Listened to a sermon about Exodus 32.
Just praying.
There are so many things going on, right now, even in the midst of seeming stasis. So, so many things.
Some of them rip my heart to shreds unless care is taken not to dwell. Just to keep praying. He has everything. He's in utmost control, period.
Sometimes, just sitting and waiting is so...trying. Wanting to do something. Wanting to have anything to do, "productive." Just wanting to be busy, rather than waiting.
Terrible, really.
What more honor is there, than to wait on the Lord?
To be given to study and prayer and communion with the Spirit..
Human tendencies, still being overcome. There's so much the desire for sound counsel, still, of an interactive sort amongst brethren. And it still seems an absolute shame to want.
A very strange place to be in, on the whole. He's in control, yet there's still such a yearning for discussion. There's still such a yearning for someone to reinforce the things being read, the things being prayed, the things being realized. Terrible.
Just...thoughts of being further mocked stay my inclination from attempt herabouts. Reading the attributes of God unsettled the entire household, the other night. No idea to what end or upon what cause. No idea of anything, these days. Just remark.
Two churches fewer, now. The one, given events which went last week--terrified to sit under false teaching. The other...I don't know, except for the distance, and the lack of fellowship. Just...certain things. Certain things. No idea.
No church tonight, because of snow. Or, rather, no leaving the house for it. There'll still be personal, solitary pursuits, given lack of interest from others--prayer tends still to hope and plead toward that end of group venture. Rather than television (no thanks).
No idea.
So many things.
There are two within calling distance, but given current mentality, it would likely be better to just continue to read and pray, rather than end up falling into temptation.
Is even writing here doing so, though? I don't know.
There are so many things, right now, that are just absolutely uncertain. And no one to ask, right now, right here. I ask Him, but am so afraid of the answers that rather than listening, I run into busyness such as this.
How terrible. Absolutely terrible.
So many things have been attacking, lately. Trying to undermine absolutely everything--salvation to sanity, and all between. The only thing they can't touch is regard for Him, for the Lord.
It's a fairly humbling thought to be reminded that there's absolutely nothing you can do. But it's a good one, so long as in conjunction with realization that there is One who can do All. So, to trust in Him. Knowing nothing can be done to either deserve good nor to make amends nor to earn one's keep. Nothing. He did it all. He does it all.
Just as...with the bearing of fruit goes...if we truly do abide in Him, the true vine, we will bear fruit. And it won't take all the straining of the world, so to do. It won't take all the planning, all the futility of ardent yet misdirected efforts...it will just happen, by course of the matter of so abiding. As the Father prunes and shapes, further, then to bear even more.
The idea of bearing fruit has really tripped me out, time to time. One of those things whereby one can be identified as one of faith--faith yields fruit. But forcibly presenting "fruit" doesn't prove faith, is the thing.
Listening to one of the preachers who have been such a blessing lately, last night, that whole parable was gone over in a few ways. And there were a couple of bits touched upon which were particularly vital for realization, upon recognition.
Number one being that God has absolutely everything He needs and wants, including all the glory. Nothing we do can ever add to that in any meaningful capacity, regardless of the amount of effort put in. (Okay, so this is actually the conjoining of two ideas--the one presented by preacher, plus some of Pink's considerations upon the attributes of God.) But, yeah. God was all-complete and self-fulfilled prior to decree of manifestation of what is creation. So, He doesn't need any of our works.
Nothing we can do, to any extent, is necessary to Him. He supercedes ALL of that. He is utterly sovereign, self-contained, powerful, and self-fulfilled...and glorious. Glory IS His. Period. Not even that He's due it, because glory is His--it's just His. How can one owe and give to another what is the other's rightful possession, possessed already?
Yet, still, even with that being so...ALL glory is due Him. Period. Because of who He is.
Period.
That's where the bit about doing EVERYTHING to the glory of God comes in, y'all. (glory: praise, worship, and thanksgiving offered to God.)
There's just a really weird sort of dividing line there, though, between doing things to His glory and attempting to glory in doing things for Him. (oh, snap, did I say that?)
The latter is basically blasphemy. The former is something which requires ardent prayer and devotion.
What would you think comes from mixing the two, though? I'm not entirely sure, but it would seem to me that blasphemy of any sort is still going to ultimately yield blasphemy, no matter how thoroughly mixed in with other attempts to praise.
What about having a single lantern, was it?
How deep would be darkness be if that lamp was dark...
What gets me, though, is that...the only way to know is for Him to have revealed it.
That's a seriously humbling thought, y'all. Or, it should be.
If it's not...oy vey..
Pink's book on God's attributes really puts predestination in right context, too, though.
And makes it really clear how deeply deluded the church is, these days, by comparison.
Hearing folks talk about how "now, y'all need to get up, the Lord wants to move here...and if you don't get up, you're tying God's hands," is all the more blasphemy, now, for having had such stark truth of the Lord's might and sovereignty brought to wondrous clarity through reading.
It's been put in my path to twice have to speak on a particular issue in regard to that particular, within the past week. As to the whole, "...thus saith the Lord"'s which are given in the church. In regard to a particular, which it was given me to speak to, oddly enough--that fairly never happens.
He came to me, with a "prophecy" about me. A painting he "saw" me doing, "in a vision from the Lord."
"So be it," I told him, "I no longer have any art supplies."
And the look of disappointment on his face was so pitiful it broke my heart, but still I had to go on..."the thing about prophecy though, is the one way to know it's from God is that it does come to pass."
Period.
So, hearing today, of another "prophecy" from the same fellow--spoken of to me by someone who was bragging about it, simultaneous with expressing derision/pity for the person recipient of the "prophecy," it was given again to speak. The gist of what was told me was--because of the recipient's actions, the prophecy of God had been derailed. Which...yeah. No.
That's not prophecy. If God said it, it comes to pass. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts...although God has issued some contingencies, before. Conditional statements.
I've yet to hear this one person (literally) proclaim "Thus saith the Lord" in a way which entails any sort of conditional clause, though. The stuff he speaks has always been "this is, this will be."
So, to tell someone they derailed God's prophecy for their life? Yeah....not so much.
Can I mention again--Pink's book on the attributes of God is so worth reading...ended up wandering into after the last entry here.
But, yeah. As predestination goes, that particular book takes a stance which was completely unknown. In regard to decree. There was one, basically. Issued at creation, and it was all-inclusive. Everything that was to be was included in that decree. It's part of His omniscience, is one way of looking at it. He knows all things, at all moments, IN all times (past, present, future), in all places, always, now and from ever and forever. He has always known all the things which He always knows and will ever know, in regard to everything which ever was, is, or is to come.
So, it's not a matter of there being an option, really. Except that He has given.
And it's beyond any of us to even know who will or who won't.
Because everything which will ever be has always been known by the Lord.
His ways and thoughts are beyond our ability to even comprehend of how vastly different they are from our own, let alone to even begin to comprehend them.
He is Holy.
Completely different, completely apart. Completely.
And vastly magnificent in all His ways, pure in all His ways, beyond our ability to even conceive.
Just...Pink made a distinction between God's decree at creation and His interaction in revealing Himself through various of His prophets. His decree was sovereign, powerful, and wholly complied with by all which is...and it continues as such. Then, there have been the covenants, also...with those of His elect.
He will have mercy on whom He will. Period.
He is just so...wonderful. Awesome. Oh, beyond words.
There are a couple of things though which most folks get so readily caught up on, in regarding the Lord...
...as pertains to His decree that He will have mercy on whom He will, as in discussion with Moses...
The first time I ever read that, it struck me. It's the end of any argument concerning the ways of the Lord. Period. It brings us back to realization that HE is GOD. Not us. And if He so chooses not to have mercy on someone, who dare would question?
In one chapter of Pink's book, he ends up drawing out a good bit of discussion regarding that particular point of scorn for many. For those who would dare to scorn the Lord...oy... ..but, yeah, he will upon whom HE wills.
And any discussion of that must yield to God's sovereignty. Either He IS sovereign, or it isn't God you're talking about.
Pink, in discussion of God's sovereignty, pointed out that man's responsibility is a result of God's sovereignty. God placed certain of His creatures on immutable footing, wherein they would never fall prey to sin, whereas others were placed on conditional footing--in the portion of their creation, certain angels were known as to have conditional footing, so as to have the potential to fall from their place. He did not create the sin, God did not condone it, nor was He the author of it. He created them in such a way that they were capable of that sort of responsibility as to have potential to so err.
Same with Adam (Genesis 5:2 KJV-Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam.). Created on conditional grounds, wherein the responsibility for maintaining obedience to the Lord's directions was the condition which determined Adams' relationship to the Lord. Initially, an uninhibited relationship, of free exchange and intimate dialogue without restriction of self-consciousness nor of lack of respect for God's being as sovereign.
Then, upon disobedience, Man's relationship with the Lord changed, even as to distinguish between male and female in condition.
The other pastor listened to last night pointed out that God showed mercy, in their fall. To have enacted judgment would have been to've eradicated the race of Man, rather than to place conditions upon their continuation which ultimately bespeak a need for reconciliation unto God.
It's generally a given that, in order for someone to have true appreciation for a concept, the juxtaposition must be experienced. For sadness to be realized, happiness had to've at one point been experienced, for instance.
I don't know how true that is. I really don't.
I built my life around much of it, for the longest time--thinking the only way to truly know things was to experience them, directly. There's probably a name for that line of thought.
Either way, just...something which one did claim in regard to a potential cause for this all...
...knowledge of God being the epitome of experience. Direct revelation of God being the absolute pinnacle of our potential experience...
...that's as far as that particular is going, right now.
Back to the other. Fruit.
God as THE supreme being, sovereign, entirely self-contained...needs nothing. He doesn't need us.
He doesn't need our works. In fact, trying to please Him is basically self-idolatry...so far fallen are we all, that our righteousness is as filthy rags to Him, so Holy is He.
It may help to identify righteousness for what it is, by the way--it was finally a thing to do, for me, two days ago (yesterday?): It is an attribute that implies that a person's actions are justified
The important thing is to realize that righteousness implies action. Maybe all the rest of the world has always known that--no idea, here...but, for me, the term had always been something rather mysterious. Righteousness being right standing, righteousness coming from the righteous.
But what is it?
What seemed, from reading through about God (the source of any true righteousness, period)...
...is that it proceeds out from those who are good (read 1 John). Whereby goodness of nature has, by fact of being, yielded itself into producing likewise good works.
It all ties back into good trees bearing good fruit. Whereas bad trees cannot yield good fruit.
And a perpetually contingent consideration to that bit about good trees bearing good fruit is that...they only do so when abiding in the true vine, then being pruned by the Father...and one ought simultaneously bear in mind that all things work together for good (fruit?) to those who love the Lord, those called according to His purpose.
We're all just so caught up in the physical portion of our realities that it's nearly completely incomprehensible that the fruit wouldn't be measured according to those sorts of guidelines, on the whole. However, it's increasingly come to attention that the spiritual truths of the matter are what are the more vital for consideration.
Initially, consider this:
Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
And, that all just from walking in the Spirit, which is what distinguishes those who are the sons of God.
Put another way:
If we don't walk in the Spirit, we're not abiding in Christ, and will not produce fruit.
The only way for us to produce fruit is to abide in Christ.
To abide in Him is to continue in His Word.
His word need dwell richly in us, that we may know truth.
The Spirit of Truth dwells in those who are believers.
This Holy Spirit guides us into all truth, which sets us free.
This, as we have presented ourselves as a living sacrifice to God.
The world cannot receive truth, as it doesn't recognize it, but those who trust in Jesus receive.
Only those whom the Father draws can come to receive salvation.
Those whom He has such mercy upon, as to draw.
And being thus drawn--to repent of wickedness, knowing Jesus as Messiah.
Loving Him, who first loved us...so much that He died as a sacrifice which satisfied our due wrath from Father God. Further, He resurrected on the third day, then ascended to the Father.
Trusting in this Christ as our Savior, we must abide in Him to be saved.
To abide in Him, we must continue in His word, being transformed by the renewal of our minds.
We must be transformed, sanctified unto His image, unto the holiness which He has asked of us.
We must walk in the Spirit, led into all truth, constantly being cleansed by the Word.
Being led by the Spirit, the Father will prune us, and the Spirit will produce fruit in and through us as we continue abiding in Christ.
Unto further repentance. Unto further sanctification. Unto further transformation.
Unto all freedom from this world, all freedom from the curse of the law...freedom in the law of life in Christ, He being resurrected and ascended to reign.
But none of it's us.
It's all grace.
All of it.
So anything which comes through us, by way of our hands, has to be given entirely to God. Not as part of a checklisted agenda for "Works Required to Assert Faithfulness."
God doesn't need us. He never did. He never will.
Any thought otherwise is idolatry.
Grace is all. His love is all. He loves. And He has mercy.
As one message listened to in part so aptly put:
God has all the most magnificent gardens in creation. He has them, and has all the workers to maintain them. He doesn't need our small garden. He doesn't need our little contribution in works.
He has no need of it, whatsoever, and it's absolutely paltry in comparison with anything which ever was...like, say, compared with the works of Moses.
...but...
...if you'll give Him the garden.. If...you'll wholeheartedly give Him whatever you can do, rather than planning and doing it all yourself... ...if you'll give it to Him, with all sincerity and open-heartedness...
...He'll accept it. And He'll claim it as His own, no matter that it adds no benefit to Him.
Just...He will not reject what's given in Spirit and truth.
He will produce fruit through an abiding branch.
That's all.
Just...praying.
Mind keeps going back to the fellow who "prophesies." In terms of there being the distinction whereby what comes from the Lord God comes to pass, and further a distinction wherein certain things the Lord spoke were conditional upon obedience to His will...
Deuteronomy 18:21-22, "And if thou say in thine heart, How shall we know the word which the LORD hath not spoken? When a prophet speaketh in the name of the LORD, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the LORD hath not spoken, but the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously: thou shalt not be afraid of him."
...just, it crossed my mind of that one, thinking of all the things that go around on Facebook where "Like this post or you're a heretic"-sort of things are bandied about like party-favors. And there are folks who apparently take that abominable nonsense seriously, further compounded abomination by the superstitious ideologies fed into by such trite nonsense. Even as there are those who believe it true.
I know this from personal experience, having confronted it recently in another. On another matter, admittedly, but one no less serious.
Still broken-hearted over the abominations being perpetrated in the midst of the church, then segued into mention of how niece had left another church only having been impressed upon that someday she'll be able to cast spells which are effective, mentioning the name of the one who'd mentioned witchcraft from the pulpit--same as he who prophesies...
...and was attacked. Because, "how else are they supposed to warn people about the enemy? People have to know about the enemy."
...VERY gently submitting that the Gospel was the message which makes the difference...
...yielded a more violent attack, verbally. Still with the insistence that it was his responsibility to let people know about the enemy--this, from the mouth of one of the pastors at the church in question, from which this prior-mentioned fellow had spoken so briefly but effectively on the power of witchcraft as to completely transfix my six-year-old niece...but by the grace of God, I'm continuing to pray that the Lord completes a work of regeneration in her and delivers her from all such nonsense.
The distinction between what happened to my niece and what was going on in the new church which had most recently completely devastated was said to be that the pastors at the church which perpetrated abomination unto my niece don't take money (or much, at least) for their office. So, because of that, they're exempt from falling prey to worldly designs, I was basically told.
*sigh*
If only it were so.
To be so proud of being free from worldly designs is a complete contradiction unto itself--the complete certainty with which such things are presented absolutely boggles my mind and makes me wonder if perhaps I am completely wrong (certainly not the first, nor would be the last time). No idea, just...being nearly screamed at over the importance of telling people about the devil seems to run entirely counter to everything known about the power of the Gospel.
Yeah, so what that he runs rampant and does random stuff in the world--God has to allow it, in order for him to even move. Seems like, still, noting the stuff the devil does...you'd kind of want to draw nearer to God, to find out what's going on. Like what-with Job. If Job had gotten caught up in worrying over the devil, rather than perpetually lamenting the perceived loss of closeness to God, do you think things would have gone as they did?
Ultimately, it doesn't matter what the devil does. Because it's who God is which is all that matters.
Is He deliverer, or isn't He. Is He sovereign, or isn't He. Is He supreme, or isn't He. Is He in control, or isn't He.
Is He intimately known and completely involved in every single aspect of your life, or is He offering you an opportunity to allow you to draw nearer to Him? Grace is amazing. His mercy abounds.
I'm just so heartsick with seeing people choose to dwell moreover on the works of the condemned than upon the works of the Almighty. Basically--if you're not walking with God, it won't do you any good to know what the devil looks like. If you're not walking with God, you're lost anyways.
And if you are walking with God, the most important thing in the world is to draw nearer to Him and to know Him better and more intimately.
Anything else often seems the blind leading the blind. And I have absolutely no idea what to think of that, except that it has periodically crossed my mind over the past year or so. No idea why.
Because it's utterly beyond me to know men's hearts. The Lord knows men's hearts, though. He knows all things. Far better than any of us could ever even begin to comprehend--He just knows. Just knows. No rationalizing, no deliberating...just knows.
...
Certain things have been especially troubling, lately. In terms of it being a work entirely of the Holy Spirit, for someone to be drawn to Jesus and to be regenerated...what could be done on my part, to even begin to hope to try to get someone to come to that??? Seriously.
Praying, and praying, and praying more. And trying to talk to people about the Gospel, and just praying to have the words, to do as the Holy Spirit wills, to be led...and then, rejection. Not even willingness to be heard out.
It's heart-wrenching. And makes me want to just go with the whole beating over the head with a Bible-sort of ideology which had always been so loathed from Christians unto cohorts, in prior years. Makes me want to, out of desperation. Which...if I'm going to get to the point where desperation is what's directing speech...I'm not so sure that's the right course.
Because it has to be the Lord. Either way, in all ways, it has to be Him.
I can't ultimately do anything, except whatever He wills or allows.
Just...the thought of family perishing is utterly devastating, in ways. And it's very difficult not to get caught up in that thought, as mentioned beginning all this writing.
I trust Him, though. Unequivocally. Irrevocably.
The Lord is all.
And He is sovereign.
So, just to continue with the prayer.
Because whatever His will is, even as things may not make sense in moments or at times, His will is good. For He is good. And that is everything. His love is everything. Grace is everything.
One moment at a time.
Surprisingly, this all writing did help some bit. To line things out, in mind. Even as bits are still left suspended, well enough for now.
More with the listening to the Word, now. And maybe Psalms.
Even though Leviticus has just been absolutely riveting today, confoundingly.
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