This is such an interesting concept: we know that all will be made new, including our own wills (entirely sanctified, I mean)--sin will not always be allowed reign on earth, and we will not always endure temptation. The world will be restored, remade.
We long for the completion of our sanctification--long for the return of Christ, for His reign to be fully effected in all spheres, as all will be brought into rightful and total subjection to His good, holy nature. Yet we wait for this, while even all of creation groans in anticipation and longing for that full revelation of God's work.
I've heard reference to our life of tension in the here-and-now, as "the already and not-yet" circumstance of reconciliation: All will be reconciled to God through His Son (Himself, God), Jesus Christ. All things and peoples will be brought into total subjection to His will and ways. We will be fully transformed into the image of our blessed, glorious Lord and Master, our Redeemer and Friend.
When we enter His presence, fully. And all will be resurrected bodily, someday--He has said all will hear His voice and be raised.
Some to judgment and eternal perdition. Some to eternal glorification.
But we're not quite there yet, in full.
So that tension within us--the yearning for God's work to be perfected in us and in all creation (alongside the grief over sin and that He is not being honored as He ought--both in our own hearts and those of others)--is one of many which requires God's guidance to walk in without erring.
Sometimes there is error on the side of giving over to the longing for more to have been effected than is the case: over-realization occurs when our desires for another time distort our perception of what is actual. We know He will return, and longing for that there can be a slip into projecting what we long for onto the world around us and convoluting our understanding of our own state of being, wrongly.
I wonder along these lines, thinking on recent matters, in terms of what it is for single men and women to interact closely: The case may be that others have liberties which I don't--I'm very emotional, and it takes next to nothing for me to become emotionally attached (i.e., develop personally significant emotional intimacy) with men who are single and who seem viable potential partners. My heart is maybe just not guarded enough? If I interact openly, there's emotional investment, whereas other women don't seem to be as effected as I am by that sort of interaction with single brothers. Which just leaves me wondering: Where is the right line--the appropriate and God-honoring line--when it comes to interactions with my brothers?
In the past (more specifically: three weeks ago), it has become apparent I've erred drastically by thinking and sharing whatsoever openly of myself--experiences, thoughts, and the fringes of innermost desires--with a brother. I assumed it was okay, since parts of it were reciprocal, to some extent, and since it was welcomed. But for me, at least, that fostered a deep sense of connection, of intimacy--to share and be received and known broadly. And to take part in ministry alongside that all, especially fostered a sense of connectedness, though for others it sounds as though the very same things would have been nothing much. But for me, it was significant, I now realize. For me, it was fulfilling a role which I would want to alongside my husband--facilitating hospitality on many fronts, facilitating worship, supportively. Small things for others, which seem not to impact. But, I realize too late, not small for me.
I just don't know how to become close in thought and exchange with an unmarried man, without seeing him as a potential mate. And I don't know how to disengage desire for serving as a helpmeet in marriage from a situation which is one I long to encounter in marriage--especially when instigated by someone unmarried, singling me out because of recognition of my affinity for hospitality. It's so difficult to understand what is intended when words and actions do not agree, and I hope maybe now that the Lord has allowed me to experience both sides of that within His shepherding...hopefully He will allow me to recognize when there is discord, the situation as a whole is disjointed.
So, I am struggling with these things--struggling to understand according to what would honor the Lord, going forward, in how to better guard my heart and how to honor Him and my brothers by hearing more than only either just what they say or just what they do. Instead, to submit it all to the Lord continually, as always needs to be the case regardless.
But what is it, to be significantly emotionally intimate with someone who is not a spouse? I have erred on that front now, and it's shameful to even openly acknowledge, I know. But we're so desensitized to this as a people that the very idea of this would be mocked even by many Christians, quite possibly.
Natural brothers and sisters don't necessarily share intimately with one another. Sisters, yes. Maybe brothers do--I don't know. But...I don't know--I have been told, at least, that it's not that way with natural-born brothers and sisters: there's a strong love, yes, but they aren't in one another's pockets, so to speak. They may know of one another, but I don't think there's a poring over all of life with one another.
There's love, but at arm's length. Or, as an overview of how one of my friends has put it--the guys do their thing, while we do ours.
In heaven, there will be no marrying and giving in marriage, Jesus said. So, the tensions on this earth will not exist. But to pretend they're absent now, to act as though they're absent now, would be foolhardy. Current consideration is of whether and to what degree such matters and claims that interactions had ought to be of a certain caliber or depth or nature--between unmarried men and women, now--represent an over-realized eschatological perspective on these tensions.
Particular difficulty surrounds specific traumas--not knowing the extent to which foundational influences still skew experience and interpretation.
All in all, I've sinned again--wanting what is not mine, rather than submitting to the Lord wholly. Interpreting according to my own hopes, rather than submitting all to God and seeking His guidance alone. Godly love...I need and want to learn, and yet my heart is froward. I need His help.
So all I know to do in the meantime of waiting, while grieving having failed Him and others, is to pray and institute what distance will allow me to return to God in heart and mind, to sin no more on this count at least. In as much as possible. I don't know what else to do.
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