Of Being in the World...and Faith

So...

I have become more sensitive to the reality that the risks faced by our brothers and sisters in Christ in some other countries are, in some places, very much as unto death. That is reality. To follow Christ is to daily walk with the certain knowledge that He preserves life, and to share of Him is a risk all the more. But to be of Him, in some places...is to risk life, livelihood, the health and wellness of family. Physically. Always.

There are other sorts of trials in nations where Christianity is not quite as blatantly persecuted, yet. Our trials seem more toward giving over to the ways of the world and entering a sort of spiritual deadness--having a profession of Christ and knowledge of Him, but little love for Him and little real desire for His work in the world. And alongside this, to deny the reality of the spiritual truths He has revealed in His Word (seeking knowledge of such things beyond what's in His Word is occult pursuit, not of God, though...or even just a consuming desire to be versed on such things, same--worth noting). I've fallen into these pits, also, again and again. They're very real, insidious, and a dire disservice to our Master, who asks we walk in the light of eternal reality and remain sober-minded and alert as we go about making disciples.

The battle is real here, too, is the point.

I've been permitted for the past few years to plead the Gospel, incrementally and sometimes blatantly, as a professional measure--on a technicality, according to my life and the nature of my responsibilities. Though without openly acknowledging such as the case.

I was let to know near the end of my tenure at last year's primary job...it had apparently become well known and discussed within all ranks that I was pleading Christ with people. I did fail so much, in various ways...but...the Lord has dealt with me, and has been merciful despite me.

Over the course of three years' tenure in that position, though...I saw the reality of the need to plead truth with people in this country, being so dire. Delusion and pride are so rife. Distraction per (mindless) amusement is profuse. Spiritual and eternal realities are mocked and utterly discounted as relevant, apart from preference for solely relativistic, self-gratifying interpretations. And beyond all, the sovereignty of God is scoffed at and refused without compunction. He is increasingly openly reviled, as is mention of Him and His ways, in truth.

Along the course of interactions, I was continually surprised that even mentioning church was enough to incite smoldering rage, at times. And sometimes, to mention God was to truly to face wrath. There was mockery, from some. Some, perversion. Sometimes rage. Then, sometimes just discomfort.

The whole was a prayerful walk, though. Full of terror and uncertainty, along the course of learning to love people according to truth and prayerfully seeking and asking that God would guide speech and provide opportunities to share His Gospel.

There were some instances, too, where death seemed not only possible but likely. I did not dare to tell anyone, except the Lord, for fear of being distracted from abjectly trusting Him in utmost submission...and for hope of being able to prayerfully share.

I regret that I failed in so many ways. But...I turn to the Lord with that, too. Knowing all the work has to be His or the laborers labor in vain, anyway.

Just...especially seeing how utterly impossible it was for me to ultimately stand firm, also...I am that much more convinced of the desperation of the need to abjectly turn to and seek Christ, setting aside the world's trivial and seemingly innocuous distractions. And also the more convinced of the need for appropriately Christ-honoring fellowship, which spurs on to greater devotion to God and submission to Him.

We're not here to simply chill and enjoy the tacos. There are blessings which abound, yes, and He has given us to enjoy Himself and the world. He has enriched us with the capacity to love elaborately, to rejoice exceedingly, to revel in the wonders of the world, and the relish the richness of the experiences of life...yet, while fixing our eyes on eternity. Each one of us. So, if we do the things as unto the Lord, then well and good--may He be glorified in our rejoicing and gratitude.

But let's not become slack in our affections for Him? The world is full of the deceitfulness of sin, and our own flesh would yield to temptation apart from being submitted to God and yielded to His service. Consecrate ourselves to Him, even when that may be a consecration to one another, as an outworking.

The thing I have seen again and again is that the joy in His fellowship and rejoicing in Him in fellowship with others and of praising Him and of testifying of the truth of who He is and of being in His Word and meditating continually upon His Word--of ever drawing nearer to Him, by any and all means...is that the joy and fulfillment there is unlike any paltry imitation of satisfaction which sin would meagerly allot, even as with the flavor of death always inclusive. But so long as the rejoicing and remaining in His fellowship steadfastly is not ardently pursued...that joy in Christ is not as restful. Indeed, if I were not continuing to meditate upon Him and testify of the things which He has taught me along the recent course...I would be much given to despair right now...

...but the joy in Him is more fulfilling and satisfying than anything else could ever be or try to be. Because it's right, it's holy, it's pure, it's good, it's founded in truth, and it is unto life and love and liberty in Him. Whereas all the opposite is true, of self-indulgence in anything lesser.

Even those things which in and of themselves may not be bad or impure, but only not beneficial...there's room for a foothold unto temptation to sway from glorifying God.

That has to be prayerfully weighed, is the thing.

We're just...we're in a battle, my dearest brothers and sisters. Our most Beloved has gone before us, and He beckons us draw near Him and walk with Him--taking up our cross daily, denying ourselves. He allots what we need, as we seek first His kingdom and righteousness. He knows our needs. And as we delight in Him, He does give us the desires of our hearts--foremost and centrally and always Him, utmost. To know Him and understand Him is a joy beyond imagining. And the joy of the Lord is indeed our strength.

I remember the first time I fell into a particularly noxious sin again, a few years ago. I don't remember on what count I had begun to slack in my devotions to Christ, but there was an opening to sin. And I remember that there was disgust and absolute revulsion, and the realization of how utterly lacking in measure was the result, versus the unsurpassable joy of being in the Presence of Christ. Problem is, though, as less and less ardency had been the course in remaining fixed in Christ...the reality of the joy of His fellowship and the joy of His Word and the wonder of walking in the purity of His Word...all became more and more dim. And sin became more and more transfixing. The relative weight was seemingly increased. Though unto spiritual death--the searing of the conscience, the hardening of the heart through the deceitfulness of sin. Unto despondency, lifelessness. Lovelessness. And being all the more encompassed by the weight of fears, surrounding.

The only freedom there is comes in the Lord. Not in self. Not in our own efforts. He has to refine our sensibilities to the things of heaven, making those of the flesh unpalatable along the course (we must ask Him to!). And as we draw nearer to Him, our hearts alight with the fire and joy unspeakable which is to know and love Him ardently. Rejoicing in all griefs and sorrows, and in the midst of confusions and impossibilities. All manner of loss is nothing. And that which is deplorable to the world, of seeming uncertainty, is able to be fully trusted as in the hands of a loving, ever-attentive Heavenly Father.

Knowing Him. Which is to trust Him, having ever learned to trust Him. Which is to have faith. Faith is kind of trust in action. I've heard that the word used for faith in the New Testament is basically a verb. It's active.

And I've heard faith explained in terms of having faith in objects. Because the very idea of what faith in God actually is...can seem a bit elusive and hard to grasp. The substance of things unseen, the evidence of things hoped for...sounds amazing, but what does that even mean?: Thankfully, there's context!--we're told that faith pleases God, and further, faith explicitly and basically entails (but is not necessarily limited to) coming to Him:
1) believing He is, 
and
2) believing that He rewards those who diligently seek Him.

That's a fair representation and summation of the above seemingly ethereal statement. Acting upon beliefs about who He is and what He's like, is another way to put it.

So, again: God exists. Period. Believe it. Be convinced of that fact, increasingly, and become increasingly aware of the significant evidences all around--His glory is revealed in all creation. And in Christ! Oh!--the wonder and the joy! So, He exists. And we can know of Him!!! And He rewards those who seek Him???--Is that not unimaginably wonderful?, that He would reward us just because we want to get to know Him? I mean, who does that? So, in other words--He is unimaginably good and kind. And He wants us to approach Him. And He is responsive, when we do: He is personally concerned with our activities, then, and especially our relation to Him. So--many, many things can even briefly be brought out just per those very seemingly simple statements--but then, if you ponder those statements in the broader context of all of His Word?: Oh, the depths of the riches and the wonder of the glory and the wisdom of God, and revealed in Jesus Christ, our Lord! And knowing these things, we approach Him, we act in accord with this knowledge. We seek Him. And that constitutes a whole realm of life-altering and wonderful reality to delve headlong into ardent pursuit of for all eternity.

Back to the consideration of what faith is, again, compared to faith in something simple. What is it to have faith in a chair--if you are willing to unthinkingly set down in a chair without qualm, there is evidence of an unspoken faith in that chair's ability to support your weight, as proven by unflinchingly and unhesitatingly sitting down and remaining seated at full repose. You trust the chair to do what a chair does: There's no concern, no anxiety, no flighty tension while attempting to circumvent an expected fall. In that instance, what is that faith all about?: Your faith is comprised of knowing what a chair is, thus understanding the nature and purpose of chairs at a fundamental level--they are made to be set upon, to support weight. And your faith is also comprised of the understanding that chairs should be able to fully and easily hold your weight when set upon (or stood upon, or jumped on, or however else), without breaking. Your knowledge of what a chair is, what its purpose is, and what its nature is...allows you to trust that you can put your weight upon that chair, without fear of it failing to do what ought to be expected, according to its nature. You can look at a chair and according to your innate understanding of these fundamental principles, almost unthinkingly assess whether you will put your faith in any given chair's ability to hold your weight.

Same basic idea, with people. We act on our trust in others in accord with what we know and understand of them and their nature, particularly regarding their integrity. We put faith in people we have judged to be trustworthy, in accord with the depth of our knowledge of them as a person and our understanding of their principles. We may have faith in what they say and in what they say they will or won't do, depending upon whether we know them well enough to trust them.

Similar is our situation, with God. If we do know Him, we believe Jesus--if we have come to God in humble acceptance that what He says is true is true, we accept that His Word is an accurate representation of reality (of Him, of ourselves, and of all things)...and our only reasonable response is to take Him at His Word, and trust Him to do what He has said He will do, including believing what He's said about our need for redemption and Christ's sufficiency in having redeemed us.

To put our faith in God further entails acting in accord with what He says is good and setting aside what He says isn't good, which is as an outworking of seeking and coming to understand Him. He's told us that if we seek Him, we will find Him, and part of that does include that we will learn about Him and what He has ordained as right. And above all, He has indicated obedience to Him is good and right, and that obedience fundamentally will arise as a consequence of loving Him: If we love Him, we will obey Him. That's fundamental to all things, according to His Word. And He presents many hallmarks of what that actually means--truth (His truth, as presented in His Word) is at the very heart and core of our love, or otherwise it's not actually loving Him but loving a misconstrued or misinterpreted mock-up of what we would rather conceive Him as being. But no...our love has to be for God, and so in order to love Him, we have to know Him, which necessitates getting to know Him: To be disabused of our false notions and disillusioned from our delusional perceptions of reality. So, there's effort involved--we've gotta seek Him out, to know Him, to love Him, to obey Him. But, again, unless we actually--first and foremost--believe He's there (and seriously: we exist and this universe exists--all, standing evidence of His existence: we're created beings)...how are we going to even begin to seek Him, to know Him, to understand Him unto lovingly obeying Him?

So, yeah. Stuff. In the midst of all which, we're told to set aside basically anything which would hinder our pursuit of God.

Does it make sense, then, that being satiated by distractions in and of the world would mute awareness of significant matters of reality, as may constitute a problem?: To be replete in the world is not a pursuit of God, not having one's eyes fixed on Jesus and meditating on His Word, not denying self daily, but constitutes a turning toward alternate pursuits, which then entails desensitization to the reality and the significance of the reality of God's preeminence. That's fundamentally and insidiously concerning. Sin is deceitful. Our hearts are deceitful. The lusts of our flesh, and eyes, and the pride of life tempt us. And we have been told we must walk by the Spirit in order not to fulfill the deeds of the flesh. So, if we aren't on that track with Him, we can know too that will not be denying the flesh. Then, how can we say we are seeking and loving and truly trusting and ardently desiring to obey One whom we would become increasingly less concerned with even the existence of (let alone being concerned with His pre-eminence and sovereignty)--if our daily course of life consists primarily of doing things and thinking things which aren't unto Him? It's so easy to confuse wants and needs. But even the things which the world deems as needful: pursuit of shelter, clothing, food...Jesus said are provided for us, still, as we seek first His kingdom. He said we can't serve God and the things of the world, though: Not even those which seem most needful, we need to seek God and trust Him with it all.

He provides work to put our hand to, strength to undertake, shelter as we need, food and clothing as are necessary to life and health, and all else which is needed so that we would honor Him in the midst of the world--even if that food and shelter is daily provided. And if He didn't, the thing is, He would be no less good and no less God than He is. But He does care for His children...even as that care sometimes comes through trial and affliction, but by His grace we are sustained unto eternity in Christ. Even if we glorify Him through a death which is result of our love of Christ. Just to say...He is worthy of anything we might endure--knowing Him, seeking Him ardently...is worthwhile in the midst of all this, whatever might come from the hand of our Father. The more we know and understand Him, the more convinced of this we will become.

Live unto God or unto the world, is the divide Jesus distinguished. He indicated explicitly that these pursuits are inherently in opposition to one another. John further clarified that we can't love the things of the world and love God. It's just basic. So, though we are in the world--in other words--we are not to be of the world, nor to seek its glories. So. These things are pretty weighty, actually.

And as a point of faith, we're to set aside every burden, and every sin which so easily entangles us? Does that sound familiar? Was the author joking? Was he just saying it to give us something to think about?

No, dear friends.

Pursue God. Live unto Him. This is our life, if we are to have life. For, if we have life in Christ, we have eternal life now. And we are to live as such--not for the moment, but for eternity. Now. Here and now.

So, as our brothers and sisters in other countries have to depend upon God for daily food and shelter and that their lives would be preserved...we must turn to Him also in abject and dire need of His deliverance from the sins which would so easily ensnare and beset us, that we will be fully armed to walk in ways which honor Him and one another, that we will fight the good fight of faith, as we press on toward the high calling in Christ Jesus, our Lord.

The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Pray He sends more, and prepare yourself--by His grace--to also go, make disciples of all nations. We must be led of and by Him.

Be delivered.

I pray He will do so for you. Pray He will keep me, also. I fear to fall again, and grieve even the thought. But this solitary walk which I have in so many ways is in itself such a sore trial, and yet all I know to do is to continue to cast myself upon His mercies and trust He will allot to me what is needed that I would draw nearer to Him. My heart is broken in so many ways at the utmost desire just to be able to stay near Him, but truly unto Him and not ensnared by man's attempt at usurping His guidance. I need to be prodded on always to the Lord, too. And there are those who are dear saints and brethren who are near in ways, and I have been continually turning to seek them--even as the Lord sends them so often to reach out to me, too, in those moments where I am too weak and broken to even stir the knowledge toward an action of my need for aid...as yesterday, and today in ways.

But even so, without being enslaved to sin or to legalist attempts to dictate actions...without intimidations or encroaching upon my walk with Christ...I long for a close fellowship that would ever truly turn my eyes to Christ.

That is why I want marriage. Though I am terrified, still. And though I haven't the means nor the ability to even remotely approach unto that sort of union. And realistically, I have so desperately few friends who are even ardently desiring of the Lord as to be safe not to prove a distraction from Him--who are ardently given to seeking Him, also. One married couple with children, who have been and are so much my family in the Lord. A few sisters in other places, and now, seemingly one brother. And my landlords, a married couple...though we aren't nearly as close as I am with the rest of these, they do look out for me and include me, and encourage me in the Lord...but I've only known them, and mostly in passing, for the past few years...so I don't really know them.

Why is it so difficult to get to know people. Why are there so many walls. I have, like, so many questions about so many things. And there's not indignation at the heart, but grief. Asking for my Father to help me understand these things.

And am I still not ready? I know I wasn't ready six months ago. And I certainly wasn't ready a year ago.

Anyways. This has gotten a bit ramblesome. Other places to go write, for this latter.