Drawing nearer to the Lord is such a fundamental necessity, for all good.
He's there, regardless whether we're paying any attention to Him. Regardless whether people refute His existence or neglect His sovereignty. Only, the peace and joy which He offers--wisdom and knowledge, love and patience...increasing self-control...
...all those and other blessed sanctions wholly wrought through increasing in love for Him, increasingly drive desire for further sanctification. Just to be closer to Him. To experience His love.
Just to know Him, as He truly is. Ever more clearly.
Increasingly realizing His presence and immanence. His love, His goodness, His faithfulness. All which humble and convict and lead in paths of righteousness, for His name's sake.
Growing in grace, then. Ever sufficient, as His mercies are new every day. For He never changes, nor forsakes us. He is faithful to His nature, to His word, and thus to those who are His. We can know these things, for the evidence as recorded in Scripture, but also by reflecting upon the lives of those who have markedly evidenced true saving knowledge of Him.
Even as our own lives bear those hallmarks of His faithfulness, for those who know Him in spirit and truth.
The preacher, last night, discussed the spiritual state of Europe--speaking as one with experiencing pastoring in the U.K. for over 26 years, now venturing also as an itinerant preacher throughout Europe and (apparently) the United States. He relayed, even, a discussion between himself and one of his elders--an octogenarian who has known and followed Christ for many years.
They spoke of Brother Martyn Lloyd Jones. Brother Tucker had asked his friend whether he believed people would still flock to the teaching of Bro. Jones, if he were still alive today. His friend's answer surprised him, even as in keeping with his own perception of the state of matters.
His friend said, "No. They wouldn't," going on to explain that people no longer want Biblical teaching. There's desire for entertainment and distraction. No desire for Christ. No patience for sound doctrine. Nor sound teaching. On the whole.
For, desiring Christ--seeking Him as an absolute necessity, loving Him wholeheartedly--drives a person to desire sanctification, as to continually draw nearer to Him, to also be ever more obedient to Him. Because, even knowing that the overarching reality is that God doesn't need us nor does He require us--knowing that our obedience adds nothing to the Lord's self-sustained and wholly inherent glory--there's nonetheless an increasingly strong desire to be pleasing to Him, in whatever ways might yield such grace.
This, even realizing that works can't add to Him--the work of salvation is entirely Christ's, and our only righteousness is Christ...
...thus, realizing that our works don't add to God or benefit Him, whatsoever--even serving Him wholeheartedly...
Such that, yes, we had ought to realize that, at the very best, we are only to consider ourselves unprofitable servants who have done nothing more than what was our duty--even in striving unto death, as to serve Him ever more fully and wholeheartedly.
So knowing, though--realizing it's so, in tandem with immediately prior realization that the righteousness which we have is imputed to us, in, by, and through Christ:
...there's room for such breadth of gratitude and love to flourish. Unto a desire for increased obedience which knows itself as adding nothing, even as it can only desire to do whatsoever is possible--as at least an expression of abject worship.
Looking not to works, though, for any justification or sanctification. Yet being driven to conform to the Lord's well, even in our doings--just so as to serve Him more fully, through endeavoring all things according to His will, as to His glory.
Fruit is the thing, though. Even as works just come by nature, thereof.
When love increases--and all those other blessed fruits which the Holy Spirit engenders within those who are His temple--conformity to Christ's image increases, as or only when that love is truly a reflection of Christ's. Wrought of Him, through Him--sustained by Him and in Him.
It's a cumulative work, in us. Ongoing progress.
The reverse implication of "without faith it's impossible to please God"...is that it is possible to please Him (in some perhaps mysterious capacity) with faith. So, if one's faith can be evidenced through works which conform to and prove (make evident through extent of conformity: visibly show, epitomize) His will, then there's possibility to please Him thereby, perhaps. But, it's still not a work of the flesh. Not of self. Not decided, but done in obedience, only. Not, then, self-congratulatory in any capacity...but increasingly humble.
Increasingly through increasing such a faith, then, is the hope that it's possible to increasingly please Him through increasing in faith.
Without looking to works. Or even hoping for them. Nor planning them. But being led by the Spirit. Knowing works will manifest, as a matter of course of growth in faith, as He leads.
Something of what the preacher last night touched along those lines: being busy doesn't equate to doing God's will.
Being full of continual work isn't necessarily a proof of the works of faith in Christ. May even be the opposite indication, or potentially just detrimental to one's walk with the Lord (looking to "works" rather than to Christ--seeking to serve through the physical, when He requires spiritual service).
Consider the conclusion of Matthew 7: the Lord pointed out that there would be those who claimed to have done "great works" in His name, all the while never having coming into relationship with Him, as to know and be known by Him.
This, spoken just after the Lord had said we can known false prophets by their fruits.
Thus...not necessarily by their works: Not by miracles which occur around them. Not by signs or wonders which accompany their ministry. Not by the casting out of demons, in Christ's name. Not even by the pre-eminence of a worldwide "ministry" which has a reputation for having "saved millions" (keep in mind, preachers don't save people--ministers don't save people--evangelists don't save people--missionaries don't save people...Christ does...even as He may use people as vessels by which He works, still it's not the person--not at all--but Christ, who saves, through the work of the Holy Spirit...again, we are only ever unprofitable servants. He will have His portion, for which He paid the highest price, regardless what anybody does or does not do.)
We will know them by their fruits: Fruit of the Spirit (as listed in epistle to the Galatians) is all which has yet come to awareness, on that count.
We can look to see whether we are or anyone else is full of pride/arrogance, bitterness/anger/malice/desire for vengeance, anxiety/fearfulness, increasing/ongoing impatience, perpetual harshness and hardness, lustful/licentious thoughts/speech/mannerisms, infidelity/lack of follow-through on commitments, coarse joking and perpetual brusqueness/intentional offensiveness, and lack of self-discipline (i.e., tendency to rationalize self-indulgence).
Are these things present and prevalent to such an extent that there's no external and internal evidence they've decreased (per repentance wrought through increasing devotion to and revelation of Christ), as evidence of the ongoing sanctification which characterizes having come into a saving relationship with Christ, through the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit?
In other words, having become a new creature, are we/they continuing to become a new creature--this, per decreasingly expressing evidence of presence of those aforementioned fleshly, worldly attributes?
Or is there an increase in dependence upon sustenance from the world, made evident per amassed wealth, love of prestige, seeking earthly "securities" to the exclusion of considering God's will first, etc.: evidence of unchecked covetousness, lusts, and anxieties, in other words?--overall, evidence of tendency toward self-indulgence, in regard to the world?
Unless dependence upon the world is somehow decreasing, as the fruits of the Holy Spirit increase (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control)--it's evidence of a false profession of Christianity, according to Christ. And He restated it through Paul. And John (1 John). And Peter.
Even as they all wrote it out differently, the Lord made it very clear that we're to beware of false teachers, false prophets, false spirits--general falsity, pertaining to anything or anyone falsely professing His name--and we're to continually test ourselves to ensure we're in the faith, not having taken false assurance through a mere mental assent that Jesus Christ exists, was crucified for our sins, resurrected, and reigns eternal. Demons know that's all truth, but they live in rebellion, nonetheless (except that the Lord is sovereign, still: that's the weird thing about free will...it doesn't change who's in charge of everything). So, for demons to know it and yet be separate from Him, how much more possible is it for a human being to realize all that as truth, and yet remain unregenerate?...especially given the most obvious difficulty prevalent: our society is increasingly moving away from belief in the spiritual.
1 John 1:12-13 But to as many as did receive and welcome Him, He gave the authority (power, privilege, right) to become the children of God, that is, to those who believe in (adhere to, trust in, and rely on) His name—Who owe their birth neither to bloods nor to the will of the flesh [that of physical impulse] nor to the will of man [that of a natural father], but to God. [They are born of God!]
This is where it's perhaps most important to realize there is a major distinction between fruit (by which we can make determinations, as to know false prophets, et al) and works (which many are expected to do in Christ's name--even on massive scales--despite not actually knowing Christ, thus not only being false prophets/preachers/teachers, but unbeknownst to themselves having made a false profession of Christianity).
So, works aren't the thing when it comes to testing ourselves or others. They aren't and can't be, given that we can't justify ourselves or gain God's favor through them. It's only the work of God which justifies us; thus, it's the work of the Holy Spirit in us which establishes and proves our salvation and which pleases God. Not of us. Not born of flesh.
Yet the spiritual desire is to please Him--even if doing whatever can be "done," for love of Christ. Kind of like people once brought pledges, as a sort of devotional offering--a show of respect, honor, charity, fealty, et al...to kings. Which--He is our king. The King of kings, even.
One of Bro. Washer's sermons goes briefly into the concept of our offerings of service, in terms of this all--anything we can or might venture to do, claiming it a service to the Lord, ultimately equates to dust poured at the foot of the cross. Yet, Christ's love for us is so great...He does in some incomprehensible capacity treasure those offerings done in right spirit, according to His will, as to honor Him. When they're not done as self-idolatry, yeah.
Which was the point, regarding last night's message:
Being busy, for the sake of putting on a good show for yourself or others or even with some very wrong-headed impression of busyness, in and of itself, pleasing God...is not right service. It's self-service. Doing what we think we need to do.
No prayer, Bible-study and devotion, waiting for revelation, or being led by the Spirit involved, in other words.
Thus, works which aren't of God but of the flesh. And nothing good is in the flesh. So, those works don't honor Him.
Even as the Lord can, does, and sometimes will use those things to the good. In spite of the wrong spirit in which they're carried forth, but because He is good, and loves others. Thus, not because of anything inherent of the effort or of the person from whom it came.
Just another aspect along which there's a line to walk, in following Christ, is all.
Seeking sanctification. Increasing desire for closeness to the Lord. Increasing in desire to know Him. Increasing knowledge of Him and understanding of Him.
Ongoing. And eternal.
Eternal life doesn't start after departing the physical realm, is the thing. To know Christ and the Father is to have life eternal. Here and now. That, when the transformation wrought by the Holy Spirit, the true fellowship of Christ, the joy and the peace of knowing Him and following Him...all begin.
God bless you all.
...
Something considered a brief while ago, today:
Prior to being regenerate my life was driven almost completely by the concerted effort to pursue any line of possibility, to whatever end seemed necessary, so as to attain greater degrees of "fulfillment," "happiness," and "self-actuation," and so on, by whatever means available. In the name of "progress." "Growth."
Doing absolutely anything and everything which was discovered, which seemed a potential course for those sorts of "development" and experience. Nearly single-mindedly done--even in the midst of absolute and total chaos continuously and continually experienced on all fronts.
Thus, the move to Florida in 2002, though. Having once desired to live at the beach (age 9/10), that was a decided course given then-present resources and circumstances. (There was also a kind of "background" sort of reasoning, per ongoing depression, wherein: "Florida is where people go to die." Chipper, no?)
And all the many things, in Florida were pursued. Just for the sake of "self-fulfillment"--increasing hedonism, more like. Only, deemed socially desirable per such descriptions as "striving for personal development," "pursuing happiness," and "gaining understanding through experience."
Then, the self-seeking continued via relocation to New Orleans in January 2005. Because I'd wanted to live there, nearly as long as I'd wanted to live at the beach. Because there were "no restrictions on self-expression," there. It was somewhere people could just be themselves, without prejudice. I could be as absolutely depraved as ever seemed desirable, without experiencing a twinge of self-consciousness. And without it even seeming at all off, given my extremes still seemed to be considered tame. Many people met were far more "creative" and "exploratory" than me, in other words. Far more "self-expressive." Far more secure in their identity, would be another way of putting it, despite how void of meaning is the phrase. That was the perception, though. It was a matter, then, of finding and establishing identity.
So, life prior to Christ was all about "finding myself." Finding "happiness." All while falling apart, over and over again, throughout the process of "progressing."
Eventually, then, it seemed right to try another route. Since being completely hedonistic (even if to seriously tame extents, per the understanding of some--still, abject defiance of God) was not proving to be a completely happy lifestyle, as evidenced by continual internal turmoil unto and per ever-deepening despair of finding life wholly meaningless. (Funny how that goes. When you can and do absolutely any and everything you want to do, it seems that the baseline for "pleasure" and "enjoyment" only degrade further and further, such that things once riveting and exhilarating become increasingly mundane, as novelty erodes...thus, gravitating unto further and further degrees of extremity, seeking continual heights of self-indulgence which only result in more of the same, until the pattern makes evident that pleasure--"happiness"--in and of itself is meaningless, as "fulfillment." If baseline is entirely dependent upon perspective, and perspective continually changes, then there's no inherently secure means of maintaining progress, except unto further and further declension into depravity of self-indulgence. This, whether that "depravity" is one which the world applauds, as in terms wealth/fame/success, or in terms of whatever many-varied bits of self-determined pursuits are decided, independent of God. He is the only unbending and unchanging frame of reference, thus the only true means of bearing and continuing unto any sort of meaningful growth.)
I tried to go the other route, too, though. Tried to adapt the socially accepted route unto scholastic/professional/financial security, with "reasonable employment," entailing "plan for retirement, with full benefits and paid vacation"-course...beginning 2008, really, the year after Mom's suicide. Then, again more blatantly attempted in 2012-2013, by way of endeavoring corporate employment as store-level assistant management.
Compared to abject hedonism...this course was even worse, personal stability-wise. Worse than anything prior. Firstly, I had to deny myself the things I wanted to do, just to make it workable--this, by trying to find meaning in the ideas of "social acceptance," "prestige," "security," and all whatsoever else along those lines. Which...in and of themselves didn't appeal, ultimately. But they were then-deemed as something which I should desire. Even though they ultimately didn't hold weight. Meaning it was even emptier course. It was a giving in to even greater vanity.
But I went the academic route, first...which engendered deepening depression due to stress combined with lack of meaningful motivation: I finished my B.A. because it was one of mom's last, expressed wishes. In the process, I got caught up in doing so well academically it seemed right to sign up for pre-med. I could do it, academically, but there was so much stress in the stringency and expanse of material, I gave it up. I just didn't care enough to remain motivated. It didn't matter, except for potential to help people, potential for financial security, and prestige. None of which ultimately warranted continuing even undergrad education toward a D.O., personally. Time came when that realization became unavoidable: stress wouldn't miraculously disappear over time, and the desire to help folks through such venue was hollow as wholly restrained by the logistics of practice; further, realizing potential financial "success" wasn't sufficient motivation to go through with pre-med indicated it certainly wouldn't be a sufficient motivation for continuing to endure such unwaveringly strenuous regimens in academia and moreso in practice, post-med. So, nice bit of a breakdown resulted through circumstances converging upon even coming to terms with my innate lack of desire and ability to find meaning in being able to eventually call myself a doctor.
Round two of professionally attempting the "normal" route unto a "successful, fulfilled life"--American Dream™-style (no need to get into attempts to wrangle a "family" need be presently considered, suffice it to say there were somewhat attempts in that direction, of which repentance was wholly due)--entailed retail grocery management: finding the stressors completely unreasonable and inhumane (unto all--when the culture is such that people brag about working with pneumonia so severe it results in unconsciousness at work, requiring paramedics and hospitalization...this, as a badge of honor...even from people who are actively cooking and preparing foods...that's clear indication there is something seriously and direly wrong; this, now recognizing that's standard corporate culture, in this day and age), and finding no serious motivation in the idea of financial/employment security (when everything regularly and completely falls apart--at least every few years throughout your adult life--it kind of derides the globally-promoted delusion of physical security, entirely, to the extent that it comes to a point where physical "rewards" such as "job security" are seen as complete vanity--totally void of any inherent meaning). All of which culminated in another breakdown, per increasing struggle against persistent self-compromise, per inhumanity required as action, and general incomprehensibility and meaninglessness of the whole, apart from that which would have been found if "financial reward" were perceived as sufficiently meaningful. Absolutely horrid, so many things. The nightmares have been gone for a while, by the grace of God.
Department store retail management was the last attempt along that line. And no better, ultimately. Despite claims to the contrary, at the outset--still, completely inhumane, as focused on expectation of machinized results, such as consideration of limitations of circumstance and individual well-being were exempt from daily practice. Prior to coming to know Christ (admittedly, thus operating under some seriously, wholly, unmitigatedly self-contradictory and absolutely shallow--though then-seeming legitimate and defensible and strong--principles), there was desire to help people. Not to treat them as numbers. Not to treat them as machines. But to recognize them as individuals and care for them distinctly, supportively, as such.
Not only as a means to an end.
Money wasn't and isn't worth treating people like they're worth less than animals, is all. Although from what I've heard about slaughterhouses and read about milk "farms," I don't suppose we treat people less than animals, so much as that there's no regard for either animals or people.
But, yeah. No.
That last bout with corporate management resulted in another breakdown (ah, hospitalization!...anxiety!...panic-attacks!...nightmares!--but by grace, they'd all still be part of life!). And Switched tracks, back to living in such a way as to "fulfill myself." Unto full expression.
After the total breakdown which started the year off, last year, I resolved...again...to do only whatever "fulfills who I am." Regardless of entailed, relative "poverty." Regardless of whatever difficulties might be experienced that route, in terms of "uncertainties." Either that, or death, it seemed.
Because I'd tried the alternate--doing/seeking/securing work for the sake of believing it "secure," or for the sake of expected prestige and financial "success." That route was unsustainable, as meaningless (thus, unfulfilling): I was miserable: the strictures of such pursuits were utterly devastating, as requiring unending self-sacrifice and self-compromise just for the sake of toeing the line. Increasingly creating turmoil, internal.
(Around the time that resolve came about, time bronchitis came on, after last year's hospitalization.)
I was willing to give my life to that, though. Willing to say, "To the wind with social conventions on what it means to be successful! I just want to be me!" Willing to do anything, along those lines. Whatever it took, whatever it resulted in. Just for the sake of living a life worth living. Whatever that entailed.
Even contemplating homelessness, so to hitchhike and trek the western U.S.--starting in the desert/s of Texas, last February (given then-present penchant for whiskey, that endeavor would have certainly resulted in death, if by no other cause--granted). Further considering relocating to Key West, as to rejoin a friend from New Orleans. Even knowing the certainty of death, thereby, too. Just perforce the way things had tended.
That was life, though. And those were two options, just to reinforce how willing I was to do anything it took, at any cost, as to do what "fulfilled" me.
But for grace. Christ intervened.
And there's that same freedom now, in Christ. Only more.
But I'd gotten to the point, these last few months, where I'd started thinking of life in terms of dragging by--a matter of just doing the "normal" things, so as to "fit in," as not to "make waves." Or, at least, I was thinking of life in terms of there having somehow come up some weird restrictions against serving Christ first, always and in all things--whether through work, or through general interaction somehow, or through whatsoever else He ordains.
I was thinking, had slid into some bit of weirdness where I'd started to see bleakness. As though there will/would come a time when, all of a sudden, I'll no longer be able to serve Him like I want to, just because of the restrictions of life.
That is absolutely absurd, is the thing.
If I was willing to do absolutely whatever it took, just serving myself, little more than a year ago--having come to terms with realization that, even prior to regeneration, I'm just not "built" to operate according to that standard process. Given I fall apart. Too much cognitive dissonance, then complete breakdown.
So, just as I'd resolved--no matter what--not to go back to just doing things for the sake of meeting others' expectations of what my life should be, nor for the sake of doing what society deems as "normal" so to avoid mockery and derision and gain acceptance and a sense of belonging (despite lacking motivation, as it went). Then, as I'm resolved it the, there's certainly all the more reason to be resolved to Christ, now.
In service of Christ, now. Not of self.
If I was willing to make that commitment to myself, then certainly He deserves all the more.
Not any what-which yields sense of mediocrity as a begrudging obligation. But service to Him in all things, for love of Him and others.
And if I could always manage to wind up with those sorts of self-"fulfilling" opportunities, as to refrain from what was then conceived of as "compromise with the world" (ended up face painting at Busch Garden + working online for LeapForce, last year)...then all the more will the Lord lead me to where I need to be, as to best serve Him.
And that, with wholly keeping in mind that my best service to Him is becoming transformed to His image. Which--only He knows what that'll require.
So, if a low-end (cashier?) retail job is in my future, it'll wholly be by the grace of God.
If a position in fast food is in my future, it'll be to serve Christ.
If I go into banking, it'll be to the glory of God.
If I become a janitor, I'll do it in Christ's name.
Or if I get into OTR trucking, then Christ will be glorified throughout the process.
Because it's not about the job. It's about the One whom I truly serve.
Just as it won't be about management or the company.
But about serving Christ in whatever capacity He allows.
So, about making whatever changes and accommodations He ordains, as to grow closer to Him.
Just, it was such a pivotal realization:
If I wouldn't compromise with the world, ultimately, in terms of serving self and seeking "self-fulfillment," I certainly am not going to compromise with the world, now that there is True reason not to: as, in terms of seeking first the Kingdom and serving Christ, my Lord.
This, regardless whether the world seeks to force me to compromise via the voices of those around me--neither conforming to those in the Church, those outside the Church, or those which seek period to overwhelm from within.
Christ has overcome.
So, I don't have to.
I just need to stay close to Him.
All else is death, anyway.
Daily, hourly, minute-by-minute. As the preacher last night so well explained (paraphrased), "Time is God's--every hour, minute, day, and year is His, entirely. And, as He gives it to us, we had ought to use it wisely. Especially knowing that He is coming back. And, soon. So, redeem the hours, for the days are evil!"
This, to me, is what it means to redeem the hours:
Serve Him, continually, in all things. Increasingly seeking that He will keep me from all distraction. Period.
So that every hour, every minute, every day, is given to His service.
Because there's nothing else worth doing, regardless.
All the rest is vanity. Absolute vanity.
Completely meaningless and empty, in other words.
And, with as I am--so weak, and prior given to seeking the spiritual, the esoteric, rather than the blatantly, physical manifest...even as the only means of maintaining stability, whatsoever, even prior...
...there's all the more cause and joy in being wholly given--at all hours--to Christ, now. That's the only place where there's peace, whatsoever. To step away from Him would be a quick death.
Because, when I'm serving Him, seeking Him, looking to Him, and learning from Him...when I am abiding in His love...
1) ...depression can't touch me. Suicidal thoughts are entirely absent.
2) ...everything has glorious meaning: there's hope, joy, and peace in everything, even as for knowing the one who rules it all is still on the throne!
3) ...distraction passes away, in favor of clearer vision of Christ, as desire for His love increases and thus is increasingly fulfilled. Unto greater and greater revelation.
4) ...love of others increases, incomprehensibly, if gradually and incrementally.
5) ...all needs are met, regardless how unexpectedly or whether even prior-recognized.
The latter of those two is terribly humbling, though both are wholly humbling, through such love as experienced.
6) ...opportunities for serving Him, even unto others, manifest unexpectedly and so very blessedly--even through otherwise-anonymous prayer. Increasingly so, it seems. Just as His guidance becomes more clearly recognized, as best I can yet understand, then so do the opportunities to serve Him in all ways become more obvious as manifest. (Still don't understand it very much, yeah--mind=blown, a few times these past few weeks on this count, is all.)
7) ...everything I'd ever hoped, dreamed for, wanted, utterly desired, craved with all my being, and longed for yet increasingly had forsaken hope of...is met and wholly exceeded IN Christ: In His person and in fellowship with Him, such as increases through devotion.
Truly, He is.
And He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
So, why do anything else? Seriously?
He'll lead me in the way I need to go. Into whatever work is to come once the present, most blessed assignment is complete (such a sorrowful day that'll be, but comfort will be found in the arms of my Savior). And it'll still be in service of Christ, foremost seeking Him throughout whatever is entailed, regardless of whatever else is part of the project.
Regardless where it is, or what will be the task--seeking first the Kingdom will be the core, entire.
Even as...I don't relish the idea of clearing septic tanks or working as a crematory technician (latter of which was one job applied for, last year--admittedly, I am glad it wasn't the Lord's will at that juncture), but even if what comes about were one of those...it would be to His glory, as known to be His will.
And all the more opportunity to grow in Christlikeness, as such--which is everything, as it inherently entails/requires an increased intimacy with our blessed Savior. Oh, just to walk more completely and unwaveringly and strongly in His presence and love and will!
That is everything.
Christ is all.
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