Two things revisited explicitly, from the past week:
One line of thought that's been more-or-less a (rather unhelpful, unworthy) mantra for the past long while is, "Lord, I don't understand this. I have no idea what's going on right now. This makes no sense." Always with an implicit yearning for clarification of events, and even sometimes with direct request for explanation of circumstances.
All this, as though I should understand what's going on.
There has recently arisen increasing lamentation that nothing makes sense, that I feel utterly out of my depth as incapable of even beginning to understand what and why and how and to what end.
He clarified all that this past week, though (like He does--in a way which was utterly unexpected):
Lamentation of the state of being out of my depth as a "new and unexpected and undesirable thing" is entirely wrong-minded: Realistically, being completely out of my depth is nothing new.
Thing is, when I believed I understood everything going on and believed I understood where things were going and believed I understood my role in circumstances?--I was absolutely, fundamentally wrong:
I was like someone playing connect the dots who completely restricted activity to a tiny corner on the page. Like as maybe connecting the dots in a 1x1" square area--feeling accomplished and well-situated for doing so, although actively, completely ignoring innumerable dots on remainder of the otherwise 100 mile x 100 mile square sheet of paper. Totally illogical. Completely short-sighted. And to compare what I was doing to someone likewise feeling confident about completing 1x1" worth of a 100mi. x 100mi. puzzle?--still fails to even begin to approach the actual scale of reality.
So--sure, I felt like I had things under control. I felt like I was doing what needed to be done. I had convinced myself I knew my little corner of the universe very well and had my "part" under control, is all--completely and willfully ignoring the vastness of reality, as a whole, and especially ignoring the all is essentially an incomprehensibly vast tapestry orchestrated by God.
Point being, though--feeling "out of control" is apt.
I'm not in control: God is.
He's just increasingly allowing me to realize this truth as He leads me to further embrace the truth of reality, the truth of who He is.
And the second-type thing, which follows the first (touched on earlier today, really):
There's no such thing as independence from God. Human or otherwise.
Even ardent desire for independence is sin. It amounts to treason...mutiny.
It's sacrilege.
He is worthy of all devotion. He's that infinitely good and loving and merciful.
And that powerful.
His very being, as He is, demands nothing less than abject devotion per sheer force of Who and How He is. Absolute devotion is absolutely due Him.
Period.
He deserves it. God is due our every obedience, due our abject adoration.
He is worthy.
And that's not even getting into the fact that absolutely nothing exists as apart from Him. Because it's not possible to do so.
Everything subsists in Him--everything which exists only exists in Him, per His will.
So, there's no such thing as actual independence. There's only heartfelt defiance unto permitted delusion of independence.
Yet He allows defiance, despite that He's worthy and due abject adoration, loving devotion, and joyful obedience. He allows us to turn away from Him, in rebellion. He allows us to have what we desire, on that front.
Although rebellion doesn't alter reality. Reality stays the same, it's only our perception which changes--unto further and further delusion, per increasing defiance against truth (self-exaltation is this).
We earn and deserve wrath due us, per such an infinite offense as rebelling against a perfectly loving, perfectly good Creator God who designed us for loving fellowship, worship, and devotion.
He created us: He has prerogative, in terms of what we were designed for--He is the one to set parameters of our existence (giving and taking away life). Such that rebellion against Him--against life, love, joy, goodness--is unto death, wrath, torment, punishment.
We have the option of knowing Him on His terms--unto life, love, and joyful devotion, still: He made a way for us to be reconciled into right relationship with Himself.
He sent His Son to walk among us. To share the truth of who He is. To direct us in the way of life, unto truth, unto reverence for God. And He offered Himself as the propitiation for our sins. He endured and satisfied the wrath due us, so that sin would justly be punished while mercy could also be extended. So that mercy is now extended through His justice, for those who come to know Jesus Christ as our willing atonement, perfect savior, gentle Master, eternal King of All.
He made a way for us to be free of the delusion of independence--Returning to know truth, by Christ's own power manifest unto us by faith in Him. Freed to walk in the light of who God is.
Unto every man a measure of faith is given.
Christ is the author and perfecter of our faith.
He's far more invested in seeing us reconciled to Himself than we are. Far more invested than we could ever be.
Our understanding of how grievous sin against Him actually is...will only extend so far as our understanding of how good, worthy of devotion, loving, powerful, and truly holy our God actually is. But to see He is so full of love for us as to send His own Son?, even being willing to take on flesh so to make a way to reconcile us to Himself?--coming in the flesh to plead with us to turn from sin and return to Him, paving the way with His own submission unto death, then resurrecting?...to see and know He was and is willing?
Truly, He did and does love us.
Loves us enough to die for us, while we mocked and tormented and tortured Him.
Loves us enough to enter and overcome death for us--we had no means of overcoming on our own, despite that we brought it on ourselves by rebelling against Life.
The truth is that rebellion is pointless. Futile. Empty.
Doesn't change who He is.
Doesn't change who we are.
Only changes our experience of reality.
From life unto death.
From love unto wrath.
There's no such thing as independence from God.
We're dependent upon Him for everything--whether we want to be or not.
Again--our desires don't change the nature of reality.
Our will doesn't negate His existence or His sovereignty.
It only impacts our ability to discern truth, as denying truth's very essence to varying degrees.
Yeah, though.
Those are two really fundamental, basic things:
No one is independent.
No one has any idea what's going on, comprehensively.
Delusion is rampant, in other words.
We're dependent upon God for all things. So, all the better to be surrendered into that dependence--consciously relishing His providential direction and provisions.
God knows all things--even knows end from the beginning, and reveals things which aren't yet come to pass. So, all the better to surrender false notions of knowing what's going on, instead to constantly and serenely wait upon His instruction, provision, and shepherding (which includes guidance and protection).
Expect Him to direct your steps and words. He will. He does. Into far better action and speech than otherwise would be the case. And though human frailty does still intrude, it's revealed unto sanctification--recognition unto repentance...working greater, more ardent devotion to Him.
Each of us is--in context of the all of creation--smaller than a grain of sand on the seashore. Yet He ardently loves us each and every one us. Enough to come walk among us--speaking to us directly on familiar terms, so to plead with us to return to Him. And He loves us unto death, unto enduring and satisfying the wrath due us for rebelling. Satisfying holy justice before overturning death, resurrecting, so that we might overcome. Now, eternally reigning, our Savior King.
He was willing. He is willing to save and guide.
That's incomprehensibly wonderful.
Just to depend upon Him, then. Truly. What a blessing...
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!--to walk more fully in the light of truth!
So...
Thank You, Lord.
Jesus, thank You.
For all these things I don't understand.
Thank You.
I trust You.
Whatever Your will.
I am Yours.
You are exceedingly more than enough.
No comments:
Post a Comment