We long for things in this world that destroy us. This breaks down to being anything that's not purely good, in both intent and effect, in all directions.
As opposed to, say, like a personal battle that's been a point of petitioning the Lord's assistance for myself--stuff like eating fast food. It's convenient, so the (potential) stress of taking time to cook is ruled out...it's cheap (can be), in terms of immediate financial investment, and it satisfies an overt need for food. On any of those fronts (and perhaps some that haven't come to mind), rationale could be presented for the acceptability of fast food as a reasonable option. The immediate harms aren't absolutely evident, either in terms of the "support" per consumption of supply-side practices or in terms of the personal effects such a practice can have, to harm health, if it's regularly done.
I'm speaking metaphorically here, while citing something specific the Lord has been making clear to me, in terms of an inherent hypocrisy of doing such things while yet maintaining any sort of condescension (judgment) of struggles others face against various self-indulgences.
Sin is self-indulgence, in a lot of ways. And that's a really heavy statement to just leave hanging, but so be it, for now.
None of us have room for judgment, is the thing. We are to work out our own salvation, while only ever prayerfully attempting to speak truth into the lives of those we love, out of love for them, when and if the Lord ever strikes us to do so.
I'm still coming out of another round of attempted discrimination of truth, which led to so much arrogance and bitterness and divisiveness, rather than inspiring love and mercy and prayerful interaction.
He's showing me, yet again, how very and absolutely dependent we all are upon Him even just to recognize truth. Period.
We're completely incapable of recognizing truth, apart from His direct intervention. Because of what sin has done to utterly cloud our minds, largely.
But perhaps also because we were created dependent upon our Creator. And that's the way it was meant to be, so anything else amounts to deviation.
Carnal minds turned against Him.
He softens hearts and hardens them. He has mercy on whom He will have mercy. And yet, He's said that He won't ever turn away someone who seeks Him. Earnestly seeks Him. He has said that He will be found by those who seek Him earnestly, requiring Him as an utmost necessity.
He's our only hope. His love our only true shelter.
All else is absolute madness. Increasingly chaotic. The pace is so fierce at this point that memory seems to have pretty much disappeared--attempting to be like God, we make ourselves fools. We just aren't capable of operating in any way akin to Him, and the more ardently we attempt to approach unto that, the more we utterly destroy ourselves by deviating from the truth of our innate nature, over the course of the process.
He's told us time and again that's the way things are ordered in His universe. He has told us that if we act in ways which are against created order, it works death. Death to all things, really. To reason, to morality, to sanity, to logic, to understanding, to wisdom, to sincerity, to hope, to peace, to family, to society, to love.
The last days were expected to come to such a point that the hearts of many would grow cold.
Not just stone hearts, where fathers and mothers still loved children. But lacking all emotion, is what that verse always says to me.
I've been there. I've experienced that. And to a degree, am still seeking the Lord would further shed His love abroad in my heart, in increasing measure--because what love there is, it's still so shallow, so cold that self-interest often gives way to self-indulgence rather than submission to the will of God in Christ. Rather to have a pizza than set the money aside for charity, for the kingdom.
He's convicting me of that, and I praise Him for it. Except that He delivers me from myself, there's just no hope. And this perhaps to be a lifelong battle. Against self-indulgence. A war against sinful desires of the flesh, for ease, and comfort, and self-congratulations.
His love is sufficient to such an extent that self-interest actually only scoffs at the depths of His actual regard. He knows so much better what's needed, what's required, and what's good and right for each of us, unto deliverance into greater reaches of His peace and love, that it will ever more overflow to others...He knows these things so much better than we do. We have need only to trust Him.
Rather than indulging anxiety. Rather than being frightened of shadows in the night that whisper of personal insufficiency and circumstantial hostilities. These are all lies, only keeping truth from being held in the highest esteem.
Surrender to Christ. The world is absolute chaos, but just seek Jesus. He is trustworthy. He is faithful. His love covers a multitude of sins. And He leads in paths of righteousness for His own name's sake. Even through the valley of the shadow of Death, but His rod and staff are a comfort.
His constant Presence, ever more clearly experienced, per ardent pursuit of Him...per ardent desire for the joy of His regard...per seeking Him, worshipping in spirit and truth...
...is worth all and anything, just to know.
He is worth any and all sacrifices. He is.
And the most humbling matter regarding that is to know that even when sacrifice comes, He's ever present to guide and comfort through the storm. His love ever overflowing, to soothe and heal both oneself and those others whomever He ordains to be served through the overflow of His beneficence.
He's not a hard taskmaster, even as self-denial is required just to pursue Him.
He's not cruel, even as we each have to bear our own cross to follow Him.
These things are for the good of our souls, and He's already borne them for us, so even to help us bear them in pursuit of Him--so great is His love and kindness, His grace and mercy unto us.
He will meet us wherever we are, but He won't leave us in the ditch. We have to come out of the darkness to walk in the light.
Not mixed nature. Not a fractured heart, but made whole. Not lukewarm, but blazing with a passion for His kingdom and to know Him.
They physical indulgences which distract from that passion for Him and for the actual good of others stifles that flame, though, with every further indulgence. Except for grace, is all. Yet, to desire Him is to desire to be even more impassioned to serve Him, increasingly so. Such as makes for desire against those things which detract from ardent pursuit of Him--a desire against those things which numb the senses, dull the pain of separation, or give a sense of unreality to the actual urgency of the call to follow and serve Him.
Our flesh would rather have no trials, no pains--the harder we're pushed, the more strenuously we're tested, the more excruciatingly we're squeezed, the more we will find absolutely no recourse except to all the more completely, fully, and consciously rely all the more wholeheartedly upon a conscious fellowship with Jesus. Bearing His regard, even just to survive the day--blessed, ever to know it, and rejoicing in suffering for the sake of knowing Him more clearly. Though the path to that...is so painful...still, He comforts in ways all along the way. Because He is the Way.
Coming to know Him, even in His sufferings. Sharing them. Even as to have His mind.
These are things which are maybe impossible to describe, and they seem too sacred to touch passingly with words that can only hope to hint at truth without being about to reveal, except that He were to make it so, regardless.
But the things spoken in Scripture weren't flippantly done. Purposefully.
The more I walk with Christ, is all, the more He seems to make it all more clear that He's the one carrying me, even dragging me along. Attention wanders constantly, and the more anxious are my desires to prevent myself from error, the further into error I wade. To such extent that, reaching a point of believing myself positioned well in the midst of a set of what's decided as good doctrine...has multiple times, now, been atmosphere for anxiety and divisiveness and arrogance and hypocrisy and self-righteousness to brew and overflow even into bitterness. To such extent that I even despaired of life, again, crying out to the One who has never left me...for mercy.
Just mercy.
I will share what He shows me, still, in hopes that even being very honest about my utter failures to be faithful have nonetheless been corrected and forgiven by a faithful Saviour whose love is far greater than any of our ability to sin.
He has been so merciful to me. Again, and again, and again.
Unto greater trust, for knowing Him more intimately through what He reveals of Himself even by revealing my own hardheartedness as foil--unto repentance and desire to be transformed.
Just seem Him. That's all I know. He's fearsome and mighty and powerful beyond reckoning--to be feared and reverenced. Unto a turning away from evil, even, so as to please the Almighty--the great lover of our souls, whose love is virtuous and pure...turning to Him, by turning away from evil.
He alone can guide. Dig in to Scripture, cling to His Presence, and don't look back.
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