The Downward Trend of Delusion

 The world is so opposed to God. He gives us over to judgment, then--we effectively reject reality, and He allows that up to a point. Which is judgment, moreover.

To be allowed to have what we want, when what we want actively destroys us...is judgment. Mercy is entwined in that, in the sense that the grief that's wrought, the suffering experienced, and the devastation observed--all these are a stark warning to us to turn from that course of self- and otherly-destruction and toward what would aid. 

We are so far at this point, though, that our world has become a parody: people in some fringe groups at this point are actively cutting off healthy body parts because they identify with being disabled. We are actively maiming ourselves and literally sterilizing ourselves and committing genocide on ourselves--wholesale slaughter--and calling these things freedom. 

Figments of Fidelity: On Attempted Reconciliation and Communication in the World

And, as with my family, if I can't have interactions founded upon and centered in truth...but only ones which are destructive...then, except the Lord were continuing to hold me still in the midst of that utter discord...I've pleaded for truth, I've pleaded for reconciliation, I've pleaded reconciliation with God above all. And have found no room. 

The Lord described explicitly the course of steps to take in seeking to make amends when someone has wronged us, in Matthew 18: we go to them privately. Then, if they won't deal forthrightly, there's the discussion with another present. And ultimately, if that's not received honorably, elders are also informed and brought into discussion. If there's still no honest reconciliation, the relationship has been lost: all space for intimacy and trust has been eroded and ultimately denied, the bond of perceived fidelity has been broken without recourse. We no longer continue in close quarters, but are made strangers.  

For Freedom to Obey, We are Set Free

Genesis 19:20, Genesis 19:22

Don't ask to go to Zoar [fixed link 11/13/21]. When the Lord directs, follow. 

2 Peter 2:7-9

Galatians 5:1

God is Great

 

God indeed is great, dear friend. ❤️ He is the Great Redeemer…and so much more.

19How great is Your goodness, 

Which You have stored up for those who fear You, 

Which You have performed for those who take refuge in You, 

Before the sons of mankind!

…

24Be strong and let your heart take  courage, 

All you who wait for the LORD.

Demoralization of a Culture

 There will not be time to outlay this significantly right now. The night is too far spent, too much grief already, and even joys. 

Many times recently, the Lord brings to mind the passage/s about folks crying out for rocks to hide them. In the midst of sore judgment, rather than cry out to God for mercy and aid, the hardness of hearts and the depraved excesses of pride yield over to crying out for the inert to shield against the infinite, sovereign, majestic, Omniscient One. Such blatant delusion. Such absolute dereliction of duty, moreover--rather than the worship the One we were created to worship, there's a hardening all the more against Him. 

Spitting in His face, again and again, moreover. And the more He presses the issue, the further the driving of one's heels into the ground in defiance--asking even nearly for death to hide one from His sharp focus and heavy hand. Rather than submit to God. 

He will not be mocked. Though for a time, things may seem otherwise, and lasciviousness and lewd speech and all manner of evil and lawlessness reigns--every bit as much in speech, then so as effected in heart and thought...depravity unto depravity, spewing forth madness unto damnation. Despising all good, defiling all which is pure, and degrading the most sanctified of all matters...as an outworking of absolute malice toward the One who reigns, untouched by all. 

We cannot unseat Him. We cannot throw off His chains of right order and morality, no matter that we turn our courses solely to evil and think only what is defiling and detrimental and destructive unto ourselves and all others, having so set our faces as flint to attempt to degrade Him and denude His status. 

Collateral Damage

 There are times when all of life seems as a great grief and pain. There has been one after another, I can't even track them all now. Continually for months, I think. One right after another. 

Death, death of another yet spared miraculously, and such pain: emotionally, physically. Relationally bereft. 

We are in the midst of a war right now. For all the world. For all our souls. 

I continually hear people striving to come to the end and means of what is at play, of who holds the strings of all these machinations. No one ever goes far enough. 

Friends, my dear friends. God is sovereign, even over all this. And He has judged us, and given us over to the wickedness in our own hearts. What we see on all sides is a reflection of ourselves. 

That is what grieves beyond measure right now, that this would be so...and I cannot plead strongly enough, I cannot muster words with enough fervor and import as to clarify these vital and eternal matters. And I would die of grief, even for that, except that I know He will have His portion. Those for whom Christ died will be saved. There are none who can stay His hand from saving. None. 

Not even my ineptitude and gracelessness. 

The Storm Enshrouding

Peter's Confession of Christ
…17Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah! For this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by My Father in heaven. 18And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it. 19I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven. Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

Paul's Apostolic Authority
…3For though we live in the flesh, we do not wage war according to the flesh. 4 The weapons of our warfare are not the weapons of the world. Instead, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We tear down arguments and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.…

Sometimes, there's a very real sense and experience of so much of the forces of hell mounting an assault on all the world. Right now, it's as that. 

Of the Chosen?

How life could have become any more intense than it had been two months ago escaped my wildest imaginings--I was so far beyond my abilities, in July: my sister was dying, the Lord delivered her from death. And the ensuing and surrounding circumstances were wholly incomprehensible.

That, immediately preceded by an intensity of exchange which I can't recall except to remember that this has been the way of things for many months. I've often reflected in moments before the Lord that it's amazing that He has His people in such a frenzy right now, flitting about doing so many manner of things, so rapidly and yet so thoroughly and diligently and fervently, with His love and power. 

I am grateful. 

At His Mercy

 And so...

...the Lord is guiding, still. I am in position to potentially be terminated from employment in a matter of weeks, for my convictions.

The choice is to sin against God or to remain an employee of the state, in good standing and good favor with all, recognized by God's grace for exceptional abilities. Exceptional, yesterday, was the commendation. 

And it's all only as God gives grace. Everything we are each able to undertake is only as He empowers, having gifted. Everything we are skilled in, a matter of ordination. Just as our limitations are also divinely ordained. That we glorify Him both through our abilities and through our need, dependent upon Him for all, and then all the more conscious of that total reality. 

Jesus entered this world to redeem. God the Son added to Himself a human nature. He united Himself, in that moment, forever-after with us, as our kindred. 

Briefly

 Things are picking up pace again, maybe?

In any event, trusting Christ is the only option. He keeps reminding me, too, that I can’t depend on my own understanding—defer to Him, don’t defile my conscience, and continue to seek Him. 

He will lead, and He will provide. 

That is everything. 

Emotional Falls

There is a not-insignificant amount of time spent praying about and meditating upon right relationships with others, particularly men. I do still hope to marry someday, although recognizing that's in God's hands--grateful to know compromising what's important will not be permitted. 

How is it that we are supposed to interact, honorably, though? I falter, again and again--eventually realizing I've entered situations (so, my own fault) where I've inappropriately shared of myself: saying too much of too intimate a nature, for being outside the bonds of a committed relationship: To forge a significantly private, exclusive emotional bond with someone of the opposite sex without intent except to know them deeply is a degree of intimacy which really belongs in marriage, in my estimation. And yet, that's not something I had really recognized before. 

Under the Mighty Hand of God

As sent elsewhere, but amended somewhat to share more generally here for prayer also:

Very trying week here, and just praying through present circumstances it occurred to me to share for prayer. 

We didn’t do much to compare notes on the present social climates and the current circumstances regarding progression of the past year’s globally emerging ideologies, through strictures and regimented narratives…I just kind of assumed things were more or less as they had been last we discussed: woefully tense, deeply illogical, and mindlessly oppressive. I assume the continuation of these matters along the recognized trajectory we have previously discussed.

I don’t generally feel a need to discuss details of such matters, as it’s all more of the same, progressing anyways—Romans 1 in sharper, and still sharper, relief. 

When It All Caves In

 This won’t be long, likely. A migraine is attempting to settle in—exhaustion, allergies, and dehydration (not sure if crying is a factor). My woes are still far lesser than those of many. But each man knows his own griefs.

These past weeks have presented a rapid-fire assault of fears, griefs, uncertainties, and heartbreaks. Life, no? 

One small explosion to the next, seemingly with no end. What’s next? I’m overwrought and overwhelmed. 

If it were not for Jesus’s faithfulness, interventions on so many fronts and in so many ways—small reminders of His love, continual, I would be wholly consumed.

He is always gracious. Sometimes His grace is more apparent than at others. But particularly when all the world crashes in—sometimes in larger ways, and also for standard measure, in those things which are also just pain and loss: for instance, I hang my hopes too freely. He seems intent to get that to stop.

Lord, I can’t do this. Help, please. I will trust you. Though You slay me, I will praise you…if You will but give me grace to do so. I am wholly at Your mercy. Please help.

Committed

I have faltered so much under the weight of difficulty lately, particularly in the past two days. All that remains is to commit this too to the Lord, being humbled once more by the reality of my own weakness and utter dependence upon Him. Were He not merciful and long suffering and faithful to uphold His will, all would have ever been lost. I would have no hope for deliverance or righteousness, to please and honor Him.

But Jesus overcame and He will transform me, even if He desires to do so very gradually that I may be the more aware of His all-sufficiency and mercies and of my absolute lack, apart from Him, unto praise. He will be glorified regardless what sometimes seems the case, when my own wretchedness and the wretchedness of all mankind looms large.

Briefly: Mercies in the Midst of Trial

Grief upon grief, once more. Yet the Lord carries me. Because I can't right now: one onslaught after another, wave upon wave.

And yet, by His grace, then don't cover my head to drowning. Rather, they do, as Spurgeon attested, throw me up against the Rock of Ages. 

Seeing God's kindnesses in so many ways, in the midst of all this, has indeed been such a blessing. I wish I could recount them all here. I've shared bits and pieces with those nearest me, as such have become apparent.

He has answered so many prayers, recently. Not least of which, and of which I've spoken to absolutely no one apart from the Lord, prior to typing this...is asking that people in my church will go to evangelize the trailer parks. I have been pleading with Him for that for the past year. 

It is happening, Saturday. for the first (to my knowledge, and hopefully not the last) time since I've resumed worshipping with this blessed family of believers. I cannot tell you what this means to me. 

And at this particular moment, especially. I keep daring to ask Him for particular mercies on that front, as well, though with much trembling...knowing my unworthiness to even ask this of Him, and particularly given my wretchedness at times past. 

As He wills, though. Out into the highways and byways, calling them to come in...we need to beckon..

I need sleep, but hopefully there will be time given toward writing again soon. So much has happened. The Lord has been so gracious.

I continue to be amazed at the reality of having died with Christ--that truly, who I am now is according to the unity of life I have with Him in His resurrection. As the person I was, united with Jesus in His crucifixion, death, and burial...is dead and gone. 

That...is unfathomable.