Such heavy thoughts again, lately: Recognizing the reality of God's sovereignty, in the midst of human suffering and wretchedness, still.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a clearer view of the reality of His actual majesty? That sin would be more clearly seen for the abject horror it is?...selfishness would be cast into utter darkness as inconceivably depraved and wicked, contrasted against the weight of His glory and worthiness of absolute devotion.
I am ever grateful to see and hear the answers to prayer, in the midst of all which is going on. Which reminds me, there's a book which probably ought to be read in short order (like, this weekend). Probably not going to happen, unless He bends time. Which that would be such an arbitrary use for...
Weren't there three times when He bent time? With Joshua's battle. Then, as a sign which one of the kings chose, and then He also did that without providing a choice as a sign to Hezekiah (just read this last either this morning or yesterday morning). I only ever hear about the two times, though.
Not going any further with that rabbit trail right now.
I've been reflecting somewhat on my first visit to the church I'm about to join. I was so overwhelmed at the prospect of entering fellowship, knew myself so unworthy to walk amongst true, ardent followers of Christ. I don't remember exactly but think the issue at-hand was not having read all the New Testament, so I think I was trying to finish before entering. Reading at least one of the epistles of Peter in the parking lot before going in that first time, I felt absolutely false for not having read the whole of God's Word before daring to walk with other Christians--that seemed such an indication of my lack of discipline and lack of serious devotion to God, to have not completed reading all His Word. That day I also memorized the name and order of the books of the Old Testament before entering...because it seemed absolutely shameful not to even know them all, let alone have read them all, before.
I was so ashamed of those things which I had not done. Things which evidenced so clearly my lack of devotion to a truly disciplined pursuit of, moreover an ardent love of, God.
I felt so convicted for my laxity, for my slackness, for my laziness, for my lack of love.
Love does drive pursuit. Love fosters zeal. Even as holy reverence, awestruck fear, constrains sin.
And I was so convicted of these matters. What would it be to really be aware, more continually, of the reality of God's omniscient gaze ever-regarding the thoughts of our heart, the tenor of our speech, the manner of our humor, the inspiration of our actions? He does see, and He knows quite fully.
Why don't we regard this more fervently?
Constrained by the love of Christ, and even aware of God's preeminence and omnipotence, His absolute righteousness and justice...what would it be to walk more completely and wholeheartedly in light of these matters?
Had I not been so focused on the holiness of the people, to the ultimate compromise of focus on the holiness of God, things may have gone differently before. But He's restored me, having dealt with me, graciously.
So I long for that nearness to Him, for all of us. There is no higher calling than to know and love God, to walk with Him who made us and loved us, giving Himself up for us.
In times of darkness and distraction and being overwhelmed and despised and tormented, our God will be with us. We should know Him now, then, that we will be content to rely upon Him fully when our strength is more fully shown to be exhausted. The sooner we come to the end of what we believe is our own strength, the more quickly we may walk in His. If He tarries, perhaps we will come to be cast upon Him fully, for all provision.
Regardless, He does provide. In poverty or excess, Christ Himself will be our sufficiency, and we will do all things through Him, to do them well at all. And then, too, our works will be tested by fire, and only what God has wrought in and through us will stand--all else will be consumed utterly, though yet we be saved, even as through fire.
All will be salted with fire.
I so grateful to know He is the One who makes straight the way before us. Even as He is that Way. Our God is good, and He is faithful. Our God, the consuming fire.
And oh, what a terror it is, to fall into the hands of a Living God. He will prevail. All power belongs to Him. Rest doubly assured, it is so.
Psalm 62
My Soul Waits for God Alone
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