Everywhere the Lord grants insight, somehow there continues to be amazement at how disparate from the world His ways are...
These things, of general relationships, now.
I am going to pray for grace regarding how to convey this in a way which is both wholly lucid yet entirely appropriate. There are some matters which...even to speak of is not appropriate, in general.
I grow increasingly aware of that reality, and wholly by grace. I have erred on such a count before in places and ways, even earlier this week though differently inclined, but I will trust the Lord with all this.
At issue is formative influence and sin's flourishing.
Truly, we who are in Christ had ought to all be as brothers and sisters, wholly so. Nothing of the world ought to influence that, askew.
For myself, dire experiences became compounded with fairy tales and romance novels, plus other madness akin, such that distortions of romance have remained significantly forefront in all my heart and mind (utterly convoluted), since the age of three.
What was "understood" of such matters, wordlessly?: Immediate affinity. A spark, and then conflagration. In the midst of all which, "No," means nothing.
Sure, there may have been a significant expanse of time communicated within a tale, but the ultimate personal expenditure in following along amounted to a few hours' emotional surfeit, culminating in capitulation unto the satisfaction of all hopes, and then my return to the rest of the dreary, hostile world. So much of what was portrayed presented love as rooted in self-seeking and self-empowerment, worth any price for gratification.
No.
We are the Lord's. All of us. We are not mere objects, whatsoever. The image of God is on us all, and that's to be honored.
I fail at all this. I've lived life through the lens of worldly ideals and notions. God, alone, can deliver. I barely even recognize the root of these matters, still, except that He's been so kind. To long for it to be far from me.
Letting go of it all then, once again. Clinging to a hope for marriage and children won't deliver them to me. Clinging to a hope for a godly man to love me--one whom I'd possibly consider submitting to as wife. Which is not something whatsoever remotely commonly encountered: such possibility seemingly impossible ultimately, due to the specific strictures of my desires toward Christ. There is one who maybe could be a possibility, and I'll see him tomorrow. Still impossible, I'm sure.
But to even think such a thing about a brother is really wrong-minded, I believe, as so absolutely premature and even outside the realm of real sisterly love, I think...because he is my brother in Christ. And, so I am finding that I do actually want my affections to be purer, to be honorable, to be holy. Because the Lord deserves glory through all my interactions. And because the loving thing to do is to honor God's will and glorify Him, in all ways. I long to do so. I want my heart toward my brother to be truly honorable. (This is such a confusing thing, still...I am pursuing understanding of these things which are so new.)
So, in the light of that, I see increasingly how all the rest of this is so dark. So wrong.
The world's ideas of love are wholly wrong. Fundamentally altered from God's intent, from glorifying Him to glorifying self and our desires. Love doesn't seek its own.
These things, though...do we lay down our lives for one another? No expectations. No demands. No desires. Just to love God and through that, love one another--and not as the world loves.
I just...I am not even remotely going to be able to convey the breadth of this, right now. I am free, though. To a greater degree than yesterday. To a far greater degree than last week. To an incomprehensibly greater degree than on this day, last year. The Lord continues to liberate me from sin and even the resultant devastation in heart and mind. He redeemed and He is restoring, increasingly--ever since His initial, miraculous deliverance into Life, seven years ago.
This has been such a interesting Way. I will continue to press on.
Jesus delivers. He is God. There is wrath for sin, as there should be because it’s evil. For God is good. And He created us all, and He sustains us all. We're utterly dependent upon and beholden to Him. Undeniably and inescapably. No rescuing devices can oust truth, no matter what sinful man attempts. We build ourselves up to try to deny His preeminence and His absolute sovereignty, wanting to be like Him, to take on His power and prerogative as though merely a mantle that could be donned. We cannot be what we are not. What we were not created to be. Instead, we heap condemnation upon ourselves, trying to deny His reign.
We're utterly subject to Him. He deserves total obedience, quite frankly. Anything short of that warrants absolute, infinite punishment, in order that the punishment would fit the crime. Eternal perdition would be the least we ought to suffer, for justice to be satisfied.
Yet...God the Son, in His incomprehensible mercy added to Himself human flesh. He made Himself to be a kin of ours. And He satisfied perfect obedience as a man. So that He could then offer Himself in our place, to take on our punishment and satisfy God's holy, righteous, just wrath (even being His own wrath, though in the flesh)...Himself taking on that punishment. Being God, He was able to satisfy that debt and make amends where travesty had wholly severed relation.
He entered death. And overcame. Having already triumphed over sin, in the flesh. He resurrected, having the power to do so. And He commands us to repent: turn from our rebellion, our rebellious self-serving acts, and return to Him, pleading mercy. And justice has been satisfied in Jesus Christ, and mercy He now extends to all who will come to Him, believing and knowing He is able.
He delivers. And continues to deliver. That He will be glorified even through redeeming and sanctifying for Himself a people.
No comments:
Post a Comment