Darkness Will Not Overcome

How much I want to just proclaim Christ's goodness, His faithfulness, and how transformative His love has been and is.

He continues answering prayers. Not just a bit at a time, not just periodically, but every single moment.

The peace and encompassing wonder of His abiding love--never wavering, through each storm that's come and gone even within this short span of having walked consciously with Him, surrendered...

...His continual presence is an answered prayer.

And my only regret related to that is regarding my own continued penchant still to mentally stray, even into temptation. How wretched, to be held rapt by the love of a diligent and attendant Father, whose every intention is for my good and for the good of all my brothers and sisters...yet, still, to continually turn away from Him, allowing my heart to wane in fervor.

Maybe all generations and all times have really struggled with the idea of love, though. Because, really, even as it's been told me so many times by my sisters in Christ this past year...the idea that it's not possible to actually know or experience pure, true love apart from the love of God...

...is a difficult concept.

Mostly because I remember the good times, too, of camaraderie with others who didn't know Christ. I don't know to what extent any heart is ever given to ulterior motives, to selfishness in the midst of fellowship. I can't even recognize the true state of my own heart unless the Lord reveals it to me--which, this too has struck me all the more, recently.

These things are true. They're very painful to consider, for the implications surrounding. But, even as i hang my head to acknowledge it...these things are true.

Love apart from God is tainted by sin, although He is so gracious as to have preserved true reflections of His own pure love in certain forms between others. Some parental-child relationships have that sort of pure, untainted love, I'm sure. I would imagine. From what I see and hear.

Just as some platonic relationships have what approaches agape love--true desire for the good and well-being of one's friend. To such extent that there are those who stage interventions for suffering and struggling beloved friends, despite how difficult that must be--in terms of likelihood of rejection, bitterness, strife, and what in modern society might seem to be an infringement upon personal liberty...but out of actual, effective love, to risk displeasure and rejection for the sake of attempting to pursue ultimate well-being rather than temporary peace.

And then, there's forgiveness between friends, too...which is of love, selfless, in ways. And of mercy.

By God's grace, it is.

We aren't responsible for the existence of these things, is the point. And we don't tend to them in ways which helps them flourish--not apart from the good which He originally intended and instilled in us, prior to sin. What vestiges of that good remain, to His glory and according to His merciful restraints...those remnants of good, even you could say encoded in our DNA--made in the image of our Creator, as to love and be merciful...

...those remnants are reason enough to love Him more, knowing He's responsible. And further reason to love one another more deeply, too, as further reminded that He's the Creator of all which is, and His love for each of us is steadfast. Even as some will remain opposed to Him, choosing judgment rather than reconciliation through Christ...His love is no less. Another very hard truth.

He would prefer that none would perish. Yet He won't force the unwilling to submit prior to the appointed time. He'll allow rebellion until that time when He has appointed all things to come into subjection to the truth of who He is.

Even bringing many to salvation, still, in the meantime until then.

On which point I'm currently utterly transfixed, in terms of His mercy. This, both to myself, and in terms of prayer for those whom I love who are still in a state of abject hostility to the true God, the God of Abraham.

There are many. And prayer will continue. He's been answering. He's been saving.
He's working mightily in the lives of a couple of those who are utterly dearest to me, even as it is all the more heart-wrenching to realize the pain to come through process of denying self as to come to Christ...it's worth it.

I know that, from experience.

It's worth it to forsake everything, to have Him, to know Him, to serve Him.

But even then, the forsaking is done according to His will--not necessarily haphazardly nor thoughtlessly nor frantically. He asks for restraint and obedience, submission and humility.
Brokenness and contrition are par for the course.

None of these are easy to bear, especially at first, especially when flesh is so wont to remain utterly prevalent in attempting to bear the weight of all things, still, rather than keeping submission to Christ.

The Lord, though, He works these things out in us. He's shown me this in my own life. Bit by bit. Step by step. Moment by moment.

Even as He answers prayer for those around me in ways which are recognized as direct response.
He is answering. He has been. Increasingly blatantly.

I have trusted Him, and He has tested me. And will continue, both counts. Neither by my own strength nor by anything good in me, but by the Spirit of Christ in me, who strengthens and guides.
He is all which is good in me.

And the greatest desire is to completely be purged of self, so to be wholly submissive to Him, walking in full measure of the knowledge of His Spirit, even so to have the very mind of the Lord. For the sake of His glory, for the sake of those whom He would have as His, whom He purchased with His precious blood.

And He will do this. Because He has said that He will fulfill whatever's asked according to His will, believing.

So many who are beloved to me are in New Orleans. Many whom I can no longer get to speak with me, because of my proclamations of Christ--toeing the line is not good, and blatant profession has been off-putting. Even especially in terms of how wretched I've been all my life, apart from Christ--wholly undependable, duplicitous, hypocritical, judgmental, flippant, unsympathetic, and arrogant, not to mention other, similarly nefarious tendencies which had long-distorted my ways and proven total lack of moral integrity.

I don't even know the depths of how wretched I've been--the Lord revealed a week ago something that has been so long-standing an entirely pervasive wretchedness that...the entirety of what had been my sense of self has been utterly broken, but gladly for having realized how absolutely flawed, marked by sin I am.

Arrogant. Proud. Self-exultant and self-exalting.

Must trust Him to keep me, all the more, as not to be continually carried along by such horrible, incompassionate stance.

It goes.

And in the midst of a consideration of love, it goes.
He has to do these things, though, or they won't be done. We only see what we're blind to when sight has been restored. We who are so long lost and maimed...can't find our way, can't be made whole in our own strength.

God can do these things. He's willing, through Christ.

When we seek Him. He will.

So, to see prayers answered...

...He is relentless. And it's effortless for Him--just part of who He is, how He is, just in being.

So to know the gospel is going out as a live performance in New Orleans, this weekend?...inviting locals to come?...even as the whole thing is going to be broadcast live on FOX?

Let revival start there, then, if He wills. Where sin has abounded, let grace all the more abound.
I certainly did so horribly as to add to the burden of sin in that city, for years. Even to the point of death, multiple times over--God has been so gracious to spare me, time and time again--but let grace abound. That sin would be overturned. That repentant hearts would seek Him, in spirit and truth.

Unto salvation. Peace with God. Reconciliation in Christ.

There, and to the nation, and to the world.
He makes the wisdom of man foolishness, with His foolishness being of higher wisdom that we can even begin to conceive. The preaching of the cross for the salvation of many.

So many seeds to be sown.
And no matter how man or demon may attempt to interfere, Christ is sovereign and His will be done. On earth as it is in heaven, His will is done. The truth will overshadow all.

To the glory of His name, then. Lord, let it be.

If that broadcast is live, then perhaps there will even be international viewers. Perhaps there will be satellite feed throughout the world, then and there. I have someone else whom I need to call, tomorrow.

Lord, have mercy on us all.
Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us all, we are sinners.