No Other Way

So many times, this past year (beginning roughly or perhaps precisely a year ago, to date), the only prayer that's kept me through circumstances is one of unrelenting desperation: "Lord, I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this," with either hands physically upraised in surrender or all my soul raised in utmost desperation.

In each of those moments, His response was sure. Not given words. Not given as a sense of certainty (as sometimes is otherwise the case). Not given as a sense of directive unto action or steadfastness, even. But given, nonetheless...a pervasive peace which inexplicably suffused to such an extent as to  dwell even more deeply within than whatever sheer-terror or utter-despair or abject-grief or debilitating-pain as otherwise sought to overwhelm my heart.

Peace in the midst of these storms, though. The storm not quelled--those sensations remained, but superficial. His voice not heard, even. But His Presence more deeply felt than even the very tremors of what could be considered tumultuous quakings permeating all which otherwise comprised then-present reality.

Still accompanied by the oft silent, yet incessant plea, "Lord, I can't do this. I can't do this. (Help me!)"

And the moments passed. The storm didn't shake me off my foundation. And no matter how deeply devastating circumstances might otherwise have seemed...His love increasingly has become all the more real. Blessedly so. The truth of who He is has become all the more evident, increasing desire for further revelation.

Not as to desire more such events, no, but ever inspiring a desire for a more encompassing, more vastly transformative experience of His love--so pure, uplifting, and utterly replete with good as to put all else beyond remembrance, beyond consideration...  ...so, ever inspiring a deeper desire to know Him more completely, no matter the cost, just as to walk more fully and consciously in the absolute truth of such a blessed reality.

No matter the cost, knowing that only by His grace would any further trials be survived--same as with those which have passed. Knowing the cost is entirely worthwhile, even as He is the one who actually paid, and my part is only to surrender.

Such as throughout the all of prior trials, the only cry of my heart was one of desperation--more fully realizing my absolute inability to so much as survive...yet, even this cry was surrender unto Him.

So, as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego once attested, I wholeheartedly proclaim--even if He had chosen not to deliver me from earthly circumstances, He alone is God, thus worthy of all praise and fully capable of enacting total deliverance should He so desire and will. By His will, not mine. However things were to go--only according to His will, and thus to my good, regardless.

Knowing death could come. But only as He would allow it.
Knowing suffering, physically or otherwise, could come. But only as He permits and directs.
Knowing that all manner of hell could again mount attacks against me. But only if He would give permission, and then certainly to ends of further good.

Just as I was warned, multiple times, against following Christ--against seeking Him, in spirit and truth: I was told that all manner of hell would mount an attack. That I would lose everything.

And same as then, again now--yet with deeper assurance and a greater degree of reverence--I can declare that whatever comes, I will not halt nor falter, because He is my God. Not because of any good in me, but because of who Christ is. Because He keeps me. I don't hold onto Him, except that He keeps me.

I can't keep myself. I can't deliver myself. The mere idea is laughable: I'm incapable of even managing to cook a meal without burning it or destroying cookware, apart from praying throughout. How in the world could I even begin to think I could maneuver against "spiritual wickedness?"

How would I begin to hope to manage to survive any assault, on any front? Especially given that prior to Christ, I'd given myself to death so many times. I gave up on life before coming to know Christ. My approach to temptation was Oscar Wilde's even--the only way to get rid of it was to give into it. I was utterly incapable, on so many levels.

Even though I considered myself well, I wasn't. I considered myself capable, but I wasn't. I fell apart at the drop of a hat.

So, now seeing the truth of all that, why would realizing my incapacity within context of knowing Christ--power and goodness incarnate!--suddenly give some sense of self-sufficient bravado?
Ludicrous.

Rather, awareness still increases regarding how utterly incapable I am of managing even the simplest tasks, except that He keeps me. (A couple months ago, I briefly questioned whether He'd keep me aware of my need for Him sufficiently to prevent arrogant self-reliance from returning...and immediately aspirated enough a boiled egg as was problematic except for "accompanying calm" as reminded to inhale very gently and slowly. After then forcibly exhaling the egg, realization arose that--yeah, I can't eat nor breathe without effecting death, apart from His intervention. So...He's effectively got things well in hand, on the whole. He's God of all. At all times.)

And that--such mercy as even to be made more aware of my actual inability--is far more than is deserved. Far more than could be earned (if such a thing were even remotely possible). Far more than could ever have even been hoped, truthfully.

But not only does He "keep" me, as such...He is my joy. And He is my strength and my sufficiency.
And no matter how far my eyes have ever wandered, He's faithful to gently and insistently bring me back. Unto an increasing desire to not wander.

He is my shepherd, though.
And my best friend, always with me, and always listening--even when I am sincerely wrong...and He always redirects me so gently, but insistently, to ever greater truth. Always listening.
My constant companion.

And I can't conceive of surviving without Him; but so much of the world remains caught up in attempting to, blindly.

So, as He leads, there must be outreach (for He knows how to reach people).
As He directs, there must be speech (for He knows what words are necessary).
And when speech isn't given, then prayer must be all the more fervent (because He can move mountains).

We are in a battle for souls, my friends--our own and those of all who are around us.

We  wage war against the very darkness which attempts to consume the world--as it ever has sought, enraged against Him.

The darkness rages to no effect, ultimately, in terms of His sovereignty.
And yet the stakes are high for those of us still engaged in the turmoil.

So, as Jesus sits enthroned, we have been given to be His ambassadors, acting on His behalf.
Are we truly doing so? Do we remaining sufficiently emboldened by the Spirit of His word, even as to walk steadfast and bold in those, our directives?
Are we sufficiently grounded in the truth of who He is?
Are we continually dependent upon His Spirit, which is His power in us?

Put another way:
If we carry only the letter of the law but lack the necessary authority to enact it, what may we actually effect?
Jesus Christ is the one with authority--attempting to act apart from Him is effectively acting upon our own authority, which is void.

Consider the use, even still, of government seals...certain Great Seals may be used to denote the authority of a letter or laws, dictated. Such a seal is evidence of the authenticity of the bearing document, thus established and implemented upon authority of the office which wields power.

Amongst many things, a seal is a mark of authority, though. Not evidence of authority inherent a bearer, as though contents could possess authority apart from officiating power. Documents don't possess authority apart from that of the seal owner--whosoever as actually possesses power so to enforce and uphold.

So as it has been, then so it is.

So, do we bear and continue as marked by the blatant Seal of His Authority?

Even as the Holy Spirit comes unto and as evidence of our salvation, then He also gives power to walk according to God's ways.

For we are really, truly incapable. But God is capable of all things.
So, we must ask without ceasing, as so it shall be given. And seek Him as our utmost necessity, so He will be found by us. We must knock relentlessly and the Gate will be opened to us.

Let us pray these things for one another, then, too.