And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.
We are new creations in Christ Jesus. Being born again into life in Christ means that we become new wine skins that can receive the new wine that brings courage to live for Him! It's not just the earth and heavens that pass away one day, it is also pain and suffering. Our experience as residents of God's Holy City, the New Jerusalem, will be completely different than our experience on earth. 1 Corinthians 13:12 says, "For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." (NIV)
Verse/Commentary courtesy of 'Verse-A-Day' app.
http://www.verse-a-day.com/
...
So...in lieu of continuing to grieve something which hasn't even come to pass...and rather than continuing to berate myself publicly for things otherwise grievous...
...another thing which has been on my mind, lately, still: finances.
For the past few weeks, there's been something of God-honoring financial responsibility. To such extent that the Lord has even restored the joy of giving (*insert happy dance*).
Sometimes, I think it would be nice to be able to just give everything. But some things are useful, still, in seeking and serving the Lord. And He hasn't recently prompted me to give most things away.
Like this computer I'm using, for instance--a few months ago, He prompted me to give it away and I prepared to...then, after making all the accommodations necessary for giving, He let me keep it. And made it clear that I'm not to look to it as a lifeline or cling to it as a means to an end, in itself. If it becomes an idol, He will take it.
And there've been a couple times when He's asked me to give the car away, but then made other provisions for people and allowed me to keep the vehicle. This also effected the understanding that the car is His and if He asks it be given, then ultimately it will be. And I've had more than a suitcase's worth of clothing for a little over a year now--some bit of varied clothing has proven very useful for daily life in the work He's given me to do. And there are numerous other bits and pieces, odds and ends, which are presently fine to retain for use.
So there are a numerous things I don't presently feel prompted to give.
But it's always such a blessing to be able to offer anything before the Lord, for love of Christ and of others whom He's graced me with the privilege of being alongside in any capacity.
Clinging to things just gets messy and destructive and icky and leads to all sorts of financial mismanagement, for me--clinging has continually led to reaching out to clutch onto even more things. Problem is, I tend to cling to things instead of the Lord.
Along which lines, I'd really like to not have control of the money that comes into my possession. Which is not at all realistic--but I've been asking about it for a few months, now, regardless.
So...rather than being realistic, I'm going to write that all out as it's been loosely considered for the past many months, and increasingly, still:
Before starting my present ministry to the Lord (Every job is as such, even if it's not formal employment--we're called to glorify God and do things as unto Him, regardless what we're doing. He places us where He would have us...and it's always possible to praise Him for the ability and opportunity and results, if nothing else. Whatever we do, then, is a service--a ministry--to the Lord.)...
...yes, so...
...before being placed in present position, I'd started experiencing some pretty intense longings to be quit of handling money and just have what need be, so to live on a day-to-day basis.
Then, starting the present position, I learned there are actually people who do that for folks--for folks who've been deemed incapable of responsibly and safely handling their own finances (I nominate myself, wholeheartedly, but it would be kind of awkward to ask my boss if I could receive services--still praying about it, for real, but coming to terms with that being a wholly unacceptable scenario).
Payees, though.
I keep thinking about how awesome it would be to have a Payee--someone who was in complete control of any money that comes to me. I only need enough for daily provisions and monthly bills--of which, there's a not-insubstantial but not-crippling amount of credit card debt which could be cleared out within less than two years, at present rate--but, the rest could just go wherever. Some small bit toward savings, perhaps, for instances such as need for tires or other irregular expenditures.
But even paying things adequately well...thing is, if I use monies responsibly, there'll still be additional funds, given present income.
And I just don't want to save it, is the thing. It doesn't line up with certain things, and I don't have peace with it, personally.
So I should be giving some regular amount to churches? Serious conflicts over this, and I've fallen out of practice--still praying for guidance. But Paul seemed most concerned about sharing with those who had need rather than sending a set amount toward the place of congregation, is all--"those who gather much have none left over, and those who gather little have enough"...although Paul did also mention giving money toward supporting those who live per preaching Christ, too. But, eh. Things. Prayer.
Unfortunately, part of my problem has been that as long as I have access to monies, I tended to abuse access (for reference, see: credit card debt).
That's not good. So, I'm continuing to pray for help. And the "envelope system" just doesn't appeal--I lose things too easily. Debit cards and the like can be replaced, at least.
I've just been failing on all fronts with finances, for life. So, although the idea of having someone else help is ultimately unrealistic (given my circumstances, at least), it remains a very hopeful notion. Especially having found out there are folks who actually do provide that sort of service. I'm going to keep praying.
And as far as what to do with "excess" monies--however the Lord leads would be fine.
Like, there's one lady I know who needs a car, and that may be a thing. Who knows? It probably won't be mentioned again. And for having been mentioned, there's a good possibility it won't be something I have anything to do with, whatsoever. But I've been asking the Lord about it--if not me, then someone. But, if me, then I would seriously need the Lord to help in saving to that end. If it were His will, He'd have to orchestrate the entire process--I am wholly incapable, and "good intentions" are destructive apart from God's manifest grace, regardless.
I'm just done, though. My finances are as much a wreck as is the rest of my life.
The Lord now holds the pieces, at least--an incalculable difference from life prior.
It's unrealistic to hope to avoid having control of the cash I get through employment, though. I know that. But I still want it, regardless.
That would be a whole other level of surrender, for reals, though.
Part of what troubles me most about my finances is knowing that I've been buying things which aren't necessary, when there are greater needs (like...even paying off debt). That doesn't mean there's call to be tightfisted or stingy and never use funds for enjoyable or uncommon uses, though--it's good to get music which glorifies God and draws nearer Him through worship, for instance. Very good use of funds, periodic.
And art things would be, too. And books. And visits to park. And whatsoever else would be a means of enjoying the blessings He's bestowed in a way which doesn't dishonor Him and which still constitutes reasonable stewardship.
But not constantly going out and getting cheese-sticks and pizza. Not buying a new pair of shoes every week. Not any similar-type excessive, utterly reckless spending.
Eh.
I'll continue praying for direction and for help. And I'm going to keep asking this all: I would like someone to hand my money over to, in full, but regardless whether that's a thing He's willing to orchestrate and lead me into, I need Him to seriously help me do the things, myself, in a way which honors Him. Even, rather, I need Him to continue helping me do the things in a way which honors Him, as have gone the past few weeks (for the most part).
I'd prefer He provide me with both, though. But that's not up to me.
Money is just so weird, though. It comes and goes--ebbs and flows. And when it's all gone, at some point more comes. And when all of that's gone and only credit remains, then credit has been used, and eventually money comes again. Which--yeah, employment for pay is the largest source of flow in that process, but it's not been the only source. And it has been difficult to trust for sufficiency sometimes between experiencing lack and receiving provision--oh, indeed, that's sometimes been a trial--but the Lord has been faithful again and again and again.
All my life, He's been faithful--even while I was living in utter depravity, still He provided for me in so many ways. Devastating, to learn about that, in particular.
But He's been faithful. He is faithful. And I want to be faithful with what He allots to me. But I'm often not, which is both frustrating and upsetting.
The past few weeks, though--the temptation to go shopping for needless things has been replaced with other activity. And with a lot of praise, and just spending time with the Lord.
Like today, I had it out with the Lord over another old habit. And He responded to my capitulation to self-destructiveness in a way that made it far more desirable to stop--for the sake of love of Him, desire not to grieve Him.
So, no more.
If and when I do grieve, I'll go to Him and He'll endure with me.
That's more than enough.
And along that same line, maybe the biggest part of financial mismanagement is needing to remain more keenly focused on loving the Lord and striving to please Him, continually. Though there's definitely something about remaining inclined to share the blessings He's lavished which makes that all the easier.
Either way, I'm not going to worry about this all, right now--I've got far more distressing things to worry about which I'm just not right now, because it's far beyond enough to just be here, alive and blessed to know Christ, right now. And when worry comes again, then He'll get me through. I can't, after all.
I can only deal with anxiety for so long before I just give up, is all. That's probably really where I should stay--but I so fail at trusting the Lord. For which reason, I am sooooo sooo glad Jesus is patient. And so grateful He's faithful. I'm so glad He's my Shepherd.
Oh, yes.
And I'm so, so exceedingly glad He understands. I'm glad He doesn't condone, but that He leads me to change...in His strength, though--not mine. He is my strength.
I'm just so glad He's longsuffering toward me and so grateful His mercies are new every day.
Do not want grieve Him, is all. And yet, again and again, it happens.
And not only Him, unfortunately.
All I can do is give up and ask forgiveness.
And trust the Lord to keep me, whatever comes.
Even when that works out as failing at life in general, and starting over every few minutes by asking His help to just survive the moment. Then, well enough.
I am supposed to rest in Him, though, as it goes.
So, Lord?...help, pls?
I no good at this.
Yet, You--You are capable of all things.
Hlp pls?
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