There's a freedom found in fearing the Lord which eclipses everything. Being awe-struck with terror at the realization of His complete awareness and power, of His absolute knowledge and intimate awareness of every aspect of our being, and His total control over our continued existence and that of all else--realizing everything is subject to Him and sustained by Him, realizing His power to such extent as experiencing the truth of our absolute vulnerability in context of His absolute sovereignty...
...frees from self-regard, eclipses all temptations, and drives darkness back. He does this. Pursuing knowledge of Him as to fear Him more than anything else...releases us from fear and being prey to other things. Releases us from the powers of temptations which attempt to get us to doubt, to become bitter, to question, to chart our own course, and all else of temptation, too--all is silenced by remembrance of who He is: Who God is. Who Christ is, in truth.
See our Lord in John's Revelation--in a robe stained with blood. Enacting vengeance, which is His to do. And giving warning. Warning us to return to our first love. Warning us to ask Him for our sustenance, to ask Him to refine our faith, to ask Him to give us true wealth--knowledge of Him, dependence upon Him. Warning that otherwise we will be lost and will suffer the consequences.
He loves us too much to be dishonest with us about the consequences we entreat and face unless we repent. He loves us enough to continually remind us of the truth of who He is. All of us are reminded, though--no one has an excuse, it's written: Creation displays the truth. The gospel is proclaimed night by night, written in the stars. The truth is here and everywhere else, too: He loves us enough to have ensured we are confronted with the truth of who He is and what He's done, regardless our attempts to deny reality, reject Him, and suppress truth.
He doesn't force us to accept truth, but He doesn't cease presenting the truth despite that we prefer the lie. Because He loves His creation, His creatures.
His love is an all-consuming fire, though.
Nothing remains unchanged, when entering His love. Just as fire transforms--transmutes, even--wherever and however He finds us, He does meet us there, but we are changed if indeed we have entered into loving relationship with Him.
We are altered, rather. Bit by bit. But significantly.
Truth changes us. And I still am asking for clarity regarding the way (ways) He works through His Scriptures--I've heard of people who read and are further confirmed in their denial of Him, and it was a brief pursuit which also turned me further away from Him in youth...but even that, I guess, constitutes change: Just clearly evidencing what was already present. Not as though there was no conviction of truth, but just that the preference for delusion was more steadfastly grasped and proclaimed thereafter.
He does use His Word. It's not as though there's an instance where reading His Word won't have some effect--even if it's not apparent, is all. The changes effected are not under our control. But effected just per course that's how He is and what He's intended, what He promises to do...His work.
I do tend to become wrapped up in lamentation of our (mankind's) tendency to see God's work and consider ourselves effecting it, where it comes to His Scripture, especially. And I tend to respond against the proclamation of man's ability and control by going too far unto denouncing the effective workings of God through His Scriptures: It does not sit well that so many view His Word as existing somehow apart from Him, as independently knowable--likewise viewing creation and each of us as apart from Him, distinctly able to act and think without requiring Him for each and every bit: "Doing our part,"-sort of thing, as though somehow anything we do is apart from Him. It's a duplicitousness that's partially blind, is all. But none of us see entirely clearly.
So it's His place to clarify and to open our eyes to truth. We haven't the words. But He does. And I trust Him to use them. Because of the depth of His love and goodwill toward those who are His, especial.
Knowing Him for who He is, though. That puts things in perspective. Casts down every imagination. Submitting to Him, as such...temptation does vanish. Submitting to Him, as resisting the devil...the devil flees from Him.
Just, as go those imaginations which exalt themselves against Him--without having a clear and solid hold on truth, imaginations and doubts and fears begin to take on a power all their own. Without being solidly and firmly positioned in the truth of God, rooted and grounded in Him, everything begins to seem relative to perspective. Good will begin to seem equally weighted to evil. And vice versa. Things begin to seem as though they could easily be argued reasonably from all sides when truth isn't solidly and firmly grasped.
God Himself is the point of determination. Apart from relying on Him, wholly, the truthfulness of all else can't be well gauged. Everything does seem equal apart from solid reference to truth, is all. And the truth is in Him. Departing from reliance upon Him, knowledge of Him, we can just as easily fall prey to calling good evil and evil good as did the nation of Israel. Even having His Scriptures and paying heed to the offerings required.
A matter of heart, though. We're either actively being hardened or renewed--which is it, then?
Part of being so concerned with these things has been concentric about a longing for truth in interaction. With sincere concern, with respect. Compassionate of the pain engendered.
Just...it seems so often that truth is avoided, for fear: Fearing harsh response. Fearing rejection. Fearing humiliation. Fearing vulnerability. Fearing consequences. Just...fearing. Where's the love, in that? If we can't bring ourselves to love one another enough to be honest with one another, then what sort of love do we have? And it's also heart-wrenching to have truth only be partially implied and not spoken forthrightly. Because, then, there's still uncertainty which gives place to suspicion and confusion.
That "sort" of truth provides room for all sorts of footholds for the enemy to use. So I have a difficult time considering it arisen out of love or per the Lord.
The Lord doesn't shy away from painful truths. He doesn't shy away from ones which humiliate us. Not because He doesn't care about the pain and humiliation we endure. But because He does care about our well-being. He endured humiliation, shame, public torment and mockery and rejection and shame, and the punishment due us, bearing our sins in order to make a way to bring us into truth. And He is able to sympathize with our public mortification and humiliation and shame and griefs, having endured them Himself...enduring them for us, moreover. And He's now able to sympathize with us in these matters when we're confronted with all manner of circumstances and even hard truths which inspire shame, grief, humiliation, or anything else painful to bear. He's there with us, in the midst, to guard and guide us to bear through to freedom--to bear through in submissive, loving obedience to Him which isn't ultimately swayed by circumstances. Loving truth rather than our own lives.
And it's not a trivial matter, to speak truth, either. These are some heavily emotional, grievous experiences wrought, per truth. Even suffering--but unto rejoicing, being freed from delusions. Just...because there's such potential for invoking pains, griefs, shames...we need all the more to trust Him to guide in speech. We need all the more to require Him to guide, even longing for truth. Longing to know and to speak truth, yet awaiting His guidance as to walk in love enough to be able to speak bluntly the hardest truths which no one else possesses love enough as to voice with compassion.
Fear and self-interest leave all sorts of room for dissimulation and for avoidance. But if we love one another, we'll entreat one another forthrightly and respectfully and compassionately, so not to increase shame, increase humiliation, increase the pains of being confronted with truths that are hard.
One of the teachers I used to sometimes listen to spoke of the love required to be equipped to speak truth--as with a parent who is grieved the entire time they discipline their child, grieving over the pain they know their child is enduring while driven by love of the child to discipline them, knowing it must be done in order to approach a greater purpose. Then same of being honest with one another: Driven by love. Motivated by love. Grieving the process, per love. Loving, all the while. And if imperfectly, then taking moments of faltering unto the Lord, crying out for forgiveness and for help. Because of love.
Love of Him and of others.
It grieves not to be given the gift of honesty, then. Just as it grieves not to give the gift of honesty. Not perfectly done by any of us, anyway. But to continually only have others hint at truth but never speak it, to only have what seems like attempt to insinuate truths--left entirely in the realm of plausible deniability--is a very worldly thing. And we all do it. We all do. Usually under guise of being kind to others or kind to ourselves.
Good intentions don't make something right, though.
But fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. And such wisdom will guide us in how to act rightly. Ever so much as being actively in submission to God--of fear and love--though. Waiting upon His guidance, still...is wisdom.
Monday, July 3, 2017
Saturday, July 1, 2017
Refiner's Fire
He is so gracious. In the midst of it all. I have no idea of the way forward, but through Christ is all. Impossibility on all sides, and beyond present mention regarding various of the facets confronted--not all personally effect, yet still closely regarded and impactful. By His will, then. By His grace.
The only way forward is through Christ. In Him. Period. Nothing else. No other deliverer, no other refuge, no other help. None else remains as even partial possibility. None but solidarity with Christ, Himself. Surrendering all, every moment. Every moment. In the midst of abject warfare. In the deep waters. Trusting Him, securely.
These many long months, now, of learning to work in a situation where darkness abounds: Constant requirement to defer to Him, continually, so to persist in remaining well and functional and present. This requirement becomes increasing evident, per becoming increasingly cognizant of the depths of darkness abounding. We are, none of us, exempt from such a need for abject and utter reliance on the Lord, though. None of us can afford to persist in retaining delusions of our own strength, our own ability, our own means of plotting a course, or otherwise we're ready prey to so many temptations at the outset: Pride goeth before the fall.
And yet even to remain aware of how absolute the need is for Him in all things--even to guard thoughts and our hearts from straying and to continually redirect and cleanse and restore them--is from and of and by Him. Just ask Him. That's all. Which even to ask, with any sincerity, is from and by His grace. We're otherwise blind to the need even to ask for deliverance, for His searching our hearts and minds, for His ongoing redemptive work in us. Even reading words in Scripture, we don't grasp them unless He moves--they remain dry sounds in our ears, barren scribblings to our eyes, shallow impressions upon our minds, and hollow tappings upon our heart. No matter how straightforward He's been and is in His Word, unless He gives sight and insight and impression, none of it so much as rattles the cage we're in per our persistent delusions.
But desperation is something He often uses to clarify and refine focus, it seems. Especially per afflictions from without and within--making evident He's the only solace, the only deliverer: Making truth more apparent, moreover.
It was pointed out to me tonight that Moses asked the Lord that he would help him understand Him by showing him His ways (Exodus 33:13). Not that He would continually reveal His glory, His mercy, His kindness, His love. But that He would let Moses understand Him by showing His ways. How He is. Not just who. But how He is.
And the Lord gave through Jeremiah that if we are to proclaim anything, of ourselves, that it should only be that we know God and understand Him (Jeremiah 9:24).
So knowing someone isn't just about knowing them, as a unique individual, but loving them enough to want to understand their ways--wanting to know by what manner and why they do the things they do, in addition to just being familiar with what they do. Without making light of these things, then--without discounting them as trivial, upon being revealed and recognized and somewhat understood. Rather, we may count the one thusly understood all the more precious, per grasping something of their essence--counted all the more precious, being the more understood. Understanding is a gift to be given, even as evidenced by Moses's request of God.
He seems to reveal His ways most clearly when He's preserving, sustaining, guiding, and delivering through and from afflictions and sufferings. And perhaps the more poignantly so when not delivering us out of them, but through and in the midst of suffering. Such times as when all else falls away under the absolute strain and sheer impossibility of situations, when eyes can only fix upon Him or otherwise perish--though waiting upon Him, yearning and pleading for Him to act. Yet trusting Him all the while, as doubts surface and fall away under the weight of circumstances. Expectations and false notions of understanding Him--idols, moreover--are laid to rest in the face of His actual being, His true presence. He silences doubts, then, ultimately. He thus casts down everything which is not true--casts down everything which is thus effectively opposed to Him.
So many things of torment and horror, grief and terror. Yet He reigns, nonetheless. And He has overcome. Though this world and each of us who are His yet ache and cry out for restoration, redemption, completion of His finished work. We live in Christ, though, no matter the pains.
So, we're given not merely to know Him, then...but to know His ways and understand Him. Which, given that His ways are so far above ours, is not a minor or easily grasped pursuit. All the more blessed to receive, no matter the cost. And the cost is everything. Continually: He is jealous for our affections, our attentions, our hearts and minds and strength--for our own good, though, even as unto His glory. Gladly, then, I note His jealousy. Even for the renown of His name: He leads us in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. (Psalm 23:3, Psalm 31:3, Psalm 109:21, Ezekiel 20:14, Isaiah 48:10-12, Ephesians 1:5-6)
...
As referred to tonight, the united heart may be one long-broken, tormented, and shattered by life and a variety of traumas. A prayer tonight acknowledged that He doesn't do patch work--Jesus, our Lord and God, heals. He takes the fragments, the shards, the splintered pieces of a battered heart and unites all those pieces. He mends a heart unto ability for a unified cry unto the Lord--fearing Him as a unified, whole heart. Nothing wavering. Nothing held in reserve. Nothing remaining apart. Wholly given to Him. Wholly turned toward Christ. Then, also praise arises unto Him from a whole heart. Nothing wavering.
The only way forward is through Christ. In Him. Period. Nothing else. No other deliverer, no other refuge, no other help. None else remains as even partial possibility. None but solidarity with Christ, Himself. Surrendering all, every moment. Every moment. In the midst of abject warfare. In the deep waters. Trusting Him, securely.
These many long months, now, of learning to work in a situation where darkness abounds: Constant requirement to defer to Him, continually, so to persist in remaining well and functional and present. This requirement becomes increasing evident, per becoming increasingly cognizant of the depths of darkness abounding. We are, none of us, exempt from such a need for abject and utter reliance on the Lord, though. None of us can afford to persist in retaining delusions of our own strength, our own ability, our own means of plotting a course, or otherwise we're ready prey to so many temptations at the outset: Pride goeth before the fall.
And yet even to remain aware of how absolute the need is for Him in all things--even to guard thoughts and our hearts from straying and to continually redirect and cleanse and restore them--is from and of and by Him. Just ask Him. That's all. Which even to ask, with any sincerity, is from and by His grace. We're otherwise blind to the need even to ask for deliverance, for His searching our hearts and minds, for His ongoing redemptive work in us. Even reading words in Scripture, we don't grasp them unless He moves--they remain dry sounds in our ears, barren scribblings to our eyes, shallow impressions upon our minds, and hollow tappings upon our heart. No matter how straightforward He's been and is in His Word, unless He gives sight and insight and impression, none of it so much as rattles the cage we're in per our persistent delusions.
But desperation is something He often uses to clarify and refine focus, it seems. Especially per afflictions from without and within--making evident He's the only solace, the only deliverer: Making truth more apparent, moreover.
It was pointed out to me tonight that Moses asked the Lord that he would help him understand Him by showing him His ways (Exodus 33:13). Not that He would continually reveal His glory, His mercy, His kindness, His love. But that He would let Moses understand Him by showing His ways. How He is. Not just who. But how He is.
And the Lord gave through Jeremiah that if we are to proclaim anything, of ourselves, that it should only be that we know God and understand Him (Jeremiah 9:24).
So knowing someone isn't just about knowing them, as a unique individual, but loving them enough to want to understand their ways--wanting to know by what manner and why they do the things they do, in addition to just being familiar with what they do. Without making light of these things, then--without discounting them as trivial, upon being revealed and recognized and somewhat understood. Rather, we may count the one thusly understood all the more precious, per grasping something of their essence--counted all the more precious, being the more understood. Understanding is a gift to be given, even as evidenced by Moses's request of God.
He seems to reveal His ways most clearly when He's preserving, sustaining, guiding, and delivering through and from afflictions and sufferings. And perhaps the more poignantly so when not delivering us out of them, but through and in the midst of suffering. Such times as when all else falls away under the absolute strain and sheer impossibility of situations, when eyes can only fix upon Him or otherwise perish--though waiting upon Him, yearning and pleading for Him to act. Yet trusting Him all the while, as doubts surface and fall away under the weight of circumstances. Expectations and false notions of understanding Him--idols, moreover--are laid to rest in the face of His actual being, His true presence. He silences doubts, then, ultimately. He thus casts down everything which is not true--casts down everything which is thus effectively opposed to Him.
So many things of torment and horror, grief and terror. Yet He reigns, nonetheless. And He has overcome. Though this world and each of us who are His yet ache and cry out for restoration, redemption, completion of His finished work. We live in Christ, though, no matter the pains.
So, we're given not merely to know Him, then...but to know His ways and understand Him. Which, given that His ways are so far above ours, is not a minor or easily grasped pursuit. All the more blessed to receive, no matter the cost. And the cost is everything. Continually: He is jealous for our affections, our attentions, our hearts and minds and strength--for our own good, though, even as unto His glory. Gladly, then, I note His jealousy. Even for the renown of His name: He leads us in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. (Psalm 23:3, Psalm 31:3, Psalm 109:21, Ezekiel 20:14, Isaiah 48:10-12, Ephesians 1:5-6)
Psalm 86
A Prayer of David.
1 Incline Your ear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and distressed, needy and desiring.
2 Preserve my life, for I am godly and dedicated; O my God, save Your servant, for I trust in You [leaning and believing on You, committing all and confidently looking to You, without fear or doubt].
3 Be merciful and gracious to me, O Lord, for to You do I cry all the day.
4 Make me, Your servant, to rejoice, O Lord, for to You do I lift myself up.
5 For You, O Lord, are good, and ready to forgive [our trespasses, sending them away, letting them go completely and forever]; and You are abundant in mercy and loving-kindness to all those who call upon You.
6 Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; and listen to the cry of my supplications.
7 In the day of my trouble I will call on You, for You will answer me.
8 There is none like unto You among the gods, O Lord, neither are their works like unto Yours.
9 All nations whom You have made shall come and fall down before You, O Lord; and they shall glorify Your name.
10 For You are great and work wonders! You alone are God.
11 Teach me Your way, O Lord, that I may walk and live in Your truth; direct and unite my heart [solely, reverently] to fear and honor Your name.
12 I will confess and praise You, O Lord my God, with my whole (united) heart; and I will glorify Your name forevermore.
13 For great is Your mercy and loving-kindness toward me; and You have delivered me from the depths of Sheol [from the exceeding depths of affliction].
14 O God, the proud and insolent are risen against me; a rabble of violent and ruthless men has sought and demanded my life, and they have not set You before them.
15 But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in mercy and loving-kindness and truth.
16 O turn to me and have mercy and be gracious to me; grant strength (might and inflexibility to temptation) to Your servant and save the son of Your handmaiden.
17 Show me a sign of [Your evident] goodwill and favor, that those who hate me may see it and be put to shame, because You, Lord, [will show Your approval of me when You] help and comfort me.
...
As referred to tonight, the united heart may be one long-broken, tormented, and shattered by life and a variety of traumas. A prayer tonight acknowledged that He doesn't do patch work--Jesus, our Lord and God, heals. He takes the fragments, the shards, the splintered pieces of a battered heart and unites all those pieces. He mends a heart unto ability for a unified cry unto the Lord--fearing Him as a unified, whole heart. Nothing wavering. Nothing held in reserve. Nothing remaining apart. Wholly given to Him. Wholly turned toward Christ. Then, also praise arises unto Him from a whole heart. Nothing wavering.
And just as He collects and holds the pieces, He will mend them as such. He is the master carpenter and the great physician. His work is good, though He takes His time and the process oft seems to involve a lot of sawing, carving, and sanding...or a lot of meticulous incisions, cuts, and binding. I will trust Him, though--whatever comes or goes.
Not merely casting all hopes on Him and placing all trust in Him because there's nowhere else to turn, but because I love Him and I know He's faithful and good and kind. He's shown me again and again--in big ways and small ways--that though I may not have a whit of understanding of circumstances, and though I may ofttimes find myself at wit's end with grief and despair: He is working good. Effectively. No matter the pain.
If I didn't understand that, I would still fear so many things. And I wouldn't come out of lamentation into praise, again and again, despite that circumstances haven't necessarily changed (and ofttimes even become more painful--inconceivably so).
In the midst of trying circumstances, I lose track of this all and am overwhelmed by grief and pain, sometimes: He has to draw me back to remembering who He is and how He is. But He does. So although I flail and falter continually, He is faithful to continue His work. And He is faithful to preserve and to deliver (Psalm 37:39-40...or really, just Psalm 37). Excelsior?
Not merely casting all hopes on Him and placing all trust in Him because there's nowhere else to turn, but because I love Him and I know He's faithful and good and kind. He's shown me again and again--in big ways and small ways--that though I may not have a whit of understanding of circumstances, and though I may ofttimes find myself at wit's end with grief and despair: He is working good. Effectively. No matter the pain.
If I didn't understand that, I would still fear so many things. And I wouldn't come out of lamentation into praise, again and again, despite that circumstances haven't necessarily changed (and ofttimes even become more painful--inconceivably so).
In the midst of trying circumstances, I lose track of this all and am overwhelmed by grief and pain, sometimes: He has to draw me back to remembering who He is and how He is. But He does. So although I flail and falter continually, He is faithful to continue His work. And He is faithful to preserve and to deliver (Psalm 37:39-40...or really, just Psalm 37). Excelsior?
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
Friends Go the Extra Mile (By Grace, Alone)
Three things, tonight. Jesus's friends, the Good Samaritan, and going the extra mile.
What does it mean to do something "as unto the Lord?" If He calls, foremost, for love--self-sacrificial love toward Himself and others--then what is it to do anything as done unto Him, except in this spirit. By His Spirit, then. Love.
I'm not going to presently research again the practice of Roman rule wherein soldiers (or perhaps any Roman official?) could require a person to carry their belongings, their gear moreover, for a mile. Feel free to check it out, because my recollection may be a bit hazy. But from what I recall, the practice was one not only generally extremely degrading, debasing, and oft-accompanied by mockery and torments, but it was exceedingly laborious--a heavy burden. I'm not sure how much a soldier's gear weighed, but not light at all. (Otherwise, why even bother someone else to carry it?)
Romans were permitted to require someone to carry their gear for up to a mile, per person, from what I've understood. Under such conditions as, again, perhaps entailed mockery and torment along the journey. We might contemplate Simon of Cyrene, along this, in terms of being required to carry the Lord's own burden by soldiers attending Him. Consider, though, if our foremost call is to love, then what spirit are we called to carry such burden in? And by which spirit are we called to offer and to go a second mile?
Not out of spite. Not to esteem ourselves. But further subjugating ourselves--counting another more esteemed, counting our own trials light, and calling it joy to suffer to serve: In love. With love. Out of love. Or otherwise, turned our heart is against the God who calls us to love, foremost (out of which arises obedience, even as obedience signifies love's presence).
Enduring and surrendering self-will to God's call to serve others as He has served us is our calling. He came as a servant. And by His work, we're now free to likewise serve. By His Spirit dwelling in us, we're able.
The root Hebrew word used in Genesis 2:15, translated various ways as work, cultivate, till, and so forth...is in other places written and translated "serve." Even also sometimes written as signifying slavery, being in bonds. And with particular context, particular cognate interprets as "perform acts of worship." An action of service, working, tilling, cultivating, as in bonds...worshipping.
Why not?
Our spiritual act of worship: Setting all we are before Him--every broken shard of our being, shattered bit of our heart, each aching limb--as to do the work of service, as worshipping Him.
He didn't resent nor despise nor turn away from His disciples, knowing they didn't understand Him and were intimidated by Him--sometimes outright terrified of Him. Not even knowing they'd turn their backs on Him, at various points, betraying Him with words and with actions. No, He didn't turn from them at all--never loved them any less. Instead, He called them friends. He loved them no less, knowing their fickleness and sometime duplicity.
Jesus still laid down His life for them--for us. And we have none been kind to Him, on the whole. We've all despised Him and betrayed Him and scorned Him and spurned Him and looked askance at His mercies, at His grace, at His love. But He loves us, still. No less than He ever has or will. Constant. And He bids us come to Him and lay down our burdens: take up His yoke, which is easy--for His burden is light. Meek and lowly of heart, He said. And He didn't esteem Himself. The Father has exalted Him. And He bids us come to Him. Lay down our lives and give them up to Him. Even as giving them up, as He leads, unto one another.
No matter the grief. No matter the pain: He bore it and will carry us through.
He bids us come.
So to be able to go the extra mile. And to pray blessings on our enemies--not so that they'll have brimstone rained down, but so that the warmth of stoked coals will be a blessing to warm their thoughts, their own hearts. That warmth come to mind, then to heart, may be carried home unto quiet moments alone with God--so may they carry the warmth of His love home with them to their own hearths, that He might stoke a fire unto reconciliation and redemption.
Forsaking care for self, then, we serve with great love--self set aside in compassion for the battered lives of those around us. No matter despising, no matter pain, no matter what's to come. Just to love and serve, as He bids and permits and ordains. Like as the Good Samaritan, who cast aside any thought of his own danger in approaching the wounded man. And who further cast aside care for himself by entering forbidden territory to seek the care of the one he carried. I'd heard his entering the inn compared to an Indian finding a wounded American in the "pioneering days"--casting aside care for himself and what would likely be assumed, carrying him into a saloon and begging help. Without regard for what happened to himself, on all fronts--moved wholly by compassion for the one found wounded. He, in essence, laid down his life for that man.
And said he'd return to settle accounts for anything lacking, thus ensuring a second chance at his own loss of wellbeing...per entering hostile territory, yet again.
And much the same, what would it have meant socially for a Jew to go out of his way to carry a Roman's burden twice the distance required by law, and to do so out of charity?: Much despising, at the very least. If not ostracism from those nearest him, ultimately.
To act in these ways without ulterior motive--moved only by love and compassion, though? That's of the Lord.
What is love, though, but laying down one's life for others--even moment by moment in service, in solidarity, in compassion, in prayer? Howsoever the Lord leads. No matter the circumstances. But it must be His leading, or otherwise goes amiss: Otherwise, worldly ideologies attempt to spring up in the heart and machinations may begin to hold sway--doing something to earn favor, rather than out of love of God and love of others.
That would only sow disease into the mix. Self-will cannot effect good, being inherently self-seeking.
Love does not seek its own.
To the altar, then, with hopes, with dreams, with the longings of a restless, broken heart. He wounds to heal, and His salve soothes beyond reckoning, though grief lingers still.
There's much to grieve in this world. So much to grieve, even seeing the pain of others.
And I wonder: While He grieved in the garden, what of it was for the pain to come and to be borne, and yet what of it was over all which required His work be done at all: From a pure heart, whatever arose. Full of love, abounding in mercy. Grace and peace, to us all.
What does it mean to do something "as unto the Lord?" If He calls, foremost, for love--self-sacrificial love toward Himself and others--then what is it to do anything as done unto Him, except in this spirit. By His Spirit, then. Love.
I'm not going to presently research again the practice of Roman rule wherein soldiers (or perhaps any Roman official?) could require a person to carry their belongings, their gear moreover, for a mile. Feel free to check it out, because my recollection may be a bit hazy. But from what I recall, the practice was one not only generally extremely degrading, debasing, and oft-accompanied by mockery and torments, but it was exceedingly laborious--a heavy burden. I'm not sure how much a soldier's gear weighed, but not light at all. (Otherwise, why even bother someone else to carry it?)
Romans were permitted to require someone to carry their gear for up to a mile, per person, from what I've understood. Under such conditions as, again, perhaps entailed mockery and torment along the journey. We might contemplate Simon of Cyrene, along this, in terms of being required to carry the Lord's own burden by soldiers attending Him. Consider, though, if our foremost call is to love, then what spirit are we called to carry such burden in? And by which spirit are we called to offer and to go a second mile?
Not out of spite. Not to esteem ourselves. But further subjugating ourselves--counting another more esteemed, counting our own trials light, and calling it joy to suffer to serve: In love. With love. Out of love. Or otherwise, turned our heart is against the God who calls us to love, foremost (out of which arises obedience, even as obedience signifies love's presence).
Enduring and surrendering self-will to God's call to serve others as He has served us is our calling. He came as a servant. And by His work, we're now free to likewise serve. By His Spirit dwelling in us, we're able.
The root Hebrew word used in Genesis 2:15, translated various ways as work, cultivate, till, and so forth...is in other places written and translated "serve." Even also sometimes written as signifying slavery, being in bonds. And with particular context, particular cognate interprets as "perform acts of worship." An action of service, working, tilling, cultivating, as in bonds...worshipping.
Why not?
Our spiritual act of worship: Setting all we are before Him--every broken shard of our being, shattered bit of our heart, each aching limb--as to do the work of service, as worshipping Him.
He didn't resent nor despise nor turn away from His disciples, knowing they didn't understand Him and were intimidated by Him--sometimes outright terrified of Him. Not even knowing they'd turn their backs on Him, at various points, betraying Him with words and with actions. No, He didn't turn from them at all--never loved them any less. Instead, He called them friends. He loved them no less, knowing their fickleness and sometime duplicity.
Jesus still laid down His life for them--for us. And we have none been kind to Him, on the whole. We've all despised Him and betrayed Him and scorned Him and spurned Him and looked askance at His mercies, at His grace, at His love. But He loves us, still. No less than He ever has or will. Constant. And He bids us come to Him and lay down our burdens: take up His yoke, which is easy--for His burden is light. Meek and lowly of heart, He said. And He didn't esteem Himself. The Father has exalted Him. And He bids us come to Him. Lay down our lives and give them up to Him. Even as giving them up, as He leads, unto one another.
No matter the grief. No matter the pain: He bore it and will carry us through.
He bids us come.
So to be able to go the extra mile. And to pray blessings on our enemies--not so that they'll have brimstone rained down, but so that the warmth of stoked coals will be a blessing to warm their thoughts, their own hearts. That warmth come to mind, then to heart, may be carried home unto quiet moments alone with God--so may they carry the warmth of His love home with them to their own hearths, that He might stoke a fire unto reconciliation and redemption.
Forsaking care for self, then, we serve with great love--self set aside in compassion for the battered lives of those around us. No matter despising, no matter pain, no matter what's to come. Just to love and serve, as He bids and permits and ordains. Like as the Good Samaritan, who cast aside any thought of his own danger in approaching the wounded man. And who further cast aside care for himself by entering forbidden territory to seek the care of the one he carried. I'd heard his entering the inn compared to an Indian finding a wounded American in the "pioneering days"--casting aside care for himself and what would likely be assumed, carrying him into a saloon and begging help. Without regard for what happened to himself, on all fronts--moved wholly by compassion for the one found wounded. He, in essence, laid down his life for that man.
And said he'd return to settle accounts for anything lacking, thus ensuring a second chance at his own loss of wellbeing...per entering hostile territory, yet again.
And much the same, what would it have meant socially for a Jew to go out of his way to carry a Roman's burden twice the distance required by law, and to do so out of charity?: Much despising, at the very least. If not ostracism from those nearest him, ultimately.
To act in these ways without ulterior motive--moved only by love and compassion, though? That's of the Lord.
What is love, though, but laying down one's life for others--even moment by moment in service, in solidarity, in compassion, in prayer? Howsoever the Lord leads. No matter the circumstances. But it must be His leading, or otherwise goes amiss: Otherwise, worldly ideologies attempt to spring up in the heart and machinations may begin to hold sway--doing something to earn favor, rather than out of love of God and love of others.
That would only sow disease into the mix. Self-will cannot effect good, being inherently self-seeking.
Love does not seek its own.
To the altar, then, with hopes, with dreams, with the longings of a restless, broken heart. He wounds to heal, and His salve soothes beyond reckoning, though grief lingers still.
There's much to grieve in this world. So much to grieve, even seeing the pain of others.
And I wonder: While He grieved in the garden, what of it was for the pain to come and to be borne, and yet what of it was over all which required His work be done at all: From a pure heart, whatever arose. Full of love, abounding in mercy. Grace and peace, to us all.
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
Self-Will vs. Waiting
God's Spirit and guidance are unto loving obedience--not control, shame, and the weight/guilt/burden of disapproval, unto complacent, cowed, rigid, or fearful adherence. Obedience along latter is like the servant who hid his master's money because he "knew his master to be a ruthless man who gathered where he did not sow." Not necessarily malicious obedience, but completely in that direction as not loving obedience. His obedience was driven by fear and self-interest. And there is something of contempt for his master in the way he calls him a "hard man," discounting any kindness and further undermining the master's right to gather where does not sow.
Maybe we get confused around the point of fear, as part of the problem: God is fearful in majesty and power. His strength and wisdom are perfect, unassailable and are terrifying to consider. And to know who He is sufficient to fear Him is the beginning of wisdom, of understanding, of knowledge. But it doesn't end there: His greatest commandment to us isn't that we fear Him and cower before Him, obeying. His greatest commandment is not that we submit to Him out of awe-struck terror at His power and worthiness of obedience. No.
His greatest commandment is that we love Him. With everything we are. And Jesus said everything else depends upon whether we love Him as such: all things else are built upon, rest upon the fulfillment of this commandment. So if we're not loving Him and obeying out of love, then we're not being obedient on any front, because obedience to any other law can only occur as arising out of and solidly upon obedience to any law upon which it rests and from which it derives: He isn't interested in sacrificial obedience full of obligatory concession or resentment or desire to gain His approval or engendering self-accomplishment for having attained to the "letter of the law." It's not the letter of the law which is unto obedience, but the Spirit of the law which is: Even as writing the law upon our hearts. Not merely our minds. Our minds are being transformed by His Word, by His Spirit...but it's the law written on our hearts which is His teaching unto obedience. And that is of love: Casting down idols and everything that would exalt itself against Him, loving God first and with everything.
Even as the next greatest commandment is still of love: Loving others. And it doesn't matter if we give absolutely everything we are and have to actions which benefit others, if we don't love, it's empty, lipservice.
Jesus says everything depends on those laws, though. All the law and the prophets. So, again, if everything depends on those two commandments, then without fulfilling them--no matter how conformed things might seem to the letter of the law, obedience is lacking.
And we know, according to what's written, that neither do we know our own hearts nor can we change them (except if hardening them, moreover): David asked again and again for the Lord to test his heart and thoughts and asked Him to create a new, clean heart in him. If David were capable of doing these things, himself, why ask God? Knowing he couldn't, he asked the One who can.
It's written that God Himself is the one who puts a new heart in us: Hearts of flesh for hearts of stone. Yet I find myself continually tempted back toward that same hardness, tempted to engage in the ways of the world as are unto hard-heartedness. Self-will being of the utmost of that. Even still, now, of having no idea how to bear up, still, how to bear the grief and the shame and disgrace. How to continue. And still to know things will be worse before ever better. There's such temptation to do as I used to do, to turn away from truth for the sake of living with a delusion that makes it easier to pretend wellness as not to discomfit anyone and as to have an easier time going forward. But I won't forsake the Lord. I love Him.
Yesterday, the Lord turned thoughts to Saul. Discussing my sin and wanting to turn away and do things according to what I want, according to what would be easier...because I don't see what's wrong with the plans I've presented to the Lord, of evading all matters present and going off into obscurity and abject isolation. But unto serving Him more freely, you see.
But to mind came the conversation between Samuel and Saul after Saul had for the second time seriously disobeyed the Lord by refusing to wait for Samuel to offer the offering to God. Saul felt justified in going before God's ordained time, against express direction: Samuel was supposed to be there at a particular time but wasn't, things were pretty intense in terms of time being of the essence so to move forward, and Saul apparently believed the primary matter of importance was to fulfill the external actions required by God (making sacrifice to Him) without concern about the spirit in which sacrifice in required (as heartfelt trust in and reliance upon God, outwardly evidenced per loving obedience and waiting upon Him for guidance). Saul deviated entirely from what was intended by refusing to wait on God per refusal to wait on Samuel...per taking matters into his own hands rather than trusting in and waiting upon God.
He reasoned that as long as the external actions required to "appease God" were fulfilled (this course of action evidences such ideology), it didn't overtly matter how they were completed nor by whom. He apparently reasoned that as long as he had a good reason for not waiting, it wouldn't matter if he did what he thought was best--time was of the essence, after all. He reasoned it was more important to be externally complicit than undertake difficulty of trusting and waiting in obedience. In so doing, Saul's "obedience" was unacceptable to God, come out of a heart of rebellion, stubbornness, self-will, impatience: Saul made it clear he had decided he knew better than God did what needed to be done, and he enacted that decision by fulfilling the letter of the law which God had codified as Scripture while his heart was turned so far from God that (as Samuel let him know) he then and thusly was entirely rejected as king.
Through Samuel, God called this rebellion witchcraft. And said refusing to obey is idolatry--being no different from worshipping a statue, as disobedience breaks God's Word when taking matters into our own hands, per being so self-willed as to believe we're capable of knowing right and wrong without waiting upon God's revelation of His Word, His will, His ways, Himself...His guidance. Stubbornness, in all. Arrogance. Defiant hearts. Even if offering lipservice to him--bringing offerings of praise and having his Word sharply in mind and at the ready all while engaged in worship which only superficially hearkens to His Scripture, His laws--if hearts aren't driven by love of Him and loving desire for His will no matter the cost to self, we rebel. No matter the pain, and even requiring Him to help bear up, we must wait without regard for the amount of time required for our Father to make clear the way before us. Saul failed this--he esteemed and conceded the letter of the law, but because he believed God had not acted when he was supposed to (Samuel was late, Saul needed to offer the offering and get on with business), he took matters into his own hands, which was rebellion. Saul was refused by God for refusing to submit to the ever-present call to wait upon God's direct intervention and guidance. He adhered to the letter of the law but did not wait upon God, Himself.
So Saul deviated from God's direct guidance direly--Saul deviated from seeking God's will, instead seeking his own. And not for the first time. He'd refused to obey God's direction to put to death all those at a previous site of attack, specifically all cattle and rulers. Whether Saul was telling the truth about "saving cattle to offer to Samuel's God" is very doubtful but ultimately irrelevant--Saul had already lied by saying he was going to do obey God. then doing what he thought best, instead. Saul just refused to submit his heart to God. He refused to obey, but walked in the way that seemed right and seemed best to himself--even attempting to try to weasel out of guilt by saying he had disobeyed because he wanted to honor God in another way. But a way of his own choosing, rather than God's way. That's not what God requires of us. So, Saul erred against God despite God's blessings. And with flagrant disregard of them, moreover, as having disregard for God. If we are to know God and walk with Him, we do so on His terms and not on our own terms. Period.
Saul's heart was so hardened against God that he didn't even care he'd been defiant, at the last--didn't care he was rejected by God after refusing to wait for Samuel to make the offering. His only concern was that no one know about God's decree--He didn't want to be publicly shamed and humiliated. He wanted to maintain an image. He wanted to continue to pretend things were fine. Other than that, Saul expressed no serious concerns.
And he did pretend things were fine. He was all sorts of delusional and self-deluded: All through the rest of what's spoken of Saul, there's no apparent dis-ease between himself and his people until things really get heated over David.
Well, if you don't count the fact that the entire Israeli army refused to stand against Goliath, out of fear of man...
And if you don't count the fact that the entire nation was fine with going on a rabid man-hunt for a single individual who had not ever actually erred against the king...
And whatever else along these lines. Which, really, are all signs of serious disease, socially. Politically.
Which should probably count the conspiracies and plots and the like which started to arise in the ranks, too, as Saul maintained his delusion that things were well and that "his kingdom" was his own to defend against David (including one which resulted in the slaughter of so many priests). Saul's attempt to defend the kingdom against David was an attempt to prevent against God's will, thus against God Himself, moreover. And the more clear it became that David was Israel's king, the more Saul raged against the truth. Only in brief moments of clarity regarding God's sovereign provision for himself--as wherein David had Saul's life in his hand and did not take it, did not dishonor God--did Saul have anything akin to an awakening to truth of God's present keeping and sovereignty despite his willfulness and rebellion. But Saul returned to his plotting and defiance, still. Even becoming so double-minded and delusional as to take on a disguise to seek the counsel of a necromancer, ultimately, in the guise of seeking God as attempting to speak with Samuel. Rather than actually turning to God, though superficially "turning toward God" by "seeking Samuel's counsel" Saul was effectively actually turning so much further away from Him. He was acting with utmost defiance against God and acting as though he could hide himself in the process. So deluded, so hardhearted. So blind. Though still considering himself well.
It's all like a lot of what's going on in all of us, really. In our countries, fellowships, lives. We're really unwell, at this point. We killing the unborn as though with total impunity. We institutionalize and excuse sin, likewise. We slander the innocent and are rationalize oppressing the outcast as acceptable behaviors. All of which constitutes esteeming ourselves and our plans, expecting God to bless them if in accord with His will or make them fall to pieces if they're not. We do what we do and expect Him to be okay with it, or otherwise let us know. Rather than waiting on Him to guide. We're afraid He won't lead us, it seems. Or maybe just really don't want Him to, because we know it does actually mean having to submit to Him whether we like it or not--through the fires of affliction, through the valley of the shadow of death, through persecutions and shame and torment within and without.
But we do so many things in such a way as though we believe God truly doesn't see or care.
But He does. On every count. And He's not mute and incapacitated from guiding us. He's not incapable of interacting with us and guiding us each, personally. Otherwise we'd be in a sore place.
Just, the world is wholly set against that reality--denying the truth of His direct, individual involvement allows us to rationalize not waiting upon His guidance, allows us to rationalize planning according to our own understanding, allows us to be ruler of our own lives and hearts so long as we maintain external appearance of complicity to His will as revealed in Scripture. He's so merciful, though. So merciful. He doesn't out and out destroy us for these things, whereas He would be justified in doing so. And He doesn't leave us to our own devices, either. He leads, despite them. Or none of us would be led, moreover, because we're all a work in progress.
Rather, those who are His own, He continually cleanses, chastises, and corrects. Helping to see more clearly the need to draw near to Him and rest in Him for all direction and sufficiency. Finding instruction by His Word, per His Spirit and not per our own understanding. He leads, though.
Maybe we get confused around the point of fear, as part of the problem: God is fearful in majesty and power. His strength and wisdom are perfect, unassailable and are terrifying to consider. And to know who He is sufficient to fear Him is the beginning of wisdom, of understanding, of knowledge. But it doesn't end there: His greatest commandment to us isn't that we fear Him and cower before Him, obeying. His greatest commandment is not that we submit to Him out of awe-struck terror at His power and worthiness of obedience. No.
His greatest commandment is that we love Him. With everything we are. And Jesus said everything else depends upon whether we love Him as such: all things else are built upon, rest upon the fulfillment of this commandment. So if we're not loving Him and obeying out of love, then we're not being obedient on any front, because obedience to any other law can only occur as arising out of and solidly upon obedience to any law upon which it rests and from which it derives: He isn't interested in sacrificial obedience full of obligatory concession or resentment or desire to gain His approval or engendering self-accomplishment for having attained to the "letter of the law." It's not the letter of the law which is unto obedience, but the Spirit of the law which is: Even as writing the law upon our hearts. Not merely our minds. Our minds are being transformed by His Word, by His Spirit...but it's the law written on our hearts which is His teaching unto obedience. And that is of love: Casting down idols and everything that would exalt itself against Him, loving God first and with everything.
Even as the next greatest commandment is still of love: Loving others. And it doesn't matter if we give absolutely everything we are and have to actions which benefit others, if we don't love, it's empty, lipservice.
Jesus says everything depends on those laws, though. All the law and the prophets. So, again, if everything depends on those two commandments, then without fulfilling them--no matter how conformed things might seem to the letter of the law, obedience is lacking.
And we know, according to what's written, that neither do we know our own hearts nor can we change them (except if hardening them, moreover): David asked again and again for the Lord to test his heart and thoughts and asked Him to create a new, clean heart in him. If David were capable of doing these things, himself, why ask God? Knowing he couldn't, he asked the One who can.
It's written that God Himself is the one who puts a new heart in us: Hearts of flesh for hearts of stone. Yet I find myself continually tempted back toward that same hardness, tempted to engage in the ways of the world as are unto hard-heartedness. Self-will being of the utmost of that. Even still, now, of having no idea how to bear up, still, how to bear the grief and the shame and disgrace. How to continue. And still to know things will be worse before ever better. There's such temptation to do as I used to do, to turn away from truth for the sake of living with a delusion that makes it easier to pretend wellness as not to discomfit anyone and as to have an easier time going forward. But I won't forsake the Lord. I love Him.
Yesterday, the Lord turned thoughts to Saul. Discussing my sin and wanting to turn away and do things according to what I want, according to what would be easier...because I don't see what's wrong with the plans I've presented to the Lord, of evading all matters present and going off into obscurity and abject isolation. But unto serving Him more freely, you see.
But to mind came the conversation between Samuel and Saul after Saul had for the second time seriously disobeyed the Lord by refusing to wait for Samuel to offer the offering to God. Saul felt justified in going before God's ordained time, against express direction: Samuel was supposed to be there at a particular time but wasn't, things were pretty intense in terms of time being of the essence so to move forward, and Saul apparently believed the primary matter of importance was to fulfill the external actions required by God (making sacrifice to Him) without concern about the spirit in which sacrifice in required (as heartfelt trust in and reliance upon God, outwardly evidenced per loving obedience and waiting upon Him for guidance). Saul deviated entirely from what was intended by refusing to wait on God per refusal to wait on Samuel...per taking matters into his own hands rather than trusting in and waiting upon God.
He reasoned that as long as the external actions required to "appease God" were fulfilled (this course of action evidences such ideology), it didn't overtly matter how they were completed nor by whom. He apparently reasoned that as long as he had a good reason for not waiting, it wouldn't matter if he did what he thought was best--time was of the essence, after all. He reasoned it was more important to be externally complicit than undertake difficulty of trusting and waiting in obedience. In so doing, Saul's "obedience" was unacceptable to God, come out of a heart of rebellion, stubbornness, self-will, impatience: Saul made it clear he had decided he knew better than God did what needed to be done, and he enacted that decision by fulfilling the letter of the law which God had codified as Scripture while his heart was turned so far from God that (as Samuel let him know) he then and thusly was entirely rejected as king.
Through Samuel, God called this rebellion witchcraft. And said refusing to obey is idolatry--being no different from worshipping a statue, as disobedience breaks God's Word when taking matters into our own hands, per being so self-willed as to believe we're capable of knowing right and wrong without waiting upon God's revelation of His Word, His will, His ways, Himself...His guidance. Stubbornness, in all. Arrogance. Defiant hearts. Even if offering lipservice to him--bringing offerings of praise and having his Word sharply in mind and at the ready all while engaged in worship which only superficially hearkens to His Scripture, His laws--if hearts aren't driven by love of Him and loving desire for His will no matter the cost to self, we rebel. No matter the pain, and even requiring Him to help bear up, we must wait without regard for the amount of time required for our Father to make clear the way before us. Saul failed this--he esteemed and conceded the letter of the law, but because he believed God had not acted when he was supposed to (Samuel was late, Saul needed to offer the offering and get on with business), he took matters into his own hands, which was rebellion. Saul was refused by God for refusing to submit to the ever-present call to wait upon God's direct intervention and guidance. He adhered to the letter of the law but did not wait upon God, Himself.
So Saul deviated from God's direct guidance direly--Saul deviated from seeking God's will, instead seeking his own. And not for the first time. He'd refused to obey God's direction to put to death all those at a previous site of attack, specifically all cattle and rulers. Whether Saul was telling the truth about "saving cattle to offer to Samuel's God" is very doubtful but ultimately irrelevant--Saul had already lied by saying he was going to do obey God. then doing what he thought best, instead. Saul just refused to submit his heart to God. He refused to obey, but walked in the way that seemed right and seemed best to himself--even attempting to try to weasel out of guilt by saying he had disobeyed because he wanted to honor God in another way. But a way of his own choosing, rather than God's way. That's not what God requires of us. So, Saul erred against God despite God's blessings. And with flagrant disregard of them, moreover, as having disregard for God. If we are to know God and walk with Him, we do so on His terms and not on our own terms. Period.
Saul's heart was so hardened against God that he didn't even care he'd been defiant, at the last--didn't care he was rejected by God after refusing to wait for Samuel to make the offering. His only concern was that no one know about God's decree--He didn't want to be publicly shamed and humiliated. He wanted to maintain an image. He wanted to continue to pretend things were fine. Other than that, Saul expressed no serious concerns.
And he did pretend things were fine. He was all sorts of delusional and self-deluded: All through the rest of what's spoken of Saul, there's no apparent dis-ease between himself and his people until things really get heated over David.
Well, if you don't count the fact that the entire Israeli army refused to stand against Goliath, out of fear of man...
And if you don't count the fact that the entire nation was fine with going on a rabid man-hunt for a single individual who had not ever actually erred against the king...
And whatever else along these lines. Which, really, are all signs of serious disease, socially. Politically.
Which should probably count the conspiracies and plots and the like which started to arise in the ranks, too, as Saul maintained his delusion that things were well and that "his kingdom" was his own to defend against David (including one which resulted in the slaughter of so many priests). Saul's attempt to defend the kingdom against David was an attempt to prevent against God's will, thus against God Himself, moreover. And the more clear it became that David was Israel's king, the more Saul raged against the truth. Only in brief moments of clarity regarding God's sovereign provision for himself--as wherein David had Saul's life in his hand and did not take it, did not dishonor God--did Saul have anything akin to an awakening to truth of God's present keeping and sovereignty despite his willfulness and rebellion. But Saul returned to his plotting and defiance, still. Even becoming so double-minded and delusional as to take on a disguise to seek the counsel of a necromancer, ultimately, in the guise of seeking God as attempting to speak with Samuel. Rather than actually turning to God, though superficially "turning toward God" by "seeking Samuel's counsel" Saul was effectively actually turning so much further away from Him. He was acting with utmost defiance against God and acting as though he could hide himself in the process. So deluded, so hardhearted. So blind. Though still considering himself well.
It's all like a lot of what's going on in all of us, really. In our countries, fellowships, lives. We're really unwell, at this point. We killing the unborn as though with total impunity. We institutionalize and excuse sin, likewise. We slander the innocent and are rationalize oppressing the outcast as acceptable behaviors. All of which constitutes esteeming ourselves and our plans, expecting God to bless them if in accord with His will or make them fall to pieces if they're not. We do what we do and expect Him to be okay with it, or otherwise let us know. Rather than waiting on Him to guide. We're afraid He won't lead us, it seems. Or maybe just really don't want Him to, because we know it does actually mean having to submit to Him whether we like it or not--through the fires of affliction, through the valley of the shadow of death, through persecutions and shame and torment within and without.
But we do so many things in such a way as though we believe God truly doesn't see or care.
But He does. On every count. And He's not mute and incapacitated from guiding us. He's not incapable of interacting with us and guiding us each, personally. Otherwise we'd be in a sore place.
Just, the world is wholly set against that reality--denying the truth of His direct, individual involvement allows us to rationalize not waiting upon His guidance, allows us to rationalize planning according to our own understanding, allows us to be ruler of our own lives and hearts so long as we maintain external appearance of complicity to His will as revealed in Scripture. He's so merciful, though. So merciful. He doesn't out and out destroy us for these things, whereas He would be justified in doing so. And He doesn't leave us to our own devices, either. He leads, despite them. Or none of us would be led, moreover, because we're all a work in progress.
Rather, those who are His own, He continually cleanses, chastises, and corrects. Helping to see more clearly the need to draw near to Him and rest in Him for all direction and sufficiency. Finding instruction by His Word, per His Spirit and not per our own understanding. He leads, though.
Monday, June 26, 2017
Submit to God, Choose to Remember, Seek Justice
Writing helps. Remembering the Lord openly and sharing what He's showing me, what He's revealing, what He's teaching...helps. These past couple days, there've been so many things become more clear, in terms of the parallels of modern society with what He describes of His people's straying...and of their faith. I haven't written it all down, and so much of it has come and gone in the haze that's continued. But I've been grateful for His fellowship.
He has been allowing me insight regarding delusion and hardheartedness which arises from refusing to endure grief, sorrows, hardship, suffering, and confusions--from refusing to submit them to Him and walk through, with Him beside. Instead, we choose lies instead of holding onto truth so very often. Lies unto delusion, unto hardheartedness. Lies unto bitterness. Lies, unto a lack of keen feeling. Such delusion seems less painful. Is less of a struggle to endure. Lies also allow for less disagreement between opposing views. Lies allow for avoiding disapproval. And especially when the disapproval is come from others we esteem, lies to ourselves and to others permit us to have a false sense of approval and security in the company of others: Supervisors, parents, bosses, mentors, spiritual leaders.
So not only can lies "help us escape" from pain and suffering, there's ofttimes less friction in social circumstances if we choose lies rather than submitting to truth. Because truth is unwavering. Truth is unyielding. Truth can be shared with the utmost love, but if something is truth, then it cannot compromise or otherwise it becomes something other than truth. In a world where we sinfully determine our own course--believing ourselves capable of discerning right and wrong without waiting on God's guidance--refusing to give in to the pressure to yield (especially when openly waiting on and submitting to God) especially infuriates.
Like of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They honored the Lord in their hearts and thus weren't able to bow to Nebuchadnezzar (or his statue, moreover) as god. They couldn't bow to his statue. Not out of defiance, but because of their love for and worship of the Lord.
And when they were taken before the king to answer for their lack of worship, they spoke very simply. Not out of defiance. They didn't boast that God was going to certainly deliver them out of the hand of a tyrant. They simply acknowledged that God was God, alone, and they couldn't bow to another. And they acknowledged that God was capable of saving them, while simultaneously acknowledging that He is God, alone, even if He chose not to deliver them.
In the face of death--in the face of the king so proud and haughty and domineering that he had a kingdom bowing to a statue of him as their god, at intervals--they submitted to God, honored God, and even attested they whether He saved them or not He was the only true God.
They committed themselves into God's hands, doing so--cast themselves wholly on His mercy, out of loving devotion. And I know it was loving devotion, because the Lord calls the greatest law to be that we love Him--and He has honored the devotion of these men for all time by recording this instance of their submission to Him and His deliverance.
So there wasn't a disagreement and unwillingness to yield borne out of defiance of self-assurance. These men wanted to be obedient to God. And obedience is of the heart, or it's not obedience (Isaiah 29:13): So, their refusal to worship was borne out of love, desiring God's will be done, casting all else upon God's discretion, casting themselves wholly upon His mercy and loving Him no less whether He allowed them to perish in the fire or delivered them. Yet doesn't He say He will be with us in the fire--He joins us therein, allows our bonds be disintegrated, and delivers us to a greater freedom than before.
Thinking on all this, as I'm really struggling not to be taken by bitterness, really struggling not to give in to willful forgetfulness. Uncomfortable truths are true, regardless how uncomfortable. And I'd rather rest in the Lord and suffer grief, clinging to truth, than allow comforting lies to arise in my heart. Lies don't help anyone, ultimately, but at least the Lord is faithful to forgive us when we return to Him and ask. And He will deliver those who are His, and teach us how not to do these things.
Just...He's teaching me how to go about not lying to (id est, deluding) myself in order to avoid pain, right now. Suppressing memories just because they're painful, pretending things never happened, isn't something that allows for picking and choosing what stays and what goes. And while it's been my only means of continuing to function through much life, I have the Lord to help me, now. And He has been. He's been carrying me through, as well as literally, for a week now. And still. If people had any idea the extent...
He's teaching me to be able to endure grief and unfairness and being wronged without seeking my own way or seeking to otherwise assert myself. Teaching how to trust Him in the midst, showing His faithfulness and His sufficiency. And He's showing me all the ways I'd been surviving which were damaging me and leading to damage unto others. So, although I would prefer to hide my shame and pretend it doesn't exist and hasn't happened, let alone the heartbreak and grief of loss, ever so much the pain then there's all the more reason not to hide nor repress these things because doing so is unto delusion, unto hardheartedness. Thus allowing the pain to otherwise fester, less openly, become something that offers a foothold to the enemy.
They enemy is having enough of a heyday with my grief, right now, as it is. I haven't the energy to give in to shame, and the Lord has borne my shame anyway. So, the temptation to give in and suppress memory is such an open door for the enemy. If I give into the temptation to deny truth, unto temptation to suppress or repress memory, I give room for bitterness, for anger, for resentment, for self-seeking, for pity, for all many things more to come in. I'm so grateful Jesus is so faithful and constant. He even let me lose the pack of cigarettes I had, a few hours ago. No idea what happened to them. Still not even sure they're lost. But I couldn't find them and haven't the strength of will or mind to continue searching. So that's done again before even really starting. I'm very grateful.
Just...He's faithful.
I trust Him.
Another thing about bringing light into a situation full of shadows is that those things which lurk in darkness tend to get pretty angry. Violently angry, sometimes. Like Nebuchadnezzar did. He was so infuriated that people were effectively murdered just per course of enacting the punishment he decreed upon those who dared defy him. That's pretty angry. But, again, the thing is--they weren't acting against Nebuchadnezzar in concerted defiance against him, rather their submission to God was unto inability to submit to Nebuchadnezzar. Which...effectively meant they defied Nebuchadnezzar's decree, but out of submission to God...not out of a spirit of defiance against Nebuchadnezzar. And that's vital. They submitted to God, so their actions were as unto Him. So He was the defense they sheltered under, as such.
If we're acting simply on our own merit, according to our own understanding, by our own strength, we have no defense or justification for ourselves. We can call various things to mind, but we can't ultimately defend ourselves. God is the only actual defense. Submitting to Him. And that arises simply out of the fact that He is truth, and He is just. And all justice and truth are of Him and from Him or they aren't justice, they aren't truth. No matter what anyone says or does, otherwise. Things and matters might otherwise call themselves truth and justice, but unless they arise as a matter of a heart being submitted to Him and His ways, there's deviance from God's law at the outset, thus from His ways and nature, then deviant from truth and justice too. He's the one who, in His wisdom, created these things. He is the one who orders them. And He's the one who calls their limits. Of all law, of all truth, of all justice. And He is concerned with out hearts, not merely our actions.
So, to whatever extent we've deviated from God, we've effectively deviated from truth and justice, too. And as best I can tell from what I read and from what He's revealed to me, even of myself, I don't ever have the faintest clue how far that happens to be except to note that the last time He allowed me significant insight into my sinfulness--as an overview of my "sanctified self"--I am so utterly wretched and sin-stained and marred that it's all I can do to collapse on Him in wonder that He would even entreat me, let alone love me and call me His own. Just...yeah--we don't know our own hearts. We don't know our own minds, either, though. The intentions of our hearts and our most well-intended plans all are so convoluted and twisted and influenced by all the many years of sin and deviation that we just don't have clarity at all. We just don't. He, alone, gives us bits and pieces of it, over time. Revealing, as we seek. But all the further we stray from Him, the more deluded we become. And if we choose to actively refuse to retain truth in our hearts and minds, then how deep that darkness becomes...while all the while, we're fed on our own delusions, believing our own lies.
Just, if we don't actually know where we stand--whether feasting on lies unto unknown depths of delusion or seeking truth yet still being delivered out of the delusions wrought per sin--how could we hope to defend our position?...moreover, defend it as relative to what? Whereas, we know God is perfectly just and we know He is wholly true. He is unassailable. While our positions are wholly indefensible, comparatively. And our positions are otherwise ultimately undeterminable if only viewed as relative to varied, similarly shifting others--but God's position is wholly unwavering. He is the only true defense, as such.
There has to be a fixed point from which one can build a defense, in order to defend anything, is all. Otherwise, defense is merely relative to the perspectives of others, which shift dependent upon varying interpretation or mood or relative determination of what justice even means. In situations as such, there can be no true justice. Just as there can be no truth without an absolute from which it arises, no justice can come except that there is an absolute ideal from which it is being derived and according to which it is being sought.
And this lattermost is all very piecemeal, and I still don't entirely understand it. I really didn't intend to write about justice and except for reading Isaiah and...well, there are things which are seriously unjust which are going on. But these are things I generally tend to just cast upon the Lord, entirely, because I'm so bereft of all things meaningful to the world. And all the moreso, now. But this is here for now. There's something still which is missing, regarding attempt to defend oneself apart from God. Rather than submitting to Him, and trusting Him as one's defense. Which is a very solemn path. Very solemn. Or maybe it's here, now. I'm not sure. I'm just done right now. Maybe to walk, now.
Seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God.
(Michael 6:7-8)
He has been allowing me insight regarding delusion and hardheartedness which arises from refusing to endure grief, sorrows, hardship, suffering, and confusions--from refusing to submit them to Him and walk through, with Him beside. Instead, we choose lies instead of holding onto truth so very often. Lies unto delusion, unto hardheartedness. Lies unto bitterness. Lies, unto a lack of keen feeling. Such delusion seems less painful. Is less of a struggle to endure. Lies also allow for less disagreement between opposing views. Lies allow for avoiding disapproval. And especially when the disapproval is come from others we esteem, lies to ourselves and to others permit us to have a false sense of approval and security in the company of others: Supervisors, parents, bosses, mentors, spiritual leaders.
So not only can lies "help us escape" from pain and suffering, there's ofttimes less friction in social circumstances if we choose lies rather than submitting to truth. Because truth is unwavering. Truth is unyielding. Truth can be shared with the utmost love, but if something is truth, then it cannot compromise or otherwise it becomes something other than truth. In a world where we sinfully determine our own course--believing ourselves capable of discerning right and wrong without waiting on God's guidance--refusing to give in to the pressure to yield (especially when openly waiting on and submitting to God) especially infuriates.
Like of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They honored the Lord in their hearts and thus weren't able to bow to Nebuchadnezzar (or his statue, moreover) as god. They couldn't bow to his statue. Not out of defiance, but because of their love for and worship of the Lord.
And when they were taken before the king to answer for their lack of worship, they spoke very simply. Not out of defiance. They didn't boast that God was going to certainly deliver them out of the hand of a tyrant. They simply acknowledged that God was God, alone, and they couldn't bow to another. And they acknowledged that God was capable of saving them, while simultaneously acknowledging that He is God, alone, even if He chose not to deliver them.
In the face of death--in the face of the king so proud and haughty and domineering that he had a kingdom bowing to a statue of him as their god, at intervals--they submitted to God, honored God, and even attested they whether He saved them or not He was the only true God.
They committed themselves into God's hands, doing so--cast themselves wholly on His mercy, out of loving devotion. And I know it was loving devotion, because the Lord calls the greatest law to be that we love Him--and He has honored the devotion of these men for all time by recording this instance of their submission to Him and His deliverance.
So there wasn't a disagreement and unwillingness to yield borne out of defiance of self-assurance. These men wanted to be obedient to God. And obedience is of the heart, or it's not obedience (Isaiah 29:13): So, their refusal to worship was borne out of love, desiring God's will be done, casting all else upon God's discretion, casting themselves wholly upon His mercy and loving Him no less whether He allowed them to perish in the fire or delivered them. Yet doesn't He say He will be with us in the fire--He joins us therein, allows our bonds be disintegrated, and delivers us to a greater freedom than before.
Thinking on all this, as I'm really struggling not to be taken by bitterness, really struggling not to give in to willful forgetfulness. Uncomfortable truths are true, regardless how uncomfortable. And I'd rather rest in the Lord and suffer grief, clinging to truth, than allow comforting lies to arise in my heart. Lies don't help anyone, ultimately, but at least the Lord is faithful to forgive us when we return to Him and ask. And He will deliver those who are His, and teach us how not to do these things.
Just...He's teaching me how to go about not lying to (id est, deluding) myself in order to avoid pain, right now. Suppressing memories just because they're painful, pretending things never happened, isn't something that allows for picking and choosing what stays and what goes. And while it's been my only means of continuing to function through much life, I have the Lord to help me, now. And He has been. He's been carrying me through, as well as literally, for a week now. And still. If people had any idea the extent...
He's teaching me to be able to endure grief and unfairness and being wronged without seeking my own way or seeking to otherwise assert myself. Teaching how to trust Him in the midst, showing His faithfulness and His sufficiency. And He's showing me all the ways I'd been surviving which were damaging me and leading to damage unto others. So, although I would prefer to hide my shame and pretend it doesn't exist and hasn't happened, let alone the heartbreak and grief of loss, ever so much the pain then there's all the more reason not to hide nor repress these things because doing so is unto delusion, unto hardheartedness. Thus allowing the pain to otherwise fester, less openly, become something that offers a foothold to the enemy.
They enemy is having enough of a heyday with my grief, right now, as it is. I haven't the energy to give in to shame, and the Lord has borne my shame anyway. So, the temptation to give in and suppress memory is such an open door for the enemy. If I give into the temptation to deny truth, unto temptation to suppress or repress memory, I give room for bitterness, for anger, for resentment, for self-seeking, for pity, for all many things more to come in. I'm so grateful Jesus is so faithful and constant. He even let me lose the pack of cigarettes I had, a few hours ago. No idea what happened to them. Still not even sure they're lost. But I couldn't find them and haven't the strength of will or mind to continue searching. So that's done again before even really starting. I'm very grateful.
Just...He's faithful.
I trust Him.
Another thing about bringing light into a situation full of shadows is that those things which lurk in darkness tend to get pretty angry. Violently angry, sometimes. Like Nebuchadnezzar did. He was so infuriated that people were effectively murdered just per course of enacting the punishment he decreed upon those who dared defy him. That's pretty angry. But, again, the thing is--they weren't acting against Nebuchadnezzar in concerted defiance against him, rather their submission to God was unto inability to submit to Nebuchadnezzar. Which...effectively meant they defied Nebuchadnezzar's decree, but out of submission to God...not out of a spirit of defiance against Nebuchadnezzar. And that's vital. They submitted to God, so their actions were as unto Him. So He was the defense they sheltered under, as such.
If we're acting simply on our own merit, according to our own understanding, by our own strength, we have no defense or justification for ourselves. We can call various things to mind, but we can't ultimately defend ourselves. God is the only actual defense. Submitting to Him. And that arises simply out of the fact that He is truth, and He is just. And all justice and truth are of Him and from Him or they aren't justice, they aren't truth. No matter what anyone says or does, otherwise. Things and matters might otherwise call themselves truth and justice, but unless they arise as a matter of a heart being submitted to Him and His ways, there's deviance from God's law at the outset, thus from His ways and nature, then deviant from truth and justice too. He's the one who, in His wisdom, created these things. He is the one who orders them. And He's the one who calls their limits. Of all law, of all truth, of all justice. And He is concerned with out hearts, not merely our actions.
So, to whatever extent we've deviated from God, we've effectively deviated from truth and justice, too. And as best I can tell from what I read and from what He's revealed to me, even of myself, I don't ever have the faintest clue how far that happens to be except to note that the last time He allowed me significant insight into my sinfulness--as an overview of my "sanctified self"--I am so utterly wretched and sin-stained and marred that it's all I can do to collapse on Him in wonder that He would even entreat me, let alone love me and call me His own. Just...yeah--we don't know our own hearts. We don't know our own minds, either, though. The intentions of our hearts and our most well-intended plans all are so convoluted and twisted and influenced by all the many years of sin and deviation that we just don't have clarity at all. We just don't. He, alone, gives us bits and pieces of it, over time. Revealing, as we seek. But all the further we stray from Him, the more deluded we become. And if we choose to actively refuse to retain truth in our hearts and minds, then how deep that darkness becomes...while all the while, we're fed on our own delusions, believing our own lies.
Just, if we don't actually know where we stand--whether feasting on lies unto unknown depths of delusion or seeking truth yet still being delivered out of the delusions wrought per sin--how could we hope to defend our position?...moreover, defend it as relative to what? Whereas, we know God is perfectly just and we know He is wholly true. He is unassailable. While our positions are wholly indefensible, comparatively. And our positions are otherwise ultimately undeterminable if only viewed as relative to varied, similarly shifting others--but God's position is wholly unwavering. He is the only true defense, as such.
There has to be a fixed point from which one can build a defense, in order to defend anything, is all. Otherwise, defense is merely relative to the perspectives of others, which shift dependent upon varying interpretation or mood or relative determination of what justice even means. In situations as such, there can be no true justice. Just as there can be no truth without an absolute from which it arises, no justice can come except that there is an absolute ideal from which it is being derived and according to which it is being sought.
And this lattermost is all very piecemeal, and I still don't entirely understand it. I really didn't intend to write about justice and except for reading Isaiah and...well, there are things which are seriously unjust which are going on. But these are things I generally tend to just cast upon the Lord, entirely, because I'm so bereft of all things meaningful to the world. And all the moreso, now. But this is here for now. There's something still which is missing, regarding attempt to defend oneself apart from God. Rather than submitting to Him, and trusting Him as one's defense. Which is a very solemn path. Very solemn. Or maybe it's here, now. I'm not sure. I'm just done right now. Maybe to walk, now.
Seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God.
(Michael 6:7-8)
Saturday, June 24, 2017
Psalm 37 & Safety in Surrender
Do not worry because of evildoers,
Nor be envious toward wrongdoers;
2
For they will wither quickly like the grass,
And fade like the green herb.
3
Trust [rely on and have confidence] in the Lord and do good;
Dwell in the land and feed [securely] on His faithfulness.
4
Delight yourself in the Lord,
And He will give you the desires and petitions of your heart.
5
Commit your way to the Lord;
Trust in Him also and He will do it.
6
He will make your righteousness [your pursuit of right standing with God] like the light,
And your judgment like [the shining of] the noonday [sun].
Nor be envious toward wrongdoers;
2
For they will wither quickly like the grass,
And fade like the green herb.
3
Trust [rely on and have confidence] in the Lord and do good;
Dwell in the land and feed [securely] on His faithfulness.
4
Delight yourself in the Lord,
And He will give you the desires and petitions of your heart.
5
Commit your way to the Lord;
Trust in Him also and He will do it.
6
He will make your righteousness [your pursuit of right standing with God] like the light,
And your judgment like [the shining of] the noonday [sun].
7
Be still before the Lord; wait patiently for Him and entrust yourself to Him;
Do not fret (whine, agonize) because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.
8
Cease from anger and abandon wrath;
Do not fret; it leads only to evil.
9
For those who do evil will be cut off,
But those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land.
10
For yet a little while and the wicked one will be gone [forever];
Though you look carefully where he used to be, he will not be [found].
11
But the humble will [at last] inherit the land
And will delight themselves in abundant prosperity and peace.
Be still before the Lord; wait patiently for Him and entrust yourself to Him;
Do not fret (whine, agonize) because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.
8
Cease from anger and abandon wrath;
Do not fret; it leads only to evil.
9
For those who do evil will be cut off,
But those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land.
10
For yet a little while and the wicked one will be gone [forever];
Though you look carefully where he used to be, he will not be [found].
11
But the humble will [at last] inherit the land
And will delight themselves in abundant prosperity and peace.
12
The wicked plots against the righteous
And gnashes at him with his teeth.
13
The Lord laughs at him [the wicked one—the one who oppresses the righteous],
For He sees that his day [of defeat] is coming.
14
The wicked have drawn the sword and bent their bow
To cast down the afflicted and the needy,
To slaughter those who are upright in conduct [those with personal integrity and godly character].
15
The sword [of the ungodly] will enter their own heart,
And their bow will be broken.
The wicked plots against the righteous
And gnashes at him with his teeth.
13
The Lord laughs at him [the wicked one—the one who oppresses the righteous],
For He sees that his day [of defeat] is coming.
14
The wicked have drawn the sword and bent their bow
To cast down the afflicted and the needy,
To slaughter those who are upright in conduct [those with personal integrity and godly character].
15
The sword [of the ungodly] will enter their own heart,
And their bow will be broken.
16
Better is the little of the righteous [who seek the will of God]
Than the abundance (riches) of many wicked (godless).
17
For the arms of the wicked will be broken,
But the Lord upholds and sustains the righteous [who seek Him].
18
The Lord knows the days of the blameless,
And their inheritance will continue forever.
19
They will not be ashamed in the time of evil,
And in the days of famine they will have plenty and be satisfied.
20
But the wicked (ungodly) will perish,
And the enemies of the Lord will be like the [c]glory of the pastures and like the fat of lambs [that is consumed in smoke],
They vanish—like smoke they vanish away.
21
The wicked borrows and does not pay back,
But the righteous is gracious and kind and gives.
22
For those blessed by God will [at last] inherit the land,
But those cursed by Him will be cut off.
Better is the little of the righteous [who seek the will of God]
Than the abundance (riches) of many wicked (godless).
17
For the arms of the wicked will be broken,
But the Lord upholds and sustains the righteous [who seek Him].
18
The Lord knows the days of the blameless,
And their inheritance will continue forever.
19
They will not be ashamed in the time of evil,
And in the days of famine they will have plenty and be satisfied.
20
But the wicked (ungodly) will perish,
And the enemies of the Lord will be like the [c]glory of the pastures and like the fat of lambs [that is consumed in smoke],
They vanish—like smoke they vanish away.
21
The wicked borrows and does not pay back,
But the righteous is gracious and kind and gives.
22
For those blessed by God will [at last] inherit the land,
But those cursed by Him will be cut off.
23
The steps of a [good and righteous] man are directed and established by the Lord,
And He delights in his way [and blesses his path].
24
When he falls, he will not be hurled down,
Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand and sustains him.
25
I have been young and now I am old,
Yet I have not seen the righteous (those in right standing with God) abandoned
Or his descendants pleading for bread.
26
All day long he is gracious and lends,
And his descendants are a blessing.
The steps of a [good and righteous] man are directed and established by the Lord,
And He delights in his way [and blesses his path].
24
When he falls, he will not be hurled down,
Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand and sustains him.
25
I have been young and now I am old,
Yet I have not seen the righteous (those in right standing with God) abandoned
Or his descendants pleading for bread.
26
All day long he is gracious and lends,
And his descendants are a blessing.
27
Depart from evil and do good;
And you will dwell [securely in the land] forever.
28
For the Lord delights in justice
And does not abandon His saints (faithful ones);
They are preserved forever,
But the descendants of the wicked will [in time] be cut off.
29
The righteous will inherit the land
And live in it forever.
30
The mouth of the righteous proclaims wisdom,
And his tongue speaks justice and truth.
31
The law of his God is in his heart;
Not one of his steps will slip.
32
The wicked lies in wait for the righteous
And seeks to kill him.
33
The Lord will not leave him in his hand
Or let him be condemned when he is judged.
34
Wait for and expect the Lord and keep His way,
And He will exalt you to inherit the land;
[In the end] when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.
Depart from evil and do good;
And you will dwell [securely in the land] forever.
28
For the Lord delights in justice
And does not abandon His saints (faithful ones);
They are preserved forever,
But the descendants of the wicked will [in time] be cut off.
29
The righteous will inherit the land
And live in it forever.
30
The mouth of the righteous proclaims wisdom,
And his tongue speaks justice and truth.
31
The law of his God is in his heart;
Not one of his steps will slip.
32
The wicked lies in wait for the righteous
And seeks to kill him.
33
The Lord will not leave him in his hand
Or let him be condemned when he is judged.
34
Wait for and expect the Lord and keep His way,
And He will exalt you to inherit the land;
[In the end] when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.
35
I have seen a wicked, violent man [with great power]
Spreading and flaunting himself like a cedar in its native soil,
36
Yet he passed away, and lo, he was no more;
I sought him, but he could not be found.
37
Mark the blameless man [who is spiritually complete], and behold the upright [who walks in moral integrity];
There is a [good] future for the man of peace [because a life of honor blesses one’s descendants].
38
As for transgressors, they will be completely destroyed;
The future of the wicked will be cut off.
39
But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord;
He is their refuge and stronghold in the time of trouble.
40
The Lord helps them and rescues them;
He rescues them from the wicked and saves them,
Because they take refuge in Him.
I have seen a wicked, violent man [with great power]
Spreading and flaunting himself like a cedar in its native soil,
36
Yet he passed away, and lo, he was no more;
I sought him, but he could not be found.
37
Mark the blameless man [who is spiritually complete], and behold the upright [who walks in moral integrity];
There is a [good] future for the man of peace [because a life of honor blesses one’s descendants].
38
As for transgressors, they will be completely destroyed;
The future of the wicked will be cut off.
39
But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord;
He is their refuge and stronghold in the time of trouble.
40
The Lord helps them and rescues them;
He rescues them from the wicked and saves them,
Because they take refuge in Him.
...
Blessed to spend time discussing recent events, then praying, with a sister in the Lord. One thing she remarked the Lord's recently been working in her heart has also been something He's worked on me regarding. There's the tendency to "give Him options" when requesting prayer.
But that's not the way of things. He knows what He's doing. We don't. He doesn't need us to tell Him how to do what needs doing, nor to give Him insight on what might be best suited to effect a particular desired end. As unto salvation, even.
He knows what's necessary. And she pointed out that He never goes with one of her options. Same, here. Though there've been a couple times when it's almost seemed like He had, and then other times when a longer-range view of things included particular desired ends. But not apparent from the outset, whatsoever.
Things with family have been of this, though there's still such brokenness and distance that to say it's in process is beyond me. Except that I know the Lord. And I know He's capable of all things. And no matter what a circumstance looks like, I know that He's faithful and just to answer those things as requested according to His will. Though it looks like things are utterly and horribly at an end, on all fronts--same as it has, but increasingly so for a while--I walk by faith, not by sight.
So effectively losing them, of a sort, per pursuing Christ and being called out of darkness, out of compromise with sin...has meant grief. But I trust Him. I don't have to know how He's going to work things out. But I know that the judge of all the earth will do what's right.
And in midst of that, His help and rescue from the wicked hasn't looked like what I'd want nor like what I had hoped. But rescue and help, nonetheless, and unto a greater trust in Him. Rather than continuing in ways I'd thought would be "better," but which wouldn't have required my dependence upon Christ and deepening love of Him, per relative isolation with Him.
Forsaking all else, then I realized myself in other darkness, still. Which again was delivered unto isolation--leaving behind everyone I cared for, effectively, again. But unto cleaving to the Lord as stepping out in faith, having prayed over all the matters to a point of receiving confirmation again and again.
I refused to move from family at first. I was so uncertain of what His will was, I insisted if He would have me move then for the sake of ensuring obedience I longed not to desire to move nor seek to move nor plan to move nor hope to move. Forsaking these things, in favor of submitting to Him and waiting upon Him. And He had to work surrender in my heart, unto acceptance of the circumstances. But once He did, then He moved me. Just per walking in truth and surrender--trusting and surrendering the entire situation to Him.
I resigned myself to whatever He would allot, trusting He would keep me in the midst of it all. And once I did so, once it was wholehearted, He delivered me. Trusting Him all the while, though.
Same it was for the odd place landed, next. Public proclamation that I would have Christ, no matter the cost, even if to lose absolutely everyone dear to me. Even if it meant walking away from everyone, again, for sake of honoring Him. And trusting Him, still, to direct.
And He did. And as oddness became more apparent, as His preservation of me through the midst of the strangeness being taught became less present...I cast myself on His mercy, and did leave. Though He led me to speak to a handful of people, at the going, as to discuss reason for leaving.
Deliverance is through surrender. His rescue seems to come as He's sought as the sole refuge, forsaking all else. Doing whatever He sets before us, along that while. But casting all cares and hopes and fears upon Him--embracing whatever His will may be--all the while. No help comes, apart from Him.
And help certainly hasn't looked like I've wanted it to, in terms of family. I thought rescue would come through being justified by Him, in the midst, as unto repentance and solidarity in His Spirit. Which...looking back on it, that is so self-exalting. I'm glad He didn't yield that. It would have puffed me up all sorts.
But that result is what I expected. I expected rescue to come per way of letting truth be known to be truth and no longer denied. Rather than they would continue to consider me demon-possessed, "turned against them" as no longer utterly complacent. I expected He would rescue by changing the situation per changing others, rather than taking me out of the situation and changing me.
He knows what's best, though. And, ultimately and truly, knowing Him and loving Him and submitting to Him, as we were created to do, is what's best: As unto reconciliation with right order. Unto true healing. Unto true peace, even in the midst of whatever other storms come. Even when He has to carry us over the waves, as we've not retained strength enough to hold His hand and walk beside.
Another thing discussed was distinction between religious affectations and actual service of God. As from last night's reading, even. We can pretend all sorts of things, in terms of following the letter of the law, in terms of adapting our lives to reflect what we read in Scripture. But it's the heart that is God's concern, foremost. The right actions come out of a wrong heart are still wrong. A bad tree can't produce good fruit. Just can't. No matter what it looks like.
And there's an underlying ideology inherent that approach to the Lord which is unconsciously remarking, "I'll submit to You, but I'm doing it my way--according to how I understand You intend me to do things." That's an attempt to maintain sovereign right to one's own life, heart, and understanding. It is an attempt to be co-regent of one's life, alongside Christ: Refusing to concede to His sovereignty, moreover.
We all have that in us, which is sin. We all do it. He has to deliver us out of these things, out of the sinful, fleshly tendencies to believe we know what's right, to believe we are capable of discerning right in our own strength by our own means, by testing according to our own minds and hearts. But that's dark waters--believing we can know right and wrong according to our intellect: No one knows their own heart, it's written. So, only the Lord knows our hearts and our thoughts, truly. And if we don't know the depths of the darkness within our hearts and minds, how could we expect light will arise from them apart from His active work?--how could we expect to discern right and wrong merely according to our own understanding and intentions?
That was the original temptation--to know good and evil, as to become independent of God in discerning matters. To be as Him.
Instead, we're called to wait upon Him, to seek to know who He is, to seek to understand His ways, and just to trust Him to guide in what's right and instruct in His truths/precepts/laws all the while. Through surrender, we are guided. In rest is our salvation. Producing fruit through our union with Him, His laws written on our hearts.
And then He exalts us to a position of absurd heights, but at the point of our abject surrender: As we seek His will, alone, He makes us coheirs with Christ. Which isn't ever unto seeking our own will, but loving His law and will, entirely submitted and surrendered to Him. Someday. He will complete the work He begins in us.
Unto humility, then. Abject humility.
He alone can work this out in us. Any attempt otherwise is inherently self-exalting.
But even to truly desire humility is a gift from Him: We wouldn't truly think to desire humility, let alone sincerely desire it, unless He caught our heart and thoughts on the matter.
I'm just praying for a friend who has recently expressed desire for humility.
The Lord is gentle. He is kind.
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