Rather than start there, though, this is here.
Communication has been the hot-button issue, these past couple weeks. The Lord has been straight-up convicting me over my tendency to perpetuate idle talk to extent that it sometimes deteriorates completely into gossip. Not at all obvious, I'm sure, given some of the past few months posts which went into so much needless detail about others.
Finger-pointing is never acceptable, apparently. Not in the sense of there being implied judgment inherent. Not in the sense of there being an inherent divisiveness implied, in other words--as opposed to active prayer and loving correction and edification in Christ.
When speech borderlines on "I can't believe they did such a thing, what they should do is..." or "you are so wrong it's ridiculous"-sorts of content, there's generally a severe lack of compassion entailed. Most frequently, in those instances, the baseline reason for speaking in such a way, unconsciously, rests in a desire to assert or reinforce perceived dominance.
In one way or another, that type of self-seeking (even self-preserving--think in terms of offensive defense as a course per insecurity) dynamic is mixed up in the process, very often in instances where brothers or sisters viably need Christ-centered correction and edification. But such self-interested (self-centered) attempts at correction ultimately tend toward mockery and anger, given lack of intrinsic, compassionate concern over another's position of need for Christ...as continual context of awareness of that very same need in oneself is generally absent or sorely imbalanced.
Which is all the more reason why love has to be the utmost and total foundation from which any attempt at correcting a brother or sister derives and persists. If it's not founded and maintained solely upon the principles and precepts of God's will for us to love Him first and love others as ourselves, self plays a dominant role and the entire process will be laced with death and chaos.
...merely per course of being perverted by carnal self-will, which is ever in conflict with God.
That seems to be why there's so much an absolute requirement for seeking God first, above and beyond all things. He is the only wholly incorrupt, incorruptive, incorruptible influence upon us, period, thus the only means of effective extrication from corruption...sin is corruption, disease is corruption, anxiety is corruption: anything which degrades, destroys, erodes, or imbalances does corrupt. So, anything which leans heavily upon influences other than wholeheartedly seeking God as an approach to salvation or sanctification, will thus tend toward some sort of delusion, ultimately...at the very least (wherein delusion is a corruption of clarity).
So, even the most sound preaching...when relied upon--in and of itself, alone--more heavily than prayer, meditation, private devotional studies, and ultimately and primarily yearning after God...even the most sound preaching will tend toward some sort of religiosity, rather than true experience of God which extricates from corruption.
And...even the most secure Christian fellowship will begin to invert--detracting from focus upon the Lord, onto itself--if sought more ardently and relied upon more abjectly than fellowship with the Holy Spirit.
And...even the most strident course of Bible reading and attempted study will somewhat yield to self-exaltation, if prioritized for its own sake and for the sake of knowledge more highly above ardent desire and love for understanding the One of whom and by whom it was inspired.
In other words: Unless Christ, ultimately God Himself, is perpetually central focus and desire of all activities and pursuits, ultimately they'll tend to some amount of corruption--to some amount of delusion, whether manifested as a distraction or obsession or frustration or self-exaltation or howsoever manifold else. Everything has to be focused on Him, on Christ. On God, is the point. Otherwise, the juncture between truth and delusion is crossed unto the latter side.
Think of it this way:
Realistically, everything subsists in Him, regardless. So, He is at the center of everything, whether we choose to be aware of that truth or not. We're distracted from that according to our "natural" disinclination to Him--especially prior to conversion--as a matter of the delusion which persists in accord with internal revolution (outright rebellion) against Him. Reconciling that, in Christ, is what allows for clarity of realizing His truth. Becoming thus increasingly able to see, acknowledge, revere, and worship His omnipresence and sovereignty constitutes coming into greater accord with reality--extrication from corruption, as reconciliation with the incorruptible God. That reconciliatory convergence makes everything all the more worthwhile, fulfilling, and productive, merely as per the course of what alignment with a good and loving Creator God entails (as per His good will, for it to be so).
Coming to a point of acknowledging Him, consciously, as central in all things...brings an entirely new light and an entirely new scope of meaning to life. One which was already there--just unrealized, because of persistent delusions, is all.
I saw something a couple of nights ago, and then today. Glimpses, interwoven. Remarkable.
Awareness of the depths to which darkness of consciousness has descended in this realm is profoundly unsettling.
...in context of...
God's presence, goodwill, love, and power are far more encompassing and eminent than we have any means of comprehending.
We all feel so very settled and secure in the particular roles and positions we occupy, at any given moment. Despite that the all of it is entirely illusory, in a sense of those observations' inherent restriction to the physical realm regardless of overt, unremarked context within a far more pertinent spiritual reality encompassing the all.
Are you aware that, even now, according to some strain of quantum physics, there's begun to be precursors of scientific realization of our physical universe as a "projection?"...wherein they're equating it to something along the lines of a "virtual reality?"...a so-called "simulation?" A reality within a reality, in other words--our reality as a minor projection upon the larger reality which encompasses...akin, in ways, to the manner in which a movie projector has projected images upon a screen, our reality is a projection from and upon the other reality. Such that there are those who theoretically perceive our physical reality as layered upon and sourced from an unfathomably more vast and deeper reality--one which expands beyond our ability to comprehend, whatsoever.
You know...almost like there were some sort of backing principle which generated everything into particular place and formation, implementing and supporting everything according to a design, or something? Like...you know...God creating a universe, maybe? Only, as expressed in terms of quantum mechanics.
The most interesting revelation that community has more recently unveiled, wandered across a few months ago, expressed ironic astonishment at having come to a point of perceiving that the universe seems to have been "created by/sourced from light," in some sense.
I don't understand nearly enough, along broad lines of quantum mechanical reasoning, to be able to contextually comprehend the implications of both those recent consideration. But wandering across tidbits like those...(which, if the article that concluded by saying light was the inciting cause of the universe's creation were at-hand..I'd share it, but Google isn't cooperating)...really reinforces the magnitude of God's supremacy and sovereignty. Even as it simultaneously humbles to reflect and know that there's absolutely no way to know Him, except through Christ--no matter what we detect of Him, except that we approach through Christ, it's all idle talk. Just think, apart from Christ, we constitute an entire species set on "finding their own way to God," who are yet so arrogant as to refuse His help in doing so. Even as we unveil and marvel at the principles which He has instituted in our created realm--taken completely aback by the merest preliminary evidences of the most basic principles expressed in reality in accordance with His being and His design and will and order--we haven't begun to even nearly come to awareness of Him.
It's insane, really--He conceived, orchestrated, and supports the founding principles and consistence of every core and comprehensive article of existence, and yet we're all the more incapable of seeing the forest for the trees...the deeper we look, the more names we give to His principles, the more comprehensively we purport to understand the mechanics He's instituted, the less we are aware of and know Him. Generally.
Why do we all want to know Him on our terms, exclusively? I mean, seriously. He gave us the codex. Handed it right to us. The universe. "The Big Book," as one pastor had put it. Yet, still, we don't want to see Him in it...we want to see and recognize ourselves, everything around us, and only approach Him by way of our own merits thereabouts. And such objectivity as we claim, along such a course--according to agreed "scientific" standards of measure--is thus a lie. We purport to observe, measure, and understand everything, exclusively according to our perceptions. Generally, present-tense, refuting the existence of God outright, or at least "setting Him aside" in pursuing understanding of the universe. Setting aside the very core component of all which is, in a proposed effort to understand the nature of all...is a glaring oversight which derails clarity, entirely. If the base assumptions, the founding principles by which study is approached are rooted in such a monumental false premise, then the entirety of progress will be fraught with (if only hairline fracture, then) error perpetuated unavoidably per an erroneous fount. Which in-part is whereby we have such absurd contortions of what's presumed to be objectivity, at this point, that voicing critical observation has become a standard for asserting dominance--the web really just grows deeper and thicker, on that count, honestly.
But seeking to more comprehensively, evermore expansively remark meta-consciously upon ourselves and one another, overall remarks upon our increasing yearning for true experience of God--evermore frustrated per consequent detraction from ability to fulfill that yearning, as our very designs at seeking Him within our own corruption yield only to deeper corruption, we yet expound further and further in search of that "limit" which He constitutes.
Societally, what was once only muted frustration has built to a barely restrained pitch of rage and resentment, though...along those lines.
...as seeking Him on our terms. Despite that He laid everything bare. In Christ--God's expression of Himself, on our terms.
In our corruption, we corrupt others, is all. So long as self-reference is primary--as the foundation and source of speech and thought and word--corruption is vastly inherent. There has to be a foundation in Him, in Christ, in God, Himself...in order for truth to have comprehensive, contextual meaning. Again, otherwise the base constructs by which the search begins, in which the search in founded, in which any attempt at expression or understanding is made...are faulty as sourced in error.
He is the Truth: The baseline foundation upon which all is built and in which all subsists. So, a foundation which ignores Him, refutes Him, rebels against Him, resents Him, loathes Him, or any other such sort?...to any degree?...is corrupt, inherent of itself, thus perpetuating flaws in observation which will remain unperceivable to the one so self-deluded as to overlook God as implicitly inherent of all.
But that's also why communication can be such a tricky business, as it tends to weave somewhat aimlessly in and out and around that reality in such a way as to sometimes unawares move into entirely deluded terrain. Such as gossip. And any sort of thing which doesn't consciously assert Him as vital and central, in some meaningful capacity...anything which perpetuates corruption...
...is not of God.
Jesus said that those who are not with Him are against Him. Those who aren't gathering with Him are scattering.
It's like that, on all fronts. Including in conversation.
And that's what I've been struggling with. Idle words, idle speech...they tend to corrupt, given that they aren't actively edifying.
What gets me, though, is that...He points it out to me, and I feel increasingly loathe to continue, to the point that there are certain things which nearly incite a complete breakdown for the horror at even the thought of so transgressing.. ..but He's the one who delivers me from the process, too.
For the past many months, I've been struggling to reconcile an understanding of how it is that everything is by grace, that we come to Him in faith, and that His yoke is easy and His burden is light...but that, yet, repentance is a part of the process--required and absolutely vital to salvation and sanctification...and we must take up our cross, in order to follow Him.
Wherein...my thought had long past been along these lines:
Okay, so all these things I do are sin? And being saved means stopping this stuff? "Repenting" of it...and never doing it again? Yeah right. First off, I don't want to stop doing some of these things, really. And, secondarily, I've tried to stop some of them and just can't. So, whatever.
If salvation means I have to stop all this stuff, "repent" of it and never do it again, I can't be saved. No matter how much I mean it, no matter how much I try, I just can't do it. I'm not capable, and since I can't do it, I can't be saved.I was taught that repentance meant being really sorry about something, apologizing to God for doing it, because it was sinful (bad/wrong)....and then never, ever, ever, ever doing it again. And if you did "the sin" again, you hadn't repented.
And there was a persistent implication that repentance was a limited time, limited frequency, limited effect appeal to God for forgiveness. Whereby, if you kept doing "sin" over and over and over again, you couldn't keep "repenting" of it. And, inexplicably, thereabouts lay the way of forgiveness.
Forgiveness was hinged upon repentance.
So, with each "unsuccessful repentance" there was an increased sense of failure, inherent an increased pressure to either stop repenting before running out of chances to repent...or to do it right, and really never sin again, that time.
Which...is a minor part of why I'd walked away from Christianity in youth (in addition to being mocked and physically removed by the church perforce a manifestation of the Holy Spirit during service). I couldn't repent properly: I couldn't stop sinning, no matter how hard I tried, so I just couldn't do it right. I kept letting God down, and I didn't want to run out of chances to repent. So, I just gave up and stopped "wasting His time." I knew I was wretched, but there was no fix for it, because I couldn't make myself stop being wretched, and it seemed that God wouldn't want me unless I could concede to His expectations for right behavior.
So why keep trying, when the stuff folks in charge keep telling you just ends up reinforcing how completely inadequate and incapable and horrid you are. Period. That I was terrible and needed to ask for forgiveness, so I wouldn't go to hell. Period. This all, weekly attending (baptized) Seventh Day Advent, then Methodist churches...with regular Catholic and Pentecostal influence, as well. So, I eventually just reconciled myself to the knowledge that I was going to hell, because there wasn't an alternative...given that I wasn't capable of ceasing from sin. I kept going to Christ, asking to be saved, asking for forgiveness. But I kept sinning, no matter what I did. Because I expected that I was the one who was supposed to engender and enact the cessation...and viewed my salvation as contingent to "successful repentance" according with cessation of sinfulness.
If I'd had any idea that it was Christ who works the work...not me..
...that coming to Him was about more than just realizing my own wretchedness and need for salvation, knowing He was the one to save me..the only one who could...but that it was also a matter of necessarily realizing that He was the one to do everything, that I just could cling to Him...collapse upon Him...and He would make the change in me. I always got the impression that the entire process was a matter of making decisions and implementing them, self-sourced. Rather than continually collapsing on Christ and trusting Him to do everything which needs done.
There wasn't emphasis on grace--nothing beyond the song, that I recall. The only grace I'd ever heard of was in that Christ was God incarnate, that He lived sinless, died for me, and resurrected and is reigning in heaven. That was the entirety of what I thought grace was--that God would do all of that, so people could be saved. Everything thereafter was focused upon self-effort, though. Not on Christ. Everything was about how you acted, what you did, what you said...how you were, the decisions you enacted. Not about Christ working in or through us. Never about that, except that it got a side-mention periodically as some sort of esoteric mystical concept which Christians could take to heart as some sort of far-flung hope for heaven. We were all looking for heaven, not for Christ...not for God. Although assuredly there were those who met Him in the process, according to His will. Just...it wasn't in His will for me, then, along those lines.
As a child, the things folks spoke of in the pews, the ways they acted, and the conversations outside of church were all infinitely more interesting than anything a preacher said behind a pulpit. Still, really, that all speaks volumes.
Just...it comes down to being a matter of belief. Either you believe what's being preached to a point of practice, or you don't believe it at all: actions pronounce our beliefs, just as their overall consistency evidences the consistency of belief. So, if the people in the congregation belief the things being preached, they'll live them out and their conversations will embody them. (Out of the abundance of the heart comes speech, perhaps?)
Like as James talked about faith being proved in works. It's not that works, themselves, are stand-alone evidences of faithfulness...but that faith naturally yields actions and words--works--which constitute a proclamation and pronouncement of one's beliefs. That's the way things go, for anyone.
Teachers will talk about teaching. Doctors will speak of medical practice. Physicists will discuss theoretical advances. Christians will edify Christ.
Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. (Matthew 12:34)
Which is another facet whereby idle speech, corrupt communication is such a concern, really--self-examination-style, for real.
The thing is, even as with salvation, we're not the author of our faith...or our sanctification.
I'll pray for revelation on what darkness remains, pray for deliverance, receive conviction, surrender to my helplessness, pray for guidance and deliverance, and trust in Jesus...and He delivers. He brings repentance. Metanoia. A change of mind. Revolutionary change of mind...not merely decision-making, but an epiphanous alteration of internal processes. Wherein the former ways of thinking and acting have become acutely reprehensible, thus no longer even conscionable. And the change of perspective is wrought per an increased revelation of Christ's goodness, love, and preciousness--so, it's not as though the acts have somehow changed, in and of themselves, but they've only become more clearly seen according to their contrast against Christ's purity and beneficence. And the darkness and depravity of those acts thus become disgusting, painful, and unconscionable in and of themselves.
So, repentance isn't a matter of deciding to not do something ever again. It's not a matter of coming to a point of seeing how good God is that sin becomes disgusting, loathsome, and horrendous...where it reaches a point of wreaking internal havoc, to try to perpetuate those sorts of things, because of the how wretched it makes you feel. Because it separates you from God, and being in His presence is more glorious and fulfilling than anything...so, having reached that point, in regard to any particular practice...seeking God brings about a separation from things which perpetuate any opposition to His will and ways.
That has been repentance. That has been what sanctification has been like.
That has been what separating myself from sin has constituted...and from whence it has derived.
Not from a decision. But from a yearning for closeness with God...from a desire to see Christ in all His glory, and to know Him more plainly, daily, moment-to-moment. From a desire to fellowship with Him...and from the cultivation of that fellowship, deepening.
So, my prior idea of repentance as a decision-making, goal-setting process was graceless, work-based faith. It was torment. I gave up. There's no point making oneself more miserable than life already tends.
I'm so grateful things don't work that way. Seriously. Unless the Lord builds the house, ye labor in vain who build it.
That...is such a relief. Seriously.
It used to be a complete nightmare, though--I used to hear stuff like that and be completely overwhelmed with the idea of being unable to do it, being unable to make things work, being incapable of earning salvation. Because, for whatever reason, I never heard the resolution of those notions: Christ is able, on all counts. And salvation is by grace, through faith. Not by works, lest any man should boast. Christ is the author and finisher of our faith. And He will perform the work He has begun, unto the day of completion. Even as He is truly capable of securely keeping all things which are entrusted to His hands--we have no need of anxiety, as none can snatch us from His hands.
Knowing that He is the author and finisher of our faith, though. That's such a big thing.
He reconciles all that seeming duplicity, in Himself--as regarded the distinct points of consideration regarding finding rest in Him, while also being called to take up my cross. All that is reconciled in Him.
There's no other way.
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