Serve As Unto the Lord

He gives grace to endure. Despite circumstances which might seem oppressive beyond measure. He will renew our strength. In the stillness, the quiet place of rest within His love.

There's such great need, in so many directions. Seeming insurmountable, impossible to even begin.

But there is a way, in Christ. Forward, slowly, incrementally by His leading. Even asking Him to send more into the field, all the while.

Time aside with the Lord is vital. As is time spent aside with Him poring over His Word vital.

First beginning to walk with Him, in earnest, there wasn't much time spent devotedly aside. Bits and pieces, here and there. And pondering, on the side--prayerfully. Time talking with Him. So much was so utterly incomprehensible (and all the moreso, now, except to have a deeper trust per increasing in knowledge of who He is).

There's still such a struggle, sometimes, to remain devoted to time with Him in the mornings and evenings (and in between). All the more to be turned from demeaning or undermining or looking down on any who aren't consistently turned to His Word and time spent alone with Jesus...realizing that even devotion on that front is by grace.

Part of yesterday's distress may come from wrongly interpreting the exhortation to devote to ministry alongside brothers and sisters, as a work unto the Lord. I'll gladly do what He would have me do, given the entire process will have to be in His strength or otherwise will be self-destructive.

But there's no point committing to something out of a misplaced zeal to do something, just so long as it's doing.

He gives me strength to make it through the occupation to which He's called me, if yet still enduring panic, spiritual attacks, and oppression. And He blessedly has given so many opportunities to fellowship with saints--beyond gathering for worship and edification in the Word--these past many months.

This, in addition to the group which I meet with on Saturdays, and in addition to my couple long-distance sisters in Christ--meeting via phone for periodic, ongoing fellowship.

It came to mind last night and has again just now, something one of the pastors whom I periodically listen to said about the ways of the Lord. Sometimes, He leads by allowing distress and difficulty to come in. Such that, given our own way, we'd never pack up camp and enter new lands. We're perfectly content to let things remain as they are, even if oftentimes with suffering--just anything, rather than to change.

He made a comparison of sorts to the Israelites in the desert, who followed the pillar of cloud and pillar of fire. The cloud shielded them from the burning sun. The fire gave them warmth by night. Otherwise conditions would have been unendurably harsh, in other words.

So, for varied periods of time, they would shelter under the pillar of cloud by day and fire by night in a specific location. But once the pillars moved, they had to pack up camp and follow. Not only as an overt act of obedience in following God, but as otherwise they were left totally exposed to the harsh desert climate, increasingly to their detriment.

Recently read through a Psalm which discussed how those pillars shielded from the harsh desert elements. But the point of the pastor's message was that we, as human beings, become complacent and comfortable--willing to endure difficulties, even, just for the sake of refraining from change. The Lord in His mercy refuses to let us become dormant and stagnant, though.

His will for us is that we be transformed--ever increasingly conformed to the image of Himself. Unto loving obedience, resting upon His power, abiding in His love. Trusting Him. He calls us into varied unfamiliar places as part of that process, where we have absolutely no choice except to trust Him for guidance and for provision in the midst of total uncertainty and unfamiliarity (and often suffering).

Someone recently called it "being stretched." Which, going back to likening Him as our potter...then, yes. Pulled up, stretched into the shape of a vessel fitted to His desired use.

And the process hurts. And it's disconcerting. And the process brings impurities to the surface, too--fear and selfishness and coarseness and anxiety and despair come into the light for scrutiny unto surrender to His sanctifying work in us.

He gives grace to endure the process, though. And it's a far better place to be collapsed before Him crying out for mercy and help, rather than attempting to determine what's going on or why or erroneously attempting to influence the process.

I used to spend a lot of time attempting to chart the best course, navigate and plan for hurdles, mitigate damage along the way, and succeed in accomplishing what seemed right and good. Mercifully, the Lord let me fall apart under the strain of realizing myself incapable of accomplishing good in my own strength--again and again. Mercifully, He allowed me to come to realize my own independent understanding falls too far short to allow for adequate comprehension, unto even a knowledge of what is right.

He knows what's necessary for each of us to come to surrender to a knowledge of His sovereignty and goodness, though. He will lead us into deeper knowledge of Him, as we long to know truth.

And I haven't even the strength to refrain from being tossed to and fro under pressure of the good intentions of others, except that He intervene. Even "knowing better," still I've fallen prey so many times.

So, all I do know to do is trust Him. And ask Him for help in continuing to draw nearer Him. And ask Him for help to desire His will and be obedient. And trust Him to lead me through whatever He would have me do.

With whatever comes, I will trust the Lord. Just asking that for His own name's sake He direct and guide me in what He would have me do. Trusting He would keep me from messing things up or complicating blessed simplicity per my erstwhile, pernicious, lingering confusions (awaiting His deliverance).

There's no a lot of impact a single grain of sand has on the turning of the tide, though (Read: Practically none). So, there's that to find rest in...even still being concerned over the influence each unto each, as particles yet come in contact one with another. But even there, I've been told to trust the Lord's keeping of each of us whom He loves.

And my mess is nothing, in the scheme of things. My difficulties are trivial--I know this, yet become so utterly overwhelmed by them that they loom very large. Even knowing there are those elsewhere who will perhaps lose their lives tonight for the sake of owning Christ. Blessed brothers and sisters, someday to meet.

Maybe I do need to be more involved in serving others. I'd like to be, but it's beyond me to muster the strength to be consistent in serving. I will be praying. I don't want to be conformed to the image of others, but of the Lord. Yet He served so diligently, constantly, and tirelessly in His three years of ministry...and likely with just as much fervor did He work, beforehand. If He wants me to do, then He'll lead me into what, where, and unto whom.

I've already been praying for an opportunity to enter one area, all summer. And found out a month ago that there's already present activity on that front, at least monthly, at current church. So, have been praying since. Perhaps there, as He wills.

Because there whole deal need be led and maintained by Him, otherwise pride will crop up. This world is utterly geared toward celebrating personal activity and busyness, at the expense of honoring God's leading.

Even in terms of committing to a church, though, unless the Lord give peace--I just won't. Last night brought remembrance again of my intent in Tampa to join the two churches where I was regularly attending and involved with activities. Didn't make sense not to be able to join both, being equally involved. Came to know Christ during span while only attending the one, then baptized at the other. Both seemed precious, neither excludable.

So, over course of a couple weeks, I decided to begin the process of joining them both. Then, the process of being relocated out of state pretty much immediately began. And every time I think about joining a church, it comes to mind in such a way that part of moving was being relocated away from intent to make a public covenant with churches apart from the Lord's leading to take such a step.

Relocation wasn't all about preventing membership, no. But it factored on some level.

So, I don't take it lightly.

I want to have somewhere to be. A family. Somewhere I belong, moreover, as an integral part. But not at my own discretion--at the Lord's. So, if not till eternity, then howsoever He wills. He'll give me grace to endure.

But at the very least, maybe He'll direct to enter service on the front that's been a point of prayer for the past few months. And then eventually perhaps on the front which I've requested assistance. Because it certainly came to mind as such, last night, mentioning it the second time. Disconcertingly so.

But I can't do these things. I can't even manage to maintain daily life in my own strength. I'm glad He's willing to help on all fronts.

The pastor of the second church in Tampa, though--there was something he said that really caught, as far as exhortation to those who were single. Banishing the stigma, exhorting us to redeem the time allotted us as unhindered by the concerns of a family toward service to the Lord.
"Go hard for God," is how he cemented the point.

So, yeah. One step at a time.
He'll lead.

He has to--I'm too confused and distressed to manage to park a car well, most days (especially recently), let alone being able to even hope to help people oppressed and confused and in need of encouragement or even practical helps.
But He'll have His way. So, I'm not going to worry about it.

Far more important things I'm abjectly refusing to worry about or being anxious over, as it goes.
Certainly not going to let this bit make the cut.

Blessed exhaustion! I'd never dreamed I could become grateful for exhaustion. Yay! Certainly one effective, if odd, means of whittling down activities and thoughts to those which seem or are most necessary and beneficial.

I'm so grateful He's in control. We really--none of us--have anything to be anxious over. He has all things perfectly in hand, and we don't need to be concerned except with pursuing Him and honoring Him with our hearts, thoughts, and lives. Loving Him, loving others.