Committed

I have faltered so much under the weight of difficulty lately, particularly in the past two days. All that remains is to commit this too to the Lord, being humbled once more by the reality of my own weakness and utter dependence upon Him. Were He not merciful and long suffering and faithful to uphold His will, all would have ever been lost. I would have no hope for deliverance or righteousness, to please and honor Him.

But Jesus overcame and He will transform me, even if He desires to do so very gradually that I may be the more aware of His all-sufficiency and mercies and of my absolute lack, apart from Him, unto praise. He will be glorified regardless what sometimes seems the case, when my own wretchedness and the wretchedness of all mankind looms large.

I remembered today, very vaguely, a scene in a series of movies about “the rapture.” This was a film series, maybe two or three or four movies, recorded in the 80s or maybe even the 70s. Or, who knows?—maybe this was from the early 90s and had the sense of being older. In any case, it was an older form of something I assume must be like the correctly “Left Behind” series of books. But I don’t know the overlaps, because that theology doesn’t hold up to what I know of the Word. 

My parents were obsessed, however, or at least my father…in the midst of all things else, somehow.

The series detailed events immediately prior and after a so-called rapture of the church: unbelievers “left behind.” 

And the scene I remembered was something to do with the concentration camp finales: people had come to salvation after the “rapture,” and somehow, believers became the bane of ALL society and were rounded up and put in internment/concentration/quarantine camps. 

Guillotines were involved in what awaited believers, in those camps. Though I think some were taken before a group who would shoot them, too…I can’t remember the word for that style of execution..

But there was something, just on the fringes of recollection now, about one fellow being taken for a guillotine and someone who loved him (or her?) pleading with him to do what would spare his life…pleading ardently, because it seemed such a minor and slight and trivial thing to them to simply stand on a principle so firmly that execution would occur, for that stance.

And there was something like, “…all you have to do is just…,”—pretend agreement?, act upon a single tenet in denial of personal conviction for just an instant?, recant a prior statement of conviction for just one moment?—and life would be spared and freedom would be granted. 

And it made absolutely no sense to the person pleading. They were deeply grieved. And so, I think, was the one going to the guillotine…but, with temerity of conviction, committed to enduring whatever the result of living according to conviction before God. 

I was thinking on that, in terms of what may be coming. Conviction of living according to a clear conscience before God (even failing so often but getting up each time and striving anew, by grace) will be perceived as horribly flawed and unconscionable and even “selfish” according to worldly standards. But where and Who is the arbiter of truth and righteousness? 

His standards matter. Though all mankind be liars, God is not, and His will is good. May we commit to knowing and undertaking what pleases Him, at every and any cost. 

Lord, help us. Please have mercy on your people, strengthening and delivering into the nearness of Your presence.