Indeed, too harsh.
Another step, today. Even seeing as error is still allowed, as it's desired.
Even seeing as there are still those things which are near unto, but yet not error, just for seeming even so foreign to general understanding.
Christ is the difference.
Always the difference.
He preserves those who are His, who seek Him for His own sake and not for the sake of self-interest. Forsaking self for sake of Christ.
So, there are those whose walk with the Lord was specifically different...whose walk was with God, in Christ, in truth...
...whose lives were corrupted by shortsightedness, per the retrospect of others, outside.
Whose words were twisted, same as Christ's still are...same as Paul's...same as God's words were even twisted, from the outset of sin, by Satan. "Did He say...?"
And ever onward, thereby.
Such that...there are strains of truth even in offshoots, denominationally.
Just as the distinction, again, is between whose interests are served. Christ's or one's own?
I went far too far into generalization, and probably still will...except for grace.
Such a corrupted tendency, that is--to group, label, and designate as faction, according to even the most preliminary similarities...understanding being limited at any moment, but still seeking to exert some sense of understanding.
That is what is most...humbling about this, today.
Because He has been leading me out of errors, bit by bit, strain by strain. But just per the sheer force and breadth of the delusion so long labored under, and per my persistent tendency to fear rather than just freely trust God...thus, seeking to place a strong disclaimer, a solid delineation as stated known...
...because of such fears, I've yet clung again and again to bits and pieces which are clear.
And I see this in all of us, which has been part of what He's used to help me see it in myself--clinging to levels of understanding, for a perceived sense of safety which we cling to for having believed in a solid understanding...rather than simply believing Christ, clinging to Him...but clinging to moments and pieces and splinters of understanding.
The warnings always are warnings experienced to myself.
I stray so continually, except that He keeps me. Continually.
The distractions come from all sides, and to any degree which I'm not focused upon Christ and fellowshipping with Him (even silently abiding in His presence)...temptation mounts.
Just...right now...
...there are things I have been sorely tempted to redact, for having spoken so strongly against particular practices, given a broader depth of perspective.
But they weren't wrong. Only unqualified, in terms of not being comprehensively descriptive.
Whereas, again...the primary and utmost distinction which need be sought and seen...
...who is being served? Whose interests are being pursued?
And even if self-interest at the outset, then is there evidence that it becomes a forsaking one's life to Christ, for love of Him?...or does it just ever continue to exalt and esteem man, apart from whole dependence upon Christ?
A complete, total subjection to Christ. Period.
Not Lord merely in word, but truly in mind, heart, soul, and strength.
Loving Him above all. Because His love is all consuming.
And to experience His love, shed abroad in one's own heart...is to find self consumed.
Continually, increasingly, unto completely.
That He does, in all truth increase, and we do decrease, for those in whom His Spirit dwells.
Fruits.
I got to visit one of my churches, today, which has been nearly a year from seen. One month short a year. Praying for nearly that long, as to when, where, or if I could go back.
And it was a very humbling realization today to be confronted by the fact that a vast portion of the reason I couldn't be there was because my heart was so dark, so set against things which weren't well understood or even easily accepted...
...I was (and still am) so proud. And my pride was corruptive....corrosive...destructive. Horrid.
My pride made it impossible for love to flourish.
Being right, and being in a perceived position of understanding and "right dividing" of truth...
...and fear.
Fear of error.
Fear of falling.
Rather than just to love.
And to fellowship in Christ, in truth.
I was so wretched. And still am, in so many ways...which He's yet refining.
We must take all things with a grain of salt. That the Spirit would lead in discernment. Test all things. Even within ourselves, of our own understandings of even everything we see...
...yet bringing all things into subjection to Christ.
He is all.
Seeking Him.
Knowing Him.
These past few weeks, another thing which has been continually on the verge of consciousness is the lateness of the days in which we live. No way to know how long, but there are things going on which are enough to make anyone long for a Savior.
...and yet...pride...
I don't understand, is the thing. I don't get it.
All I know is this longing for the church to be reconciled...for the Church to walk in light of her Savior's love, in truth. That He would be glorified. That His name will no longer be mocked and His people held in reproach.
So long as we continue to bicker over semantics, though?
I heard two confessions, today. One knowingly. The other only somewhat recognized past a point.
The division is real. Sides are drawn.
One thing I heard, which...Lord, help us...is a defense of dependence upon doctrine, aside from the Bible. In terms of that systematic thinking protects against error.
Which...granted...
...that sounds really sound.
There's an inherent flaw, though. If error is blindly held, totally unawares, then only God could be so merciful as to allow realization and deliverance. Otherwise, we could think our way to salvation.
It sounds good. And is built upon good intentions. But, then, so might Israel's desire for a king have seemed, if only considered in light of the behavior of Samuel's sons...apart from the erstwhile express desire to "be like other nations, who have kings."
If our only desire were truly to avoid error, for sake of loving God and being obedient only to Him...
...that might be one thing.
...but to what extent is there a prevalent desire to have a mental mastery perceived sufficient as to go toe-to-toe, head-to-head with someone to "defend the faith," according to our ever-inherently-limited ability to even comprehend our God?
To know things is not bad. To seek to understand...is something we are also told is good and a godly pursuit. Just as wisdom to discern and act appropriately is good and ought to be desired.
...but not outside of Christ.
Which means...
...not even as an aside to faith in Him. So as to feel more secure in oneself and one's stance...as in any ways would be appropriated by a sense of understanding, knowledge, and wisdom themselves, considered independently of working knowledge of Christ, Himself, and a deep enough faith as to truth His guidance.
The line there is so fine, He alone can divide it. Mere words are too clumsy, as tainted by any bit of mortal reasoning.
Which is just the point in everything.
You could have the entire Bible memorized, including a comprehensive and exhaustive memorization of all relevant cross-referenced passages (in other words, you could superficially have an exhaustive grasp on absolutely every aspect which can be superficially grasped)...and yet still not understand, whatsoever, what it means to be in fellowship with the Holy Spirit.
An instance, slight, that stood out for me of that...was in terms of Christ's parable about building one's house on foundation. As opposed to the man who didn't. Even summed up by the saying that those who heard His words and did them were like the man who built his house on a strong foundation, whereas the other man was one who heard Christ's words but didn't do them.
I heard that parable off and on throughout much of my childhood, and understood the words, could picture the imagery. Thought it sounded like it totally made sense. But when it got to the part about the doing vs. hearing...the most I'd ever gleaned was that it must mean the "Golden Rule" and the 10 Commandments.
Which, in themselves, are part of the all...
...while completely failing to realize the impossibility of doing such things, apart from Christ. Thus being a hearer only, even having then (so many years ago) believed myself a "doer."
But no. It's much more than just that. He gives the strength, the desire, the will to do His will. Apart from that He does so, it's just...flailing about, attempted law-keeping.
Useless.
And so...just like the man in the parable...being someone who was not built upon Christ and residing under the shelter of His banner of love...
...even as He said...
...every time a "storm" came, I increasingly fell apart.
But now...with so many storms as there are...He is my rock and my salvation.
It's not a "do this, get that" equation. It's a "if this is what you're doing, this is what will result,"-moreso sorta deal, but even broader than that.
Because it's not apart from the parable of the seeds which were sown.
You know which terrain which they fell upon by the result of the seed. Not the other way around. Whereas, the only way to recognize is to be in a position of recognition, moreover.
One not apart from the other.
You can't know unless you know, sort of deal. Which is entirely recursive logic, except that it's simply the simplest way of explaining the way of it, in terms of God's actual manifest revelation of His Word.
You can compare passage all day, run courses in systematic theology from year to year, and recite Scripture by memory from beginning to end and back again...but unless God has granted sight, it's all just so much attempt at grasping God according to human understanding.
Just...all this to say...
...whatever our crutch is, except that it be wholly Christ we will remain lame...partially blind...somewhat deaf...and slightly dumb.
Which...if that weren't so often apparently the point of division in the body of Christ...
...maybe wouldn't be so big a deal.
Maybe He would have you study apologetics, church history, doctrine and heresy, orthodoxy and heterodoxy, and what all else has found places in the annals of manual history, even as "helps."
Maybe He would have you do those things. If they would draw you nearer to Him, freeing from delusions and preconceptions and prejudices and self.
But not as ends, in themselves.
There is nothing which, in itself, is wholly edifying...as apart from Christ.
For a thing to be even brought into consideration in any way alongside Him...really, in so many ways, is most likely evidence of idolatry.
Only He can show that though, completely. Because it is what's in the heart that matters, of that. And He alone, knows.
There are just so many things, right now. Still wanting to exert some sense of "knowing" and "being certain" in terms of...well...judgment calls. It's back and forth, breaking from that. Because there is the need to implore one another to strive after Christ...to strive against sin, in striving unto Him...
...and there is a place for lamenting depravity and identifying false teaching, in ways and at times.
With love as the utter foundation and impetus, always.
Just, this is something else right now. And I don't understand it. And I'm not being given understanding, except to trust and to love. To wait. And just do, as given.
And all of that is...not anywhere as difficult as it was, last year. Because I trust Him more. In proving me, He's proven Himself. In refining me, He's refined my love for Him...my trust in Him...faith.
So, it's not burdensome to find myself humbled by realization that certain of my fears, particular, were rooted in problems in my own heart, and not of the fear, itself. I was the problem. How many times has that been the case, then?...and, then, the reminder that, except for grace, it would never have changed. And it was mercy to even have been so gradually drawn out, to degrees of lessening fear and pride...then, to be given to see the prior state, humbled by realization. Realization that He's brought me through, and that I'd yet be there, except for grace.
All that much more aware of my abject need of Christ, in other words.
Doctrine can be what it is. Whether sound or false.
I'll take Christ, and that to which He leads me.
Part of that is accepting a moment-by-moment leading.
A moment-by-moment keeping and correction.
Without receiving understanding, perhaps.
Whether just for now or until the eternal.
Either way, just trusting Him.
Loving.
Continuing to seek Him.
In Scripture, through prayer, and all else.
Led by love.
...seeing a division is one thing.
...lamenting it another.
...chastising it one other, still.
But that He would reconcile...turn hearts to one another, in love.
Someday...
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