But the only thing that matters is. Just Him. Jesus.
The work of the Lord, through redemption, just exceeds comprehension.
This whole thing, lately, as clearly identified by brother Paul Washer, is so very heart-rending. Writing, looking back on my own experience of salvation, as this past week--I'd so been wondering about it. Because the timeframe just doesn't make sense in terms of the expectation that saying the "sinner's prayer" equates to salvation.
What had been even more troubling to me, in examination of the process, was my experience with church in youth. I had just been completely unable to reconcile my experiences from that period. Completely. Because I know that...at some point...the "sinner's prayer" had been a part of all that, too.
Just, even as I'd had some experiences of God, then, I hadn't surrendered my life completely. That's not something can be done, then retracted. Either you get to that point, and it's done in spirit and truth unto regeneration...or it's just not been done.
The proof that I hadn't been saved was in the life I'd been living up until a couple/few months ago, earlier this year.
And I still need to read more of Hebrews and Romans, again, to receive more clarity in the way things happened. If it's possible to even know.
Just, that song. That song is a point of curiosity.
Eh. Maybe it's just again that the work of regeneration hadn't been performed, is all. Because partial surrender still isn't surrender.
Hearing the calls to repentance just makes me concerned, though--yes, we need to repent. All of us, all the time, every time convicted by the Holy Spirit. That last point though, is what catches--repentance is a work of the Holy Spirit, as it convicts us of sin.
I just keep getting caught up on what part ever could be played by man, in that. Just spreading the Gospel?...just giving personal witness of Christ? As awesome a thing as speaking of Him is.
Maybe that is the bottom line.
Then, for those who are converted to study scripture together, as a means of learning more about His ways and of sanctification?
There does just seem a delineation.
But, then, I'm forgetting that the Holy Spirit is supposed to lead in all things, period.
I keep hearing people singing about Heaven without mentioning Christ and it makes my heart ache. There's no such thing as Heaven without Him--He IS Heaven, as far as I'm concerned. Praise and worship and fellowship...communion.
Talking to Jesus. I can't even imagine what it will be like to be directly there, right in front of Him, seeing Him. Imagining it would be a pretty fearsome and completely overwhelming experience, just given what I know and what the prophets wrote.
He's the center of it all. Of everything.
So, it just always strikes an off cord to hear people talk about Heaven or sing about Heaven and then mention Him as an afterthought, rather than as the central focus. And for no one to seem to concur on that point is very concerning.
Just...prayers. Nothing is impossible for God. All things are possible in Christ.
I wonder if there's any truth to what I'd heard somewhere about Chinese Christians working out mission trips to come and try to evangelize Americans. There's definitely need, and I can't imagine that anyone except the redeemed in Christ would recognize it.
Lord, help us all.
Been studying stuff about worship, too, and wondering how much that goes on really is emotionalism, effectively self-idolatry. Is there any way to know, aside of to pray through the all?
Most of what I see is folks just listening to music. Sometimes it strikes a chord, sometimes the Holy Spirit moves to repentance even, but...how is there to worship in spirit and truth, as a congregation?
I'm not sure. There's so much chaos in the world.
Reading Laubach, now. An except from his collection of "Letters by a Modern Mystic:"
That's the second entry in the book.
January 20, 1930 – Conscious listening to the inner voice
Living in the atmosphere of Islam is proving – thus far – a tremendous
spiritual stimulus. Mohammed is helping me. I have no more intention ofgiving up Christianity and becoming a Mohammedan than I had twenty
years ago, but I find myself richer for the Islamic experience of God.
Islam stresses the will of God. It is supreme. We cannot alter any of His
mighty decrees. To try to do so means annihilation. Submission is the first
and last duty of man.
That is exactly what I have been needing in my Christian life. Although I
have been a minister and a missionary for fifteen years, I have not lived the
entire day of every day in minute by minute effort to follow the will of God.
Two years ago a profound dissatisfaction led me to begin trying to line up
my actions with the will of God about every fifteen minutes or every half
hour. Other people to whom I confessed this intention said it was
impossible. I judge from what I have heard that few people are really trying
even that. But this year I have started out trying to live all my waking
moments in conscious listening to the inner voice, asking without ceasing,
“What, Father, do you desire said? What, Father, do you desire done this
minute?”
It is clear that this is exactly what Jesus was doing all day every day. But it
is not what His followers have been doing in very large numbers.
The nod to Islam is very surprising. But, in context of how he mentions it...makes a lot of sense. I've heard a number of folks lament that Christians aren't as zealous and devoted as Muslims. There MUST be total devotion, all else equates to nothing--just as I'd experienced.
Incomplete devotion equates to a lack of faith, and salvation is by grace, through faith. So, lack of devotion more or less comes down to a lack of salvation.
How can a person say they have faith in God, if they don't follow His commandments and obey His laws, after all? How can a person say they have faith in God, if they don't take seriously His covenant?
That's been my experience, at least. It wasn't until I'd gotten to the point of total surrender and gave it ALL up, in favor of devoting myself to fulfilling the first commandment--love God with all your heart, and mind, and strength. Having Him be the desire of my heart, beyond anything, above all things. Effectively which equates to tearing down idols.
Because, as He said--you can't serve two masters. You'll love one and hate the other, ultimately. And to love anything above or even beside God is to show Him disdain. Because He's worthy of all devotion.
It's a very tricky situation for this modern world of fast times and "high ideals." Idols abound beyond comprehension.
Self-idolatry is the absolute core of the all, though. Through such mainstream propaganda as self-esteem quotas and the purported abiding need for self-confidence. Thinking highly of oneself effectively is calling God a liar. Having high confidence in self is effectively calling God a liar.
We're either condemned by our sinful natures as having fallen short of the glory of God or we're not, and my direst knowledge is to know I am such a wretch. It is only Christ which is good, in me.
And that's by grace. Wholly by grace. His mercy is profound.
Everything in this world is set up to set people at odds with God. Seriously. From the fact that people no longer believe in disciplining children, to the belief that we all must be self-sufficient unto ourselves...even as those who can't maintain it are considered failures, and they ofttime end up falling prey into the very same bits of pride as all the rest, regardless. Everyone is all about being proud.
I grew up with people questioning why I wasn't proud of myself. Now known a blessing, though still pride is such a pitfall. ...parents proud of me beyond reason, to the extent it was embarrassing, with pressure to perform at ever higher levels of competence. Anything less than perfection was met with disapproval and rejection, unto discipline.
So, I grew up knowing that no matter what I did, it would never be good enough. And even as that caused me such difficulty in trying to operate by the world's edicts, it is such a blessing to know moreso the truth of the matter unto repentance. The things I have done, the things I did...are horrible beyond comprehension, taken in terms of what it meant to God. I read so much of Old Testament prophecy and directly see my rebellion and disobedience in that of Israel. And hearing God's lamentation...is heart-breaking.
Absolutely heart-breaking and devastating to what had remained as sense of self, unto sense of self-righteousness. Everything was a tragedy. An abomination. Absolute defiance. Heart-breaking and deserving of absolute retribution.
But He saved me. He redeemed me. He transformed me. And renews me. To know that He so loved me is beyond my ability to comprehend. And makes me love Him all the more.
This world, though, is full of pain and despair and desolation and pride and envy and rage and lust and enmity. And it has set itself directly in opposition to God. Some of recent readings in Isaiah mention that there would come a time when people even got to the point where they would say that the God of Israel was no longer alive. Such a blasphemy, so to be said...and they say it, now.
Has there ever been a time when people were this diametrically opposed, world-wide, to the Truth?
So much of what brother Paul Washer talks about puts it all into such precise terms, as to the state of matters. By the grace of God.
Some of what I heard today did further put into context the extent of my abominable behavior. This past week and some, so much time has been spent trying to make sense of how far off-track I'd been. Which, really bears little significance, given revelation whatsoever of the abomination, unto repentance.
But some things have lingered as wanting for identification, given the things going on in circumstances, as to understand why certain things are become so troubling. I'd been quite torn over the sciences, these past few weeks, as a precise matter which has been concern for prayer.
For so long, knowledge of the world via the sciences had been the utmost. And, even along the initial of this new way of walking through life, there'd still been such temptation to dabble in bits and pieces here and there for "the sake of knowing what's going on," as kept being said.
Something my dad said clicked, though, a couple months ago. In regard to evolution, specifically. All of a sudden, there was just complete acceptance of supremacy of the Bible, then. Where, apparently, there'd still been some internal conflict remaining.
I'd been so steeped in the ideologies of the world. Such abomination. But the Lord has been breaking them all away, through the Word and prayer and study.
This past week, though, there'd just been a number of things run across which were questioning the Bible. They were consistent of a few different matters. One, in which there's apparently debate in the world over whether the Bible can be used as a means for studying the Bible (in terms of prophetic word, thematic tendency, and historical accuracy...and, really, just as a whole). That, in essence, an argument over whether the Bible is inspired literature, as opposed to secular literature. The end point being that, yes, it is inspired. The consistency throughout is beyond comprehension, given the span and breadth of the texts. The second bit of concern/debate/argument has consisted over whether the Bible is inerrant. To the extent that, even as it wasn't expressed in these terms, still the implication remains--is it possible for man to corrupt the Bible?
It all seems like semantics.
The Lord is the Lord, and nothing happens except that He either decrees or allows it. And I don't know, precisely, except of what bits wandered across in regard to His word. That it never returns void, but goes always to the purpose and end it was sent. Isaiah 40 says the word of the Lord will stand forever, too. And, Psalm 93:4-12:
For the word of the Lord is right;
and all his works are done in truth.
He loveth righteousness and judgment:
the earth is full of the goodness of the Lord.
By the word of the Lord were the heavens made;
and all the host of them by the breath of his mouth.
He gathereth the waters of the sea together as an heap:
he layeth up the depth in storehouses.
Let all the earth fear the Lord:
let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him.
For he spake, and it was done;
he commanded, and it stood fast.
The Lord bringeth the counsel of the heathen to nought:
he maketh the devices of the people of none effect.
The counsel of the Lord standeth for ever,
the thoughts of his heart to all generations
Jesus is the Word, so in that sense, there's no question that Jesus, as the Word, is incorruptible.
In this passage of Psalm, though, it specifies that the counsel of the Lord stands forever, too. And, I dunno what other people's experience has been, but the Bible has certainly proved to be counsel of the Lord unto me.
I just always wonder, though, about denunciation. Something I read not long ago referred to hypocrites as being the only who were suitable for public denunciation. But, then--again, I have no idea.
Back to the bit which was akin to whiplash, listening today--the question is not truly over inspiration of Scripture, but as to whether it is sufficient. For all things.
Washer contests that it is, and that all the sciences which are so rampant today were actually formed in large part (or in entirety) as an attack against Biblical living. Sociology, psychology, and...well, all the rest, really, may as well be included.
That was a major point of internal rebuke, to me. I made my life about the study of those things. The pursuit of them. Even having been able to more recently acknowledge them as wholly inferior to anything of the Lord, still, there'd been this odd sort of holding space within which didn't account them as sacrilege.
But, if one considers the Scripture wholly sufficient, then relying in any capacity upon the others in context of "theological discussion" or "religious practice" is sacrilege.
There's such a prevalent argument, though, in that they can play supportive roles. As in the instance of therapists and counselors, doctored psychologists, with Christian businesses and practices. Just...I don't know how much is too much, or whether there is a line, or whether there can be.
Because...if doing both, while honoring God first, still ends up meaning that someone is effectively serving two masters?
This all has just been on my mind a lot, these past few days, when referring to meteorological reports for weather prediction. To the extent that I've started to feel as though it's a sinful thing to do, and that just has confounded me.
But, that whole last bit has developed out of further consideration of the whole bit about mediums and psychics. And I still either don't have clarity or am in need of further prayer and study, as to accept.
I don't know.
More with prayer and study, as it's entirely serious.
And people would probably laugh at me over it, most likely.
Just, having been delivered from the abominations of the occult and social sciences, which tie in so well together, it's beyond me to take any chances. They all basically deny God's sovereignty, and assert man as equal and/or above the Creator...which is total sacrilege. Blasphemous, ultimately.
Relying on one's own understanding and will, completely without regard for and ofttimes in conscious opposition to God.
God is supreme. Period. Sovereign, above all, and none to even compare. None.
So, when pastors start talking about pentagrams, jokingly, in the pulpit...or talking about some of the crap they've either witnessed or heard of witches doing...or talking about how people will be performing unholy deeds...or talking about satan in any direct capacity, really...
..it's always now a cause for total concern. Because it's just too easy to cross that line into affording him some sort of worth, via word, when he's defeated, condemned, and the only true point for consideration is the Christ is eternally King and Savior and all praise and all glory and all honor and all thought should be to and of Him.
One point which had been able to be translated recently on this, though, was in mentioning horoscopes. People consider that a trifle.
But it's occult.
Period.
No "well, it's not THAT bad"--it's in direct opposition to the Lord's will, as outlined in the Bible, and so it's rebellion. It is an abomination.
The Lord could chose that any of us could perish at any moment, if it's His will. At ANY moment.
Now, even.
Or that our entire world would just fall apart, without a thing to be done except to scrape by with whatever's possible, if it be His will that such a thing come to pass. (Katrina was...very world-altering.)
He is to be revered above all things. And so should His will be.
Which is all the more reason to have read and continue to read the entire Bible, as to better know His will, as revealed.
His law is written on the hearts of those who know Him under the new covenant.
What will it take for us all to have the fear of God in our hearts, so as to shudder at the very thought of going against His will?
That sort of stuff isn't to play with, is all, and so often people laugh about such atrocities. Even my little brother (not the youngest, but the second to youngest), recently. I pointed out to him that he was playing at devil's advocate--said in all seriousness--and that it wasn't something to be taken lightly. He acknowledged it as being like playing russian roulette, to which I pointed out that he was on-point, and that eventually you wind up with the loaded cartridge.
Precisely that sort of mentality is what's so rampant nowadays, and so very destructive. I know it, for having been so entirely caught in it for so long--thank the Lord and praise Him forever for deliverance!
You can't go about constantly putting your hand on every stove top you come across and not expect to get burned. Eventually, one will be hot. Same goes with going down every mental channel available. Eventually, you wind up going down one that turns out to be too vast a maze, ever entered, to be readily exited. The mentality which prescribes a necessity for considering every possible alternative is as that, and it oft leads to pessimism, such that "it's better to expect the worst, even if you hope for the best" or even worse, one which leads you to try every path.
Rather, go to the Lord. Pray about things, without ceasing. Consult the Scripture. Fellowship with the Holy Spirit, and rely not on your own understanding. We can only ever know so much, no matter what we try or how far we advance in "knowing all there is to know in the world." God knows everything, so you have no better counselor on ANYTHING, and He's right there. For His children, He's always with us and, as my experience has been, always willing to listen and direct.
There are so many things that still are being routed out...and I still fall short so often. Yesterday night, for example, I gave into self-pity for a brief while in regard to certain things which just aren't a matter of course. And it was terrible, to do. And I've felt absolutely horrible about it, all day. How could I have even let that in, given the abiding love of Christ? So bad, can't even..
Absolutely terrible. He forgives and loves me, still, which is all the more humbling.
Certain thoughts which randomly attack have been particularly noisome of late, too, as being so out of place. So, prayer continues. Reading continues.
One day at a time, one step at a time.
*edit:
Okay, so. Reading Laubach, maybe...maybe not:
Perhaps you have begun to suspect what tremendous dynamite lies hidden inI know for a fact that telepathy is a thing. That telekinetics are a thing. All renounced.
the idea. If the Christian people, the really Christian people of the world
began to comprehend the power of thought, they could use it as a lever to lift
the world! If people realize that telepathy is a fact – though as yet not
reduced to law – that ought to be the signal for a tremendous movement
among Christian people to keep their thoughts right, to make them helpful
every hour from morning to night. We may yet attempt to make the world
over by the sheer force of good thoughts!
Renounced. Repented.
And, the whole thing with the mysticism bit which was whiplash a number of weeks ago was of consideration for how it was a "barter" attempt with God or any. When, in effect, nothing we can do is of any account. Only should the Lord seek to glorify Himself through us are we in any effect honored to perform as producing fruit, by course of our salvation.
Or, at least that had been my most recent impression.
But for Laubach to note telepathy, I'm not sure. I spent a few weeks going over that before realizing it as operating, in capacity, through self rather than the Lord. Rather than submission to His will, an effective exertion of one's own will. And it is effective. And it can be. And it's every bit as much an abomination as any other, from what bit thus far has been comprehended.
We're to seek first His kingdom. Seek Him first.
So, I'm not sure what sort of contortion of that it is to effectively influence the folks around you, as of that. It's my understanding that the work of the Holy Spirit is to lead people to Christ and to convict them of sin--not mine, even as I may be used as a vessel for the Spirit so to work. We are to pray, we are to submit, we are to perform the work of the Gospel, but...praying does not equate to consciously attempting to influence others, telepathically. It's spiritual communication with God, handing it unto Him to do as He wills, given that His thoughts and ways are so much higher than our own. That last bit is why it is absolutely so very, utterly important that we not meddle. He is sovereign and makes all things work to the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose...but isn't it better to have God's will be done than to try to pre-empt it and basically add chaos? Which, as that latter part goes--oh, the stories. I can entirely attest to how much destruction can be effected by someone who attempts to do the will of God without actually SUBMITTING to the will of God. Pre-empting...not good, y'all. Or, again--attempting to pre-empt.
No bueno. Then again, maybe other people have entirely different roles and parts in God's will so as that may be a part of His will for them? I have no idea--entirely beyond me. Just, I know it was a course I walked for a looong time, and it was utterly heinous and absolutely chaotic and ultimately destructive...and by the grace of God, alone, am I still here to attest to any of it. By His grace and mercies.
But that goes back to the bits about how horrendous it is to evangelize in such a way that you're effectively emotionally manipulating people rather than doing as was directed--spreading the Gospel...and the Holy Spirit performs His work.
I'm not sure what to think of this.
Just to pray.
That's why mysticism is such a slippery slope, though. It begets thoughts of exercising power by one's own will, rather than in full submission to the Lord.
And that is an abomination. Especially if one knows the sovereignty of the Lord, as one should then be in reverential fear to step beyond one's place. It's seductive. In the strongest sense of the term, is it. To exercise the power of one's will. And having an experience of the supernatural, from which to source knowledge of possibility? Utter abomination.
The Lord's will is beyond comprehension. Just to pray and study, and be led by the Spirit. If the Spirit wills that a person should do certain things within their will to do, then so be it done, but to have gotten an idea of the reality of supernatural and then use that as a platform for exercising one's own will? Without asking the Lord whether it's a proper course?
No. It's a means to one's own destruction, ultimately. As...what's that saying?...power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely? So it is, with man, if he goes by his own designs.
Edit2*
Alrighty then. So, dude ended up comparing Jesus with Buddha in such a way that he made no distinction. And considered him an epitome of all mankind should strive for. Negating his status as God, effectively, over the course of the "book."
So much of what he wrote reminds me so much of what I'd been writing a year, two years, and even periodically at other points prior, before. The whole "communing with the universe"-ideology which is so rampant.
He even questioned whether the only way to God was through Jesus. Explicitly.
I'd done the same, a year ago.
And, there's been a vast change, since.
Praying to Jesus, as no man comes to the Father except through Him.
The idea of the Trinity is just far exceeding my ability to comprehend, though, so that's not even something to be wandered into.
I can't even really say when exactly repentance began. Just that it did, this year, and that the idea of Jesus' persecution and of His Father's wrath for all our sins being poured out on Him is beyond grief. Moreso now that a few months ago.
Moreso this year than last.
Increasingly.
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