Reminded to turn to Christ for all sufficiency. No planning. No wondering. No goals. No worries. Wanting is actually idolatry, unless subject to Christ first. And even then...anything wanted has to be taken and surrendered to Him otherwise sin springs forth.
Like James wrote. The flesh giving forth to wanting things, lusting after things (money, prestige, marriage, success, schooling, professional degrees, groceries, financial solvency, paid bills, pain free living, etc.). Lust draws us away from seeking God foremost and exclusive, thus is unto sin. Pretty simple, but everything in me that wants to try to justify worldly ideals and ways absolutely revolts at the idea of not even wanting things without subjecting those "wants" to Christ. Better to use the word "wants" than "desires" or "lusts" at this point because those latter two words seem to have taken on near-exclusively romantic and/or sexual dimensions in this age. All the more to delude us from realizing that carnal thinking on any front--regardless dealing with entertaining movies or illicit relations and thoughts--is sin. Covetousness is covetousness, whether of prestige, material matters, or physical gratification.
Point being, though, not only is it okay to just trust Him and follow Him moment by moment, that's what we're expected to do as following Christ and being led by His Spirit. I've been experiencing so much conflict over not being able to plan despite thinking to know His will, on one front. And conflict over being gradually convinced we need to plan, as to be godly, from another.
And between the two such conflicts and others, I'm otherwise feeling utterly adrift and at the mercy of forces utterly beyond me, except to cry out for help. One after another, various temptations and terrors have plagued and attempted to overwhelm. And more still, now. Another new round of whispers today citing things I'd not previously considered as possible machinations and suspicions and accusations and...general madness, really. But I'm still going to refer the all back to God.
He's known my heart in all matters from before time. He's known it all the while of my life and continues to reveal unto repentance again and again, and for the remainder of my walk on earth promises to do so. That's enough. Doesn't matter who knows what, beyond Him. Whatever pain or horrors come, still. He will carry me through. Because the threats now aren't any different than they were at the outset when walking with Christ initially. And as was made clear today, I don't have to prove anything, I am a child of God.
Like James wrote. The flesh giving forth to wanting things, lusting after things (money, prestige, marriage, success, schooling, professional degrees, groceries, financial solvency, paid bills, pain free living, etc.). Lust draws us away from seeking God foremost and exclusive, thus is unto sin. Pretty simple, but everything in me that wants to try to justify worldly ideals and ways absolutely revolts at the idea of not even wanting things without subjecting those "wants" to Christ. Better to use the word "wants" than "desires" or "lusts" at this point because those latter two words seem to have taken on near-exclusively romantic and/or sexual dimensions in this age. All the more to delude us from realizing that carnal thinking on any front--regardless dealing with entertaining movies or illicit relations and thoughts--is sin. Covetousness is covetousness, whether of prestige, material matters, or physical gratification.
Point being, though, not only is it okay to just trust Him and follow Him moment by moment, that's what we're expected to do as following Christ and being led by His Spirit. I've been experiencing so much conflict over not being able to plan despite thinking to know His will, on one front. And conflict over being gradually convinced we need to plan, as to be godly, from another.
And between the two such conflicts and others, I'm otherwise feeling utterly adrift and at the mercy of forces utterly beyond me, except to cry out for help. One after another, various temptations and terrors have plagued and attempted to overwhelm. And more still, now. Another new round of whispers today citing things I'd not previously considered as possible machinations and suspicions and accusations and...general madness, really. But I'm still going to refer the all back to God.
He's known my heart in all matters from before time. He's known it all the while of my life and continues to reveal unto repentance again and again, and for the remainder of my walk on earth promises to do so. That's enough. Doesn't matter who knows what, beyond Him. Whatever pain or horrors come, still. He will carry me through. Because the threats now aren't any different than they were at the outset when walking with Christ initially. And as was made clear today, I don't have to prove anything, I am a child of God.
Threats to absolutely destroy keep coming, though. But nothing from my end has changed. The enemy can only do as much as permitted by God. And I entrust myself to Jesus wholly--whatever comes. Whatever goes. Because He is worthy and He is able to keep that which has been committed to Him. For the sake of love, above all, I commit myself and my keeping to Him.
If I had no love for Him, there'd be far less inclination to forsake all the rest of creation at any cost to be nearer Him. No matter the pain. No matter what comes.
He does truly work all things to the good of those who love Him, even. And even if that didn't come until after my death from this earth, then still...I could suffer and rejoice and rest assured in knowing His will will be done. Whatever the cost. Whatever comes.
In suffering, in lack, in abundance, no matter what. He increasingly has evidenced His faithfulness, to greater degrees of certainty in His keeping. And that's everything. I will not back down.
How many altars then, to stand at and renew my vows to Him whom I love? Because again and again, the line needs to be drawn. Daily renewal, even. But all the more, to do so public. Before God and man.
Whatever the cost, whatever comes, I commit myself and all my will to Jesus Christ, my God and my Lord. He will guide, He will lead. He will deliver.
And where understanding proves false and presumption leads wrongly, He will otherwise and nonetheless direct in all matters necessary. Restraint or empowerment. However He wills. That's enough.
I trust Him. I trusted my life with Him, ever turning to Him, for otherwise wanting nothing more to do with life, yet finding myself daring to hope at Christ's appearing. I entrusted my heart to Him, also. Increasingly, still.
So whatever He allows is to good. Period. No matter how painful. And all the more so when it is that much more painful, at times. Forcing dependence: To force turning to Him as there is nothing and no one else who can help.
Jesus alone can save. He alone will. God's plans or ours, but only one of the two is good. Evil certainly abounds, but it's not worth pursuing. Always to destruction.
Merciful, really, that some might find themselves destroyed in the flesh, then turning to God.
Like I did.
No turning back, no matter what. No looking back. Onward.
...
Whatever Your will, Lord.
Jesus, You are all I want, all I need.
You are everything.
Please forgive me for doubting You and for becoming so distracted, Lord. I am sorry.
Thank You for keeping me in the midst of my wandering.
Thank You for drawing me back.
Keep me close, Lord.
I love You so much, please help me love You more.
By Your will, Precious Lord. But by Your will.
If I had no love for Him, there'd be far less inclination to forsake all the rest of creation at any cost to be nearer Him. No matter the pain. No matter what comes.
He does truly work all things to the good of those who love Him, even. And even if that didn't come until after my death from this earth, then still...I could suffer and rejoice and rest assured in knowing His will will be done. Whatever the cost. Whatever comes.
In suffering, in lack, in abundance, no matter what. He increasingly has evidenced His faithfulness, to greater degrees of certainty in His keeping. And that's everything. I will not back down.
How many altars then, to stand at and renew my vows to Him whom I love? Because again and again, the line needs to be drawn. Daily renewal, even. But all the more, to do so public. Before God and man.
Whatever the cost, whatever comes, I commit myself and all my will to Jesus Christ, my God and my Lord. He will guide, He will lead. He will deliver.
And where understanding proves false and presumption leads wrongly, He will otherwise and nonetheless direct in all matters necessary. Restraint or empowerment. However He wills. That's enough.
I trust Him. I trusted my life with Him, ever turning to Him, for otherwise wanting nothing more to do with life, yet finding myself daring to hope at Christ's appearing. I entrusted my heart to Him, also. Increasingly, still.
So whatever He allows is to good. Period. No matter how painful. And all the more so when it is that much more painful, at times. Forcing dependence: To force turning to Him as there is nothing and no one else who can help.
Jesus alone can save. He alone will. God's plans or ours, but only one of the two is good. Evil certainly abounds, but it's not worth pursuing. Always to destruction.
Merciful, really, that some might find themselves destroyed in the flesh, then turning to God.
Like I did.
No turning back, no matter what. No looking back. Onward.
...
Whatever Your will, Lord.
Jesus, You are all I want, all I need.
You are everything.
Please forgive me for doubting You and for becoming so distracted, Lord. I am sorry.
Thank You for keeping me in the midst of my wandering.
Thank You for drawing me back.
Keep me close, Lord.
I love You so much, please help me love You more.
By Your will, Precious Lord. But by Your will.
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