Walking Faith

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
Psalm 46:10

Everything has continued to be rather strained. Much prayer, and a momentary breakthrough last night. Only momentary, but enough to recall as a source of strength, now.

The Lord is so good, that way.

Walking by faith is strange, in this world. Everything around us demands attention, demands focus, demands honor. Everything around us demands priority. To such an extent, without the help of the Lord, it all would take full focus. And still may tend toward that, except for diligent seeking of Christ.

Year before last saw a break, on that front, in ways. Prior to salvation, there'd been a struggle regarding a conscious divide which was continually "walked" regarding metaphysical and physical reality. Experience had proven the validity and import of the former, but there's an odd strain in attempting to "reconcile" what seem disparate realities. But they're not. They're not disjoined.

There's not even an overlay, really.

They exist in the same time and space, even as one apparently exceeds the other.



Otherwise, there'd be nothing beyond what we see. Yet, we know there's more to life than meets the eye. We know there are emotions, there are feelings, there are hopes, dreams, desires, and plans--none of which are wholly restrained to the physical, although there can be a "mapping" of sorts, given MRI brain-scans and tests for particular neurochemistry.

But there's still a duality, there. Still.

There may come the day when scientific research goes public about the ability to electronically map thoughts in such a way as to present a readout which translates those thoughts into language, color, form, and intent. For now, the most I've seen is the ability to determine the region in the brain which is active given particular emotions or thought processes or actions.

There's something more to the process than mere electronic impulses, is all. There's life.

And while we do indeed have the ability to mimic life--we create according to a pattern, not ex nihilo. 

Yet there is a point beyond which the "nothing" must be confronted.

And if it were ever once active, isn't it still?

I know it is, despite that people are more apt nowadays to discount what is readily termed anecdotal, rather than then to investigate on their own. It's easy to listen to something which seems incredible and toss it out from further consideration, for being incapable of accommodating it within the paradigm of one's then-present conception of reality. Rather than to sincerely investigate.

So many stories, all over the place, about people who say they've investigated and found nothing. Has investigation always primarily been a second-hand account, though?--taking everything into consideration within confinement of other predominant assumptions within one's life?

If you say it's not possible to discard or disband of assumptions for the sake of experiential research, then how sound could even science be...operating according to "established" assumptions?...what happens if someone then goes forth in a way that ignores prevalent assumptions? New discoveries?

That's a dilemma at the core of any attempted research. If confirmation bias truly does hold sway over all or much of what we do, then it's no less so even in the most rigorous research...and assumptions will be just that: assumptions, largely unconscious, thus unaddressed.

As all the other from year before last goes, I'd been operating under the assumption for years that there was absolutely no way to reconcile simultaneous acknowledgment of the validity and import of both the visible and invisible forces at work, in life. Despite that, obviously, regardless of that conscious acknowledgement, the invisible had not ceased to exert its apparent sway upon life...say, even regarding the force of gravity, and of entropy of systems (I had neither flown from the face of the planet nor ceased aging, just perforce having failed to maintain conscious regard for those processes). Same, of the other, thus far undefined forces which science has yet to wrap its mind around.

Same as with God.

He is no less God for being refuted, ignored, denied, or despised. And He's no easier to approach, according to self-defined paths, regardless of desire or intent...outside of Christ, God is as remote as any furthermost ideas which humanity has managed to conceive existent truth, which yet dwell beyond the realm of visible manipulation.

He is no more or less real for being beyond our ability to touch Him. He is no more or less real for being beyond the scope of our defined reality. He is. Simply. Purely. Holy.

Apart and yet inherent of all. But not objectively so. He's sovereign of all, and the Creator of all which is or was or will ever be, and everything subsists in Him.

We can know that, even if we don't necessarily see it according to scientific standards. We can know it according to logical deduction (I'm not the one to argue logical proofs on that count, honestly), even as we can know that we exist beyond the visible realm, if only per our experience of life.
...how does a sound become a thought, how does a color become an emotion, how does a scent become a memory? We don't exist in a vacuum, is the thing. Everything around us has some sort of effect upon us, even if not overt.

If even electrons behave differently when been observed, how much more so of everything else?

There seems to be this idea that being able to describe a principle somehow delineates everything in regard to that principle, in such a way as to exclude from aberrant behavior and as to describe everything tandem. But it's just not so. Even gravity has some exceptions to the generally observed rules.

Just, there's an odd sort of retrograde closed-mindedness in terms of relating all of life in scientific terms, only accepting as true what's thus far been described according to established tenets, assuming that everything has been carried along without glaring oversights and errors (like, say, ignoring the existence of God, as a part of considerations).

It's a control issue, though. So long as we ascribe to specifically and rigorously designed theories (which do have viable bases), and stay within the purview of precisely what's described thereby and thereabouts, we can maintain an illusion of control. If we can perceive ourselves explicitly knowledgeable of our surroundings, our circumstances, and the rules by which "things" operate, then we can consider ourselves knowledgeable of all which is (according to the scope of our view), making predictions of what's to come with some degree of accuracy according to established principles of operation (being able to account or control for some extraneous factors of development certainly helps). And can maintain an absolute sense of dominance and control.

If, however, we're just as much focused on how much we don't know, it creates humility. And flexibility.

But...there's a desire to cling to the assumption that we know "almost all" there is to know, at least about "almost everything." There's a tendency to limit the unknown to a mere fraction, so as to persist in believing self secure in all those accumulated beliefs which contribute to such a worldview.

And it really is that recursive.

If you know what you know, then you know what you know, and if others don't know what you know about the things you know things about, then they're obviously in no position to know anything.

Not always wholly pronounced, but varying degrees of that sort of arrogance lives within each of us. Those who are westernized, at least. There are always exceptions.

Along those lines, though, there was the dilemma summer before last. On the one hand, seeing everything starkly according to "defined" reality, according to physical, scientific precepts...allowed for a vast degree of perceived security (despite being unable to control for all circumstances in life and situations surrounding, still).. ..on the other hand, having experienced the apparently "inexplicable" sufficiently to know it was no less legitimate than the visible, established reality...was simultaneously exciting but also disconcerting, given the inherent uncertainty of acknowledging and accepting as reality various precepts which weren't governed by well-defined (as wholly-known or understood) principles.

There seemed no way of reconciling the two, as one entailed a false security, while the other was inherently disconcerting per wholescale uncertainty.

A point came, though, when it became suddenly okay to accept that they could exist in-tandem without negating one another: the known and the unknown can and do exist simultaneous, regardless whether they're being observed and acknowledged. So, if they exist, regardless of acceptance...may as well accept that fact and move on.

If we, at any one point, had any clear conception of what all it is which we don't know, it would no longer truly be unknown. The thing is, we don't. We can't. We can only have ideas about what all we don't yet know, given the implications of the edges which become defined by what we newly discover and describe. Yet we can't know the extents to which all things can go, definitively, according to any sort of description which gives true meaning to the yet undefined. Otherwise...again, it wouldn't be unknown.

The same goes for anything. If you're an accountant, do you know how much and what all you don't know about Constitutional law? If you're a criminal defense attorney, do you know what all you don't know about marine biology? ...you may have certain ideas, which can be extrapolated from and upon your persisting knowledge about the generalities of those fields, given prior experience in related ideologies, but there will certainly be vast amounts of information which are wholly inconceivable except to study as to learn the finite distinctions and most miniscule of wholly relevant and determinant points of differentiation in successful practice.

You can know some, without knowing all, perforce knowing anything, but unless you become experientially involved, you will yet be unable to differentiate the finer points of mechanics within the field. That's just the way it is.

Same as that, if becoming involved experientially, you carry along with you the assumption that there's nothing unexpected to learn--that everything will follow patterns you're already familiar with, and that everything you'd read in preparation, and everything you'd been told by others who were involved...will have been sufficiently explicitly diverse in explication of idea as to in any way adequately describe for you an experience which is otherwise wholly and utterly foreign to everything you've thus far become accustomed to, in life, as to have even given you the barest inkling of the actual experience. That, generally, does not hold to be the case in many ways.

You may be able to comprehend certain aspects which are more nearly akin to your experiences, up to that point, but many will yet be wholly novel--regardless of how thorough a reading and conversation was undertaken prior to involvement. And, even still, there's the possibility that preconceived notions will either shape or wholly alter your experience, so what might be the potential for having had an entirely different experience if it had been undertaken without an amassing of expectation, prior to involvement?

Might expectation even inoculate against the potential for truly novel discovery?
I know it's done so with me, in instance.

Not to say there aren't controls for this--every good scientist would have to employ some manner of disbanding assumptions, implementing controls, as to undertake unbiased research. To the extent of possibility, as to allow for comprehensive development of field.

But, again, what if there are faulty base premises?

I ran into that when attempting to go forth with either one or the other perception, regarding reality...the fault in attempting to either believe everything knowable or unknowable led to complications. Because it's just not so. If everything were consciously knowable, there'd currently be visible growth according to every field...yet there's no definable, established science in the realm of the supernatural (except for religion, which many are attempting to disband). Science hasn't managed  to get a wrap on the "supernatural," though, and how much so might that be in accord with expectations taken into research?: If belief may be a matter of confirmation bias, so may unbelief..so how does and can that affect what's observed? It seems like there'd be some sort of open acknowledgment of this, but there moreover seems complete rejection of the field--despite noted anomalies.

Conversely, if everything were ultimately unknowable, nothing could be established as known...which is patently absurd, despite that there are people who make an argument to that end.

Point being, there was ultimately no way to reconcile accepting one viable aspect of life as integral while denying another aspect, which was just as vital, was somehow immaterial. And I'd been living that way, and it was unsettling, but the alternate--accepting certain things as beyond comprehension, accepting certain things as undefined, while accepting many things as visibly defined...had always been particularly unsettling. Because of the inherent lack of control implied in such a situation.

There's a lot of arrogance assumed, thereabouts. Seriously. Yet it doesn't change the fact that, despite self-delusions which profess otherwise, there are indeed many and most things which are entirely beyond any given individual's control.

That's just one conundrum that has to be dealt with, in regard to life: how does one make amends with the knowledge of finitude and incapability of ultimately impacting or grasping the expanse of reality?

Does anyone like having to come to terms with the fact that they're not god of even their own life?--having neither controlled the birth, nor having control over the majority of events proceeding thereafter, and generally unable to control death, either. And, further, having to take that into account alongside realization that there's a vast universe beyond that individual, which--no matter how well it's "understood" still ultimately exceeds even minute comprehension?

Maybe it's more of a modern complication. But...it plays out in varying ways, on all levels, whether in terms of laying out a garden with the expectation of growth according to plan, or developing and heading a corporation with expectation of global reach. Yet unable to alter time. And unable to control for "acts of God," as they used to be termed in insurance policies (any may still be). Although we are making headway with certain weather modification, apparently.

But, really, what's the point of it all? ...to understand? ..to control? ...to make the world a better place for humans?

Then why are we still building $50 million churches while children in Africa starve?...why are we allowing for a growth in the world's rich, while the poor grow poorer and poorer?

If humanism can only offer growth and security for the successful individual, then what does it offer, at all? Nothing, really. We are all only individuals. And, while Marx was definitely just as bad on the other side of the coin with things...there's still vast injustice proliferate, when it's possible for someone to be without medical care while there are businesses in the same town making profit in the millions, per year. When the premium is put on material success rather than mercy for all, where is the justice? Are we entitled to anything, in other words.

Because that's certainly a vast assumption, in the world--that we are entitled to whatsoever wealth we can amass, at anyone's expense, so long as it's not openly and directly malicious. It's okay to mislead people, but don't lie to them. Standard marketing, in other words. Standard management.

That's where I wound up, attempting to live without consideration of "the unknown."
I wound up miserable, striving after what's the generally accepted modern version of the "American dream." Utterly miserable, becoming a miserable person, treating people miserably, and falling apart per such a course.

That's what always happens when I start getting to the point where I believe that absolutely everything is somewho controllable, per some contingency plan or another: everything falls apart, self included. And I know it's by the grace of God, too, that everything continually has fallen apart.

If all my "plans" had worked out, even remotely as planned, I'd have continued along with them. I'd have never reached a point where there was no choice but to accept I'm not God, nor even "a god" of my own life. A lifetime's worth of inexplicable coincidences has simultaneously made it entirely undeniable that there's an unseen order which persists, behind the all. This, in addition to other witnessed phenomena which defy standard definition and acceptance...

...and it's just not possible to live in such a way, for me, as to deny the validity of the one or the other. Year before last, there was finally peace on that accord.

It's okay not to know everything. It's okay not to understand everything. It's okay not to be able to predict everything that's going to happen, so as to be able to control for it, in planning. 

Seriously.

I'd never had peace with that, before, though.

And it's just that same walk, in a far different way, now. In terms of walking with the Lord.

But I see that very same argument playing out in churches now, though: those who want everything to be supernaturally charged, as a means of justifying beliefs and relieving what else ails; and those who want everything to be strictly according to the book, with nothing more.

There's not an "either/or" option, though. Reality is what it is, whether we accept and embrace or not.

Moreover, God is who He is, regardless what we would like to believe about Him.

And, as there is no means of divorcing physical reality from spiritual reality, in truth, there is likewise no way of divorcing the one from the other, in practice. Merely, we all have that desire to be able to have a methodically (whether experiential or exegetical) definable reality to which we might cling, as to reassure ourselves within the false stability of contrived expectation.

This, not to say that there are not things which can be known...again, that's part of reality. Just...the other part, apparently the one to which Christians are supposed to just as readily subscribe (in knowing we fight not against flesh and blood, but powers, principalities, and spiritual entities)...is one which requires we be spiritually attuned to the voice of Christ, our shepherd.

There's no alternative, in these days. These last days, which began with His incarnation.

There's no alternative.

We must be the spiritual beings we are, just as we maintain life in a physical reality. And the Bible is...at least for me...very much a tie line, between the two. Seriously.

Even as He does communicate with other in other ways more or less subtle, as well. Yet, the Bible is the primary source.

I spent a number of years, prior to and during portions of my time in New Orleans (and sporadically thereafter) engaging in communication with spiritual entities of sorts, we'll say. To the extent of having direct message come through unsuspecting parties, such as did pick up bits of the conversation and continue it along. And in such ways as having direct address made through particular others who similarly engaged in the process. For having gone through all that, now renounced and repented of, yet when I came to Christ there was a serious and abiding terror, initially, over whether I'd received the Holy Spirit or another.

I know that prior to last spring I'd been experiencing one which purported to be the Holy Spirit, yet which wasn't...because pride was such a major function in what it supplanted and supported, of activity. Even discussing openly with a friend who wasn't Christian, there was continued temptation to give in to the leading of that other. A dire, dire course which perhaps isn't now to openly discuss.

But it was one which primarily operated in churches. It was heavily encouraged in most all churches, being present. I see it and know it's operation in many, now. It's never open, moreso operates by suggestion.

But, having had such experiences--one conscious and intentional, the other circumstantial and largely unremarked...and yet still knowing basically nothing about anything spiritual...when there did begin fellowship with the Holy Spirit, I was terrified that I might again be wrong.

Which meant a lot of time spent in the Bible. Examining, cross-examining. Were the new impulses in accord with Scripture, were the new desires in keeping with the leading of the Bible? And what of my regard for Christ?

He became precious. After weeks of being confronted with the realization of His Lordship over all creation, each continued revelation incited disdain and loathing to lesser and lesser degrees...then, to bear witness of Him, most holy, pure, and beloved, lifted up in agony upon the cross...to see my own wretchedness made clear by His preciousness...to see what my sin had wrought, of the one precious above all...made me absolutely revolt against my sinfulness. To weep, knowing He is good, and I'm so wretched as to have given cause and caused such a tragedy...

...except that I'd been saved by Him, I would have been one of the ones to crucify.
Each of us would, except that He has changed our nature.

But, apart from Him...we would have sought His crucifixion. His goodness and love are loathsome, especially so humbly presented, to anyone except those regenerated by Him.

I keep being caught on that, lately...I don't even know how to describe it. I don't know that it was actually even a mental image, entirely, so much as just this exceeding impression of the course of matters, one by one. Sequential revelation, within a few minutes' time.

Such as leaves an impression of having watched the process, being led through it, or some.

I don't know.

All I do know is it changed everything.

And made it no less important to continue reading the Bible, to ensure I was doing as He willed...to find out what He wants, to hear Him in a sense more direct, and to continually examine what was going on within.

Last night it came clear again for a moment, is all, that faith is about this: walking the narrow path between realities, consciously, knowledgeably (to whatever extent is possible or given), diligently, and with all due reverence and love, ever looking unto Christ.

Walking by faith, not sight, is realization that no matter what you're looking at, physically and circumstantially, there's a reality which underlies and seethes throughout this one which yet overwhelms whatever seems present. Such that, in the flip of a coin, everything can change entirely.

Take for example the case of David and Goliath.

All appearances were that Israel was done for. And then a youth comes forth, refusing even armor?

Except that the hand of the Lord had been upon Him and even upon the crowd, would the Israelites have even let their fate hang in the balance of a youth without armor or a sword, facing down a giant of a man who'd conquered many?

Seriously.

The Lord led David into doing as he did, in going forward to combat. Just as the Lord entirely suspended the sense of reality of that entire moment, in having Saul and the entirety of the Israelites allow and support David's decision to go forward...leaving the armor behind.

There is no other explanation.
And none necessary.

So, with the entirety of the nation of Israel backing him, David went forth, picking up stones.

Yet Goliath and the Philistines mocked, because they didn't see the spiritual reality which was overshadowing the actions of the nation of Israel.

They merely saw a youth stepping forth, with a sling-shot and some stones. They merely saw a youth sent forth by the entirety of an army of men, to represent them in a match which would mean the loss of their national identity, if lost.

Can you imagine how utterly absurd that must have appeared, to everyone who wasn't under the power of God's direction, in the matter?

Seriously.

And it's, in some ways, the same daily for Christians.

The world is no less terrifying, in many ways. Although it calls itself wholly tame, domesticated, and predictable...most people would as soon proverbially rip the throat of another than admit to tolerance of a view which doesn't jive with their own and which makes mockery of their own, whether by refuting it as impossible or as blatantly wrong. There is no love in the world, only acts of convenience. People do as is convenient, as makes sense to them. They do whatever reason seems to dictate, whatever their heart desires, each walking according to his own way...for the heart is a wicked, wicked thing...and the beginning of wisdom is fear of the Lord, so without fear of the Lord, whence comes wisdom?

So, to be loving, compassionate, and vulnerable in the midst of such savage wolves?...even as we have been, once...?

Sheep, in the midst of wolves. And many times, going into vipers' nests.

But that's where faith comes in. In regard to the Great Commission, especially.

We must, we simply must share the Gospel, by whatever means, at whatever expense to ourselves.
We must share it in love and humility, with compassion and without responding in kind to any abrasive spirits. Preach the Gospel, only.

Testify to Christ.

Lift Him up.

But without the Holy Spirit?...without the revelation of Christ, given by the Holy Spirit, and continually raised by the Spirit, within?

I don't know.

All I know is what I saw last night.

We are in a war. A battle for souls.
And we are overcomers, in Christ.

Regardless what circumstances look like.
Regardless of who yells in our faces, or loathes so much as to hit us.
Regardless who even physically strikes us, unexpected and unawares of other company.

We must.

As He gives, when He gives, as He leads.

Truly, the only way I can conceive of following Him is to be led.
By the Bible. Primarily by the Holy Spirit. But always in accord with Scripture.

Scripture was given for a reason. We are to use it, as we have it.
Even trusting that the Lord, Himself, will keep those who are His.
But we must be wary in knowing that in these days, even the elect would be deceived, if it were possible.

...which means that, except we're diligent in our study and our pursuit of God and our fellowship with the Holy Spirit, always looking unto Christ who saved us...we will be deceived.

He will lead in those ways, though, is what experience has been. He does and He will. He is faithful. He is the true shepherd.

The Good Shepherd.

Follow Him.
And don't be afraid.

Trust in Him.
He will not fail you.

Walk the narrow path, which is Christ, between these worlds.
Trust Him to make the way straight and plain.