Love and Fear: Seek to Know Christ

There is some new precipice, now, to be surmounted, surpassed, assimilated and built upon.

Can't quite fully grasp, as there are so many, many things involved that are all of the workings of months, in coming together. But for sake of desiring still, more deeply to understand...

...writing helps, when talking with someone isn't possible.

Rumination isn't sufficient.

There's something of love.
And, yes, of reverence.

Those two, as conjoined, have been reverberating increasingly for months.

Fear and love. Reverential devotion, abject love. Even a terror, really, isn't out of place...in looking more full upon who Jesus is...God, Incarnate.

A consuming fire, He's been called.
That even a sharp, two-edged sword would be considered to proceed from His mouth. Words so sharp as to divide between soul and spirit. And so potent to create a universe, setting in motion all of time and space and supporting each and all, from that moment of speech, ever onward.

All knowing, all seeing, all powerful. And those who refuse Him have set themselves under His wrath, for despising His love. For, He is just. Unwaveringly just. Even as He, Himself, made way for mercy to those who would turn to Him, so seeking His mercy through that way which He alone paved. To Him, Through Him. Forever changed.

I had opportunity, briefly, to communicate with someone who has experienced salvation within the past year. My zeal was a bit...excessive, perhaps? Or, really, I don't know. There was no sensation of being overly aggressive. I felt no sense of being pressed to withdraw or be less straightforward. Rather, it felt quite proper to proceed full-scale with the issues most at stake.

Even as the result was silence.

Regardless, even as there's always a sorrow come for having again been met with silence, and all it represents...still, it's well enough to have done what was given. Well enough. Lacking nothing. Losing nothing. Having gained only a moment, at least, for open exchange. Without compromise, regardless not having "well manipulated" the exchange. Better, moreover, for not having attempted such nonsense.

To meet another believer, though.

One who has and is increasingly coming to know Christ, on Christ's own terms?...as, truly, is the only way to come to know Him, in spirit and truth...?

There's just something there. Always...always...always such a joy, in the meeting. Even if it doesn't go terribly well, then there's always still the love which is prevalent, none the less, and thereafter to pray whenever thought comes to mind. Even as had been done, in passing, before. Then, Lord willing, moreso now.

Against walking in the strength of the flesh. Against walking according to our own understanding. We cannot do these things, merely because we are no longer of that ilk. And so, only discord is wrought per attempt to so-continue along those such lines.

Attempting to continue to be what we no longer are, we battle our very selves, rather than turning to Christ to deliver us even again. And again. And again.

Every moment of every day, until such day as His work is fully complete in us.

Every thought into captivity to Christ.

So, had we ought think ourselves capable of somehow consciously situating ourselves so to do?

If so, then there is an apparent error, in itself. The conscious mind does not always well decipher spiritual impulse, as apart from self. So, being unable to tell whether something is wrought of God or of self, according to mere human understanding, would you then bring every thought into subjection to a human comprehension of Christ?

...when, certainly, for anything of the spiritual which Paul mentioned in multiple...as attack...how, then, even to react, if it's not even something consciously remarked, consciously detected as occurring?

How would you seek to fight spiritual battles with physical weapons?, in other words.

So, yet, we seek nonetheless to establish our own series of understanding, rather than looking to Christ to lead. Which, even given what we have in Scripture, as distinct from the individual leading of the Holy Spirit (and never contradictory to it)...even as nonetheless a codex, a diagram, a plotline, a series of direction...then, still, do we really believe at some point our own minds just engaged Scripture in such a way as that it suddenly became comprehensible because of our inherent ability to understand?

That would be as though a blind one from birth then suddenly awoke to see all their surroundings and just assumed it was because they had persisted in breathing and wondering at what sight might be--perhaps having ascribed as necessity all the latest dietary fads, rigorous physiological exercises relevant, and mental and social exercises as were considered contributory to good health and recovery of sight in those recuperating from some passing illness (rather than complete blindness from birth).

Yet, still, finding sight had come one morning and assuming it wrongly attributable to the methods and manners and perspectives and practices of living which had been adhered to...when, in truth, none of those things made one difference more than another, except that the living God who hears condescended to answer an even unspoken prayer--a longing--by granting sight, even without receiving due honor and praise for so having done.

And, then the one goes on to tout the utility of all those such methods and practices and studies and regimens to all who will listen, then only giving perhaps a side-mention to the God which otherwise does entirely provide all life, regardless acknowledgment.

How long will we do this? Each in differing ways, yet still undiscerning.

Lord, oh Father!, have mercy!

He gives sight to the blind. But those who perceive themselves as seeing have no need of healing, thus are blind all the more. Same as the dead are raised, at the sound of His voice. And yet those who walk as such aren't even aware the state, prior to being raised.

And even thereafter, in many instances--still largely unaware!

So strange, so very strange.

And this is all one facet of what's all the case, at present, on all sides. Largely.
Except for individual pockets. Some insulated, even as to be unaware this being the lamentable, grievous case of their other siblings in Christ.

There's nothing to mock, in other words. And even where once was scathing rebuke, perhaps now even there is still such need...but all the more from love, pleading. Turn to Him!

Love must rule the day, is all.
Self-sacrificing love.
Self-effacing, even, if it comes to a choice between degrading someone else or demoting oneself in the eyes of others.
Jesus, Himself, bore our shame...for those who are His...He did...
...and would we listen as our brothers, sisters, and all others considered church are mocked, without defending for the sake of Christ's name, at the very least?

Are we too good to be associated with others who are "less discerning," "less understanding," "less rigorous," "less intelligent," "less knowledgeable," less than ourselves???

And if that is the case, then we are sorely in error.

We are to count ourselves the least of ALL men, even as Christ went silent as a lamb to the slaughter--He, far more to an infinite and unsearchable degree--did NOT deserve what was done Him, and yet He humbled Himself even to that point. A servant to all, not just to the deserving.

For none were or are deserving.

So, then, if He...our Jesus, our Messiah!...did that even for us--the worst of all sinners!!!

Then would we count ourselves better than Him, so even as to mock anyone?

Of all those who were in a position to mock, to lament, to decry a generation, to defend Himself, and to generally just...have not suffered indignation unto death upon a cross...and all entailed, unto our salvation...

...of all who could have claimed that place, then, and He didn't do so. He chided, He earlier lamented, He previously rebuked and implored, even speaking and acting out zealously, in what perhaps, hopefully was enough to jostle many to awareness, to hearing, to sight!

...but He did not defend Himself. And, for our sins, unto our salvation...He led Himself be sacrificed, suffering shame and degradation and suffering unconscionable.

He stood up, on those accounts, in those places...for us...

...when we were the ones who deserved such as would have been justice, ever having turned to despise the love of God, despising God Himself...

...but He didn't condemn us, in that moment.

He stood in our place. In that sense, standing up for us...with the Father, even now...pleading on our behalf...for His sake, for sake of who He is...

...the Father listens...

...and are we in position to mock ignorance of falseness or any bit of wretchedness, then, which except for grace, we too would wholly be mired in?

To act in such a way is to esteem oneself more highly than Christ.

Does that make sense? Do you understand?
And of these factions which the church is at present...consisting of...

...is there not that tendency, on all sides?

To point, and pick, and boast, and deconstruct, and hyper-analyze, and speak condemnation?

And when instance arises where others speak of the strange things believed or practiced in certain places, do we not sometimes seek to separate ourselves from that "type" of practice, that "sort" of belief? ...as though they were not a part of the body of Christ, even as allowed by Him to atrophy to any degree (we all have, quite frankly)? ...as though we were a member of some portion which is perhaps more "right-minded?" ...or "well-practiced?" ...or more "theologically sound?" ...or more "spiritually alive?" ...or more "in tune with the Holy Spirit?" ...or a multitude of other distinctions often claimed.

If these places were not in some capacity blessed of God as to even continue to proclaim His name in any capacity...unto true regeneration...

...or true sanctification in growing in the fruits of the Holy Spirit...

...even then, could or would we be in a "position" to decry them as defunct, wholly un-sanctified, and absolutely not part of Christ's Church?

Put another way:

Where is the dialogue between member parts?

When is the fellowship between branches?

If it's only ever insular along individual courses, then are we really participating in the body of Christ?

...

Now, take this in mind alongside the posturing which the (not "universal," in sense of the Apostles' Creed, but according to self-definition:) Catholic Church has been maneuvering into and toward for the past...near 10 years, openly...again, perhaps, but still...

...attempting to bring all faiths together.

Which I'm not given to speak on, right now, but...oh, pray!

Pray for the Catholic Church. Pray for other religions. Pray for the Church, universal.

Pray that the Lord will unite us. To serve.
Unite us, to His glory.

We bicker over words and ourselves none know the way of discernment, apart from our own understanding. Even thinking to know, we don't know. As evidenced by discord, seclusion, restraint against attempted accord...if only by way of prayer, initial, then as seeking the Lord must lead. He must, otherwise it would only be pursued according to our own understanding, by our own means and in our own strength, and would thus fail.

Same as we've splintered.

Arguing over words.
Arguing over allegiances, other than that to Christ.
Arguing over understanding.

Arguing.

Debating.

Mocking.

Deriding.

Debasing.

Denouncing.

Which...if you take into account that Christ is the source of the church's very existence...
...what He allows has been His allotment, even allowing us to falter some steps distant, fearing to depend upon Him, to trust Him, to draw near...

..He allows whatsoever is His prerogative to allow...

...and if He has allowed the church to falter and apostasize, then who are we really mocking and denouncing, when we speak too harshly against her?

He has shown me how guilty I am, of this.
Terribly guilty.

No way to stop, except that He do that work. My heart is broken to realize it's Him, whom I love, who I've been deriding in denying or mocking those who don't operate within the same particular functional capacity as what mine is becoming...

...He knows what He's doing. He always has.

So, my place is to draw nearer to Him.

This is what we all need do.
Draw nearer to Him.

So to love more deeply, to worship Him more reverently (even unto terror--which, this is a horrid way of putting it...but for effect, in truth...you don't need horror movies or stories to incite terror or palpitations or heart-stopping, breath-halting fear...when You come to a position of really seeking to know Him, as He is...there is that, thereabouts, in being awestruck over His sheer Holiness, Majesty, and Immanence, combined even with utter Omnipotence and Omniscience...not to even mention what it would be to experience His anger..)...

...but, yeah...

...love Him more deeply, worship Him ever more reverently...
...seek Him more constantly...

...and love...

Pray...and love.

Let Him lead.
Forsake your own understanding. His is far higher.
Seek to know Him, in truth, and He will lead.

For now, this is all.
Seek to know Christ.

Not just to know about Him.
Know Jesus.
Himself.

He is who He has said He is.
So He hears, and He does respond.

And what did He say?...the pure in heart would see God?
Unalloyed desire, so to do, then.

Completely given to seek Him, unto finding.

He will be found by those who seek Him with all their heart, requiring His as utmost necessity.
He said so.

This isn't something which, like earthly pursuits, is a goal which has a conceptual end-date or date of projected accomplishment. He is infinite and eternal, which means that every bit as much as He reveals of Himself, there's no limit to what all we can know of Him...how deeply, even. we can fellowship with Him, moreover.

A "getting to know" period, of sorts. Which...just happens to be an eternal prospect, given who He is.

But just as when we seek to become acquainted with one another, here and in the present realm, it takes a while to become familiar enough as to feel comfortable speaking of the deepest parts of our hearts' desires...why would we expect it to be different, in moving nearer into relationship with Christ?

Granted, there are some of us who don't much care for preliminary small-talk, but who just start in with the major notes...but most folks really are off-put by that approach. Too much, too soon, and then a hasty retreat.

Would He any more completely overwhelm a person with deep knowledge of who He is, at the outset?

...that's His prerogative, given He knows what is right and good for each and every instance occurring.

Just...even if, every moment of every day, my every thought were "Seek Christ, seek to know Him more deeply!"...with accompanying prayer and reaching out, in His direction--via any then-suitable means...

...then, still, I could spend the rest of my life in that very way, and still not come to a total mastery of who He is. Again...He's infinite.

Ever more deeply to contemplate His perfections, there.
To reflect upon His goodness.
To bask in His love.
To know His heart.
To search His understanding.
To query of His wisdom.

To know Him.

He, who gave all, even divesting Himself of all but love and humility (so I've heard, as terms go) so to be robed in flesh, even as an infant, then to tabernacle amongst us, teaching, being rejected and scorned, and sacrificing Himself...for us...

...so that we could be turned from wickedness and depravity, restored to right relation with Him, given hearts of flesh again, clear sight and hearing...understanding and true knowledge...

...in Him.

Through Him.

All our sins cast on Him. He bore their weight, never having committed sin. He yet took them. For all the world, John said. And yet, there are so many, still, who refuse Him. So many who would despise their Maker, who made way for reconciliation...for freedom from sin and its curse...its courses.

yet so many still refuse Him

Pray.

He would that none should perish, and yet He doesn't force us to repent.
He gives the gift of repentance to those who seek Him, seeking truth.

Even unto salvation, regeneration.

...sanctification...

And it doesn't end, the progress, the process.

Even though there are some who try to dissuade us, at times, and some who try to discourage us, at others...and so many, many, many things which attempt to distract--even claiming there "is nothing else to learn" in Christ...best to just slack off and find something else to do, rather than seeking Him...

...but these are only attempted distractions. Falsehoods, moreover.
But He keeps us, through them
He will guide us, out of them.

His grace did save us.
It has kept us each safe thus far.
And it will lead us home.