Perception vs. Reality?

Appreciating the idea of a person is not the same as knowing them:

There are a lot of people who love the idea of Jesus. Love the idea of who He is and what He's done, but don't actually want to know Him or love Him.

It's not as though there's not a path between--to make it so that love for the idea of Him transitions to love for Him. But He's the only means. His work. Counting the cost. Surrender. Carrying the cross.

Living unto Him.

A big difference from empty praise, though.

But He's not a magic word. He's not an empty idol. He's not a construct of man.
He's not a means to an end. He's not a lucky charm. He's not absent the room.

He's the living God. He's a loving Savior who extends scarred hands to those whom He loves, entreating us to turn to Him for salvation. He's either presently reigning in our lives, hearts, and minds, or we are, to our destruction.
And He's ever present.

And knowing Him constitutes a relationship--an experience unique and individual or not at all. Even as also a collective experience, it's foremost individual, or not at all.

There's a big difference between the idea of loving Christ and actually loving Him, though. Loving an idea requires no commitment, no effort, no consistency. Loving a living, present God implies relationship, which entails interaction and devotion to some, if varied, extent.

I used to only love the idea of Him, before ever coming to know Him.
The reality of who He is used to scare me beyond a willingness to know Him: I ran from Him, when He revealed Himself to me. But still loved the idea of Him, despite I wanted nothing to do with Him. For a long while.

He's patient, though, and long-suffering. He's full of mercy and grace. And love.
Otherwise I wouldn't still be alive. Otherwise, none of us would be.

I'm now grateful there's the opportunity to continue to seek Him, to increasingly come to know Him better. All despite my running, despite tendencies to attempt to destroy relationship with Him: I've railed against Him so many times, expecting Him to smite me or write me off as too much trouble. Expecting He'd get tired of me, very quickly. And expecting He'd walk away and not put up with me, at all.

He hasn't left me. And He's very gently guided me back to Himself, or even waited very patiently for me to finish running and return (usually after making a particularly nonsensical move which was certain to dissuade Him from continuing to attempt to bother with me). He's been very patient.

He's been that way, too, through certain current friends who know Him. Like one in Canada, whom I was sure would run entirely the other way after being confronted with some bits of the madness and darkness and inconstancy which used to be so much a rule of life, prior to coming to know and love Christ. I was absolutely certain disgust and revulsion would dissuade her from further interaction. She directed me to Christ, though, instead.

We discussed Him, then. Talked about the work He's doing in us, what He's showing us, and sharing of Him with one another. Along which course, the rest fell away under the weight of His presence. Gradually, increasingly.

Because He's not uninvolved. He's intimately involved. And although I do trust Him, I'm still learning to trust.

Though there's a part of me which still clings to fear, expecting I'd still rather have Him just abandon me now than wait to do so past a time when I've loved Him long and trusted Him deeply--to then leave utterly bereft and completely destroyed.

But I know He's not like that. I know it, and yet...I'm still learning to embrace the reality of who He is. I'm still getting to know Him. Time has helped, significantly. So have trials. Scripture. Prayer.

Ideas don't equate to experiential knowledge, is all. I may know various things about the Lord, but it's only through increasingly knowing and understanding Him that fears are seriously unseated and defeated. He overcomes those things, per the sheer weight of His presence, as I draw nearer to Him. As He draws me nearer. Such that a weight of my belief in Him rests upon accurate knowledge of Him and upon the intimacy of my relationship with Him. Otherwise, ideas about Him are empty.

Objective vs. subjective experience. Really makes a difference.
And...sleep.