This ended up being
really long, just to note. And the last bit of things are still not satisfactorily complete. Just of many things which have been off-and-on serious fixations, prayerfully, which have been gladly brought to remembrance today.
...redirection is really helpful, when it's redirection to a contemplation of God and His Word--Sovereign Creator of all, loving Father and Provider, merciful and loving Protector. Or redirection to the person of Jesus Christ, Savior and Redeemer, our all-sufficient sacrifice, dearest friend--the Shepherd of my heart. Or redirection to His abiding Holy Spirit, who guides, directs, and instructs in all righteousness--convicting of sin
and righteousness--working God's will in and through those who are indwelt and led by Him.
To be in right relationship entails being led by Him. Even if blindly so.
There are so many questions about His nature. About who He is. About what it is to walk
with Him. Such as all are only implicit and express of the desire to know Him better, to know Him more, and to love Him more wholly.
And to know His love.
There's something about the difference between Hebraic and Greek modes of thought that seems really relevant to general attempt to interpret. And it's generally entirely lost on me, to even attempt to approach discussion.
But there've been at least two bits of teaching I've wandered across which have discussed the differences: There's something backward to the Greek means of understanding versus way of interpreting according to Hebraic thought.
Last week's sermon gave a very relevant-to-our-culture approach to the second chapter of Romans, in beginning with the end and working backwards: The conclusion begins the chapter, then the principles which undergird that conclusion are provided. The teacher provided especially clear instruction by proceeding in that reverse order--culminating with the conclusion that began the chapter.
So much of what the Lord's helped me understand about Scripture has come to seem along similar lines--bits which I'd been going to in attempt to use as somewhat a litmus test of my salvation
or progress in sanctification aren't appropriately approached in such manner. Much of those such passages are for edification, encouragement,
and exhortation, most blatantly--but they are also actually a
working description of what the Lord's work in a person
is and
will look like,
when and while He is working in a person. So, while such passages
are there as commands and exhortation, they're descriptions, moreover, of what work He
does and leads unto. (Like as: If we're
actively experiencing "such and such" exhortation from the Spirit of God,
then it's going to finally really hit home and
make sense as it reads in Scripture. If we
know truth, then we will
recognize it...and if we
don't know truth, we wouldn't recognize it if it hit us over the head with a locomotive.)
The first bit ever shown to me in that-such new light was of Jesus's parable of the man who built his house on a rock, compared to the one who built it on sand.
I've
known that parable for nearly my whole life--stuck in my mind, from childhood. I remember thinking about the scene, about how much sense it seemed to make, and about what a good idea it seemed.
And I remember hearing the bit about "those who hear these words I say and do them are like the wise man who built his house upon a rock"--and I remember feeling no small amount of fear at prospect of
not doing as He said, having understood a very minor bit of the importance of being on solid foundation...versus being destroyed.
But that's as far as things went, until a couple years ago (the thing about the mustard seed is a trip, too--and actually may be a thing differently understood prior to
this, but...eh--either way).
I never wondered about what it meant to do as Jesus says, though--except to think it was about building on a solid foundation. The whole thing seemed tautalogical, seemed circular. So, I did all sorts of things to "build on a solid foundation," but never questioned anything about what it meant to do as Jesus said, never questioned what it meant to
hear what He has said.
Everything in the verses prior to the bit about the man building a house on a rock was just so much which seemed easy, yet which never struck a chord of conviction. "Don't judge so you won't be judged," became "don't be judgmental," and was periodically used as a means of minimizing sin and rationalizing compromise. While knowing false "people" by their fruits simultaneously became a means of judging people deemed difficult or openly disagreeable, period. And all sorts of the same bits of compartmentalization was made of the all of Scripture (what bits were known).
I
still haven't fully gained insight into all the things, because it's utterly vast. The way He presents things is so straightforward and very accessibly worded, while at the same time being intertwined with so many principles of surrender and love and compassion and
required seeking of
His direction and understanding as to need His intervention for interpretation, moment to moment. Still, at times, certain things ring clarion, for the utmost, glorious simplicity which is
also present and
very real.
Just like of the wrapping up of the all which preceded by exhorting that those who
hear and
heed His words are like a wise man who built his house on a rock:
Very simple, utterly straightforward, and
unmistakable. It says what it says, blatantly.
Yet doing what He's said requires
His participation. We aren't capable, in our own strength, of striving unto God. We can
desire Him ardently and utterly desire to be obedient...but even
that is somehow
only as He's given life to our hearts to so do.
And being in
right relationship to Him is symbiotic in some very loose but real capacity, but as
He ordained--
He is
totally sovereign of the process and exchange, though, and He
doesn't need us or depend upon us in
any regard. But we were
created by Him for a purpose which in a very definite way entails fellowship with Him--even as to worship Him, delight in Him, and enjoy
His fellowship with us--all while remaining in loving obedience and total dependence upon Him, being
consciously and
gladly and
wholly subject to Him
as is right and proper and due Him.
Just, there's inexplicable sort of fellowship
with Him which He's created us for, as entails loving--and thus
willfully desiring--interaction with Him. He created us to
want to be in fellowship with Him, of
our own will to desire to be in obedience to and in open interaction with Him.
Sin destroyed and degrades and dims that desire, though. Wipes it out. Even in the life and heart of a believer who
has come to know Christ, love for Him and desire to be in ongoing fellowship with Him wanes as attention strays or the cares of the world overshadow our waiting upon Him, resting in His Presence, and abiding in His love.
Christ, alone, restores that desire (even using so many means), ever drawing us to
begin to desire fellowship with Him and ever to desire more deeply. As, yes, something of being
dead (as in sin, apart from Christ) thus insensate to love as to even
be incapable of loving or desiring His fellowship precludes all
ability to so do, prior to
His intervention. Yet He desires
all would come unto Him. And He said He would draw
all men unto Himself, when lifted up (John 12:32). So, still...
Someone the Lord has led me to had a take on the bit about the potter and the clay in a way which still has me pondering, prayerfully, months later. A bit about a particular disclosure the Lord made with Jeremiah (Jeremiah 18)--He
is the potter, and in that chapter He mentions molding, shaping clay, and how the
clay was resistant to being molded...and the fellow I listened to further spoke of how, while the clay had initially been intended to become a fine vase, it was instead made into a chamber pot for having proven unwilling to be shaped into the finer vessel.
That latter bit is
possibly too much liberty on the part of the fellow presenting the sermon?, but
maybe he was justifiably
also thinking on Isaiah 45:9 in context of Romans 9:20-24 and 2 Timothy 2:20-21, when being so descriptive. Especially as the remainder of Jeremiah 18 does support the descriptions given to the vessels and also supports the interpretation of the clay having impacted its fate.
Clay is interesting to work with, challenging. I spent a year at it (was going into a third semester), first (unwilling) bout with college. Didn't want to be there, so I majored in Studio Art as a means of mitigating the difficulties--drawing, primarily...and pottery had always been appealing, and I ended up enjoying the process. So, I spent a year with pottery.
I didn't learn a lot--two semesters' worth of playing with mud, really, for as far as I got with technique. Using the wheel was very challenging
and rewarding, though--even being electric, versus old-school ones where you had to simultaneously turn the wheel by foot while still using hands to shape the clay. It was still
very challenging. The focus required was intense. The amount of precision and consistency in pressure required to shape with your hands required full-body bracing, adjustment, and tension. So, it's a workout, in a way. You have to be wholly engaged in what you're doing--exerting
extremely precise and
extremely consistent pressure, without any jerky movements
or attempts to too rapidly shape or pull (stretch & thin vessel walls) of the clay. Otherwise you destroy the piece by creating an inconsistency or flaw in the walls of the vessel. And the vessel
will collapse if it's misshapen, given the speed of the wheel and given ongoing pressure--the speed is enough to cause it to collapse, alone, even also being necessary to ability to properly work the clay.
Unless very precise, controlled movements are made in approaching and drawing away from and shaping the clay, it also collapses for being thrown off balance. Water is also absolutely vital to the entire process--if your hands or the clay becomes dry, it rips. So, part of the all requires continually pulling away to dip at least one hand in water, then reapproaching and reapplying hands again with same precision and gentility required in having drawn away.
But lumps, though? If the clay has lumps or irregularities in consistency, you can't pull it very far or shape it well. At the very least, the walls can't be made thin, the vessel can't be made tall, and there's good chance lumps will cause it to rip while being pulled, thinned...just because of the amount of pressure and speed required to shape the clay, in general.
So, lumps or irregularities within the clay itself make it unfit for becoming anything very finely shaped. Because the clay just won't yield to all the pressures well. And if the clay is resistant enough, there's not much you can do with it, on the wheel.
The fellow talking about Jeremiah 18 made especial point of discussing how the clay had a
role in determining its shape--is why all these things are mentioned.
But the potter is the one ultimately doing the work, either way.
And the potter ultimately determines the shape and the purpose of the vessel--regardless the condition or "unwillingness" of the clay to be molded, still.
...and it
is possible to hand-knead
some lumpy clay until smooth--then still make something of it. And sometimes, I think I even worked water into clay that had begun to dry. Which required more work, because that has a tendency to
incorporate lumps...plus, I think air bubbles were a concern--but I'm not recalling very clearly.
Maybe a potter with sufficient skill would even still make something
very fine of such clay, though.
But there was nothing quite like clay that was smooth, pliant, and easy to pull and shape.
Either way and regardless, there's
something which begs consideration in how He's ordained us to be in relation to Him as being simultaneously a position of abject submission while
also somehow being one that expects personal involvement which
isn't at all forced, but which comes from our heart's desire to be in right relation with Him. Even as He has to restore to us capability for even
feeling love and desiring fellowship with Him, from the outset--heartbreaking to really think on, given He is
so worthy abject devotion and love.
Consider what we know of how things were, before the fall--before sin.
We walked in fellowship with Him. Inconceivable to be so privileged as for Him to create us to do so--and even to
worship Him openly as our Creator.
We are but dust, and yet He walked with us in the garden. Spoke with us.
To know He loves us is beyond imagination. He loves us, though,
and wants us to be in right relationship with Him. To
abide in His love. To
rest in Him. Even as to walk in
loving obedience--not one borne of bitter resignation or resentful obligation...but
lovingly desiring to obey because He
loves us and
we love Him. As we were created to do.
So the rock is Him--abiding in Him, resting in Him, and being in right relationship with Him. And if we fashion our earthly lives according to living a restored relationship with God, through Christ, we will not be shaken by anything, ultimately. He is immovable.
Though the house might tremble in the bitter rain, groan under the force of the torrent, and shudder through the brute force of a storm...it
won't be moved because the foundation is
immovable and
will stand any storm.
Those who hear His words and who do as He says
are like that, having been
given ears to hear and hearts to obey.
And that's the part I never grasped, prior to coming to know Christ. You don't get to the desired end result by attempting to appropriate the descriptors of said situation's inciting events. Particular inciting events can only be recognized after having
occurred, thus being brought to a point of being
able to grasp them for what they are, and
then the desired end will be
known as having become (at least in part) effected. It's a matter of being incapable of
recognizing a thing until you've become
aware what it is, what it "looks like," or howsoever else
able to recognize. Just--try as you might, if you don't know what you're looking for, how can you even recognize you've found it...except that it be revealed to you, how can you know?
That approaches another aspect of distinction between Greek and Hebraic views, regarding prophecy. Greeks apparently view it as something intended to describe the future in a way which makes it possible to make precise predictions about exactly what's going to happen and when and where and how.
Whereas, with Hebraic interpretation, prophecy is given to be understood
after something has happened,
explaining why it happened, and giving clear indication after the fact that it was God who had previously spoken.
God, Himself, talked about this principle again and again...John 13:19 is a prime example, but Old Testament prophecies include the same indication, multiple times ("...then you will know that I am the Lord..."). He tells us things before they happen, so we will know
why they happened and
will recognize them for what they are after they have happened, and will be able to reflect upon who He is, knowing He has revealed Himself to us again and again.
So prophecy is not given to predict, neither usually to primarily prescribe (though many things
are warnings and exhortations, still). But primarily to be recognized after having been brought to a point of molding by God's Spirit whereby we're then able to understand what was meant, even as after the fact of occurrence.
Whether of circumstances or of individual progression in our walk with the Lord--He doesn't change.
That's maybe a strange sort of distinction to be made, in interpretation. It runs counter to western thought, which is Greek.
But He's very patient in explaining things, even when it takes a
really, really, really long time for them to be explained. Like, for the rest of eternity-type long time.
He said to keep asking, though. So,
I'm going to.
Anyway, these are a few of the bits and pieces which have come across in regard to some things which have been a matter of interest, and regarding understanding in general. Which...
that's a really broad statement, but whatever.
It just often seems that fundamental approaches to understanding can even occlude the ability to begin to understand particularly complex matters. And besides, Jesus said we're unable to know truth, even...except that we receive the Spirit of Truth. His Spirit. The Holy Spirit. Our Teacher.
He said to keep asking on that account, too, actually.
Specifically told us to keep asking for His Spirit. Of all the things He told us to do--that's one.
We've also been
told not to be deceived. And...He kind of
is our means of discernment.
I wonder something, too, tangent to that line...about what things were meant in describing His Servant as blind and deaf. If we are truly to be
like our Lord--and not
imitating merely, but
actually becoming like Him, per His work in us...
...of all the many things, those two states of being seem very metaphorical in that particular context. So, blind to
what, and deaf to
whom?, or vice-versa and in between?
And I still have
absolutely no idea about anything. These are just some things that have seemed to come, through reading, studying, prayer, and asking. And fellowship.
Conversation with a friend today also had me reflecting on what it means to be defiant, really. I feel so unyielding and unwieldy, sometimes. Especially under pressure, like with all pressures of late.
Fear, anxiety, panic, doubt, rebelliousness, frustration, and all manner of other bits of rejection of the Lord's direction and will and leading and influence--lack of trust, moreover--comes out to the surface in the midst of various trial.
And what comes to mind is the refinement of silver...or gold. By fire. The dross separates out.
He has a way of drawing us in such a way that makes these trials desirable, to be freed of more and more the mess.
My own defiance...He's brought to heel by allowing me to suffer the consequences, again and again. He's spared my life in so many ways, so many times. But has allowed certain physical and emotional/mental effects to linger, though not to such extent that life has been restricted in general...just to a degree which absolutely requires dependence upon Him in order to function well (which some would probably be willing debate "wellness" as classification for my level and extent of function).
I've been so wretched as to test Him. And am still defiant in ways, though now
wanting Him to bring me to a point of deeper surrender. Rather than still being belligerently defiant and resentful. Which...He mercifully brought me to surrender from that point, even.
I resented Jesus, until sometime around the end of February 2014. I resented the fact that His Lordship entails ownership of my life and entails absolute entitlement to tell me what to do, and when, and how. I didn't look at all toward His love, didn't have regard for His forgiveness, and had no desire to understand what He'd done in taking on flesh and enduring crucifixion and sin.
I resented Him for being God.
But He was so merciful as to love me and draw me, regardless, even to a point of being able to realize and embrace the fact that my resentment of Him and His Lordship did not in one whit change the fact that I would have
no choice except to acknowledge Him for who He is, ultimately--the only thing in front of me was whether it would be here and now or hereafter and to eternal destruction.
He changed me and drew me enough that the former, the
reasonable choice, was wholeheartedly latched onto...with even a newfound sense of defiance against having ever resented truth.
And who was it?...there's someone who had been telling me, again and again, that He will continue until He's conquered "every rebel power," within me. Continuing His work in me until He's brought every part and parcel of my heart and mind into a rejoicing surrender, lovingly submissive to Him.
We're still having a moment over cigarettes, since Thursday. But it's not been an act of defiance nor an act of malice against myself--though decidedly harmful. So I trust He'll line me out on that point, again and soon.
As on all the rest. Bit by bit.
He's able. He's willing. And He
intends to work these things in us, unto sanctification. From image to image, glory to glory, transformed into His image.
He loves us enough to patiently, gently discipline--with only as much chastisement as is necessary to redirect us to Himself...leaving more the dross aside, once brought again into the light. It's a process.
And I'm trusting His direction. He knows what's right and good and necessary, and I
don't. The only thing
I know in terms of what's right and good and necessary for
me is there's
ardent need to draw nearer to Jesus. And a longing to
stay there, but that I would have as He wills, to His glory and my sanctification (which is to His glory).
He's shown me multiple times that He's completely capable of having me do things, thinking I'm doing them for one arbitrary reason or another that just occurs on a seeming whim...when He's actually directing steps toward or away from something, explicitly. He shows me after the fact, sometimes, what He was directing me toward or away from. And I'm all the while totally unawares, in process. Completely oblivious to the fact of His leading--thinking random thoughts about it being necessary to arbitrarily do some random thing that's suddenly become compulsively, unavoidably, inexplicably necessary (or even lightly so, just as a seemingly random impulse).
And, then, there's the fact that so many of the things that have happened over course of life...have still been restrained by grace to take a shape that He'll use to some particular end, to His glory. Not pressing me to sin, ever, but restraining me from going further in so many instances. And restraining the consequences, so very often, otherwise I'd have been (or, really--stayed) dead so many years ago.
He knows what He's doing. We don't
have to. But we
can know Him. To varying degrees, extents, and apparently according to whatsoever manner by which He's formed and fashioned us to fellowship, though still increasingly.
The main thing is to ask. To seek.
Require Him as a vital necessity. And coming to any of those points entails His having already interceded on your behalf by having led you even to do so or desire to do so.
He wants us to approach Him, yet has to gift us with the desire to do so. Because of sin.
But He has overcome.
And He
will overcome.
And...I have stayed up entirely too late writing. But it's been a blessing to spend so much time thinking on the Lord rather than myself, again, for a while.
No idea how much still needs His clarification. Still a work in progress.
