George Whitefield who said: "I give up myself to be a martyr for Him who hung upon the Cross for me. I have thrown myself blind-folded and, I trust, without reserve into His almighty hands."
Miss Ahn, that heroic lady of Korea, had argued with God for some seven years against going to the Japanese Diet and warning that nation against persecuting the Christians for refusal to bow at the Shinto shrines. When she finally yielded to obey God's call, she sold all her possessions and bought a one-way ticket for Tokyo--to do and die. We say that consecration is "for service or sacrifice." To Miss Ahn it was both. Hers would be a trip to death. She bought a one-way ticket, to return nevermore--by love compelled to obey, to go, to do, and, if necessary, to die. Oh, to be so sweetly constrained by Calvary's awful compulsion that we can hold out no longer, can no longer resist its attractive force! We are drawn to death--with appetites whetted to eat of the Great Sacrifice. Ah, this is life indeed, life more abundant, the life that is hid with Christ in God- -"He that eateth me, even he shall live by me."
But there is another aspect that is all-important. Frances Ridley Havergal has said: "Full consecration may in one sense be the act of a moment and in another the work of a lifetime. It must be complete to be real, and yet. if real it is always incomplete; a point of rest, and yet a perpetual progression." Let us not be deceived, we shall often be compelled to say with the Psalmist: "God is the Lord, which hath shewed us light (conversion): bind the sacrifice with cords, even unto the horns of the altar (consecration)." It will cost us all we have and all we am to keep in this consecrated mind. We shall be forced to cry out again and again as we fear the fire and feel the sacrificial knife, "Bind me, blessed Savior, as a sacrifice--fasten me with Thy cords of constraining love lest I finish my course with shame. Let me not begin to make provision anywhere for the flesh--let my offering continue to be a burnt offering--a whole burnt offering, yea, a continual burnt offering. Let me never come down from the cross to save myself. Fix me, fasten me, bind me with Thine own cords to Calvary, a continual burnt offering."
A missionary friend returned to his field seeking a fresh anointing. He says: "The Lord searched my heart and my possessions to see if anything had become dearer to me than Himself. 'Lovest thou me more than these?'--meaning my wife and boy. I hesitated. I felt as though He had laid before me an execution warrant and was waiting for my signature. There was a terrible fight in my heart: surrender meant death. After a long struggle and by His grace, I made the surrender and I did it with the fullest expectation that this meant the end of their earthly lives. After a few weeks, while returning to our little Japanese house alone, the thought flashed into my mind, 'The boy is sick." He was all right when I left home, healthy and well. When I arrived home my wife came to welcome me, and she said, "Gordon is sick." I said, "I knew it, it has come at last." Then there came that agonized struggle, 'Lovest thou me more than the boy?' But I had won the victory. So with a heavy heart I went up to the lad to say goodbye. He lay on his bed, his little white face against the pillow, desperately ill. There I realized that the only surrender which truly counts is the surrender unto death. I was able to say to God out of a full honesty of heart, "Thy will is best, and I would rather have Thy will than anything on earth". What happened then? It happened with me as with Abraham when he brought his son to the place of surrender unto death on Mount Moriah. God gave him back his boy--and mine."
"Bind the sacrifice with cords, even unto the horns of the altar."How easy it is to forget that surrender actually means dying to self. There's such freedom in surrender to Christ, though.
Hoping and praying He keeps me out of delusion, and continues to deliver me further, still. Being convinced there's anything good whatsoever can be done outside His strength is entirely too burdensome.
And it wreaks so much confusion, trying to "figure things out," rather than asking about whatever's permitted but just overall trusting Jesus. He's just been really, really merciful on that point, with me. Seriously.
I forget myself, sometimes, with Him--until reaching awareness of having begun to act like a 3-year-old, at least: "So, why this?" and "Why that?" and "Okay, well then, how does this relate to that?," and "What does this mean?," and on, and on, and on. Until self-consciousness returns, and...silence.
Being self-conscious isn't pleasant. Would far prefer to just trust the Lord and let Him lead, and let things fall where they may, howsoever He would have them. Not as though I don't make an absolute wreck, otherwise, anyway--especially with anxiety reaching a pitch where I basically bolt, rather than speaking with people.
Yeah, self-consciousness=bad. Want, instead, to forget self, be aware of the Lord, and love others as He would direct. Will try again, tomorrow. Lord, help? Pls?
Had to re-surrender job-thing again today, too. It's a very real possibility that at some time (again) there'll be a point He calls me out on, honoring Him rather than compromising. (Not that I'm perfect by any means, in general. Not even close.) Some thing are just beyond endeavoring with merely prayerful silence and submissive acquiescence, though. And I won't know what those particular matters things are until He makes them known, in the moment.
So there may well come a point, again. And if so, He'll guide me through, one word at a time--just like all the previous times. Certainly can't manage to take a stand in my own strength, anyway. I'd always previously preferred to compromise rather than "rock the boat"--that tendency hasn't changed, but Christ directs according to His own will in certain moments. I'm very grateful for His intervention--if it were up to me, I'd not manage. I just don't have the strength of will or of character to be that bold. But He does.
And, He's made provision for me, regardless--beyond what could have been expected. I've definitely made a mess of things with finances in general, but...He's helping me very slowly resolve things, on the whole.
And any way it goes, there are always the ravens, too. ^_^ A friend in Texas saw one bring a wrapped sandwich for a homeless man, maybe two years ago. The Lord's pretty awesome, that way.
He does all sorts of things like that, though, and we just aren't always aware. Kind of like the Israelites going 40 years without needing to mend their clothing or shoes. Very much like that. And like with Elijah's widow friend.
Eh. Whatevs. These things are not a real, current concern--it just helps to remember He's sovereign, so it doesn't matter what may come. Especially helps to provide proper perspective on what work-things there be--they don't own me (despite statements *ahem*--jokes--to that effect). They're not the first to attempt a claim of ownership on what's already been taken into collection.
Point being, though--anything could happen at work, if past experience is any indication. Only God knows.
Soooo needed the time, today, with Jesus.
And it's along this line of consideration which I so obviously and desperately need Him to continue delivering me from self. Less words, maybe. Maybe. Less consideration of darkness. Probably. Definitely. And...Yes, definitely.
Writing things out, praying through them, has certainly helped draw nearer the Lord, in general, recently. And it's helped solidify clarity on so many points needing deliverance, these past many days--taking two months away perhaps wasn't so great an idea. Posting multiple times a day isn't likely sustainable, realistically, but for now it's been way too much a blessing to look askance.
I want to ask how much longer it'll take to be back to something even more akin to just resting in Him, but He'll work that out. Just need to trust and rest in Christ.
He's getting me there. Prayers are definitely appreciated, all along the way.
Thank you, Lord! Yay!
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