The only way forward is through Christ. In Him. Period. Nothing else. No other deliverer, no other refuge, no other help. None else remains as even partial possibility. None but solidarity with Christ, Himself. Surrendering all, every moment. Every moment. In the midst of abject warfare. In the deep waters. Trusting Him, securely.
These many long months, now, of learning to work in a situation where darkness abounds: Constant requirement to defer to Him, continually, so to persist in remaining well and functional and present. This requirement becomes increasing evident, per becoming increasingly cognizant of the depths of darkness abounding. We are, none of us, exempt from such a need for abject and utter reliance on the Lord, though. None of us can afford to persist in retaining delusions of our own strength, our own ability, our own means of plotting a course, or otherwise we're ready prey to so many temptations at the outset: Pride goeth before the fall.
And yet even to remain aware of how absolute the need is for Him in all things--even to guard thoughts and our hearts from straying and to continually redirect and cleanse and restore them--is from and of and by Him. Just ask Him. That's all. Which even to ask, with any sincerity, is from and by His grace. We're otherwise blind to the need even to ask for deliverance, for His searching our hearts and minds, for His ongoing redemptive work in us. Even reading words in Scripture, we don't grasp them unless He moves--they remain dry sounds in our ears, barren scribblings to our eyes, shallow impressions upon our minds, and hollow tappings upon our heart. No matter how straightforward He's been and is in His Word, unless He gives sight and insight and impression, none of it so much as rattles the cage we're in per our persistent delusions.
But desperation is something He often uses to clarify and refine focus, it seems. Especially per afflictions from without and within--making evident He's the only solace, the only deliverer: Making truth more apparent, moreover.
It was pointed out to me tonight that Moses asked the Lord that he would help him understand Him by showing him His ways (Exodus 33:13). Not that He would continually reveal His glory, His mercy, His kindness, His love. But that He would let Moses understand Him by showing His ways. How He is. Not just who. But how He is.
And the Lord gave through Jeremiah that if we are to proclaim anything, of ourselves, that it should only be that we know God and understand Him (Jeremiah 9:24).
So knowing someone isn't just about knowing them, as a unique individual, but loving them enough to want to understand their ways--wanting to know by what manner and why they do the things they do, in addition to just being familiar with what they do. Without making light of these things, then--without discounting them as trivial, upon being revealed and recognized and somewhat understood. Rather, we may count the one thusly understood all the more precious, per grasping something of their essence--counted all the more precious, being the more understood. Understanding is a gift to be given, even as evidenced by Moses's request of God.
He seems to reveal His ways most clearly when He's preserving, sustaining, guiding, and delivering through and from afflictions and sufferings. And perhaps the more poignantly so when not delivering us out of them, but through and in the midst of suffering. Such times as when all else falls away under the absolute strain and sheer impossibility of situations, when eyes can only fix upon Him or otherwise perish--though waiting upon Him, yearning and pleading for Him to act. Yet trusting Him all the while, as doubts surface and fall away under the weight of circumstances. Expectations and false notions of understanding Him--idols, moreover--are laid to rest in the face of His actual being, His true presence. He silences doubts, then, ultimately. He thus casts down everything which is not true--casts down everything which is thus effectively opposed to Him.
So many things of torment and horror, grief and terror. Yet He reigns, nonetheless. And He has overcome. Though this world and each of us who are His yet ache and cry out for restoration, redemption, completion of His finished work. We live in Christ, though, no matter the pains.
So, we're given not merely to know Him, then...but to know His ways and understand Him. Which, given that His ways are so far above ours, is not a minor or easily grasped pursuit. All the more blessed to receive, no matter the cost. And the cost is everything. Continually: He is jealous for our affections, our attentions, our hearts and minds and strength--for our own good, though, even as unto His glory. Gladly, then, I note His jealousy. Even for the renown of His name: He leads us in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. (Psalm 23:3, Psalm 31:3, Psalm 109:21, Ezekiel 20:14, Isaiah 48:10-12, Ephesians 1:5-6)
Psalm 86
A Prayer of David.
1 Incline Your ear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and distressed, needy and desiring.
2 Preserve my life, for I am godly and dedicated; O my God, save Your servant, for I trust in You [leaning and believing on You, committing all and confidently looking to You, without fear or doubt].
3 Be merciful and gracious to me, O Lord, for to You do I cry all the day.
4 Make me, Your servant, to rejoice, O Lord, for to You do I lift myself up.
5 For You, O Lord, are good, and ready to forgive [our trespasses, sending them away, letting them go completely and forever]; and You are abundant in mercy and loving-kindness to all those who call upon You.
6 Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; and listen to the cry of my supplications.
7 In the day of my trouble I will call on You, for You will answer me.
8 There is none like unto You among the gods, O Lord, neither are their works like unto Yours.
9 All nations whom You have made shall come and fall down before You, O Lord; and they shall glorify Your name.
10 For You are great and work wonders! You alone are God.
11 Teach me Your way, O Lord, that I may walk and live in Your truth; direct and unite my heart [solely, reverently] to fear and honor Your name.
12 I will confess and praise You, O Lord my God, with my whole (united) heart; and I will glorify Your name forevermore.
13 For great is Your mercy and loving-kindness toward me; and You have delivered me from the depths of Sheol [from the exceeding depths of affliction].
14 O God, the proud and insolent are risen against me; a rabble of violent and ruthless men has sought and demanded my life, and they have not set You before them.
15 But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in mercy and loving-kindness and truth.
16 O turn to me and have mercy and be gracious to me; grant strength (might and inflexibility to temptation) to Your servant and save the son of Your handmaiden.
17 Show me a sign of [Your evident] goodwill and favor, that those who hate me may see it and be put to shame, because You, Lord, [will show Your approval of me when You] help and comfort me.
...
As referred to tonight, the united heart may be one long-broken, tormented, and shattered by life and a variety of traumas. A prayer tonight acknowledged that He doesn't do patch work--Jesus, our Lord and God, heals. He takes the fragments, the shards, the splintered pieces of a battered heart and unites all those pieces. He mends a heart unto ability for a unified cry unto the Lord--fearing Him as a unified, whole heart. Nothing wavering. Nothing held in reserve. Nothing remaining apart. Wholly given to Him. Wholly turned toward Christ. Then, also praise arises unto Him from a whole heart. Nothing wavering.
And just as He collects and holds the pieces, He will mend them as such. He is the master carpenter and the great physician. His work is good, though He takes His time and the process oft seems to involve a lot of sawing, carving, and sanding...or a lot of meticulous incisions, cuts, and binding. I will trust Him, though--whatever comes or goes.
Not merely casting all hopes on Him and placing all trust in Him because there's nowhere else to turn, but because I love Him and I know He's faithful and good and kind. He's shown me again and again--in big ways and small ways--that though I may not have a whit of understanding of circumstances, and though I may ofttimes find myself at wit's end with grief and despair: He is working good. Effectively. No matter the pain.
If I didn't understand that, I would still fear so many things. And I wouldn't come out of lamentation into praise, again and again, despite that circumstances haven't necessarily changed (and ofttimes even become more painful--inconceivably so).
In the midst of trying circumstances, I lose track of this all and am overwhelmed by grief and pain, sometimes: He has to draw me back to remembering who He is and how He is. But He does. So although I flail and falter continually, He is faithful to continue His work. And He is faithful to preserve and to deliver (Psalm 37:39-40...or really, just Psalm 37). Excelsior?
Not merely casting all hopes on Him and placing all trust in Him because there's nowhere else to turn, but because I love Him and I know He's faithful and good and kind. He's shown me again and again--in big ways and small ways--that though I may not have a whit of understanding of circumstances, and though I may ofttimes find myself at wit's end with grief and despair: He is working good. Effectively. No matter the pain.
If I didn't understand that, I would still fear so many things. And I wouldn't come out of lamentation into praise, again and again, despite that circumstances haven't necessarily changed (and ofttimes even become more painful--inconceivably so).
In the midst of trying circumstances, I lose track of this all and am overwhelmed by grief and pain, sometimes: He has to draw me back to remembering who He is and how He is. But He does. So although I flail and falter continually, He is faithful to continue His work. And He is faithful to preserve and to deliver (Psalm 37:39-40...or really, just Psalm 37). Excelsior?
No comments:
Post a Comment