Audio-only link (save bandwidth!).
Or..video sermon link.
What the Lord uses to draw me nearer may not be so for others. And there are definitely a lot of things I'm still completely, utterly, blindly ignorant to of holiness and of God--so, I have no idea whether there are glaring errors that haven't been made aware, yet. I'm moreso concerned that this message relayed a lot of confirmation of the Lord's recent leading, especially concerning preserving me from particular temptations and directing me toward fellowship.
So--in other words--this message seriously encouraged me. I'd been avoiding listening to TSCNYC sermons for a couple months, distressed. But looking through recent titles given, may prayerfully listen to a few more again, after all. Particularly curious of the one from the 18th, so will pray.
The Lord used a message given through Conlon to initially set me to leave the churches I'd been attending after initially having begun to walk with Christ, in 2014 (used the same message to get me out of one of them, again, at the beginning of this year).
I almost went back to that latter church again, this past week--it's in a neighboring state, so the drive was so helpful, and the thought of worshipping the Lord was just...so needful. Even knowing it would be really bad to go--just so desperate to be somewhere to worship the Lord, in congregation, I was willing to endure whatever just to draw nearer Christ.
He restrained at the last minute, redirected, and just continued the drive, though. And I've been so grateful. Grateful there's been a lot of driving, recently, too (have marginally battled guilt over that, but...not enough energy to manage to sustain guilt, so it's fallen away under the greater weight of Christ's own bearing). Driving equates to time with the Lord, and if I had somewhere long-distance to go (other than Canada--I'm not going to Canada, right now, though perhaps for Christmas)...I'd totally head out for a cross-country, again.
Just to disappear for a while with the Lord.
Argh. But, then, listening to the message above linked...
...I will content myself to let Him keep me relatively still. Although this weekend and the one two weeks from now are still under negotiation. Still under negotiation from my end, at least. Which basically means they're not in negotiation, and I just haven't capitulated quite yet--because maybe, just maybe I will be granted leave...and no--not "leave of my senses." Those have been long since gone.
Anyway. I'll do what He wills. Whatever that is, when the time comes. Between now and Friday, absolutely anything could happen.
The past two days have definitely been a surprise, already.
So, however Jesus leads--just, whatever. Though I'm definitely pushing for being permitted to disappear for at least 36 hours surrounding my birthday, if that would be in keeping with what He would direct. And I haven't been able to remember, but it really seems like there was actually something scheduled already? Like last year--there was a full week of evening services, which was wonderful, and I got notice of it a month in advance. Then, there was a mountain, day of. And then a birthday party, too, with many colors and happy people whom I care about.
I count the rainbows as part of this year's present. already. But Jesus is the best gift, Himself (thus wanting time with Him, yesh). That's even taking into account that the very first birthday present He ever gave me was life.
And...since I'd rather have His will than my own, considering matters of fellowship with others which will likely remain especially painful for quite some time...then, it seems like it might be good to just run away with the Lord for another full night and day. Or, at this rate, perhaps a month's worth of days. Or more? He's allowed me a strange reprieve, lately, as goes all that--while even still spending marginal time tossing music and devotionals in the blog's general direction, here.
He's been helping me remember how to play in the woods, though--I'd forgotten how much fun it is to just cavort with the Lord. That's far better than giving in to the temptation that's been attempting to wholly overwhelm--to sleep and remain asleep and then sleep some more and just not get up or leave the house (none of which have been permitted as options, by grace and continued intervention).
Avoiding home has been the best means of fighting temptation, as those have gone. And maybe there'll continue being opportunities to share of the Lord with others, as He feels inclined to arrange. ^_^ That has helped so much, too. I'd been missing it for a while, asking for opportunities. Still asking.
The past month and especially the past week has been so strange, though. More time alone with the Lord than in months, blessedly. Greater fellowship with Him than in such a while (still praying for greater depth and clarity). And more revelatory experience in the Word than had been the case for a while--no longer rote as had unfortunately slipped to being the case, when the time comes and passes, again become refreshing and clarifying. And all come of a deeper love for Him, again.
Whatever the cost to remain near Him, then. Preferring to draw nearer, still. And of others, too, I will continue to pray.
There's been so much suffering around. So much pain. So much devastation. But for Christ who redeems and gives strength to continue, we'd all be long gone and destroyed by the magnitude of varied trials. He is our provider. He is our strength. He is our keeper. He loves us beyond measure.
So however things go, to whatever ends, the Lord will line things out. Even if it feels like going through a meat grinder, in process. Still, He will line things out. He'll line me out. He'll line out all of those whom He loves and whom He has redeemed. And even if there isn't anything else, in the meantimes of abject suffering when one's heart is flayed and incinerated by the wounds and fires of varied trials...then there'll ultimately still be the joy of receiving His comfort as He sanctifies and directs and lavishes love in the midst of every suffering.
Though weeping may endure for the night, joy does come in the morning.
Many prayers.
May the Son rise quickly to greet you all. His love endures. And He is faithful.
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