Hallelujah!

Beautiful day.

The Lord is so good. And, today...given to love and to humble, grateful remembrance of His willing condescension into humanity. So many messages lately have either been concentric about that point or have touched very significantly upon the idea of God becoming incarnate. Love incarnate. Wisdom incarnate. So many things. All God, wholly man.

Considering even the idea of how He did that is beyond comprehension. It doesn't make any sort of natural sense, to think how God...infinity, omnipotence, omniscience, omnipresence...became also fully man. Without losing any of Himself, nor compromising any of Himself, yet while be subject to all the things which are inherent of being human. Subject to physical limitation, and yet a limitless being. Subject to circumstantial emotion, and yet sovereign of all. Subject to the limitations of human expression, and yet omniscient. Subject to natural, human processes of maturing and chronological progression, and yet extratemporal.

His humility is astonishing, beyond comprehension. Utterly to be sought for personal expression, so to be.

The God of the Universe, and yet he thought it nothing to be sought, nothing to brag, nothing to flaunt nor to even be asserted. He humbled Himself in all ways, then, in all things, even as to remain utterly subject to God the Father, wholly and continually at all times. Subject always to God the Father. He sought not His own purposes, ever, but always the will of the Father. Being God incarnate, and yet subject to the force of the will of God, never to the will of the flesh. Never, ever to the will of the flesh.

He was the only who ever has, the only who ever will.

The only begotten son.

He fulfilled the law, in its entirety. He erred in no way, remaining always subject to God the Father. Subject, always, to the ways of God, to the will of God, to the highest order of holiness.

And, by course of that all, by course of being who He was, who He is, and who the Father has restored Him as to be...yet, ever having been, and ever being...

...by course of who He is, and all He did, in coming here. In maintaining a wholehearted, persistent, unfaltering adherence to God the Father's highest will...always, in all things...being tempted, even as we are, and yet never sinning... ...even unto death, fulfilling the will of the Father, who then was satisfied to crush Him in His wrath, as a propitiation...a lawful, substitutionary atonement...an acceptable sacrifice which was the first ever to be satisfactory for not only covering, but also wiping clean from sin...

...by course of His perfect walk, even as God incarnate wholly humbled, without self-seeking--subject always to the external force of God the Father's love and will, always seeking the good of others above His own... Jesus Christ was the only one who could stand in as a willing sacrifice for all of us who haven't fulfilled the whole of the law.

We deserve God's wrath, is the crux of the matter. God's wrath is justifiable--always warranted by humans, and thus it simply must be meted out unto satisfaction.

And it's about so much more than just the idea of a set of "laws." The thing is, at this point in time, when we think of laws, there are generally only a few sorts of conceptions by which they're considered. And all those sort have a sense of the arbitrary to them, even as those concepts often acknowledge that there's a sense of good (if oft short-sighted) intent inherent of legislature. Yet, in an age where litigation has become a course of arbitrary restrictions which purport largely to legitimize socially-agreed personal preferences, without reference beyond societal norms as a means of justification...? ...the very idea of law has become rather tedious, because of the superficiality of much of the course. So, the idea of God having "laws" seems, on the surface, potentially similar in arbitrariness. ...especially given that our main point of reference as to what purpose law serves is one which points to law as being seemingly arbitrary, as per the course of our humanist, pluralistic, normative (yet purportedly empirical) mentality.

The thing is...we want it both ways. We want law to serve us and to make sense. We want law to protect us and to keep our interests safe. But, yet, we don't want to whatsoever be restricted from indulging any random imperative which seems justifiable along (self-defined and self-referential) "rational" lines. Along that line there comes a serious problem, is all.

Without a point of reference which is both fixed and wholly good, any such pursuit of lawfulness will inevitably decline into a state of declension unto varied, increasing degrees of depravity.

It's simply the way of our order that we go to all extremes, even if seemingly gradually, just by a process of continual rationalization which yields unto increasing levels of desensitization.

Which is wherein there's great good in God having outlined, through Moses, an order of law. Not that conscience didn't already serve to point out that certain things were "wrong," but there was apparently every bit as much (if not more) a tendency toward wantonness and utter depravity, regardless.

The thing is...God IS good. Writing a few days ago about how good He is...that when He glorifies Himself in anyone's life, it's ALWAYS to their direct benefit... ...just, think... ...not a half-done, partially-fulfilling benefit, but one which exceeds all expectations. Like with the fellow J.D. from church, a month and some ago--God glorified Himself in J.D.'s life. And what that ended up being, in a moment's time, to J.D...is that he was completely healed of brain cancer.

Just...that's how good God is--when He seeks His own glory (and rightly so), it benefits His creation. When He glorifies Himself in my life, even, it's to the tune of having shown such mercy and grace as to have allowed me not only to live but to be whole despite a 25 foot fall onto concrete, head-first, backwards. Yeah, it broke my neck. Yeah, it damaged pretty much all of my brain--to such an extent the attending neurosurgeon wasn't able to reconcile himself to any explanation by which I could possibly still be breathing, let alone conscious...and, beyond even being conscious, also able to move and reason, and speak, and see. He had absolutely no means of understanding it, because there's not a rational, scientific explanation for it. Period.

Same as with J.D.'s brain cancer just disappearing. And with a pastor's wife having ovarian cancer disappear. And with that same pastor having a pulmonary embolism AND lung cancer all disappear (he was on blood thinners for the clotting, but no treatment for the cancer). And all those, without any treatment for the cancer, aside of praise and prayer and testimony.

Just...when God glorifies Himself, those are the sort of things which happen--the miraculous, without explanation, scientifically impossible, and always to the good of those so blessed as to receive.

All of that, only to establish that with as good as God is, He is not arbitrary in having outlined a course of written laws. Certain things were shadows, typification, of things to come--prophetic ordinances, meant to establish a course of pursuit and indicate a course of fulfillment. Much was a means of keeping people set apart to Himself--the only course of fulfillment, for humanity.

Bottom line, we don't presently really have a point of reference, societally, for comprehending the inherent goodness of God's law. Ultimately, really, there even really rests the whole upon the Ten Commandments. Even though, as Jesus said, the points which are of utmost priority are, foremost, to love God, and secondarily, to love others above self. ...how much of all the rest of what's in Leviticus and Deuteronomy which is given portionately as a course of Moses' interpretation of societal needs, as typification of future events, and even as representation which was to keep reverence of God foremost in the minds and hearts of people...? ...no present idea, so not relevant.

Just...to keep the whole of the law, though.

Because the law of the Commandments really serves us all as much as they are due service to God, when you think about it, and yet we couldn't even manage to keep them. Just... Serve God always, above all? Have no idols, never take His name in vain, and keep His sabbath? Honor parents? No murder, no adultery? No stealing, no lying? No coveting?

Those are the basic ones, and yet...who hasn't coveted something? Who hasn't looked at something and let a little bit of lust for it creep in--whether a car, or a new outfit, or a particular meal when you're really hungry, or even a glass of water on a sweltering summer afternoon? Who hasn't experienced a moment of envy, at some point, looking at someone and just for a second "wishing" whatever it is they have were yours?

Perhaps there are those who haven't given in to those things. Who have never even had a moment of back-talking parents, or of acting out against God's authority in some capacity...

Perhaps there are those.

But to simultaneously, always, keep all of them? In regard to the Sabbath, and to the due reverence to God, even--to always love God, wholeheartedly and with all one's being...?

To do so ends up bringing a person into subjection to the goodwill of all, really. A little at a time, even as it also fulfills all a heart's desires. Complete satisfaction.

And, even as such a love for God wholly satisfies a person's heart and desires, keeping them in a state of peace and joy...to maintain that state, always? ...in the face of constant distraction and attempted anxiety? ...in the face of being tempted to pride, which equates to a self-reverence, idolizing self-worth (thus is in err of the Commandments), through moments of "self-reliance" which forsake proper acknowledgment of God?

The moments in which we err are so many, so, so many. And...if it weren't for that God is so absolutely, magnificently, wholly, gloriously holy and good and faithful and just...then, perhaps it wouldn't be the absolute travesty and utter abomination which it is, just to take one's eyes off of the goodness of God for just a moment, even, as to reference self.

But He is. He is glorious above all, to the extent that it can incapacitate a person wholly to be stricken with His presence to even minor degrees (wasn't it Daniel who was basically bedridden for three-days, utterly physically overwhelmed by the presence of the Lord?...or was it Ezekiel?...or both?)...
...to even witness, first-hand, His glory would completely destroy us, except that He would make it so that we could survive the experience.

He created the universe. So, really--if you think of it from that point, alone... ...a God, Creator of the Universe--the stars, the planets, the Earth and all upon her...moved to whatever point He decreed, unquestioningly and without remark. The sea and the land, all subject without remark, to His decrees. And, each and every one--all the heavens proclaiming His glory. Every tree, every blade of grass, every bird, every wild creature...living as a testament to His majesty, without either sideways glance as to question their being or their Creator--glorifying Him through the sheer force of their unbending adherence unto the order along which they were created...apple trees yielding fruit without question, always in due season...the tide turning according to the times, subject always to the order which it was ever created... ...all things glorifying Him in their adherence to His given order, testifying to His might and majesty as a matter of course of their unerring adherence, within the realm of their given schema.

And, then...humans.

Created according to His likeness. And yet self-seeking.

A Creator which was so benevolent as to give us life, and yet from almost the first...we yielded to temptation to seek our own benefit, rather than the benefit which He always gives. He gives to such greater degrees than we could ever conceive of--be it of wisdom, understanding, knowledge, provision, fulfillment, or whatsoever is desired that is truly to our good...

...He always gives to our good, to a greater degree than we could ever conceive off, when we worship Him and glorify Him for who He is.

Just think of what glorious surroundings were given Adam and Eve! A garden of such beauty, freedom of such terrain and provision for every need...an environment and atmosphere or such perfection...and companionship not only between themselves but directly with the Creator, God Himself! And, yet still...they sought for themselves, apart from God.

How heart-rending would that be? I can't even imagine. To so love as to provide for every conceivable need...and then to receive the equivalent of a slap in the face, for your goodness and love? And even then, He didn't destroy them. He could have wiped the slate clean. He could have just put it all to the side.

But He's not like us. He's faithful.

Just...from that first moment of turning away from God, seeking self-fulfillment through some other means...humanity was changed. To turn away from God in any capacity yields to a darkness of heart and of mind.

He IS the Light. So to turn away, is to yield to a darkness.

And what sits in darkness hardens, even unto desiccation. Until there's nothing left but a shriveled mass which once knew what it was to love and love the light of truthfulness.

Without maintaining that necessary, external reference point, which is God and God's decree for us...we become self-seeking and begin to objectify everything to the point where nothing truly fulfills. "Contentment" becomes the norm, and quasi-derivatives of what would purport to be happiness...the course of pursuit to "fulfillment of self."

There is none, apart from God, though.

And there can be none in God, either, except that we reconcile our hearts to Him. Once they've been tainted by darkness, though, we're turned against Him. And that's what it is, to be in this world--an exposure to darkness which taints us all, to varying degrees. But, to any degree, we're at odds with God. He has NO darkness in Him, and cannot abide it. That darkness which infested our species, at that first self-indulgence...was an irreconcilable deviation from God's nature in us. We retained "reason," we retained "authority" of a sort, but we were then set apart from Him, by that darkness in our heart. He just...cannot embrace it.

A lot of folks don't care for the duplicity which exists between the status of God, and the status of man, as an example of the results from such deviation which was wrought as to ultimately mean we are as a species now opposed to God. People resent the idea that God has the final say. They resent the idea that God pronounces judgment without their ability to defend themselves, even as they simultaneously are asserting per such an idea that they have a justifiable stance in being in anything opposed to His decrees. Just the idea of conforming to the will of God or face damnation utterly riles a lot of folks, they're so opposed to God.

But His laws are good. His will is good. Our lack of comprehension of the whole schematic doesn't justify us in picking out bits and pieces of circumstance as an attempt to justify our stance against Him. I hear, periodically, people going on about people eating their babies, and about entire nations of people being slaughtered according to the will of God. Yeah, and? Nowadays, there's mass murder being perpetrated, according to the design of human convenience, internationally considered justifiable--just as a matter of personal convenience, generally...and it's considered commonplace and without flaw, according to political, "scientific," "philosophical," "psychological" standards for what's good and right for "women's rights." Not that there's any comparison there, no. Just that one murder doesn't equate to another, and if it's God's will that someone die, then that's that. I wouldn't want to be the one holding the sword, necessarily, but if it were His decree--so be it.

Even as...it's just that people don't want to be accountable. False accountability abounds. To bosses. To the government. To peers. To self, ultimately, but not even there--it's all internally derived and justified, so wherein is the accountability? If we're only accountable to self, there IS not accountability. There's only self-justification, rationalization, and self-persecution or redirection. But not accountability. If the only incentive is internally derived, there's no incentive.

I lived that lie far too long, having experienced something now far surpassing, to allow it credence. Just...we are in a pit, as a society. We dig it deeper, by the day. And, I don't know about you all...but in case you've never had experience being trapped in a hole--just as a hint: continuing to dig won't get you out. Which is why even the idea of apologetics is rather glumly and reluctantly considered, whenever it is.

You can't dig yourself out of a hole by continuing to dig it deeper.

We stand, as a species, diametrically opposed to God. We do the equivalent of spitting in His face, really, merely by existing without giving due reverence to Him, given the grace shown per fact we're alive. We are opposed to Him, so there must be a judgment. Created eternal, and standing spiritually opposed to Him...we condemn ourselves by remaining opposed. You can't be both. You can't love God and exist in any sort of opposition to Him. You can't love Him and yet not know who He is. Loving Him means desiring to know Him, and requiring Him in all things, for having realized how wonderful He is.

But, we've put ourselves in the position of being opposed to Him, by acting against Him. And, having acted against Him...for the longest time, a series of sacrifices were given, as to make "atonement" for "sin"...for "iniquity"...for lawlessness...for defiance....for rebellion, basically. And those sacrifices served as acts of willful obedience which made it possible to approach God, in ways, even without ever really changing the heart. Covering the lawlessness, but not changing it.

We have just...we exist in such opposition to Him, as natural creatures born into a world where we're absorbed wholly in self, from nearly the point of birth. Jesus is the only one who was ever able to walk in compliance, unfalteringly, to God's law...God in the flesh, even as subjected to all the same temptations as we are. He stayed in such total subjection to God the Father, though, such total humility. Complete humility.

...only someone who inerrantly, unceasingly fulfilled absolutely every requirement of the law of God could have been in the position to even be able to stand in for the rest of us, offering Himself a satisfactory sacrifice unto God's wrath, so that the entirety of humanity who would come to Him afterwards could then be delivered from the bondage of their lawlessness.

So as to be reconciled to God, by being spiritually recreated, transformed into a creature of Light.

...from the inside, out.

Jesus was the only, first off...to remain so completely, incessantly humble as to always, always, always be in complete subjection to God the Father...the way of lawfulness.

Just...He humbled Himself, even as to become human. And, even as it's a struggle to lay self aside, for us...yet He did so, to such an extent in taking on the flesh...it's incomprehensible. Infinite, and yet within the womb of a virgin.

He was humble, even while remaining steadfast in His adherence to the Father's will, even as that pursuit put Him in places and circumstances which yielded to a directed manifestation of the power of God. Yet, humility, always. Unapologetically obedient, in all ways, to God...no matter what the cost, nor what the requirement. He did, said, and went in whatever ways He was given by the Father. That, and ONLY that. So He said.

So, it's always strange to hear folks (like one pastor, today) argue against that sort of obedience to the Lord. If we are to be transformed into Christ's image, which is truly one of the works which the Holy Spirit is performing in those who are His...then, it only follows that those who are being transformed will strive to that end, as to be directed unto obedience in ALL things.

 Period.

Just...that's a battle, in itself. As all things are, really, even as they ultimately are wholly brought into subjection to Christ. There are a veritable endless myriad of voices which seek to direct a person, these days--internally and externally, as discernable by those more attuned to the Lord's voice, who may so attest. So, there must be constant discernment. Constant, unending. Even as that's impossible.

Which...really, means it's a good thing that all things are possible for God.

The entirety hinges upon that. From first to last, and it's by the grace of God, through faith.

Seriously.

Just to think of Him, who He was...who He was, in spirit and in truth, and yet even after 40 days of fasting...even then, He refused to seek for Himself but chose rather to remain wholly obedient and reverent to the Father. Regardless of His hunger, still it was preferable to Him that He remain wholly subject to whatsoever was the Father's will for Him--trusting explicitly in whatsoever the Father willed, trusting Him always for the highest good, no matter circumstances. Even unto His crucifixion.

And yet, consider Him with Mary and Martha, going to resurrect Lazarus. He knew that Lazarus was to be resurrected. He knew that Lazarus would arise. He trusted the Father utterly and completely, that He would fulfill His request. And yet, He felt their grief so keenly, saw it so keenly...that He wept with them. He loved them so. He loves us so.

Even then, facing the crucifixion. And I can't imagine how it must have utterly shattered His heart, to sit and sup with Judas, knowing his betrayal and yet knowing it necessary. Knowing Judas was condemning himself by rebelling to the utmost against God, as even literally giving Satan place. I can't imagine the grief.

Yet it was part of the course by which things needed to progress, given that state of matters we'd gotten ourselves into as group...such lawlessness as we're in, such opposition to God, and the only way to reconcile us as to save us from the condemnation we've ever chosen...

...was to sacrifice Himself, blameless yet accepting our punishment. Someone recently spoke about that, in terms of the judgment for rebellion against God requiring, perforce, eternal retribution...as that it was only Christ who could have taken it, in ever a finite amount of time--an infinite punishment meted upon an infinite being incarnate, even temporally. He was able to sustain the infinite force of God's wrath, the warranted restitution for our rebellion, in a finite amount of time merely because He is infinite. But just to imagine what that suffering was...

...stricken, in all ways. The inseparable, infinite, yet self-opposed and wounded unto death for our sake. Never prior alone, and yet stricken solitary under wrath. He became a curse, that ours would be broken.

He drank our wrath. He went into our death. And He remained there for three days, entombed in death. But death couldn't hold Him. Captivity was taken captive by Him. And He was glorified by the Father, to His rightful place of ascension--reigning at His right hand, in heaven. Evermore, as forever.

He is everything. Created all things. All things which are..consist in Him.
And He humbled Himself as to become a babe in a manger. No room in the inn.

Just...it's so difficult to try to explain why it's such an absolutely, completely terrible thing to sin. Just...the idea of sin--it's lawlessness...it's rebellion...it's acting against God. He has given us so many good things, and wants good for us in all things. So, when we do things which abuse or overindulge or pervert the inherent goodness of what He's given us...?

Without having a clear idea of quite how wonderful He is, how absolutely awesome, how just...completely, wholly good and glorious and powerful and all-knowing, above and beyond all things and loving beyond all things...sovereign, majestic, all-wise, all-powerful, all-knowing...

...it's really not possible to see how absolutely and utterly terrible acting against or even outside of God's will really is.

Just that thing which I keep reading, about how all of creation moves to His Word, obeying immediately and completely subject to Him...and then, man would say "No." That kind of, in a small way, puts a slight bit of perspective on how terrible it is.

But...without understanding how terrible sin is, it's difficult to see how astonishing and humbling is the sacrifice Christ made, and how absolutely wonderful it is to be able to be reconciled to the Father through Him.

Relying entirely on Christ, though.

Entirely.

He is everything.
...in so many ways.

In the wilderness.

Lately, every time I sit down here to write, immediately a sensation of overwhelming physical, mental exhaustion nearly overwhelms. A very strange thing, indeed.

So much of what's been going on just isn't open to any sort of disclosure, at this juncture.

For as various an array of reasons as is the variation of matters which all concern. So, so many things.

Things I've been talking to the Lord about, and it's not that He's not responded...but there's a sort of open area that's been created by my continued insistence. Which isn't well, perhaps.

And, then, perhaps the answer really just is in quite what He's been telling me for the past...oh, four months? (I'm just a ...little... slow.) ((*edit*...okay, so thinking back through that, now that it's been expressed... Yes, it's definitely in what He's been insisting, and it's ludicrous to assert otherwise--seriously, of all the people to doubt...He is the last one to be doubted. Such a horrid tendency to question Him, though))

...the kind which come out by prayer and fasting.

And wilderness experiences, all around.

And, did you all realize the implications of those particular temptations wrought unto Jesus while He was in the wilderness?

Multi-fold, each, but the primary implications for each are rather blatantly manifest in so much of what is prevalent nowadays regarding us all.

...as to the bread... ...tempted to rely upon one's own provision, rather than upon the Lord's (...when it was in Jesus' case, upon God the Father). ...tempted to pre-empt God's provision for our survival/needs, rather than to remain patiently trusting and reliant upon His goodwill and faithfulness. ...lack of faith, as doubting God's time-frame/intent/faithfulness in fulfilling our required necessities.

...as to the fall, the jump... ...tempted to pre-empt the will of the Lord, as to "force His hand" into compliance with our own will. ...tempted to step out, not in faith, but in an act of recklessness which has a mockery of God at its core. ..the opposite of patient obedience, in other words.

...as to the kingship... ...tempted to put favor and honor upon the things of this world, above and beyond worship of the Lord. ...tempted to put convenience, comfort, prestige, social/political/religious authority, acceptance, and perceived security (external, temporal indulgences) above obedience to the Lord and above the glories of the kingdom of God, which dwell within. ...tempted to idolatry, in all ways.

And there's more than just that, but those are the few which are currently brought to mind.

That's as much as can be, for now.

And Merry Christmas. =)

Briefly, just to pray...for all the lost and the weary.

Pray with me, at this commemoration of our Lord's birth, for the unbelievers in the world.

Yeshua HaMashiach became Emmanuel for a reason, and not for those who are well, but for those who are in need of a great physician. 

Please, let us all pray for those who are militantly atheistic, for those who are bound by delusion of spiritual pluralism as thinking all ways are equal. Let us pray especially for those who have wandered by the ways of Christ without ever having truly come to know Him, then wandering off on varied other "logical," "reasonable," or "compelling" paths...for having never known the Lord, Himself, aside of through the tenets which we as Christians profess...and oft-falteringly propose and purport to practice.

Please, let us all pray for the lost and the weary and the angry, and the despondent and anxious and the malicious. Let us pray for the confused and the confounded and the bloodthirsty, even amongst our own ranks.

Our Lord is mighty to save, so let His name be glorified in all the world!

The Inherent Goodness of God's Glory

The Lord is so good. So, so good.

There are people now with whom I can fairly regularly fellowship who faithfully admonish, rebuke,  correct, exhort, edify, and encourage me, by the Spirit and through the Word. An increasing number of people, by the grace of God.

After hearing for months of a need to have folks to whom I'm accountable, then praying for guidance on the matter and beginning to long for increased fellowship, the Lord has made a way. Regardless that there are considerations which make the whole scenario a bit distended, seemingly, the whole has been very prayerfully approached and acknowledged as His will. So, nothing doing regarding anxiety.

All will be as He wills, and that's just all there is to it.

There remains an increasing burden for further deliverance and, as experiencing the joy of deliverance unto greater revelation of the Lord's love, faithfulness, and goodness...there's increasing yearning for others to experience the absolute glory of His fellowship in greater measures.

I ache for others to know Him. I yearn for those of our brothers and sisters in the Lord who remain in bondage to fear and anxiety and confusion and worry. Heart-rending, as there's such freedom...such liberty in dwelling continually in His Presence, in resting in His incomprehensible love, in fellowshipping perpetually with the Holy Spirit through. It IS possible, and He is faithful to provide all which is necessary...just, there is need to ask...there is need to begin to desire such an experience, ongoing. And it takes increasing desperation for Him. Wholehearted devotion, pursuit in all ways which He opens--through Scripture, prayer, devotional readings, listening to sermons by those anointed of the Lord, and whatsoever else He leads.

The Scriptures help so much, as to come to know Him and recognize His voice. Yes, there's the internal witness of the same, yet with all the many voices in this world which are perpetually whispering to us...being able to hear that same tone, that same timbre, that same cadence and vivre...being able to continually return to that external witness which holds ever true to the internal witness, and vice versa, does utterly well to drive out attempted interlopers and imposters. His sheep know His voice.

So, it's heartbreaking to hear and see and come into stilted contact with those who so very obviously utterly yearn for His companionship, in varied degrees, yet who seem to be somehow adrift at a means to come to better know Him and more closely walk with Him. I'm praying. So praying. He'll make some way, for them. He'll reveal Himself in greater degrees to us each, who seek, dispelling delusions further and further and increasing our peace and understanding of His love and adherence to His commandments and knowledge of His ways and law...increase our awareness and direct experience of Him.

We need Him so, there's no other course. Whatever it takes, so to all require Him as an absolute necessity in all things, in all ways, at all times, to ever-increasing degrees. Because we need Him, as such, regardless...merely, we're so very short-sighted as lacking such an awareness. So, to know Him, then, and to become increasingly aware of His goodness and what a blessing it is to be so utterly dependent upon One who is so faithful and so glorious in all ways.

Started listening to a Youtube series by brother Paul Washer on God's Glory and the Creature's Good, a little over a month ago, and it's been perpetually on my mind since having begun. Just the preliminary concepts have utterly transfixed thought for over a month, so whether the series will ever be finished (or the book read...wow, yeah)...no idea. Just, the preliminary thoughts are so absolutely mind-shatteringly powerful, I can't yet bring myself to consider moving beyond them.

To consider His goodness. God's goodness--so absolute. So utterly glorious and wholly good, beyond all reckoning, that the highest blessing for one of His created beings is to receive a revelation of Him. He is so innately wonderful and majestically glorious that receiving an increased awareness of Him utterly uplifts, transforms, and...just BLESSES...the created one who is so graced as to receive. Our highest good is found in KNOWING God. Our lives are made whole, made complete, made full, made joyous, made peaceful...our lives are wholly fulfilled, in a relationship with our Creator. His very essence is so gloriously, transcendently good... ...that, to worship Him, to praise His name...delivers us from bondage. We are made free, by praising Him. He has created things in such a way, with such love for us and such goodness manifested unto all creation...that, as glorious as He is, as worthy of all worship and praise and honor and reverence and awe...as worthy of all as He is, and yet He has made creation so that we are wholly benefitted by praising Him as He is due. When He is glorified in us, it always benefits us. He is just that GOOD. His glorification does good to us, and that's how He has made things. That what glorifies Him benefits His creation.

I just...it's so frustrating to try to put into words. A month later, and my mind is still utterly blown by that realization of the fathomless wonder of His absolute, total, infinite goodness.

Do yourself good, go listen to the first two videos in this teaching series--they're less than 10 minutes each, so it won't take much time, and the blessing is exceedingly beyond comprehension. HERE IS A LINK. Because, yeah, I bookmarked it for further review and future completion.

Here's the blurb-thing under the video: "It is extremely important to understand that God does not seek His own glory apart from His creatures greatest good. In fact, the greatest good that God could ever accomplish for His creatures and the greatest kindness He could ever show them is to glorify Himself - to direct all things and work in all things so that the fullness of all that He is might be displayed before them. If God is of infinite value, splendor, and beauty, then it follows that the most valuable, most splendid, and most beautiful gift He could ever give to His creatures is the fullest revelation of Himself."

Nothing doing, if not well done--and then, by grace alone.

Ended up reading bits and pieces of some of Charles Finney's writing, yesterday. Trying to figure out how to refrain from continuing the course of perpetually failing and falling prey to the same temptations--besetting sin, isn't that what folks call it, or some?

Finney made reference to some fellow of his acquaintance who perpetually went about figuring out how not to sin by trying to route out the source of the initial deviation, then piecing it apart and resolving not to continue in similar ways.

More or less the same bit of stuff that's gotten me absolutely nowhere.

Grieving to sin, becoming absolutely desperate over lack of control over impulse, attempting to abstain from all things which might tempt or even put in the way of potential for temptation (asceticism was more or less the by-line along which recent courses developed, since May), and just basically living out the majority of that bit in Romans 7, wherein Paul talked about not being able to do the things he wanted to do and yet doing the things he didn't want to do.

Yeah...so, about that..

The part where he resolves the chapter by referring to our Lord? Yeah. 

That's everything.

Finney talked about it, in terms of how it's a complete reliance upon Christ which effectually frees a person from sin. Not a mental reliance, though. A spiritual reliance.

Which...that's a distinction which goes beyond adequate ability to relay in words.

And I'm rather ashamed to admit the amount of timidity experienced in regard to considering that course, for the all. Just...I don't trust myself. At all.

I don't trust myself to be able to continue to rely on Him, in that way. Because it's something that goes beyond just thinking about relying on Him. 

Fasting provides the clearest means of expressing the way it seems, as it goes. Wherein there comes a point, during fasting, wherein the impulse to consume something...anything...becomes a physical yearning, beyond just a craving. And there's a choice, then--either give in, or find solace in Christ as to weather the cravings. Either rely more deeply on the peace of His presence, or give into temptation.

...just, it's a choice as to whether to continue and press through to a further, deeper experience of His presence...or give in, and indulge in fleshly desires. 

Which, yeah--the belly for meat, and meat for the belly. But what of the part where the body is for the Lord? If the body is yielded wholly to physical satiety, then wherein is the Lord's due?

I just keep being reminded, too, that He keeps me...not the other way around. 

So, if I've faltered, there are certainly reasons. Whether they ever become known is of no matter, overall, so long as the course continues...so long as progress ultimately results, cumulative and comprehensive.

The whole idea of walking with the Lord is just so daunting, honestly. I talk to Him about that, periodically, but especially in moments like this one--when there's just been another faltering step, when He's caught me up again to Himself just as I'd nearly completely lost all sense of awareness...or, this latter, at least to such an extent as to have constituted a substantial, lasting regression.

I ask Him a lot about how this all does seem, in very odd yet distinctly different ways...to somewhat mirror the way things had been all along. Periods of ardent progress, passionately pursued with complete abandon...movement gradually halted by a perpetually amassed onslaught of information being accumulated far in excess of capacity for assimilation...which lack of movement allows for processing and cumulative comprehension, while also beginning to allow for a certain amount of degradation of perspective...degradation leading to certain amounts of regression, which then must be corrected for prior to entirely proceeding. 

Things have changed, though. I don't understand the whole of it, either. Just that...He comforts me, and He's been the one to keep me from declining too far, even. He stopped me in my tracks, twice, yesterday. Not with reason, either, which is what had always been referred to as the means of correction... ...no, but with comforting reassurance. 

It's just a further revelation, on the whole, that I can't do this. I'm not capable. 

He is.

And apparently, it's time to read Ecclesiastes. 

May append to this, after doing so. 

...

wow.

So, yeah. Solomon.

Except that he believed in God, he was basically a nihilist. Going to have to read over the last three chapters a good bit, to glean. And I'm constantly reminded of how much a fool I am, but...eh, what to do, except to pray?

Most days, it would seem better to be mocked as a fool than contemned as wise. Not an intentional path, though, so the larger part of hindsight is an attempt to reconcile self to the state of matters.
What does it matter, though? Whether people think I'm foolish or wise, it doesn't change anything.

And compared to the wisdom of God, everything is folly. As Paul put it, compared to the foolishness of God, man's highest wisdom is even yet folly.

So, the only point which matters is of Christ Jesus. The only one who ultimately matters is Him--our Lord.

Reading through some of Basilea Schlink's books, a bit...and yeah.

...just had a moment, again. I only have excerpts from her books, as from sermonindex.net. Tried to see what else could be found, wandered across a pit of darkness. And...yeah, still lurked too long.

Just...pursuant to a conversation with one of my brothers, a couple days ago...it's all the more apparent, even here--there's a division, in the world, whereby some choose misery and others joy.

I'm fed up of misery. It doesn't suit me, and I'm sick of it. There's more than enough to go around, honestly, so why pass the plate? I don't want it, don't need it, and so long as Jesus is my Lord--and, by His grace, so shall He ever be, as it's written that none can snatch those who are given Him by the Father out of His hand...so long as I'm His (ah, forever), then joy of Him is my strength and misery isn't mine.

I mean, goodness...the apostles rejoiced in their persecutions! Surely it's possible to here and now aspire to and attain something of that same resilience in the Lord. Because none of that sort of stance comes outside of the Lord, no, but given possibility...

...

Just remembered some anomalous goings-on, from these past few weeks. The whole "other spirit"-stuff Paul talked about. (Prefaced, now, by saying "Why not?" to going wheresoever the Lord leads...)

It's a coldness, bounding across and trying to find access. Skittering comes to mind, to describe. Just...such a coldness. Clinical in its coldness.

Very strange.

I trusted the Lord to keep me safe, though. This time, aware that something was "off," prior to beginning prayer. Praying to the Lord all the while, then. And no pain came in, this time... ...the weird fluttering went from one place to another, but only superficial--no point of entry. All the Lord's doing, preventing.

No idea, though, on the whole. That just makes two individual sources, is all. Each seemingly possessing the same odd effect, although there's absolutely no way for me to know anything beyond what the Lord allows...and all that's given thus far is just what's been recorded immediately above.

Many, much prayer.

If I'm going to have to deal with this sort of stuff, randomly and without expectation, the Lord will provide all that's necessary to resist and to do whatsoever He wills, along the course.

Especially given that tonight has served as a confirmation of prior, uncertain observations (tonight marks a fourth instance). Just...so very strange.

If there's anyone out there who's not given to complete insanity or tangent Christianity who has insight into these sorts of things, I'm sure the Lord will make a way. Unless He chooses to further instruct and guide, personally...which, really, is probably the better of all options.

I'm so glad He's with me. Seriously. It means I don't need to be afraid of anything, really. Being His means that nothing can or will happen to me unless it's through or by His will. And, as all things work to the good of those who love Him...and I am beloved...then, it's not a far reach to realize He's got a lot more incentive to seeing me well kept than even I'm capable of mustering (on my best day).

Just...it's really getting tiresome, dealing with some of these nuisances. Even as the Lord's preparing each and every one of us to deal with all we needs must as to overcome, then so need this be done. I am so over these things. So, so over them.

And, then, there's the fact that really...the only thing worthy of mention is the Lord's name and His marvelous graces. Jesus, King of all, Lord of all, God Almighty and Everlasting Father. Wonderful. Counselor. He who overcame the world, and who took captivity captive.

I know there will be other days, and He'll remain. Things will change, but He won't. And, even as much as He's prepared me for this moment, up to this moment, so is He preparing me for the next, even up to that very instance.

He has never forsaken me, and He won't. He's not a man, that He should lie. And He hasn't. And He doesn't. And He never will.

His promises are sure, and are yea and amen. And there's no one in whose care any of us should rather prefer, than His. He cares for us beyond our ability to comprehend or even to conceive the depths and breadth thereabouts. His love is all-encompassing. Our God is a consuming fire.

Hallelujah!

And, just to say...no matter who were to read--that He is "Our" Lord and "Our" God doesn't change, regardless of beliefs. Truth is true, regardless of acceptance. And Jesus is most assuredly the Way, the Truth, and THE Life. 

Secondary confession.

These past few weeks have been unbelievable. Except for that the Lord is good. There's such a desire to just explicitly type it all out, in detail, but that isn't something given. If I were to type it out, this would be as many things this past week--forever relegated to "Draft," never to "Publish." So, now, rather than going that course again, just to see where it goes.

So many things. One which was a fairly major rebuke...which had been brought up for a while, without comprehension...we are to be innocent of evil.

Romans 16
19For your obedience is come abroad unto all men. I am glad therefore on your behalf: but yet I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple concerning evil.

We don't need to know how evil operates. We don't need to comprehend how the devil works. We do not need to "forearm" ourselves for attack by means of studying his tactics. We don't need to know the devil to be protected against him.

Because the very next verse:

20And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.

God takes care of Satan. Period. We don't have to concern ourselves. 
Arming ourselves properly doesn't entail taking courses on satanic methodology. Seriously.

Or, at least, none of the Bibles I've read have said anything in Ephesians 6 about taking up knowledge of the ways of the enemy, as part of our required arsenal.

Rather, everything is concentric about the Lord. Salvation, righteousness, truth, the gospel, the Spirit--the Word of God, and prayer. Nothing in all that about learning about the tactics of the enemy. 

The only thing we need to know about Satan is that he stands condemned, he's been overcome, his works have been destroyed, and that he can do nothing except that God allows him to do so. Effectively, he's powerless, in other words--the only things he can do are things he's allowed to do, and even then, anything he does to someone called of God is going to work to their good as to God's glory (howsoever that goes, it always is true). 

Just, this is such a temptation for me. Given particular experiences, these past many months...there's such a temptation to want to study the ways of the enemy, thinking knowledge of his tactics will somehow empower me to overcome. That...is just...ridiculous.

Seriously. 

I mean, there's just such a huge temptation...to study demonology, as a means of "becoming empowered" to fight back. But, no.

Nothing in me, apart from Christ, can in any way overcome all the nonsense of the enemy. Period. I just get distracted from that, so often. I get distracted, and start thinking that if I can somehow wrap my mind around all the stuff that's going on in the world, all the evil that's being perpetuated, all the falsehoods invading the church, all the points of distinction in belief between various Christians, all the multifarious means of variance in Christian modes of actions, and so on and so forth, ad infinitum... ...I start thinking that if I can somehow get my mind around all those things, individually, then I'll somehow have some sort of control over them and be able to glorify God in either debunking things which are deviant, dispersing the darkness, or howsoever else has clouded my mind into thinking somehow I can have any sort of control.

It's absurd.

Seriously.

But when I start thinking those things, I end up looking at things which "confirm" those lines of thought. Not the Bible, in other words. Nope.

I start looking at websites which are talking about the fulfillment of end-time prophecies, and end up getting hyped up about the nearness of judgment, and start jumping at the thought of it all being over. Until the Lord taps me on the shoulder and redirects me to the necessity of being about His work, and reminds me of the horror of destructions which those who yet stand condemned are still facing. And reminds me of His goodness, and His faithfulness, and His love, and how great a blessing it is to serve Him and to serve others, in His name. 

And I start looking at websites which talk about false prophets and false prophecy and the manifold deceptions which are in such manifestation throughout the world, then becoming indignant at the thought of how folks could perpetuate such atrocities and becoming fearful at the thought of being deceived and becoming upset even at the false claims made against truly God-fearing men and women and end up becoming prideful at being able to perceive distinctions of truth. And it's all a matter of nonsense, and gets worse and worse, until the Lord sets me back and chastises me for becoming prideful and self-satisfied and condemning of others, reminding me that it's only by grace that anything is even slightly apparent, even as it's not wholly so to any degree. He gently brings remembrance of the mercy He's shown me, and resurrects compassion for the plight of us all--that He's our hope for deliverance and clarity and insight, and better it is to pray for us all that He will deliver us all from delusions than for me to condemn others who are only a step apart from my own stance, even still. He is so good.

But I also start looking at all the people around me, then, in those moments when I stumble. I start looking at them and their actions and their speech, and start finding fault. I start picking apart the things which seem dubious, and start building towers of terror in regard to their potential for faltering...in regard to potential that their status is dubious, on the whole. Atrocious. Alternately, also, I start looking at those who are judged to be of a more spiritual state, in closer communion with God...and I start doing something which is now lamentably recognized as worshipping them, mentally, in beginning to fear their similar-type fault-finding as to my own state of lack. It's all terrible. Period. By the time I get so deluded as to wind up in these states of mind, the Lord speaks to me primarily through the Word, and even moreso as given through brothers and sisters in Christ...because, by the time I've gotten to the point where I've started pointing fingers in all directions, I've basically just stopped listening to Him, altogether, and it's recently taken the spiritual equivalent of a bucket of cold water over my head and a sharp slap to my face to even begin to bring me out of the stupor. A month's worth of continual rebuke and correction, with an increasingly sharp, burning sense of guilt and return to a deeper sense of humility in regard to my own fallibility, especially for so condemning myself through such hypocrisy.

Just...I've been struggling with the latter of these all. Period. It keeps coming back. And it's rooted in fear and in pride. And it's terrible. And there's nothing I can do about it except trust in the Lord.

Which, He's faithful. He provides. He delivers me. And I know these things are going to be overcome, because He has overcome the world. So, I'm not going to fret--that would be ridiculous. 

This has to go, though. Pride has to go. By whatever means. Doesn't matter. It has to go.

So long as pride remains, being an abomination before Him as it is...? Yeah, no.

It has to go.

Only He can make that happen. To whatever end, as it goes. By whatever means.

Doesn't even matter. 

The Lord humbled Himself to a degree beyond comprehension...

...I pray that He helps each of us to reach such a degree of humility, so we can each then moreso embody and wholeheartedly express His love to all those around us. Turning the other cheek, always. Always preferring others, serving others, loving others better than ourselves, in all ways. Letting our sense of self dwell only in Him, denying ourselves wholly, that He can reach others more vastly than ever conceived possible...through wholly yielded vessels. 

We have to go through the uncomfortable situations, knowing He's with us. We have to bear through the difficult self-sacrifices, knowing He calls us to serve Him and all others. It doesn't always take much, but...doing things which "aren't my job," doing things which are just right in front of me but which others are responsible for yet won't be offended for being pre-empted in. 

I'm just so tired of messing up so much in regard to others. I can't even keep myself lined out, period--only the Lord keeps me. Why would it ever come to my mind, though, that I can figure out where other folks need to be, though, when I can't even keep myself lined out?

It's but by grace, and that alone.

Always seek that in which all is reconciled.

So many things.

As per...the last record...? ...I'd wandered down a side-road and gotten caught up in things which were distracting from my focus on the Lord.

This week's question has thus kind of turned into, "Okay, so the message itself wasn't wholly at fault, then? Was it just fixating so exclusively on that particular line of thought, then, to the extent that it took precedence in much of all thought, to the extent of having become an anxiety?"

To which the response to the first remains open, and to the second, a solemn nod...even as there's more to the situation than merely summed by calling it a fixation.

I got off track, in other words. And it's taken about a month to receive correction--per internal witness, then corroborated by three separate outside sources which are fellow siblings in Christ.

Two separate rebukes, primarily, within the same message, Sunday. One for this sort of deviation, whereby ANYTHING other than Christ becomes a point of fixation--thereby pre-empting His necessary position of utmost priority, even as those points of deviation are often doctrinal/scriptural...then, still, they are errant.
Then, secondarily for taking up any stance which seeks to highlight points of differentiation--picking apart salvation, thus picking apart the work of the Holy Spirit in others (even as not recognized for being quite that particular act). Dangerous territory, truly, to critique the Holy Spirit. Very dangerous territory.

And it's so easily fallen into. So, so easily, in a world where everyone seeks to be the most qualified and thorough and eloquent critic. Especially as those of us who are the Lord's are surrounded on all sides by those who are self-proclaimed, world-class critics. ...when complaint is veiled in terminology which purports itself of a higher class of wisdom, especially? Critiques are the utmost current vogue of communication, absolute de rigueur for all experience of the day--critique the coffee, critique the cheese, critique the quality of the cafeteria food, critique the boss's newest plan for action, critique co-worker's work ethics, critique the service at the gas station, critique the quality of the wind, critique the cloud-cover, critique the temperature, critique the conversations going on around you.

We have so been assaulted with an onslaught of expectation to be able to critique everything at its highest and lowest orders of point, within a momentary glimpse of experience, as to express our adequacy of observation and our quality of character...

...performance evaluations, for example. Your worst and best qualities. Your plans for action.
What you wish you'd done better, and how you'll ensure you do so next time.
Critique yourself, thereby proving yourself qualified to critique others.

Can you take criticism? Or...oh--pardon..."constructive criticism"?

The entirety of society is entirely transfixed with the process of deconstructing everything which it comes into contact with, itself wholly included. And, so, it's all too easy to get caught up in that mentality, even as a truly God-fearing Christian who knows that we are to be anxious of nothing.

Critiquing is pretending at being God. Period. We must all be very careful, therefore, of that tendency. ...the whole of the process is a method of asserting dominance in knowledge, asserting mastery of comprehension to an extent which has thus allowed one to adequately deconstruct the core concepts--the whole process is a matter of building one's self esteem and regard up, in relation to a body of knowledge, experience, or others. Which is why...talking about the whole thing has to be very tongue-in-cheek, as acknowledging guilt all the while, as acknowledging continual need of the Lord's help as to refrain from so doing...

Just...having only come through this again, two days ago with increased clarity, there's an increased burden for refraining from any continuation, desperation not to do so which warrants public confession...and also fear for others who are similarly trapped, similarly deluded...and the hope that the Lord will use my deliverance, even as continual of so many things...that he may be glorified in having delivered me, and in so delivering others.

There's a distinction which has to be made, as always. The witness of the Holy Spirit must always be regarded, by each of us, in every individual circumstance. I keep asking the Lord about the things witnessed in so many places, and the things revealed through them. And...there'll be a time and a place, for much of it. Not here, nor now at least. Just...there's a difference, when He tells me something which distinguishes faulty doctrine as deviation from focus on the Lord--redirecting, thereby, to the Lord...especially as always witnessing to the Word, simultaneously. There's a difference between Him telling me something is errant, and redirecting me to Jesus...and me seeking--on my own initiative, by my own logic, by reason and even using scripture--to prove something deviant.

There's a humongous difference. And I pray that you discern it. Discernment is utterly vital.

Thing is...He's been so good to me. As much as I mess up, He corrects me. Even as, through some of the periods where my mess-ups have been absolutely horrid...I've wound up severely beaten by circumstances. Mercy, redirecting me to His sovereignty, always. Grace, to allow me to live despite some of the things which my life has entailed. Mercy, to restore me to Himself, despite all my faults. Grace, to have done so through His own humiliation, servitude, suffering, death, resurrection, and ascension. Jesus died for me. And for you. And for all of those who are His--we are His portion.

And nothing can or will snatch us from His hand. Nothing can or will ever separate us from His love, moreover. I may hunger, but I will not starve. And, hungering and thirsting for righteousness, He continually fills me...restoring me into His righteousness, to greater degrees. Sanctifying me, to His purposes. That I may be holy, as He is holy...as He has commanded.

I want to be completely given, completely surrendered. Wholeheartedly dependent. Entirely devoted.
Delighting in Him, He does give me the desires of my heart...and these have thus become my greatest desires.

So, yes, even as there are things which seek still to derail me and to discompose me and to derail me and to utterly devastate me, even distracting me from Him in portion...they cannot truly. For my adherence to His tenets doesn't depend upon my ability. My loyalty to Him and continued pursuit of Him doesn't depend upon my tenacity. My steadfastness in love and devotion to Him and deepening knowledge of Him and His laws and His ways doesn't depend upon my own strength of will. Oh, Hallelujah, none of it depends upon me!

It's all about Him. Not by might, nor by power, but by the Spirit of the Lord. Because, seriously, y'all--unless the Lord builds the house, the laborers labor in vain. And that be for any temple, even as that which each of us does constitute. Thank You, Lord, that Your Precious Spirit does dwell within...to guide, strengthen, comfort, instruct in all things, edify, pray for that which we know not as we ought, give to us all which is ours through You, and provide us with all which we are and need and will become, in and through You.

Always questions and answers.

There's always more to a thing than precursory glances allow, even as there's more than ongoing study affords--there's always more, another level of revelation, with absolutely anything which remotely concerns the Lord and His ways and even knowledge of His ways.

He's infinite, so that's just part of the pursuit of Him.

Yet, it's been such a stumbling-block to become confounded around that realization, time to time--wanting so much for there to be an ultimate, finally comprehensive say on relative matters. Like marriage, and eschatological pursuits, and the nature of the Church, and the development of Believers, and the process of Salvation, and even on the extent of comprehending the nature of the work Christ accomplished incarnate, crucified, and resurrected. There seems possible an endless pursuit unto continual revelation in regard to everything which is the Lord's. Which...makes sense, entirely, but is so easy to lose sight of when fixating on a particular point of consideration...especially when it's something of a particular fascination, apparently.

I have to be careful of that. Sometimes it seems like certain fascinations in pursuit of knowledge of the Lord become so pressing that I start to lose sight of the Lord, Himself. If that makes any sense, put that way...

...just, like especially with eschatology, for example. Going so far into studying various theories and expositions on end-time prophecy and revelation...past a certain point, more emphasis becomes given to learning more and more about the way the prophecy is playing out in the world than is given to the sovereignty and majesty of the Lord as He who has given all which is of the fact of latter day events even being a "thing."

When the study, itself, takes precedence over my focus on the Lord...I have to go back to the Word as a whole, and to prayerful meditation upon the all, and into prayerful devotion and worship of the Lord, Himself, and communion with Him.

The fixation on marriage has been like that, all my life--something which just overtakes consideration of all else, throwing proper reverence and perspective out the window, when it comes through the door. So, yeah, that's kind of why hearing mention of it from so many quarters (of which you all have no means of knowing, except that I tell you it's been from so many sides, random)...hearing it mentioned so often in the past few weeks has been something which has ended up being a temptation to fret given into anxiety. A misstep on my account, in other words, to even be upended over the whole idea.

Thing which is the worst about it all, in retrospect, seems that in so compromising my focus on the Lord as to be in any fashion emotionally involved in the consideration...I've wrought variance unto any interpretation which comes. Maybe slight, but still...

...even if only in such a capacity that perspective is stunted...that it's wholly limited to merely what I've been willing to consider. Not to say that the bits considered don't encompass some amounts of the Lord's truth on the matter, but still...to have seen it as finite, in any capacity, is to have deviated from Him. Through emotionalism, largely.

It's so frustrating, as there's nothing can be done to get beyond that limitation in perspective except to pray and continue to seek the Lord even more ardently (for having realized internal blockade to revelation of Him, moreover). He'll deliver me from those blockades. He'll bring me to repentance and to healing, in whatever ways are necessary and good, as to be able to come to deeper revelation of Him. But to experience those stumbling-blocks is still painful in the immediate.

Gladly so, though, given that it inspires desire to pray through as necessary.

Something realized just a little while ago--I keep thinking about wanting desperately to somehow relay to a couple of folks who are in dire straits, unable to communicate verbally, the hope and promise in mentally communicating to Jesus what their needs are...because He'll fulfill those needs, then. Realized the truth of that. Prayer can move mountains. So long as we don't ask amiss--so long as we're not asking for stuff just to sate fleshly lusts and pride...then, asking in faith, we do receive all we ask for. And usually so much more, honestly.

Jesus always tends such precious care to one's needs.

And I don't know how well-applied the term actually is, to one who is eternal, but His patience exceeds comprehension. Just...He is so faithful, there's no means of even beginning to understand.

So many things, these past few weeks. And there are some things which...it would be nice, in one sense, to be able to talk about here...but, there's no peace with the idea of doing so. So, no doing.
Given all else and sundry that's been given to write here, that is absolutely mind-boggling at this juncture, but...I don't have to understand, just obey.

He has reasons which exceed our ability to reason. Thus, the best choice is always to trust His judgment. On all things.

That's such a strange thought, to me, every time it comes up. Just per the implications surrounding the saying. Telling Him that I trust His judgment... .

..as opposed to?

Seriously.

Just, it continually highlights how utterly fallible and weak-minded I am, every time. To even continually reach a point where it comes to mind to say, "I trust You," and "I trust Your judgment," to the one who gives my every breath. Kind of the core of the matter, as regards the difficulty we all seem to have in even now relating to Him...despite His indwelling Presence, the Holy Spirit. Even being indwelt by the Holy Spirit, still there's some weird disconnect between our spirit and our mind...our heart and our mind...wherein, somehow, we still manage to doubt.

Seriously--think about it. The God of the Universe lives, speaking as a witness to Truth, within you...guiding you into all truth and comforting you and reminding of all things the Lord has ever said...and that's a constant, upon conversion.

A constant. Jesus said so, and so it is. When we come to Jesus as our Savior, knowing the truth of His being God Incarnate, then dying on the cross as propitiation for our sins, overcoming death, hell, and the grave, resurrecting the third day, now ascended to heaven, reigning forever...once we know Him as such, He said we would receive the Holy Spirit, within.

So, the God of the Universe lives within us as a constant witness to our own spirit...and yet, somehow, in some completely warped fashion...we still manage to doubt.

How does that even...

It's some sort of perverse indulgence into surroundings, rather than reliance upon Truth.
The Holy Spirit is always witnessing to Jesus, directing to Him, and all which the Lord says is given unto us via the Holy Spirit. And yet we still doubt. It's such a tragedy, and worth much supplication, even as there had ought be constant rejoicing in the Presence of the Lord, indwelling.

Seriously.

I mean, how absolutely mind-blowingly phenomenal is that, even? ...the one who created us, who created everything, who loves us beyond all ability to even begin to comprehend, and who is guiding us and perfecting us and sanctifying us to Himself...is constantly with us, as dwelling within us. Always there. No matter what. No matter what we do. No matter where we go. No matter how horrible we act.

Along a more distended course, honestly, even the unsaved are constantly in the presence of the Lord, as He's omnipresent. He knows all. He sees all. And I can't even imagine the extent to which some things surely grieve Him, given the provision He has made for all unto salvation. And His wrath, even... ...I can't imagine how it's stoked against certain things. What a fearful thought. And people continue on, completely oblivious. Completely oblivious. Having been given over to a reprobate mind, as their lusts were wont.

He's always there, is the thing. Whether we accept Him or not--doesn't change a thing. He's still there. He's still God Most High. He's still entirely sufficient unto Himself, needing nothing yet having created and sought us unto Himself. No matter what we do, He doesn't waver.

No matter what we don't do, even. He's still who He is. All which He ever said He was, and will be forever. And I still can't wrap my mind around that, even to begin.

That's what makes it all the more heart-rending to see so many who outright reject even consideration of Him. That's what makes it all the more grievous to hear so many mock and taunt and ridicule His glorious name.
As though a child were laughing about trying to poke an untamed lion with a firebrand. It's only the patience of that majestic being which stays obliteration for such ignorance and blatant disrespect...mercy and grace abounding.

And yet folks somehow are distressed when suffering comes to themselves or others in the world...despite that so many people are actively running around, effectively throwing live cobras at all and sundry, by living in ways which constitute blatant defiance of God's will and His holiness.
We're the ones who've wrought havoc, who've unleashed chaos, who've unchained the vipers and lions upon the plains...by living in any-kind opposition to goodness, which is of God. We unleash that..."butterfly effect"-style.

Always, always, then...the prayer that He draws more and more unto Himself, for His name's sake...to His glory. That's the only comfort. That's the only cure. Being restored to fellowship with the Lord.

God bless you all. I'm just praying that we all continue to experience a higher degree of discipline in our means, methods, and experiences of fellowshipping with the Lord, in all ways, as to ever progress into deeper and more whole-hearted communion with Him.

So many things.

These past few days have been a struggle. Watching suffering and being unable to do anything to truly alleviate...

...there's an ongoing "internal" pressure to give directives as to how things "ought to be." There's an ongoing battle between a high-handed urge to proscribe needful activity/outlook and need for simply acting and speaking all things in love, without incentive except to love.

The conflict thereby has remained concentric about an idea that acting in love should somehow require overt confrontation of fatalistic thinking and action.

...needful suffering to handle the destiny God has for us--just spoken by a pastor whose sermons are appreciated. He just mentioned the necessity of refraining from self-willed desire to coach others in spiritual development, as the Holy Spirit is ultimately the only adequate coach.
...in line with all that, we'll be in constant conflict, as to grow spiritually. So, we must prepare ourselves for incredible suffering.

Makes so much sense. And is all the more reason not to alleviate the suffering of someone else when the Holy Spirit says not to do so, beyond just whatever love can be genuinely expressed.

...today's message has been all about how growth requires realizing incapacity. How the Lord shows Himself strong in my weakness when I reach the point where I'm no longer attempting to assert my own capacity for survival. It's necessary to realize I'm not able, is what I'm being told--I have to humble myself before the Lord, in respect to the realization that it's impossible for me to get through the struggle, myself. A greater degree of reliance, more fully conscious and more fully realized.
Because there's no alternative.

That's the thing. There's no alternative. Either fall apart completely under the pressure, and end up falling on my face before the Lord through pain and fear, or fall upon my face before the Lord in trembling humility with the realization that there's nothing humanly possible which can be done to survive, but that He is more than capable--His grace is always sufficient.

Those are the options.

Same as with there only being either "Faith or Death." Period.
And I choose faith. Even knowing it's only that the Lord keeps me in faith that such a thing is even possible--I'm not capable of maintaining faith, even, on my own. He has to keep me on that count, too, even as in all ways.

The way the idea of marriage was just presented, in terms of it comprising a rite of passage in growth, seems very curious. There's a lot of truth in what's said, that marriage and family provides a litmus test as to whether a person is capable of leading a flock, but that's still an incomplete picture. Otherwise, Paul would have necessarily had a family. It does, however, still hold very true in terms of the necessity for Biblical administration within the marriage, within the family, and within the church--that each does and will necessarily hold true to Biblical precepts, otherwise indicating need for greater discipleship with the Lord and insufficient maturity as to lead.

It's still just a strange point, for me, having necessarily renounced the idea of marriage and family as idols...but, then, a further angle thereabout...for a decade and a half, family and society have persistently derided and admonished my unmarried state, especially as without children. Since I'm not married, somehow it's still expected that I should at least have children. But neither have apparently been in the Lord's will for me, so it's well enough to accept and especially now having died to the ways of the world...to carry on in doing all which can be done, in His service, given all which He has provided and made way for.

Another incomplete picture which has been recent fixation exists in terms of the idea of decisional regeneration. There's some strange sort of disconnect, still, between the knowledge that salvation is a work of God, and the point at which man comes in. To the extent that, on one hand, there seem to be folks who don't believe that salvation should be presented as a choice whatsoever, except that folks go through a process of ardent pursuit and mentoring...and, on the other hand, folks who think that there's somehow no disconnect between a belief that proclaiming the Gospel is utterly futile, yet that altar calls and leading folks in a sinner's prayer are valid.

It has seemed that, given predestination and the Great Commission, there's necessity for proclaiming the Gospel to all ends of the earth regardless of what means or methods are used. The Lord will use whatsoever He wills as to draw in those who are His due, and by grace may it be so, so many. So, it's just...on the one hand, there seems to be need to try to restore brothers and sisters who have wholly wandered into the doctrine of men as to believe themselves glorified by their own works and ways--such that they take for granted that anything they decree is supreme as the Lord's will. There's got to be some means to bring folks back toward Biblical discipleship in the Holy Spirit--the Lord can and will have His own, even as He prescribed means and methods of discipline within the church in Scripture.

Just as...who are we to say that the Lord won't use whatsoever He wills as to yield the harvest of those who the Father has given Him? Granted, Biblical professions of the Gospel seem to be that which Paul attested to as the power and glory--the Gospel, itself, is what Paul seemed to be convinced was what worked salvation in others. Best as it's read to me, at least, proclamation of the Gospel has seemed what most performs the miracle of regeneration--betwixt, above, beyond, between, and around all else which might be brought in. Saved by grace, through faith. And faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God. Jesus is the Word, and all who call on His name will be saved. Believing that He, God Incarnate, came as a perfect sacrifice for the propitiation of our sins, dying to take death captive through His resurrection, then ascended to reign forever as our King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He reigns, now and always. And believing this, knowing it as truth--that He is the only Way, the Truth, and the Life--confessing it with our mouths, then, we are saved.

Still, there seems attempt to distill doctrine out of the Bible, rather than continuing in the knowledge that all Scripture is useful for instruction and doctrine. Not bits and pieces--all.

Just like...we can't really take just bits and pieces of God and worship that, and willfully ignore the rest of His attributes, and consider it valid. Which...we're incapable of knowing Him in His entirety--He's infinite, we're not... ...but to pretend He's constrained to our moment-by-moment comprehension of Him, entirely, invites a strange sort of disconnect which becomes increasingly self-referential.

That's one thing which is difficult, is all. I struggle still with accepting that there's no end-all, be-all to understanding and worshipping the Lord. I so want there to be an unwavering regard to move further and further into. I so want there to be a set-list of proscriptions for behavior and interpretation which doesn't vary, regardless of circumstances. I so very much want there to be a set of guidelines which are always entirely clear and which make clear everything that ever happens, so there's never any struggle to determine exactly what to do. And it's a terrible thing to want these things, because each and every one of them at core indicate a desire for self-reliance rather than reliance upon the Lord.

Which is terrible, and I hadn't even realized it as that till just now. But that's what it is. A desire to be able to be self-reliant, to know good and evil, rather than to rely upon the Lord. Oh..

That's terrible. Because He's so good. He loves me. He loves all of us, and His mercy is evident in that even those who oppose Him are alive with time yet to repent. Even as those who are His...continue to repent.

Even that...the ongoing, constant shift and change...would be overwhelming, except that there's possibility to rest in His love.

So many things. So many, many things. He's so faithful in showing me what needs to be tended to, is all.

Today has just been given to weakness, unfortunately. Gave in to overeating, and I've been praying so much about that...it's so very bad to give in to such a weakness. Food is for the belly and the belly for food, but eating should be gratefully undertaken as necessary to survival, rather than becoming given to indulgence. I'm sick of it, and even being surrounded by it doesn't mean anything. Just as with the smoking, I've just been given to ask the folks who have been the ones to constantly encourage over-indulgence to pray for me in regard to the particular short-coming. With the cigarettes, once the main person who had been encouraging my smoking was asked to pray for abstinence, they ceased encouraging me to smoke.

Just...it has to stop. There has to be more fasting. Has to be. Somehow, not being in the normal place has really drastically affected everything, though. Having to make accommodations for prayer, without the usual place to retreat to, has been very strange. The whole has just highlighted weakness and insufficiency.

Especially as concerns love. All the while, there's been an internal struggle over whether to assert my own "rights" as "an individual" as opposed to going all-out in whatever capacities can be fulfilled as to express love. Just the fact of the internal struggle has been shameful. So what if doing what love requires means that I'm not able to do the things I would prefer? The Lord will provide for me, and ensure that my needs are met--I don't have to try, and it's best that I not seek their fulfillment.

Matthew 6:33 has become increasingly, increasingly alive over these past six months. To the extent that yesterday, it further took on another wholly unexpected, supremely vital level of depth and breadth and width, yet again. Meaning that, even as I wait on the Lord, I must foremost seek first His kingdom and His righteousness. All things necessary will be given, but I must seek His kingdom and His righteousness, above all things. Loving Him above all else, beyond all people and things, seeking Him with my entire being, and evermore requiring Him as THE vital necessity which He is...then, also loving others, so much moreso than myself even--loving others to the extent that their comfort, preference, needs, and well-being are far more important than my own self-seeking interests. Because the Lord will provide for me, so I need not seek for myself--I need seek for the Lord and seek for others. That His kingdom come, His will done on earth as in heaven. Whatsoever is required.

Humility, though. Is painful. It runs against every fleshly impulse which still desperately needs to die. Humility requires that my own comforts and desires become completely void. Even as there's an odd sort of apprehension, now, over how that will outplay in regard to seeking the Lord above all else. There has to be some sort of balance, always, so even in crucifying self...it still has to be done in terms of following the Lord, rather than just in sacrificing myself to any and all who surround.

That's the only which yet comes to mind. There still has to be discernment. Prefer others above myself, subjecting myself to the Lord as to serve others. If I serve others outside of subjecting myself first to the Lord, I've stepped into disobedience to Him, is all. So, this is going to be...another very tentative venture, wherein all thought must be further subject to the Lord.

Given the struggles, thus far...

...it'll be fine, because knowing they've been as they are empowers to prayer. And He's faithful.

There have just been so many things attacking, trying to get me to step off into anxiety and into doubt and into overt questioning...and into planning. But I can't plan. It's not possible, given that everything is by the Lord's will, regardless. That's been one major point of humiliation, these past many months--starting out with some larger degree of pride, seeing needs and asserting designs to tend to those needs, then coming to realize the obstacles and being prevented by prioritization of other more necessary tasks from being able to fulfill professed plans... ...to the extent that, even trying to sign up to volunteer for certain things...even knowing and admitting to others that it wasn't something I was permitted to do... ...it's humiliating. Because there was no way to know that 24-hours prior to the date of volunteer, the pastor would blaspheme in the pulpit and the Spirit would be so grieved as to have me running sobbing from the church...then terrified at the prospect of returning. Even as, because of having made other plans within that 24-hour period...which also were unable to be kept...because of those plans, though, it was possible to speak with a second of the church elders from that place about why return was given as not possible.

It's just a constant temptation to want to tell people I can do this, that, or the other thing for them, so as to "help" them. And each time I've done it, willfully, I've gotten to eat my words. Even as last week and this week, it wasn't possible to make it to church on Tuesdays--at least I hadn't given in to telling someone who'd asked that I'd be there for certain. The things which were undertaken instead were of higher necessity--prayerful and in abject service.

Tomorrow, again. Don't get me wrong--I don't want to. But it's not about me. It can't be. It won't be. There's a need which has been given, and so long as the Lord still wills that I be given to fill it, then so shall it be. Even as there's no understanding, whatsoever, of how best to proceed. Just prayerfully.

So many, many things.

Even to find out that the one sister who was given to blasphemy and has been attempting to renounce the family...has now approached my father for money, again. So very disheartening, except for knowing that the Lord is sovereign...and that He does have plans for good for us, and He will bring us into that good.

So many, many things to keep praying about.

God bless you all. I pray that He keeps us close in these very tumultuous days, such that the storm which rages does nothing to touch our hearts, even as we find more solid purchase in His heart and His ways through deeper realization of quite how chaotic all else truly is. He will keep us and continue to perfect the work which He has begun in us, unto the day of completion.
Such an ardent prayer, that He does find faith in us when He returns. The thought that He would ask such a thing, even rhetorically, is heart-rending...oh, Lord, we do have faith. Please help our doubt, Lord. Help us to have the faith which will please you, increasingly.

Careful Speech and Listening.

Once more, since there's time.

There's a fine line between invoking and decrying, when it comes to speaking of certain things. And, honestly, I don't entirely know where that line is...which is why writing has to be a very prayerful exercise. And why listening has to be such a prayerful exercise--whether listening consists of reading or hearing, both equate to the same process of imbibing words into oneself.

It all has to be done very prayerfully. Even as mention is made of how certain things come as response to questions, and how certain things catch attention inexplicably for consideration, then becoming cumulative in nature of comprehending prior unknown concepts. The Holy Spirit leads into all truth, as the Lord said He would.

When I read of how He said there were things we need to know...things He wanted to tell us which we weren't capable of hearing, yet...then immediately talks about how the Holy Spirit will guide into all truth, when He comes to us, and how the Holy Spirit will bring to remembrance all things the Lord had said...

...every time I read of all that, it's made me wonder about all those things He wanted to tell us--what they were and how we're to hear them. But hearing the assurance in what follows regarding the Holy Spirit seems the proper resolution...and it always implies to me that He'll continue speaking to us. Nothing which contradicts anything He'd ever said, of course--He would never contradict Himself, so it's sound practice to ensure that all things agree with Scripture. Even as it's become increasingly apparent that the depth of meaning in the Scripture is something which we've barely begun to unravel the surface of...to the extent that certain things which seem like they may be contradictory never are, it's just that comprehension of the whole is completely superficial in regard to those things. Missler is right, on that count, for sure...and those sorts of revelations are always awesome (leaving one awe-stricken, yes).

Just...yeah. there's so much to everything

And every bit as much as certain things are true in certain directions, they don't necessarily contradict things which are come from a seemingly different direction. There are just so many layers.

OH!

Yeah, that totally makes sense.

It's just a furtherance of the bit about how different members of the body of Christ have different purposes, different ministries, different gifts from the same Spirit. Same Spirit. Same Scripture. Slight differences in interpretation, because each will have different needs as to what edification is required to further their particular purposes in the Lord.

Same goes in all counts, though. As we each have individual discipleship in the Lord, we'll each encounter points of progress at different rates and in different ways. So, we're given interpretation which suits our needs. He leads that way.

Along this line, the layers of meaning are only begun to unfold as we each progress in our walk with the Lord. Experiential understanding of one concept leads to a point wherein He can then reveal to us a deeper level of meaning which we couldn't bear prior to that point of progress.

And even as that's individual, it still holds for a group, too.

One thing I had been asking Him about for the past few months is why...with certain things read, there's just a level of depth which unfolds automatically, in light of experience and my walk with Him and in such a way that truth just jumps out in ways wholly unexpected, bringing life to words in new ways every time. And, yet, there are other particular concepts which...I know there's similar truth contained therein, but the superficial reading invokes such anxiety as given preconceived notions about the passages...that I can't get beyond that superficial anxiety. Like, consciously, I know there's deeper truth therein...but I can't get at it, for being trapped in the superficial considerations.

 Just because of the anxiety invoked in regard to the off-putting interpretations which have always occluded consideration, as they yet persist in discomfort.

But people will only ever see what they're willing to accept. The Lord has allowed for it, so many, many times over the course of all history--people who only want to see a little bit can stay in that place.

I'm just not good with that sort of restraint. Never have been, probably never will be. Only, thankfully...every bit as much as that sort of tendency was a complete curse when given to context of the world, it's just as much a blessing, now. The Lord has delivered even that major shortcoming unto good.

Although it does mean I'll end up wandering into some really "solitary" terrain. As always, really.
Yet, there'll still be those who will be points of contact in the physical realm. And, now, though...rather than those being the only companionship...the Lord is my companion, always.

I just can't comprehend why folks don't want that. Everyone can have it. He wants for that. And it's such an absolute blessing to hear folks talk about their walk with Him and testify to the grace and mercy and love He shows them. It's always so very edifying to hear about the things He's doing in the lives of others who know Him well. I long for that, from those others also humbled by His presence. Paul only ever boasted in Christ, boasting in His sufferings. And...even then, consider how much a boast it is, to boast of the Lord to the world--it gives them all the more reason to reject us outright.
Even amongst those who are religious, amongst those who know Christ sometimes.

Which is disheartening. Because the sort of boast when incurs persecution is one which isn't done in arrogance. Nope. It's one done in humility, yet with enthusiasm and hope and gratitude and exuberance and joy...always with a hope, such a hope, that there'll be likewise response or provide incitation of similar pursuit unto knowing His glory in greater capacity.

Jealousy is a frequent response. Completely perplexing, given the nature of the all. Why be envious of something that's every bit as much yours as mine? Seriously. Just...grasp it. Ask Him for it, and let Him lead you into deeper fellowship. Period.

Derision is the other frequent response. And it's one I've experienced myself in regard to others--it's worse than jealousy, given that it's a perversion of jealousy. Jealousy taking on an offensive tactic. ...wherein, not only is there jealousy over someone else's position, but that jealousy takes on a form of attack on their person since nothing can be done with immediacy to take from them what's theirs.

In regard to spiritual matters, it's all the worse, though. And, again--I'd been guilty of these things, myself, so definitely recognize them. Deliverance has wrought understanding, by grace. Compassion.

Just...there's also a fine line between ardently seeking to never knowingly offend and with proclaiming things which must be proclaimed despite their inherent offensiveness. part of which, too, in the latter...in certain instances only...has entailed prayerfully going through with saying the things which feel necessary and right. Then seeing the offense arise. And, then doing whatever can be made as to make peace, abasing self so to do without detracting from what's been said. Kind of humiliating.

But that's the thing. It's supposed to be humiliating.

The sermon yesterday was about that, in a very specific way. And it's something that I had to come to terms with over all the course of the week prior.

When you're set on a course to care for others...it seems there will always come a point wherein you have to chose between self-preservation and maintenance of perceived rights to "dignity"...and choosing to care for the other person/people in the ways which are most vital and necessary and caring. You'll come to a point where you have to make a decision between indulging your own sense of self and doing absolutely anything necessary to help the other person, no matter how degrading (as within the will of God--don't mistake that part, for sure, and only).

Whatever it takes. And, for me at least, there was a moment of self-pity which was extreme enough to yield tears...at the realization that either I give up on the idea of what I was capable of dealing with, give up on the idea of things which would surely bother me deeply and just deal with them and give it to God to help me through... ...and all this just stuff which required that pride be obliterated. Humiliating, hand-dirtying work. For the sake of someone else's comfort and well-being, without them ever being aware of the sacrifice required...and without it being something which can ever be made known.

But I had to give it to God, because it wasn't within me to be able to go through with things that would be so humiliating. He walked me through, step by step. And He's kept me through it all, and actually turned it all into something which has yielded further deliverance, rather than something which further bound me.

I'd still been off and on over it all week, though. And then the message on Sunday. About how the Lord emptied Himself to take on flesh. He was fully God and became fully man, too. Emptying Himself, as to do so. Emptying Himself of His rights. Emptying Himself of His supremacy--He humbled Himself completely, into the form of a homeless servant who was even mocked, loathed, and crucified...God, Himself, endured all of that. Emptied Himself of His rights, becoming as we are, because He loves us so much and it was how He could save us and reconcile us to Himself. Dying as a curse, even in His innocence taking on our sin, suffering the wrath which we were due, unto death...then dying, overcoming death, hell, and the grave so that we can be overcomers also, through Him...resurrected to reign eternal. Our eternal life is in Him.

But He humbled Himself so completely. God emptied Himself of divine supremacy by taking on flesh--becoming so humbled that He was a vulnerable babe, who even we could have held in our arms had we been alive them...He humbled Himself so.. ..seeking nothing for Himself.

Seeking nothing of His own will, only of the Father's...loving us that completely.

And so it's only right that we should do likewise. We don't even have anywhere near so far as to be humbled--we are infinitely lower than divinity, in ourselves. Yet, why is it so difficult? Why is there still such an urge to be self-seeking, to seek self-preservation, and to seek after what we perceive as necessities?

It's why the flesh has to forever be crucified. It always wants to step up, but it's not well to do so.
Maybe someday it won't be that way...but, if nothing else, then when He has completed His work in us for sure.

The all has to be so prayerfully pursued. All things. Only through the Lord is any of it possible--humility is something which runs entirely counter to everything in the flesh, so it has to come from the Lord. Otherwise, it ends up becoming something else which is convoluted and still self-seeking.

Always, always to be further humbled. Always. By the grace of God, I pray. For each of us.

Still, the desire to be able to truly comprehend how to always discern the difference between decrying a thing and invoking it. There are so many things which are rampant oppression in the lives of folks, unawares. There are signifying characteristics of oppression which are apparent in manners of speech, manners of comportment, and so many things.

I have no idea what there is which still exists in need of deliverance, myself, even--no idea what dark corners yet are in need of illumination in my own heart. He's faithfully revealing and delivering. There's just so much, so, so much...and with as fierce as the world is now, in its oppression and constant attack...the need for deliverance will likely persist as long as life in the physical remains. So, there's humility involved in talking about these things, knowing that I've been just as much captive and yet don't know what else the Lord will work in me to further freedom. Yet, I'm given to speak. And so I must, in humility.

The constant attack notwithstanding, the work must continue.

Seeing the depth of oppression, though, in regard to the things which deliverance has been received...and feeling how the witness within then responds to certain things said, receiving notification of how certain things are tied together and how they can yield bondage if left unchecked...having it gradually explained that even exposure can yield to vast oppression and even possession...

...having been shown all that, it's given now to speak to some extent. To whatever end, but definitely not my own purposes--I wouldn't know of a reason to talk about all this stuff, regardless.

Just...it has become increasingly apparent that merely speaking certain words can have deep spiritual effect. To the good or to the ill, really. So, all the more care always has to be taken when attempting to decry certain pitfalls, temptations, bondages, adversaries, and practices. Because...and maybe it's just dependent upon the spirit in which it's given and through which it's received?...using certain words invokes the spirit of the matter involved.

The only example I'm willing to give is in regard to the Lord. If I talk about Jesus, it brings Him to the fore of consciousness for anyone involved in giving and/or receiving the mention of His name. And there may be certain things which are built up in a person which oppose Christ, and those things will come to the fore. Even as, for one who walks with the Lord, mentioning the name of Jesus will bring up His peace and love and joy and will just further invoke the ongoing fellowship which persists in those who are His (whether consciously done or no, still it's the case given the gift of the Holy Spirit's indwelling as received upon conversion). It's that way for many things, is all.

So, decrying stuff has to be done very carefully.

Just as, the last few atheists I'd been given to speak to...a couple of them, I was given to warn them that if they continue to spend time around Christians, on Christian pages, interacting with Christians...they're very likely to be changed by God. Of course, it's all dependent upon His will in the matter. But there's certainty that if they continue, they'll be changed--either further hardened or saved, as the Lord wills. But affected, nonetheless.

Same goes to all of us, in regard to anything which has overt spiritual tones. So, all the more reason to very carefully, prayerfully hear and consider anything encountered. And all the more reason to always be very prayerful in anything said or written--because we're not capable of fully comprehending quite what all might come by way of what's said. Just, it's possible to bring things out which have no need nor good.

It all has to be centered around Christ, most of all. That. Yes.

Sleep, now.

God bless you all.