Yeah. So the attacks continue. Unto one last night which tried to convince me that, since sin is not eradicated I may as well give up on seeking or waiting upon God's will and just admit to being every bit the wretch ever I was. Witchcraft, idolatries, rebellions of all sorts, and just general lasciviousness inclusive. Because why try. Because I just can't. Because it's not in me to be perfect. And because...oh, what were the other insinuations and reasonings proffered? Things about essence, where if ever there is an inclination to any sin, and especially if ever a temptation failed, then it should serve as indication there's been no change at core.
And for just a moment or two, I was overcome. Felt defeat. Felt to surrender and just give into believing all the things. But in the midst of that temptation, two things came to mind. And I can't quite remember which was first, now. One was of desire to attempt another conversation with one of my best friends from before, to again plead truth, to again discuss who Jesus is, who we are, what that means, what our need is. And it came down to remembering the last conversation, a year ago. Hearing all the things that were every bit so much of who I was and being shocked and grieved and simultaneously despairing and rejoicing. Shocked both because of horror at the lack of hope, the inclination to do all and sundry for a momentary peace, fleeting...but also simultaneously seeing much of who and how I was, realizing the disparity to now. Grieved also along these same lines, and despairing of the inability to cross that divide or to bring her across into the truth of Jesus's saving power and will to salvage what's been corrupted and lost in turning away from and against Him, against God. Grieved to know the desolation, to hear it, and yet to simultaneously be flagrantly confronted with unwillingness to even hear truth, let alone consider it. Despairing not to be in a position to force or compel conversion. But gratefully conceding to the Lord's sovereignty, as unto solemnly and silently giving great thanks for His mercy on me, while yet pleading with Him for her. Rejoicing in Him. While despairing of the distance evidenced.
And of particular, thoughts turned from remembrance of that to asking the Lord whether a different approach to the conversation might be permissible and fruitful. Of striving to establish the horror of rebellion by seeking to gain commiseration against the originator of lies. But being reminded very clearly that the only thing to be evidenced along that path would be truth of sympathy on that front. Unto further evidencing the fact of despising God by sympathizing with those most opposed, outright and as an evidence of solidarity. Rather than unto highlighting the horror of sin.
The whole of which was a ridiculous and utterly wretched consideration, of this lattermost. Unwillingness to consider the truth of God is conscious, concerted rebellion against His sovereignty. So there's nothing for it except He soften the heart and convert. Hating God is hating God, and apart from realizing the truth of how horrible sin is, in light of realizing the implications of His being perfectly good and loving and perfectly just...unto the realization that wrath is deserved and due...and realizing, further, that there's forgiveness through Christ, unto reconciliation, salvation, and conformity to God's will, through justice and mercy. By grace. Apart from that, what is there?
And for just a moment or two, I was overcome. Felt defeat. Felt to surrender and just give into believing all the things. But in the midst of that temptation, two things came to mind. And I can't quite remember which was first, now. One was of desire to attempt another conversation with one of my best friends from before, to again plead truth, to again discuss who Jesus is, who we are, what that means, what our need is. And it came down to remembering the last conversation, a year ago. Hearing all the things that were every bit so much of who I was and being shocked and grieved and simultaneously despairing and rejoicing. Shocked both because of horror at the lack of hope, the inclination to do all and sundry for a momentary peace, fleeting...but also simultaneously seeing much of who and how I was, realizing the disparity to now. Grieved also along these same lines, and despairing of the inability to cross that divide or to bring her across into the truth of Jesus's saving power and will to salvage what's been corrupted and lost in turning away from and against Him, against God. Grieved to know the desolation, to hear it, and yet to simultaneously be flagrantly confronted with unwillingness to even hear truth, let alone consider it. Despairing not to be in a position to force or compel conversion. But gratefully conceding to the Lord's sovereignty, as unto solemnly and silently giving great thanks for His mercy on me, while yet pleading with Him for her. Rejoicing in Him. While despairing of the distance evidenced.
And of particular, thoughts turned from remembrance of that to asking the Lord whether a different approach to the conversation might be permissible and fruitful. Of striving to establish the horror of rebellion by seeking to gain commiseration against the originator of lies. But being reminded very clearly that the only thing to be evidenced along that path would be truth of sympathy on that front. Unto further evidencing the fact of despising God by sympathizing with those most opposed, outright and as an evidence of solidarity. Rather than unto highlighting the horror of sin.
The whole of which was a ridiculous and utterly wretched consideration, of this lattermost. Unwillingness to consider the truth of God is conscious, concerted rebellion against His sovereignty. So there's nothing for it except He soften the heart and convert. Hating God is hating God, and apart from realizing the truth of how horrible sin is, in light of realizing the implications of His being perfectly good and loving and perfectly just...unto the realization that wrath is deserved and due...and realizing, further, that there's forgiveness through Christ, unto reconciliation, salvation, and conformity to God's will, through justice and mercy. By grace. Apart from that, what is there?
Coming to the Father through the Son. By His Holy Spirit
And I remember being unyielded. I remember despising Him. I remember resenting the truth of Jesus's sovereignty, and being surprised to be shown the vehemence. Appalled at how deeply I resented the truth of His sovereignty and what that means, of my life and my being. I am His. We all are. He created. He owns. Period.
And we'll all come to terms with that, here and now through Christ unto redemption, or hereafter as our rejection evidences judgment. Either way, we'll all bow. Period.
But I was very clearly shown, again, the divide there. And no matter how I might despair of myself and my sin, there's no life apart from Him. Period. Just isn't possible.
And secondarily, the peace of His presence became "loud" in the silence of my despair. And I was reminded I'm not alone. He is with me. And those in whom His Spirit dwells, with whom He has made a home, are His. And He made it very clear that nothing and no one can snatch us away. Period. He will bring every rebel power into subjection.
If I was capable of conquering sin...if any of us were, in our own strength and by our own inclinations...He would not need have done as He did. Entering humanity, overcoming temptations--all temptations such as we are ever tempted--being rejected, mocked, counted as afflicted by God, dying a sinner's death--enduring wrath reserved for all of us, entering even death. And overcoming it all. Resurrecting. He laid His life down and He picked it up again. He said He was given that. And He did it. Then went to be with the Father, sending His Holy Spirit to be with us all, until the end. Ever after, then.
Convicting of truth, righteousness, sin, and the wrath to come. Guiding, instructing, reminding, and giving us speech as He sees fit, even unbeknownst. Witnessing of our adoption as sons. A present assurance of our acceptance in Christ, before the Father. Bearing witness within of His identity to us and of our identity in Him.
And He reminded. So it's in His hands. He's capable.
And none of us are tempted except as what's common. Yet what's shown in the dark, we are to proclaim in the light. And comfort as we're comforted. So, there's all that.
This world is so strange. So many tricksy things. Every little bit, on all sides, seeks to distract from the kingdom. From the truth. But He reminds. And He keeps what's been committed to Him, to the end. He is the author and perfecter of our faith. And He completes the work He begins.
We can know this. He's made record and preserved it.
I am so grateful for His Word. For Him.
He will line me out. He is doing so. And will continue. And that's enough.
I don't need to understand. I don't have to do anything except rest in Him, trust Him, and keep my eyes on Christ, my redeemer and friend. He leads one step at a time, one act at a time, one moment at a time. Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. And each moment in between, trusting Him for whatever comes.
Not because I'm capable, but because He is. And He's good. And kind. And loving. And disciplines those whom He loves, ever so mercifully. In God I trust, in whom I rest.
Whatever comes or goes. My Shepherd is good. Faithful. And He overcame.
And I remember being unyielded. I remember despising Him. I remember resenting the truth of Jesus's sovereignty, and being surprised to be shown the vehemence. Appalled at how deeply I resented the truth of His sovereignty and what that means, of my life and my being. I am His. We all are. He created. He owns. Period.
And we'll all come to terms with that, here and now through Christ unto redemption, or hereafter as our rejection evidences judgment. Either way, we'll all bow. Period.
But I was very clearly shown, again, the divide there. And no matter how I might despair of myself and my sin, there's no life apart from Him. Period. Just isn't possible.
And secondarily, the peace of His presence became "loud" in the silence of my despair. And I was reminded I'm not alone. He is with me. And those in whom His Spirit dwells, with whom He has made a home, are His. And He made it very clear that nothing and no one can snatch us away. Period. He will bring every rebel power into subjection.
If I was capable of conquering sin...if any of us were, in our own strength and by our own inclinations...He would not need have done as He did. Entering humanity, overcoming temptations--all temptations such as we are ever tempted--being rejected, mocked, counted as afflicted by God, dying a sinner's death--enduring wrath reserved for all of us, entering even death. And overcoming it all. Resurrecting. He laid His life down and He picked it up again. He said He was given that. And He did it. Then went to be with the Father, sending His Holy Spirit to be with us all, until the end. Ever after, then.
Convicting of truth, righteousness, sin, and the wrath to come. Guiding, instructing, reminding, and giving us speech as He sees fit, even unbeknownst. Witnessing of our adoption as sons. A present assurance of our acceptance in Christ, before the Father. Bearing witness within of His identity to us and of our identity in Him.
And He reminded. So it's in His hands. He's capable.
And none of us are tempted except as what's common. Yet what's shown in the dark, we are to proclaim in the light. And comfort as we're comforted. So, there's all that.
This world is so strange. So many tricksy things. Every little bit, on all sides, seeks to distract from the kingdom. From the truth. But He reminds. And He keeps what's been committed to Him, to the end. He is the author and perfecter of our faith. And He completes the work He begins.
We can know this. He's made record and preserved it.
I am so grateful for His Word. For Him.
He will line me out. He is doing so. And will continue. And that's enough.
I don't need to understand. I don't have to do anything except rest in Him, trust Him, and keep my eyes on Christ, my redeemer and friend. He leads one step at a time, one act at a time, one moment at a time. Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. And each moment in between, trusting Him for whatever comes.
Not because I'm capable, but because He is. And He's good. And kind. And loving. And disciplines those whom He loves, ever so mercifully. In God I trust, in whom I rest.
Whatever comes or goes. My Shepherd is good. Faithful. And He overcame.
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