At All Costs: He IS Worthy

Challenging week. Challenging weekend. Jesus is so faithful, in the midst. Always protecting and even redeeming errors. Faithful.

Lately, a theme has been "what fellowship hath light with darkness?" In terms of particular church involvements. In terms of previous tendency to indiscriminately enter into any so-called church:
So many are absent worship of God, rather exalting man under pretense.
Same, of so-called fellowship, very often.

He, alone, gives sight. And it's not to say that He takes us out of the world and out of relationship entirely from those who don't know Him--He uses us to draw others, through loving relationship, service, interaction, truth. But as He leads.

Today was a blessing, though. Witnessed a proclamation of intent to pursue God's will at all and any costs, given as a battle cry acknowledging God will protect, defend, and provide solace, shelter, and direction, upon entering ardent pursuit of Him and His will. Ended with a call to repentance for any who weren't inclined to follow--this part wasn't issued in the first message, so the Lord prompted. And then there was communion, remembering and acknowledging He is our sustenance and life. And call to individual prayer, at the altar. And surrendering through worship.

Quite an experience.

Wakening to who God is. Being revived, in a sense, to the truth of who He is. Beginning.

Will continue to pray. There was acknowledgement as part of the proclamation regarding expectation of forthcoming difficult warfare, just as part of entering into the will of God, into remembrance of Him, into ardent pursuit of Him. Being attacked. But, as part of acknowledgment, again the reminder that it's God who will defend and fight. We need only be still, as He rushes in on our behalf as we pursue Him.

He does. Things get really strange sometimes. Absolutely dark. Painful. Excruciating, moreover.

And faith grows, seeing His faithfulness again and again, seeing His manifest deliverance, again and again. Preserved in ways which are undeniably Divine intervention. Increasingly undeniably, for knowing Him better.

His presence is gloriously devastating.
Unapproachable light. Brilliance like none other.

His love is enough to absolutely destroy anything dare exalted against Him.

But, anyway...yes..

A lot was tied together, today. And some was loosed, too.
Prayers.

Whatever He wills. If that's to further solitude, then as absolutely heart-breaking as that would be, I would take whatever He gives. No matter love, the joy of fellowship, and the absolute blessing of familial ties in Christ. Still, unless it's come from Jesus's own manifest will, I want nothing of it. No matter the pain.

Pain is nothing new. Hurts no less, given familiarity. Same, of isolation. But I would rather have Jesus than all the world. And He's not necessarily putting me at that actual point of departure again, but all the same, there remains tendency in me to latch onto the fellowship and love of others as substitute for Christ, to varied extent. And if being restrained from such idolatry requires continually surrendering all I have and all I am and all I love to Him, then so be it.

He's worth absolute surrender. A bond-slave, yes. Continually giving self to that process of remaining devoted to the Master.

And Husband, yeah. I don't understand so much of all that, still, and it scares me even to contemplate. I know He's not abusive. He's not depraved. He's not perverse. He's not vicious. He's not duplicitous. He's not malicious. He's not callous.

He's caring, devoted, faithful, loving. He protects me. He guards me. He guides me, teaches me, and is patient with me. Even when I'm entirely obtuse and oblivious and less than kind. He chastises me gently, too, when I've erred--so grateful He does.

I don't have to understand. He does. And He'll take the lead.
I'm so grateful for that, alone, even in the midst of all the rest. Such that even when tendency to still attempt to do so, myself, arises...He waits, and then...still leads. I don't want to lead. So, I will follow Christ.

He will lead me gently by the hand. He does.
If there were nothing else in the world to rejoice over, then just His faithfulness to lead is incomprehensibly wonderful.