More of the Same

He will carry the pieces. There's nothing else.

He has to give boldness, too.

For Paul to ask for prayers that he would share the Gospel with boldness...? It helps to know there was anything in him that would possibly falter and sway to temptation to fear man more than God. I am so fickle on that front.

But I cast myself on Jesus's mercy. There's nothing else. He has to help, or there will be no help.

I don't want to deny Him. I don't want to fear man more than God. And not just because of knowing God can destroy me with mere thought. Not just because I know He's capable of wiping me out and all those whom I love, without notice.

But I want to speak of Him proudly, because He is God and I love Him. And that's enough. Speaking boldly, out of love. Defending the One I love, foremost. Against any opposition, no matter how vehement or vitriolic. No matter what.

No matter the cost.

Jesus, unless You help me with that, I'm not going to be able. I am willing, Lord, which is even Your work, but I'm not able. I just can't. It isn't in me. And that's terrible and I'm sorry. And it's grievous that I should love You and somehow still be ashamed to acknowledge You before all the world, openly daily. Even to a point of forcing myself to be open, as defiance against the fear and shame.
I am sorry, Lord. Jesus, please forgive me. I am so sorry.

I can't do this, Lord. I can't do any of it. I don't even know what's necessary. But You do. You are able. You are willing. Your love is enough to change me. To draw me and keep me and transform me and heal me. Please help.

And my friends, Lord. There's nothing I can bring to You except grief. Father, help. Please, just help.

Unless You do, there's nothing. We await You, Lord. We await Your will.