Honest Conversations

All so strange. The Lord was really gracious during conversation with someone seeking, earlier--regarding truth. I can’t rely on myself, on my own mind, on uniformity of logic to be present and consistently maintained in a way which signifies truth of what’s going on in the world and within us each, as relates to God's truth/s and nature/being, during conversation...and from conversation to conversation, especially. So I can, do, and must rely on Him to guide speech and thought.

And He does. I don’t perfectly heed Him, but when consciously longing after His guidance, longing after Him…He makes the way plain, even of speech. And although I’m regularly too distracted by so many worldly and selfish things to possess clarity for discerning His guidance...still, He leads. He’s the strong one in this relationship. Otherwise, I'd have been shipwrecked so many times over. 

Because if it were up to me to find my way and maintain a steadfast course, rather than up to Him to lead me and preserve me…I’d always be lost and would perpetually have remained astray.

He made something clear to me today, which had never been clear before, though--over course of particular conversation. The idea of us being good, but just making bad choices--it's inherently self-contradictory. And being inherently self-contradictory, that effectively signifies inherent knowledge that there's a condition of goodness from which we have departed. As unto making "bad choices"--unto doing evil, moreover. 

C.S. Lewis has a really well presented argument of this lattermost point in the beginnings of Mere Christianity, I think it was. About our intended nature (pre-fall) being implied per the human realization that there's a right way of doing things and a wrong way of doing them--especially implied per our continual recognition that we consistently fail to measure up. We're aware of what we should be, and that awareness is made evident when we lament or denounce or rationalize that "no one's perfect." And we condemn ourselves by acknowledging that we're aware we don't measure up to what we should be, even acknowledging our deviance. Lewis made the point that no other creature goes against its nature in the way we do. And I'm not sure I'm presenting this particularly well. Just...something of knowing what we should do, yet not doing it. 

There's a duplicity to us, as such. We see what we ought to be, but at the same time, we see that we aren't that. But instead of seeking to be reconciled to what we should be, we tend instead to further rationalize what we are instead.

Like as, I have wanted to believe we’re good. I’ve spent a good deal of my life attempting to convince myself of humanity’s innate, inherent goodness...as it presently exists. But our fallen nature isn’t good. We aren’t good. If we were good, we wouldn’t do evil–the greatest of which is to turn away from God, though anything which is against or departed from conformity to His nature is still...become evil, for having departed from goodness. He is perfect in His goodness, love, and kindness, is the thing. So turning away from Him and turning away from conformity to His nature is turning away from these modes of being, effectively--regardless what our self-given rationalizations are, regardless our "intentions," we err ever per attempt to convince ourselves it's reasonable or trivial to turn away from Him and attempt our own course, our own plans, our own designs. Departing from Him is departing from goodness, except that He may restrain despite us (again--He's the strong one in this relationship: Creator>creation). Even more deeply lamenting the crimes we commit against one another, versus lamenting to greater extent the crimes we commit against Him by turning from Him?--further exemplification of how grievously we’ve turned against Him, evidencing clearly that we regard ourselves and even one another much more highly than we regard Him. But there are so many ways to justify that sort of approach to life--but…no, no matter how "rational," it's still a lie to esteem ourselves rather than God.

So, just no.

We lie to ourselves in so many ways, is all. All of us do. To be capable of turning away from God, we’ve chosen a lie over the truth: We’ve chosen to rationalize anything being superior and more desirable than remaining in right relationship with Him, which constitutes lying to ourselves. And He lets us have these delusions which we choose. He allows us freedom to choose what we would prefer to have, and we all choose evil--we all choose to depart from doing good, loving Him and loving others more than ourselves. 

Except that He restrains so much, still--as a mercy to everyone--we’d be utterly destroyed by the outworking of such wickedness: We’d destroy ourselves and one another even more rapidly and violently than is the case, already. Only by His grace unto us is any one of us restrained from going to utmost depths of darkness and malice and wretchedness as we're capable--this is not a result of inherent goodness, self-maintained. But ordained by Him. That none of us could boast in ourselves. Because if we were the originators of our "goodness," on any front--we would boast in ourselves and would have somewhat cause to do so. But we have no right to boast in our works or our goodness. Whatever we have, we have by grace. And the whole of it is too vast for brief consideration. 

All the ways He has ordered and designed and maintained and decreed things is beyond human reckoning. Nonetheless, He invites us all to strive to understand Him and know Him, regardless our inherent limitations: Accepting, all along the while--He is beyond our reckoning. We cannot question Him as judging Him: He allows and bids us to ask Him about Himself and about His ways, but we aren’t in position to look askance at His ways, nor at what He allows or allots. Although He again and again wants open discussion and bids us be honest with Him of how we feel--and He does respond--still, ultimately, He reminds us of truth.

He bids us come to the conversation, reason with Him, though: Even despairing, even lamenting, even–as Jonah did–resenting His ways, even–as Job did–grieving His ways…then, still we are to come to Him, reason with Him. He is the heart-changer. He is the one who has overcome.

He is God and He is Master….Lord of all.

Whether we like it or not.

And He bids us come.