Responded to a single-question survey about church, a brief while ago.
The fellow conducting the survey wanted to know what the most frustrating aspect of church is, open-ended response...the following is not my precise response but an elaboration upon it:
Four months ago, by the grace of the Lord, it was possible to spend the entire day seeking Christ: Small group at 9am, church service (same church) 11am, an hour drive to a service which lasted from 2-4pm, then any church possible for a 6pm service (alternately, reading the Bible and praying when service couldn't be found, or sitting in at a choir practice while reading and praying). No persistent human fellowship, mind you: conversations all seemed to tend away from Christ, thus were restrained. But much fellowship with the Lord, along the course of driving between, and before and after.
The time was absolutely glorious. Absolutely wonderful. Praising Him, traveling; praising Him, arriving; praising Him, departing. And hearing sound bits of exposition of Scripture, all the day.
Spending all day with Him, then.
And I still...thought much was lacking--craving human fellowship, as well. I got it in my head, according to things said here and there, periodically, that it wasn't sufficient to have a Bible and the Spirit of the Lord (a dire course, requiring much, much prayer and study): I believed I needed more.
When everything went completely wonky, mid-November, a door immediately was shown open to attend a new church: farther away, but assuredly peopled with true believers who would be willing to speak of the Lord. It was so.
Service begins with an hour of prayer, interspersed with worship, something around an hour of preaching/teaching, then a couple hours of fellowship. And travel time allows for a few hours alone with the Lord--praising and praying.
But it's not enough, still.
The last couple times attended led to attendance of an evening service (mostly elsewhere, just as available).
And that's still not enough. Never enough praise, worship, and edification of and in Christ.
The Lord has sincerely blessed me, in so many ways. ...so many ways.
And it is my sincere pleasure to seek Him wholeheartedly, given all the time He has shown open to doing so, now.
And it's still not enough.
(Moments/hours taken to reflection here, online, are yet significantly given to continuing to seek Him, in line with Ephesians 4:15.)
Granted, He has made it very clear to me, many times (and perhaps more yet to come) that I'm not the one who is even maintaining my zeal and devotion and application to such seeking: He ordained it, He manifested circumstances so to support it, He instilled the desire within me, and He drew me to Himself so as to even begin and continue the process. My attention span is akin to that of a gnat (only, gnats are more persistent), except that He is keeping me attuned to Him. He has given me the desire for it to be so, and He is actively fulfilling that desire in and through me. Otherwise, it wouldn't persist.
The few times, thus far, I've started to get the idea I'm doing so well, in maintaining such ardent pursuit of the Lord and continuing to learn new things and "find new things to learn" (as though I were the one directing all efforts, in other words)...I've immediately begun to fall prey to distraction, and have at those times begun to completely forget the need to pray constantly. (In becoming focused on self, becoming erroneously conscious of "self-sufficiency," I draw away from Christ...)
Every time I've started to take for granted that I'm the "head honcho" in charge of maintaining motivation and attention...I've drifted into error.
And He has allowed me to do so. For reasons beyond my knowing, certainly... ...but also to let me see that it's not even in my own power to be able to seek Him, properly, without faltering and completely becoming lost.
Same goes, in regard to the manner of things I've periodically begun to study, in regard to doctrines, theology, and the church: many things have proven to be distractions, becoming fascinations in themselves, gradually stealing focus from off the Lord, Himself, and putting attention and desire upon factional ideologies or tenets being considered. This, even regarding straight-up Bible study, when it's become more about attaining a goal than about knowing the Lord.
Point being, whenever the focus of my attention drifts from Him, everything falls completely apart. Completely apart. To extents which I still can't entirely admit to, here...I'm still too humbled and abashed, coming to terms with such abject reliance upon Him, in recognition of some minute portion of the enormity which is entailed, per an extrapolation of many tangential considerations.
...the foolish things to confound the wise, indeed.
So, no matter the prospect, there can be nothing beyond right here and now, in the Lord. I can't want for anything more. Having His ear, residing in His glorious presence, being guided by Him into learning...what more could a person desire? There is nothing else, even to want, aside of greater knowledge of Him...and increasing fellowship with Him. There's nothing else worth having.
Maybe that's the thing we've all compromised and thus lost track of. Just to always be in this moment, with Him--ever unto the next...is fulfillment. Never being concerned about what's to come. Only being grateful for what is, whatsoever is, just knowing...that He has ordained for the situation to persist or exist. Otherwise it wouldn't.
So, always giving thanks. No matter what's going on. Because life in Him is more important than anything else going on around you.
Then, no more "What if...?" dioramas played out, even briefly, in thought. I renounce those, utterly: He has made it very clear that it's a complete waste of time and energy and it grieves the Holy Spirit (courting the darkness of anxiety does such a thing, implicitly), thus distancing from Him.
In all circumstances: If things had been different, then they would have been different, and I would have been in whatever other situation He had chosen to manifest and allow, rather than the present one. If things change in such a way to require different approaches to living, then it's by His will and He will remain the number one priority: regardless what that entails, He will guide me in and through, as according to His will.
Just...there is always a choice between the Lord...and anything else which could occlude vision and pursuit of Him. And He will always prevail: He must: by His grace to do so, alone. It's not within my power to always make the proper choice, to always choose Him, except that He keeps my eyes on Him. I pray that He continues to do so, thus I trust Him to do so. He will keep me--same as for anyone who is His. He will keep me near Himself, and draw me ever nearer, because it's the utmost desire of my heart. And that desire surely originates with Him, so I trust Him to fulfill what He has inspired. He can and will do the same for any who would seek Him--desiring His fellowship, above all things.
There are just so many things which can draw attention from Him, is all: television, news, idle camaraderie, reading, games, shopping, work, family, chores...the list is endless. Whatever's done, though, He ought to be central: There just doesn't seem to be middle ground, in Christ's Greatest Commandment: Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.
So, are we seeking to fulfill that Commandment, whatsoever? Collectively? Individually?
I'm praying that we are.
I'm praying to continue to strive to do so: it will be by His power, alone, that any of us do seek and seek unto finding Him, sufficient as to even begin to love Him as is His due. This, as having ever begun to seek Him with our whole heart.
He, alone, can make that a reality. And He, alone, can cause it to continue...to persist unto that day of completion, at His return.
So, as the survey went, my greatest frustration with church is that we don't have church. There's not something to go to, every day, as a church function: teaching, preaching, intercessory prayer, worship, or fellowship-in-Christ (not coffee-time, support groups, concerts, or game nights: entertainment is largely not Christ-centric, as it usually distracts from Him and puts attention on the group/individuals/activity). And the days when there are Christ-focused activities, everything's limited to less than a full day's endeavor.
Except for rare occasions.
Further, think of it this way: There are 168 hours in one week. If we spent two hours in church on Sunday, then only spent an hour devoted to God every additional day of the week, we would have devoted less than 5% of our time to the Lord, in that week (math is not my forte: I forgot to move the decimal, earlier). Eight hours. Eight hours, in one week, is less than five percent of our week.
How does that constitute devotion?
And, no, I didn't take the necessity of sleep into account: folks give up sleep for all manner of reasons--some more vital than others (babies...college finals...movies...drinking)...why not for God?
Is He or isn't He the Creator? Is He or isn't He the central point of your existence?
Because, if He's not...that ought to be a red flag, in terms of salvation: Christ said those who love Him obey His commands, and even leaving off the majority of them (i.e., seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, be anxious for nothing, etc.)...The Greatest Commandment is to love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength: eight hours a week doesn't much priority indicate. If He's not a priority, then, do we love Him? In practice, as well as in theory...?
I'm just concerned for us, as a people, is all. Those of us who are Christians, whether in truth or in name only.
Perhaps there are many who are...Paul's so-called "carnal Christians" who are yet so steeped in the world, there's not realization of need to seek Christ..? ..but I do wonder about that. The Lord performs a work of sanctification in us, after salvation--after conversion--unto the day of completion. Transforming us into the image of Christ.
If there's no proof of that transformation progressing, is salvation in truth or name, only?
I don't know.
I pray about it, but it's not my business to know, ultimately.
All I do know is what admonitions to strive for progress are in the Bible. We are to press on toward the goal of salvation, as though we were running a race. We are to strive for the faith. Not rest on our laurels and wait for a jet plane to cart us out of here.
We are to be busy, at work, in Christ. We are to bear fruit.
And the fruit of the Spirit certainly comes to mind, there. I know of no way to come by the fruit of the Spirit except to grow in Christ, to abide more fully in Him, to be further and more wholly sanctified unto Him--dying evermore fully to self and dying (one day completely!) to sin.
It's a process, though. An ongoing harvest of fruit.
Read of the vine. Of Christ, the true vine. And we who abide in Him are the branches. The Father cuts off those branches which don't bear fruit, y'all. Even as He prunes those who do, so they'll increase in yield.
Meaning... ...it sounds as though He said it's possible to at one point abide in Christ, then to be cut off and still thrown in the fire. Because there was no fruit...no abiding, ultimately.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. The fruits of the Spirit. Are you growing in them? Have you noticeably borne increased yield, in any of these?
Or are you pretty much at the same place you were, when you first came to know Christ? We must continually examine ourselves, to make sure we're in the faith.
Really, the only way for us to bear fruit is that Christ does so, through us...but we must abide in Him, which requires fellowship, in order to bear.
That sort of fellowship isn't something that happens or is maintained like some friendships may be, where you can go for years without talking and pick right up on the same page. No, not at all.
Go for a few hours without talking to Him, without consciously abiding in His presence, and it'll be all that much more off-putting and awkward to reach a necessary point of self-subjugation again, so as to again realize and revel in His immanence. The more time spent in the flesh, the more time it takes to press through the miasma of barriers erected against such fellowship in the Spirit (pride, self-sufficiency, anxiety, fear, uncertainty, worry, doubt, distraction, etc.)--the more barriers, the more focus self has attained, the more time it requires to set them all aside, as to ardently seek Him and find Him, once having surmounted all mental distractions. Or, that's been my experience. Even as the words aren't perfect.
Just, if we are to bear fruit...yet don't abide in Him?...how can we claim to be His, in truth?
Such a lack of abiding, which seems evidenced in our lack of time congregating as a church which seeks Him, central of all activity...collectively...is very much cause of frustration and indictment for prayer.
Was the Lord's Day ever actually a full-day given to seeking Him, or has it always been so stringently limited, as to time allotted?
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